


Can you be the one to hold and not let me go?

by CryinginForeign



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Chaebol heirs, Choi San and song mingi, Depression Hinted at, Eventual Smut, Everyone is so gay, I do call out warnings ahead of some chapters, I haven't been in college in years, I know a bit about art, M/M, Mentions of Previous Drug Use, More Original Characters - Freeform, Original Character - Freeform, PLEASE READ THEM!, Past Mentions of Abuse, Pining, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Shit goes down, Swearing, Yeosang is a fashion design student, Yeosangie is brave, Yunho throws hands, basically this is the kdrama no one asked for starring ateez, bodyguards, casual discussion of murder, choi Jongho and jung wooyoung, coming out stories, everyone falls in love with seonghwa, he asks the boys to model for him, hints at Yeosang's awful family, hongjoon is terrible, kim Hongjoong and jeong yunho, not a lot so forgive me, panic atack, past mentions of kidnapping, relationships are as follows, seonghwa is Whipped, seonghwa is an art major, tags will change, there is emotional swearing, this escalates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-01
Updated: 2020-08-18
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:34:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 162,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23428537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CryinginForeign/pseuds/CryinginForeign
Summary: “We don’t do threesomes,” Hongjoon said, conversationally, almost regretfully.  “It’s either me, or him. He really doesn’t like sharing.”Seonghwa claps a hand over Hongjoon’s mouth at the shocked disgust on the other boy’s face.  “Please, just ignore him, he’s being an asshole.”“What the fuck is wrong with you both?” The boy stared at them for a second longer before he looked up at the sky, as if asking for help from above.  “You know what? No, it’s fine. Nevermind, I’ve got other options.”ORThe one where Seonghwa isn't a fuckboi, Yeosang is a fashion student, and together they kinda fall into like with one another.
Relationships: Kang Yeosang/Park Seonghwa
Comments: 119
Kudos: 298





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know where this came from. But it asked to be written and I couldn't say no. I'm using this as a warm up writing before I get stuck into my fantasy novel I'm working on right now. 
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy!

“Hi? Can I ask you guys something?”

It was the start of the new semester and it was warm out.Seonghwa sprawled on the picnic table, letting Hongjoon feed him grapes, whilst complaining about just not having the staff to cater to his whims, each time Hongjoon got distracted by a text message on his phone, and not popping another grape into his mouth.

Seonghwa slanted a glance to the side. The voice wasn’t familiar.The boy wasn’t familiar, but Seonghwa wanted to know him.Immediately, intimately. He tapped Hongjoon’s arm to get his attention.

“Hyung, there is a cute boy talking to us.Is he real or did you accidentally feed me special grapes again?”

Hongjoon turned around to look at the boy standing there, taking in the long legs cladded in black ripped skinny jeans, the black stretched out t-shirt that reads **I AM A BOY NOT A TOY** in military style font across the front, the skateboard under one arm and the art portfolio under the other. His eyes travelled up to the boy’s face and he understood Seonghwa's words completely.

“No, he seems real enough.Pretty. Just your type."

It was only when Hongjoon confirmed the boy’s presence was real, that Seonghwa sat up, swinging his legs off the table and onto the bench.

“Hey, pretty. Talking to me?” His grin had been described as shiteating in the past, and yeah, he trotted it out now. It worked, okay? More often than not. He also possibly stared too long at the new boy, taking in his thighs and smoothly muscled arms. 

The boy flushed but he wasn’t flustered, he just looked a bit annoyed.

“To both of you.”

Hongjoon and Seonghwa traded looks.Well, it wasn’t that odd.They were both attractive.They turned in unison to regard the boy.Seonghwa found himself wondering how he’d never noticed this boy on campus before. His hands itched for his pencils, to sketch that defined jaw, that full lower lip and his eyes.Who had eyes like that?

“We don’t do threesomes,” Hongjoon said, conversationally, almost regretfully.“It’s either me, or him. He really doesn’t like sharing.”

Seonghwa clapped a hand over Hongjoon’s mouth at the shocked disgust on the other boy’s face.“Please, just ignore him, he’s being an asshole.”

“What the fuck is wrong with you both?” The boy stared at them for a second longer before he looked up at the sky, as if asking for help from above.“You know what? No, it’s fine. Nevermind, I’ve got other options.”With that he dropped his skateboard and readied himself to skate off but Seonghwa leapt, motherfucking leapt off the table, towards him.And if he accidentally punched Hongjoon in the face, so what?

“No, sorry, wait.”He gripped the boy’s arm, stopping him from skating away.They were making a scene now and Seonghwa was totally fine with that.“Hongjoon is an a-grade asshole.I am sorry.He didn’t mean that.His boyfriend broke up with him and he’s being really salty with everyone.You wanted to ask us something.”

The boy, his eyes were hazel, but they were more than hazel? Seonghwa tried to figure out the colours in them. Which of his polychromos would he use to show the colour properly? Maybe he’ll have to enhance them somehow. Anyway, the boy stared at him, his mouth open.Then he focussed on where Seonghwa gripped his bicep and he raised an eyebrow.

“Let go.”

“Sorry, what?”

“Let go of my arm or I will fucking punch you in the nuts,” he said, clearly, succinctly.

Seonghwa did as he was asked and he stepped back, for good measure.This kid was something else.

“Please,” Seonghwa said again, and he hated himself for it, because he never begged or said please.And yet within the last few minutes he’s said it several times.He didn’t know what to do with himself or why this boy made him say please so much. 

“I wanted to ask you both a favour,” the boy said, after some time, clearly evaluating his life choices.“I’m a fashion major and I wanted to see if you both would model for me.”

Seonghwa was nodding yes before he’d even finished speaking, but Hongjoon had some preservation skills left.He walked towards them, draping an over Seonghwa’s shoulders and pulling him against his side.Seonghwa didn’t miss the way the boy’s gaze hardened at that.

“Sounds interesting.What does it entail, exactly?And what type of clothes do you design?”

“And why us?” Seonghwa added, because he was an idiot.

“I’ll show you.” The boy picked up his skateboard again and walked to the table. He moved the grapes and fruit to the side and unzipped his portfolio case.“These are some initial designs only.I think the style would suit you.I’ve seen you with two of your other friends? Tall guy, handsome? He has these sharp cheekbones and a resting bitch-face?”

“San,” both Seonghwa and Hongjoon confirmed in unison.

“And the other one, tall, good shoulders. Long legs. Pouts a lot and has a deep voice?”

“Mingi.”

The boy nods. “I think the four of you would suit my style really well.”He spread his hands indicating his portfolio.“What do you think?”

Hongjoon paged through sketch after sketch, not saying a word but Seonghwa could tell he was interested.The designs were good.Edgy, good use of colour, with form fitting trousers, big boots, jackets and a variety of shirts and t-shirts.The designs had small notes, swatches and colour schemes attached. 

“Yeah, I’ll speak to Mingi and San, but I don’t see they’d so no,” Hongjoon said.“What’s in it for us?”

“I’ll buy you food when you come for fittings.” The boy stared at them, his gaze flicking between them. “And you’ll get paid for your time.Not much, but you won’t be doing this for free.You’ll have to learn how to walk properly, to show off my clothes. I am taking a risk asking you.”

“Then why are you?” 

“Because you are all incredibly handsome and you suit what I’m going for.”

“What is your name?”Hongjoon had his phone out and handed it to the boy.“Give me your details.We’ll message you when we’ve spoken to San and Mingi.”

“Yeosang. My name is Kang Yeosang.”

“Hongjoon, Seonghwa.”

Seonghwa watched lithe fingers tap Hongjoon’s phone and bit his lip.

“Yeosang?”

“Hmm?” He glanced up as he gave Hongjoon’s phone back, holding his hand out for Seonghwa’s.

“I need a model for my art project.Are you prepared to sit for me?”

Hongjoon choked on air and frankly, Seonghwa couldn’t care less, as he handed his phone over to Yeosang.The boy glanced briefly at Hongjoon’s dramatics before looking back at Seonghwa.

“Are you being serious right now?”

“Yes, oh my god, so serious.Look.”

Seonghwa grabbed the phone out of Yeosang’s hand and opened his pictures.“These are some of the sketches I’ve done, these are my paintings.I’ve got a few stuff on Redbubble and…”

“Sure.”Yeosang held onto Seonghwa’s wrist, stopping him from scrolling.“I like your art.It’s colourful.Like you.”He pinched one photo that Seonghwa had taken of one of his bigger pieces and enlarged it on the screen, moving it around so he could look at it properly.It was a large canvas and it showed San in profile. He had done his face outlined in thick black marker, adding splashes of colour to the canvas, using a mix of mediums and stencils.It was one of Seonghwa’s favourites.

“Message me and we can talk,” Yeosang said to Seonghwa and a light tinge of pink rode his cheeks.There was an uptick at the corner of his plush mouth and Seonghwa wanted to press a kiss to it but he held himself back and he thought he deserved a fucking gold star for that.

Yeosang turned back to the table and zipped up his profile. “I have to get to class. Thanks for this.I am grateful.”

Hongjoon and Seonghwa watched him skateboard away in silence before they turned to look at one another.

“You are so whipped,” Hongjoon said.

“I am so fucked,” Seonghwa said with feeling.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I worked for a clothing design studio many years ago so what I describe Yeosang's warehouse workshop to look like is what our designer's workshop looked like. I also am peripherally trained as a designer but sucked at cut make and trim work myself, so I left that behind, but the love of pretty clothes remain. 
> 
> And thanks for all the likes, I am incredibly grateful!

_Bro,_ Yeosang texts as he wheels away. _They said yes._

**_Wooyoung Bro from another Mother_ **

_Bro, that is amazing bro.Amazing!_ Wooyoung texts back, fast. _Only, I’m not sure what you’re talking about?_

You are the worst, Yeosang grunts and texts that whilst he’s waiting at some traffic lights. 

_But bro, you still love me, right? Love me enough to feed me? Bro?_

_Bro?_

_Bro?_

_Brooooooo?_

_Hyung!!!_

Yeosang ignores the buzzing in his pocket as he slams into the mom and pop on the corner, picking up microwave meals for him and Wooyoung, and leaves after brief small-talk.He wasn’t good at small talk.It messed with his head.His head which is currently full of Seonghwa. Lithe fuck that he was.Who, apart from idols and GQ models have features like that? Lips like that? Eyes that promise everything and a tongue that…just? Yeosang was pretty sure Seonghwa had no idea what he did when he licked his lips the way he did.

He took the corner at the dorms too fast, but he handled it, keeping his core strong and rode out the wobble. He pushed Seonghwa out of his head.He had sketches to do tonight and a tonne of research to do on historical costumes.He had no time for hot as sin boys, he told himself smartly, as he pushed his way into their small apartment.

Wooyoung was at his desk, his nose buried in a text book and he moaned lewdly when he saw the shopping packet in Yeosang’s hand.

“You know what. Yeosang? I think I love you.”

“I love you to Woo.Make space so we can eat.”

Yeosang dumped his portfolio and set about making their dinner.Making dinner was micowaving rice and two servings of sweet n’ sour chicken that, once it’s done, he liberally adds sriracha sauce to and freshly cut chilli. 

Wooyoung had made space on their shared dining room table and hums happily around a mouthful of food.

“Who saif yefs to whafs?”

Luckily, Yeosang spoke Wooyoung.

“Two of the guys I want to model for me at the end of season show said they’re interested.They’ll ask their friends if they’re interested too.”

“Bro, that is amazing.” Wooyoung beamed at him.Wooyoung was the best bro to ever bro. He was supportive.“I still get to do the music, right?”

“Yes, you do.”

Wooyoung squirmed in his chair.“But why are you scowling?”

Yeosang stared at him, scowling.“I’m not scowling.”

“Bro, you have resting bitch face. I have seen babies literally burst out into tears when they see you.Scowling makes you even more intimidating.”

“It’s nothing.”

“Fucking liar.” Wooyoung pulled Yeosang’s food away from him, earning him another scowl, this time with added venom.“What are you stressed about?”

“The one guy, Seonghwa. Is a complete asshole.He smiles.”

“He…smiles.”

Yeosang grimaced. “Fuck off, Woo. I can’t explain it.” And then he tries to explain it.“It’s like he expects the world to fall into his lap when he smiles. He has this face?”

“I am so glad I am the eloquent one and you are merely the fashion designer,” Wooyoung says, holding back his laughter. “So, this boy with _the face and the smile_ , do you like him?”

“No. I want to punch him.”

“Okay, it’s a trope I can work with.”

“Fuck off, bro.”

Yeosang viciously stabbed at Wooyoung’s face with his chopsticks, making him recoil, before grabbing his food back and eating.He refuses to speak to Wooyoung for the rest of the night.

***

Yeosang was in the library making sketches when his phone buzzed.He ignored it at first, too involved in detailing the folds and lace on the dress in the photo he was referencing.But eventually the buzzing got too much and he sat back to check his phone.

**_Hongjoon - A Grade Asshole_ **

_Hey, Coco Chanel, it’s Hongjoon._

_Coco!_

_Boy Toy, are you ignoring me now? You stalked us yesterday._

_Coco!_

_Okay, you don’t like Coco Chanel.How about Lagerfeld? Is it Lagerfeld? Lagerfield? Lager? Yeah, I could do with some beer._

__

Yeosang was not amused.

**Yeosang - pretty stalker boy**

_Why are you blowing up my phone. I’m working._

**_Hongjoon - A Grade Asshole_ **

_Jesus, this is the right number? I thought you’d ghosted us, Coco!_

**Yeosang - pretty stalker boy**

_What do you want, Hongjoon?_

**_Hongjoon - A Grade Asshole_ **

_Well, Coco, I was going to tell you Mingi and San said yes.But if you’re not interested then…_

**Yeosang - aka Coco**

_Fuck you._

_I am interested._

**_Hongjoon - A Grade Asshole_ **

_Thought as much.They want to meet you though.They want to make sure you’re not just some pervert who wants to dress them in pretty clothes._

**Yeosang - Coco**

_I have regrets…_

_But I understand.Meet me at six tonight, at my workshop. Bring drinks. I’ll send you the address._

**_Hongjoon - Coco_ **

_See you then, Coco._

***

Yeosang’s workshop was off campus. It used to be a clothing factory, but the owners discovered that they could far more money out of it if they let it out to creatives and students.His space sat at the far end of the warehouse.He was lucky that it had high ceilings with tall windows, a second floor accessed via a rickety staircase and a large open plan area at the bottom.The upstairs held shelves that held carefully organised bolts of fabric.

The downstairs held his two cutting tables, his sewing machines, overlockers and his Mac.There was a desk made of planks he’d rescued from one of the other businesses who was going to turf it out.He’d hammered it together and put it on a trestle legs.He loved it and that is where he spent a lot of his time sketching and studying.Some of his favourite designs hung on the walls.A large corkboard took up one entire wall and he’d pinned designs, swatches and images torn from magazines that he liked, along with whatever else he fancied to it.The other wall held a clothing rack full of samples he’d designed over the past few years.Some he really liked, others he liked less but he let them stay because it was about moving forward and evolving. 

Yeosang liked his workshop but he also was an intensely private person and inviting the boys into his space made him nervous.He looked around, wondering what they’d make of it.Apart from Seonghwa who he knows does art, he has no idea what the others are studying or what they were into.He suddenly wished that Wooyoung could’ve made tonight, but he was tutoring a junior in somethingto do with language and Yeosang didn’t have to brain capacity to listen.They are probably banging.Wooyoung liked them in awe of his literary skills.

He dropped his skateboard to the floor and kicked off.Five to six. They’d be here any minute. He rolled up and down between his cutting tables, getting his nerves under control.On the dot at six, he heard voices from the far side of the warehouse.His hands went cold.

The knock on the door should not have surprised him, but it did. He jerked with fright and told himself he was being fucking stupid.He tipped his board up and hung it up on the wall with his others, before opening the door.

Yeosang was not easily intimidated but faced with Mingi and San, Hongjoong and Seonghwa crowding into his space, made him space out for a second.But then he put his usual scowl in place and stepped back. 

“Hi, come in.Make yourselves at home.Just, don’t touch anything.”

Mingi whistled low and under his breath as he took in the space.He spun around, grinning. 

“Man, this place is amazing.Do you rent it?”

San cuffed him behind the head.“Of course he rents it, Mingi-ah. And close your mouth, you’ll attract insects.”San turned to Yeosang.“You must be Yeosang.I’m San, my best friend, Mingi.”

They shook hands and wandered further into the workshop.Mingi didn’t listen and was touching the fabric swatches he’d pinned to the wall next to some designs.Yeosang watched them, worrying at his lip. 

Hongjoong clapped him on the shoulder and brushed past him.“Where do I put this?” He asked, holding up two bags of beer from the nearest shop.Yeosang led him to the table and showed him where the fridge was.

Seonghwa walked around the workshop, hands in his pockets, his expression thoughtful.Yeosang caught the way he looked at his sketches, at his mood board. He also caught the way the jeans hugged Seonghwa’s ass, thighs and the way his t-shirt clung to his shoulders moulded against his wide chest. He looked away before he could get caught to scowl down at the beers. Why did he need models again?

“So this is where the magic happens?” Hongjoong says after doling out beers for everyone.All four the boys have managed to squeeze onto his leather couch, leaving Yeosang standing, leaning with is hip against one of his cutting tables.

“It is.And thanks, again.So, I suppose I should show you some of the stuff I’ve done before. To give you an idea.”

He goes back to his desk and finds a few other notebooks and portfolios.He hands them to the guys.

“So, this year, I want to do something different, something with more bite. I didn’t want to play it safe.”

“Hyung, nothing about your designs are safe,” San said, holding up a design. Three heads craned round to see it. 

“We were asked to submit ideas for a group’s MV,” Yeosang said, refusing to be embarrassed by the amount of bare skin, leather and sheer fabric there was to be seen.“The next few designs in that portfolio will show you the concept I had in mind for the group.”

San flipped the pages.He looked delighted. Seonghwa on the other hand looked like he wanted to pass out.He was holding onto the portfolio in his lap so hard his knuckles were white.

“Look, I know it’s a lot.I know I’m asking you guys to step out of your usual comfort zones and do something that’s completely foreign to you, so I get that you’re freaking out and you're not comfortable.” They shared looks but no one spoke for a few moments. 

“So, you want us to actually model your clothes at a show?” Mingi asked and stood to walk over to the clothing rail so he could flip the hangers.“Like fashion models you see on TV?”

“Like that, but better.”Yeosang hooked the tall stool closer so he could sit on it.“Most fashion shows you’ll see, most models you’ll see either on tv or in magazines, are so finely groomed that everything they wear looks fake, regardless of price tag.”

“So you chose us because we look rough?” San asked, raising an eyebrow.

“The fuck, no.What is wrong with you people?” Yeosang was just short of slapping a hand to his face.“I’m asking you to walk for me, because you are _real_. Do you understand what I’m saying?You’ll make my clothes pop.”

All of them were shaking their heads.Yeosang sighed and necked his beer before putting it down on the table behind him. 

“Mingi, come here.”

Mingi obediently made his way to stand at Yeosang’s side.He crossed his eyes and made fish lips at his bros but the moment Yeosang glared at him he stopped.Yeosang pulled at his ratty t-shirt and nodded to his cap. 

“Take that piece of crap off your head.And your t-shirt.”

Yeosang walked to his samples and chose one of his favourite shirts and a simple structured jacket. 

“Put this on.Tuck the shirt in, no, like this.” He batted Mingi’s hands away and tucked the shirt in partway. “See, you can do this and it shows off your belt, it elongates your whole look, get it? Now put on the jacket.” Yeosang left Mingi to fuss with the clothes he gave him and wheeled his large cheval mirror forward so that Mingi could see himself.

He turned Mingi so that Mingi could look at himself from all angles. There was a discernible difference in how Mingi held himself. He looked taller, his shoulders squared beneath the almost military style jacket. There was an arrogance to the way he held his chin and his eyes looked darker.

“See?” Yeosang turned to the three boys on the couch.“Do you see what I mean?” San let out a low whistle and both Seonghwa and Hongjoong were nodding, looking shaken. 

Mingi on the other hand still didn’t look convinced, but he ran a hand over the fabric of the shirt.“This is really nice. I like the way it feels.”

Yeosang gestured with both hands as he sat back down on his stool.“There, that says it all.He doesn’t see it, but he feels it. That’s what I want.I want you guys on the runway because you’re not finessed to an inch of your lives. You are real and you’re gorgeous and you'll appreciate my clothes for what they are.”

Yeosang watched them and saw that they understood.And if he wasn’t so nervous, he’d have shed a tear of relief. He caught Seonghwa's eye as he raised the bottle to his lips and the boy's eyes are so dark and intense Yeosang almost choked on his beer. He wiped his mouth and chin, because obviously he'd make a fool of himself. He pulled his phone out and brandished it. 

"So, food? Everyone okay with pizza?"


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, awkward boys are awkward!
> 
> And apologies for the slight delay in putting up another chapter. The weekend consisted of lots of baking and lazing in the sunshine. The enforced quarantine is something else, isn't it?

Seonghwa was fascinated by Yeosang. They were waiting for the pizza to be delivered and the boy had his hyungs wrapped around his long fingers. They were talking clothes, of all things. San, who had been hesitant at first, seemed wholly smitten with Yeosang and who could blame him?

He was beautiful, smart, acerbic and talented.Seonghwa had moved to one of the other chairs in the workspace and watched them interact. He got his sketchbook out, letting the sound of their voices become background noise.Someone, possibly Mingi had badgered Yeosang into turning his monster iMac on and had chosen a playlist from Spotify.The music further lulled Seonghwa into his own mind, and he sketched, smaller details that he liked to take note of.

He drew the way San’s eyes narrowed when he listened.He drew Mingi’s jawline.He watched the way Seonghwa interacted with Hongjoong, and he found it fascinating.Hongjoong was pretty andused to being the centre of attention.Seonghwa treated him no different to the way he treated San and Mingi which was nice because everyone loved Hongjoong, something about the boy’s personality drawing people in.

He didn’t realise that he had effectively cut himself off from their discussions when San walked over to him, handing him a bottle of water from Seonghwa’s fridge.

“You okay?”

San, of course it’s San with his sharp eyes and devastating smiles who’d notice he was off. He accepted the water and nodded.

“Yeah, I’m good.What do you think? You guys interested in him? In his fashion show?”

San leaned against the table next to Seonghwa and instead of looking at Yeosang, he stared at his friend.

“I think so.He’s passionate.His designs are great too.” He tapped a long finger on the page of Seonghwa’s sketchbook.“But if you’re not keen?”

“What? No, I’m fine. I’m keen.It’ll be interesting.Something to add to the resume, right? Walked in a fashion show for an up and coming designer.Who knows, he might be famous one day.”

Seonghwa was talking too much.He should really shut up because San knew him, _knew him_

“You like this guy?”Sharp-eyed San, always so observant.

“I don’t know him,” Seonghwa pointed out, levelly.

“Well, you won’t get to know him if you just sit here _drawing_ the asshole, Seonghwa.” And then he had Seonghwa up and was pulling him towards the others.

Yeosang looked surprised to see them, like he forgot Seonghwa was even there and it made him shift and lean into San, who had zero compulsion to baby anyone ever. Instead he just shoved Seonghwa upright and took two long strides away to stand next to Hongjoong.

“What have you been sketching?” Yeosang asked but, because he obviously saw the way Seonghwa’s hands tightened on his sketchbook, didn’t move closer.“Ah, you don’t like to share, I remember what Hongjoong said the other day.”

_“It’s either me, or him. He really doesn’t like sharing.”_ The words echoed in Seonghwa’s ears and he gave a strained laugh.

“I can’t believe he was such a shit to you,” Seonghwa said.“Hongjoong sometimes has no filter.”

“Sometimes?” Mingi cut in.“The man is a menace to society.”

“Eh,” Yeosang said, looking at Hongjoong who looked pained.“He’s pretty enough to get away with it.Until he runs into someone who’ll give him a run for his money.”

“Yah!” Hongjoong pointed a finger.“Don’t…”

“What?” Yeosang fronted, tilting a chin in challenge.“Use your words like a grown up.”

“Don’t call me out like that in front of my friends. I feel attacked.”

Yeosang smirked and turned to look at Seonghwa.Who was possibly staring at him too intently, his eyes lingering on the up curve of the other boy’s mouth. Seonghwa knew he was caught when those hazel eyes sharpened.

“What do you think of my designs?”

“They’re nice.” _They are amazing. You are amazing. I want to kiss you.Shit. “_ No, I mean your designs are really great.”

Yeosang didn’t answer because just then there was a knock on the door and Mingi let out a groan that was almost sexual.

“Food. Oh thank god. I haven’t eaten since breakfast.”

At the door Yeosang passed Mingi the pizzas and handed the delivery guy a tip before closing the door and walking back into his workshop.

“Don’t!” He shouted when he spotted Mingi lowering the boxes onto one of his cutting tables.“Don’t you dare put those boxes on the table.The fat will stain the worktop and damage any fabrics I cut on it.”

Mingi jerked the pizza’s back and staggered wildly, his eyes wide. 

“The fuck, bro?”

Yeosang gestured to a rugged table.“Here, put it here.”

Seonghwa tried to relax.Jesus, he wasn’t a teenager anymore. He was a confident twenty one year old man who had been kissed, who had kissed and who had done considerably more than kiss. He should not be watching Yeosang the way he was.It wasn’t healthy.But he couldn’t find his footing.He called the man pretty the first time he’d seen him and he possibly _leered_ at him like some lech.Honestly, what the fuck had been in those grapes Hongjoong had been feeding him.

“Right, Seonghwa?”

“Sorry, what?” He glared at San who was telling Yeosang some story he’d zoned out on, as he was trying not to stare at Yeosang licking his fingers free of cheese. 

“I was telling him about the gallery.”

“The gallery,” Seonghwa parroted.“Oh shit, yes.The gallery. It’s not a big deal.”He waved his slice.Why did it have pineapple on it? He hated pineapple.“I’m not the only one that got chosen to show.Yunho and Jongho are showing too.”

“Also friends of yours?”

“Yes, they’re both arts students.Jongho is our maknae.He is a menace.” Seonghwa grinned fondly.“The gallery is owned by the wife of one of our arts professors.She showcases selected students’ art at the end of each year.”

“So, what are you guys studying?” Yeosang asked.“I know Seonghwa is a fashion major, what about you guys?”

“Hongjoongg is a music’s major,” San said, clapping him on the shoulder.“Mingi and I are dance majors.”

“Ah, the music.” Yeosang nodded.“I get it now.”

Seonghwa understood what he meant immediately and grinned. His friends could not live without music, so there was never any silence around them.When he thought of them, it was always to them dancing, singing or seriously discussing whatever song they were listening to.Seonghwa had lost track of the size of his spotify playlist because of them.

“So, dancing? Classical, jazz, contemporary.Ballroom?”

Mingi grabbed San by the shoulders and within seconds he was waltzing his friend around the workshop, careful of the obstacles in the way.

“Yes, ballroom,” San said laughing over his shoulder as Mingi segued them into a wild tango to keep up with the beat from the iMac’s speakers. He swept San in a low backwards arch, bending him as far as he would go without actually hitting his head on the ground, before straightening and spinning him out.They were both laughing and ridiculous.

Yeosang was smiling and applauding.“So impressive.Eight of ten, at least.”

Mingi shook his hair back from his face, grinning.“Thank you, thank you. We’re here all week.”

“Yah, let me go. I need more food.”San disentangled their hands and got back to the table with the pizzas.“We’re doing modern dance, but we just like dancing. Mingi used to do a lot of breakdancing when he was younger.”

“Yeah, I have the scars to prove it.”

“My friend Wooyoung will be doing the music for the show.You should meet up with him.”

“Why isn’t he here then?” Seonghwa asked, and he couldn’t help the tinge of annoyance in his voice.Friend? What did that mean? Was it _friend_ friend or was it _FRIEND FRIEND._ He kinda hated himself for the kick of jealousy in his stomach.

“He’s off tutoring someone. I don’t know.He’s a music/lit double major.”Yeosang waved his hand.“It’s complicated.He’s on an advanced track. I think he’s Hermione or something.”

“Did you…” Hongjoong looked shocked.

“He just did…” Mingi was laughing.

“Holy shit.” San started laughing, slapping his thigh. 

Seonghwa was scowling as he finished off his slice and sucked the cheese off his thumb.He completely failed to see Yeosang shoot him a dark look, before turning to look at the others.

“What? Why are you laughing? What is so funny?”

“You made a Harry Potter reference. Yunho is going to fucking love you.”

“Do you need anyone else super pretty to walk for you? Yunho would love it.”

The thought of Yunho anywhere near Yeosang made Seonghwa want to punch someone. Anyone. What the hell was wrong with him? Yunho was his friend, his bro, his hyung.Seonghwa grabbed the bottled water with an annoyed huff and too late did he realise he hadn’t screwed the cap on properly.Water cascaded over half his face, his t-shirt and his jeans. 

“Holy shit!” He gasped, jumping back so that the water could fall on the cement floor, rather than on the table or across the pizzas. “Holy shit, I’m sorry.That was stupid.”

Yeosang looked annoyed but he grabbed napkins from the stash on the table and handed them to Seonghwa.

“It’s fine.Dry the floor before you slip and brain yourself.Honestly.Are you five?”

Seonghwa took the napkins and stared at Yeosang as he stalked away from them.San and Mingi were creased up laughing and Hongjoong was worriedly checking the pizzas. 

“It’s okay, you’re the only one who got soaked.The food’s okay.”

“Thanks, hyung,” Seonghwa said drily, from where has was crouched on the floor, wiping the water.“Pass me more napkins.”

“Here,” Yeosang said, handing him a towel.“Use this instead.”

Seonghwa glanced up and immediately wished he hadn’t.Yeosang was towering over him, lean legs in ripped jeans giving way to a lean torso the black t-shirt he was wearing couldn’t hide.Yeosang was staring down at him, a heavy frown between his brows and he had his lips pursed as he looked at Seonghwa.

Seonghwa was not a saint. Fuck. The dynamics here were screwed. He was screwed.He couldn’t help the soft gasp, or the way he let his eyes drag its way slowly down Yeosang’s body, resting a little longer than it should have on his waist, the fabric stretching tight across his crotch.He didn’t even care that he let his eyes wander up again to the other boy’s face where they stayed, caught by the widening in the other’s gaze.He bit his lip hard and breathed through his nose.

“You should change,” Yeosang said and his voice seemed deeper.He was still holding the towel.“Mingi, catch.” He threw the towel at the tall dancer and it hit Mingi in the face. Yeosang grabbed Seonghwa by the arm and pulled him up. Seonghwa realised that he was taller than Yeosang and it made him a little weak in the knees, being manhandled by him. “Come.” Yeosang pointed at Mingi then the floor.“Wipe that up, please.”

Seonghwa didn’t even bother looking at his friends as he let Yeosang drag him over to the clothes rack. 

“Use this to dry yourself,” Yeosang said, handing him another towel from where there were several stacked on a chair.“You can borrow one of these shirts,” he said.He let his eyes skim over Seonghwa’s form.“They should fit. Here, I think this one.”He flicked through the shirts rapidly, handing the one he chose to Seonghwa but pulled it back.“Are you purposefully not undressing?”

“I..what?” Seonghwa blinked at him.

“Are you shy?” Yeosang huffed through his nose.“The gods save me from prima donnas.”He draped the shirt back over the clothing rail.He tugged something against the wall and a curtain fell from the ceiling, blocking them from view.“Some models don’t like changing in front of others,” he explained.“Now, take off your clothes.Get dry and put on some dry clothes.” Yeosang pointed to the shirt.“This ought to fit you.What size waist are you? I think…35 or 36…I think maybe…”

Seonghwa stilled as he dropped his wet t-shirt on the ground to find Yeosang staring at him.Yeosang’s lips were parted, and his eyes were very dark. He had his hand raised between them, as if he was going to wrap it around Seonghwa’s hip, like he wanted to rub his thumb over the exposed skin, but he had stopped.Seonghwa wondered if the other boy could hear his heart knocking against his ribs.He felt hot.Why was he so hot? He could feel the heat across his cheeks and it was only when he swallowed, audibly, that Yeosang took half a step back, dropping his hand to his side, curling it into a fist at his side.

“Just…” he gestured.“Choose any of the trousers here.It’s fine.I’ve got to go. Eat.”

And with that he was gone, the curtain fluttering closed around him, leaving Seonghwa leaning heavily against the clothing rail, his heart racing, his mouth dry and his head dizzy, a towel clutched in his hand, wondering what the fuck had just happened.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one is almost wholly just Seonghwa and Yeosang chatting. With some Wooyoung thrown in at the start being overly emo and needy. God, I love this kid so much. The drama!
> 
> \---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a nice fat chapter, longer than the usual 2k I go for in my fics. I started working on it earlier this week and meant to post it on Wednesday but it just kept going and going and well, here we have it. 
> 
> I almost feel bad for Seonghwa who is so whipped for Yeosang but eh, my boy is a bit broken. I will have to amend my tags going forward. Nothing serious, just adding some extra kdrama vibes. 
> 
> A huge thanks to everyone reading this, and those leaving kudos.
> 
> \-----------

Wooyoung burst into their studio apartment so loudly and unexpectedly, Yeosang fell off the couch, having thrown both hands in the air, scattering popcorn everywhere. 

“‘The fuck, Yoongie!?” He shouted, pressing a hand against his chest. “Are you _trying_ to kill me?”

Wooyoung barely spared him a glance.He locked the door, dropped his bag and too a running leap at Yeosang, clutching at him, wrapping both legs and arms around him and holding tight.

“I fucked up, oh god, I fucked up.You have to help me,” he breathed, sitting on Yeosang, hands grabbing his t-shirt, giving him a shake.“Yeosang, please, bro, you have to fix it.”

Yeosang pushed Wooyoung’s face away from his chest with a look of distaste.Wooyoung, once he got going, was dramatic.And Yeosang was not good with dramatic.It scared him.But, they’ve been friends long enough now that he’d learned how to handle an emotional Wooyoung.

It was always best to stop him before things went too far.But tonight apparently, was one of those nights where the drama just wore Wooyoung like a glittery dress.Actual tears had formed in Wooyoung’s eyes and his shoulders were shaking as he huddled against Yeosang’s chest.

“Yoongie?” Yeosang gave his hyung an awkward pat.“What happened?What did you do?”

“I kissed a boy.”

Yeosang’s hands fluttered to his friend’s shoulders, pushing him back a little.“You kiss a lot of boys,” he muttered.“Why are you freaking out about this boy?”

“Because,” Wooyoung pushed back to stare at Yeosang.“I shouldn’t have kissed him.But he was just so…” Tears spilled again.“He was just so goddamn pretty, Yeosangie. And he kissed me back. And it was so good.”

“So? You liked it? He liked it?”

“Fuck, yes, so much.”

Yeosang closed his eyes.“I need alcohol,” he said to no one in particular.Lots of it.“And so, what is the problem?”

But Wooyoung was crying again. And he was making a mess of Yeosang’s t-shirt. Yeosang waited for the crying to lessen.Carefully, he shifted Wooyoung off his lap and padded to their kitchen.He found a bottle of soju, two clean glasses and carried it back to the table.He sat down next to Wooyoung who curled up against his side, still sniffling.Yeosang turned down the volume on the movie he was watching, so that the voices were barely audible, before he poured them each a shot. 

They threw the soju back.Then two more shots followed the first.

“Wooyoungie, what happened?”

“I can’t…” he hiccuped.“Another, please.”

“You have class in the morning,” Yeosang warned him. 

“Fuck class.Fuck school.Fuck everything.”He leaned over and almost toppled the soju bottle over as he poured them each another shot.“I’m getting drunk.”

Yeosang, because he was a good bro _and_ hyung couldn’t let Wooyoung get drunk by himself, even if he wasn’t entirely sure what it was they were getting drunk about.But then, he had his own demons riding him.Demon, singular.A demon with lips like sin and eyes so dark and expressive he wanted to do terrible things to see those lips part and moan and tears form in those eyes. 

There were more shots.And a second bottle of soju.Wooyoung was sobbing again and Yeosang was actually holding his friend this time, because soju just did that, breaking down his dislike for touching and being touched. 

Some time, during the small hours of the morning he’d managed to get them both showered and into their respective beds in their respective rooms.Yeosang was fucking proud of that.He smiled to himself in the dark as he downed two glasses of water and some aspirin.He didn’t bother setting his alarm because fuck classes. 

***

Yeosang found himself in the library before lunch.If he blew off classes, he knew he had to make it up by doing coursework.He sat with his books spread out around him, enjoying the feel of the sun against his face where it came through the windows.He had no idea how long he sat like that, with his eyes closed, but the library was almost empty and no one would see him anyway.The silence was a balm.Wooyoung was still sleeping when he left earlier.Clearly something had happened to his bro to shake him up so badly.Wooyoung was confident, smart and cute.But he also had a propensity to talk big, front and do stupid things.Like kissing boys who maybe did not want to be kissed?

Yeosang sighed and bent back to his coursework.He had to write an essay on the socioeconomic impact the Huguenots had leaving France, specifically pertaining to how it impacted the weaving industry.It was interesting, but it was also dull.

***

Seonghwa sat on the floor in the library, his pencil flying over the page as he sketched Yeosang.He’d stumbled across him by accident just as he was leaving to meet Hongjoong. He wanted to go up and talk to him, but the other boy had just looked so pensive as he sat in the sun, his head tilted towards the light, that Seonghwa couldn’t break the moment.

The sunlight had made a halo of his hair, softening the sharp line of his jaw, picking out the high cheekbones and length of his neck. 

He was dressed in black again, today.Seonghwa suspected that it was his signature, to wear only black.It suited him though, it contrasted beautifully with his pale clear skin.Seonghwa tried not to remember their interaction from the day before, and especially not that moment where Yeosang had almost touched Seonghwa before pulling back and away. 

Seonghwa’s phone buzzed and he turned it off, caught up in the long lines of the other.It was only when his legs started to cramp that he realised he’d been sitting here for almost an hour, sketching.He paged through his sketchbook, satisfied with what he’d done.He packed up his pencils and notebook before standing with effort.He’ll have to ask either Mingi or San to help him stretch out his legs.Maybe he was really getting old?

“Seonghwa?”

He whipped his head around so fast he almost cracked it against the shelf he was leaning against when he heard Yeosang’s voice behind him.

“Oh, hey.” He flushed as he straightened, lifting his bag over his shoulder. Yeosang’s hazel eyes were frank as he stared at him.He tried his best not to look like he had not just spent the better part of an hour drawing his crush like some perv.“How are you doing?”He was going to hell in a hand-basket.

“I’m not sure,” Yeosang said, rubbing a tired hand over his face.“This essay I’m trying to write is kicking my ass.”

It’s then that Seonghwa realised that Yeosang did in fact look less great than usual.Before he could stop himself, he closed the gap between them, which, okay was a stupid thing to do because for a microsecond Yeosang stared at him, eyes very wide, before stepping back, creating a bubble of space around himself.

“You look terrible.Have you had lunch?” Seonghwa glanced at the desk where Yeosang had been sitting.“If not, get your stuff, I’ll buy you to lunch.”

“What? No, I mean, thanks? But also,” Yeosang looked flustered and then annoyed.“I look that bad?”

“No, what the hell.You look fine.”Seonghwa fluttered a hand and noticed that today Yeosang’s t-shirt said **sarcasm is my defence mechanism**.“It’s just that you look really tired. Like you’ve been awake most of the night?” His mind went into what would keep Yeosang awake most of the night, and he imagined Yeosang moaning under someone, coming undone, and his mind literally slammed the door on that image shut. Hard. 

“Oh, yeah.Well.Roommate issues.” Yeosang turned and walked back to his desk.He gathered his stuff together and packed it away in his backpack.“I’m not letting you buy me lunch, but I wouldn’t mind the company.Besides, we’ve not had the chance to talk about me sitting for you.”

They left the library and Seonghwa was very aware of the distance Yeosang kept between them as they walked side by side.It wasn’t something he’d every consciously thought about, as San and Mingi were forever hanging off one another, off him, off Hongjoong and both Jongho and Yunho seemed to make it their mission to cuddle all of them, like baby koalas.Their skinship was natural, felt natural, and it never occurred to him that there would be anyone who shied away from touch.

“Where do you want to go?” Yeosang asked.“Any allergies? Are you vegetarian?”

“No, I’m fine with anything.”

“Easy, I like it.” Yeosang hummed and glanced around, not seeing the way Seonghwa flushed at his words.“There’s a place I’ve been meaning to try.It’s a cafe, but they do decent food, apparently.You up for it?”

“Sure.”

“What were you doing at the library today?”

“Research.I’ve been there since they opened.I have a project I’m working on for class. It’s on the pre-Raphaelite movement. It’s kinda boring really.”

“Nice. I’m researching the Huguenots.About weaving and socio economic impact and oh my god I am losing my mind.” Yeosang groaned and clutched his face.“I mean, I usually don’t mind it? But I can’t get my brain to function today.”

“Eh, it’s okay.I feel you.I am fucking arts student. I don’t want to write essays.”

Yeosang leads them to a large cafe with an outdoor courtyard area.They order and take their food to a table in the courtyard.It was later than most would get lunch, so the place was quiet.

“So, what are you planning to do with your degree,” Yeosang asked him as they sat down.Seonghwa doesn’t look at the way the other boy’s lips close around the straw or the way his cheeks hollow as he sucks down his 2000 calorie milkshake.

“Well, obviously I would love to be a world famous artist, but I want to teach art.Either that or, I don’t know, design sets for movies.”He grinned at himself.“Or, failing that, I’ll have to find myself a sugar daddy and become a kept man.”

“Well,” said Yeosang, his expression thoughtful as it flickered over him assentingly.“You _are_ handsome, but I think you wouldn’t do well being a kept sugar baby.”

“And why is that?”

“You’re too restless. You don’t sit still.”

Seonghwa who’d just taken a mouthful of his toasted sandwich raised an eyebrow. “You’ve know me for five minutes.How do you know I can’t sit still?”

“You’re always moving. Your hands especially. You’re drawing or tapping out music, even when you’re not meant to be.Like now.”Yeosang nodded to where his free hand was drawing circles on the table.“I don’t think sugar babies are meant to be anything but quiet pliant little things who look pretty and who get fucked in the back seat of limos.”

Seonghwa tried his best not to choke on black coffee.He tries his best not to think about Yeosang talking about anything related to sex.Or being fucked.He focussed on his sandwich. “Okay, so we’ve determined that you are a bit freaky what with the watching and the,” he gestures lamely.“Everything, basically.It’s weird. I wouldn’t have thought you’d be this weird.”

Yeosang smirked and it did things to Seonghwa’s insides.

They’re quiet for a bit before he asks.“And you? What’s the route you’re taking with your designs?”

“I have a five year plan,” Yeosang said, as if it explained everything.

“Are you going to clue me in?”

“Nope.”

Seonghwa does _not_ watch Yeosang’s plush philtrum when he makes the ‘p’ in the nope. 

“Asshole.” But Seonghwa was smiling.When he looked up, he caught Yeosang watching him. “What?”

“How did you guys all meet?”

“I met Mingi and San in high school. Hongjoong was dating San back then if you can call it dating.They were more like, friends with benefits.” He grinned remembering.“Then Yunho and Jongho sort of, fell in with us because of the music and the dancing.”

“But you sketch and paint?”

“But I’m minoring in dance too.”

Yeosang’s eyes sparked.“Oh, I didn’t know.That would explain it.”

“Explain what?”Seonghwa wondered if Yeosang had meant to say the out loud, because a light blush had settled over his cheekbones.“Yeosang?”

“Nothing.Just.” He waved his hand, as if waving the words away.“Ignore that. Were you sketching, earlier? In the library?”

Seonghwa froze.“Uh, yes?”

“Were you sketching _me_?” Yeosang wasn’t flirting with him, but there was something about the light frown between his dark brows, the soft pout of his lips, that makes Seonghwa swallow audibly.

“Maybe?”

“Hmm.I’m not sure if I should be flattered or worried about your stalker tendencies.”

“What?” Seonghwa huffed out loud.“Stalker? What?”

“You were sketching at my workshop too, last night. Were you sketching me?”

“No.” It wasn’t a lie, entirely.“I was sketching in general.”

“Show me.”Not a question. A demand.Yeosang’s hand hovered between them, palm up. 

Seonghwa dug in his bag and handed over the sketchbook he was drawing in the night before, not the one he was using in the library. 

Yeosang put the sketchbook down and carefully cleaned his hands, which Seonghwa appreciated, before picking it up again.He paged carefully, examining each page with a critical eye, occasionally nodding.

“You’re good, you asshole.” He spun the page around and showed Seonghwa the page he was hovering over.It was one of his warmup sketches he’d done a while ago.It was of a complete stranger, someone at college, he couldn’t even remember.They guy had been sitting under a tree and Seonghwa had been caught by how lonely he’d looked, how thoughtful and far away.He hadn’t been able to walk past.He’d not sketched the guy’s face, hiding it slight shadow, so it was merely a suggestion.“I hate you.”

Seonghwa laughed a little.“Thanks, I guess?”

Yeosang’s frown deepened as he paged through the sketchbook until he came across the sketches Seonghwa had made the night before.

“You love your friends,” he said.“You draw them often.” He showed him the sketch of Mingi and San, hanging off one another.They were quick small sketches. He paged and stopped.“I really look like this?”

“What?” Seonghwa made a grab for the sketchbook but Yeosang leaned back, out of reach. 

“You make me look…”

“What?” Seonghwa had no idea what Yeosang was going about.Last night’s sketches weren’t anything serious.Quick fun things, nothing to elicit a response like _that._

 _“_ Interesting.” Yeosang handed him the sketchbook back, his eyes very dark.“You make me look interesting.Like _someone_.”

Seonghwa opened the sketchbook and stared at the quick character study.He’d caught Yeosang in mid-motion, talking and frowning at something one of the others had said. 

“Well, you are someone interesting,” Seonghwa said, trying not the let the fact that he liked Yeosang bleed through into his voice.“I like sketching you.You’re very expressive. You have great lines.”

Yeosang’s expression was nonplussed.“I have great lines?” He pressed a finger against his chest.“Me?”

Seonghwa snorted.“Are you fishing for compliments? How many times have you told me and the others we’re good looking? That we’ll make your clothes look good?If you can recognise beautify in others, you have to know you are just as good looking.”

“Well.” Yeosang’s hands are curled together on the table in front of him and he didn’t quite meet the other’s eyes as he parsed the words.“I just, am not sure what to make of that?”

Seonghwa blinked.The other boy was blushing and looked flustered.Flustered looked so fucking good on him. Seonghwa wanted to reach out and press a thumb to his bottom lip that’s suffused with so much colour.He had no colour in his studio that would match it, he was sure of it.“Are you blushing?”He sat closer, elbows on the table, staring intently.Maybe staring a little too intently.“Fuck, Yeosang. Has no one ever told you how achingly pretty you are?”

The head shake was almost imperceptible and then those hazel eyes met his and his heart almost stopped. “What are you doing?”

And Seonghwa had no idea what he was doing because he wanted, no he needed to tell this aloof boy how he made him feel, how he ached, impossibly, to just touch him.But something in the way Yeosang held himself, how he looked _scared_ made him hold back.He breathed heavily through his mouth.

“I, fuck, I don’t know.You make me say and do stupid shit.I’m sorry.”

The silence between them drew out longer, but it’s not uncomfortable.It’s something else.Something with weight.

“I can’t be in a relationship,” Yeosang said, his voice very low, raw almost.“Do you understand? It doesn’t fit with what I’m planning for my life.”

Seonghwa was nodding but really, he didn’t understand.He didn’t want to understand.So he faked understanding if it meant that that hunted expression in Yeosang’s eyes would go away.

“I’m sorry, Seonghwa. And thank you for the compliment.” Yeosang’s lips twisted in a wry smile.“I fucked this up, made it weird and I’m sorry.”

“What? No, you didn’t fuck anything up.”

“Please, I’ve just made it all so bloody weird. I reacted like a blushing virgin. Jesus.” He shook his head.“How can I expect you or your friends to still do me the favour of walking for me? It’ll be too weird.”

“Hey, no wait.” Seonghwa’s heart was knocking against his ribs so hard now, he was sure Yeosang could hear it.“This is on me.I’m sorry I made you uncomfortable.I didn’t mean to. Don’t change things now, because of me.Honestly, I’ll stay out of your way.You’ve got the boys and they really like your clothes. San hasn’t stopped raving about you.So.” He spread his hands.“I’m afraid, you’re stuck with them even if you don’t want them.”

“You make them sound like a disease.”

“Not a disease.More like fungus. Once they’ve taken hold, you can’t get rid of them.”

It felt like it took a hundred years but Yeosang gives a small nod, that frown between his brows. He glanced at Seonghwa before glancing away, back down to his hands where they’re twisted together on the table in front of him.

“I feel like I should explain.”

Seonghwa shook his head. “No, honestly.You don’t have to.I overstepped. I made you uncomfortable. It’s all on me.”

Yeosang pressed his mouth into a line that said quite clearly he didn’t like what he was saying but he nodded.

“But,” he said.“Here’s the thing.”

“I’m listening.” Seonghwa wiped crumbs off his fingers and moved the plate out of the way.“All ears.”

“If the boys walk for me, I want you to too.”

“Even if I’m an asshole?”

“Well, we established that you were an asshole within the first five seconds of meeting, so…”

Seonghwa laughs.“Yeah, but only if you’re sure.”

“I’m sure.But I’m telling you now, to your face because you weren’t listening when I was talking to the others last night.It’s not going to be easy.It’s hard work.I’m an absolutely bitch when it comes to doing things right,” Yeosang said.“And I’m going to drill you guys on how to walk properly.”

“Dancers,” Seonghwa said.“We’ll cope.”

Well, he thought, as he smiled at Yeosang.That was almost a disaster.But it was early days still. He was sure he was going to fuck it up.

“So,” Yeosang said. 

“So,” he responded. 

“Do you still need me to sit for you?”And the way he asks it, leaves Seonghwa wondering what to answer.He sounded tentative, scared.If he answered yes, would he come across as weird again? If he said no, he’d sound like an asshole and probably hurt the guy’s feelings.

“I am happy to let it go, but honestly? Yes, I’d like it.Very much.”

“Fine, quid pro quo then.I sit for you, you walk for me.”

“Uh, great. Sure, wow, okay.” Seonghwa mentally did a fist pump.“You’d have to come to my studio though.”

“Sure, I mean.I can bring my stuff around and we can work around our schedules.”

“Amazing.”He pulled out his phone.“I’ll send you the address.It’s not as fancy as your workshop but I get to throw paint around without anyone telling me off.”

And it is amazing, because Yeosang almost smiles.But there’s something between them now, something tentative and Seonghwa likes it.He’ll grab it with both hands.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Why are you calling me? Why is there an angry peacock shrieking in the background?”
> 
> \----

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for staying with and the fic!
> 
> The chapters seem to keep getting longer and longer. I'm not even sorry.
> 
> Not even sorry turning Wooyoung into a stress baker, at all.

Wooyoung was baking when Yeosang got home.Wooyoung couldn’t cook to save his life but the boy could bake.Yeosang walked into the kitchen and sat down at the breakfast nook, taking in the chocolate cake, the brownies, the blueberry muffins, and lemon drizzle cake.Wooyoung was mixing more batter to the side, clutching at the bowl.

“So, you’re still freaked out?” He prompts his best friend who, the moment he heard Yeosang enter, had put the kettle on for some coffee. 

“I am. But this,” he gestured to the cakes.“This is for you.To say thanks.For letting me cry all over you last night.I know you don’t do cuddles so, it means a lot.”

Yeosang doesn’t say anything.He accepts the coffee which has a swirl of hazelnut syrup in it with a happy sigh.

“So, are you going to tell me what happened?”He stares at his best friend. “You were _gone_ last night.”

Wooyoung carefully set aside the bowl and leaned towards him over the counter.He prodded a finger at the plate with the chocolate brownies.“These are especially good.”

Yeosang dutifully took one and bit into the square.Taste exploded.He hummed.

“Let’s make a deal.If you’re not married by you’re forty, you marry me,” he tells Wooyoung, and the other boy gives a delighted evil cackle.

“Please, bro.Have you seen this ass? By the time I’m forty I’ll be on my second marriage.”

“That is oddly specific,” Yeosang pointed out, licking his fingers and reaching for a blueberry muffin.

“But you know, I’d still marry you out of pity.Because I am a good friend.”

“Who says I won’t be married by then?”

“Will you?”

Yeosang stilled as he chewed on the muffin.“No,” he says around a mouthful.“No, you’re right. I won’t be married.I’m not getting married, ever.”

“Wait, what?” Wooyoung leaned closer to peer at him.“You’re kidding right?”

“You’re deflecting.” Yeosang shoved the remaining piece of muffin in his face. “Tell me what happened yesterday?”

“So, you know the kid I’m tutoring?” Wooyoung said, after a long drawn out moment where he stared at Yeosang too hard.“Well, he’s such a heterosexual. But fuck he’s pretty.Like, like just he’s delicious.He wears these button downs, and chinos.I mean, what the fuck, right? Who wears chinos unless they are middle aged men?And he has this mouth and these big eyes?Like, I could stare into them for days and die happy.”

“Wait, back up.Kid? Why are you calling him ‘kid’? How old is he?Jesus, Wooyoung, if you’re messing with a minor I am not bailing your ass out of jail.”

“What? No, Yeosang.Fuck, I’m not a pervert.He’s in college, first year.He’s like twenty.Jesus, you weirdo.It’s just…he looks so fresh and pretty.And he does dress in these pastel little jumpers and it makes me want to tear my hair out.”

“So, you like him?”

“So fucking much, it brings me pain.”

“And he’s heterosexual?”

“Well, I think so? Like, he’s never said anything different? But his room looks het? Like, it’s very stylised. And he has photos of women in his bedroom? Like celebrities? So I guess he’s het?”

Yeosang tries not to point out that his room is stylised and yet, he’s definitely not straight.But Wooyoung likes the drama, so he nods along anyway.

“And you kissed? Did he punch you in the dick?”

Wooyoung clatters the mixing bowl back onto the counter.“No, but listen.So, we’re at his apartment okay? He shares it with another guy, who’s a friend from school.They go to uni together or something.But the guy is out, doing whatever it is that he does when I’m there to tutor him.And we’re sitting there, talking about the impact Chaucer has had on the west and it was so intense and then, we were just leaning towards one another and we kissed.It was like _everything_ , Yeosang.I want to fucking gay marry this boy.”

“What did he do?Did he kiss you back or did he run screaming?”

“Well, he kissed me back.For quite a while actually.And then the front door opened and his friend got home and he just, he fucking ran way from me? And his friend just stared at me and I packed up my shit and came home.”

Yeosang drank his coffee in silence and Wooyoung picked up his mixing bowl.In the background he was aware of music playing.It made him think of the night before, with the Seonghwa and his friends, how they danced and talked and included him, even though he was a complete stranger. 

“So, have you spoken to him today?”

“What? No.Jesus, Yeosangie, why would I do that? The kid ran away from me the second his roommate came home.Obviously he’s…”

“You are an asshole, Wooyoung, let me tell you that.”Yeosang pressed a finger against his chest.“I am emotionally repressed, I know that for a fact.I struggle with intimacy and people.You, on the other hand do not.You love everyone and everyone loves you, because you are a nice guy.Did you stop to think for one second that this boy is maybe not as het as you think he is? Or that he’s not out yet? Or that he’s out and he’s just scared?” He drew a breath.“Or that he likes you so much that he ran away when you kissed him because he didn’t know what else to do?”

Wooyoung was pouting, his shoulders slumped.

“When did you grow up, Yeosang? When did you become the fucking adult in the room?”

“I have always been wise beyond my years,” he pointed out.He found Wooyoung’s phone on the counter and pushed it towards him.“Fucking call him.Don’t text him.”

“I will, once I’ve got the loaf in the oven.”

Wooyoung turned around and started ladling the batter into a prepared bread tin.Yeosang waited until he saw his friend was no longer paying attention to him and swiped the code he knew Wooyoung used into the phone, found his messages where he’d been texting this kid.He laughed when he saw the name with the thirsty emoji next to his name.

He wasn’t a perv and didn’t read the message but instead he just pressed ‘yes’ to dial this number and waited for it to connect.It rang twice before it was answered.The voice on the other side sounded tentative, rushed and a little soft.

“Is this,” he glanced at the name.“Is this Jongho?”

Wooyoung’s head swung around, hand on the bread tin, his eyes wide in shock. 

“What the fuck are you doing?” He hissed, quickly dropping the tin and skittering around the island to get to Yeosang who stood up, backing away from him.

“Yes, but this isn’t Wooyoung.”

“Sorry, it’s not. But I’m a good friend of his.His best friend basically.”

“I am going to kill you, bro,” Wooyoung hisses, slapping at Yeosang’s outstretched arm.“Give me my phone.”

Yeosang kicked at Wooyoung, connecting with a shin and the boy gave an angry yell, propelling himself forward.

“Why are you calling me? Why is there an angry peacock shrieking in the background?”

“The angry peacock is my best friend.Listen carefully: he likes you but he’s an asshole.I am going to lock him in his room and you are going to talk to him to sort out whatever happened between you.”Yeosang stepped into Wooyoung’s space, startling him, enough that he stilled so that Yeosang could grab his shirt, pivot him and shove him into his bedroom.

“Are you okay with that?” He said into the phone, watching as Wooyoung went flailing backwards onto his bed. 

“Yes.”Yeosang grinned.He liked this kid.He sounded determined. 

“Great, good luck.”With that he tossed the phone at Wooyoung, found the key on the inside of the door, pulled it out and slammed the door shut and locked it.“You can come out only when you’ve given him my number to tell me to let you out!” He yells before retreating to the kitchen.

He finished up his coffee, turned the music louder, and sat down at the table with his essay.He worked on it till his phone buzzed on the table.

**Unknown Number**

_This is Jongho.We talked._

**Yeosang**

_And? Does he get to leave his room this decade?_

**Jongho**

_Yes, but give him a few minutes.He was crying._

_Thank you, hyung._

**Yeosang**

_I didn’t do anything.He was going to call you.I just made him do it sooner._

**Jongho**

_He kissed me. It really scared me. I didn't know he liked me LIKE THAT._

Yeosang closed his eyes as he read the words. He didn’t need anyone else confiding in him. He could do without it.

**Yeosang**

_Wooyoung sometimes doesn’t think his actions through.He’s not a bad guy.But he does act before he thinks sometimes._

**Jongho**

_I like that about him.He makes me laugh tho.We’re okay now, I think. So thanks._

**Yeosang**

_Great.Well, he’s baked a shit ton of stuff.So make sure you see him soon so you can enjoy the fruits of his endless stressing._

_(Pic attached)_

**Jongho**

_I did not expect that.I am calling him right now to bring me some.Like, tonight. OmG, are those BROWNIES adfadfadgadgadghy_

Yeosang grinned at that. He knew his audience. He waited until he could hear Wooyoung’s voice in the room behind him again.It was low and soft. 

**Yeosang**

_You’re welcome!_

_“_ Let me out of my room, you goddamn asshole!” Wooyoung’s voice was accompanied by his door being rattled almost off its hinges.

Yeosang unlocked his door and stepped aside as Wooyoung hurtled past him, pulling on a hoodie.“The loaf needs to go in the oven.Twenty minutes.Set a timer.I’m taking stuff for my bae.”

He watched in amusement as Wooyoung stuffed baked goods randomly into Tupperware containers, shove them into his backpack and run for the door.But before he leaves he pops his head around the corner, and fixes Yeosang with a look.

“I hate you.But I also love you.Don’t wait up.”

“Be safe.Three fingers prep at least, use a condom and lots of lube.Make healthy choices!”

There’s a noise that sounds like a strangled cat and Wooyoung falling over his own feet.“Fuck you, bro.”

Yeosang grinned as the door slammed shut behind him.He turned back to the kitchen, popped the banana loaf in the oven and set the timer on his phone. 

***

Yeosang felt more nervous than he should as he made his way to Seonghwa’s studio two days later.He’d handed in the essay he had been working on and the relief had felt immense.He’d spent the rest of the time he had freed up hunting for fabrics in the city and people watching. The one thing about it being a college town, meant it held endless fascinating people who chose to dress differently.It was one of his favourite things to do, hazelnut latte in hand, sketchbook in the other, just getting ideas of shapes, of what people wore well and more importantly, what people wore badly.

Seonghwa answered the door to his studio and he looked…for the want of a better word, wrecked.It looked like he’d not slept since he’d seen him.He was dressed in denim overalls and no shirt.One leg of the overalls was rolled up and more than the stretch of bare skin showing his wide shoulders and angular collarbones, it was the one calf exposed that drew Yeosang’s attention.

“You’re here,” Seonghwa said, sounding surprised. Then: “Shit, you’re here.I’m sorry, I got carried away. I’ve not…” He gestured over his shoulder.“I’ve not tidied up.But come inside.”

Yeosang kicked up his longboard and brushed past the other boy.The smell of paint and thinners and _masculine boy_ hit his noise and he faltered for a second.

“Just, dump your bag wherever.It’s fine.” Seonghwa ran a hand through his hair and Yeosang watched intently as the muscles in his arms shifted.He had paint on his hands, and arms.And some flecks in his dark hair too. 

Yeosang drew his eyes away from him reluctantly and looked around the room. His breath hitched in his throat. The studio wasn’t as big as his workshop, but it was still a great space.Open.There were large windows, letting in a lot of light and above them was a glass ceiling. 

“It’s great isn’t it? It belongs to the university. From like the last century or something.It sat abandoned for a while until some art students decided to turn it into studios.”

“It’s great,” Yeosang said, walking further into the room. It was organised similarly to his space.Art supplies, paints, paint brushes, a variety of fresh canvasses in various sizes.propped against one wall.What he didn’t expect was the wall of books.He let his fingers drift over the spines.Modern art, classical, impressionism, there were books about sculpture, about mixed media. 

“Can I get you something to drink?”

“Water, thanks.”Yeosang clicked his fingers.“Before I forget.I brought you something.My roommate baked.” He pulled out a plastic tub.“He bakes when he stresses.”

“Oh,” Seonghwa said, looking surprised.“That’s great, thanks.I’ve not eaten today.I just realised.I’m starving.”

“That’s stupid.” Yeosang put the lid on the selection of baked goods so fast Seonghwa yelped, pulling his hand back just as he was reaching for a muffin.

“The fuck?”

“It’s six.You need to eat dinner.What do you want?” Yeosang pulled his phone out, frown pulling his brows together.“My treat.”

They order Thai.

Yeosang wanders around the studio some more whilst they wait.There’s a painting on the easel but its covered with a light cloth. 

“What are you working on?”

“A commission.There’s a new startup opening in a few days and they wanted something for the reception.”

“Can I look?”Yeosang gestured at the painting.“But it’s okay if you don’t want to show me?”

“No, it’s fine.It’s just, it’s abstract so it’s not to everyone’s taste.”

“I like abstract art. I like art.” Yeosang gestured to the cloth.“But you show me.”

The boy stepped past him, again, so close he could feel the heat of his body as he passed and Yeosang unconsciously shifted into the space beside him, in front of the easel, closer than he would have normally.Seonghwa twitched the cloth off and Yeosang fell in love.

He had no idea what it was, but he loved it. He pressed his nose close, then stepped a few steps back.Then further.He drank up the colours, the feel of the painting, and he could feel something settle in his chest, letting him breathe.He moved so he could get a side-view of the canvas, noticing how Seonghwa had somehow made it look dimensional. 

He must have been very quiet for some time because Seonghwa clattered his brushes into a jar filled with water, drawing his attention briefly. 

“What do you think?”An eyebrow quirked,lower lip caught between his teeth.He suddenly looked young and uncertain.

“I don’t know,” Yeosang answered honestly, watching the swirl of colours, trying to _see_.“I have no idea what it is, but I like it.I love the colours.The…” he gestured, turning to Seonghwa.“The composition? It makes me feel happy, drawn in. Like it wants me to visit and stay.”

Seonghwa turned to look at his canvas, humming.“You see that?”

Yeosang frowned, walking closer again.“Is it done?”

“I’ll finish it tomorrow.”

“Can you show it to me once its done?”

“Sure, of course.”

Yeosang nodded, satisfied. He walked away so he could flick through some completed canvases.He pulled out a few that he liked, turning them face out so he could look at them.Seonghwa went ahead cleaning his brushes, watching him from the corner of his eye.

“I like your art, you know? Colourful, vibrant.You’re really very good at drawing the human form.”Yeosang spun one of the canvases around.It was a nude of a woman seated in a garden.It was a side view and she had her feet tucked to the side, showing off the elegant lines of her neck, the slope of her breast and the curve of her waist.

“Another friend who sat for you?”

Seonghwa grinned.“Yes, another friend.”

“Lucky girl,” Yeosang said but his tone was thoughtful.“So, how do you want me?”

***

Seonghwa choked on air, fumbled his brushes and grabbed for his stool to stop himself falling over. He straightened hastily, brushed his wet hands over the bib and stared at Yeosang blankly for a second.

“Oh initially?” Get a fucking grip, he told himself. “Just grab a seat and sit here.Do you need to use the loo, any water or?”

“I’m all good, thanks.I’ve got an online class I want to listen to, is that okay?”

“Of course.”

They take a few minutes to set up the bluetooth speaker so that Yeosang could listen to the online class.Once that was done, Seonghwa pulled a low bench forward.He rummaged through a large crate of blankets and cushions, before handing them to Yeosang.

“That bench gets uncomfortable after a while,” he said.“So, this should help.”

“Just like this?” Yeosang gestured to himself.“You okay with the shirt?”

Seonghwa glanced at the basic black t-shirt with the screen-printed word **SAVAGE** on it and nodded. 

“These are preliminary sketches, you’ll be fine.”

They eat quickly as the food arrives and it’s weirdly, okay, the quiet.Seonghwa can feel himself relaxing.They make smalltalk, which Seonghwa has never really been good at.He can sense Yeosang is relaxing too.There’s less of him frowning and more of him looking a little thoughtful and his shoulders seem near his ears, as if he was bracing himself for an attack.

“So what do you do for fun?” Seonghwa asks him.“Like, how do you relax?”

“I skateboard.” Yeosang glances at his longboard.“I learned from my dad.”

“Your dad?” Seonghwa’s grin was wide.“That is so cool.”

“Yeah, it was.He was a good guy.”

Past tense. Seonghwa wanted to ask more, but before he could Yeosang stands.“Okay, let’s do this.” He wipes his mouth and fingers.“I don’t want to take up your whole night.”

Seonghwa nods, packing the food containers up and dumping them.He feels a little bereft.The frown is back between Yeosang’s brows and he wants to just reach over and smooth the skin between them a little.

It’s remarkably easy to sketch Yeosang, for real.Not sneaking glances, no furtive sketches.He has good clean lines and Seonghwa falls into a rhythm, lulled by the lecturer’s voice as he drones on about something or the other he barely pays attention to.Yeosang moves and shifts his position as per Seonghwa’s quiet requests and something stutters in Seonghwa’s chest when he notices how well Yeosang takes direction.He’s not into role-play or BDSM that much, but he’s experimented, okay and he’s a little dumbstruck by how easily Yeosang follows his firm commands.“Lift your chin, part your lips, tilt you head back, close your eyes.”

The two hour lecture goes by in a flash.By the time it does, Seonghwa knows exactly how he’s going to paint Yeosang.He’s just not sure what the other boy would make of it. 

“Can I see?” Yeosang asks after stretching his limbs and arching his back, making soft grumbling noises about holding poses for too long. 

“Sure,” Seonghwa says, stepping aside from the A2 sketchpad.“I’ve done various studies, drawn a few poses.”

Yeosang stays quiet for the longest time.He became aware of how close they were standing, not touching, but he could feel the heat from Yeosang’s body against his naked arm. 

“You kinda freak me out,” Yeosang eventually mutters, turning away and god, they almost touch. “You make me look like me but not? I can’t explain it.”

“If you’re uncomfortable, I can…we don’t have to do this.I can ask someone else?”

“No, it’s fine.It’s just, unexpected.I’m not used to being seen.”

Seonghwa doesn’t know what to make of that at all. Yeosang looks uncertain as he glances between the sketches.

“Sorry, I sound weird.I like them.I like your art.So would you need me again?”

It’s on the tip of Seonghwa’s tongue to tell him that yes, he’d need to see him again when the studio’s door bursts open with a crash and fuck when what the hell?

“Hello, fuckers!” Mingi yells, dragging San behind him.“We’re here to invade and conquer.And drag you off dancing.”

Yeosang looks like he wants to faint and Seonghwa steps between him and his friends.

“What the fuck, guys?” He yells at them, more to give Yeosang time to get himself together.“Why are you even here?”

“Dancing, we gotta go dancing!” Mingi yells, tackling him in a hug, smothering him against his chest.San just smirks at him and turns to look at Yeosang.

“Nice t-shirt, bro.”

“Thanks, San,” Yeosang says, his voice quiet.“I made it myself.”

“Of course you fucking did,” Mingi says, pulling away from Seonghwa and rounding on Yeosang, clapping him on the shoulder.“Do you also do the,” he gestures to Yeosang’s chest. “Words?”

“Yes.”

“Epic.Will you do some for us? For the team? We’ve got a showcase coming up in a few weeks?”

“Yes, of course.” Yeosang gently steps out of Mingi’s space and starts putting his stuff together.“Just tell me the sizes, and how many and I’ll let you know the price.”

“You’re going to charge us?” Mingi’s voice, never the softest, deepens in mortification.“But we’re friends!”

“That’s why I won’t be charging you what I charge the cheerleaders,” Yeosang deadpans.“Because we’re friends.”

“Bro!” San claps his hands together.“He has to charge.It’s good business.”

“Plus, it’s my time, my labour, my products I’m using.”

Mingi goes full on pout-mode and Seonghwa has seen grown men fall for that look.But Yeosang only stares at him, his gaze suddenly very cold and withdrawn. 

“Or you can go to the shop in town who do a shit job with mass produced t-shirts that will disintegrate in the first wash,” he points out, ruthlessly.

San hooks an arm over Mingi’s shoulders and presses a kiss against his temple.

“It’s okay, babe. I’ll help you convince the professor.”

“Ugh, fine.”

San slaps him on the ass.“But for now, let’s go party!”

“Guys I’m not sure I’m going to go,” Seonghwa says, glancing at the easel with the prepared canvas.“I need to paint.”

“And I need to go away,” Yeosang says, looping his backpack over his shoulder.“Like, not be near you lot at all.You are damaging my calm.”But there’s no vitriol in his tone, just a strange look that almost looks like he wants to smile.

They argue for a few more minutes and Seonghwa watches as Yeosang sticks to his guns, and just as he’s about to step in,Mingi and San relent, reluctantly, withdrawing a promise from Yeosang that next time he’d join them.

To Seonghwa’s horror, he finds himself with San and Mingi, never really able to say no to them or to dancing.Nothing says he couldn’t come back to the studio to paint after dancing. His need to paint Yeosang feels a physical thing.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yeosang
> 
> The collar is not something I usually wear
> 
> Tbh 
> 
> It was part of an outfit Wooyoung made me wear
> 
> It was Halloween
> 
> Mistakes were made
> 
> ***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heya! Thanks for all the kudos mateys, much appreciated.   
> And apologies for the slight delay in getting the next big chunk set up.   
> No real excuse apart from deadlines kicking my ass and not having the time to play in the Ateez world. 
> 
> Please, do leave comments and chat to me! 
> 
> For the image I refer to later in the chapter below, check it out here: https://i.pinimg.com/originals/15/65/f3/1565f3d5f8fb6e87f9f728d6e92723c2.jpg 
> 
> ***

Yeosang goes dark.He works all hours the gods have given him when he’s not in class.He barely sees anyone and falls into bed in the small hours of the morning and wakes up to have a quick shower and then head to class, before going back to his workshop.

His designs are taking shape and he is liking where his vision is going.It helps that he’s taken photos of the four boys for reference so he knows how the fabric would fit and drape across them. 

It’s been a week and a half since he’d seen anyone or spoken to anyone who wasn’t his professor.He knows Wooyoung is alive because he gets obnoxious updates from his roommate with selcas of him and his ‘bae’ as he refers to Jongho and it would have made Yeosang gag if he didn’t find it endearing.

When the knock came, it startled him our of his thoughts. He sat back in his chair and dropped both hands to his lap, blinking away the bright light of the sewing machine’s guide light he’d been staring at for too long. The warehouse’s security guard, Mike, made a point of checking in on him when he did his rounds and spotted his light on.Yeosang appreciated it.It usually worked as a reminder too, that he needed to pack up and head home.

He stood and stretched before he opened the door, expecting to see the middle-aged guard but instead Seonghwa was there, leaning against the door, one arm against the doorjamb with his forehead pressed against it.His eyes widened in surprise when he saw Yeosang and he straightened.

“Oh, you’re here.”

“Surprise?” Yeosang tried not to stare at Seonghwa.They’d not seen one another for what felt like a long time but had been just over a week, he was sure. He’d not reached out to him or any of the others, ignoring the messages on the group chat.He needed distance from them, and especially from this artist boy who saw him so very well. He didn’t know what to make of the hot curl of pure want in the pit of his stomach when Seonghwa looked at him with those big dark eyes. Yeosang was not a stranger to sex, or to doing stupid things, so he stayed well away from temptation.Seonghwa was a mistake he couldn’t afford to make.But having him here, in his space was nice.And he looked _good._ He was dressed casually in a black biker jacket, t-shirt and skinny jeans and he looked sexy as hell.Yeosang had to make as much space between them immediately before he could reach out and _touch._

Seonghwa’s smile was wide as he brushed past him, still somehow closer than he should be, given how much Yeosang had moved out of the way.

“You’ve not been around much,” he said.“I spoke to your roommate and he said you’ve been working late.”

Of course it turned out that the Jongho Wooyoung started dating was in fact the dance crew’s Jongho and somehow his friend and roommate had become part of a messy friend group.

Yeosang closed the door and watched as Seonghwa took in the rack of clothes and the shirt he was working on that was still stuck in the sewing machine.

“Yeah, I wanted to get as much done as I could. I have to head back home in a few weeks.It is my grandfather’s birthday.”

“Oh right? Sounds like fun.”

“Yeah, not so much, really.”Yeosang pulled one of the high stools over for Seonghwa to sit on. 

Seonghwa shrugged out of his jacket and dropped it on the table behind him.He leaned back, elbows on the table, legs spread as he watched Yeosang sit back down behind the sewing machine. 

“Do you mind? I just want to get this finished.I don’t like leaving things half-done.”

“No, go ahead.I came by to see if you wanted to grab dinner afterwards, anyway.”

Yeosang glanced at him in surprise.He didn’t know if he could spend more time along with Seonghwa before, well, before wanting him all over again.But instead of saying no, he felt himself nodding.“Yes, thanks.I’d like that.”

“Great.” Seonghwa grinned looking pleased. “I worried when you just dropped off the face of the world. You haven’t been answering your texts either.”

“Too much chat on the group chat,” he replied, going back to sewing.“It makes me feel claustrophobic.And they’re talking about stuff I don’t know anything about, so it just is alienating.”

Seonghwa nodded.“Yeah, I can see that.I’ll get San to take you off the chat then.”

“No, that would make things awkward.”

“I didn’t think you’d care about making things awkward for anyone,” Seonghwa said and his tone was teasing. 

Yeosang couldn’t help the flush that crept up his cheeks.“Do you think I’m that heartless?”

“No, I just think you’re sometimes a little too focussed and forget to human.”

“Forget to human?” Yeosang frowned and thought about it.“Well, I suppose you’re not wrong.But I can’t afford to be distracted.”

“Why not? Wooyoung says you never go out.You’re always working or studying.”

“I’m not really here to get the full college experience.Wooyoung can’t understand that. He’s here to party, get laid, pass a few grades, and start working in his dad’s company.I can’t afford to take the risks he’s taking.”

“Risks? He’s having fun.”

“Hmm,” Yeosang said, manoeuvring the fabric under the needle.“I am not saying that what he’s doing is wrong.It’s just that he’s not me.”

Silence falls after that and Yeosang became aware of Seonghwa moving around behind him.There’s the sound of the kettle and before long a mug is pressed into his hand.

“Green tea,” Seonghwa says before disappearing again.Yeosang drinks it and reaches behind him to put it on the table and would have missed entirely but Seonghwa was there to take the mug from him.

It’s an hour later when Yeosang finished the shirt and he straightens with a groan.He snips the threads and turns the shirt the right way round to look at it.The fabric is a soft silk in a tangle of pooled metallic colours. 

“Wow,” Seonghwa said, looking up from his phone and Yeosang startles.It wasn’t that he’d entirely forgotten about the other boy, but he’d been so quiet he thought he’d fallen asleep.“That looks great.Can I try it?”

Yeosang flushed, flattered.“Sure.”

Seonghwa pulled his t-shirt off without any warning and reached for the shirt and caught it from Yeosang’s suddenly limp fingers. 

“So, how does it button up?” Seonghwa had shrugged the shirt on over his shoulders and stared down at what obviously too much fabric.He bunched the fabric in front of his chest and pulled it away.“What are these for?” He frowned at the straps.“Yeosang?”

Yeosang tore his gaze away from prominent collarbones, a smooth strong chest and up to Seonghwa’s dark eyes.He refused to blush.This was nothing. Seonghwa was beautiful and nothing about this should be awkward.

“How do I-?”

“Oh, like this.”Yeosang breathed heavily through his nose and told himself to calm the the fuck down. “Can I-? Do you mind?Just let go of the fabric.”

He stepped into the other boy’s space, bringing the one side of the fabric across, buttoning it up, before bringing the other flap over his chest.Seonghwa let himself be manoeuvred, keeping his chin up so that Yeosang didn’t hit it with the top of his. 

Yeosang tied the shirt off to the side, letting the silk straps fall down along Seonghwa’s thigh.He stepped back and nodded. 

“Nice.” Yeosang frowned.“Keep your arms up.Can you spin?”

Seonghwa flushed under the words but he held his arms out to his side and did a slow turn.

“Stop.”Yeosang stepped closer and straightened the shirt, smoothing it down Seonghwa’s back and tugging at the wide straps so that they lay flush. “Okay, again.”

Seonghwa spun again. 

“What does it feel like?” Yeosang asked him.“Can you move?”Yeosang watched as Seonghwa rolled his shoulders and flexed his lats.

“Yeah, there’s nothing constricting movement.”He runs a hand down his chest, fingering the fabric.“I love the look of this.It’s like…the colour gasoline makes when it tries to mix with water.”

“Yes, exactly.” Yeosang was charmed by the description.He raked his eyes over Seonghwa’s shoulders.“You make the design look good.Go look at yourself in the mirror.”

Yeosang turned back to his sewing machine, putting his scissors away, and tidying up the space before turning the machine off. Seonghwa was still standing in front of the mirror so Yeosang walked towards him, catching his gaze in the reflection.

“What do you think?”

“I think that you are very talented.”

“Hmm,” Yeosang said.“Competition is stiff, so here’s hoping the designers attending the show will think so too.”

“Are you done?” Seonghwa asked him.“Are you ready for food?”

“Yes. I’m starving, but you’re not going in that.I can’t risk it getting dirty.”

“I wasn’t going to, give me some credit.”Seonghwa fiddled with the tie at his waist and gave an exasperated groan.“What the hell, Yeosang.What kind of knot is this anyway?”

“Don’t! Don’t you dare tear the fabric I will end you.” Yeosang batted his hands away and undid the knot, unwinding the fabric easily.“You can manage the buttons yourself, right?”

Seonghwa nodded and passed the shirt back over to him before reaching for his t-shirt and pulling it on.Yeosang is sad, only for a moment to see all that lush pale skin disappear under the stretch of cotton.He hung the shirt up on the railing and gave a satisfied little nod.He was making progress.

He took a quick look around his workshop, made sure everything was turned off, before grabbing his board and backpack and ushering Seonghwa out.He locked up and they left the warehouse.He let Seonghwa steer them to an open eatery midway between the workshop and the dorm. 

“I appreciate this, thanks,” he said as they settled down after placing their order at the counter.“I get so wrapped up in my head sometimes I forget to eat.”

“Yeah, same.That’s why I set alarms on my phone or when I know I’m going to be busy, I ask San to call me so I remember to move around and get food.”

“Ah, that’s clever.”Yeosang took a long drag of his soda.“How is your stuff coming along for your exhibition?”

“Eh, they’re coming along.I have some stuff in storage too that I can grab to show.”Seonghwa dug out his phone from his pocket.“Take a photo of this so you can remember to come along.”

Yeosang dutifully took a picture of the invitation on the screen.It was two weeks away.“Do I need to RSVP or…?”

“Nah, it’s fine. I’ll put your name on the door.”

“Fancy.”

Seonghwa gives him a slow smirk and Yeosang’s heart gives a little tumble.“You know it, babe.”

Yeosang rolls his eyes and shakes his head.“You’re so lame,” he says, but he quirks his lips a little, to show that he did find it amusing.“How’s the showcase coming along?”

“Well, I think? I came from the dance studio to yours earlier. Hongjoong is working with Wooyoung and they’re putting music together for the show. They’re also talking about the music for the fashion show.They’ve watched so many dressmaking videos, fashion show videos and MV’s that I have lost count.But Wooyoung seems good at what he does.”

“He is.People tell me he is but I’ve not really had the chance to listen to much of what he produces.” He takes a sip of his drink. “But I made the t-shirts for the dance crew though. I can swing by and drop them off whenever?”

“Yeah, that’ll be great, thanks.We meet most nights after class.Come by any time.”

“Great.” 

Their food arrives and Yeosang realises he is famished.He goes about systematically demolishing what’s on his plate, making little contented noises as he starts filling up.He glances up to find Seonghwa looking at him, his expression a little odd.

“Wha?”

“You are humming whilst you’re eating,” Seonghwa pointed out.

“I was? Sorry, I didn’t realise.I just am hungry suddenly.”

“No, it’s fine, it’s just you are being unexpectedly cute.”

“Cute?”Yeosang arches a brow.“Did you just call me cute?”

“Well, are you going to fight me for calling you cute?”

Yeosang purses his lips a little but then shakes his head.“No, I’ll allow it, I think.It’s a valid statement.I _am_ cute.”

Seonghwa’s laugh is genuinely amused and he looks so fond that Yeosang couldn’t help the light flush spreading across his cheeks.

“Since when have you wanted to be an artist?” He asks instead, deflecting attention from himself once Seonghwa had stopped chuckling.

“I’ve always known. I’ve always been obsessed with drawing and painting. I stole my father’s work notebooks growing up and drew in them.My grandmother bought me my first paints.I’m lucky that they encouraged me.How about you?Have you always wanted to be a designer?”

Yeosang thought about it for a few moments.“I’ve always wanted to prove myself.Being a designer is one way to do that.And it’s a way my family would understand who I am and what I’m capable of.”

Seonghwa didn’t miss the tightening of Yeosang’s face when he spoke about his family but it was gone before he could think to ask more. Instead Yeosang looked up at him thoughtfully.

“So you want to become a world famous artist?”

“I’m a dreamer, but I’m also realistic.” He grinned at Yeosang’s mock shocked expression. “I know we were talking shit the other day but honestly, what I want to do is teach art.If I could one day afford to be more than that, I’d be happy.”

“I think you would be a great teacher,” Yeosang said.“You have infinite patience with San and Mingi.And Hongjoong listens to you.”

The observation made Seonghwa grin wide.“I sometimes feel like a parent.”

“And at such a young age, I’m impressed.How do you do it?”

“Alcohol and drugs,” Seonghwa deadpanned. Yeosang laughed then, loudly and Seonghwa forgot to eat, the food halfway to his mouth, as he stared at Yeosang in shock.

“What, is something wrong? Do I have food on my face or-?” Yeosang’s hand flutters to his mouth, to his cheeks, wiping imaginary crumbs away.“You’re still staring.”

“It’s the first time I’ve seen you laugh, hyung.You should do it more often.It suits you. You look beautiful.”

Yeosang stared at him for a few long silent seconds before ducking his head and looking away.OnlySeonghwa didn’t look away.He took his time to watch that light flush of embarrassment climb up Yeosang’s neck, staining his cheeks. He watched Yeosang try not to let it show, but the smallest of delighted smiles had settled around his full lips and only then did Seonghwa look away, back down at his food.

***

He walked Yeosang back to his dorm and it felt so old fashioned and sweet, especially because Yeosang seemed quietly pleased with himself.Seonghwa didn’t know why it made him feel so good. He’s not a fuckboi but he’s not exactly chaste either and he liked sex and kissing but spending time with Yeosang who was always a little too serious, a little too aloof, made him feel good and a little high.

He has also started planning out the sketch he had in mind of Yeosang and was keen to show him his thoughts.But, he needed permission.And he needed Yeosang to sit for him again.

“So, I’m not sure how busy you are over the next few days but could you spare me maybe an afternoon?”

“To sit for you again?”

“Yes. Would that be okay?”

“Of course.I’ll check my schedule but I think I could do Friday? I’ll text you.”

“Great.” Seonghwa nodded, stuffing his hands in his pockets because the need to reach out and touch Yeosang was becoming a real temptation.“So, I guess I’ll speak to you later?”

“Sure.”

Seonghwa turned around and started walking away.

“Hey, Seonghwa?”

He spun back around to find Yeosang staring at him.His eyes were very dark and his lips very inviting. 

“Yeah?”

“Just, thanks for checking in on me.And for dinner.I appreciate it.”

“Yeah, no worries. You’re welcome.” He breathed the cool night air and decided fuckit. “I like spending time with you so it’s not a hassle.”

Yeosang moved, like he wanted to take a step towards him but then thought better of it and stopped. His shoulders sagged a little but the look he gave Seonghwa was searing.

“I’ll message you later.Safe home, Seonghwa.”

Seonghwa waited until he disappeared into the building before he turned and walked away, a fat stupid grin on his face. 

***

**Boy with the Face**

Just got in. Thnx 4 having dinner w/me

**Yeosang**

It was nice. Thanks.

……

I checked my schedule.

**Boy with the Face**

Its ok if u can’t make it

I knwo your busy.

**Yeosang**

I said I’d do it. No take backsies.

I’ll see you at two?

This Friday?

**Boy with the Face**

Yes!

Yes, perfect. It’s a date

No, shit. Not a date

An appointment.

**Yeosang**

**;-)**

It’s an appointment then.

Do you need me to wear anything specific?

….

….

….

Seonghwa?

U still there?

Hello?

**Boy with the Face**

Sorry, just died for a minute.

Choked on air

But am ok

….

….

So, I was wondering if you had a black shirt.

**Yeosang**

My entire wardrobe is black

Like my heart

You gotta be more specific, Seonghwa

**Boy with the Face**

Fine. Do you have a black silk button down shirt?

And maybe a collar?

Is that specific enough?

…..

…..

…..

Shit, was it too specific?

Yeosangie?

Are you freaked out?

**Yeosang**

(img attached)

Like these?

Sorry, I tooklong to answer back.

Had to take the stuff out of the boxes in my room.

ofc next time I’ll wear them. The shirt needs washing first.

**Boy with the Face**

Holy shit.

Yes, that wld do

**Yeosang**

The collar is not something I usually wear

Tbh

It was part of an outfit Wooyoung made me wear

It was Halloween

Mistakes were made

**Boy with the Face**

I…I don’t knwo how to respond to that

If I ask ??s will you answer me?

No, tbh, don’t…don’t tell me anything

….

….

I jst made this weird

soz

**Yeosang**

No, you didn’t.

This was the outfit

….

….

Seonghwa? Did I kill you?

You ok?

….

Shit, I think I killed you.

**Boy with the Face**

I was not expecting that, Sangie

Fuck me

How are you so…?

Ugh

Sorry

….

Dropped my phone.

**Yeosang**

Yeah, it’s pretty dumb

I kno

Wooyoung laughed his ass off tho

**Boy with the Face**

Why?!

The next time I see Wooyoung I will beat his ass

**Yeosang**

Hahaha

Thnx, bro, but why?

Youngie was right tho.

I look like a fuckboi

**Boy with the Face**

Well

**Yeosang**

Hey, be nice

It was a long time ago, ok?

In my defence

I wasdrunk

And stupid

**Boy with the Face**

Well, what I was going to say is

I think you looked gorgeous

Like living art

And your roommate is an ass.

**Yeosang**

You’re too much

Tnx

That’s v sweet

And he is.

But he bakes well under stress.

So I stick it out with him.

**Boy with the Face**

Gotit

Baked goods over boys defending your honour

**Yeosang**

Hahaha

Are you defending my honour?

**Boy with the Face**

I dunno

But I know if the chance comes, I will fight in the streets for you.

**Yeosang**

I like how you think you have to fight for me

Like I can’t defend myself

**Boy with the Face**

Can you?!?!?

**Yeosang**

You don’t know my family

….

Okay

I think that’s it for tonight

I need sleep

Thanks for dinner, again.

I enjoy talking to you.

**Boy with the Face**

Yeah, me too.

Sweet dreams, Sangie.

**Yeosang**

You too.

xoxo

…

Wait

I didn’t mean to send that.

**Boy with the Face**

Nope.

No take backsies.

**Yeosang**

Ass

g’nite

***

**Seonghwa**

Holy shit, San

**San the Demon**

What?

What?

**Seonghwa**

I like a boy

Like, I REALLY like him

**San the Demon**

Is this boy called Yeasong?

Doesn’t he have the prettiest mouth?

The cutest frowns?

The biggest hazel eyes?

The most fuckable body?

Have you seen that boy’s ass in those skinny jeans?

I’d tap that.

But Mingi would kill me.

**Seonghwa**

Jesus, San WTf

Stop being lewd

**San the Demon**

Seongie.

You’ve met me.

And I know you.

It’s been weeks since you’ve met him

And you still haven’t dicked this kid down

Wtf

**Seonghwa**

I resent everything you just said.

It’s not just about dicking him down

How dare

**San the Demon**

Oh.

Oh no.

You have feelings?

Like, actual feels for this guy?

**Seonghwa**

…

I guess so.

Being around him makes me happy.

I can’t stop thinking about him.

Or drawing him.

**San the Demon**

Do you think he feels the same way?

Wooyoung has told Jongho who told me that he’s not dated since he came to college

That he turns everyone down

Maybe he doesn’t even like dick?

Maybe he doesn’t like anything.

I have a cousin who’s ace so, you know.

Just putting it out there.

**Seonghwa**

I dunno

I can feel there’s something, San.

I dunno what.

I think he likes me too.

**San the Demon**

And who wouldn’t like you?

You’re hot as fuck

Objectively speaking

Of course

**Seonghwa**

Of course

I’m rolling my eyes

We’re not talking about what happened

We were young

And

So drunk

**San the Demon**

Yeah

Was fun tho, right?

**Seonghwa**

Yeah, but you have Mingi

And I really like Yeosang

**San the Demon**

And I like Mingi

I like that he can manage me

I like that he can handle what I give out

Seongie

I think it’s love

**Seonghwa**

Jesus

Who are you?

Do I have to change your name in my phone?

**San the Demon**

No, I am still the one to lead everyone into temptation

Don’t you dare

….

….

Hey, Seongie?

Love you bro.Tell Yeosang how you feel.

Don’t wait too long. 

Now get your cute ass to sleep.

It’s fucking two in the morning.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “San?” Mingi says, shrugging his shoulder so that San could wake up. “Hey, loser, Yeosang wants to talk to you.” 
> 
> “I broke him,” San says, lifting his head. “I’m so sorry.”
> 
> Yeosang laughs then. It is soft and delighted. “I’m tougher than that, but I’m sorry I scared you. I’m really sorry, San.”
> 
> ***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE TAKE NOTE THAT THE TAGS HAVE CHANGED. 
> 
> This is a heavy chapter - or rather, heavy-ish, so be aware, okay? We deal with Yeosang having a panic attack and later, we've got the boys talking about coming out to family. So it is an emotionally heavy chapter, but I like to think they come out of it not too badly, with friendships forming for real. 
> 
> It's also another nice and chunky one, with over 5k words added - if only I could write this fast on my paid for work! 
> 
> Thanks for the kudos! Please do feel free to leave comments / suggestions. 
> 
> ***

Seonghwa isn’t really a coward. He’s more like risk adjacent and he likes things to make sense. He acts the fuckboi, because it’s easier sometimes, than being the quiet one, the one that would rather drink coffee in a coffee shop listening to laid back music and sketch and dream. Not telling someone of your crush is easier than wanting to communicate the depth of his crush to a boy who looks scared whenever someone brushes past him too closely.It’s easier than wanting to touch and feel and press lips against exposed skin to make that boy yield and moan and be his.

Seonghwa isn’t a coward but he knows that he would die on this hill rather than tell Yeosang how much he likes him.He doesn’t want to fuck things up.Yeosang would have to be utterly oblivious because Seonghwa thought he’s made it quite clear how much he likes him. He’s told him that much.He’s shown the fucker by sharing his sketches with him, by dragging him to pose for him in his studio. Alone and in private.And he knows Yeosang likes him, maybe, just a bit but he’s not sure if it’s like like or _like_ like.So he’s scared to push for more, to chance it, because he’d rather be able to be around him than be without him entirely.And he somehow knows that if he screws it up, Yeosang would walk away.He’d spoken about his five year plan before, in passing, and somehow Seonghwa knew that it didn’t include relationships.

Seonghwa takes out his frustrations in the dance studio.It’s eight pm and they’ve been dancing since four, getting the choreo right.He is a stinking heaving mess and his shirt is clinging to his chest and his hair is pulled back beneath a snapback because it’s gotten too long and he looks a mess but he feels alive, buzzing, and he loves it.

Then the door opens and Yeosang walks in carrying a large tote.He’s dressed all in black, as usual. Light leather jacket, black t-shirt and sinfully tight black jeans and black Converse.The only flash of colour on him at all is the light pink of his lips.

He stops when everyone turns to look at him and for a moment he looks like the proverbial deer in headlights and then San lets out a demonic whoop and rushes at him.There’s something about Yeosang’s gaze as he looks at San, that has Seonghwa is moving before he knows it and he watches, in horror, as Yeosang literally crumples in on himself as San hurdles at him.

But thank god for Mingi, because he’s there, pulling San away, running interference and Seonghwa is kneeling next to Yeosang, close but not touching.Yeosang had made himself as small as possible in the face of San’s over exuberance and he has his arms wrapped around his knees and his head tucked low.And he is shaking. 

Someone stopped the pounding Steve Aoki remix playing over the studio’s speakers and the silence that falls in the room is thick with shock and concern.

“Yeosang,” Seonghwa says, his voice low. “Buddy, it’s okay.”

Not a single sound comes out of Yeosang’s mouth. “Look, San was stupid running at you like that. He’s an idiot. I’ve told you before.But he likes you.You know that. He would never hurt you but he just didn’t think. He forget he’s…him, sometimes too much to take.Hey, can you breathe for me?”

His voice is soft and low and behind him he can hear the rest of the dance team muttering and keeping their distance.He looks over his shoulders and meets San’s gaze.The other boy looks, well he looks like Seonghwa feels.He looks utterly devastated.And he’s crying.Mingi meets Seonghwa’s eyes and he looks completely lost and Seonghwa can relate. Mingi settles San against his shoulder and turns him away from Yeosang and he walks them back, towards the furthest side of the studio.

Seonghwa hears San’s voice. “Shit, I’m so sorry. I just wanted to hug him. No idea he’d just crumple like that. Fuck.”

And then Mingi’s deeper voice, reassuring.“It’s okay, Sannie.Seonghwa will look after him.”

He’s not even remotely an expert and he’s only ever heard of panic attacks and he’s pretty sure that’s what is happening to Yeosang right now.Seonghwa is dying to touch him but he knows that if he did he might make this so much worse, so he stays at Yeosang’s side as his teammates filter out as quietly as they could behind them. He hasn’t been so grateful to his friends ever.

So he crosses his legs and talks at Yeosang, about his day, about his meeting with his arts professor and how he’s thinking about the extra classes he wants to take over summer, the education ones, to see if it gels with him. He just talks and he rambles and it’s stream of consciousness stuff, really.Eventually, when he’s tired of that and he has no idea how long they've been sitting there, he adjusts his legs a little, still careful of keeping a little space between them and he just starts singing softly, humming at first, then singing.He doesn’t even know what he’s singing, it’s just words and he watches as Yeosang slowly unclenches his hands from around his knees and the shaking lessens.He had his forehead pressed against his knees before, his shoulders up around his ears, but slowly, he turns his head to stare at Seonghwa and if Seonghwa wasn’t gone on him already, he’d be falling fast for this boy.His eyes are huge, blown wide open but they are unutterable vulnerable and unguarded.It is so unlike Yeosang’s usual sharp direct gaze that Seonghwa’s voice falters because he’s never seen his eyes like this.A part of Seonghwa thinks he’d trade all his art supplies to have Yeosang look at him like that forever.

“Hey,” he says.“How are you feeling?”

“Not great,”Yeosang’s voice was faint. “Sorry.”

Seonghwa breathes out, desperate to touch.Instead he folds his hands together in his lap where he’s sitting at his side, Buddha style.

“No, don’t apologise. It’s not your fault,” he says.

“I scared San,” Yeosang says and his voice is laced with worry.“Is he okay?”

Seonghwa aches.Yeosang is the one who had been scared senseless and his first thought was that he scared San.What the hell?

“San will get over it.He shouldn’t have come at you like that. He’s terrifying enough on a good day but a sweaty overexcited San is a bit much for anyone to stomach.”

Yeosang’s lips quirk, and the tiniest dimple appears just on the side of his mouth.It’s so small and it’s almost gone before Seonghwa can properly register it.

“He’s not really.It’s just sometimes-,” Yeosang lets the sentence hang.“Sometimes I scare easily.I just didn’t expect _him_. God, I’m such an idiot.”

“Hey, no.” Seonghwa leans forward so he can catch his eye.“You’re not an idiot.Don’t talk like that, okay? It’s fine.You’re fine.You’re safe.I’ve got you.”

“You got me?”

There’s something in Yeosang’s voice that sounds like hope and an ache blooms in Seonghwa’s chest because, Jesus fuck, what had happened to this kid to break him this badly?

“Until you’re sick of me,” Seonghwa promises.

This time the smile is real. It’s not just a quirk of his pretty lips, but it’s a full on smile. It reaches his eyes and a light flush sits across his cheeks and Seonghwa feels like he’s won the Nobel Prize for Peace or something.Because that smile is so real and so, ugh, everything, it makes him feel like he’s walking on clouds.He’s dizzy with it.

“You are a little ridiculous,” Yeosang tells him and Seonghwa shrugs.

“No take backsies,” he says and it’s supposed to be teasing but it comes out really serious and solemn.

Yeosang nods and they sit in silence for a few more seconds.

“My ass hurts,” Yeosang eventually says and he sounds almost like himself.“I need to stand.”

“Sure, whatever you need.Do you want help or?”

Yeosang pushes up off the floor to his feet and it is so graceful, Seonghwa’s mouth dries a little. He catches sight of Mingi and San where they’re sitting on the other side of the room.San seems to be dozing on Mingi’s shoulder whilst Mingi is playing some kind of game on his phone.Seonghwa watches as Yeosang walks over to them, crouching at Mingi’s feet where he’s got his legs stretched out. He talks to Mingi for a few seconds and Seonghwa wishes he knew what was being said because his face splits in a grin and he nods.

“San?” Mingi says, shrugging his shoulder so that San could wake up.“Hey, loser, Yeosang wants to talk to you.”

“I broke him,” San says, lifting his head. “I’m so sorry.”

Yeosang laughs then.It is soft and delighted. “I’m tougher than that, but I’m sorry I scared you.I’m really sorry, San.”

“The fuck, hyung?” San says, sitting forward. “I scared the shit out of you and you apologise to me? I’m fine, are you okay?”

“I’m a little shaky, but better.Seonghwa talked me down.”

Both San and Mingi looked at him in unison and their combined gazes made Seonghwa flush.Mingi nodded and looked back at Yeosang.

“He’s a good guy,” he says and Yeosang nods.

“It would seem that way.Sorry, again.I was going to ask you guys to dinner after your practice but I’m not sure now?”

“I could eat, but only if you’re okay with it?” San said and his eyes were narrowed as he stared at Yeosang.“We can take a rain check?”

“You know?” Yeosang stood.“I don’t think I want to be alone tonight, not after this.I feel like I need company.Will you be okay with that?”

“Yes, sure, whatever you want, hyung.” Mingi was smiling. 

“Great.” Yeosang stood up so that he could move away from them.“I’ll wait for you to get showered and whatever.” 

Seonghwa watches the quiet interaction with a growing fondness in his chest.This was so sweet, like watching toddlers make friends.He glances down and spotted the large tote back Yeosang had dropped on the floor.

“What’s this?” He asks and points to the bag. 

“Your shirts for the showcase,” Yeosang said.“I thought I’d bring them around tonight.”

San and Mingi walk closer and Seonghwa notices that they made sure they stay in Yeosang’s line of sight and it is sweet and a bit ridiculous and he loves his friends for it.

Yeosang crouches next to the bag and starts pulling the folded tshirts out.They’ve each been carefully packaged and labelled. 

“Yours,” he says, tossing a packet at Mingi.One follows, flying at San’s face.“And yours.” He stands to hand Seonghwa his.

Seonghwa takes it with a happy grin and pulls it out of the bag.It’s a v-neck t-shirt that’s been cut roomier across the back and wider sleeves than normal. 

“You’ve got our names across the back!” San laughs.“This is so goddamn cool.”

He spins the t-shirt around so that everyone could see his name CHOI SAN printed in a thick white font. 

The front of the shirts had DANCE CREW CLASS OF 2020 across of the front with the college emblem emblazoned on the pocket.

“This is really cool,” Seonghwa says and grins at Yeosang.“Thank you.”

Yeosang nodded.“No problem.I had fun designing them.I used a more sheer fabric for breathability.I also cut them so that they would move with you when you dance.”

“The guys are going to love this,” Mingi said as stuffed his back in the packet.“Honestly, Yeosang-hyung.Thank you.”

Yeosang waved at them and to Seonghwa’s shock, both Mingi and San bowed to Yeosang.It clearly surprised him too because he stilled for a moment, his eyes huge, before he too bowed at them.

“Please, go shower. I’m hungry and I’m still shaking a little.”

“You’re shaking?” Seonghwa turns to his backpack and pulls out an energy bar and his bottle of water.“Here, have this while we get ready.”

“No, I’m …”

“Just, bloody take it, okay? You had a shock.This will help you.”

Yeosang’s eyes go very big at Seonghwa’s firm tone and he drops his gaze, grabbing the offered goods from him.

“I’ll just wait here for you guys,” he says gestures. “If I’m allowed?”

Seonghwa nods.“Sure, we won’t be long.”

He trails behind Mingi and San as they left the studio, heading for the showers.He could hear the other two animatedly chatter about their shirts and he has to admit, he looks forward to wearing his. 

“Any idea what happened back there?” Min-suk’s voice surprises him as he steps into the changing room.“Is he your boyfriend? Is he okay?”

Seonghwa takes a moment to get his brain in gear when Mingi slaps Min-suk on the shoulder, fingers tightening just enough to make the guy wince a little.

“Bro, it’s none of your business, okay? Yeosang is cool, he just had a fright.Besides,he brought our dance shirts.Check them out.”

Mingi divvies out the rest of the dance crew t-shirts and everyone is noisy and excited.It makes Seonghwa smile and feel oddly proud.

***

They find a fried chicken place near campus that’s open and not too busy.Yeosang seems okay but he’s quieter than usual and Seonghwa makes sure to leave an invisible bubble around him that he doesn’t cross into.If Yeosang notices, he gives no indication and instead he asks them about their practice, about the dance and how the showcase works.He asks the questions and he listens intently.

After a little while, he looks at Seonghwa, San and Mingi individually before speaking.

“What do you think, the chances are of you guys doing part of my show as a mini dance showcase?”

“That could definitely work,” Seonghwa says after a few seconds.“I mean, I’m a good dancer and I’m happy with whatever is decided, so really, you’ll just need to get San and Mingi on board.And Hongjoong.”

“He wasn’t at practice tonight,” Yeosang points out.

“No, he’s with his ex, Yunho. They,” San grimaces.“Have a complicated relationship.”

“How so?”

“They can’t be in the same room without banging,” Mingi says.“Or fighting.Sometimes it’s difficult to tell which is which, to be honest.”

“Guys,” Seonghwa says with a grimace.“Be nice.”

“What, it’s the truth.You should know.”

When Yeosang turns those eyes on him Seonghwa blushes and ducks his head. “I might have walked in on them once or twice.I share an apartment with Hongjoong and they are not…discreet.”

“Or quiet,” San says.“It’s embarrassing.”

“Like you have room to talk,” Mingi says and grins, fending off San’s pinches. “Hey, stop, be nice or I won’t let you co-.”

“Okay, wow, look at the time.Yeosang, how about we head home? I’ll walk you? Okay, great.Let’s go.”Seonghwa sends Mingi a WTF ARE YOU DOING look as he talks over the rest of his sentence, and Mingi just laughs at him, all teeth and giggles. San at least has the grace to blush and look awkward but Yeosang was outright staring at them with interest. 

“So you guys _are_ like, together?”

“Yeah,” Mingi says, arm around San’s neck.He presses a kiss to his temple and ruffles his messy hair.“Going on two years now?”

San just nods and smiles sweetly.Seonghwa shakes his head.

“Officially two years but they’ve been pining after one another since high school.It was the worst.”

“That is impressive.What about your parents?”

“Mine are okay,” San says.“My dad runs a taekwondo school back in my hometown and he specialises in teaching martial arts to LGBTQ kids.When I came out to him and my mum they just hugged me and told me that as long as I’m not hurting anyone they don’t care who I love. Of course, then I told them I like Mingi.And they wanted to disown me.”

“What?” Mingi squawks.“That is a lie, Choi San, you fucking traitor.They love me.His parents like me more than they like him, let me tell you that for nothing.”

San was laughing.“He’s not lying. When I told my parents I was dating Mingi my mum called him up, read him the riot act and made him call her mom.”

“That is very…” Yeosang reached for the word.“Enlightened of your parents.How about yours?”

Mingi shook his head.“My mum and dad aren’t great about me being gay.I came out to them like, when I was fourteen or something.They thought it was a phase and didn’t stop setting me up with dates with some really nice girls.Then I brought my first boyfriend home and my dad walked out of the house and refused to come back until the guy had left.It was awful.”

“Shit,” Yeosang said.“That’s just…horrible.I’m sorry.”

Mingi shrugged.“Eh, it is what it is. I mean, they don’t approve of my lifestyle, but I am still in the family and in the will, or so my mom says.I don’t go home very often.It’s just too stressful.”

“How about you?” San asks and Yeosang stills completely, hands flat on the table on either side of his empty plate. 

Seonghwa’s heart is in his throat and he feels very hot suddenly.San honestly sometimes had no filter. He slants a look at Yeosang who had gone very still at the question. 

“I, actually, haven’t told anyone in my family that I am gay,” Yeosang says.“It’s just not something I want to share with them, until I’m ready, that is.”

“I get it,” Mingi says.“It’s just, you never know how they’ll react.And sometimes, the thought of it, just makes me want to be sick. I think about the kids who come out to their parents and friends who are then completely ostracised because they aren’t conforming to societal norms and it just, it breaks me, you know?Like, they have no one and they look at the world and they see a word where loving someone of the same sex is demonised when, really, it’s just…” he waves a hand and wipes at his eyes.“Just, it fucking makes me so angry, you know?”

“Oh babe,” San says and wraps his arms around Mingi’s shoulders.“You’re going to be able to help, so just, focus on that, okay?”

Mingi turns and mutters something to San and they speak quietly.Yeosang turns to Seonghwa with a frown.

“Mingi is doing a double major,” Seonghwa explains.“Dance and child psychology.He wants to help kids.”

“That is impressive,” Yeosang says and Mingi waves a hand. 

“It’s fucking hard, I won’t lie.But I enjoy it.”

“Well, I’m impressed.” Yeosang looks at Seonghwa.“So, what is your story?”

Seonghwa almost chokes on his drink and has to turn aside to cough into his elbow.“My story?” He croaks.“I uh? I guess I’m gay? I mean, I’m gay. I’ve dated girls before because everyone did and I just…didn’t get what the fuss was about? It wasn’t until I saw Wookie in Healer without his shirt on that I kinda knew.”

Both San and Mingi hummed in unison.“We were there for Seonghwa’s awakening. It was a sight to behold.But then Chang-wook Ji is unbearably hot,” San said.“I’ve known straight guys go weak at the knees at the sight of his abs.”

This made Seonghwa laugh a little and blush a lot.

“And your parents?”

Seonghwa wondered if Yeosang realised that he was asking a lot of incredibly personal questions of them over a dinner of fried chicken and spicy fries.But somehow, he didn’t mind.He senses a genuine curiosity behind the questions and both San and Mingi had been brutally honest about it with him so Seonghwa decided to be equally honest.

“I told my mom.She’s an artist and well, I’m about to generalise here, she has a lot of gay friends in her circle.When I told her, she thought I was joking. Then, she had her gay bff talk to me and only after that, when I assured her that I liked guys she was kind of, okay, well.As long as you’re sure.As it stands we have a good relationship? But she prefers not to really know about my love life. I’ve not ever taken anyone home.My dad’s not in the picture anymore.He left when my mum became more successful than him as an artist.I haven’t spoken to him in maybe fifteen years.”

Yeosang took a deep breath when he finishes speaking.Seonghwa watches him, seeing him taking in the words, mulling them over. 

“That’s, just, so…thanks, for telling me, for sharing this with me.” He nods to Seonghwa and to the other two boys.“It’s just hard, you know? Like, what does my sexuality have to do with anyone else? I just don’t get what the fuss is about.”

“Exactly,” Mingi says, sitting forward.“Exactly this. It is no one else’s business except your own. Love as you will and harm none.”

Yeosang is staring at the empty plate in front of him, seemingly lost in thought, but then his gaze snaps back.

“Ah, sorry, hyungs.Just too much going up here,” he says, tapping his head.“Thanks for answering all the questions. Tonight has been a bit of a tangent, right?”

“It has but, then, you’ve not really hung out with us properly.It gets messy, these conversations. It rambles and ambles.”

“Especially when Wooyoung bakes his special brownies.”

Yeosang raises an eyebrow.“Special brownies?”

“He adds weed. It is a work of art,” Mingi explains.“You get high, so high, but it’s a gentle sweet high and it doesn’t smell.”

“Well,” Yeosang says.“Next time, invite me along.”

“Now we’re talking,” Mingi says with a grin. “Will remember that.”

Yeosang looks immensely pleased at that.He stretches and glances at his watch.“It’s late.I think I’m going to head off.” He looks at Seonghwa.“Walk me?”

Seonghwa gets up so fast he almost falls over.

“Sure.” He high fives Mingi and fist bumps with San.“See you losers tomorrow.”

As they’re busy leaving, Yeosang turns back to the table.“Thank you, for…you know.For everything.Tonight has been a good night.I appreciate it.”

But then he’s turning away and striding out of the restaurant.Seonghwa gives his friends a helpless look over his shoulder as he follows him out.

***

“I know.” Yeosang is rolling beside Seonghwa. They’re quiet as they walk towards Yeosang’s apartment.Well, Seonghwa walks and Yeosang rolls on his longboard.Seonghwa has to put his hands in his pockets to stop himself from reaching out to steady Yeosang next to him. He’s never been aware of quite how much he wants to touch.

“What do you know?”

“That tonight was a mess. That I freaked out your friends.That I asked far too many personal questions.”

“Well, firstly, San is terrifying when he runs at people whilst howling, so I totally get it.” Seonghwa can’t help the grin he shoots Yeosang at his little irritated huff. “And the questions were…a little invasive, maybe, but we’re friends, right? So no secrets.”

“Friends, huh?” Yeosang murmured the words, skilfully navigating around a gap in the paving.“Yeah, I suppose so.”

“The guys really like you. You feed them, you dress them pretty.”

Yeosang laughs.“You make me sound like a dirty old man with a harem of boys.”

“Well, if the silk slippers fit,” Seonghwa teases back and he’s delighted to see a light flush climb up Yeosang’s smooth cheeks.

“That is terrible.”

“I know.I don’t think Mingi would like to be a kept man.San, on the other hand, would be impossible.He’s very demanding and he has expensive taste.”

“You love them.”

Seonghwa thought about it.They’ve been friends for what felt like forever.They grew up together, fought, made up, fought other boys, even some girls, and ultimately discovered their own identities. 

“I do. I can’t imagine my life without them.”

“That’s deep.”

“Shut up, you asked.”

There’s that sweet quiet quirk of the lips that Seonghwa finds so irresistible.He smiles to himself but doesn’t say anything even though he could feel Yeosang’s eyes on him.

“Are you dating anyone right now?”

The question takes him by surprise.When he looks at Yeosang he’s presented with a perfect profile.

“No. I haven’t been with anyone for a while.” A while translates to almost a year.There’s been hookups, fast and dirty, a mutual release of student stress with a guy from one of his classes, but other than that, no one.“You?”

Yeosang seems surprised by the question and he gives an abrupt shake of his head.“No, not something I have the luxury to indulge in.”

“Not even hookups?”

Yeosang looks haunted at the question but he shakes his head again. “No, I don’t do…that.”

“Have you ever been with someone?”

The night was still around them with very little traffic.It was warm and the wind felt balmy. There was an odd element to the night air.Seonghwa felt drunk on it. He felt drunk on being with Yeosang, with Yeosang being talkative, and sweet and shy.It made him feel special, privileged. Something was changing and he wondered if Yeosang could feel it too.

“Not…no.” Yeosang shook his head, his colour high.“Not since forever ago. It was bad.A mistake and it was awful.So I don’t think it should count.”

Seonghwa hummed in agreement.“Yeah, I get it. I’m sorry.”

“You’re sorry? Why are you sorry?”The quirk was back and that dimple was deep and Seonghwa had to look away, down at his ratty Converse and his jeans torn at the knees. 

“Just, you know.You deserve better.You deserve someone who’d be good to you. Who’d make you feel that no one else mattered.” He was blushing now but he didn’t care. He kept his gaze forward and clenched his jaw.“So yeah, that’s what I think about that.”

Yeosang doesn’t say anything for a while and they’re almost at his apartment block.Seonghwa could see it looming towards them.

“You are really nice. I didn’t expect that from you when we met the the first time.”

Seonghwa grimaced. “Yeah, that was not the best intro.”

“I really thought you guys had some weird sex thing going though. I genuinely almost walked away.I regretted all my life choices.”

“Well,” Seonghwa says and arches an eyebrow at Yeosang and this time he laughed out loud and Seonghwa’s stomach flipped.

“Please no,” he gasped.“Please tell me you didn’t do it with Hongjoong.”

“It was once, a long time ago. It was terrible, disastrous.We were both so drunk and we fumbledit so badly, it would make every gay man sob at how bad it was.I have so many regrets and we swore never ever to touch one another again in that way.”

Yeosang’s laugh was bright and high and a little breathy.He had to stop rolling and kicked the board up, tucking it under his arm.

“Fuck, that was funny.Poor Seonghwa.”

“You know it. I sometimes have nightmares about it and have to get up in the middle of the night and emo eat M&M’s to calm myself down.”

“And Hongjoong?”

“He prefers Choco Puffs.”

Yeosang laughed harder, he was bent over now, holding his stomach.Seonghwa was laughing at him, but mostly trying to memorise the way his cheeks curved when he laughed, the way he looked utterly delighted and so alive.It was a good look on him.He wished Yeosang would laugh more often.

“Thank you, my god, Seonghwa, I needed that.I can’t breathe.” He flapped a hand as he straightened, pressing it against his abdomen.

Seonghwa sketched a little bow and tilted his chin with a smirk.“I live to make you laugh,” he says and ends with a wink and a little bow.

They get to Yeosang’s building with only a few suppressed snorts and a companionable silence. 

“Good night, Seonghwa.Thank you, for everything tonight.”

“You’re welcome.I’m glad I was there to uh, help.”

“I really appreciate it.Most people wouldn’t know what to do.”

“I had no idea what to do, but I couldn’t just leave you.”

“Well, you did well and you got me back.I am really grateful to you.”

Seonghwa flushed and waved a hand. “It’s fine, don’t worry. I told you. I got you.”

“Yeah, you did.You got me.”Yeosang was smiling at him and he looked like everything.Seonghwa wants to kiss him so badly it’s almost a physical ache. Instead he takes a step back, putting more space between them. He was not going to fuck this up.

“Text me when you get home,” Yeosang said.“So I know you’ve been abducted by space aliens.”

“I will.”

He waited until Yeosang input the security code to his apartment block before he turned and walked back to his own apartment.

***

**Boy with the Face**

I’m home!

Thanks for dinner, again. 

I can get used to you buying me food.

**Yeosang**

Cheeky.But.

It’s fine. The least I could do.

Are we still on for Friday?

**Boy with the Face**

Definitely and yes pls

I’ll get lunch and snacks

**Yeosang**

I’ll remember the shirt

And

The collar ofc

**Boy with the Face**

Not sure I’m gonna cope tbh

I may change my mind re ur outfit

**Yeosang**

Why?!

**Boy with the Face**

I worry you think I’m being pervy

**Yeosang**

….

Are you?

**Boy with the Face**

Not really?

I just think what I want to paint…

Fuck, hw do I say this?

**Yeosang**

You’re a big boy, Seonghwa

Use your words like an adult

**Boy with the Face**

Okay

Bear with me, ok?

This is gonna be a trip.

**Yeosang**

How about you tell me in person?

**Boy with the Face**

…..

I can be at yours in ten minutes?

**Yeosang**

No, I mean, call me.

Facetime.

**Boy with the Face**

Ah, yes, that’s easier.

Soz.

**Yeosang**

Haha.

….

Waiting?

***

Seonghwa was sitting upright against far too many pillows for any sane person to have on his bed.Yeosang peered at the screen. 

“Is that a Captain America plushie?” He asks and even though the light in Seonghwa’s room is dim, and he can’t see him that clearly, he can tell that Seonghwa is blushing.

“Shut up, but yes.Don’t judge me. I’m a Marvel stan.”

“Huh, I think we have to break up.I can’t possibly be seen with you in public ever again.”

“Of course you’re DC.”Seonghwa rolls those big eyes of his and Yeosang has to look away before he breaks out in smiles again.This boy was something else.Yeosang didn’t think he knew quite how attractive he was.Which was good, because if he did, and he played up to it, Yeosang would be broken.

“There is nothing wrong with a bit of darkness,” Yeosang says.“And well plotted revenge.”

“Of course, Batboy, of course.”Seonghwa brought his face closer to his phone.“Yeosang? Are your sheets…black?”

Yeosang did not look flustered.He absolutely did not. He did however clutch his bedding to his chest. 

“Yes?”

“Hmm.”

“What hmmm? I can’t see your expression.Are you judging me for having black bedding?”

“It’s kinda sexy.” But Seonghwa’s voice says its anything but and Yeosang rolls his eyes.

“I like black.Black is where I’m comfortable. You know where you are with black.”

“Okay, that’s fair.It also helps that you look good in black, my little emo goth friend.”

“I’ll hang up,” Yeosang warns him.“And I won’t talk to you ever again. Ever.”

Seonghwa was smiling now and he outright pouted at the screen.

“No, please, please. I’ll be good, promise.”He smooths his features and glances at the phone, doing his best to look innocent but what Yeosang see makes his heart stutter.Seonghwa looks _soft_. His hair hung thick over his forehead and in the half light of the room, the sharp angle of his jaw is softened.His lips are wide and full but it’s his eyes which are mesmerising. He’s wearing a sleep shirt that is obviously a favourite.It’s stretched out and wide around the collar and Yeosang can make out the soft skin of his collarbones and the dip of his clavicle.He looks ethereal and Yeosang wonders what it would feel like to press his lips to all that exposed skin.But the thought frightens him, and he shuts it down hard.

“So,” he says and his voice is maybe lower than it should be.“Talk to me about why you’re worried?”

“Oh right, yes.So.” Seonghwa sits up and adjust the phone on the side table and for a second the screen goes black and then he’s back, lying on his stomach, clutching one of his sketch journals.

“So, you’ve seen some of the art I’ve done and you’ve said you like it.Which is really flattering, so thanks for that. My idea for your painting is a little different?”

Yeosang nods.“I gathered.Do you want me to pose naked?”

Seonghwa’s head comes up so fast that Yeosang worries about whiplash.“No, fuck, Yeosang.You can’t say shit like that.Oh wait, you did that on purpose.Now who’s the asshole?”

Yeosang just smirks and points at himself, making Seonghwa laugh but then he bats his lashes and does his best to look nonchalant but fails because Seonghwa is still laughing and looking flustered.

“Don’t pretend to be sorry now. I can see you trying not to laugh.Jesus, you’ll give me a heart attack.”Seonghwa opens his notebook.“So these are some small prelim sketches I made.Can you see? Do you need me to put the light on?”

“No, I can see.They look amazing, Seonghwa.”

Seonghwa looks down at the sketches.“I was worried that you’d think my idea was a bit questionable?”He taps a long finger against one of the sketches.“But I think you’d look stunning like this.”

The way Seonghwa had sketched him out, he was on his knees, and he was wearing a loose button-down shirt that was unbuttoned midway down to his stomach.He wore a collar and his hands were behind his back, invisible to the viewer.Seonghwa had him looking up, towards the viewer, the perspective from above.The sketch was sexy, undoubtedly, with soft BDSM overtones.Yeosang stared at the sketch, drinking it in, wondered at how Seonghwa saw him.It made him feel _seen_.

“I like it.” I want to look like that in real life, he thinks, when I eventually let myself go.I want to look like that for you. The thought makes him dizzy and he presses his thumb into the bruise on his hip.The pain helps him, it anchors him, and he blinks slowly, looking away from the sketch to meet Seonghwa’s dark eyes.“I don’t think you’re…it’s not perverted.Your art is stunning.It’s going to look fantastic.”

“Hmm, if I pull it off.”Seonghwa shoots him a look.“So, you’re okay with the general concept?”

“I’ll need a lot of breaks so I won’t get cramps,” Yeosang says.“I’ll try and stretch out before I get to you on Friday so we can start right away.”

“Send me a list of snacks you like.I’ll get them in.”

“Sure.” Yeosang sighs and leans back on his pillow, which, by the way, was also black.“But, sleep now, right? It’s late.”

“Yeah, sleep now,” Seonghwa says but he’s clearly not going to. 

“Do you have class in the morning?”

“Not until the afternoon. I’m going to my studio to splash paint around in the morning. I have a few small commissions.”

“That’s good though, right?”

“It is. It’s money and we all need extra money, right?”

Yeosang doesn’t know what to say to that, so he just nods.“Sure.Have a good night, Seonghwa.See you soon.”

“Yeah, you too.”

Seonghwa disconnects the call and Yeosang presses his phone against his chest and sighs deeply.He doesn’t think about Seonghwa’s lips, or his eyes, or his hands.He doesn’t think about his hip to shoulder ratio.He definitely doesn’t think about how tall Seonghwa looks because he is built along lean lines.Or how his shoulders are unexpectedly wide.He does think about Seonghwa’s calm voice, how sweet he is, how protective he is of Yeosang, how he forces himself not to engage him in any of the casual skinship he has with his friends. It is sweet and kind and generous.He sat with Yeosang earlier, talking him out of his panic attack, doing what Yeosang needed, without really knowing what he was doing.His voice had found Yeosang in that dark place he hid in and helped him out. And he’d done it, without training, without thinking about it twice.Yeosang had never had anyone like that, not in all his life.It scared him, knowing how much Seonghwa’s actions meant to him.He wondered if Seonghwa could even guess how much he’d helped Yeosang.He doubted it.He’d not had an attack like this in months and he felt so stupid for it, and angry.San had honestly scared the crap out of him and he’d dropped so fast, he’d hurt himself, his muscles clenching against the blows that would come, but they hadn’t.Instead Seonghwa had been there, close, but not touching, not really, just there and present.His voice gorgeous and soft and present.Yeosang wanted to reach for him, ask for him to hold him, but he was scared, his mind a mess.He liked him, but he couldn’t take that final step.Not yet.One day, maybe. 

When Yeosang falls asleep, it’s with a smile on his face.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seonghwa  
> Your reaction makes me wonder what I’m letting myself in for.  
> Should I bring weapons?
> 
> Yeosang  
> No, it’s fine.   
> You can borrow mine.   
> I have plenty
> 
> Seonghwa  
> I think I’m a little turned on right now. 
> 
> ***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some fluffiness, a bit more info about Yeosang's family.  
> Seonghwa is so whipped, you guys. 
> 
> Did you watch their Crescent VLive? Yeosanghie's HAIR omg AND SEONGHWA'S EVERYTHING basically? I dunno, it was the best way to start a weekend.
> 
> ***

Seonghwa spends his morning at the studio working on his commissions before heading to class with San and Mingi.He’s taking a business module as part of his art course as he wants to know how to run a business one day, should he ever get the keys to his own gallery.He meets Jongho for dinner with San and Mingi in tow.They spend the night talking about class, about politics, about movies and music, new shows and podcasts.It’s a good night and it distracts him from tomorrow, knowing that he would be spending a lot of alone time with Yeosang.

As if thinking about him, makes him pop into Jongho’s head too.He’s talking to them about Wooyoung who he’s completely infatuated with and, San teases, sounds more than infatuation and more like actual in love with.

“Don’t be stupid. I’d have to get Yeosang’s permission to be in love with Wooyoung.He is very protective of him.”

“Yeosang is cool,” Mingi says.“You make him sound not cool.”

Jongho rolls his eyes.“He’s cool, just, he scares me a little.Wooyoung says he’s really focussed.He doesn’t date, he doesn’t go out to parties, or anything like that.Not since his first year.”

“Did something happen?” Seonghwa asks, knowing he shouldn’t encourage gossip but, any insight into what makes Yeosang ticks is good. 

“No, I don’t think so.Nothing terrible, I think. Wooyoung said Yeosang came home after the Christmas break and he was different.Focussed.He just closed himself off and started keeping himself to himself.”

“Huh,” says Mingi.“He doesn’t seem to have trouble hanging out with us at all.”

“I think it’s because we’re doing him a favour,” San says, licking his fingers.“He has to be nice to us.”

“He is paying us,” Mingi points out.“So he doesn’t technically have to hang out with us.What do you think, Hwa?”

For a moment Seonghwa is completely distracted thinking about Yeosang and what must have happened to him at home to have changed his stance about going out and having friends.

“I think Yeosang is just intense.” He grimaces.“Like, I don’t know.He’s not an extrovert so he prefers doing things at his own pace and he doesn’t like attention on him..So maybe it makes him seem a bit cold and aloof.But he’s a good guy.I like him.”

“Has your boyfriend mentioned Yeosang suffering from PTSD at all?” San who’s been steadily making his way through his plate of fried chicken asks and Jongho blinks in surprise. 

“No? Does he, though?”

“Not sure.He went into a full blown panic attack last night. It was bad. I was worried we’d have to call an ambulance, but Hwa took care of him.”

“Fuck.” Jongho was staring at Seonghwa now.“What happened?”

“I don’t know. It was sudden.I think it was a combination of noise and movement that triggered it.I was scared shitless.”

“You did well, Seonghwa,” Mingi says, patting his hand.“You exude a calming aura, and when you do your voice thing, it’s like what’s that stuff called? ASMR?”

“What voice thing?”

“Whenever we sit for you, you do this thing?”Mingi looks at San for help.

“Yeah, your voice just becomes really hypnotic and dark when you talk. And then you sometimes sing.”

Seonghwa didn’t know what to make of that.He knew he sang, sometimes, when he painted.But the way the guys spoke about it, made it sound weird. 

“Is it weird? I didn’t even realise I did that.”

“No, you’re fine.It’s calming.I used to love sitting for you, because when you talked to me, it felt like I was meditating.”San nodded at his own explanation.“And then afterwards, you’d just bring it back and you’d be yourself again and you’d hug me and made sure I had enough to eat and drink and it was like, two hours went by and I don’t remember it at all.”

“I honestly had no idea I did that.” Seonghwa brushed a hand through his hair.“Sorry?”

“Bro, it’s fine.Being around you is really calming.I think that’s why you could help Yeosang last night.You helped him get back to himself and you gave him water and snacks.You grounded him and stayed with him till he was better.”

Mingi was looking thoughtful.“You really like him, don’t you? I mean, you told San you liked him but this is real, with emotions and everything.”

Seonghwa gasped, shooting a betrayed look at San, who in turn looked a bit guilty but he just shrugged.

“Whatever.We’d have to be blind and deaf not to see how the two of you act around one another.I have never seen you be so careful around anyone.”

“I just, dunno.I don’t really know him that well? I mean, we’ve all spent time together.You know how he is. Plus he’s such an ass sometimes, but he has this don’t touch me aura and it’s hard because there are times that all I want to do is touch.”

“Get consent first,” Jongho says, very seriously.“No touching without consent.Wooyoung has mentioned that Yeosang doesn’t let people touch him, not casually.He never has.Wooyoung has been his friend for years and he barely touches Wooyoung.”

“I wonder what happened to him?” San says.“I mean, something had to have happened to him, right?”

Seonghwa thought about the little things he’s picked up about Yeosang and he wonders.He keeps thinking about it until they go their separate ways and he goes home.Hongjoong is there, looking tired and stressed. 

He waves at Seonghwa, his face lit up by the light from his laptop.“Motherfucking essay,” he says.“Music theory.I hate it.Due tomorrow.”

Seonghwa understands.He hates art theory but it is a necessary evil.Because he’s a good roommate he makes Hongjoong a strong coffee laced with hazelnut syrup and the fancy sugar that is an indulgence.Hongjoong makes inappropriate orgasmic sounds when he takes his first sip and declares Seonghwa to be his everything and only ever true love.

“Yeah, I can see,” he says, pointing to the marks on Hongjoong’s neck.“You cheated on me with Yunho?”

“Fucking Yunho,” Hongjoong mutters but there’s a blush riding on his cheeks.“He is the worst.”

“Yeah,” Seonghwa says, pulling the door closed.“The absolute worst.”

He has a shower and gets in bed with his laptop.He works on an essay for class.It’s not due for another two weeks, but two weeks go by really fast, especially with the gallery show and the dance showcase coming up. 

His phone lights up just before one a.m.

**Yeosang**

Okay

So, hi?

**Seonghwa**

Hey

What’s going on?

**Yeosang**

I’m not sure

**Seonghwa**

Okay

Do you want me to call you?

**Yeosang**

No.

**Seonghwa**

Ok?

Sangie? You’re being weird.

**Yeosang**

It’s part of my charm.

**Seonghwa**

You have charm?

**Yeosang**

You ass.

It’s fine - am being stupid

Forget I messaged you at ONE IN THE MORNING

WHY ARE YOU AWAKE?

**Seonghwa**

I DUNNO, SOME DUDE JUST MESSAGED ME AT ONE IN TH EMORNNG

**Yeosang**

Fuck off.

Hahaha.

You were already awake you ass.

**Seonghwa**

Again, I ask: You have charm?

**Yeosang**

I am the charmiest.

Is that even a word?

It’s not a word.But I make it one.

**Seonghwa**

What you want,pretty thing?

**Yeosang**

…..

Pretty thing?

**Seonghwa**

Hmm.

The prettiest.

**Yeosang**

….

….

**Seonghwa**

You don’t like being called pretty?

**Yeosang**

No.

It was just unexpected.

**Seonghwa**

Would you like me to apologise?

Take it back?

**Yeosang**

No, no take backsies.

**Seonghwa**

I’m smiling so hard right now.

Why are you messaging me this late at night?

If you can’t make it tomorrow, it’s fine.

I can work on the commissions instead.

**Yeosang**

No, I can still make it.

I just wanted to ask you another favour.

**Seonghwa**

Oooh, another favour?

Hmmm, what should I ask for in turn?

**Yeosang**

You are being exceedingly flirty tonight.

**Seonghwa**

It must be the full moon.

**Yeosang**

The…moon is waning.

I hate that I know that.

**Seonghwa**

Haha.

You are being too cute.

Okay, tell me the favour.

**Yeosang**

You know how I said I’m going home for my grandfather’s birthday?

In a few weeks time?

**Seonghwa**

Vaguely, yes.

**Yeosang**

Would you be able to come with me?

I’ll pay for everything.

You just need to turn up.

**Seonghwa**

….

I’m not sure I understand?

Why me?

Why not Wooyoung?

**Yeosang**

I’m sorry, it was stupid of me.

I shouldn’t have asked.

Forget it.

**Seonghwa**

I didn’t say no, Sangie.

I just want to know why you asked me?

**Yeosang**

I dunno.

Maybe I just want to have someone - you - there

When my family converges on me

And I feel like prey

**Seonghwa**

You’re not selling this to me

I hope y0ou knowthat

**Yeosang**

I wouldn’t be going in the first place.

But it is his 80th.

Look, don’t worry about it.

It was dumb of me to ask.

**Seonghwa**

Just answer me this.

Why me and not anyone else?

**Yeosang**

….

Fuck.

**Seonghwa**

Pardon?

**Yeosang**

Fine, if you want to know.

You make me feel safe.

I’d like you to go with me, because you make me feel safe.

And I need someone with me

I already told them I’m bringing someone

So please say yes.

**Seonghwa**

….

….

Okay.I’ll come with you.

Send me the dates and I’ll make sure I’m free.

**Yeosang**

Are you srs right now?

**Seonghwa**

Like death.

I’ll come with you.

**Yeosang**

Fuck me.

Wow, this is…

Everything, I’m so relieved

JFC.Thank you.

**Seonghwa**

Your reaction makes me wonder what I’m letting myself in for.

Should I bring weapons?

**Yeosang**

No, it’s fine.

You can borrow mine.

I have plenty.

**Seonghwa**

I think I’m a little turned on right now.

**Yeosang**

*is alarmed*

**Seonghwa**

*grins *

Okay, so we’re still okay for tomorrow?

**Yeosang**

100%

See you tomorrow

I’ll tell you more about the weekend too.

**Seonghwa**

Sounds good.

G’night, pretty thing.

Sleep well.

**Yeosang**

You to.

/too

**Yeosang**

xoxo

***

Seonghwa stares at the phone in his hand.What the ever living fuck did he just agree to? Who was Yeosang’s family that he needed someone with him to make him feel SAFE?He didn’t fall asleep for hours but woke up late, feeling weirdly like he’s not panicking. 

He putters around, reading his phone, has a cup of godawful coffee whilst listening to Hongjoong grumble about his essay. He hums the right answers, keeping it vague, not telling him about his conversation with Yeosang.It was going to be a warm one so he dressed in a tank and loose shorts, grabs his phone, wallet and keys, backpack, his new charcoals and heads to the studio.

He stops by the supermarket on the way and buys everything Yeosang had listed as favourite snacks and buys himself a few things too.He figured he’d be able to call out for lunch to get them fed. 

At the studio he cranks the windows open, jerry-rigs the fan to work and set about prepping some canvasses.He put aside his commissions and tidies his space and cleans his brushes.He does some quick warmup drawings on thick A2 mixed media paper.He finds himself sketching San and Mingi holding hands, then Hongjoong’s exhausted face.He loses himself in the music on his bluetooth speakers and sketching until his phone buzzes and he glances at it. 

**Yeosang**

ETA 5mins.Picking you up some javajavajavajava

He sends a smiley emoji, heart emoji, smiley heart emoji in response.

He puts the sketches aside and sets his easel up properly.By the time Yeosang gets there, carrying two takeaway coffee cups and a bag of pastries, his studio is as tidy as it was ever going to be. 

He takes the pastries from Yeosang who staggers into the room, his board under one arm, backpack over one shoulder whilst clutching onto the cups for dear life.

“I don’t remember you being this dramatic,” Seonghwa laughs, taking his board from him and propping it up by the door.“Why are you being this dramatic?”

“I feel hung over and tired and I knew you wouldn’t say no to pastries whilst I try and wake myself up, so here we are.”

They ‘clink’ cups together and Seonghwa makes a noise like sex when he takes the first sip of his long black.Yeosang grimaces at him.

“How you drink that stuff is beyond me.”

“Listen, Mister Double Shot Hazelnut, don’t come at me about my drinks choices. I know you are probably 80% sugar.”

Yeosang looks offended and draws himself up to his full height and juts a stubborn chin at him. “I resent that remark.I’d say I’m maybe 25% sugar.The rest is sarcasm and general dislike of people.”

Seonghwa snorts and turns to open the bag of pastries.He fishes out a plain croissant, it’s still warm, and starts ripping it apart and popping strips into his mouth. 

“Godddd,” he mutters, licking his fingers.“What is it about croissants?”

“I am not sure?” Yeosang says, staring at him warily.“What is wrong with _you_ today?”

“I just really appreciate the coffee and croissants?”

Yeosang nods, his expression telling Seonghwa he really doesn’t believe him.

“Anyways. Your outfit for the day is interesting,” he says, gesturing at his outfit.“Did you wake up this morning and go: I think I’ll dress like a guy named Chad today.”

Seonghwa looks down at his bare legs and tugs at his sleeveless tank. “It’s going to be hot today.The studio gets hot.”

“Uh, there is never any excuse to wear,” Yeosang gestures feebly with one hand.“That.Honestly.”

Seonghwa forms a scowl and drags his eyes along Yeosang who looks so good, as always.He keeps very still, makes heavy eye contact with Yeosang.“You come into my studio, insult my favourite drink, then my outfit.Are you picking a fight with me?”

Yeosang stares at him.They stare at one another.There’s something, something, something. But then Yeosang shakes his head, breaks eye contact. Takes a sip of his own coffee and bites into a croissant of his own.

“No.”

“Okay.”

“Are you annoyed with me?”

“No, I was teasing you.”

“Oh.”

“Hmm.”

“Today is off to a good start.”

“You look nice,” Seonghwa says.“I like your t-shirt.”

“Oh.” Yeosang looks down at his t-shirt.“I’ll make you one.”

“I don’t think it would suit me, to be honest.”

Yeosang stares down at his t-shirt that he had screen printed the word BEST BOY with BEST crossed out and WORST scribbled below it in a pretty handwritten font.

“Yeah, you like people.”

“Only some people.”

Yeosang’s gaze flickers and meets his.“So.About this morning?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m sorry I just, you know.All of it. I asked you to come with me, without context.”

“I said yes,” Seonghwa reminds him.“I’ll go with you to your grandfather’s 80th birthday party.”

“Just like that?”

“Well, I am curious about all of it, but you’ll tell me when you’re ready.”

“How are you this nice?”

“I’m really not.I guess I just like you.I like spending time with you.”

He carefully doesn’t look at Yeosang when he says it but he sees from the corner of his eye as Yeosang’s eyes swing to his face, the way his hands tighten a little on the cup he’s holding.

“Seonghwa,” Yeosang says and his voice is low low low.“Are you messing around right now?”

And Seonghwa is at a loss, because what can he say? He is desperate to touch him and even though they are standing so close, Yeosang’s holding himself poised.So, instead, he puts his hands in his pockets and he clenches his fists.This is something.It’s tentative.Yeosang looks scared, but not like he wants to run.It is something.Yeosang is closer now, somehow and Seonghwa finds it a little difficult to breathe properly.But he stares at the boy in front of him and swallows a little.

“No. I don’t mess around, not like this.Not with you.”It’s a whisper.As Seonghwa speaks, Yeosang’s eyes darken. Yeosang is so close now.So close that all he has to do is tilt his chin just a fraction and he’d be touching his lips to Seonghwa’s.But he stays like that, very still.And they breathe together, eyes on each other, hearts too loud.

“Thank you.”And Yeosang smiles.He smiles like Seonghwa’s given him the world.And he steps back, two steps, but he’s still smiling.And it makes Seonghwa soar.He’s shaking.He’s fucking shaking.He is shook.But so is Yeosang. 

“We can cancel today,” he says.“If you’d rather?”

“No.” Yeosang shakes his head and his bangs get in his eyes and Seonghwa wants to brush them away.“No, I promised you today.So lets get started, okay?”

“Okay, yeah.”Seonghwa draws a ragged breath.“Just, give me a minute? That was…”

“Intense.”

“Yeah.”

Seonghwa busies himself. He doesn’t know what he’s really doing but he sorts through his pencils, lines up the acrylics. It’s mindless, he does it to pull himself together.

“Hey, Seonghwa?”Yeosang’s voice is soft and he glances at him.He’s taken a seat on one of the stools Seonghwa uses to sit on in front of the easel.He’s all long limbs and dark eyes.

“Yeah?”

“I do like you, you know. Like a lot.More than I possibly should.”

“Oh.”

He watches the flush on Yeosang’s cheeks spread and he smiles.

“Well.Good, I’m glad to know that.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

“Should I not have said anything?”

“Shut up and let me have my moment.”

There’s a sound like a strangled gasp from Yeosang but he’s quietly laughing and nodding. 

“Okay, yes.Have your moment.I’m just going to be here, by myself, freaking out.”

“Gay panic?” Seonghwa quips thoughtlessly and he watches that light blush go darker and he thinks _oh._

“A little, but mostly, you know.Just dealing with emotions.”

“Emotions are the worst.”

“They really are.You seem good at them though.”

Seonghwa hums.He goes back to the table, stands close to Yeosang and drinks his coffee and finishes his croissant.

“I’m glad I fooled you,” he says, and he’s being honest.

Yeosang is staring at him, staring his mouth.“You have a thing,” he says, tilting his chin.“On your lip.”

And Seonghwa wants to laugh because this is so stupid, so KDrama romcon.He raises a hand and swipes his thumb over his lip, picks up the flake of pastry and pops it back into his mouth.

“Better?”

“Sure?” Yeosang says and he seems to have difficultly looking away from Seonghwa’s mouth.“I mean, yes.Would not have been comfortable having you paint me with crumbs on your face.Awkward.”

“So awkward.”Seonghwa turns around, suddenly. What the fuck is going on today?“Fuck, okay.Head in the game.Come on.Let me show you the sketches properly.”

Yeosang hops off the chair and comes over to where Seonghwa has his sketchbook open.They chat about the smaller sketches, and Yeosang again points to the one he told Seonghwa he preferred.It is his favourite one too and Seonghwa feels a little vindicated. 

“Okay, lets get you changed and set up.You can change there, if you like?” He points to the screen.“I’ll sort out the carpets and cushions.”

Yeosang nods and grabs his backpack and heads to the screen.Seonghwa pulls several carpets onto of one another.They are gorgeous thick things he’d inherited from the previous studio occupant.They must have cost a lot of money when they were new.They looked Persian but they were patchy in parts.Seonghwa loves them.Whenever he uses them, he thinks that this is what you call faded grandeur.Then a thought strikes him and he stills.

“I’m going to paint you amongst ruins,” he tells Yeosang.

“Uh, sure, whatever you want, Hwa.”

He smiles at the nickname.He pulls out the floor cushions and nods to himself.The colours are great and will compliment Yeosang skin tone and show off the black of his shirt.

“What’s taking you so long?” He calls over his shoulder.He turns when he hears a noise and his breath just. Stops.

Yeosang isn’t looking at him.Instead he’s got his head down as he fiddles with the leather collar around his neck, muttering.He’s dressed in the black silk shirt he’d sent Seonghwa a picture off and that’s it.Possibly, there are boxers underneath the shirt, but it comes to mid-thigh. His legs are bare, showing off his lightly muscled thighs and toned calves.

“Fuck sake,” he mutters, looking up at Seonghwa with pleading eyes.“Help me with the fucking clasp before I cut it up and throw it in the trash.”

“Sure, yes,” Seonghwa says, feeling brave and hot and dizzy all at the same time.He steps towards him.“Are you okay-?”He means, are you okay with me this close? Are you okay with me putting a collar on you? Are you okay with me touching you?

Yeosang sucks in a breath and nods.“Yeah, yes.Just I can’t find the…” He tugs on the leather and swears.“Fuck.”

“Stop, you’re going to hurt yourself.Let me.” Seonghwa pushes his hands down and away.“Just, calm down, okay? It’s fine. I’ll help you.”

They’re close.Seonghwa is aware of their height difference, which isn’t a lot, but it’s enough. He steps around Yeosang so he’s at his back, and Yeosang bends his head forward, giving him access to the buckle of the collar. Seonghwa’s hands tremble slightly as he gets his hands on the collar.

“I’m going to check it’s not too tight.That means I’m going to touch you,” he tells Yeosang.“Tell me you’re okay with that.”

The silence drags on for almost too long before Yeosang nods.

“I’m not touching you until you tell me with your words, pretty thing.”Seonghwa doesn’t know why he calls him that, right then, but Yeosang gives a shudder.

“I’m okay with you touching me.” His voice is soft and low and barely there, but then he reaches up and wraps his fingers around Seonghwa’s wrist where it’s hanging at his side, the touch barely there, then it’s gone.Yeosang’s voice is steadier when he speaks again. “I’m okay.”

Seonghwa is so careful. He crooks a finger under the leather, the feel of Yeosang’s skin impossibly soft against his, and loosens it just a fraction before slipping the clip into the hole and securing the rest of the leather under the guide. 

“I have this too,” Yeosang says, and hands him a length of chain.“It clips on the ring.”

Seonghwa looks at the length of silver chain in his hand and he makes himself step back, noping out of clipping it to the wide collar.“No,” he says.“No.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, it just doesn’t fit with what I want to paint.”

“Okay, sure. I get it.”

“Jesus.” He rubs his face. “I just made it weird.”

“No? I do get it.”

“Okay. Tell me.”

“With the chain you take away choice.”

He gets it.He fucking gets it and Seonghwa nods, relieved.

“Are you sure you don’t mind this concept?”

“No,” Yeosang says and his eyes are on his face and they are wide. “I trust you.”

“I won’t sell it,” he says.“I’ll give it to you after the show.”

Yeosang looks down and smiles. It’s a quirk of his lips and Seonghwa pushes his hands into his pockets. 

“Okay, let’s get started.Do you need anything? I got all the snacks and water.I figure we can get lunch ordered in later?”

“Yeah, I’m good.” He walks forward and looks at the nest Seonghwa had made on the floor.“Can I move things around a little?”

“Sure, whatever you want.” Seonghwa moves so he’s behind his easel. He presses his head against the canvas and lets out a breath as he listens to Yeosang moving around.

“So, like this?”

Seonghwa thinks he’s going to die.Yeosang is on his knees amongst the cushions, but his legs are splayed behind him a little. The black silk shirt makes his pale skin glow.He’s got it unbuttoned, like in the sketch, and it’s open to midway down his stomach, revealing far too much skin.With the collar around his neck, he looks delectable. He looks like a fallen angel.

Seonghwa walks around him, making small adjustments to the cushions.He has a brush in his hand and he uses it to nudge the shirt closed a little.He uses it to tilt Yeosang’s chin up, angles his jaw just so. He taps the end to his chin.

“Mouth,” he says.“Part your lips.”

Yeosang does as instructed.

“Eyes up, on me.”

He looks incredible.Seonghwa wants wants wants.But he walks away. 

“I’m setting an alarm for forty minutes. Do you think you can hold it until then?”

“Sure.”

“What do you want to listen to?”

“Anything is fine. Music, podcasts, whatever.”

Seonghwa scrolls through is playlist.He finds an acoustic playlist and hit splay.He goes to stand behind his easel, taps the brush against his lips, staring at Yeosang and starts.

***

It’s hours later.The sun is setting and there’s a soft glow through the windows, lighting up the studio.Yeosang is in the same position and he’s been sitting patiently, whilst Seonghwa works.They’ve had lunch, pizza and taken breaks, but Yeosang stayed a little quiet.They listened to music, to some podcasts and Seonghwa spoke to him, stream of consciousness stuff.He also hummed with some of the songs that he knew and he watched as Yeosang sunk deeper and deeper into himself, his eyes losing focus. 

It made him wonder as he watched Yeosang’s beautiful face as the shadows hollowed out his cheeks and cast his lips more prominently. He stood, checking his watch.They had five minutes left, but it was enough.He cancelled the clock, then checked the settings, making the alarm tone ring.It had been the only way Yeosang would surface previously, not responding to Seonghwa’s voice.

“Hey,” he said as Yeosang focussed on him, blinking heavily.He knelt in front of him.“I think we should call time.You’ve been sitting for me all day.”He held out a bottle of water.“Here, drink some water.Are you hungry? Would you like anything?”

Yeosang took the bottle from him and drank deep.Seonghwa watched his throat work.Some of the water escaped his lips and trailed down the column of his throat, down his chest.

“Sangie?”

Yeosang’s eyes were heavy when he managed to catch his gaze.“Baby, are you okay?”

“Baby?”

Seonghwa bit his lip.Fuck. His voice was barely even there.

“Yeosang.”

“Call me baby,” Yeosang said.“Please.”

“I’m not…sure, baby.Whatever you want.”

Yeosang shuddered and his eyelids drooped.His lashes cast long shadows over his cheeks.

“So tired, Hwa,” he said.“How am I so tired?Did nothing.”

“It’s hard work sitting still for so long, baby.You did so well, my pretty thing.”

“Hmm.”His smile was dreamy.“I like it. Can I nap?”

“Sure.” He took the bottle of water away from him and watched as Yeosang folded in on himself and canted sideways onto the pillows around him.“I’ll bring you a blanket.”

It was still warm and the blanket he found was thin and light.He knelt at Yeosang’s side and draped it over him.

“You okay?”

Yeosang nods and sighs a little.“So tired.”

“Have a rest.I’ll wake you up in a bit.I’ll take you for dinner.”

“Stay?”

Seonghwa stops midway in the process of standing up.

“Stay? Yeosang, I don’t think-,” he says but Yeosang reaches out and takes his wrist.Again the touch is barely there. 

“Please.You don’t have to touch me.Just be near me.”

Seonghwa swallows.He could do that.He could do that and not let his heart hurt.

“Okay.”He lies down next to Yeosang, facing him.“Is this okay?”

“Perfect.”Yeosang’s eyes hold mysteries as he stares at Seonghwa.“What is happening?”

“I’m not sure,” Seonghwa admits.“It scares me a little.”

“It’s okay,” Yeosang says, soft soft, like a dream.He’s close, his lips are so close.“It’s okay.”

His eyes drift shut and Seonghwa marvels at how beautiful this boy is.How trusting of him. It feels heavy, this trust.Like it is something.

They sleep, somehow they fall asleep and Seonghwa wakes up hours later with Yeosang curled up against his chest, one hand under his cheek, the other under Seonghwa’s tank top, fingers splayed over his chest.Seonghwa is sleeping on one folded arm, the other resting lightly draped over Yeosang’s hip.And they are close.It feels good.It’s something.

They wake up when it starts getting light.Yeosang is close.His eyes are a little surprised but he’s not freaked out. He’s staring at Seonghwa as his eyelids flutters and he becomes aware.Of them.Of falling asleep.Of Yeosang still soft in his arms.And he is in his arms and it feels so good and he’s not moving away.

“It’s early,” Seonghwa says.“The sun isn’t even up properly.”

“I know,” Yeosang says back.“We slept.”

“I know.”

“It’s nice.”

“I know.”

They share a smile.Yeosang’s eyes drift shut again and he scoots a tiny bit closer. The hand against Seonghwa’s chest splays wider and Yeosang makes a soft noise of contentment and falls asleep again.

Seonghwa watches him and wonders what this means. He leans his head forward so he can rest his cheek against Yeosang’s head and drifts off again.

They wake up again when its full light. Yeosang stretches, lazy like a cat and immediately curls up again.

“That was good. You have magic pillows, I think.”

Seonghwa grins.“You were out like a light last night.”

“I know. It was great.Thanks for indulging me.”

“Least I could do.You were very patient with me yesterday.You take direction well.”

Yeosang blushes a little.“Shit, I slept in the collar.Can you help?”He sits up a little and turns around so that Seonghwa could take it off.

“Stop squirming, god,” Seonghwa rasps and presses his fingertips to Yeosang’s neck.“Stay still. If you squirm I can’t get it off.”

“I need to pee, though,” Yeosang says, no trace of embarrassment.“I didn’t realise how much I need to pee until I just sat up.”

Seonghwa laughs, breathless, and undoes the buckle.“There, you’re free to go pee.Put on pants.You’ll give the security guard a heart attack.”

“No time. Gotta pee.”

And Yeosang stands, a bit wobbly, and Seonghwa laughs at him as he brushes a hand through his hair, realises that his silk shirt is a mess and that he looks very questionable, but then he just shrugs and says: “Fuckit.” And makes his way out of Seonghwa’s studio to the large shared bathroom and shower all the studios in the warehouse shares.

Seonghwa gets up, folds the blanket neatly and stores it away.He moves the cushions away and looks over the snacks they had left.There was some cold pizza too, but he was hungry, like proper starving.He eats a pizza slice and makes two cups of instant coffee for them. 

When Yeosang comes back, looking fresh faced, with his bangs a little wet, he hands him a coffee.

“My turn,” he says.“I just grabbed some cold pizza.There’s more left.I’ll take you for breakfast.”

He makes quick work of his own ablutions and washes his face.He stares at himself in the mirror.He looks the same.He definitely does, but he doesn’t feel the same.

Yeosang is, thank god, fully dressed when he gets back.He’s wearing the same clothes as he came in the day before.“I have a spare shirt in here, if you want it,” he tells Seonghwa. 

“Oh, yeah.Thanks.”Seonghwa shucks his tank top off and tosses it onto the couch and turns back toYeosang who passes him, unsurprisingly, a black t-shirt.

“Abs,” Yeosang says.“Why do you have abs?”

“I?” Seonghwa looks down at his stomach. “Dancing? And I go to gym when I can.”

“Of course you do.”

“You have abs,” Seonghwa points out.

“Do I tho?” Yeosang looks so doubtful it makes Seonghwa laugh. 

“I’m not sure what to make of today’s t-shirt of choice,” he says as he smooths it down.It’s a little snug over his shoulders. 

Yeosang stands back and a smile so fat it must hurt breaks out on his face.Before Seonghwa can say anything, he takes his phone out and snaps a picture of him. 

“That’s going on the group chat,” he says and dances out of Seonghwa’s reach.“No, no, no.Too late, it’s sent.”

Seonghwa’s backed him up against his shelving unit that holds all his paints and Yeosang’s leaning as far back away from him as he can but he’s laughing and it’s a little breathless and a lot cute.

“You are a menace,” he tells Yeosang.“You can be glad I like you.”

Yeosang bats his lashes and smirks a little.“Does this mean I get to choose breakfast?”

Seonghwa watches him closely.They’re not touching, he’s careful not to, but Yeosang seems relaxed and happy and not freaked out by their proximity.

“Sure, whatever you want. Pretty thing.” And there it is.The hitch of breath.The pink flush.

“Are you calling me that because you know it flusters me?”

“Yes, but also, because it’s true. It suits you.”

“Who’s a menace now?”

Seonghwa steps back and smiles at him. 

“Did you look at your painting?”

“No. You covered it. I didn’t want to presume…”

Seonghwa just tilts his head in invitation and Yeosang moves towards him.He leads him to the easel.He takes the dust cloth off and stands aside so that Yeosang could see the painting.

He’s painted Yeosang kneeling on his nest of pillows, head tilted towards the viewer, long column of his neck visible. His full lips are parted and his eyes are focussed on the viewer, maybe to something behind the viewer. The collar looks cruel against his pale flesh, but it draws the eye.The black silk of the shirt is in sharp contrast to his skin. The view makes Yeosang look pliable but there’s a challenge to the set of his sharp jaw, to the expression in his eyes, that speaks of the fact thatthe pliability the viewer sees is maybe wishful thinking.

The room Seonghwa’s painted around him, which needs completion, is the ruins of what could only be assumed as a seraglio of an era long gone.There are plush cushions strewn around, a broken wall that gives a view over a harbour in the distance.

“It’s a story,” Yeosang says and he sounds surprised.His hand hovers over the painting.“You did _all_ this yesterday?”

“It’s not finished yet,” Seonghwa says.“I’ll finish the detail over the next few days.”He looks at Yeosang.“What do you think?”

“It’s something.”He sounds completely gone and Seonghwa worries that he’s not okay.But then he looks at Seonghwa and his eyes are huge. “How do you make my skin look like that?” He leans closer and then pulls back. “Do I look like that? Seonghwa -.”

“Yes?”

“You are so talented.” He touches the canvas, just the corner of it. “I don’t know what to say.Thank you.”

“Oh my god, can you not look so devastated when you thank me? I can’t tell if you’re going to cry or what?”Seonghwa wants to curl in on himself.

Yeosang turns to him then.He steps closer to Seonghwa and puts his hand softly against his t-shirt, over the printed word where it says BOY TOY and looks him in the eye.

“I love the painting.It is incredible. I am in awe of your talent.Is that better? Are you reassured?” 

Seonghwa laughs then, relief flooding his body. “Yes, thank you. My fragile ego is assuaged.”

“Oh good.But I am really hungry.So, please feed me?”

“Yes, whatever you want, baby.”

Seonghwa closes the window, turns off the fan and covers the painting again, before grabbing his backpack and following Yeosang out of the room.

They grab breakfast at an American style diner and they eat several pancakes, bacon and follow it up with fresh fruit and a lot of coffee.

“So.”

“So,” Seonghwa says halfway through his second plate of pancakes.

“So, about my family,” Yeosang pauses for a moment. “They are very, how do I put this? Demanding.They always have been. I lost my parents when I was seven and my brother was a three. So my uncle and aunt raised us.”

“You have a brother?”

“Yes, he’s four years younger than me.”

“You’ve never mentioned him before.”

“We’re not really that close.He’s fully under their sway.”

“Okay.”

“So, here’s the thing.My family wants me to take over the family business when I graduate.”

“Oh.Oh shit.”

“Yes, so.I’m going home to tell them that I’m not.That I’m a fashion major.”

“But surely they must _know_?”

“Not really.I’m putting myself through school. My father had set up a trust fund for me when I was born.He was a very rich man, independently wealthy. He married into my mother’s family who took us in after their death.So I’ve used that to fund my schooling.It is one of the reasons my family hate me. I don’t need them and they hate that.”

“Hate is a strong word,” Seonghwa says.“I mean, I don’t know the story.”

“You’ll see, when you meet them.”

“Why do they hate you?”

“I’m not biddable. I don’t fit the image of the perfect heir.Which is why they love my brother so much. But, until he’s of age, and educated, he can’t take over the company, but I can so.”

Seonghwa watches as Yeosang sneaks a strawberry off his plate onto his own even though he has his own stack of fruit.

“What about your grandfather?”

“He is difficult.He rules the family, but he’s getting older and is frail.My uncle now runs the company and my aunt is his right hand man.”

“I think I’m starting to understand now, why you want me to go with you.”

“Will you though? Will you still go with me?”

“Will you make me a t-shirt that says: I’m here to fuck shit up?”

Yeosang gasps a laugh out loud.“Oh my god.”

Seonghwa stares at him and grins and takes a risk.He presses a finger under Yeosang’s chin, tilting his head up so he can look him in the eye.“I am still going with you.”

“Okay.Yes, thank you.”Yeosang dips his head and smiles and he looks inordinately happy and pleased with himself.

Seonghwa’s phone buzzes and he laughs when he sees the string of messages from their mutual friends.

“I think you killed everyone with that photo you sent the group,” he says.“I have an idea.Scoot over.”

He sits down next to Yeosang and it’s close close close and Yeosang still for a moment but then he breathes and presses a shoulder against Seonghwa’s.Seonghwa angles his face so that they look closer than they are and holds the phone out and takes a selfie of the two of them.He shows Yeosang who grins. 

“I look high,” Yeosang complains.“Take another one.”

“Okay.”Seonghwa repositions himself, one arm around Yeosang’s shoulder, pulling him in close as he grins at the camera.“Say _kimchi_.”

Yeosang throws his head back a little and laughs and as he does, Seonghwa turns to look at him and takes the photo.And he sends it to the group.It’s a great photo.He doesn’t have to even look at it to know. 


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They get to Yeosang’s apartment and he turns to look at him intently. 
> 
> “So, how do you like your eggs in the morning, Hwa?”
> 
> “Oh my god, Yeosang. Shut up.” And he grabs his shoulders and spins him around and shoves him a little towards the building’s door. “Go, go sleep.”
> 
> Yeosang huffs a little. 
> 
> “Fine, I’ll go. The rejection hurts, I’ll have you know that.”
> 
> “Yeah, I hear you. It’s not you, it’s me, pretty thing.” Seonghwa winks and is rewarded with another real grin. 
> 
> “Text me?”
> 
> “I will.”
> 
> “Night, Hwa. Thanks for today. I had fun.”
> 
> “Me too.”
> 
> Seonghwa turns to go but looks back to see Yeosang watching him from the open door. 
> 
> “Sorry to see you go but love seeing you leave,” he calls out loudly, making a few girls passing by stare and then burst out laughing. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Godddddd, I love them so much. 
> 
> Again, I cannot express how much fun I'm having playing with them. And a huge thanks to everyone leaving kudos. Please do comment and chat to me. I have basically blown off working on my novel in favour of writing this fic. I've lost track of time and days and hours are all bleeding into one. It's just me, and this story.
> 
> ***

They spend most of Saturday together.It should feel weird, but it doesn’t.Yeosang brings his sketchbooks over to Seonghwa’s studio and curls up in a nest on the floor, arranging and rearranging the myriad of cushions just so, and settles down.Seonghwa watches him and is reminded of a cat finding the perfect place to settle down in.He mutters a little, scrunches his nose at an offending pillow, tugs another in its place and gives a little sigh of happiness when he sinks back down.

Yeosang does some schoolwork, he sketches, he dozes. He talks to Seonghwa and Seonghwa can’t quite believe he’s got Yeosang in his space, like this.It’s definitely something.

Seonghwa finishes up the painting, adding all the finer detail.He grabs his polaroid camera and takes a few photos of Yeosang sprawled on the floor.He’d offered to make him space at one of the tables in the room, but Yeosang had waved him off.He pins the pictures to the cork board on the wall above his desk.It fits with the candids he’d taken of his other friends in the past.

Yeosang drags him out for lunch.The security guard looks amused by their bickering about where to go for food.Some of the other occupants of the studios they pass wave at them when they get back and Yeosang strikes up, much to Seonghwa’s surprise, a conversation with a tattooed Valkyrie of a woman who’d only recently moved into the shared space.She was a jeweller and designer and Yeosang looked like he had fallen in love with her as she showed him some of her rings.

Seonghwa watches as Yeosang pores over the delicate pieces, watches him try on several rings, muttering under his breath.He looks completely unguarded and fully engaged and it makes Seonghwa feel so soft for this boy who seems so intent on keeping the world out and yet here he was, telling this woman that he was a fashion student and always wanted to know about designing jewellery.Seonghwa zones out, watching Yeosang being adorably reserved yet eager as the woman spoke to him about her design process.As she spoke he continued trying on a variety of rings spread out before him. When Yeosang turns to look at Seonghwa, holding up his hand for his opinion, Seonghwa snaps out of his daze and walks closer. 

Yeosang’s hands aren’t big, not as big as his, but they weren’t delicate either.The rings he chose all look good on him, but Seonghwa’s gaze was drawn to a slender silver band maybe half a centimetre wide.It had a rough finish, slightly antiqued.Yeosang had slipped it onto the ring finger of his right hand.It fit perfectly.He paired it with several smaller stacking rings.

“They all look good,” he says, watching Yeosang slip them off and rearrange them on the velvet display box.“Are you getting any?”

“Not today.” Yeosang smiles at the woman and it’s a shy, almost there thing.“But I’ll be back.Once I’ve had my show and it doesn’t flop, I’ll be back.”

Seonghwa catches the woman’s eye and purposefully drops his gaze to the wide ring, before looking up at her again, tilting his chin a little.

“Well, you know where I am.I run a market stall too when I can get a slot. I’m also here most days.I see your boyfriend often.”

Yeosang flushes and shoots a look at Seonghwa who feels like he’s about to combust.

“Oh we’re not…”

“We’re just good friends,” Seonghwa rumbles and he tries to sound nonchalant and easy about it. Whilst remembering how Yeosang had curled up against him the night before.

“Ah, I see.” She nods as if she does see.“Well, take these anyway.”

She hands each of them a business card.Seonghwa pockets his as she makes a show of replacing the rings, having nudged the wider one to the side a little.Her glance at him made Seonghwa nod behind Yeosang’s back. He had savings from his commissions so he would be able to get this small thing for Yeosang who was working to some kind ofscheme of self denial he had set himself.

After lunch, Seonghwa set Yeosang’s painting aside to start work on a mixed media piece he had been thinking about it as a palate cleanser.He moved around the studio, singing to the radio, as he dug around in drawers for stuff he wanted to use, then finally knelt next to the bin to find an empty soft drink bottle.

“Hwa?”

“Hmm.”

“Hwa, what are you doing?”

He turns to Yeosang who has clearly been watching him for some time.He looks down at the stuff he was clutching to his chest and, okay, fine yes, he did look like he had somehow lost his mind.

He turns to the table and dumps everything onto it. Yeosang draws closer so he could see.

“Last week’s newspaper, this is vintage paper from a Russian dictionary, an unused serviette - look at the pattern that’s pressed into it.Touch it.It feels good, right? Then this is some lace I picked up at tiny market I stumbled across one night when I couldn’t sleep.I think it’s vintage - look at the colour of it.” He prods the various things.“I will cut the bottle open and use the edges to make marks in the paint. This wool is something I picked up a while ago, shortly after I got the studio. I haven’t used much of it in my art, but I think I will.And look at this. I love the way this corrugated cardboard feels - it’s a great substrate but I think I’ll use it to make marks in the gesso.”

He stills when Yeosang’s gaze met his.

“I have no idea what you want to do with all this…” he gestures.“Stuff, but I’m there for it.Are you okay with me staying?”

Seonghwa blinks.He’s not used to having anyone in his space for extended periods of time, especially not when he’s making art and lost in the flow of it.But somehow, Yeosang’s presence doesn’t bother him. 

“Yeah, I’m okay with you here.Unless you have something else to do?”

“No. Today I promised myself to get some set work done and I got most of that done this morning, so, you know. I can leave if you want the studio to yourself?”

“Actually.”Seonghwa looks at him.“I have a favour to ask you.”

Yeosang stills.“A favour?”

“I want to buy a small inexpensive sewing machine.”

“What.”

The flatness in Yeosang’s voice makes Seonghwa laugh. 

“Your face, bro.Jesus.”

But Yeosang shifts and crosses his arms over his chest.“Why on this green earth do you want a sewing machine?”

“So I can sew stuff together?” Seonghwa turns around. “Let me show you.”

He rummages in one of the crates near the table and comes out with a sheaf of papers and a book.A magazine.

“I want to try and do something like this.With these.”

 _These_ are small pieces of art he’s created over the years on a variety of substrates.And _this_ is an article in the art magazine about binding your own art into journals.Yeosang takes the magazine from him to look at the article.

“I mean, you don’t really need a sewing machine.It’ll be a waste of money and you don’t really have the space.You can always just borrow one of mine.I’ll buy you your own set of needles to use.”

It’s Seonghwa’s turn to look surprised.

“What, no. I mean, your machines make clothes.”

“Yes, that’s why I’m buying you your own set of needles. I’ll teach you how to use the machine too.Paper blunts sharp needles.” A thought occurs to him and he stares at Seonghwa, eyes narrowed.“On one condition.”

“What?”

“You do not touch my scissors.If you come near my scissors with your paper, the police will never find your body.I have my ways and I definitely have the means.” Yeosang steps closer and Seonghwa finds himself backed up against his table.“Swear it.”

He licks his lips.He should not be turned on right now, but he is.Deadly intent Yeosang is something else. He blinks, drops his gaze to Yeosang’s mouth, so near his own, swallows with difficulty. 

“Uh, yeah, sure. I swear I won’t touch your scissors.”

Yeosang stays in his space like that for a little while, leaning forward, pressing Seonghwa back probably knowing full well what he was doing to Seonghwa, but then he steps back, his face back to normal, an almost smile on his lips again.

“Good,” he nods.“We can work on binding your art during the week.”

Seonghwa lets out a huff.

“I have never met anyone that intense about scissors before,” he admits and Yeosang’s eyes narrow.

“My scissors are incredibly expense.I won’t even let my professor touch them.”

“Okay.” Seonghwa holds up his hands in defeat.“No touching your stuff.I get it.Bloody hell.”

Yeosang nods, seemingly happy with that, sinking down amongst his cushions again. 

“Okay, now stop procrastinating and make art. I want to see what you come up with after seeing that,” he gestures vaguely to the stuff on the table.

“If you’re going to nag me, I will kick you out.”

Yeosang smirks and Seonghwa does a double take. He is being so cute, omg. “You won’t. You like me.”

“Why did I ever admit that?” Seonghwa mutters to himself as he hides himself behind his easel, but there’s a grin tugging at his mouth.“I must have been high.”

“Yah, I heard that, _Chad_. _”_

 _“_ Shut up, _pretty thing_. I’m trying to art hard.”

An answering snort makes him chuckle and he spins his paint brush between his fingers as if it’s a drumstick, contemplating the prepared canvas.And then he starts.

***

Yeosang watches Seonghwa in-between finishing off his homework and sketching.The boy looks so comfortable in his skin that Yeosang can’t help but admires it.He’s wearing another atrocious pair of shorts and a top that no one should be allowed to even sell.It’s basically two strips of fabric sewed together at the shoulders, leaving far too much skin on display. 

Seonghwa’s studio is hot though, and he understand why he’s dressed like that, but even so. It’s just not good for the community as a whole, he thinks.That much muscle, flashes of abs and shoulders on display could cause accidents.It shouldn’t be allowed, basically.In fact, no, he decides.Not even allowed, it should be banned.Illegal. 

And Yeosang thinks that if it were illegal he’d be the one being locked up because Seonghwa is beautiful and he cannot stop staring at him.There’s a part of Yeosang that wishes he could sketch the way he seems to do so effortlessly, but his own sketches as he watches Seonghwa moves is all about fluidity and grace.Seonghwa moves like silk feels, Yeosang thinks to himself.He watches as Seonghwa shifts his stance behind the easel, watches his feet placement and smiles to himself.Seonghwa may see himself as an artist, but he’s very much a dancer too and can’t escape the groove. Yeosang watches as his feet move and shift as he does, unconsciously following some kind of internal dance.He’s humming to himself along with the playlist and his voice is low and deep.

Yeosang likes him.He likes how honest Seonghwa is about liking him, about being affected by him and sometimes he’d find him watching Yeosang and his gaze would be so different to the way he was used to being watched. There was a want there, sure, but it somehow didn’t feel invasive or abrasive.It was tentative and kind and warm.It was the kind of look that spoke of lazy mornings, sunny days and blue skies, shared kisses and being soft soft soft.

Yeosang huffs to himself, quietly, so that he doesn’t distract the other boy from making art. He wasn’t a romantic. He couldn’t afford to be a romantic.But it felt nice, being looked at like that and being seen by a boy. 

No, he decided, not just by any boy.By Seonghwa specifically. The thought makes him smile and he turns his head away, hiding it in the crook of his elbow. He is being stupid and reckless.None of this fit in with his five year plan and he wasn’t going to throw it away just because a pair of dark eyes made his heart beat a little faster.

He holds that thought close as a reminder.He is lying on his stomach sketching, really just doing line drawings, loving how easy it was sharing this small space, with nothing to distract him. He drops his pencil to the side and closes his eyes, feeling deeply content, stretching a little.He dozes off and only wakes up when Seonghwa kneels in front of him, tugging the sketchpad and his pencils away from him.

The sun was setting and the studio was gloomy with shadows. He sits up and pushes his hair out of his eyes.

“Hey, sorry. I fell asleep again.”

“I’d say I’m sorry my company is so crappy, but you looked like you needed the sleep.”

“Yeah, well.” Yeosang arches his back, groaning when it clicks.“I don’t sleep much anyway.I mean, I fall asleep okay but then I wake up.And I can’t get back to sleep. I lie there and just think about everything and it just makes it hard to fall back asleep again.”

“Maybe you just need someone to cuddle with?” Seonghwa says and stills, his eyes huge.“Oh, I mean. Not like _that_ but, fuck shit.”

“Are you offering a bespoke cuddling service now too?” He knows he’s being terrible but he can’t help it.He keeps his expression innocent, questioning.He enjoys the usually cool Seonghwa looking a bit flustered and a lot cute.

“No?” Seonghwa scoffs. “You’re just teasing now and I don’t know if I can cope with cruel Yeosang right now.”

“Which of my many personas would you prefer right now?”

“The one who likes my art even when it’s shit.Come look.I made a mess.”Seonghwa flicks on a table lamp and adjusts the light so that it lit up the easel then he turns makes a grabby hand at Yeosang and he’s amused to see Seonghwa’s fingers are covered in golds and soft ivory paint.It’s somehow streaked along his arms and in his hair too and somehow, he’s managed to get some on his face.

“Did you roll around in your paint?” He teases as he stands up and steps over the cushions.“You’ve managed to get it on your face and in your hair.You’re like a small child, honestly.”

“Still not the Yeosang I want,” Seonghwa says, and he is definitely pouting.He’s speaking in pout and honestly, it is the cutest fucking thing.Yeosang bites his lips to stop himself from laughing.

“Okay, Hwa. Gimme a sec.”He turns away and pretends to do something to his face and turns back with an overly bright expression and a smile bordering on a rictus settled on his face.

“What the everliving hell,” Seonghwa breathes, stepping away.“That is just so fucking scary.Put that face away.Jesus.”

Yeosang creases up and laughs.“Okay, all seriousness, show me.I’ve been dying to see what you’ve been doing with all that stuff.”

He steps next to Seonghwa and stares.

He’s used to colour coming from Seonghwa. Vibrant blues and greens and reds and yellows. His paintings all evoke deep passion and a kind of tamed wildness, even the painting he did of Yeosang.This new piece is something altogether different.Not as large as the canvas he used for Yeosang, he’s covered it in a collage of papers, paints, and marks but the tones are honeyed neutrals, ivories and the faintest hints of blue.Yeosang has no idea how he’d managed to create the layers or the textures but he wants to reach out and touch, but obviously, that could be a real issue, so he just bends forward to get closer, examining the details.Seonghwa had somehow managed to dye the wool and adhered it to the centre of the canvas in the shape of person. The lace, now painted a rich honey gold, was the figure’s crown.Yeosang stares at the shape, in half profile and something shifted.It was just an outline, but Yeosang knew.

“It’s me.”

Seonghwa nods, his gaze heavy on the piece.

“It’s not like any of your other pieces.”

“I know.I wanted to challenge myself and use a limited palette.What do you think?”

Yeosang glances at him and sees him worrying at his lower lip, pinching it painfully between his thumb and forefinger.Without thinking, he reaches over and tugs Seonghwa’s hand away from his mouth and presses it down, against his side. He waits until Seonghwa looks at him, his expression wary.

“Hey, stop that looking like that.It looks great. I have no idea how you managed to do all of this,” he gestures to the canvas.“And I honestly am in awe.”

“Hmm, not sure though.” He raises his other hand and nibbles on his thumb a little, head tilted to the side, a heavy frown drawing his dark eyebrows together.

“Don’t be an ass, Hwa. Are you honestly not seeing what I’m seeing?”

Seonghwa frowns at him.“What?”

“You have taken bits of rubbish, don’t make that face, you took stuff out of the bloody BIN, and you made art from it.Incredible art.I love it. I don’t know how you did it, but I love. IT. The muted colours are inspired and just, when I look at it, it makes me feel. And that’s all we can ask of art.To make us feel.”

There a silence that stretches for some time.Seonghwa’s frowning heavily at the canvas.Then he turns to Yeosang.

“You know something? I don’t think I’ve ever heard you speak so many sentences all at once, and I think I’m in shock.” Seonghwa flinches away from Yeosang when he grabs one of his discarded paintbrushes and starts chasing him around the studio.

***

They meet everyone for dinner and drinks later.Yeosang had badgered Seonghwa into putting on clothes that weren’t _Chad_ -like and had changed too before meeting him outside his apartment building.

Seonghwa had to take a moment when Yeosang came down. He was still in black, which Seonghwa loved, but he’d opted for a light, almost sheer black button down with long sleeves and loosely tucked tucked the hem into his arty ripped skinny jeans that he’d added embroidered vintage band named patches to.He’d also added some smudged eyeliner and the faintest wisp of dark shimmery eyeshadow, making his eyes pop. He looked, Seonghwa thought without any remorse, good enough to pin down and kiss.

The walk to the restaurant is short and neither of them feel chatty.It’s enough to just walk next to one another.Seonghwa is hyper-aware of Yeosang at his side.In the past, there would be a good foot to two feet of distance between them whenever they walked anywhere.Now, now they were maybe twenty centimetres apart and the nearness is leaving him dizzy.

The restaurant is only marginally cooler and the floor to ceiling windows are pulled back, opening out onto the pavement where they’ve also put tables and chairs. 

The place is noisy but not overly crowded.The others are already there when they turn up and they quickly rearrange themselves to make place for them.Yeosang is ushered into the booth so that he sits against the wall with Seonghwa next to him.For a moment Seonghwa glances at Mingi who gives him a slow nod of the head.This was planned and he appreciated it.If Yeosang noticed how he’d been given the most secure seat, the one where he is least likely to get jostled, he gave no sign. Instead he was talking in hushed tones with San who kept glancing at Seonghwa and grinning.

Seonghwa loves how easily his friends have folded themselves around Yeosang.Hongjoong brought Yunho and Seonghwa wonders if they were back together again.Hongjoong looks happy and seems content to lean against Yunho as they wait for their food.Yunho watches Hongjoong with fierce adoration that is unmistakable.

“They are really sweet together,” Yeosang whispers in his ear.“I now understand why Hongjoong was such an asshole when I met you guys the first time.If I broke up with a boy as pretty as that, I’d be too.”

Seonghwa scoffs a little.“Don’t let him hear you call Yunho pretty.You’d be throwing hands in the street in a hot minute and I’d have to step in and fight my friend to save your pretty face.”

“Hmm, he sounds possessive.”

“Aren’t we all?” Yeosang’s eyes widen at that and he takes the chance to smirk at him. He turns his head sideways so he can whisper back into Yeosang’s ear.“Hongjoong already told you I don’t like sharing.He’s no different.”

Yeosang squirms a little in his seat but then nudges his elbow.“It’s difficult to forget.Still can’t believe you thought I was propositioning you both.What kind of people do you hang out with where that can be a thing?”

“Well,” Seonghwa says, grinning wider.“There’s a reason the dance crew has a reputation.”

“What.” Yeosang sat up straighter.“What?”It’s almost a wheeze now.His eyes shoot around the table, taking in all the others, including Jongho and Wooyoung who are whispering together like conspirators.

“Sure, ask anyone.” Seonghwa has difficultly holding in his laughter.“Hey, you guys, what rep does the dance crew have?”

“You mean, apart from being too fucking hot to handle?” San quips.

“And the best in the region?” Jongho adds, pulling away from Wooyoung with heavy lidded eyes.

“Yeah, apart from that,” Seonghwa says with a wink.

“Oh, yeah.” Mingi pretends to think for a minute.“Well, we do have the reputation of being fuckbois.But that’s not us, Sangie.I swear.We are good boys.”He presses his hands together as if in prayer and tries for an innocent look until San does something under the table and a soft gasp escapes him and his head whips to his boyfriend’s.San merely quirks an eyebrow at him and blinks innocently at Yeosang. 

“We are _very_ good boys,” he intones solemnly, making the entire table erupt with laughter.Yeosang’s expression goes from horror to amusement.

“So, the mere fact that I’m hanging out with you lot means my sterling reputation is down the drain?”

“Oh, Sangie,” Wooyoung laughs.“My poor summer child.When did you ever think you had a sterling rep?”

“Hey, I’m…” he seems to think about it for a second.“Okay, well, there was this one time where I did punch a guy…and then made out with his boyfriend.”

There’s silence for a moment and then noise erupted again with people yelling to know more.

“First Year Yeosang was a bit much,” he confessed with a blush.“I’ve come a long way, okay.”

“No, but wait a minute.” Seonghwa is now fully intrigued.“ _You made out with his boyfriend_?”

 _“_ In his defence, my roomie was off his face drunk,” Wooyoung explained.“And he punched the guy because the guy got grabby.”

“It was not the best moment of my young life,” Yeosang admitted, his colour high. “It was a learning experience.”

“What I’m taking from this is that Yeosang is a mean drunk and we should positively get him drunk,” San says, wiggling his eyebrows.

“No,” Yeosang whines, covering his face with both hands.“No, there’s a reason I don’t drink anymore.”

“Is it because you kiss boys you’re not supposed to kiss?” Seonghwa teases and he can feel Yeosang sliding further down the seat in mortification next to him.It is the funniest thing ever and Seonghwa struggles to keep his face straight, raising a questioning eyebrow.“Sangie, enquiring minds need to know.”

“Fuck enquiring minds,” Yeosang mutters from behind his hands covering his face.“Stop talking right now or I’ll go find other hot guys to wear my clothes.”

This elicits more laughter from everyone.Seonghwa smiles down at him and nudges his shoulder a little. Everyone is now talking about their various drunk escapades leaving the two of them alone for the time being.

“It’s okay, pretty thing,” he murmurs.“This is a judgement free table. If you get drunk and make out with cute boys that’s none of our business _at all_.”

"It was just a long time ago. I had no clue what I was doing.”

Seonghwa nods, his expression grave because of Yeosang’s tone.“Okay.”

“Okay.” Yeosang offers him a small quirk of his lips.“I was really stupid back then. But it was Halloween and we got so hammered.”

“It’s fine, Yeosang.” Seonghwa pressed his thigh against Yeosang’s under the table.“I get it. You don’t have to explain yourself.”

“No, but I want to. I’d like you to know.” He swallows and takes a sip of his beer, fiddling with the condensation on the glass.“I was really not in a good place in my first year. I’d not ever had the freedom before and I did some stupid shit. I partied a lot, I took risks.I’m not proud of it, but it just felt so fucking good to let go, you know?”

“Yeah, I know.” Seonghwa tries not to think about the stupid shit he had gotten up to in his first year of college.But then Yeosang was talking again, soft and intent.

“It got really bad.By the time halloween came round, I felt like I had been cut loose.Nothing mattered anymore and only alcohol helped, the occasional line or weed or whatever. We went to this party and Wooyoung dressed me in that shirt and collar and towed me around and I was having fun, or I thought I was. I was drunk and high and I was dancing and laughing. I felt good, but I also felt so empty, like nothing I did would ever fill this gap I had sitting under my ribs. I drank more, I smoked more.Then this asshole came up to me and started pressing himself against me. He got hold of the chain and started dragging me away, towards one of the bedrooms and something just…flipped in my head.I punched him so hard that I think I broke some of his teeth.” He held up his fist so that Seonghwa could see the marks on his knuckles.There was a faint scar there and he pressed his lips together and resisted the urge to run a finger over the scar.“Then I walked away, leaving him bleeding, and I found the guy he was with.I made out with him, while he watched and then I took his boyfriend home and let him fuck me.”

Seonghwa tries to keep his breathing level as Yeosang speaks, his breath ghosting his ear, hot and urgent, his words tripping over themselves as if telling Seonghwa suddenly is the most important thing in the world right now, like it could save him.Seonghwa aches, it’s a real physical thing, and he presses into Yeosang’s side and he’s not sure if he’s doing it to ground Yeosang or himself.Either way, it seems to help them both and Yeosang drops his hand to his lap and presses his fingers against Seonghwa’s knee, just for a moment, then its gone again.

“Fuck, Sangie.I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t,” he breathes, still turned away from the others, face almost pressed to Seonghwa’s shoulder and neck.“Don’t pity me.”

“I’m not. I’m sorry that you were so alone in the first instance. You don’t deserve feeling that way.No one does.”He catches those hazel eyes in a steady gaze.“You know you’ve got me now, right?”

Yeosang stares at him in silence for the longest time.Not looking away, not even when the waitress bustles up with a large platter holding their food. 

“Right?” He prompts again, a little more insistent.

Yeosang nods, short and abrupt, expression so serious. “Yeah, I know.”

They stare at one another for a few more seconds, then Yeosang turns his head away purposefully.Seonghwa lets go of the breath he didn’t realise he was holding and eased away from Yeosang’s side, but Yeosang just shook his head.

“Don’t, it’s fine. Stay.”

Seonghwa stills and felt himself flush at the quiet words and so he does. He stays pressed up against Yeosang as they eat and joke with their friends.If anyone noticed the intense quiet conversation they had no one mentioned it, but Seonghwa caught Mingi and San staring at him a little hard a few times but chose not to say or do anything about it. 

So if he’s maybe a little quiet and distracted throughout dinner, and refuses to go on to a club afterwards, then so be it.Yeosang also begs off, and they leave together, as usual after much whistling and catcalling from the group.Yeosang doesn’t seem to mind and flips them off behind his back as he falls into step beside Seonghwa.

“Is this our thing now?” Yeosang asks turning to look at Seonghwa.

“What?”

“You walking me home?”

Seonghwa smiles.“It feels very old fashioned, I like it.”

Yeosang is quiet for a minute but then he smiles softly too and Seonghwa stares.Because damn.

“Yeah, I like it too.I keep wondering if I should invite you up for coffee?”

“Who drinks coffee at this time of the night?” But then he realises what Yeosang said and the implication and his eyes go wide. “Oh what? No, I mean.No?”

Yeosang is laughing at him now. It’s a quiet sweet laugh.The cute one that makes him bend forward a little, wrapping his arm around himself, hand pressed against his mouth.

“God, Hwa, your face.How do you get flustered every single time?”

“I don’t know. You make me so confused, goddddddd.” Seonghwa doesn’t mind the laugh or the fact that he’s blushing.He doesn’t mind any of it because Yeosang is smiling at him like he’s a delight.

“Or if not coffee, maybe I should ask you how you like your eggs in the morning?”

Seonghwa makesa sound like a dying seagull and Yeosang actually has to stop in the middle of the street to sink down on his knees he’s laughing so much. 

“Oh god, I’m sorry, Hwa.” His words are gasped out and he reaches out, blindingly, gripping Seonghwa’s wrist where he’s standing in front of him.“I’ll stop now.”

“No, it’s fine. You clearly want me to die an early death, that’s fine.Here likes Seonghwa, felled by a pretty boy’s cruel teasing.Avenge him.”

“Farewell, Hwa. It was fun.”

Seonghwa assumes a martyred expressession, rolling his gaze up to the dark skies.

“I will now go, bravely into that dark night.Remember me fondly.”He lightly shakes off Yeosang’s hand and shuffles further along the pavement in a sideways move that somehow Yeosang finds even funnier and he’s laughing harder at him. But then he sits back on his heels and stares at Seonghwa for a second before throwing his head back and wailing.

“Noooo, my love, come back to me,” He gasps, lifting both hands in plea.“I am sorry I was being cruel.I promise I’ll stop.”

“No, you killed me dead,” Seonghwa says, ignoring the looks they were getting from passersby.“Your utter disregard for my poor hearthas slayed me.”

“Oh I’m so sorry.”Yeosang tilted his head back up to look at him where he’s come to stand over him again.“Forgive me?”

And Seonghwa is lost.They’re in public and Yeosang is on his knees and there are tears on his face, and he looks so beautiful in the light.He looks like sin begging for forgiveness. 

“Sure,” Seonghwa says, his voice suddenly too serious to match the laughter still in the air.He leans down and sees Yeosang’s eyes change from being filled with mirth to something else, some dark and heavy. “I’ll forgive you anything.” He puts both hands on Yeosang’s elbows and lifts him back onto his feet and Yeosang makes a soft startled noise in the back of his throat and tilts his head up to look at Seonghwa.“You know I’ve got you, no matter what.”

Yeosang doesn’t answer but he gives a brief nod, his eyes heavy on Seonghwa’s lips, then his eyes.

They fall into step again, without speaking, and Seonghwa pushes his hands deeper into the pockets of his jeans.They come to a junction and someone jostles into them and Yeosang mutters something under his breath as he shifts closer to him and then, when the green man blinks, he stays at Seonghwa’s side, closer than before, arms brushing.

Seonghwa expects him to step away once there’s more space and they’re away from the crowd at the junction but he doesn’t.

“Hwa?”

“Yes, pretty?”

“I told you that story about my first year because I wanted you to know how fucked up I was.” He bit his lip.“I’m not proud of it, but Jesus, I was so fucked up. I still am.But not like _that_ anymore.”

“You’re not fucked up, Yeosang.We all go crazy our first year.I mean, I did some stupid shit my first year.Like, one time I woke up passed out in some girl’s apartment.We had no idea how I got there and she didn’t even remember me being at her house party.So, you know, we all did Stupid shit.”

“Did you sleep with her?”

“I honestly can’t say if I did.I doubt it though. I’ve never, as far as I know, had sex with a woman.”

“Yeah, me either.”

A smile he doesn’t try to hide forms around Seonghwa’s lips.“Well, that’s good to know.”

“Why are you okay with what I did? I got a reputation, in my first year.I worked hard since to leave it behind, but I was such a fucking mess.I’d fuck whoever I wanted, let them fuck me. I smoked, I drank too much, I did drugs.”

Seonghwa stopped walking, turning so he could face Yeosang.He was close, crowding him a little, but Yeosang stood his ground, tilting his chin up to meet his eyes. 

“It’s not who you are now, right? You’re not self-destructive anymore?” At Yeosang’s headshake he continued. “That boy in the past, that broken boy has found something to anchor him, to make him feel better and dig deep.I don’t know what that is, but I look at the now-you and I see someone who is beautiful, clever, sharp, funny, courageous, talented. So many things, fuck. I look at you and I am in awe that you even bother hanging out with me.”

“Hwa,” Yeosang starts but Seonghwa pushes him a little further back towards the low wall bordering a small park.

“No.I’m not finished.When I tell you I don’t care about what you did your first year, obviously I mean I care, because it’s you and you could have been hurt so badly.But you were lonely, scared and I get it.You were trying to cope as best you could.Fuck, do I get it.” He runs both hands over his face and through his hair before dropping them to his side. “ But here’s the thing about your past, it’s helped make who you are right now and I have never met anyone as dedicated, as focussed and…” his mind refused to give him another word and he groaned.“Just so fucking perfect, okay? I need you to understand this, okay?.”

Yeosang stares at him utterly silent, barely breathing. Then he moves forward, the smallest of distances and calmly raised both arms and puts them tentatively around Seonghwa’s shoulders, leaning back a little so he can see his face.

“Is this okay?”

Seonghwa nods at the soft question and waits as Yeosang’s arms settle around his shoulders and then he’s pressing himself against Seonghwa in a full body hug.Seonghwa doesn’t move for few heartbeats, then he tentatively raises both hands and places them lightly on Yeosang’s hips.He doesn’t pull, he doesn’t tug him closer, he just holds him in place and lets Yeosang have this, leaving him completely in control. It feels like a lot and Seonghwa is happy to just let it happen.

“Thank you.” Yeosang pulls back, and Seonghwa misses him immediately but he drops his hands to his side and smiles at him. 

“If I get hugs for being nice to you, just tell me and I’ll keep doing it.”

“You are a terrible flirt, Hwa.”But Yeosang’s pleased expression takes any sting out of his words.

“I am not,” Seonghwa mock-gasps, clutching at his heart.“I resent that complete and utter lie. I am the best at flirting. And at being hugged.”

They start walking again, slower this time.It’s more of a meander.Seonghwa tries not to think too much of it that Yeosang is right next to him, close enough to feel his body heat and the way he smells.

“You smell nice,” he says.“Not just tonight, but always.What do you use?”

“This is not what I expected you to say,” Yeosang answers him.“But then you tend not to do the expected.I like that.”

Seonghwa nods, as it makes complete sense, which it doesn’t.

“So, why do you smell pretty?”

“Well, I shower often…”

“Yah, don’t be an ass.How do you go from cute and sweet to a complete brat in like five seconds flat.”

“It’s a skill.”

“Hmm.”In answer Seonghwa leans close, his nose almost pressed against Yeosang’s temple.“Nice.”

“It’s cologne, from the UK. It’s a British brand, I forget the name.But I like the scent.”

“Me too. It makes me think of deep forests. You know, the kind I mean, where the trees are so tall they hide the sky.” He tilts his head back and drops his hand back down when he realises he’s reaching up to the sky with one hand.“It’s dark and earthy.It makes me want to paint you in a forest.”

Seonghwa notices Yeosang watching him intently after a few paces.

“What? Do I have food on my face or…?”

“You talk with your whole body, when you describe something, do you know that?”

“Uhm,” Seonghwa says because he is eloquent.

“It’s sweet. I like it.”

And he has no comeback for that so he just keeps quiet and smiles to himself, quietly pleased and happy. 

They get to Yeosang’s apartment and he turns to look at him intently.

“So, how _do_ you like your eggs in the morning, Hwa?”

“Oh my god, Yeosang.Shut up.”And he grabs his shoulders and spins him around and shoves him a little towards the building’s door.“Go, go sleep.”

Yeosang huffs a little.

“Fine, I’ll go.The rejection hurts, I’ll have you know that.”

“Yeah, I hear you.It’s not you, it’s me, pretty thing.”Seonghwa winks and is rewarded with another real grin. 

“Text me?”

“I will.”

“Night, Hwa.Thanks for today. I had fun.”

“Me too.”

Seonghwa turns to go but looks back to see Yeosang watching him from the open door.

“Sorry to see you go but love seeing you leave,” he calls out loudly, making a few girls passing by stare and then burst out laughing.

“What? Did you just…did you just make a comment about my ass?”Seonghwa tries for shocked but he’s laughing too hard.“You are a terrible human, Yeosang.Are you even human?”

“Yah!” He shouts back, gesturing.“Go home.You rejected me.But text me later.”

“Maybe.”

With that, he waves at him and leaves.He’s still smiling when he gets to his own apartment.He finds the switches for the aircon and prays that it would work. The apartment was warm, having been closed up for most of the day. He has another shower, because it’s still ungodly hot, and as he falls back onto his bed in boxers, he shoots Yeosang a message.

**Seonghwa**

Home!

And I had a shower!

And I have green tea.

I am an adult.

I might even get to sleep before 3a.m.

**Yeosang**

Sounds good.

Insomnia sux.

**Seonghwa**

Preach it.

Hey.

**Yeosang**

Wot?

**Seonghwa**

Are you ok?

**Yeosang**

…

I am, actually.

Thank you for asking.

**Seonghwa**

Good.

Thanks for telling me stuff.

**Yeosang**

Yeah.

I just.

You know.

I wanted you to know that I wasn’t always like this.

This uptight about being around people and noise.

And being touched.

**Seonghwa**

It’s okay.

You know that right?

I’m not just saying it.

You do know that it’s okay?

That, as much I like you, I’m your friend first and I respect your boundaries.

**Yeosang**

….

Holy fuck.

**Seonghwa**

??????

Sangie? Are you okay?

**Yeosang**

Yeah, you just.

*gestures weakly*

How are you real?

**Seonghwa**

I’m just checking now.

Yeah, I’m real.

Fuck, that hurt tho.

**Yeosang**

Do I want to know what you just did?

**Seonghwa**

<image>

Pinched myself.

I think it’s gonna bruise.

**Yeosang**

…

You are trying to kill me, right.

Like.

ded.

**Seonghwa**

??

**Yeosang**

Look at the picture you just sent me, Hwa.

Look at it properly.

**Seonghwa**

Okay?

What? It’s my hip???

**Yeosang**

It’s your mf *naked* torso and hip.

With your abs on display.

Like, there are people who’d pay good money for this shit.

**Seonghwa**

Pretty thing, are you blushing?

**Yeosang**

Honestly, I can’t with you rn.

**Seonghwa**

You’re blushing.

I know it.

Hahaha. OmG.

I’m sorry. 

**Yeosang**

You sound it.

**Seonghwa**

No, but I am.

I’m sorry I’m not there to see you blushing.

It’s cute.

you're cute

**Yeosang**

Ugh.

I hate being called cute.

**Seonghwa**

But you don’t mind me calling you pretty thing?

**Yeosang**

Because it’s you, I don’t mind it.

**Seonghwa**

That’s kinda hot.

**Yeosang**

I know.

It makes me feel good.

Special.

I don’t know why.

**Seonghwa**

Fuck.

Yeosang.

My stomach just did this swoop.

Like I’ve just done a drop on a roller coaster.

**Yeosang**

I’m just hot all over.

My face is burning up.

**Seonghwa**

We are the worst at flirting.

**Yeosang**

Or the best.

Do you know we spent almost the entire day together?

And most of yesterday. 

And last night we slept together in your studio.

And we are STILL talking?

**Seonghwa**

It’s something.

Us.

We’re something.

**Yeosang**

I’m a little scared.

**Seonghwa**

Hey.

Don’t be.

This doesn’t have to go further, okay?

It’s up to you entirely.

I’ll be your friend regardless.

I’m not that fucking fickle that I’d walk away from our friendship.

**Yeosang**

You are too good for me.

**Seonghwa**

….

Hey, pretty thing?

**Yeosang**

Yeah?

**Seonghwa**

I can see your mind working.

Because I’m psychic.

Stop overthinking this.

We are okay.

I’m on your side for whatever you decide, okay?

…

….

Sangie, why aren’t you answering?

I know you read my message.

**Yeosang**

Sorry, I’m justdebating with myself.

**Seonghwa**

Do you want me to call you?

**Yeosang**

No.

**Seonghwa**

Then what?

**Yeosang**

Can I come over?

**Seonghwa**

What?

Now?

**Yeosang**

Yes.

**Seonghwa**

Yes, of course.

**Yeosang**

Okay.

Cu in 20.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapters are getting longer? Holy smokes, this one is clocking in at just under 11k. I hope you like it! 
> 
> The next one is well under way and I'll work on it this weekend. 
> 
> Thanks again for the comments (omg, you guys!? <3) and the kudos.

Yeosang gets there in less than ten.He grabbed a taxi and when Seonghwa lets him in, he’s breathless anyway, like he ran all the way there.His eyes are huge and he looks a little wild and there’s a determined set to his mouth. He drops his backpack on the ground and kicks off his shoes and turns to look at Yeosang who’s staring at him, eyes raking over him.Yeosang’s dressed for sleep, a soft black t-shirt that is now more grey than black and loose track pants.

“Hey,” Seonghwa says, finding his words like functioning adult.“You’re here.”

“I am.Are you okay?”

Seonghwa wants to laugh.Was _he_ okay? This kid and his concern for others.

“I’m a hundred and ten percent okay.”

“Okay, good.” Yeosang looks around the open plan area with it’s kitchen, counter and living room.“Nice place.”

Seonghwa barely looks over his shoulder, he is intently looking at Yeosang, trying to figure out what was going on.

“Thanks.You want something to drink?”

“Water is fine, thanks.”

Seonghwa nods, gestures to the counter and chairs.“Sure, grab a seat.”

“Where’s Hongjoong?”

“He messaged. He’s staying with Yunho tonight.”

“So, we’re alone?”

Seonghwa hands him the glass of water he’s poured him from the fridge. He watches as Yeosang runs his fingers through the condensation on the outside of the glass and gives a little shiver for no real reason apart from thinking numbly _his hands are so nice_.

“Yeah.Do you want to watch a movie or…?”

“No.”Yeosang gulps the water down, puts the glass down a little hard.Seonghwa can see his hands shaking.He moves back so he’s pressed against the kitchen sink, putting more distance between them in case it was him making Yeosang nervous.

“No, I don’t want to watch a movie.”

“Okay.We can game? I’ve got Mortal Kombat ready to go on the PS4? We can,” his looks around their bookcases.“Play Jenga? Or poker, I’m sure we’ve got a deck of cards somewhere.”

“No.Seonghwa, please.” Yeosang runs a hand through his hair and leans forward on his elbows, leaning heavily on the counter.

“I don’t know what you want if you don’t tell me,” Seonghwa says. He was having difficulty breathing.Yeosang here, in his space, was unexpected but welcome.God, he wanted to just hold him so badly.

“I don’t know what I want,” he says, simply.He lifts his head to look at Seonghwa. “I feel so fucking lost.”

“Okay,” Seonghwa nods.“That’s something we can work with. Did something happen to make you feel like this?”

“You…,” Yeosang says.“You came home.”

“Okay?”

“And _I_ was alone at home, sitting in my room, in the fucking dark, like some emo kid from the 90’s, and we were texting and flirting and I don’t know.” He presses a hand to his chest.“Here, in here it just gaped open and I felt like I was falling. I don’t know what’s going on and I feel scared.”

“Yeosang, hey, can you look at me for a minute?”

Seonghwa waits until his eyes are on him.

“I would like to touch you, but if you tell me to fuck off, I will, I swear on…my favourite brushes.”

That brings a smile to Yeosang’s lips.It’s tremulous but it’s there. 

“Okay, sure.I know how much you love your brushes.”

Seonghwa walks around the kitchen counter and turns the lights off as he goes.He stops in front of Yeosang where he’s seated on the barstool, his legs spread.He steps between them, moving slowly, keeping his eyes on Yeosang all the while. 

“We good?” He asks him and gets a slow nod in answer.Encouraged he leans forward and pulls Yeosang to his chest, a hand on the back of his neck and the other resting lightly against the small of his back.He presses the softest of kisses to his temple before pressing his cheek against his. “I got you, baby, you know that.”

At his soft murmur the stiffness in Yeosang’s posture disappears and he melts against Seonghwa, leaning further into him, pressing his head into his neck, his arms coming around his waist.

“Yes, this,” Yeosang whispers to no one in particular.“This is what I wanted.Thank you.”

They stay like that for a while.The room beyond is in shadows with the lights from the street outside creating pools of shadows. Seonghwa inhales deeply, his mind full of Yeosang, his body thrumming.He gently moves his hand up Yeosang’s neck, into his hair and tugs at the strands there, lightly, to get his attention.

“Sangie, pretty thing.Do you want to go to bed?”

“To sleep?”

“Whatever you want.”

“Please.”

Seonghwa smiles into his hair and leans down to lift Yeosang up.Yeosang makes a little gasp of surprise but he wraps his legs around Seonghwa’s waist and pushes back a little to look him in the eye, his expression surprised.

“I can walk, Hwa.”

“I know.This is just easier and I can keep you safe.”

Seonghwa walks them into his room and kicks the door shut.He’s grateful to his past self for tidying his room in the week and for changing his bedding.He kneels on the bed with one knee and gently lays Yeosang down on his back.

“There, now none of the lava monsters could get you.”

“Lava monsters?”

“Oh for sure. They live under the carpet. If you step wrong, they grab you and drag you down.That’s why you have to be very careful when you walk around at night.”

“Jesus, you’re weird.”Yeosang is staring up at him.He’s not moved and he still has his arms lightly around Seonghwa’s neck. 

“So are you, so whatever.”Seonghwa smiles and reaches up to unlock his arms from around his neck.“Sleeping, right?”

“Cuddling too, possibly?”

“Sure.” He glances at Yeosang’s tracksuit bottoms.“You gonna sleep in that?”

“What do you usually sleep in?”

“Boxers. It’s too hot, even with the aircon on.”

“Fuck, of course, yes.I remember now.”

Seonghwa snorts.“So I’m just going to…like take my clothes off now, okay?”

Yeosang nods at him and clears his throat. “Yeah, I’ll do the same, over here.”

And then Seonghwa desperately wants to turn his back because…Yeosang, the little shit, just wiggles his ass around and takes off his tracksuit bottoms and he looks so good squirming around on his bed, that Seonghwa’s brain decides to malfunction.Then he sits up and he pulls his t-shirt off and Seonghwa’s knees almost buckle.Yeosang is lithe and lightly muscled. He’s all long limbs and clear smooth pale skin. His boxers are black, of course they are, but they ride low on his hips, and there’s a tantalising view of the v that is Seonghwa’s personal kryptonite.

“What side?”

“Pardon?” No brain, just full of Yeosang lying on his bed, propped up on both elbows staring at him.He obviously has no idea what he looks like and Seonghwa is finding it very hard to function and not just pounce on him.So he swallows and wets his lips, eyes on Yeosang’s face, keeping it all above the the waistline, sunshine.

“What side of the bed do you sleep on?”

“Oh, uh, the uh, the right side.”

“Okay.”Yeosang then squirms his way towards the left side of the bed and Seonghwa closes his eyes, pulls off his own track pants he’d put on just before Yeosang got there, along with his t-shirt.On his way to the bed, he turns off the overhead lights but leaves the soft bedside light on. 

He had never felt this awkward getting onto his own bed, but Yeosang is lying on his side, watching him carefully.So he lies down on his back, left arm tucked under his head, the other resting lightly on his stomach. He exhales deeply before turning his head to look at Yeosang.

“So, now that I’ve got you in my bed…”

“To sleep,” Yeosang helpfully reminds him.

“To sleep, got it.You have to pay a toll though.”

“What? We didn’t agree on that.”

Seonghwa points to the door, fighting a grin.“Then you can just go.”

“Ugh, fine.What’s the toll?” Full on pout and an eyeroll. This kid.

“The toll is that you have to…” he glances around his room.“Cuddle my Captain America plushie.”

“What, no? That is outrageous. I refuse. If you make me, I will cut holes in all your clothes.”

Seonghwa can’t help his chuckle. “Okay, no toll then.Just sleep with maybe some cuddles.”

“Fine, if you insist.” As if this wasn’t his idea.Seonghwa’s grin widens.

Seonghwa flips the bedside lamp’s switch and the room is plunged into darkness.He listens to Yeosang’s even breathing for a few long seconds, before he feels his bed dip a little.Yeosang’s hands are surprisingly cool and he holds very still as he feels Yeosang’s hand find his where he’s got it curled on his stomach.He spreads his fingers and lets Yeosang slide his fingers through his.

“This okay?”

“Hmm,” he mutters, his heart fluttering against his ribs. 

“Night, Hwa.”

“Night, baby.”

He can feel Yeosang’s smile even in the dark and grins to himself. He’s still smiling by the time he drops off to sleep.

***

Yeosang wakes up slowly.The room he’s in is lit with predawn light and the boy sleeping next to him mutters something soft and low, something he can’t quite make out.Seonghwa’s on his side, facing him, much like the previous night at the studio.This time he holds one of Yeosang’s hands against his chest, fingers lightly linked together. They’re so close that Yeosang can make out every single eyelash where they rest on his cheeks.His lips are lightly parted and they look plush and full, flushed with colour.

Careful not to jostle him, or their linked hands, Yeosang leans forward just enough for their lips to touch. It’s barely there, the kiss. It’s a whisper, a dream, and it’s enough for now.He lies back down and closes his eyes, content. 

“Was nice,” Seonghwa says, quietly. His eyes were heavy lidded, staring at Yeosang, making his stomach flip. “Was it real? Or dream?”

Yeosang swallows against a suddenly dry throat.“Can it be both?”

“Yes.”

“Then it was both.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

“It’s early.”

“Too early.And it’s Sunday.”

“More sleep.”

And when Yeosang nods, Seonghwa gives him a sleepy smile. “Okay, good.Cuddle with me.”

And Yeosang’s breath leaves his lungs a little like a gasp as Seonghwa turns him on his side and tucks him against him so that his back is flush against his chest.

“‘Is this okay?” He still sounds sleepy, his voice rough and it shouldn’t affect Yeosang the way it does.He finds that he has no voice, so he just nods against him and gets lips pressed against his hair in response, Seonghwa’s nose dragging against his neck.“Okay, good.This is good. You smell so nice.”

Yeosang lies quiet in his arms, his thumb tracing circles over Seonghwa’s hand where he has it resting flush against the skin of his stomach. And so he falls asleep again, tucked in the arms of a boy who has somehow managed to scale his defences without even really trying.And the weird thing is, he was starting to be okay with it.

***

Seonghwa makes them a breakfast of omelette, quick grilled veg and rice. They eat whilst watching morning cartoons.It was hot already and the air-conditioning unit had given up the ghost and they’ve opened all the windows.To Yeosang’s horror and Seonghwa’s amusement, he was in one of Seonghwa’s godawful Chad shorts and a borrowed shirt.He had to admit that they were cooler than his jeans but they were just ugly.

When Seonghwa’s done drinking his coffee, he pulls his legs up to his chest and drops his head onto his knees.

“I’m so tired.Why am I so tired?”

“Have you slept much this past week?” Yeosang ask him as he twists to the side a little at his side so he can push his fingers through Seonghwa’s hair, the gesture thoughtless, and Seonghwa tries not to lean into the touch too much.

“No, not really. I never sleep much but it’s been really bad lately.”

“Lie down,” Yeosang instructs, leaning over him to put his finished mug of coffee on the table. “It’s still early.Sleep some more.”

“What will you do?”

“I’ll watch tv.What movies do you have?”

“We’ve got Netflix.”

They spend a few minutes finding a movie to watch then Yeosang settles back against the couch and he pats his legs. “Come on, just don’t drool on me.” And so Seonghwa shifts his body down and lies with his head in his lap. 

“We’ve gone from no touching to lots of touching, pretty.Are you okay with this?”

“It’s you,” Yeosang says by way of explanation as he drops a hand lightly to Seonghwa’s shoulder.“I don’t mind. I know you won’t hurt me.”

And that makes Seonghwa’s heart clench because what the actual fuck. What had this boy had to endure in the past?

“Jesus, Sangie.”

“Shhh.” He pushes a finger against Seonghwa’s lips.“The movie is starting.Sleep.”

Seonghwa watches exactly two minutes of the movie before he’s drifting off.He wakes a few times, but Yeosang’s hands are on him, brushing lightly over his shoulders and neck or running through his hair and it is so soothing, he lets himself fall back asleep.

He doesn’t hear Hongjoong come in but when he wakes up fully, Hongjoong is sitting on the floor and he’s chatting quietly to Yeosang as if they’d known one another all their lives. Hongjoong notices him watching him and grins.

“Hey, sleeping beauty awakens.You want something to drink? I brought beer.”

“Uh, no. What time is it?”

“Almost two.”

“In the afternoon?” He sits up blearily.“Jesus.”

“You needed it,” Yeosang says and stands up, easily stepping over Hongjoong’s outstretched legs, carelessly flicking his forehead.“But god, you’re heavy.And I need to pee.”

Seonghwa watches him go, looks at Hongjoong who is muttering under his breath and rubbing his forehead.That flick was such a bro-move, something he’d never seen Yeosang do towards anyone, that he’s a bit taken aback.But Hongjoong catches his eye and stares at him.

“What?” He asks, jerking his chin.“What you got to say?”

“Nothing, Hwa.This is just super interesting,” he says, quirking one perfectly sculpted eyebrow.“What’s going on with you two?”

“Hmm, I’m not sure.” He doesn’t blush, he fights it somehow, but he feels like he wants to curl his shoulders forward and hug this warm feeling inside him.

“Coco looks gone on you. He literally growled at me when I came in and threatened me with violence if I woke you up. In my own apartment.”

Seonghwa grins at that and wanders into the kitchen to put the kettle on.

“How’s Yunho?”

“Fucked.” Hongjoong grins with no remorse.“Thoroughly fucked.”

“TMI, bro, TMI.”

“Is it though?”Hongjoong stretches himself out on the couch, looking smug.

“I don’t want to hear about your sexcapades. No one does.”

“Yah, it’s nothing you’ve not walked in on before.”

“Which is why I am both mentally and emotionally scarred, for life.”

“I fully expected to walk in on something this morning. Not chaste cuddling on the couch.”

“I’m not the pervert in this household,” Seonghwa says, turning around to look at his friend with both hands around his mug of coffee.

“Are you calling your boyfriend a pervert?” Hongjoong quips, sliding his eyes to Yeosang as he walks into the room.“Hey, Coco, Hwa is calling you names.”

Yeosang doesn’t say anything in answer and instead just walks into the kitchen, wraps a hand over Seonghwa’s where he’s holding his coffee and has him tilt the mug so he can take a small sip.Seonghwa’s breath leaves his body as he watches Yeosang’s lips and the slow wink he gives him. Yeosang turns around, still very much in his space, and gives Hongjoong a look and slow smile.

“Hwa can call me anything he likes. He knows what I like.” 

“What. The. Fuck.” Hongjoong’s mouth drops open and he scrambles off the couch.“What? Seonghwa? Did you do the sex?”

In answer Yeosang just leans back against Seonghwa and watches Hongjoong struggling to parse it out.And because Seonghwa is an asshole, he’s not even sorry, he brings his free hand up and around Yeosang’s waist, pulling him tighter.He puts his mug down so that he can wrap the other arm around him too.Yeosang is very still in his arms for the briefest second, but then he gives a little sigh and a blissful smile at Hongjoong who looks like his entire world had just tilted on his axis. Seonghwa nuzzles his nose against his temple, dragging it down a little so he can press his lips to Yeosang’s ear.

“You really are chaotic evil, aren’t you, pretty thing?”

Yeosang’s answer is to blush furiously and lower his lashes demurely, before looking back up again, his lip between his teeth and then Seonghwa is laughing, letting him go and stepping away from him to give him space.He didn’t want to presume, but the way Yeosang is grinning back at him makes his insides tumble.He turns to look at his friend who is watching them with something like a pained expression. 

“Your face, Joongie, honestly.We didn’t do the sex.Calm down.”

“Yeah, Hwa said he’s saving himself for when we get married and I can respect that,” Yeosang quips and Hongjoong makes a sound like he’s dying and he drapes himself across the counter dramatically, pressing his head to the wood.

“What the fuck, you guys. I have no idea what’s going on.I’m so confused right now.”

Seonghwa pats his shoulder lightly.“That’s life, bro.Just go with it.”

Yeosang is smiling at them and turns to the cupboards.“Where’s the tea, Hwa? Hey, Hongjoong, do you want some calming camomile tea? I think you need it. You look a little stressed.”

Seonghwa sinks down on the couch, smiling to himself, as he listens to the other two banter.Hongjoong is demanding more information about what happened the night before and Yeosang being coy of course makes him assume all the things. 

It’s been over a month, he realises, as he flicks through the shows on Netflix, that he met Yeosang for the first time. It’s taken a month for them to grow this close, for the other boy to relax in his presence and he feels like he had accomplished something big. 

He drinks his coffee and watches as Yeosang perches on the chair beside Hongjoong and he likes the way they just seem to click.Hongjoong is of course talking about music and Yeosang listens intently, taking in every word. 

Seonghwa drops his hand to the art pad he keeps at the side of the couch and rummages for his pencils in the tin. The sketch is quick and dirty, the kitchen behind them a mere suggestion.He focusses on the two of them, in profile.Hongjoong gesturing and energetic as he describes a new song he’s working on, Yeosang’s expression sweet and intent, hands wrapped around his mug of tea.

And that’s how they spend Sunday afternoon, chatting, watching Netflix and generally just chilling. 

Yeosang is lightly tentative around him and Seonghwa is equally careful not to give in to his impulses and pull him into his room and press him into his sheets that smell like both of them, and kiss him breathless. Yeosang gives no indication that he’s aware of Seonghwa’s PG18 thoughts, which, damn, that’s a pity, but he is by turns equally teasing and grumpy at Hongjoong’s pestering.In the end he just turns his face against Seonghwa’s shoulder, as if hiding and kicks surprisingly accurately, at Hongjoong’s shoulder, where he’s sitting on the floor, making them both laugh at Hongjoong’s outraged protests.

It’s late afternoon when Yeosang decides to leave and Seonghwa stands up to walk him out.

“Hey,” he says, as they wait for the elevator.

“Hey yourself,” Yeosang says with a smile. 

“Don’t take this the wrong way or anything,” he says, and he hates how Yeosang seems to brace himself but he keeps his voice soft and low and somehow that seems to help a little, because he gets a small nod from him. “But I really liked having you around today.”

“You’re being so cheesy right now.I didn’t know you could be like this,” Yeosang says, shifting his backpack and scuffing his feet, but his expression is softly pleased. 

“Trust me, I’m surprising myself.”Seonghwa brushes this knuckles lightly against Yeosang’s hand.“Can I say something else?”

“Sure.”

“I liked having you in my bed.”Seonghwa is shocked at his own daring, at saying this out loud but he needed to.He needed to tell him just so that he understands. “I liked that you called me, that you came over, that you chose me.”

“Hwa, what even,” Yeosang begins but Seonghwa shakes his head. 

“No, listen, just for a minute. I know it’s hard for you to be around others. I don’t know why or what happened to you, and I don’t expect you to tell me.But last night was enough for me, okay? I love that you feel enough trust in me to be around me, to let your guard down.You make me feel like a better person when I’m around you. So.” He shrugs a little.“That’s what I wanted to say. About that.”

Yeosang is so quiet that he worries that he’s said something wrong but Yeosang eventually looks up at him and his expression is so vulnerable, Seonghwa wants. He doesn’t know what he wants. He can’t even begin to describe how full his chest is of this boy with the face and the eyes and the sweet smiles, but then his arms are suddenly full of Yeosang with his lips pressed against Seonghwa’s cheek and Seonghwa wraps his arms around him and holds him. 

“God, you just….Hwa, you just…How do you do this? How do you get under my skin like this? Fuck.” He has his lips pressed against his jaw now and Seonghwa can feel his lashes flutter against his skin, they’re pressed that close together.“I have never in my life met anyone like you.You’re unexpected. You’re too much and not enough at the same time.”

“That’s a lot, pretty thing.”Seonghwa watches the elevator door slide open and close and go to another floor.“I don’t know what we’ve got, but it feels like a lot.And it makes me feel happy, you know?”

Yeosang nods against him and steps back.He presses the button to call the elevator again.Seonghwa looks at their joined hands and smiles. 

“Can I tell you something else?”

When Yeosang looks at him, his expression is a little wild, but he nods anyway.

“I love seeing you in my clothes.” He plucks lightly at the t-shirt he had thrown at Yeosang this morning when they were getting dressed.It’s one of his favourites and it’s a bit too big on Yeosang.“It makes me feel like you’re mine, just a little bit maybe.”

“Hwa,” Yeosang says and a flush spreads sweetly over his face.“You are too much, right now.”

“Hmm.I also like how my bed smells like you.”

“Stop.”

“I like that you kissed me.”

The elevator doors open and they get in, Yeosang still holding his hand.

“God, you’re terrible.”

“I like that you fit so well against me.Like a puzzle piece that I never knew was missing.”

“You have to stop.”

“I like how you blush and that you have this smile, sometimes, when you’re secretly pleased with yourself when I tell you stuff like this.”

Yeosang rounds on him, but he’s laughing and he presses his hand over Seonghwa’s mouth.

“Stop it, goddamn,” he gasps, laughing.

Seonghwa mumbles against his hand and he presses harder, laughing more. They fake struggle and when the doors open, Yeosang is laughing out loud, one hand pressed to his side, gasping a little and Seonghwa knows without a doubt that he’s in love and he is completely okay with that.

***

The next week is busy because it’s the last week before the dance showcase and no one has time to even breathe properly between classes and practice.Yeosang somehow finds out when he has lunch and brings him food that’s not cafeteria food and the others tease them mercilessly but Yeosang turns up the next day with donuts for everyone and they declare their undying fealty to him, bowing and scraping and he seems delighted with the adulation.

On Thursday he brings Seonghwa dinner and they eat it in the dance studio, sprawled on the ground with the others.The heat isn’t letting up and the studio is hot.They’ve got the windows wide open but it makes no difference at all. 

Seonghwa lies on the ground after eating and he feels gross and hot.His hair is sticky with sweat and he wants to pant like a dog to try and alleviate how hot he’s feeling.He looks up when he sees Yeosang move at his side and reaches out lightly, to touch his knee, running a finger up, following the exposed skin.He has no idea how Yeosang manages to wear jeans when it’s this hot but then, the jeans were basically holes held together with strips of denim.It leaves large swathes of his skin bare and Seonghwa is fascinated by how his muscles move lightly below the skin.

“I miss you,” he says, surprising himself.He looks up at Yeosang’s face.“I haven’t been sleeping.”

“Me either.” Yeosang watches his finger trail feather soft over his skin and he makes no move to stop him.“I’m basically living at the workshop. I have so much to get done before I go home next week.”

“What are the plans, by the way.How do we get there?” Seonghwa shifts a little and stares at him in surprise.“You know, I have no idea where we’re going.”

“Oh, usually kidnappers don’t share that,” Yeosang says with a smile, holding a bottle of water out to him.“Hydrate, Hwa.”

“So now I’m being kidnapped?” He sits up and swallows down half the water, resisting the urge to pour most of it over his head.

Yeosang hums in answer, making no attempt to hide his pleased look.

“Kidnapping you for sure.Only, I’ll keep you in luxury.” He laughs at Seonghwa’s expression.“I can be at yours at about one, next week Friday?”

“Sounds good. I’ll be ready.”

“I’ll have you back late Sunday.There’s about and hour’s flight time, so if you want to bring any work to do on the plane, you can.”

“We’re going somewhere far enough away that we’re _flying_?”

“It’s not like I’m whisking you off to Japan for a dirty weekend,” Yeosang says, laughing and then sobers abruptly, staring at Seonghwa with big eyes. “Unless you want me to?”

“What?” Seonghwa asks but just then Mingi calls time and everyone is groaning and getting up and stretching and complaining about having to move when the air feels like soup.

“I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” Yeosang busies himself with cleaning up the takeaway containers and refuses to look up at him.“Have a good practice.Do your best.”

“Pretty thing,” Seonghwa says, his voice urgent, waving a placating hand at San who’s calling his name.“Look at me.”

Yeosang glances up at him as requested and he’s a little distracted, zipping his backpack back up again. 

“Spend Saturday night after the showcase with me? My bed doesn’t smell like you anymore.”

“Hwa, want the fuck,” he mutters, eyes wide, glancing to where San and Mingi were waiting along with the rest of the crew.

“Say yes. Please.” Seonghwa leans towards him.“I’ll make you breakfast in the morning.”

Yeosang stands then and presses his lips to Seonghwa’s cheek.“Yes, of course.All you have to do is ask.”And then he lifts his backpack over his shoulder and waves a careless hand at the others who are all gaping at him, open mouthed, and walks out of the studio, his strides long and confident, leaving a shocked silence behind.

***

Yeosang spends the night and most of the next day sewing garments.He’s got his favourite true crime podcast playing in the background and he is in the zone.He’s close to being done with the main pieces for the show and he knows he’s put together a strong cohesive collection.

Once the showcase is over and he’s back from his grandfather’s birthday celebrations, he’ll be able to work with the guys to get the show set up.He’ll be able to make any adjustments to the clothes and instruct them on how to walk to show off the clothes well.He will definitely be incorporating a dance sequence too because the clothes are definitely geared for the dramatic.. He’s looking more forward to the show than he thought he would, somehow the dancers’ enthusiasm for his clothes and their unexpected welcoming friendship had eased his fears. 

Thinking about the dancers, leads him to thinking about Seonghwa and he finds his hands stilling on the fabric. Seonghwa is something else. Yeosang had not been prepared for him. Before approaching him, he’d seen him around the campus.Always laughing, with his friends in tow, casually hanging off one or the other.He was gorgeous, of course, and he easily stood out from the group of friends to Yeosang. The friends were all tall, leggy, handsome and it was obvious that they were popular. It was when he saw San and Mingi with Seonghwa, that he knew he wanted them as his models.Getting his courage up, as someone who hated any kind of social interaction, had been nightmarish.His first impressions of Seonghwa and Hongjoong, as they lazed in the sun, had been not great, to say the least. Seonghwa had jumped off the picnic table and looked at Yeosang like he wanted to eat him alive and Yeosang had not reacted well to that.He’d been defensive, angry and annoyed but somehow, that false bravado Seonghwa employed, had dropped away and through their subsequent meet ups and talks Seonghwa had worked hard at correcting that negative image.

He’d been so careful of Yeosang, quickly picking up on how he disliked being touched by strangers, how he needed distance between himself and others.And he’d just given him the space he need without question.He’d not badgered him with questions and he’d been gently teasing but most importantly, he’d been kind.

Yeosang isn’t used to people being kind to him.His short life had been one filled with pain, fear and feelings of self-doubt, loathing of himself and others and suppressed anger.He let go of that pain and fear he carried within when he got to college, away from his family and their controlling ways.He had felt free, unfettered and what he mistook for fun was not that at all. It sharply fed into his feelings of self-loathing and he had spiralled into dark places no one should ever have to drop in to.He did not lie to Seonghwa when he told him he was fucked up.He had the journals he kept for the therapist to prove it.He knew he had issues, still, and that is why he kept himself away from situations where he knew he would struggle to maintain his calm.

Somehow Seonghwa helped.He helped him feel safe.Bright, funny, full colour, high definition Seonghwa who likes to draw and make impossible art, who blushes wildly when he teased him, who is so earnest when he tells him he liked him, who is there for him when he felt he was falling apart, who held him so carefully with those wonderfully long fingered hands of his, who looks at him as if he were something precious and worth fighting for.

Yeosang knows that he is falling for Seonghwa.And he knows he ought to put a stop to it. A part of him knows he has to walk away from him. He has to nip it in the bud before whatever he was feeling can fully take hold. But it is so hard, so fucking hard, to ignore the way Seonghwa makes him feel.Like he matters, like he could maybe have this _one thing_ , just for himself.But then he reminds himself who he is. That he did not have liberty to just fall in love with whoever he pleases. 

He has a five year plan. He doesn’t have time for boys who have big eyes full of stars, who draws him over and over, who tells him he smells like the dark deep woods.Boys like Seonghwa don’t happen to boys like him.It wasn’t some romantic comedy from TV. This was real life and yet, the memory of Seonghwa calling him ‘pretty thing’ in _that_ voice, which he only ever used for Yeosang (he knows it’s his Yeosang voice because he doesn’t talk to anyone else like that) and asking him to come sleep with him (again _that voice_ ), makes his stomach swoop low and his heart beat a bit faster.It made him lose track of his previously unwavering goals and the need to just let himself have this one thing, for once, is overwhelming.

It is after eight when his phone rings and Wooyoung grumpily reminds him that he would have dinner ready in an hour. Yeosang goes about packing up and gets home just as Wooyoung is dishing. 

“Nice of you to remember where you live.”

“Oh my god, hello mother.Did you have a good day?”

“Sit down, shut up.” Wooyoung mutters, kicking the other chair out.“I’ve missed you. I haven’t seen you in days.”

“Uh, you saw me last night, loser.”

“For like five minutes before you ran off with Hwa and left me alone.”

Yeosang grins at him, dishing grilled chicken onto his rice and drizzling dipping sauce over it all instead of using it for dipping.

“Like you’ve had time to miss me. You spend all your time with Jongho.”

“But at least I bring him here sometimes.”

“And then you aggressively suck his face and freak me out and I have to run away.”

“Shut up. Stop being an adult.”

Wooyoung snorts at that. He starts shovelling food into his mouth again. “How are things between you and Seonghwa?”

Yeosang almost chokes on his kimchi.“In what respect?”

Wooyoung shrugs.“I dunno. You guys just seem to spending a lot of time together.Are you dating orrrr…?”

“I think it’s an or,” Yeosang says, carefully avoiding his friend’s probing gaze.“I’ve asked him to go back home with me, for my grandather’s birthday.”

“Shiiiit.That’s big, Sangie. Does he know?”

Yeosang lets the silence stretch for a little before he answers. “No, I haven’t told him anything.”

“Maybe you should?” Wooyoung kicks his feet under the table.“Huh? I’d hate walking into the middle of a dogfight like that and not know what the fuck is going on.”

“He knows I’m not close with them,” Yeosang mutters but even to his own ears it sounds weak.“But I will.I’ll tell him.Next week, after the showcase.”

“Do it, Sangie. He deserves to know.”

After Wooyoung calls Jongho to see if he can swing by with some cake in tow, Yeosang tidies the kitchen and does the dishes.Once he’s done he collapses on the couch and pulls his phone out. 

**Yeosang**

Hey.

**Seonghwa**

Oh hey

Was just about to message you

**Yeosang**

Oh yeah?

**Seonghwa**

Yeah, I haven’t heard from you since yesterday.

So I wanted to check in.

Make sure you were ok

**Yeosang**

I’m okay.

Just busy, getting lots done before

You know,

Your kidnapping.

**Seonghwa**

Hmm, yeah.

My kidnapping.

Tell me more about that.

What should I expect.

**Yeosang**

Well, the actual party is Saturday night.

But the rest of the time it will just be, lazing around.

Going to the beach maybe?

Friday night I’ll treat you to dinner.

**Seonghwa**

Dinner, woah.

Okay, the beach? I’m intrigued.

So, how formal is this party?

Suit?

Tux?

**Yeosang**

I think I just died thinking of you in a tux.

**Seonghwa**

That hot, huh?

**Yeosang**

No, not at all.

Well. 

Mayyyyybe.

**Seonghwa**

You’reblushing.

I know you are.

**Yeosang**

Shut up.

….

Do you have a formal suit?

**Seonghwa**

You’ve seen my wardrobe.

Did it look like I have a suit in there?

It’s fine, I’ll hire one for the weekend.

**Yeosang**

No, don’t be stupid.

I’ll sort something out.

**Seonghwa**

I can get my own clothes, Sangie.

**Yeosang**

That’s debatable.

I’d like to remind you:

I have seen your wardrobe.

**Seonghwa**

Goddamn

I need some aloe vera for that burn

**Yeosang**

*grinning*

Calling it like I see it.

So, no practice tonight?

**Seonghwa**

Nope. Early night tonight

Hongjoong sent everyone home with strict instructions.

To rest.

Eat.

Get sleep.

**Yeosang**

Sounds boring.

**Seonghwa**

It really is.

Especially the sleep part

Because

**Yeosang**

Because….??

**Seonghwa**

My bed is so big and lonely without you.

;-)

**Yeosang**

God, you’re so cheesy.

**Seonghwa**

You love it.

I can just see how you look rn

Secretly pleased, blushing a little.

God I miss you, pretty thing.

**Yeosang**

Hwa?

**Seonghwa**

Yeah?

**Yeosang**

Do you think…

fucc

God, this is so unfgh.

**Seonghwa**

Sangie, you okay, baby?

**Yeosang**

I don’t know.

**Seonghwa**

Sweets, you really gotta talk to me

I’m worrying about you.

Do you want me to come over?

**Yeosang**

No! Hwa, you need rest

You don’t have to worry about me.

I’m just being stupid.

Woo asked me about us tonight and I didn’t know

You know.

What to answer.

**Seonghwa**

Ah.

I get it.

I don’t have one either.

An answer, that is.

**Yeosang**

But we’re friends, right?

**Seonghwa**

God, yes, we’re friends.

Of course.

I mean. If you want us to be?

**Yeosang**

Yes, ofc.

Jesus, Hwa.

But there’s more, right?

Between us?

Its not just in my head?

**Seonghwa**

It’s real.

Is that what you’re asking?

**Yeosang**

Yeah, I suppose I am.

good.

That’s good.

I’m glad.

**Seonghwa**

Me too. I’m glad.

But I’m glad you’re glad too.

…

Can I tell you something?

**Yeosang**

Sure?

**Seonghwa**

I’m looking forward to seeing you tomorrow night.

Knowing you’ll be coming home with me.

That I’ll be able to hold you.

**Yeosang**

JFC, Hwa.

HOW do you even?

Are you seeing what you’re saying?

How do you expect my brain to work after that?

**Seonghwa**

Doyou want me to stop?

Take it back?

Does it make you uncomfortable, because I will tsop

**Yeosang**

Fuck you, no.

Do *not* take it back.

No takebasies.

Shut up.

I’m going now.

God fucking hell.

Hwa.

**Seonghwa**

Am I being attacked?

I dunno? I’m confused.

I need help.

>>;-)

**Yeosang**

Go sleep, Hwa.

Rest well.

**Seonghwa**

You too, my pretty thing.

I’ll see you tomorrow night.

**Yeosang**

Oh, before I go?

Are you home all day tomorrow?

**Seonghwa**

Yep, strict instructions to rest up.

Heading to the auditorium at around five tomorrow.

Why?

**Yeosang**

No reason.

Sleep.

**Seonghwa**

Okay bai

xoxo

***

“Hwa! There’s a delivery guy at the door for you!”

Hongjoong calls from the door and Seonghwa pops his head out of his room, earphones dangling.

“For me? I didn’t order anything.”

“Well, you’ve got a shitload of parcels.That only you can sign for apparently.”

“Oh, right?”

Seonghwa gets to the door and a delivery guy in a black courier outfit grins at him.

“Hey, are you Park Seonghwa? Do you have ID?”

“Uh, sure.” Seonghwa digs his student ID card out of his wallet on the table next to the door.“Will this do?”

“Yep, perfect.Can you sign here for me?” 

Seonghwa signs the man’s little electronic device and hands it back to him, his eyes going to the understated brown paper wrapped parcels he’s piled on the ground with great care.

“Have a good day! And I guess, happy birthday?”

Seonghwa’s in the process of telling him it’s not his birthday but Hongjoong’s already carrying the boxes into the apartment and the guy’s down the hallway and the fire escape already, not bothering to wait for the elevator.

He carries the other items into the apartment and stacks them on the counter.

“Did you win a competition or…?”

“Honestly, no idea what is going on.”

Hongjoong gestures at him.

“Go on, open them up, lets see what they are.”

Seonghwa takes a breath and sets about opening the first box and largest box.As soon as he lifts the lid and pulls back the delicate wrapping, he starts laughing.

“What? What is it?”

“It’s a suit,” he says, pulling the jacket out.The fabric is gorgeous. He sees the label and almost drops it.“I am a fashion pleb but…Hongjoong, even I know some names.Does that really say what I think it says?”

“Yep, no that’s exactly what you think it says.”

Seonghwa pulls out the trousers, checks the sizing.Jacket and trousers are in his size. He sets them aside with great care.Then he opens the next box, and the next.Soon it looks as if a high end department store had exploded in their small living room.A variety of formal shirts in different colours joined the suit.There were three pairs of formal black shoes in different styles.There were ties, two different waistcoats carrying a different label who Hongjoong looked up (a British designer known for her out there clothing and who is a punk rock icon in her own right) and one final box, smaller and more elegant with an unknown designer’s name engraved on the lid.He popped the box open and sat down heavily.

“What?” Hongjoong demands.He was seated at the counter, drinking water, watching Seonghwa pull out each item of clothes in a daze. “What is it? Is an engagement ring?”

“No.” He turned the box around.“Cufflinks, with my initials.”

“Holy shit.” Hongjoong glanced at the heavy silver cufflinks.“They are incredible.Do you have a sugar daddy, Hwa?”

“What?” Seonghwa pawed his pockets for his phone.“No? What the fuck you take me for? Do I _look_ like a sugar baby? Fuck you.”

But he remembers.He remembers one of his very early conversations with Yeosang about being a kept man, about being a sugar baby.What the fuck?

He hits dial on his phone and there’s a small delay before Yeosang answers the phone.

“Hwa? Are you okay?”

“Oh, sure, yes, I’m fine.Totally, a hundred percent fine.Just, I’m in my living room and it looks like Gangnam exploded everywhere.Like, there are millions of wons worth of clothing, just everywhere.Delivered to me by private courier.All in my name.And I _know_ for a fact I’m not the one who bought all these things.I don’t know anyone who’d send me this.Do you?”

“I need you to breathe, Hwa, okay? Can you do that for me?”

“Yeosang, what the hell?!”

“Please, don’t shout.It’s not necessary.I told you I’d sort out your wardrobe for the party, right? That’s all this is, okay? It’s nothing serious.”

“Nothing serious, he’s saying it’s nothing serious.Sangie, baby, this is crazy! No one needs a dinner suit by Prada.No one needs waistcoats from Vivienne fucking Westwood and handmade shoes from some Italian designer I can’t even think how to pronounce. This stuff is ridiculously expensive.I can’t pay you back.”

“Did I ask you to pay me back?Hwa, listen to me when I tell you this: I don’t want your money. I got you these things because I wanted to. You deserve every single piece of clothing I sent you because, fuck, I want to see you look good on Saturday night.But, importantly, these are an investment.The items I chose are classics and you will be able to wear them for years to come.So, it’s not just a one-off thing, okay? And, before you go on about costs, trust me, I can afford it.”

“I’m not sure, Sangie.” He worries at his lower lip with his teeth.“This feels weird.”

“What does? Don’t you like getting presents?”

“No, it’s just.It’s a lot, Yeosang.It’s so fucking much.”

“Look, we’ll talk about it tonight, in person okay? After the showcase.”

“Yeah, okay.” He runs a hand over the suit jacket.“You chose well though.”

“Yeah, Hwa, I think I chose really well.” Yeosang’s voice is soft, the timbre lower than before and Seonghwa feels himself flush.He turns his back on Hongjoong who’s watching him with large attentive eyes and walks to his bedroom.

“You’re not talking about the clothes anymore, are you?” He listens to the silence on the other side.He kicks the door shut behind him and lies down on his bed. “Pretty thing,” he says, low low and sweet.“What are you doing? Why are you spending so much unnecessary money on me?”

“Jesus, your voice, Hwa.”

“My voice? What about it?”

Yeosang draws a deep ragged sounding breath on the other side.“Sometimes you call me that and it just makes my toes curl and I go hot all over.”

“That’s kinda sexy…or you have the plague, I’m not sure.”

Yeosang lets out a startled laugh.“Okay, you ass.Thanks for just messing up that moment. But listen, I’m serious.”

“So am I, baby.The clothes are amazing and gorgeous but, you really didn’t have to.”

“I know.But I wanted to.I’m kidnapping you for a whole three days.The least I could do is pay you back by sending you some nice things.”

“I’m not sure you know how kidnapping works.You’re not supposed to give the boy you’re kidnapping presents.”

“Oh, well, I’ve never been one to play by the rules.”

Hongjoong knocks on his door.“Hwa? I’m heading out. I’m meeting Yunho and Jongho for a late lunch.Don’t be late, okay? Remember to eat and hydrate!”

“Okay, later, bro!”

He drops back on the bed.“Sangie.”

“Hwa?”

“What are you doing right now?”

“I’m at the workshop.”

“Hmm. I can’t wait to see you.”

“Same. I heard what Hongjoong said.Are you nervous about tonight?”

“Not so much? I think I will be later, nearer the time.Right now I’m distracted by some really fancy clothes a boy I really like bought me.It’s almost like he wants me to play dress up for him.”

“Jesus, no. Please don’t do that to me. I have an entire week to steel myself seeing you dressed in a tailored suit.Have pity on my poor heart.”

Seonghwa laughs then, delighted.“Okay, but what will you be wearing?”

“Something in black, of course.”

“Of course.Will we match?”

Yeosang is quiet for a few moments.“We can, actually.If that’s what you want. Are you okay with that?”

Seonghwa hummed quietly.“I’d like that, I think.Pretty thing, can I ask you something?”

“I know I’ll probably regret this, but yes.”

“What are we doing?”

“I don’t know, Hwa.Do we have to label it?”

“No, but I worry that…you know, I really fucking like you so much. I don’t want to fuck up what we’ve got.”

“You’re not.You won’t.If anything, I’m the one walking that fine line of being neurotic and screwing things up.”

“You’re not neurotic.”

“Highly strung.My therapist calls me highly strung.”

“Your therapist is an asshole. You’re talented, you care about others more than you should, and you look really pretty sleeping in my bed.”

Yeosang’s laugh is a little breathless at that.“Those make no sense at all.They’re like completely different things.”

“Shut up, I’m having a moment or whatever.”Seonghwa’s grinning at his ceiling though. “Thank you, baby.For the clothes.”

“Do you like them?”

“I do.The cufflinks are my favourite.”

Yeosang made a pleased little noise in the back of his throat. “Irina made them for me.I called her up the day after we met her.She’s good right?”

Seonghwa took a moment to figure out who he meant.“Oh, Irina from the warehouse studios?”

“Yeah.”

“The cufflinks are perfect, pretty thing.”

“I designed them.”

Seonghwa sat up on the bed.“You designed them?”

“Yeah, I drew them out and she made them.”

Seonghwa left his room and went back out into the living room and stared down at the cufflinks.They were solid silver, thick and sat heavy in his hand. He looked at the design carefully.Yeosang had designed the cufflink to look like a picture frame, the scrollwork detailed, with his initials embossed within the frame.They whole design looked as if it came from another century entirely.

“I love them even more.” _I think I love you._ “Thank you.”

“Oh, okay.Well.That’s good. You were quiet so long I thought the call had dropped or something.”

“No, no, just me, admiring the jewellery you had made for me.”

Yeosang is laughing again and this time he sounds a little less embarrassed.

“Okay, well.I think I should go now.You’ve got a showcase to get ready for.Are you doing a solo?”

“I am, yeah.At the end.The showcase is split in two.Juniors get to do their thing, then there’s some group performances, with the seniors doing solos towards the end.”

“Okay, that sounds terrifying.”

“You’ve seen the chaos twins in action, so you know about terrifying.”Seonghwa laughs softly. “But you’re right.I have to go now.I’ll see you later, yeah?”

“Yeah, later.Good luck tonight, Hwa.Do well.”

“I will.”

“Bye.”

He stands, once he hung up, with his phone pressed against his chest, smiling blindly, at nothing.He was so far gone, it was ridiculous.

The door being buzzed again startles the hell out of him and he lets a little yelp, clutching at his heart, before he turns to open the door.

A massive bouquet of flowers almost hits his face.The flowers are a wild array of colours and they cover the courier’s torso and head entirely.

“Oh is this, shit, what, is this Park Seonghwa?” The flowers ask and Seonghwa clears his throat, still recovering.

“Uh, yes?”

“Oh great, these are for you.Can you just, sign for them?” The guy jiggles his hip.“Actually, no, can you just take them? They weigh a tonne.”

Seonghwa pockets his phone and ducks down so he can see where the courier’s hands are and he gingerly lifts the arrangement out of his hands, walking it to the kitchen counter where he puts it down carefully.

“You’re going to need a bigger kitchen counter,” the courier says with a grin.“Can you sign this?”

Seonghwa, his gaze on the flowers signs his name without even looking at what he was doing.He closes the door behind the guy just as the guy turns round and says: “Happy birthday!”

“It’s not my birthday,” Seonghwa says to no one at all. There’s a little notecard sticking out of the spray of flowers and he plucks it open.“ _I saw these and they made me think of your smile. Good luck tonight. Y, xoxo”_

“Flowers.He sent me flowers.” Seonghwa grins and spins, he fucking spins on the spot, and lets out a little giggle.“Fuck, he sent me flowers.What does that even?”

He pulls his phone and for a second he thinks about calling Yeosang again but instead he takes a photo and sends it to him.

_They couldn’t be more perfect.Thank you._

Yeosang doesn’t respond for a few seconds but when he does Seonghwa laughs.

_I was ready to fight you to accept them! Glad you like them.Now, go away and get ready.I’ll see you later._

***

“He sent you flowers?” Mingi is sitting in the chair at his side. They were having their make-up done by the drama department’s make-up team.“That’s fucking sweet, bro.”

“I know?” Seonghwa tries hard not to squirm under the girl’s hands as she works on his face. “I’ve never gotten flowers from anyone before.”

“I think he really likes you.”

Seonghwa smiles to himself.His reflected image looks unbearably smug.

“Yeah, well, I aggressively like him back.”

San was on Mingi’s other side listening to them talk.His make up was already done and was waiting for them to finish styling his hair.

“So, are you guys together?” 

Seonghwa hesitated.“Sannie, I’m not sure what we are. I’m hesitant to say yes, because there’s still stuff we need to talk about and I genuinely don’t want to presume, you know?”

Hongjoong wheels himself over.“I will personally kill you dead if you hurt Coco, Hwa.He is too good for you.”

“Uh, thanks, unnecessarily violent bro, for that?”

“I’m not even kidding. He’s precious and so soft. And he gets your stupid sense of humour. So don’t mess it up.”

“I’m not planning to mess it up, fuck off.” Seonghwa itches to slap his best friend but the girl bent over his voice hisses at him and presses his head back against the chair.

“Stop squirming or I will fucking slice off your eyebrow,” she warns him, expression hard.

Seonghwa goes very still very fast at the threat. 

“Sorry,” he mutters.“They’re being assholes.”

“No, they just care about you and this boy. Do you like him?”

“Yes?”

“Does he like you?”

“Yes?”

“Then what’s the issue? Why haven’t you asked him to be your boyfriend yet?”

“There’s stuff, like, you know.” He swallows around the lump in his throat. “Other stuff that’s…”

“Like what? You’re scared?”

Seonghwa tries desperately to signal for help from any of his friends but they all seem to be very busy with other things, like ignoring him.

“No, not scared _exactly_.”

“Then what? You’re only pretending to like him?

“No, I really like him so fucking much.”

“Then I don’t see what the problem is.”

The girl stands back, her grip firm on his chin, tilting his face this and that.“Okay, I’m done.You look very sexy. I did good work, the Lord’s work, some would say.” She turns around and starts tidying her workstation before turning back around to level a heavy stare at him. “If you don’t find this boy and make him your boyfriend, you’re going to regret it for the rest of your life.”

That was wild. Seonghwa stares at her in shock. “You don’t know…”

“No, I do know.That’s the thing.I do know.I was in love with a girl in my first year.I should have told her as soon as I realised.She went home during summer break and never came back. Her family married her off to some man as part of a business deal and sent her to Japan.So, yeah, I have regrets.So I’m telling you now.Don’t wait too long to tell him how you feel.And telling him you like him isn’t enough. Use the L word.”

Seonghwa blinks at her.From the corner of his eye he can see San watching them intently.

“Lesbians?”

The whole room stills and the girl turns to look at San with an expression like death made manifest.He just manages to duck the brush she hurls at his head.

“No, fuckwad, love.”

Seonghwa doesn’t care as the noise levels in the room escalate.He was going to.He was going to tell Yeosang that it’s not just like.It’s something far more, something bigger. 

***

Yeosang is not ready for the people, the noise or the excitement in the auditorium.He purposefully stays away for the first half of the showcase, unable to deal with the noise and motion.Wooyoung finds him near the entrance and takes one look at Yeosang’s pale face.

“I can get you backstage, if you prefer. You’re going to vibrate right out of your skin otherwise. There’s less people.”

“Yes, please.”

“Okay, we have to hurry, they’re about to start.”

Then Yeosang is on the stairs, Wooyoung’s hand on his wrist and they’re running towards a door that says STAFF ONLY. Wooyoung ignores the sign entirely and burst through the door with Yeosang in tow.One of the volunteers startles when she sees them but then she grins when she recognises Wooyoung.

“Backstage?” She asks him and he nods.“Come on, Jongho already cleared it with the others.This way.”

And then they follow her long legs through a series of corridors and Yeosang’s head is a mess at the maze she leads them through but then they’re backstage and it’s pure chaos but, somehow it’s different.

The difference is that he can see Seonghwa.Seonghwa’s standing with his group of friends and they’re all wearing their Crew T-shirts he’d made for them and they look so good.Seonghwa doesn’t see him, which is fine.His expression is tense and he is listening to something Hongjoong is telling them all. 

“We’ll be able to watch properly from the wings.Come.”Wooyoung tugs him and he follows him around some screens and a group of people in black who are obviously the stage hands. 

“Did you do this?” Yeosang asks him once he stops behind someone who glances at them before ignoring him.

“No, Hwa did.He said you might prefer it back here.That being out there might freak you out too much.”Wooyoung nudges his shoulder a little.“He’s a good guy, Sangie. You did well.”

Yeosang wants to say something but then the lights go down on the stage and the first beat fills the air and the dance crew thunder onto the stage and the lights go up. 

Yeosang watches the group performance. It’s dynamic, sexy and he’s grinning wide by the time they take a brief bow, and then the solos start.He watches, mesmerised as each member performs their solos. He’s nervous for Seonghwa and can barely watch as the members from the team he knows perform.They good, they are so fucking good, his heart knocks wildly against his ribs and he leans forward with Wooyoung as each one takes a bow and claps and whistles along with the audience. 

And then it’s Seonghwa’s turn and Yeosang forgets to breathe.He’s dressed in an oversized white shirt with volumous sheer sleeves that spark in the overhead lights.His long legs are clad in faux leather pants that cling inappropriately at his thighs (and if Yeosang decides to buy him real leather pants right then, so what?) and black DM’s.He looks gorgeous.He looks like fucking sin.He saunters onto the stage, tilts his chin at the audience and wipes a thumb over his mouth.An audience member screams and he smirks in their direction and there’s laughter.Someone in the costume department had decided it would be a good idea to give him a trilby.A fucking black trilby.It sits at a low slanted angle on his face, keeping most of his face in shadow. He turns to the left of the stage and snaps his fingers with a clear crack.A chair comes his way, slid across the stage by one of the stage hands and Seonghwa catches it, spins it and straddles it backwards. There’s a smattering of applause and Yeosang can see the cocky grin on his face just as the lights go out for a brief second. When they come back on again it’s a spotlight only. Wooyoung grabs his arm and lets out a soft gasp when the first beat of WayV’s Love Talk hits the auditorium.

Seonghwa dancing to Love Talk should come with a PG18 rating. Yeosang watches him, oblivious to his surroundings, in awe of the sheer control he has over his body.It’s sexy, the movements sure, precise and astonishingly graceful. He uses the chair as a prop, straddling it, legs wide, back arched, hand pressing the trilby down as he does a slow backward roll of his body.Nothing could prepare Yeosang for Seonghwa doing body rolls, slow, achingly slow body rolls, or the way his long fingered hand inches slowly down his chest, past his waist, lightly gripping the inside of his thigh, just missing his groin proper. His dance is a slow seduction of the audience. His gaze burns as he dances, his moves a mixture of modern and jazz, suitable to his tall lean physique. The audience is rapt, Yeosang is on fire and Seonghwa holds the crowd in the palm of his hand.

He finishes his stage with a slow stare at the audience as he whisks the trilby off his head and gives them a low elegant bow, before straightening and angling the trilby rakishly over his eyes once more, hiding most of his face.

The applause is crazy. There’s whistling and shouts and Seonghwa breaks from his persona to take it in with a wide grin on his face and as he turns to leave the stage, he spots Yeosang standing to the right, off stage, and his grin drops and something replaces it.

“I’m gone,” Wooyoung says in Yeosang’s ear and he has no time to react because Seonghwa is stalking towards him, his eyes raking over Yeosang and Yeosang is feeling a bit weird. Dizzy and hot and like his knees might not be able to support him for much longer.Not when Seonghwa looks at him like _that._ Not after seeing him _perform_ like that. 

Someone’s taken to the stage behind Seonghwa but Yeosang couldn’t care less. Seonghwa was walking him backwards, not touching him, save for a light hand on his hip to guide him, so that eventually fetches up against a wall.Seonghwa leans forward, caging him between his arms, hands pressed against the wall, on either side of his head.

“Hey,” Seonghwa says. “You look nice.”

“Uh, have you seen yourself?” Yeosang asks and he wishes his voice didn’t sound quite so breathless.“You look so good.You were amazing out there.”

“Yeah?” Seonghwa’s breath ghosted across his ear.“Thanks. You look so good. You smell so good.Jesus.”

He drags his nose down Yeosang’s jaw, dropping his head lower and Yeosang lets him. He lets him and pushes back against the wall, arching back, giving him access to his neck. Seonghwa inhales deeply, lets out a little groan and moves infestimally closer, his head almost buried in the crook of Yeosang’s neck.Yeosang has never felt more powerful in his life.

“Hwa?”

“Hmmm.”

“What are you doing?”

“Stopping myself from kissing you.”

“Okay,” he says.A beat.“Why?”

“Because if I start now, I won’t stop.”

Yeosang curls his hand into the trailing front of his shirt and he pulls him closer, lips just missing his so he could lean up and press his mouth to his ear.

“Go get changed, we’re leaving.”

Seonghwa’s eyes darken and he stares down at him, his eyes flickering to his mouth, then back up again to meet his eyes.

“I’ll meet you out front,” he says and his voice is low low low.“Give me ten minutes.”

“I’ll get a taxi.”

But they both just stand there, staring at one another, a little gone because of the intensity of the moment.Yeosang catches his breath first.He tugs on Seonghwa’s shirt.“Go, the longer you mess around, the longer it takes to get back to yours.”

Seonghwa nods, blinking. 

“Yes, you’re right.I’m going.” He pulls back from Yeosang and takes a few steps away before turning back.“You really look fucking amazing.”And then he turns around and heads towards wherever it is that they’ve had the team dressing.

Yeosang lets out a breath and sags against the wall, pushing his fingers through his hair. He is shaking.

“Fucking hell, that was intense.” There’s no sign of Wooyoung so he snags one of the other stage hands to get directions back out to the exit. He practically runs and once he gets outside, he pulls his phone out to order a car.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Sex dungeon?” San cries, overly loud, making other people picnicking nearby look over in horror. 
> 
> “Oh my god,” Seonghwa mutters to himself, wondering how fast he could speedwalk away from them all but Yeosang grabs hold of him and yanks him down so that he falls down next to him, inelegantly. 
> 
> “Yes, do we get to see this sex dungeon or…?” Mingi asks, no less loud than San, drawing more looks because his voice is deep. 
> 
> “Joongie, why didn’t ever tell me Seonghwa has a sex dungeon?” Yunho asks Hongjoong who was trying to get his breath back after chocking on air. 
> 
> “Babe, can we go see their sex dungeon?” Jongho desmands in a whiney voice and Wooyoung looks like he too wants to die because people are staring. 
> 
> “There is NO SEX DUNGEON,” Seonghwa yells. “Can we all just stop saying sex dungeon, goddamn.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, you thirsty lot! 
> 
> I spill the smut (snorts, see what I did there?) and a few other things happen too, obviously. I'm not going to bother demarcating the start / end of the boys getting TOGETHER (winks) because honestly, the tags should tell you that it's not just them holding hands and kissing. 
> 
> Please be aware that I will be amending the tags, again, as I go along because some shit will be going down in the next chapter.

Seonghwa finds Yeosang standing outside next to a black SUV.There’s a chauffeur in a uniform and once Yeosang moves towards him, the guy turns and opens the back door for them.Yeosang grips his hand lightly and pulls him into car behind him. 

The interior of the SUV is black leather and has dim lighting and it smells faintly of vanilla aricon. The chauffeur closes the door behind Seonghwa and gets behind the wheel.He doesn’t ask for directions and as soon as he starts the car and pulls out into the Saturday night traffic, he hits the ‘on’ button on the radio and some trendy pop beats hit the air, loud enough to create background noise and give them some privacy from him, but not loud enough to stop the two of them from talking.

Yeosang is sitting quietly at his side, looking at the scenery.He has both hands on his knees and seems relaxed but Seonghwa has learned to read Yeosang in the short time he’s come to know him. The purposeful way he avoids Seonghwa’s eyes tells him a lot. He risks a look at the driver but the man was eyes front, all attention on the traffic around them. Yeosang was nervous and he was doing his best to not show it. 

“Hey, Sangie.”

“Hey, Hwa.”

“I’m sorry.” His apology gets those incredible eyes on him and he swallows hard under their full weight.

“What for?”

“I was out of line back there.I saw youin the wings, looking at me like, like I don’t know. Like you liked me as much as I like you. And I just needed to be _with you_.” He flexed his hands and gripped them together in his lap. “…I kinda, came at you hard and it was inappropriate.So, I’d like to apologise if I overstepped."

Yeosang makes a little noise. It sounds like a sob and when Seonghwa looks at him Yeosang’s eyes are burning into his. 

“Hwa, I almost walked out on that stage and kissed you breathless in front of everyone,” he mutters, voice lower than it usually is.“You did nothing wrong, believe me.I would tell you if you did.”

“Promise me that you will? I don’t want to ever make you uncomfortable. I never want to hurt you or scare you. You’re too important to me.”

In answer Yeosang merely reaches over and worms his hand between Seonghwa’s. His smile is a little shy, but it's a lot warm and sweet and when he looks away Seonghwa can see the blush riding high on his cheeks.

They sit in silence for a little while and Seonghwa looks at Yeosang's hand in his and he's hit by how happy he is. He's surprised when Yeosang tugs at his hand a little to get his attention. “When we get back to yours, promise me something?”Yeosang glances at him briefly, before looking out the window again.

“Sure,” Seonghwa says immediately. Zero hesitation.“Whatever you want.”

“That you’ll kiss me?”

Seonghwa lets that sink in for a moment.Then he nods, slowly.“Yes, of course.Whatever you want.”

Yeosang tightens the grip he has on Seonghwa’s hand then and sits a little closer to him and Seonghwa wants to pull him onto his lap right there and hold him and kiss him.But he doesn’t.Because he has self control.And he wants to do it properly.

They get back to Seonghwa’s apartment block soon enough and the driver jumps out to open the door for them, surprising Seonghwa.He glances at the man and receives a polite bow. Yeosang pops out behind him, backpack over his shoulder. 

“Thank you for using us again, Mr. Kang-ssi.”

Yeosang hands the driver several folded bills. “Thank you, Kim.Appreciated.”Then he turns to Seonghwa with a raised eyebrow as he hitches his backpack over his shoulder.

“Shall we?”

Seonghwa nods numbly and lets them into the building.His gaze tracks the SUV as it pulls away whilst they wait for the elevator. 

“So,” he says, smiling down at Yeosang.“Hongjoong is going to stay at Yunho’s again tonight.”

“Interesting.” Yeosang drawls the word out, making him grin.

“Yeah, so we can stay up all night and watch Marvel movies.”

Yeosang makes a face.“This is not what I signed up for. I think I want to go home.” He tugs at his hand that’s wrapped in Seonghwa’s.“Oh my god, let go. I want to call Kim back so he can take me home. I’m not watching Marvel movies with you.”

The elevator arrives then and Seonghwa easily pulls him in, using a little too much force and Yeosang stumbles against him with a squeak of surprise. Seonghwa hits the button for his floor, crowding against Yeosang a little, so he can’t make a run for it before the doors slide shut.

“Hmm, if we’re not watching Marvel movies, what _will_ we be doing all night long? What do _you_ think you signed up for?”

Yeosang squirms against him a little and Seonghwa catches his breath, dropping a hand to his hip to stop him moving. He did not want to sprout a random boner and scare him away, but Yeosang’s eyes are very big and dark as he stares up at him.

“I’m not sure,” he says, eyes moving to Seonghwa’s lips, tracking his tongue as he reflexively wets his bottom lip under Yeosang’s gaze.“But we’re creative adults.I’m sure we’ll be able to come up with _something_.”

“Hmm, something for sure,” Seonghwa says, leaning forward a little.“Does this mean I get to touch you tonight?”

“Yes,” Yeosang breathes, his lips brushing lightly against his.“Whatever you want.”

“Do I get to undress you?” Seonghwa asks, his hand trailing up from where it’s resting on Yeosang’s hip.He finds his way under the soft charcoal grey sheer silk shirt, resting his palm lightly against his heated skin, thumb rubbing lightly against his ribs.“Hmm, pretty thing? Do I get to unwrap you tonight?”

Yeosang mutters something under his breath, too soft for him to make out and he’s arching up against Seonghwa, brushing their hips together, and they’re not kissing but, fuck, it’s so close.His skin is so hot against Seonghwa’s hand it feels like he’s running a fever. 

Seonghwa is shaking from his proximity. His head feels like it’s full of white noise and when the elevator doors open they step out in sync, Yeosang leaning against him. Seonghwa wraps an arm around his waist to keep him close, disliking the idea of having him move away from him intensely.He fishes his keys out of his pocket and unlocks the door. 

Hongjoong had managed to get the aircon working again and the apartment is a little cooler than outside.Seonghwa has the wherewithal to at least close and lock the door behind them before he turns to Yeosang who’s struggling to get his boots off.

“Fucking shit…” he mutters, bringing a grin to Seonghwa’s face.“Give me scissors, goddamn laces.”

“Stop, I’ll help you.”

He kneels down in front of Yeosang, not missing how the other boy’s breath stutters a little. He props his knee up and taps his leg.“Foot.”

Yeosang puts his DM encased left foot on his lower thigh and watches silently as Seonghwa undoes the knot, his fingers nimble on the laces.He untucks them a little and slides his foot and sock out of the boot, dropping the offending items on the ground. 

“Next,” he says, dragging his gaze up along Yeosang’s long legs clad in smart black trousers, past his waist where his silk shirt is no longer tucked in, up along his chest, resting momentarily on the open collar showing off the long column of his neck and finally, up to his face staring down at him with a dazed expression.

Yeosang leans a hand on the wall at his side so he could swap feet and Seonghwa tries not to let it show how much he is affected by him, but his hands are a little unsteady as he undoes the laces on his other boot. 

Yeosang’s hand is suddenly in his hair, raking his bangs back, tugging a little and Seonghwa glances up at him through his lashes.

“Hey,” he breathes, his hands stilling. “You okay?”

“Yeah, just weirdly affected by your kneeling in front of me taking my shoes off?” Yeosang says, honest to a fault as always. His fingers trail Seonghwa’s jaw and his thumb drags softly over his lower lip, before its gone.“I’m not sure why?”

Seonghwa drops the other boot to the ground and straightens, taking his time, so that their height difference is more obvious by the time he’s standing fully upright.He still has his shoes on and it gives him an an extra inch. Yeosang’s gaze doesn’t leave his once and when he cranes his head back a little, his lips part in a quiet sigh.

“Hwa, please.”

“What do you want?” Seonghwa bends towards him a little so that he can stare into his eyes properly.They are huge and the colour is so intense and dark, it momentarily stuns him.“I’m not going to do anything you don’t want me to, but I need you to tell me.”

“Kiss me?”

And how can he say no to Yeosang when he asks that, in a voice so soft, so burningly sweet, it makes the air between them cloying.

Seonghwa kisses him.It’s chaste, the softest kiss just on the corner of his mouth, where there’s that tiny dent that drives him so wild when Yeosang’s lips quirk in amusement. Yeosang is barely breathing against him and Seonghwa reaches up gently, trailing his right hand upwards, so that he can have one hand resting against that sharp jawline that drives him to distraction, whilst the other finds the small dip of Yeosang’s waist, pulling him closer so that they are flush against one another. 

And then Seonghwa flutters his eyes closed and kisses Yeosang with barely there control.He teases his mouth open so he could taste him properly and Yeosang just _yields_. He gives up to Seonghwa with such earnestness, with such a sweet little gasp of surprise, it scrambles his thoughts.

Yeosang tastes divine, he tastes like he’s Seonghwa’s favourite thing in all the world and Seonghwa knows he never wants to stop kissing him.Yeosang gasps against him, mouth eager against his, winding his arms around Seonghwa’s neck and then he’s up, and he’s got his legs wrapped around Seonghwa’s waist and Seonghwa lifts him higher, arms under his ass, so that Yeosang is the one leaning downwards, the one driving the kiss, his teeth tugging a little at Seonghwa’s lower lip. 

“Room,” he says against his lips.“Now, please, Hwa.”

Seonghwa nods blindly against him and walks him, pausing for a moment to turn off the lights, down the passage to his room.Yeosang doesn’t stop kissing him, his lips softer than he could have thought, his mouth so warm and sweet, allowing him all the access he wants. 

He sits on the bed so that Yeosang can straddle him. He needs this boy so badly it’s like a fire under his skin and Yeosang seems to be incredibly attuned to this.He’s kissing Seonghwa like he’s drowning and the only way to stay alive is to have Seonghwa’s mouth on him.And fuck, Seonghwa loves it.Both his hands are now on Yeosang’s hips, below that sinful silk shirt, and his fingers are stroking the smooth skin over his ribs. Yeosang mutters something, lifting himself a little against Seonghwa and rolls his hips in an approximation of Seonghwa’s body rolls earlier that night.The movement makes them both groan and Yeosang whimpers a little against his mouth.

“God, Hwa, how do you drive me this crazy?”

“Me?” Seonghwa tries to scoff but he’s got both hands on his hips again, lifting him, pulling him back down against him, the move calculated to drive them both crazy with the slow drag. The movement draws another gasp out of them both.“You look like sin tonight, baby.You’re so perfect for me.”

He presses mindless kisses along the column of Yeosang’s exposed neck, tugging impatiently at the shirt to get better access when Yeosang’s hands come to rest on his.

“Hey, how about you undress me like you asked?”

And yes, that is an incredibly good idea.Undressing is good.He wants Yeosang naked and writhing under him five minutes ago.So he pushes them off the bed, arm around Yeosang’s waist and makes him stand in front of him.

The light in the room is from his bedside lamp only, so it throws out a soft light.He nudges Yeosang a little so he stands in the best place to be lit by the light. He drinks him in for a moment, the shape of him, the possibility of him.Yeosang’s face is bathed in shadows but his eyes are glittering up at him and he thanks all the gods who had smiled on him the day Yeosang had come into his life.

“I can’t tell you how much I want this,” he mutters and when he reaches between them, his hands are trembling.Yeosang brings both his hands up to his and rests his fingers curled around his wrists and the touch steadies him.

“Me too, Hwa Please...”

Seonghwa nods and as he unbuttons the silk shirt, he bends and presses his mouth to every delicious inch of skin he reveals. He drags his mouth across the exposed expanse of his chest, luxuriating in the feel of it beneath his mouth. He traces his exposed abs with his tongue and by then he’s kneeling in front of Yeosang again. 

Yeosang’s face is a vision above him.He’s breathing a little hard and there’s a telltale flush of arousal spreading across his neck onto his cheeks. He reaches down to run a hand through Seonghwa’s hair, tugging a little, but his eyes are on his mouth.He drops his hand down to his jaw again, like he did before and presses his thumb against Seonghwa’s lower lip.

“You have the most gorgeous mouth, Hwa. Did you know that?”

Seonghwa blushes at that and swipes his tongue over the thumb resting so lightly against his lip before he closes his lips over it and sucks it into his mouth. He flattens the tip a little and wraps it around Yeosang’s thumb, before swirling it up and around and pulling off and away.

Yeosang looks gone.He’s staring at Seonghwa’s mouth like he’s seen Nirvana.

“Fuck,” he mutters.“Hwa.Please.” He drops his hands away to his waist and he starts messing around with his belt but Seonghwa bats his hands away.

“Let me do this, pretty thing.”He makes swift work of unbuckling the black leather belt, sliding it free from its loops and tossing it across the room.He keeps his eyes on his hands, popping the button and undoing the zip. He lets the fabric pool around Yeosang’s feet and holds his hand, so he can step out of them and not get his feet tangled. 

Yeosang isn’t overly muscular but he has enough definition on his thighs and calves to make Seonghwa feel a little weak.He sits back on his heels and looks up at Yeosang who’s staring at him without any sign of self-consciousness, his lips parted a little, the tip of his tongue just visible.

He trails his hands up his calves, around the back of his knees, and up the back of his thighs where he rests then, opening his fingers wide so that they span just below his ass and he squeezes.The gesture makes Yeosang give an involuntary gasp and he takes a half step forward, brushing his groin against Seonghwa’s face.

His boxers are black and they fit snugly leaving no doubt how much Seonghwa is affecting him.Seonghwa presses his face against him and breathes out hotly against his clothed hardness, making Yeosang moan softly, hands finding purchase in Seonghwa’s hair again.

“Fuck,” he breathes out above him.“Seonghwa.”

“You’re so hard for me, pretty thing.Can I taste you?”Seonghwa stills, staring up at him.“Baby, you’ve got to talk to me. I need you to tell me you’re okay with this. With what I’m doing, right now.”

“Yes,” Yeosang blinks heavily down at him.Then he nods to show Seonghwa in case his voice wasn’t enough. “Yes, please, Seonghwa.Just don’t stop touching me.”

“Hmm, lets get this off you,” Seonghwa says, sitting back a little so he can see what he’s doing.He slowly pulls Yeosang’s boxers off and inhales softly when Yeosang’s hard length springs free.Like the rest of Yeosang his cock is in perfect proportion.It’s long, and full with the tip slightly bulbous and flushed.“Fuck, baby. Look at you.” He noses at his length, dragging his jaw along it before opening his mouth and sucking the tip lightly.“You taste so good.” And he did.Seonghwa knows that it is pheromones and hormones talking, but there is something about the taste and feel of Yeosang under his lips and in his mouth that just hit differently. 

He drags his tongue along his hard length, pulling back and arching his neck so that he can look up at Yeosang.Yeosang is staring straight back at him, unblinkingly.His eyes are huge and knowing he’s putting that look of pure naked lust on his face, makes Seonghwa thrum with pleasure.

Still holding his gaze, he opens his mouth wide and laps at his cock, making full use of his long tongue. He loses himself easily in the motions, closing his lips around him, pulling back, pushing back down, incrementally, getting used to the feeling of Yeosang in his mouth.He’s peripherally aware of his own cock pressing against the zipper of his jeans but right now, it’s of secondary concern.He can feel Yeosang quivering above him, his hands tangled in Seonghwa’s thick hair, letting out these tiny whimpers that only encourages Seonghwa to make him come apart.

“Hwa, oh god, please,” Yeosang is saying.“Please, I can’t..” He lets out a moan and shudders wildly at a particularly long slow drag of Seonghwa’s tongue.“I can’t think when you do that.Fuck.”

“You’re not supposed to think, baby,” Seonghwa says, sitting back again. “You’re just supposed to enjoy it.”

“Can you come up here and kiss me again?” Yeosang asks him sweetly, tugging at his shirt.“Just so I can catch my breath?”

“All you have to do is ask,” Seonghwa tells him and he stands again, making sure to keep his hands on Yeosang’s body.His skin is hot and feels like silk under his palms and he presses close, bending his mouth to his and kisses him, open mouthed, all tongue and heat. Yeosang moans against him, his own hand finding its way under Seonghwa’s shirt and he splays his hand over his chest, nails digging into the skin there, just a little painfully.

“Fuck, you’re so hot.Jesus fuck,” he mutters against Seonghwa’s mouth.“What the fuck, you drive me crazy.”

“Same, pretty thing.” Seonghwa dips his head and angles himself so he can rub against Yeosang’s naked erection.The pressure of his still clothed cock brushing against him makes them both groan and Yeosang drops his forehead against Seonghwa’s shoulder so he can look down between them.

“I’m making a mess of your jeans,” he says but his voice is gone and raspy.“I’ll buy you another pair.”

“It can go in the wash,” Seonghwa tells him, amused. He tilts Yeosang’s face back up with a finger under his chin.“Stop talking and let me kiss you?”

Yeosang nods.“Please, kissing you is like…the best thing.” He presses back against him, moving his hips in a slow circle against Seonghwa’s.“Your mouth, Hwa.Should get awards.”

Seonghwa can’t help the chuckle.“Thanks?”

“Get undressed,” Yeosang tells him, reaching between them so he can cup Seonghwa.“This is nice but I want to see you too. Please?”

And who is Seonghwa to say no? He kicks off his shoes first, then pulls his shirt off, dropping it to the floor carelessly.Yeosang stops any further movement when he brushes Seonghwa’s hands away from his jeans fastening.“You are flawless, you know that?”He runs gentle hands over his shoulders, trailing his fingers over his chest and then further down, coming to rest just above Seonghwa’s waist where his jeans are hanging low on his hips. He stares at his thumb pressing lightly against the skin there for a few long seconds, as if deciding something.

“Hwa,” he says then, dragging his eyes up to his.“Can I tell you something?”

“Anything, of course.” Seonghwa tangles his fingers with Yeosang’s and gets his breathing under control.“Whatever you want tonight is fine, okay?”

“I haven’t been with anyone in a very long time.” Yeosang swallows and like Seonghwa he seems to be doing his utmost to get his breathing under control.“I really, and I mean this, I really want you but Hwa, I’m so scared. I’m so turned on but I’m just so fucking scared. I want you in me so much but I don’t know if I can...”

“Hey,” Seonghwa says and it feels like his world is righting itself as he presses his forehead against Yeosang’s.“It’s okay to not want to go all the way.I’m not going to do anything that you don’t want. _We’re_ not going to do anything you’re not comfortable with, okay?” He presses a grounding kiss against his mouth.“I won’t hurt you.Please, just, understand that?”

“Yes,” Yeosang nods.“Okay. Thank you, fuck.You’re just too much and I like you so fucking much.” He shudders a little and gets a grip on himself before giving Seonghwa a small wrecked smile. He dips his fingers below Seonghwa’s waistband and pops the button of his jeans open, and pushes it down his legs, snagging Seonghwa’s boxers in the process too.“But this I have been dreaming of for weeks now so, let me have this,” he mutters and steps back to stare down at Seonghwa. “And of course your cock is as pretty as the rest of you.Fuck me, honestly.”

Seonghwa gives a little breathless laugh at that honesty and at his little groan of annoyance whilst he kicks his jeans and boxers aside and then he also toes his socks off.Nothing less sexy than a naked man still wearing socks.

“Come,” Seonghwa says, feeling surprisingly less nervous than he thought he would as he takes Yeosang’s hand and tugs him onto the bed.He props himself up against the headboard and pillows and pulls Yeosang onto his lap, bringing his knees up behind him.“There, that’s better.How’re you doing, pretty thing?”

“I’m naked,” Yeosang tells him, as if he was sharing something he wasn’t aware of.“And I’m sitting in your lap.And you are so gorgeous and hot.And I’ve got your cock in my hand and I am honestly? Pretty fucking okay.”

Seonghwa laughs at that, a quiet chuckle and he rests his eyes where Yeosang has his hand wrapped around him and it looks so good, it feels so good, he feels heat flushing through his body.

“God, you just…it feels like,” he starts but Yeosang is already nodding, his eyes also on his hand wrapped around Seonghwa’s hard length.He’s moving his wrist lightly, dragging the skin and it’s a little dry, but it’s also fucking perfect.

“Yeah, I know, fuck. This is…a lot.” Then he lets go and licks a long wet streak over the palm of his hand before he gets back to jerking Seonghwa off. 

“Jesus, why is that so hot.” Seonghwa drops his head back against the headboard and just lets Yeosang handle him.He presses his hands into his duvet and arches under him, lifting them both off the bed. 

“Your fucking god tier thighs and abs, Hwa.The fuck?” Yeosang presses a hand down on his Seonghwa’s stomach, spreading his fingers wide.Seonghwa grabs his hand and pulls it higher, making Yeosang lean forward a little, making their erections press together and he stills, his eyes very wide. 

“Oh,” he says. 

“God, yes,” Seonghwa replies pressing a kiss to his open palm before dropping it.“Lube. Don’t move.” He twists under Yeosang and reaches for the bedside table and fishes around the drawer for the lubricant.“Come on, pretty thing.Let’s do this together, yeah?”

He squirts lubricant on both their hands before he resettles himself against the headboard, Yeosang’s eyes huge.He lines them up together and then he holds his hand out to Yeosang who takes it and laces their fingers together, effectively caging their cocks between their hands.

“Oh Jesus fucking hell,” Yeosang mutters. 

And Seonghwa fully agrees because it feels incredible. Yeosang’s cock rubs against his, the pressure of their linked hands not enough and too much at the same time.He knows he’s not going to last but then the way Yeosang’s hips are stuttering looks like he’s not the only one completely out of it.He sits forward then and catches his mouth with his.Kissing Yeosang can become a habit, he thinks. He tastes like his favourite new drug, something that goes straight to his head, driving him crazy.

He fucks into Yeosang’s mouth with each upward push of their hands and he can tell Yeosang gets it and he’s greedy right back, pushing back, chasing each thrusting of his tongue with soft moans and little growls whilst working his wrist between them.

It’s dirty and slick and so fucking sexy Seonghwa moans at the sensation of the two of them rubbing against each other.He wants, he just wants to devour the other boy and so he pushes his free hand up into Yeosang’s hair and pulls his head back a little so that the perfect column of his neck is bared to him. He leaves bites and kisses along the length of his neck, across his collar bones, licking into that deep cleft of his clavicle that’s taunted him since day one. 

Yeosang is moaning against him now and he loves it, he loves knowing that it’s him making this beautiful boy react to his mouth and touch like this.He moves his mouth back up to kiss him harder and Yeosang sighs into his mouth, hot and eager and he’s got one arm wrapped around Seonghwa’s neck, pulling him closer and using it as leverage so he can move his hips between them.Seonghwa’s doing the same, thrusting up between them, and they’ve got an incredible rhythm going now, hands and mouths and thrusting and stares between them. Seonghwa thinks he’s going to pass out because Jesus, Yeosang has his hand on him and the sight of it blows his mind. They look so good together. 

“Hwa,” Yeosang’s moaning.“Fuck Hwa, oh my god.I’m so close.Help me.”

And Seonghwa flips them then so he’s kneeling between Yeosang’s legs and he’s got his hand around both of them and Yeosang keens, arching his back beautifully. Seonghwa works them fast and hard, rubbing a thumb over this slit, spreading his precum to mix with the lube and he can feel that delicious heat starting low low in his stomach and he leans closer to Yeosang, catching his eyes with his. 

“Pretty thing, I want you to come for me.Can you do that?I want to see you.”

Yeosang gives him a sharp nod and wraps his hand unconsciously and painfully hard around Seonghwa’s wrist as he bucks up between them, never breaking the rhythm Seonghwa had set.Seonghwa kisses him then, knowing that Yeosang was close and wanting to feel him moan into his mouth as he comes.And he does, he comes with an elongated low sweet moan that is designed to stick in Seonghwa’s mind forever.He comes between them in thick ropes of white, all over Seonghwa’s hand and stomach.Seonghwa lets out a groan of his own, hand still wrapped around them both, making Yeosang gasp out his name, low and raw.He is so gone on the boy beneath him that it takes only a few more strokes before he comes too. He’s hyper aware of everything, his skin feels like it’s on fire.Yeosang’s breath ghosts over the skin of his neck as he leans over him, his expression a little dazed, his mind swimming on endorphins.

“Fuck,” he groans and Yeosang’s eyes focus on him properly and he gives him a heavy look.

“Yeah, that was…” he drops his hand away from Seonghwa’s wrist.“Intense, holy shit.”

With the greatest of difficulty Seonghwa sits up, pushing back on his heels and looks down at Yeosang who looks blissed out, sprawled naked beneath him, their mingled cum cooling on his stomach and chest.

“You okay, messy thing?” Seonghwa’s voice is blown and Yeosang wrinkles his nose at him.

“Shut up, you helped make this mess.” Yeosang huffs a little laugh at him and stretches lazily. “But yeah, I’m so okay.Totally a lot okay.Just clean me up so I can nap.”

“Brat,” Seonghwa mutters and it earns him a mock offended gasps which he loves. 

When he gets back from the bathroom Yeosang looks half asleep already.He cleans him up with a warm damp towel and drops it on the floor on the side of the bed. 

“Hydrate,” he tells him, holding out a bottle of water he’d snagged from the fridge.

“Sleepy tho,” Yeosang mutters but Seonghwa pinches his hip lightly.

“Drink, come on.It’s hot and you need to stay hydrated.”

Yeosang grumbles but he drinks half the bottle before giving it back to Seonghwa who finishes it and tosses it in the bin.He sinks down on the bed and Yeosang immediately curls up at his side, his head on his shoulder, as soon as he’s settled.Seonghwa drops a hand to Yeosang’s head and runs his fingers through his damp hair for a bit, listening to him breathe.

“You okay, pretty thing?”

Yeosang makes a small movement against his chest.Then he feels his lips lightly against his skin,just above his nipple and his breath catches a little.

“I am, thank you.”

Seonghwa leans forward and presses a kiss to his head.“Such good manners. Sleep?”

“Yeah, for a bit.I missed you.”

“Same, baby.I missed you so fucking much.”

Yeosang mutters something, lips pressed against his skin and he wiggles closer, reaching for Seonghwa’s free hand where it’s resting on his stomach, lacing their fingers together again.Seonghwa drifts off, sated, mind full of the boy in his arms.

***

Seonghwa wakes up to the sight of Yeosang sprawled next to him. Some time during the night Yeosang had flipped over so he could lie on his stomach, one arm hooked around a pillow, the other angled so he could rest his face on his arm.Seonghwa’s bedside alarm tells him it was just gone four a.m.The light outside was barely there and soft grey.It is far too early to be awake but Yeosang is right _there_ and he looks so tempting.

Seonghwa turns on his side properly so he can run his left hand lightly down the centre of Yeosang’s back. Yeosang shrugs a little, making a small pout of annoyance in his sleep, grumbling a little, and it makes Seonghwa grin. He inches closer, nosing at Yeosang’s face that is partially hidden by his arm and watches him come awake slowly.

“Wha?” Yeosang’s voice is thick with sleep and he looks so grumpy, Seonghwa is immediately endeared. “Hwa, what y’doin’?”

“Nothing,” Seonghwa whispers.“Just wanted to kiss you.”

“Oh. Hmm.Okay, m’kisses.” Yeosang leans up on his elbows and purses his lips, eyelids fluttering sleepily.

Seonghwa presses a chaste kiss to his lips and Yeosang sighs a softly.“More please?”

“More?” Seonghwa teases.“You sure?”

“Always sure of you,” Yeosang tells him, still sleepy voiced and soft.

“Okay then.”Seonghwa kisses him slow and deep with lingering touches down his back and Yeosang shudders against him, crawling closer until he’s in Seonghwa’s lap, pressing him back against the pillows, controlling the kiss, both arms bracketing Seonghwa’s head. 

“God I want you so much,” Yeosang mutters against his mouth.“You just…fuck, Hwa. You mess with my head.” He curls his hands into fists and gives Seonghwa a little shake. "I just want you to do whatever you want but then I just get scared but it makes it worse, but I like it?"

“That shouldn’t make me want to fuck you as much as it does,” Seonghwa admits,“And I really do want you, but Yeosang?”

“Hmm?”

“Only when you tell me, okay? I am not going to until you give me the go ahead.A clear instruction, yeah?”

And Yeosang is nodding against him, foreheads pressed together. “Yes, yeah, I understand. I get it.”

"And I think we need a safe word," Seonghwa says. "In case something happens and one of us needs to stop."

"Okay, yes. That's a good idea. Let me think." Yeosang thinks about it by kissing him and Seonghwa finds himself smiling against his mouth. The kiss is teasing, a musing on a kiss, a deconstruction of a kiss. He eventually lets up a little. "How about 'nightingale'?" 

Seonghwa thinks its perfect. It's not a word they'd use in everyday conversation so if either of them said it, the other would know to back away and slow down. 

“I like it, pretty thing,” Seonghwa says, pulling his head down to his so he can kiss him again.They spend what feels like hours just kissing, touching and working each other up with soft words, tentative touches and bold eyes.

Yeosang works his way down Seonghwa’s body and goes down on him, wrapping his mouth around his cock and Seonghwa thinks he’s never looked more gorgeous.He watches, mesmerised, as Yeosang works himself up whilst sucking him off.He looks gone, completely lost in the sensation and feel of it and Seonghwa knows how that feels, how addictive it is because you’re the one in power, wielding the pleasure.

Yeosang is shaking when he pulls back off Seonghwa.His lips are red and slick with precum and saliva and his eyes are glazed. His cock is straining against his stomach and he hisses when Seonghwa touches him lightly.

“You are so incredibly gorgeous,” he tells Yeosang.“Fuck baby. Your mouth.”Yeosang leans forward then and kisses him. He tastes himself on Yeosang’s tongue and he deepens the kiss, holding him in place with a hand to the back of his neck, lost in their combined taste.Yeosang is hovering over him, back arched, bracing himself on Seonghwa’s thighs and he gives a low little growl when Seonghwa drifts his hand down so he could wrap it around Yeosang’s erection.

“No,” Yeosang says against his mouth.“Lie down. Or I’ll stop.”

So Seonghwa lies down and loses his mind as Yeosang sinks back down between his legs and proceeds to give Seonghwa the blowjob of his life. 

***

Much later after he makes Yeosang come twice more, after utterly wrecking him, after pressing wet kisses into his open mouth, after eliciting pornographic moans from him as he jerked him off and after whispering filthy dirty things in his ear ( _you’re mine now, pretty thing_ and _i’m going to make you feel so good when you let me fuck you_ and _god, i love the taste of your cock in my mouth_ and _i want you to fuck me too, soon, please, pretty thing_ ) and after finally, finally getting his mouth on his gorgeous ass, and after recklessly biting and sucking his marks into that clear smooth skin of his hips and thighs, did Seonghwa make them breakfast.

Yeosang is balancing on the edge of the counter next to the overblown bouquet of flowers he'd sent him, watching Seonghwa move around the kitchen. He’s wearing one of Seonghwa’s old dance t-shirts. It’s stretched out and too big on him and Seonghwa finds himself stopping often to just kiss him.And Yeosang lets him, kisses him back, by turns shy and adorably brazen, tugging at Seonghwa’s hand when he ignores him for too long, wrapping his legs around Seonghwa’s waist, trapping him against him and the counter and kissing him long and teasingly.

It’s so perfect and sweet and Seonghwa is so deeply sated and in love, he feels languid with it, heavy and drunk but a little high at the same time.

They are supposed to meet the others for a late afternoon picnic and although Yeosang had brought clothes it’s too warm for his skinny jeans so he makes swift work of one of Seonghwa’s old pairs of jeans. Seonghwa watches in shock as Yeosang measures, cuts and trims the legs so that they end just below his knees. Then he slashes the thighs with a sharp knife, fraying the cut edges.

“Can I borrow some of your paint?” he asks Seonghwa where he’s kneeling on the floor amidst the destroyed jeans. “And do you have any old brushes?”

“I only have acrylic,” he says, bemused, handing a shoebox full of tubes over.He watches Yeosang spread old newspapers on the floor before setting to work, decorating the jeans he was planning on throwing out. 

They transformed under his hands and when he hands Seonghwa a brush and tells him ‘paint me something’ Seonghwa set to it without question.Yeosang, once he was satisfied with the level of decoration sat back with a nod and looked over at Seonghwa.

“What did you write?” Seonghwa leans forward so he could read the lettering Yeosang had printed in a remarkably steady hand between the torn strips.

우리들은 모두

무엇이 되고 싶다.

너는 나에게 나는 너에게

잊혀지지 않는 하나의 눈짓이 되고 싶다.

Seonghwa had expected another sarcastic something, not a poem.Not a love poem.He looks down at the flowers he had speed painted all along the other leg and stared at Yeosang, wondering how they’d managed to paint the same poem without meaning to.One with words, the other with flowers.

“It was my mother’s favourite poem,” Yeosang told him, his eyes shining.“And I think now it’s mine too, because I think I understand it now.”

Seonghwa trailed his fingers over the words and read them out and if his fingers trembled a little, that was okay too, because Yeosang was staring at him with enormous eyes and a look far too tentative and scared for someone that young.

We all long to be something.

You, to me, and I, to you,

long to become a gaze that won’t be forgotten

Seonghwa reaches for him, blindly, carelessly, and pulls him into his lap, folding his arms around his waist, pressing him close and tucking his head into the crook of Yeosang’s neck.He has no words, none, and Yeosang just holds onto him tight.They sit like that for a few minutes, with Seonghwa fighting waves of something that swings wildly from anger that Yeosang could be that tentative about being loved and scared of loving someone in turn, to elation that Yeosang had, in a way, confessed to him. He closes his eyes and burrows deeper into his lovers arms whilst Yeosang runs a calming hand down his spine, letting Seonghwa settle against him.

“You good?” He presses his lips against Seonghwa’s bangs, peering down at him when he gets no answer. “Hwa, baby?”

“Hmm.”

“You’re very quiet.It’s not like you.”

“Can’t help it,” Seonghwa mutters into his skin.

“Okay.” Yeosang’s spreads his hand wider, pulling him closer, not understanding but offering nonetheless.“It’s okay, baby.I’m here.”

“You called me baby.”If Seonghwa’s voice is a little faint then so be it.It was all just a little too much.

He could feel Yeosang smile against cheek.“I know.Did you like it?”

“I dunno, it was unexpected. I am emotionally compromised so I didn’t get the full effect.”

Yeosang nudges him a little and he leans back to stare at him. Yeosang looks a little shy and there’s a flush riding his cheeks but he presses his lips to Seonghwa’s anyway.

“Oh no, baby, I’m sorry you were compromised. Are you feeling better now?”

“Yeah, thanks.” Seonghwa chases his lips and they waste time kissing and touching aimlessly.Eventually Yeosang pulls back and glances over his shoulder at the altered jeans behind them. It’s an obvious effort and Seonghwa is so impressed by it, he lets him go.

“Do you have a hairdryer? Some bits may still be wet and I don’t want to smudge my newly painted jeans.”

They raid Hongjoong’s room for a hairdryer and once they’ve almost burned the thing out, drying the paint on Yeosang’s jeans, they get dressed. Seonghwa in a pair of Bermuda shorts and a random t-shirt from his wardrobe that he pretends Yeosang doesn’t wince at.Yeosang pulls on one of his black t-shirtsemblazoned with the word **salvaged** in a vintage style font.Teamed with Seonghwa’s (now Yeosang’s) ancient ripped and altered jeans, and Yeosang’s classic Docs, he looks too fucking cute.Like a punk rock fairy with a bad attitude.And Seonghwa loves that he wears the outfit without an iota of self-consciousness.He somehow thinks that Yeosang could wear a bin bag and make it look good.

Yeosang grumbles a little when he sees the marks Seonghwa had left on his neck, some from earlier in the morning, but when Seonghwa hugs him from behind and licks at the one just under his jaw, his eyelids flutter close tellingly and Seonghwa smirks at him in the mirror, earning himself a slap.“I’m sorry,’ he says.“I should have asked before I did that.”

“I don’t mind. But they’ll have faded by the weekend,” he answers and when he sees Seonghwa’s eyes go wide in the mirror he turns to look at him, pressing close.“It’s fine. You can put them back when they do.”And Seonghwa lets out a little possessive growl and he presses him back against the mirror in the hallway and kisses him wildly, hands finding the tears in his jeans and he palms his thigh, dragging it high up against his hip and Yeosang lets out a shuddering moan.

“Fuck, Hwa, you have to stop or we’re never going to leave this apartment.”But he chases his mouth and sucks on Seonghwa’s tongue and Seonghwa can feel himself getting hard. Eventually Yeosang pushes him off and gets to the door, which he yanks open, almost desperately.“No, picnic, remember? With friends? Outside in the world.”

They stumble to the lift, giggling and a bit silly.Seonghwa doesn’t stop kissing Yeosang, little pecks, on his cheek and forehead and Yeosang puts up a struggle and goes ‘Ugh, Hwa, stop.” But he doesn’t seem to be protesting really. They get in the elevator and a lady from one of the floors above stares at them both, cuddling her little dog closer to her chest, her gaze lingering on Yeosang’s neck, going to Seonghwa who can’t help but square his shoulders, getting ready for a fight.He steps closer to the other boy, drops his hand to rest on his waist and just holds onto him. 

Yeosang just stares at her, his expression blank, whilst Seonghwa presses close to him.They exit the lift behind her and when she hesitates at the door to look over her shoulder at them, they both stop in their tracks.

She gives them another silent once over before she turns and buzzes the door open.The little dog in her arms squirms and she drops it to the ground, just as they move past her.

“Excuse me?”Her voice, when it comes is sweet, cultured.“Are you Yeosang? Kang Yeosang?”

Seonghwa stills in surprise at Yeosang’s side and they turn towards her in unison.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know who you are,” Yeosang says and his tone is the wind over the icy tundra cold.

Seonghwa steps towards her.He has no idea what he wants to do, but he’d punch her if she said anything to hurt Yeosang, he knew that without a doubt.Her gaze flickered to his before it moves back to Yeosang who’d angled himself so that Seonghwa was at his side.When she speaks again, her voice is calm and yet, sweet in tone and expression.

“Of course you won’t know me.I met you when you were very young.You were with your mother when I met you.You were maybe four years old?”

Yeosang doesn’t say anything.He just stares at the woman. Seonghwa can feel him vibrating with emotion.

“I’m sorry, but we really have to go,” Seonghwa says, lacing his fingers with Yeosang’s.“We have friends waiting.”

“Or course, I didn’t mean to hold you up.” She smiles properly at his words and there are unexpected dimples in her cheeks. She nods to Seonghwa, her eyes locking on their linked hands before she looks at Yeosang again.“And I’m sorry I stared at you.You just surprised me.You look so much like her.”

“I don’t remember,” Yeosang says then, surprising the woman.“I’m sorry, I don’t remember you.”

“Oh, that’s fine, honey.You were very small but such a sweetheart.My name is Min Eun-ha.” She swung her purse around and withdrew an elegant business card and handed it to Yeosang who took it and stared down at it. 

“You’re a photographer?”

“I am.”

“You took our family photos? I have one from around that age at home.”

She smiles wider at that.“That would be from me.I did a few formal ones but your father overruled them.He was adamant he didn’t want awful posed photos, like so many of his peers had in their homes.So I spent the weekend with you and your family and went through a lot of film shooting candids. It was a very special assignment for me.Your parents were lovely and loved you so much. I was very sad when I heard about the accident. I am truly sorry for your loss.”

Yeosang looks like he wants to either throw up or pass out at her words.He’s holding onto Seonghwa’s hand with a bruising grip.“Thank you,” Yeosang manages, his voice very low and strained. He bows a brief formal bow before straightening.“Thank you for telling me. We have to go now."

Eun-ha’s smile was kind.She flicked her gaze to Seonghwa.“Thank you for your time.Have fun with your friends today.”

She then tugs her little dog’s lead and he trots off behind her, heading away from the building on high tippy toes.

Yeosang watches her go before he turns to look at Seonghwa and lets out a heavy breath.

“Are you okay?”

Yeosang took an eternity to look up at him before nodding.Then he changed his mind.“No, I’m really not okay.”

“We can go back upstairs? The guys won’t mind.”Seonghwa turns, ready to head back towards the door but Yeosang tugs him back.

“No.I’m not fine, but it’s okay, Hwa. I’m not that fragile that I have to hide away." He finds both of Seonghwa's hands and hold them. "I haven't spoken to anyone about my parents in years, so hearing a complete stranger mention them, just. It took me by surprise. But really, I’m fine. I don’t want _this_ to mess up today, okay?”

Seonghwa stares back at him.The way Yeosang was holding himself, his shoulders a bit high, his back so very straight made him ache. He knows that posture and remembers it from when they first met and he remembers how long it took for this boy who guards himself so well to drop those shoulders a little lower. 

“Are you sure, babe? The guys will understand if I tell them we don’t want to come out and join them.”

“Hah, they will be merciless this whole week if we hide from them when they know we spent the night having all kinds of fun,” Yeosang says blithely.And his smile isn’t 100% full wattage, but it’s a good smile anyway and it does what it’s meant to do.

“What?” Seonghwa blinks.“How would they know?”

“I told them,” Yeosang says, his tone so careless, and completely taking the wind from Seonghwa's sails.“I thought they ought to know.”

“You what now?”

Seonghwa let himself be pulled along with heavy feet down the sidewalk.He was staring at Yeosang and Yeosang was pretending not to blush wildly.

“Well, I didn’t really _tell_ them, tell them.It’s more like I sent the group chat photographic evidence.”

Seonghwa couldn’t quite believe him.He fished mutely for his phone and saw that it was turned off completely.He turns his eyes back to Yeosang.

“Did you turn off my phone?”

Yeosang only blinks at him innocently, biting his lip looking too cute to be healthy for anyone’s heart, Seonghwa’s especially.

“Pretty thing, what did you do?”

Seonghwa pulls him close and turns his phone back on with the other hand.A bombardment of messages go off on his phone.All from the group chat.He opens the chat and doesn’t bother reading the messages, he just scrolls through until he finds what he’s looking for.

The photo takes a moment to sink in. Yeosang is very still at his side and Seonghwa can feel Yeosang watching him.Seonghwa takes a deep breath and holds it, his hand tightening around his phone, before he looks at Yeosang.

“You really are chaotic evil, aren’t you?”And then he kisses him, laughing incredulously.“Please, never ever change.”

He looks down at the photo again, grinning.Yeosang was lying snuggled against Seonghwa, with his head on his shoulder.Yeosang’s lips were swollen and red, visible even in the grey early morning light.Yeosang had angled the camera so that it focusses on him, with Seonghwa visible just behind him, a little blurry.But it is Yeosang staring at the camera, looking a little shy but very self-satisfied, that draws the eye.That, and the love bites Seonghwa had sucked all over his neck and collarbones.His boy looks like sin.He’d captioned the photo: _Got lucky last night.We’ll be late to the picnic_.

“Have you read any of the comments?” He asks Yeosang who is grinning quietly to himself.

“No. I turned my phone off the second I sent it.Then I woke you up with a blowjob.”

“Jesus, fuck.” Seonghwa pushes his phone back into his pocket.“Say blowjob again.”

He watches the flush creep along Yeosang’s neck. He wants to chase it with his lips, but he holds back.“Blowjob,” Yeosang says, his lips forming the perfect o’s as he speaks the syllables.It was hot as fuck. 

“Okay, so,” Seonghwa says, tilting his head up to look at the sky, blinking at emotions.“There are words that are not appropriate to say around me.That’s one of them.”

Yeosang breaks into giggles then.“Any others?”

‘Sorry, I can’t think.I’m just remembering your perfect mouth on me.”

It makes Yeosang blush harder and laugh even harder.He pulls out of Seonghwa’s grip as he tries to reel him closer for another kiss. 

“Come on.I want to show off my outfit.Can we go now?”

Seonghwa lets him get cajoled along for a few metres before he falls in beside Yeosang.

“Thank you,” Yeosang says after a few minutes of walking. 

“What for?”

“For being with me. For wanting to fight her for me.”

“You didn’t need me,” Seonghwa says and it’s true.“You did so well, baby.I would’ve been floored by a stranger coming up to me like that.”

“Hmm,” Yeosang says and he leans against Seonghwa’s shoulder as they walk.“I would have been but you being there really helped.So thank you.” He leans up and presses a kiss against Seonghwa’s jaw.

They stop off at the market near the river and buy snacks and bowls of ready prepared fruit.When they eventually find the others they’re met with lewd wolf whistles and cat calls.Seonghwa just hangs his head in exasperation but Yeosang goes on the offence, strutting up to them, head high, hips swaying, his hand possessively in Seonghwa’s back pocket. 

“Hey losers,” he greets them and sinks down on the blankets.“We bring snacks and fruit.Behold our benevolence.We left our sex dungeon to be with you this day.So you better appreciate it.”

“Sex dungeon?” San cries, overly loud, making other people picnicking nearby look over in horror.

“Oh my god,” Seonghwa mutters to himself, wondering how fast he could speedwalk away from them all but Yeosang grabs hold of him and yanks him down so that he falls down next to him, inelegantly. 

“Yes, do we get to see this sex dungeon or…?” Mingi asks, no less loud than San, drawing more looks because his voice is deep.

“Joongie, why didn’t ever tell me Seonghwa has a sex dungeon?” Yunho asks Hongjoong who was trying to get his breath back after chocking on air.

“Babe, can we go see their sex dungeon?” Jongho desmands in a whiney voice and Wooyoung looks like he too wants to die because people are staring. 

“There is NO SEX DUNGEON,” Seonghwa yells.“Can we all just stop saying sex dungeon, goddamn.”

And that is how the picnic starts.It’s lucky that no one calls the police to have them escorted away from the park for being too noisy and ridiculous.

***

The week after is as busy as the week before the showcase because they’re more than halfway through the semester and people are panicking about upcoming exams and long-ass papers being due.The professors seem hell-bent on destroying everyone’s lives before summer break and just keep adding more to the workload. 

Seonghwa only sees Yeosang during the day when they manage to meet for lunch off-campus at the coffee shop they went to the first time. Seonghwa feels starved of Yeosang. He can’t sleep at all and instead he draws and paints and he stumbles into class clutching coffee so thick and dark, he can barely bring himself to drink it, but he needs it. 

Yeosang is busy with his classes and meetings with his professors, talking to them about his designs, the show he’s planning for the end of the semester and finishing coursework so he had the coming weekend free.He’s stressed and irritable but when he sees Seonghwa waiting for him in the coffeeshop, he seems to remember to breathe.

By the time Friday rolls around, Seonghwa feels like he’s dying.He packs his clothes, choosing carefully which jeans to take, what shirts. He folds the suit and shirts from Yeosang carefully into the suitcase and he spends far too long trying to decide which shoes to take. 

He gets a call from Yeosang just before one to tell him he’s on his way.He looks around his room one last time before he heads out.The elevator opens and he hesitates for a moment when he recognised Eun-ha.She’s got a large bag slung over one shoulder and she’s dressed in fraying jeans, t-shirt and linen jacket. 

“Eun-ha- _ssi_ ,” Seonghwa greets her as he wheels his bag into the elevator. 

“It is good to see you again,” she says, smiling at him.“Running away for the weekend?”

“Yes,” he says, nodding, cursing his own luck for running into her.Her eyes were knowing as she stared at him, then at the case. 

“You don’t like me, do you?”

Seonghwa felt himself flush at her words.He stares at her for a few seconds then he shook his head.“No, I don’t.You scared Yeosang. I don’t like that.”

“That was not my intention.You have to understand.”Eun-ha put her bag down carefully on the ground.“Cameras and lenses,” she says by way of explanation.“I’ve got a photoshoot today.”

Seonghwa doesn’t respond and he aches with how rude he’s being but her gaze doesn’t leave his face.

“What do you know about Yeosang’s family?”

“It is none of my business, or yours,” he says, his hand tightening on his wheelie case’s handle. “Please do not gossip.”

“If you’re going where I think you’re going, you need to know this.No, just, let me say this, please.” Her eyes met his.“Be careful of them.They are not good people.They treated Yeosang’s parents very badly.It broke my heart when I heard they died and that he had to live with them.”She moved closer and her voice dropped even more.Seonghwa wanted to shove her away, block his ears somehow but there was nowhere to go and as much as he wanted to punch her, he didn’t want to get arrested.“I know you love him, that was much was obvious when I met you the other day.So, if you’re going to the island today, don’t leave him alone with them for one second.”

The doors opened and she stepped out smartly, her large bag back over her shoulder.She didn’t look back when she pushed through the doors and headed to a large silver Mercedes idling at the curb. 

Seonghwa watched her go feeling sick. He got out of the elevator and trailed his bag behind him, desperately trying not to think about what she had just said.He ran a hand over his face and put his sunglasses on to shield his eyes from the harsh midday sun.A dark SUV came to a stop at the curb and Kim, the driver from the other night, jumped out and ran around to open the door for him.

“Mr. Park, good to see you again,” the man said, grabbing Seonghwa’s bag and putting it in the boot. 

“Hey, Hwa,” Yeosang calls from inside the car.“You okay out there?”

“Yes,” he says, putting a smile on his face.“Yes, of course, why wouldn’t I be okay?”

He gets in and Kim slams the door shut behind him before running back round and getting behind the wheel. 

“You just looked so angry,” Yeosang says, giving him a smile.He moves so he could sit sideways a little.He brings both hands up to Seonghwa’s face and brushes his thumbs over the crease still drawing Seonghwa’s brows together.“Don’t frown.You’ll get wrinkles.”

Seonghwa stares at him.Stares into those hazel eyes and he wonders.Then he leans forward and kisses him.Not hard, not a claiming kind of kiss, just a soft sweet kiss with no tongue, no teeth, just a soft gentle pressure.It surprises Yeosang, but his mouth opens a little, the tiniest fraction, and then he kisses Seonghwa back, equally sweet and a little shy. 

“Hi,” he says, dipping his chin. 

“I missed you,” Seonghwa tells him.“You look so good.”He drags his eyes over Yeosang’s black linen shirt that’s tucked into a pair of black jeans. “You smell so good.”

“You do too,” Yeosang says, his eyes a little bold as he takes in Seonghwa’s own button down shirt and light blue jeans.“You clean up well, Hwa.”

“Didn’t want to embarrass you,” he said, grinning at him. 

“Like you could,” Yeosang answers smoothly, straightening in his seat, but keeping his hand linked with Seonghwa’s.

Seonghwa watches the signboard for the airport go by and frowns at Yeosang. 

“We missed the turnoff,” he says, pointing back over his shoulder. 

“What for?”

“The airport.”

“Oh, no.We’re not travelling from Incheon,” Yeosang says with a grin. 

“What? Then what?”But Yeosang refuses to answer and Seonghwa catches the driver’s eye and sees the man smiling at them.“Kim, you have to tell me.”

“I’m sure I don’t know what you’re talking about, sir,” the man says and smoothly increases the sound of music in the back, drowning out Seonghwa’s words. 

They do eventually pull off the highway and head out towards the countryside.His eyes go wide when he sees the sign _something something private airfield_ and he turns to stare at Yeosang.

“Private airfield?”

Yeosang just nods at him and squeezes his hand a little.Seonghwa decides to keep quiet and wait.Kim drives them through a set of security gates after stopping and speaking with the security guard and flashing something at the man.They pull up outside a modern looking building and Seonghwa watches in a daze as Kim opens the door for them, before going round the back and taking out both their bags.He follows them into the building and after Yeosang speaks with one of the attendants, they’re shown to a small lounge area.Kim wishes them a good journey after bowing and assures Yeosang that he’d be picking them up again on Sunday.Seonghwa watched him walk away.

“Where did our bags go?” Seonghwa asks Yeosang who is pouring them each a drink from a small spread.

“To the plane.We’ll be in the air soon, don’t worry.”

“Kang Yeosang.”

Yeosang looks up at him with studied innocence, complete with quirked eyebrow and dimples at the corner of his mouth.Clear indication that he’s trying his best not to laugh. 

“What is going on? Why are we here and not at Incheon?”

“Because, Hwa.I don’t fly commercial.Not even first class commercial.”

“So what? You have your own plane?”Seonghwa shouldn’t be freaking out but he feels like he will be in a minute.

“Technically, yes.”

“Technically, what does that mean?”Seonghwa stalks towards him, catching him by the hips and pulling him close.“Baby, what’s going on?”

“I’m flying you to Jeju Island on my private jet, Hwa. Not my family’s private jet, but mine.”

Yeosang hands him his coffee and steps away from Seonghwa, a little reluctantly.“Here, drink this.It will help.”

“You have a…” Seonghwa sits down heavily.“This is crazy, right?”

Yeosang sits down opposite him.“Wooyoung never told you?”Yeosang is starting at him, his eyes big.“Jongho never mentioned it? Who my family is?"

“Jesus, Yeosangie. No one told me anything.What are you going on about?”

“Hwa, I’m the heir to Kang Industries on my father’s side.On my mother’s side, I am the heir to the Baek Group. I’m a chaebol twice over.”

It didn’t really sink it.Yeosang didn’t look away from him, watching him intently. “But,” Seonghwa says and stares at him.“You’re just so?”

“If you’re going to say, normal, I will kick your ass,” Yeosang mutters, his expression worried.“Look, I know it’s a lot to take in."

“It’s a lot.”Seonghwa shakes his head.He stands up and shoves his hands in his pockets.“It’s a whole fucking lot.Jesus, Sangie.”

“I need you to not freak out,” Yeosang says and why is his voice so calm? Seonghwa feels like his world view has somehow got roundhouse kicked in the face.“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.”

Seonghwa turns to look at him.He sees the stiff back, the worried expression, the way he’s watching Seonghwa like he's bracing himself for a physical attack and suddenly Seonghwa knows.He knows why Yeosang never told him, or any of the others.He gets it, but it hurts and it makes him feel angry.Then he tells himself soundly that he ought not to blame Yeosang for not sharing something this big with him.That his anger was misplaced because obviously something had happened to Yeosang, to keep him from telling him something this big about himself. He takes a few long moments to think about what Yeosang had said, and he thought about how it would impact them, their relationship.And he realises, he did’t give a shit.He didn’t care that Yeosang was possibly one of the wealthiest men in South Korea, if not this part of the world.Because it didn’t affect what he felt for him.And then Seonghwa walks towards him and pulls him into a hug, wrapping both arms around him and presses his face into Yeosang’s neck.

“Okay.”

Yeosang is very very still in his arms.“Okay?”His breath ghosts over Seonghwa’s ear making him shiver.“Just like that? It’s okay?”

Seonghwa leans back so he can stare down into Yeosang’s face. “I know who _you_ are, Sangie. I don’t care about any of the other stuff.It’s none of my business. I was kinda gone on you from the second you spoke to me. So yeah.” He shrugs a little before pressing a kiss to his forehead.“I don’t care at all.As long as it doesn’t change what we’ve got, then whatever.”

“Oh.” Yeosang stares at him, clearly taken aback.“That’s it?”

“I mean, it’s a shock.And I’ll definitely make you pay for all our take-aways from now on, but yeah, that’s it, pretty thing.I get why you didn’t tell me.”

And the relief on Yeosang's face is so big, Seonghwa wants to cry. Someone had hurt this boy in the past and if he ever met them, he was going to fuck them up. 

They were still standing, arms wrapped around one another, when the same attendant as before comes in and smiles at them. 

“Your plane is ready, Mr. Kang, Mr, Park.Please follow me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The poem Yeosang writes on the jeans is called The Flower by Kim Chun-soo - it is one of my favourite poems and I felt it fit really well here. If you read the full poem - easy to find, it reflects on two strangers coming together, meeting and not really knowing one another and by the end of the poem there's this need between the poet and the stranger, to no longer be alone. It's powerful stuff. I love it utterly and I hope you can see how it fits with our boys. And of course, it's called The Flower and so that is why Seonghwa is pleased that he had somehow decided to draw these elaborate flowers on the jeans, accidentally mirroring Yeosang's poem.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've updated the tags a little to reflect the chaebol situation, the fact that there are new original characters and such, nothing too serious! 
> 
> Hoping you still love it!? I'm craving those kudos and comments and hits. Makes me a very happy writer.

The flight is short and pleasant.They are fed well and the flight attendant had the talent to be on hand without hovering and Seonghwa loved her for her subtlety.She clearly knew it was his first time on a private jet and made him as comfortable as she could without being obvious about it, pointing out the rest room and showed him around the galley.Yeosang pretended to sleep, his massive headphones on, but when Seonghwa sat down next to him, he reached for him, lacing their hands together and held on tight. 

They land at another private runway.Another black SUV waits for them on the runway, with a second one parked sideways, doors open and four armed guards waiting.Seonghwa is grateful for his sunglasses but even so he tries not to stare as Yeosang is greeted by a driver and a guard, both bowing low to him.The other four men watch them impassively.They’re dressed in black suits, black ties and white dress shirts so bright they hurt Seonghwa’s eyes even with the sunglasses on.

The guard opens the door for them, nodding to Seonghwa as he climbs in after Yeosang and slams the door shut.Yeosang is very quiet as they pull away, the second SUV following behind.They get to the security gate and the guard beside the driver says something into his earpiece and a third SUV pulls out from beside the guardhouse, leading the way.

“Is this really necessary?” Seonghwa asks Yeosang, his voice a barely there whisper.

“I don’t know.Sometimes security around us is tighter than usual. Grandfather is probably in the process of taking over another company so he thinks it’s a good idea to have more men around and visible.”Yeosang sounds tired, irritable by the display, and possibly a little embarrassed. 

Seonghwa isn’t sure what to say at that.But something occurs to him then.“So, you’re at college, without any guards?”

“I’ll tell you about it later.” Yeosang realises as soon as he speaks that his voice sounds dismissiveand more than a little irritable and he immediately turns to Seonghwa.“I’m sorry. I’m being an asshole.When we’re home, you can ask all the questions and I’ll answer them.”

Seonghwa gives him a quick grin and just nods.He’s desperate to touch Yeosang but he doesn’t know if he’s allowed, not when the guard and the driver was right there.Yeosang wasn’t out to his family and he didn’t want to make him uncomfortable around people who were effectively strangers.

He looks out the window at the scenery as it goes by. His geography of Jeju Island is not great but they drive for about forty minutes in convoy, before they pull up outside a pair of large electronic security gates.Two guards came out to check the interior of each car and when they see Yeosang they bow politely and wave them through.The driveway to the front of the house is long.The gardens are huge, well kept and, Seonghwa thinks, they must employ an army of gardeners. The house itself is large and modern, more a villa.It looks like someone scooped up a large Mediterranean villa on the shores of Lake Como and carried it halfway across the world and deposited it here. 

As they come to a halt, the driver looks at them in the rearview mirror.

“Your grandfather is expecting you.He’s in his study.We’ll bring in your luggage, Mr. Kang- _ssi_.”

Yeosang nods at this, his mouth thinning into a straight line as he presses his lips together.The guard jumps out and opens the car door for them.

Seonghwa, again, grateful for his sunglasses, does his best not to gape as he steps out of the car.Yeosang gives him a careful look as he gets out of the car.

“Okay?” They say simultaneously, then grinning.

“Totally green,” Yeosang says, making Seonghwa laugh.“With orange hovering up ahead.Come on, let’s go, get this over with.”

Seonghwa loses his breath for a second as Yeosang starts walking, his hand naturally slipping into Seonghwa’s. For a second he looks down at his hand clasped lightly in Seonghwa’s and he shoots him a look, an eyebrow lightly raised. _Is this okay?_ And Seonghwa smiles, nods and then they’re off, walking side by side up marble stairs and through the huge towering double doors that stand invitingly open.

The interior is opulently minimalist.Lots of whites, billowing sheer curtains, marble and splashes of colour here and there.The art they pass is all stunning, quite possibly real antiques, and Seonghwa gapes openly now, and it makes Yeosang laugh softly.

“You’ll have a chance to check it all out.You can talk to Grandfather’s man about them.He buys the art for all the houses.”

“Houses?” Seonghwa says, to make sure he heard that right.“Plural houses?”

Yeosang affects an air of louche nonchalance, hand on hip as they pause at a beautiful sculpture that looked like it came from a museum. Seonghwa can swear it’s a Rodin but he’s distracted by Yeosang. “Darling, who has only one house? Living in one place is just so _very_ pedestrian.”

Seonghwa yanks him closer.“Yah, don’t be a brat,” he whispers, bending Yeosang backwards a little as he leans over him.“It doesn’t suit that pretty mouth at all.”

Yeosang stares up at him, his eyes huge, their colour intense. It’s the most they’ve touched since the weekend and Seonghwa is desperate to kiss him breathless but they straighten and separate when they hear footsteps near.

A woman dressed formally in a black dress with a white Peter Pan collar walks towards them.Her make-up is subtle and she has eyes only for Yeosang and when she’s close enough, she opens her arms and Yeosang reluctantly steps towards her.

“Miss Angie,” he says and lets her hug him.“I didn’t think you’d be here.” He moves away from her after a few seconds, but doesn’t let go of her hand. 

“I came to help with the party,” she says with a smile, but her eyes are worried.“But I also came because I heard you’d be here.I wanted to make sure you are doing well.”

Yeosang smiles at her and he turns and beckons Seonghwa closer. 

“Miss Angie, this is my…this is my…good friend,Park Seonghwa.”But the way he hesitates over calling Seonghwa his good friend is obvious.He wanted to call him his boyfriend and Seonghwa wanted to growl low and possessively at the mere _thought_ of it, oh my god.

The woman opens her mouth to say something but nothing comes out.She closes her mouth again, stares at Yeosang for a moment and then at Seonghwa who stares at her mutely, his face carefully cool and calm.

“Please, call me Seonghwa,” Seonghwa says, bowing politely.“It is good to meet you.” He doesn’t know how to address her because he doesn’t know her relationship to Yeosang, so he leaves off any honorifics and it makes him feel uncomfortable. 

“Friend? Maybe boyfriend?” She says and whatever Yeosang expects he clearly did not expect the woman to start laughing.She presses a hand to her mouth, her laughter loud and unaffected.“Oh, my dear child.You are so perfect.”Then she turns to Seonghwa and before he can move, she’s hugging him, hard.“I am very happy to meet you.You are almost handsome enough for my Sangie.” Then she’s got her hands on his face and she’s holding him so that he can stare down at her and the full force of her gaze staggers him a little.There is real depth of feeling there. “But I will tell you now, that if you hurt him, no one will ever be able to find your body.”She pats his cheek then, possibly a bit too hard, before she turns before she takes them each by the hand and leads them further into the house.Seonghwa shoots Yeosang a look of horror but the vague smile he gets back in return doesn’t make him feel any better.

The place is cavernous, with a great many rooms that are beautifully furnished but look unused. Seonghwa spots a room with a piano. It overlooks a smaller garden, possibly a courtyard? He spies a fountain before he’s pulled away. 

“Your grandfather has been waiting for you all day,” Miss Angie says.“He’s been driving us crazy.”

“He knew what time we’d be arriving,” Yeosang mutters.“I sent him the flight information last week already. He has the tail number, he could have checked.”

“When has he ever done anything to make our lives easier?” The woman shakes her head and Seonghwa really likes her, even if she threatened his life, whilst smiling and squishing his cheeks.

She stops before a set of double doors, before knocking and entering, rather dramatically, Seonghwa thinks.They follow behind her and for a moment he is stunned. 

The study they’ve entered is huge.It looks like a private members club, with high ceilings, a lazy fan rotating from the ceiling.The floor to ceiling bookcases are lined with books and there’s art everywhere, small knick knacks, busts, a painting that Seonghwa thinks is possibly from one of Monet’s students. 

A large desk dominates the room and behind it sits Yeosang’s grandfather.Seonghwa had expected an elderly frail man, possibly bedridden, but what greets him is a tall angular man dressed in a light suit, suitable for the weather.He is old, but he still has a thick head of silvery grey hair, and very dark piercing eyes.Yeosang doesn’t look a thing like his grandfather or if there was a family resemblance, Seonghwa couldn’t see it.

He looks up when they enter and Seonghwa feels like he had somehow faded from existence because the man only has eyes for Yeosang.

“Miss Angie,” the man said and his voice was a low gravel.“Is this my grandson? Or is it a figment of my ailing imagination?”

Miss Angie pressed her lips together as she stands beside the desk, her hands folder before her. 

“It is indeed Yeosang, Chairman Baek.”

“I haven’t seen him in over a year, Miss Angie.How can I be sure it’s him and not some imposter?”

Yeosang rolls his eyes and moves towards his grandfather.“Grandfather,” he said, bowing stiffly, both hands at his side.“It is good to see you.”

“Is it?” The Chairman of Baek Group stands and moves carefully around the desk.“Have you grown manners in the past year? I recall you storming out of my office in anger and telling me that you’d only see me when I was dead.”He turned to look at Miss Angie.“Did I die? Is this why he is here?”

“Chairman,” she says, the same time Yeosang makes an impatient noise in his throat and says: “Grandfather.”

The man waves a hand as if to wave whatever either one of them wanted to say.“I don’t care. I am allowed my foul tempers. I am old and I am tired.” He sits down in one of the comfortable leather armchairs, his gaze flicking to Seonghwa.“And who is this?”

“Park Seonghwa, sir,” he says, bowing as formally as Yeosang had, if not more so.“I’m a friend of Yeosang’s from college.”

“Hmm,” Baek Min-Jun frowned at him.“And who are your people? Are you from the Gyenggi Parks?”

“No, sir.I’m from Jinju. You won’t know my family.”

This peaks the chairman’s interest and he leans closer.“Oh? Are they poor?”

Grandfather,” Yeosang cut him off.“That is incredibly rude and inappropriate.He is a friend and our guest.You do not get to ask him questions like that.”

Seonghwa feels his chest swell at Yeosang’s words but he steps forward a little.“Yeosang, it’s fine.” He doesn’t touch him, but he pushes his feelings outwards, towards Yeosang, willing him to realise that he was okay.“I’m not from a wealthy family, Chairman Baek- _ssi_ , but my mother made sure I grew up well.I did not lack for anything.”

“A single parent?” Chairman Baek presses his lips together.“She must be strong willed to have raised a son by herself.”

“She is very strong, sir.The strongest and most talented person I know.”

“What does she do?”

“She’s an artist, like me.”

Chairman Baek doesn’t say anything for some time before he nods.“Interesting. What do you think of that?”

 _That_ is the painting Seonghwa spotted the moment he walked into the room.It was large, approximately 39 by 120 inches in size.The canvas was framed by a beautiful antique golden frame.With a look asking for permission from Chairman Baek he moves closer to the painting and he felt his breath stutter.This close he could see the sureness of the brush strokes, the use of technique blending with colour to produce something truly breathtaking.

The painting showed an impressionist view of water lilies on a pond.It was a Monet without a doubt. No one used light that way, no one had an eye like that, not even those he influenced with his own art, or those producing fakes.And Seonghwa knew which one it was.It had sold in 2008 to a private collector in London.His lecturer spent several classes talking to them about Monet, his life, the political climate he lived in and how it reflected in the art he produced.Seonghwa could still hear the man’s voice as he spoke.

“It’s a Monet,” Seonghwa tells him, as if the Chairman doesn’t know.“It’s one of his painting in his lilies on the pond series.This one is called Le Bassin aux Nympheas. It was sold in London in 2008 to a private collector for a record breaking amount of money.” He turns to look at the Chairman.“It’s beautiful.Thank you for allowing me to look at it so closely.It is a rare treat.”

He catches Yeosang’s eye and there is something searing in his gaze, but he snaps his eyes away the moment his grandfather speaks.

“So you know art,” he says, dismissively as if any yokel would be able to identify a Monet from a Manet.“What of your own art? What makes you think you are any good, that you can call yourself an artist?”

“Grandfather, please. Enough with the questions.This isn’t an interrogation.” Yeosang is flushed and he looks genuinely annoyed. "Please be civil to my friends."

They’re interrupted by a knock on the door and one of the guards opened the door a little so he could step into the room.

“Sir, young Master Park is on his way. He should be here in a few hours. He’s taken the boat as scheduled.His team just radioed in.”

The Chairman acknowledges the man with a nod and waves him out.

“Your brother is on his way,” he says.“Try to be civil to each other when he arrives.We have guests tomorrow so I want to ensure that no one leaves here with the wrong impression of the family, is that clear? I will remind you of your responsibilities as my heir and to not disappoint me or the members of the board. I will not tolerate any disobedience, Yeosang.You know what will happen if either of you step out of line.”

Yeosang doesn’t reply.He merely jerks his chin at Seonghwa, bows briefly in the most ‘fuck you’ way Seonghwa could imagine and stalks out of the room.Seonghwa sketches the chairman a hurried bow, shoots a confused glance at Miss Angie before he follows Yeosang out.

Yeosang is almost running when Seonghwa catches up with him.He doesn’t say anything, he doesn’t grab his hand like he wants to, instead he just keeps up with him until they get to the large staircase that leads up to the other floors. 

A uniformed woman, Seonghwa had no idea what to call her (servant? maid?), spotted them and smiled sweetly and bowed at Yeosang.

“Yeosang- _ssi_.We prepared your usual rooms for you and your friend.Miss Angie had chef send up some snacks too, in case you were hungry after your flight.”

Yeosang gives her a distracted thanks and leads Seonghwa up the stairs, down several passages and then into a suite of bright and airy rooms.Seonghwa takes a cursory glance around the room, it was bigger than his entire apartment and seemed to be a private lounge area with doors leading off it. The view was stunning. He could see the beach and sea beyond it. He takes it all in within seconds but then he's turning back to the boy who's standing to the side, in the middle of the room, looking so deeply lost it breaks his heart. 

“Sangie,” he says.“If you want to leave…I’m happy to catch a boat back or a plane or hike, or whatever. You don’t have to go through this shit.”

Yeosang seems to come back to him from far away and stares at him for a moment, his mind clearly on other things.But then he gives a half-smile and a shake of his head. 

“No, I’m sorry.I’m sorry, Hwa, that you had to endure that.He’s getting worse the older he gets. I can send you back home by plane and arrange a car to take you back to your apartment.You really don’t have to endure this,” he gestures vaguely.“This utter sham of a family.”

Seonghwa catches his hand in his and pulls him close, tucking Yeosang’s head beneath his chin.

“No. If you stay, I stay. I’m made of tough stuff.” Seonghwa pressed a kiss against his bangs. “He’s not that bad.”

“God, Hwa.I’m so sorry.The things he said.” Yeosang was trembling against him. 

“It’s nothing. I don’t care. He can’t touch me.” Seonghwa looks down at him.“The only opinion in this house that matters to me, is yours.”

Yeosang draws a shuddering breath.

“You’re too good for me,” he says, curling a fist into his shirt.  "You deserve better."

“Talk rubbish like that again and I will kick your ass. Besides, you did promise me dinner somewhere nice tonight, so,” Seonghwa teases him.“So I definitely want to stay for that.”

“God, so fickle,” Yeosang mutters but he’s smiling.He leans up, pouting a little and blinks enticingly.“Kiss me?”

And so Seonghwa does.The kiss starts slow, like an ember realising it has an entire forest to burn down, and the kiss gradually grows into soft moans and gasps as he completely dominates Yeosang, pushing him down onto the soft leather couch and ravages his mouth and neck and slowly goes about unbuttoning his shirt. 

“I have missed you so much,” he mutters against his skin, tongue trailing hotly over Yeosang’s nipples, making him moan.“I had to keep myself busy all the time because all I could think of was you. Your moans, your mouth, your skin under my hands.” He spread his hands on either side of Yeosang’s middle, mapping the planes of his stomach, thumbs rubbing circles around the fading bruises he left there the previous week.“I stood in the shower this morning and I could feel your mouth on me. I closed my eyes and touched myself and imagined it was you.”

“You…you did?”Yeosang’s eyes were huge and his cheeks were flushed a pretty pink.“Did youcome?”

“No.I haven’t jerked off this whole week.” Seonghwa admitted, leaning over him.“I did’t want to do anything without you.”

“Baby,” Yeosang says, leaning up to kiss him again and it’s wet and hot and Seonghwa gives himself over to the feeling of it, to remembering what Yeosang tasted like, and it is so good and so perfect. 

He runs a hand down between Yeosang’s legs, his thumb rubbing hard over his erection trapped in his jeans, and gets a groan from him.His boy was so hard for him, just from kissing and Seonghwa felt like he was floating on air.With his mouth still on Yeosang’s he pushes his hand inside his jeans and stops.

“No underwear? Pretty thing, you’re such a little slut for me,” he mutters softly, delighted.“But it makes things so much easier. God, I need you in my mouth.”

He tugs one of the cushions off the sofa and settles down on it, pulling Yeosang into an upright position.“Take your jeans off for me,” he instructs and helps Yeosang stand, used to how wobbly he gets when he’s been kissed. “Good boy, you’re so beautiful.” He rubs a finger lightly over Yeosang’s head, making him gasp.“Baby, look at me.”He meets Yeosang’s eyes and smiles at him, letting his tongue curl around his cock as he stares up at him.“I’ve wanted to do this since I saw you today.”

“Your mouth,” Yeosang says and it’s a soft murmur.He looks gone.He lifts a hand to Seonghwa’s face, cupping his jaw, thumb pressing against his lower lip.“If I could write poetry, I’d write odes to your mouth, Hwa.”

Seonghwa closes his eyes then and messily sucks Yeosang’s thumb, making him groan, before he switches and reaches for Yeosang’s pretty cock and sucking it into his mouth.He’s sloppy and loud and Yeosang makes no effort to stay quiet either.It’s so fucking hot.He pushes Yeosang back down on the couch and shuffles closer.Yeosang sinks lower on the couch, his legs spread wide to allow Seonghwa all the space he needs and Seonghwa just takes.He has both hands on Yeosang’s thighs and he’s holding him down as he fucks his mouth down onto Yeosang’s cock. 

Yeosang is staring down at him, down along the length of his lean torso, his eyes burning with an intensity that leaves Seonghwa breathless.Seonghwa keeps watching him, watches every micro expression on his beautiful face, takes note how his breath hitches when Seonghwa licks like _this_ or laps like _that_. 

“I’m gonna come,” Yeosang mutters, so softly it’s almost a prayer. “Hwa, baby, fuck, if you don’t stop now I’m gonna come down your throat.”

Seonghwa moans at that, completely gone, living for the hot thick cock in his mouth, for Yeosang’s soft moans, his hands tangled in Seonghwa’s hair tugging softly and then, finally, that deep slide further into his throat that Seonghwa takes and swallows around, breathing through his nose, eyelids fluttering upwards so he can see Yeosang arching above him as he spills into Seonghwa’s mouth. 

Seonghwa sucks him off, smiling around his length as Yeosang stares at him, his expression incredulous and a little shocked.When Seonghwa pulls off he makes sure to do it with a plop and a show of licking his lips, using his thumb to catch a stray splash of cum that escaped his mouth, sucking it into his mouth.

“Fucking hell,” Yeosang mutters, pushing a hand through his hair and leaning back against the couch as he struggles to get his breathing back under control.“You will be the death of me.”

“What a way to go though?” Seonghwa says with a grin as he straightens, picking up the cushion and tossing it onto the couch.He sits down next to Yeosang who looks completely blissed out.Yeosang is still wearing his black linen button-down but Seonghwa had opened it completely and he’s not wearing anything else and he looks so utterly fucked Seonghwa feels a flash of pride.

“You feeling better, pretty thing?” He runs his fingers through Yeosang’s hair, letting his thumb rub circles against his skull. 

“So much,” he hums, content.“I don’t think I can move.”

“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want,” Seonghwa tells him, softly, kissing his jaw. 

“What about you?” Yeosang asks, rolling his head to look at Seonghwa.“You’re still hard.”

He shrugs.“I’m okay, just relax.You want to nap?”

Yeosang closes his eyes and nods.“So much. I’ve hardly had any sleep this week.”

“Me either.Come.Show me where the bedroom is.Let’s nap for an hour or so.”

Yeosang stands only after Seonghwa hauls him upright, muttering and a bit grumbly but he leads Seonghwa to one of the doors off the main living room.

“My room when I’m here,” he says, waving vaguely.“There is another bedroom too, so if you want to pretend we’re not sleeping together, you can put your stuff in there.”

Seonghwa takes in the bedroom.Whites and Mediterranean blues are everywhere.Yeosang’s bed is all crisp white sheets and he glances at him where he stands at the side of the bed.

“Do you want me to pretend we’re not sleeping together?”

Yeosang’s eyes swing to his, all sleepiness suddenly gone.His teeth come down on his lower lip and he worries at it for a few seconds, giving it some thought.Then he shakes his head.

“I don’t care what they think.Stay here, sleep with me.”

Seonghwa walks towards him and pushes him onto the bed.“If you’re okay with it, then I’m okay with it.Now, nap time, though.”

Yeosang nods mutely, eyes on Seonghwa as he strips methodically, keeping his boxers on, and crawls onto the bed with him.It takes no time at all for Yeosang to curl up against him, a soft contented smile on his face.

***

They leave the house with the driver and one guard at Miss Angie’s insistence.Yeosang had made a reservation for dinner at a seaside restaurant earlier the week he tells Seonghwa as they sit in the back of the large SUV.

Seonghwa couldn’t care less.Yeosang looks gorgeous and his hands itch. He wants him on his lap, he wants his hands on Yeosang’s skin, he wants to be kissing him.He’s sure that the guard and driver know what’s going through his mind because they keep flicking looks to the back of the car. Or maybe it’s because Yeosang looks so imminently fuckable. He’s dressed in one of his clearly many silk shirts.The colour this time is a rich dark blue (Seonghwa loses his mind trying to name the blue, it’s a mix of pthalo blue and Prussian because it’s not quite midnight blue?) and it compliments his skin really well, making the creaminess glow.It’s not a button down, no, and it’s more distracting for it, because it’s this loose thing with sleeves that billow a little, and the v of the neck with its ties is a little too wide and a little too low.It’s showing off too much neck, too much of his lightly sculpted pecs and it just sits really well across his shoulders, making them look wide. He’s wearing a pair of formfitting black jeans and chunky fuck you boots that gives him an inch.

Seonghwa tries to listen to what Yeosang is saying but there’s a fire under his skin.It feels like he’s going to combust.He wonders if he’s been drugged? But no, he can still move properly, he can still think even if all his thoughts are about Yeosang, kissing him, touching him, tasting him.

Fuck. 

“What do you want to do tomorrow?” Yeosang is asking him and Seonghwa takes a very long time to realise he was leaning forward, towards him a little bit too much, and sits back, dragging his eyes away from Yeosang’s plush mouth and up to his eyes.Which don’t help.He’s wearing make-up.It looks like he’s crushed stardust and mixed it with the night sky and pressed it to his eyelids. His eyes, always so gorgeous, tonight look mysterious and they are so bright, and he feels so _seen_.

“You, uh.” Seonghwa focusses on a point behind Yeosang and swallows.“You mentioned just spending it on the beach? But I’m happy to do whatever.”

“Hwa? Are you okay?” Yeosang looks at him worriedly.“You look a bit flushed?”

“No, I’m totally fine.Everything is copacetic.”

“Copacetic, huh? That’s a big word.” Yeosang’s lips quirk and Seonghwa sees that little tuck of a dimple in the corner of his mouth and he has to look away, so he does, staring forward and catching the driver’s eye in the rear view mirror.The man directs his gaze back to the road, but Seonghwa knows the man knows he’s thinking filthy godawful thoughts about their precious Yeosang- _ssi_ and he hates himself for it.Jesus, he has to get a grip before he does something stupid.

They arrive at the restaurant and Seonghwa is thankfully briefly distracted by how pretty it is.The guard follows them in and Seonghwa feels his back hollow at that, but Yeosang seems fine with it and ignores the man.The hostess bows at them when she spots Yeosang and without asking for his name, leads them to a table. The building juts out over the ocean and the table she takes them to is well placed to give tremendous views over the sea.There are other diners and Seonghwa can feel their eyes on him and Yeosang as they walk past, bodyguard in tow.Shouldn’t the man have like, scouted the place before they got here, he thinks to himself, because obviously he knows bodyguard protocol from watching too many K-dramas, thank you Ji Chang-Wook.But it’s when he sees the man go up to another man seated at a table nearby, speak softly to him, before he takes his place, that he realises: they already had someone present in the restaurant.They probably have someone else in the kitchen too.The other guard leaves, but only as far as to door and he takes up position there.

Seonghwa looks at Yeosang and he sees how pale he looks, how his mouth is pressed into a line that Seonghwa hates. It makes him look like the Yeosang he knew way back when, the boy who let no one close.

“Hey,” he says once they’re seated and glances around the room, meeting any eyes still staring at them with a cold look of his own.If it’s one thing Seonghwa knows how to do, it’s to blank his face and stare back at people who have no business staring at him or any of his friends.“Sangie, I didn’t realise it would be such a big deal, coming for dinner.”

“It shouldn’t be.He’s making it worse,” Yeosang says and his voice sounds like he’s gritting his teeth.

“Who?”

“Grandfather, the Chairman. He’s doing this on purpose because he knows how much it fucking annoys me. The guards, the attention.He’s flexing, reminding me who wants me to be.”

“Look, we can go? We can go somewhere you don’t have a reservation.We can go find streetfood for all I care.”

Yeosang shakes his head, no.“We are sitting here and we are having fucking dinner and we are going to damn well enjoy it.Fuck him.”His voice is low, his words fast and he clenches his jaw and Seonghwa lets out a little breath. 

“Okay, so let’s ignore everyone.Focus on me.” He leans forward a little until Yeosang exhales and catches his eye.“Focus on me and how pretty I look.”

Yeosang lets out a little breathless laugh.“You look _very_ pretty tonight, Hwa.And it’s just for me.” He drags his eyes over Seonghwa, mapping his wide shoulders.“Remind me to buy you more shirts that fit you so well.Everyone is staring at you, can you feel it?”

“They’re staring at you, pretty thing.No one cares about me.All eyes are on you.”

“I only want one pair of eyes on me,” Yeosang tells him and there is something in the way he says it, a little possessively that scrambles Seonghwa’s brains. He finds himself leaning closer.The table isn’t that big and they are leaning towards one another conspiratorially.Yeosang’s hand is resting on the table and he spreads his fingers wider, the way he always presses his hand against Seonghwa’s skin, as if doing it anchors him.

“I only ever watch you,” Seonghwa murmurs, soft and low. “You should know that by now.”

Yeosang smiles then, pleased, and looks down at the menu in his hands.Seonghwa does the same and he notices that his menu has no prices. His stomach drops but before he can say anything, the waiter shows up.He’s young, unassumingly handsome and smiles at them both.It’s friendly, not familiar.

“Anything to drink whilst you peruse your menus?” He asks them and Seonghwa likes how he divides his attention between both him and Yeosang, favouring neither. 

Yeosang glances at the drinks menu and taps his finger.“A bottle of the Antinori Tignanello, and some sparkling water for the table, please.”

There is the barest flicker in the waiter’s eyes but he nods, one hand behind his back. 

“I’ll be right back,” he promises and disappears. 

“It’s a red wine, from Italy,” Yeosang says when he catches Seonghwa’s glance at the drinks menu.“It’s very nice.I think you’ll like it.”

“I didn’t know you knew about wines.”

Yeosang shrugs.“My uncle is a wine snob.I know enough to not get taken for an amateur when he starts going on.”

Seonghwa glances at the food menu again.“What’s good?”

“Everything is good here, that’s the point.” Yeosang leans forward and pushes Seonghwa’s menu down with one finger so he can trail it down to the middle of the page.“How about we get a large seafood platter with sides? That way you can try a bit of everything. And if you don’t like something we can just get something else.”

He glances at the guard behind Yeosang.“What about him?”

Yeosang shrugs.“He’ll get whatever he wants, it’s fine.”

Their waiter comes back, pauses at Yeosang’s side and shows him the label on the bottle, proving that it was indeed the Antinori Tignanello and when Yeosang nods, he expertly cuts the wax anduncorks the bottle and fills one glass carefully with a taster which he hovers in front of Yeosang but Yeosang just shakes his head, indicating that he should give it to Seonghwa.

“Tell me what you think?”

Seonghwa takes the glass from the waiter and holds it up to the light. He doesn’t mean to look pretentious but he loves the colour of the wine. It holds a rich golden burgundy colour with a hint of something else, almost a purple.The wine is dark and it smells good. He’s reminded of a phrase from a book his mother used to read him when he was little.There was a phrase that stood out to him, whenever the author spoke about the sea, he always called it ‘wine dark’ and this is what the wine reminds him of.

He takes a tentative sip and rolls it around his mouth, mostly because he’s seen it done.He does not expect the flavours. He does expect something sour and unappetising but instead he’s hit with blackberries, smoke and the faintest swirl of cherries. It’s unexpected and he chases the taste with another small sip. His delight must show on his face, because Yeosang gives a sweet little laugh and nods in appreciation.

“There, that’s the face.Thank you,” he says to the waiter, nodding for him to continue pouring.The waiter does so, first pouring for Seonghwa as Yeosang was the head of the table and would therefore be served last, before he serves Yeosang.He places the bottle carefully on the far side of the table so that it faces them and the room. 

“Would you like to hear today’s special or?”

Seonghwa zones out as Yeosang draws the waiter into a conversation about the food and and the menu.He likes this, he thinks to himself, not having to make decisions for a bit, having Yeosang take care of it.It feels nice, he feels a little warm and tingly inside. 

Another waiter comes up with their sparkling water and once they’re all alone once more, glasses of wine between them and freshly baked soft rolls between them, Yeosang stares at Seonghwa.

“Thank you.”

“Thank you? What for?” Seonghwa smiles his surprise.

“For being so endlessly kind to me.” Yeosang tangles their fingers together.“You have no reason to stay.This weekend is going to be utter hell.”

“Hmm, I’ll just have to make sure you stay distracted then,” Seonghwa says, tugging at Yeosang’s fingers before wrapping his fingers around his wrist and tightening them a little. 

“You’ll do that for me?” Yeosang asks and his voice is a little too breathless.

“Whatever you want,” Seonghwa promises him and means it.

They chat lighty, about inconsequential things, about school, about their friend group who are all desperately jealous of Seonghwa being whisked away for a dirty weekend.It makes them both laugh and it feels good.It feels romantic and Seonghwa loves it.

Their platters of food arrive and Seonghwa stares in shock at the amount of food Yeosang had ordered.

“This is too much,” Seonghwa says, staring at the selection.“We’ll never eat it all.”

“Then eat as much as you can but leave space for dessert.They do the best tiramisu outside of Tuscany.”

Seonghwa listens to Yeosang as he tells him about visiting Florence, Siena and Rome as a young teen with his aunt and uncle when they were there on business. He tells him how he’d collected fashion magazines and smuggled them into his luggage. He tells him how he visited small boutiques and spoke to owners who seemed surprised by this small Korean boy who was so deeply interested in fashion, clothing and design. But they spoke to him and he got business cards and they recommended more more places to visit, workshops and other boutiques and designers.Somehow, under the guise of being a tourist, Yeosang started cultivating his love for clothing and fashion design.

“How did you get away with it? Surely you must have had bodyguards with you all the time?” Seonghwa asks and immediately regrets the question because Yeosang’s expression stutters and he goes pale.Then he very carefully puts his fork down so it could rest on the edge of his plate. His hand is shaking.

“I paid them off only my uncle found out and he,” he swallows hard.“He let them go and left me to my own devices.”

“What.”

“It was a long time ago, Hwa.It’s fine.”

“You were on your own whilst they were off doing god knows what and then they fire your security team? Leaving you alone in foreign fucking cities? How old were you?”

“Twelve, thirteen.”

“Jesus _fuck_ ,” Seonghwa mutters, grabbing his glass of wine and swallowing a large mouthful. “Your family is terrible, Sangie. I am so sorry.”

Yeosang shrugs a little, his eyes large as he stares at Seonghwa.“Hey, I’m okay, Hwa. It was a long time ago. I got through it.”

“Not the point,” Seonghwa says, staring down at the food in front of him.“They left you alone? Honestly, just like that?”

“Well,” Yeosang says, sweetly, arching an eyebrow.“I knew how to order a taxi and I had access to my uncle’s credit card.So I went shopping and bought whatever I wanted and had it shipped home.Do you have any idea how much a thirteen year old can spend when unsupervised for a day?”

Seonghwa did not expect that.He could only grin at him.“Seriously?”

“Yeah, I went to a sport shop and bought three new boards, clothes, then I went shopping for tech. I got two drones, cameras, whatever I wanted.It was terrible and I didn’t give a shit.”

“God, you really are chaotic evil and I love you for it.”

The words are out of his mouth before he could think about it but Yeosang was merely grinning at him, seemingly happy that he managed to distract Seonghwa from his anger, and not really registering the words.

They finish the bottle of wine with dinner and order a serving of tiramisu to share along with a small glass each of Muscat. Seonghwa’s never had tiramisu and it’s not his favourite thing in the world, but Yeosang seems to love it, his eyelids fluttering shut as he sucks the dessert off the spoon, making soft little sex noises.

Seonghwa feels himself flush and harden as he watches him unconsciously fellate the spoon. He waves the waiter over and asks him for a bowl of gelato instead which he’s served, allowing him to push the tiramisu towards Yeosang and giving him the chance to not stare at him with unbridled lust on his face. 

The gelato is _good_ and it goes well with the Muscat. They finish up and Yeosang pays without even looking at the amount.Before they leave he turns to the waiter and slips him several folded notes.The gesture clearly surprises the guy and Yeosang ducks his head and follows Seonghwa out to the waiting car. 

Before they get in, Seonghwa glances at him.“Why didn’t you add the additional tip to the total of the bill?”

“My dad,” Yeosang says, with a smile.“My dad always told me to carry cash because waiters often don’t actually get to see the gratuity that’s automatically added to the total.This way I know I rewarded him for looking after us tonight.”

Seonghwa takes that in and smiles.“Your dad sounds like a good guy.”

Yeosang steps past him and pulls him into the car behind him.“He was.He grew up in Busan.Second son of a salaryman and didn’t have much going for him, apart from his tech skills.” They pull away, the driver behind the wheel and the guard in the front seat riding shotgun, the large car merging seamlessly with the traffic.“He went to university and worked on a compact memory chip with his best friend in their off time. I don’t know the details, I’m not a tech head, but they took it to the market and it sold to the likes of, well, you know.Everyone.And that’s how they started Kang Technology which became Kang Industries.”

“That’s so cool.But you don’t like tech stuff?”

“No, I do. I mean, I’ve got my drones and I tinker with them and I like gadgets but I’m like, you know, not gifted the way my dad was. Or clever like that.”

“And how did he meet your mum?”

“They met at college. It was hate on first sight.He called her a stuck up rich girl with daddy issues and she called him a peasant.They married a year after they graduated and she went to work for him at Kang Industries once she got her law degree.”

“Wow.” Seonghwa was turned towards him completely now.“My parents also met in college.At a demonstration of some sort.My mum did the art for the stage where the protests were being held and my dad showed up, dragged there by his friend who fancied my mum.She took one look at my dad and decided that he was The One.They got married a year later, fell pregnant the year after that and well, my dad couldn’t cope.So he left.”

“Oh, Hwa.”

Seonghwa shrugs.“It’s fine, really.I hardly ever see him.He has some high flying job in banking and he travels between Seoul, Beijing and Tokyo.Apparently he remarried a few years ago. No kids though.My mum always says he was the best mistake she ever made because she got me out of it.”

“Your mum sounds badass.”

“Well,” Seonghwa grins.“She’s a little out there. You just never quite know what you’ll get when you talk to her.”

They sit in companionable silence for the rest of the journey. When they pull up to the villa, Seonghwa gets out first and hands Yeosang out, letting him precede him up the stairs, keeping closer to him than strictly necessary, a hand lightly resting on the dip of his back.They don’t see anyone, and most of the lights are off as they make their way up the stairs.Seonghwa checks his watch and notices that it’s actually later than he thought it was.It was past eleven and he realises they’d been at the restaurant for several hours. 

“Are you tired?” Yeosang asks him when they get to their rooms and Seonghwa shakes his head.“No, the nap earlier helped. I’m so full though. You?”

“No, the nap definitely helped…and having you suck me off definitely helped too.”

Seonghwa doesn’t even bother hiding the blush.He’ll never get over Yeosang being so direct. It was hot and flustered the hell out of him.

“Okay, shower and movie?” Yeosang walks towards his room.“We have the option of watching in here, or out there.What do you want to do?” He points respectively to the large 75 inch tv in the living room area or to the slightly smaller 65inch (?) in his room. 

“Well, if we watch in bed and fall asleep, it’ll be more comfortable,” Seonghwa points out.

Yeosang grins at him and steps into his space to kiss him and pat his cheek.“So pretty and so clever at the same time.Knew I liked you.”

He makes to step away but Seonghwa catches his wrist and drags him back.“Wait a minute,” he says.“Not so fast. I’ve been dying to kiss you all night.”

And he does. He moulds Yeosang to his body, loving how pliant he is in his arms and he kisses him slow and hot and he doesn’t stop. Not when he feels Yeosang harden against him, not when Yeosang literally climbs him, not when he lifts Yeosang higher up, or when his thighs start protesting at just standing in the middle of the room with the extra weight of fully grown boy in his arms.

Yeosang tastes sweet like tiramisu and lush like the wine they’d been drinking.Seonghwa can’t get enough of him and kisses him like he was going to war the next day.When he eventually pulls back to run his mouth along Yeosang’s jaw and neck, he can hear Yeosang’s muttering against him, his hands twisting in Seonghwa’s hair, tugging and he’s squirming his hips to try and get more friction going, but Seonghwa’s not allowing it. 

“Fuck, Hwa, Jesus.” He mutters, arching his neck, pushing his nails into Seonghwa’s shoulders.“I just can’t…fucking hell, please, baby, I can’t.Help me.”

Seonghwa is very reluctant to let Yeosang drop back to his feet but the only way he can undress himself and this incredibly beautiful boy, is if they are a few inches apart.Yeosang has to hold onto Seonghwa for a moment to steady himself.Seonghwa made to lift Yeosang’s shirt but his hands are pushed aside so that Yeosang can get to him.

“Mine,” he says.“My turn to unwrap you.”And he does, slowly, chasing each exposed bit of skin as he undoes each of Seonghwa’s buttons of his shirt, his mouth hot and wet against Seonghwa’s skin.“So pretty, fuck me, Hwa. You taste like sex feels, what are you doing to me? Goddamn, I can’t think. Oh my god, your shoulders, can I just?” And then he’s spinning Seonghwa around so he can run his hands along his shoulders, then down his back and along his sides, mapping the planes of his back.“Fuck, your hip to shoulder ratio is a work of art, did you know that? Like a fucking Dorito, but tastier.”

Seonghwa tries not to laugh because he is so turned on but Yeosang’s words are so pure and stream of consciousness, it’s fucking endearing.So he bites his lips and instead concentrates on how Yeosang starts trailing kisses along his shoulders and his back. Then his hands come round Seonghwa’s front and he makes quick work of his jeans, pulling them down and off.“Your ass, Hwa.” Yeosang’s voice sounds gone.He skims his hands over Seonghwa’s ass and grips him, hard, making a satisfied little noise.

“Yes?”

“Should be illegal.”

Seonghwa turns then, unable to help himself, and pulls Yeosang up so that he can kiss him again, knowing that it’s one way to shut him up and for Seonghwa to get him melting against him and mindless. 

He strips him fast and functional, promising himself that he would take his time next time, especially when Yeosang pulls out another fucking silk shirt to drive him crazy.Seonghwa walks him backwards, his hands roaming Yeosang’s body, his palms mapping the shape of him, his fingers learning the contours, his fingertips soaking in the heat of his satin skin.

“Pretty thing,” he mutters, pressing his face against Yeosang’s neck, dragging his tongue against his pulse point.“Can I ask you something?”

“God, fucking…yes,” Yeosang is writhing against him, his cock rubbing against his but not enough, just not enough.

“Will you let me finger you? Eat you out?”Seonghwa pulls back, enough so that he can look down at him.

Yeosang’s expression is hooded and dark and he takes a shuddering breath to get himself focussed and Seonghwa waits.His hair is in disarray, his lips are swollen from Seonghwa’s kisses and there’s a flush of arousal all along his cheekbones, tinting his ears.He’s cream and honey and tastes of wine and berries and Seonghwa is so fucking gone on him, he could spend hours just staring at him. 

“Yes,” Yeosang says.“Please.” His voice is clear and although his eyes aren’t necessarily clear of lust, he sounds completely certain.

“Pretty thing, are you sure?” Seonghwa puts the tiniest of distances between them.“Talk to me, baby. Use your words.”

“I want you,” Yeosang says, his eyes trailing down Seonghwa’s body, then back up again.“To fuck me on your fingers and I want your mouth on me, your tongue inside me.Is that clear enough?”

“Yes, fucking hell. That is clear enough.” Seonghwa leans down a little and scoops him up with an arm, closing the distance between them and the bed so fast Yeosang lets out a startled gasp of surprise and clings to him.

Seonghwa takes his time reacquainting himself with Yeosang’s body, kissing and grazing his teeth where he can and he doesn’t go anywhere near Yeosang’s gorgeous cock where it’s lying long and heavy against his stomach, begging for attention. He presses kisses along his thighs, murmurs words about silk and honey and gold against his hips and trails his mouth down, lifting those elegant legs over his shoulders and nudges his face between his cheeks and exhales deeply.

“Jesus,” Yeosang murmurs above him. “You’ve not even done anything yet and I’m shaking.”

“Hmm, you’re so pretty, baby.I’m going to put my mouth on you now, okay?”

He listens with pleasure as Yeosang shudders above him, making soft whimpering noises, as he starts working his mouth against him, using his hands to hold him open. He’s good at this.He knows eating ass isn’t for everyone, and he’s not done it a lot, but Seonghwa knows the gods gave him a tongue like this to use in the filthiest of ways.

He takes his time because there’s no rush and neither of them has to go anywhere. He pushes his tongue in as far as it would go and Yeosang tastes of soap and he realises that he must have cleaned himself thoroughly in anticipation of something like this happening.The thought of Yeosang’s hand and fingers in his ass, prepping himself for Seonghwa, makes him dizzy. 

He pulls back then to wipe his mouth and chin.

“Baby, are you with me?”

“…yes,” Yeosang says and his voice is small.Seonghwa crawls up the bed, along the length of his body, trailing fingers, mesmerised by how Yeosang’s skin seems to be a creamy gold.

“Hey,” he says, catching Yeosang’s eyes.“Just checking in. Are you having fun?”

Yeosang puts a hand over his eyes and nods mutely, but Seonghwa pulls his hand away from his eyes so he could look at his face.“What? Are you being shy right now?”

“I’ve never,” Yeosang says and he blushes and squirms a little.“No one has ever done that.”

“No one has ever eaten you out?”

“God, Hwa, no. No one has ever done that before.”

Seonghwa smiles then, rubbing their noses together.

“Well, I’m happy to have been the first.Are you okay if I go on?”

“Oh god, yes please,” Yeosang breathes, his smile still shy but a lot impish. 

“Do you have lube to hand? Otherwise I have to dug through my bags.”

“Bedside table,” Yeosang says, pointing. 

Seonghwa crawls back between his legs and pops the lid of the lube, smelling it. 

“Coconut?”

“Don’t judge me, please. I was in a hurry and that’s all I could find on short notice.”

Seonghwa sucked his fingers into his mouth and hummed around his fingers.“Hmm, not bad actually.Taste.” He pours more onto his fingers and leans forward, pressing both fingers into Yeosang’s mouth.Yeosang hums around his fingers, sucking at them and licking between them and Seonghwa groans, because fuck, Yeosang’s tongue felt so good and he was so hard.But right now, he had other things to do.Like get Yeosang off.

He stretches out on his side next to Yeosang and slowly withdraws his fingers from his mouth.

“I’m going to start now, okay?”

Yeosang nods and when Seonghwa cocks an eyebrow he rolls his eyes.“Okay.”

Seonghwa presses a kiss to his mouth.“Good boy.If any of this becomes uncomfortable you tell me to stop, yeah?”

“Yes, yeah,” Yeosang says, bringing up a hand to touch Seonghwa’s face, fingers trailing his jaw. 

“Don’t touch yourself, okay, pretty thing? I want to see if I can make you come on my tongue and fingers.Are you up for that?”

“Yes, I am just…Hwa, baby, please hurry.”

Seonghwa kisses him again before sliding back down again.“It’s going to be cold at first,” he warns him as he drizzles lube between his ass cheeks and Yeosang lets out a gasp and it makes Seonghwa grin. 

Seonghwa just takes his time rubbing the lube around his entrance, enjoying the view and loving the breathy sounds from Yeosang. He dribbles more lube onto his fingers and then, using the other hand, spreads Yeosang’s cheeks wide, so he can slowly start working him open with his finger. Then he has an amazing idea and adjusts his position entirely.He gets in there with his mouth and tongue again, this time being a little more forceful, spreading his cheeks wider and slowly working one finger into him at an excruciatingly slow pace as Seonghwa fucks into him with his tongue at the same time. 

Yeosang is making the most gorgeous noises and he’s sitting half upright so he can look down at Seonghwa between his spread legs. His mouth is half open and his eyes are huge and dark. 

“Hwa, please, please, please,” he moans, soft, barely registering his own words. He drops his head back and Seonghwa stares because the view is spectacular.Then he goes back to working Yeosang open on his fingers, adding a second, slowly, cruelly taking his time. His fingers are longer than Yeosang’s and bigger and as he works him open, Seonghwa watches how he seems to suck him deeper and he groans.

“You’re so greedy for me, pretty thing. I wish you could see how gorgeous you are right now. Legs so wide open, cock so thick and heavy, baby.And it’s all for me, yeah?”

“Yes,” Yeosang moans.“Yours, all yours”

The admission kickstarts something savage in Seonghwa and he leans up a bit as he pushes a third finger into Yeosang.Yeosang stills for a brief moment, back arching off the bed, his eyelids fluttering shut as he grabs fists full of his covers and moans, loudly and lewdly.

“Holy fuck, so full,” he stutters out. “Hwa, god, fucking fuck just…”

Seonghwa presses kisses against the muscles of his quivering thighs as he starts pumping out of him, taking time to add more lube.It’s messy and loud and Yeosang is making keening little noises now, soft little punched out sounds and his entire body is tight with tension.Seonghwa curls his fingers and probes a little and finds what he’s looking for on the second pass.He strokes across the cluster as if by accident and Yeosang stills, shocked at the spark igniting his body further. Seonghwa pumps his fingers, carefully making sure he doesn’t come near to his prostrate until suddenly he presses against it again, this time harder than a mere brush and Yeosang practically levitates off the bed, letting out a shuddering sigh.

“More,” he says, then louder. “Please, Hwa.”

“Whatever you want, pretty thing,” Seonghwa says and adjusts his angle a little so that he can pump his fingers into Yeosang and hit his prostrate with every stroke.“You’re being so good, taking my fingers so well, baby.I can’t wait to be inside you.You’re so tight and hot, I’m going to make you feel so good.”

Yeosang starts slowly, his hand wrapped around Seonghwa’s wrist, to fuck himself down on Seonghwa’s hand. Meeting each push with a downward motion of his own and Seonghwa watches mesmerised as his fingers drive into Yeosang and the way he’s relishing it.He pushes his fingers apart, and Yeosang just takes it.It is mind numbingly hot and he is desperate to touch himself but Yeosang’s hand is wrapped around his wrist so tightly, anchoring himself through being fucked mercilessly, that he can’t get to himself.So he pushes it from his mind and instead focusses on the beautiful young man spread out before him. 

Yeosang is flushed and his mouth is open and his lower lip looks painfully swollen where he’s been biting down on it.His cock is bobbing against his stomach leaking a little and Seonghwa loves the view his position is giving him, from Yeosang’s groin up, along his cock, along his lean torso, chest and up to his face that’s so full of concentration.

“Fuck, close, baby.So close,” Yeosang tells him, his thighs quivering.

Seonghwa mouths his balls, sucking them into his mouth and hums lightly before pulling off. “I can feel,” he says.“Come when you’re ready baby, let me see you make a mess of yourself. Fuck yourself on my fingers.”

And he goes back to sucking Yeosang’s balls before he goes back down and shoves his tongue between his fingers, into Yeosang. 

Yeosang hisses and arches above him, his hips stuttering and his ass clenching around his fingers as he comes with a low moan, shooting cum up over his stomach, neck and lips.Seonghwa waits for a few seconds, slowing his ministrations inside him, letting him ride out the orgasm, before he withdraws his fingers so he can crawl up Yeosang’s languid body to kiss him. Yeosang kisses him soft and sweet, blissed out and sleepy and Seonghwa grins down at him.He’s beautiful like this, breathtaking.He trails a hand through the cum on Yeosang’s stomach and brings it to his lips, sucking his fingers, making Yeosang’s eyes go wide.

“Hwa, Jesus, that’s so hot,” he says, pulling his hand so that he can lean over and kiss him.“Gimme a minute.I want to taste you too.”

“It’s fine, baby. Stay just like this for me, yeah?”

Yeosang nods and Seonghwa crawls back down between his legs and raises himself on his knees. Yeosang watches him.

“Tell me what you want,” he tells Seonghwa.“I’ll do it.”

“Lift your legs for me, spread them wide?”

Yeosang complies and Seonghwa lets out a hiss at the sight.He shuffles closer and presses the head of his cock against Yeosang’s hole, just rubbing it there, mixing the lube and his own precum together, working it all down his shaft.Then he moves forward, higher, so that he can lean over Yeosang.

“Kiss me?” He asks and Yeosang nods easily, eagerly kissing him, fucking his tongue into Seonghwa’s mouth, his hands all over his body, wrapping his hand over Seonghwa’s and they jerk him off together.It doesn’t take Seonghwa long, and when he comes, Yeosang wriggles lower and closes his eyes and opens his mouth, tongue out, catching as much of the cum as he can.Seonghwa watches him lick his lips and hum contentedly, before he opens his eyes to grin at Seonghwa.

“You’re my favourite flavour,” he says and Seonghwa lets out a little gasp.

“You are going to be the death of me, Kang Yeosang,” he says. “But I’ll die a happy man.”

Yeosang lets out the smallest of giggles then, and pushes at him a little.“Come, you’ll have to help me to the shower. I don’t think my legs can carry my weight.”

They make it to the shower and thank the architect for designing a showerbig enough for at least four large men to fit into.They wash each other, kissing slowly under the hot spray, before stumbling to bed.They toss the comforter on the floor, it’s in bad need of a wash, and huddle together under the lighter blankets after turning all the lights off.

Seonghwa’s almost asleep when he feels Yeosang’s lips brush against his before he nestles against his shoulder a little more comfortably. Seonghwa pulls him closer and Yeosang mutters softly against his skin before giving a little contented sigh.Seonghwa smiles into the dark, sated and very in love.

***

They have breakfast in what Yeosang calls the sun room.There are people in uniform standing around making sure they don’t have to tax themselves by reaching for anything, like pouring a glass of juice. 

Miss Angie comes into the room halfway through breakfast and smiles at them both, hands clasped together as if in prayer. 

Yeosang stares at her suspiciously.

“What? What’s wrong with your face?”

She puts both hands up to her cheeks.“Nothing? What’s wrong with _your_ face,” she counters, grinning.

Yeosang looks at Seonghwa for help but Seonghwa just shrugs.

“Anyway, “ she says, as if they've just had a full blown conversation, still smiling.“Are you looking forward to tonight’s party?”

“Sure? I mean, I just have to make sure I dodge my aunt and uncle, stay away from Jisung and ignore my grandfather, make excruciating small talk with a variety of old men in suits and try not to die from boredom.”

“So dramatic,” she mutters, shaking her head.“Always so overly dramatic, just like his dad.”

“Leave my dad out of this,” Yeosang says but there’s no anger in his voice, just amusement.Seonghwa gathers that this is something they do often, the friendly bickering.

“Like I said,” she intones.“Drah-mah.tique.” But she’s still smiling like she just ate the canary and Yeosang huffs, aggressively sipping at his orange juice.

“Do you need help around the house ahead of the party?” Seonghwa asks her, knowing full well how busy it could get in prepping for a large party.His mother’s parties were legendary and he knew how to break tasks down to get it all done.He had years of experience.

“Oh honey,” Miss Angie says, beaming at him.“You are really adorable, but no. I’ve got everything in hand.The caterers are arriving in a few hours and I’ve hired extra staff.You don’t have to do anything but look pretty.”

“Oh,” Seonghwa says, blushing under her intense gaze, and nodding. “I’m sure I can do that.”

Yeosang looks at Ms Angie and scowls.“Are you? Are you actually flirting with him right now?”

Miss Angie smooths her hands over her little black dress and quirks an eyebrow at him.“He’s just _a friend_ , though, right? I’m sure Seonghwa doesn’t mind?”

“Out,” Yeosang says, half standing and pointing at the door.“Out before I throw these croissants at you.”

Seonghwa starts laughing then and pulls him back down into his chair.“Slow your roll,” he tells him.“Never throw croissants at people, that’s just bad manners.”

“Handsome _and_ he has manners.Seonghwa, you can visit us any time you like.You don’t even have to bring Yeosang.Just call me and I’ll get the plane for you. I have a nephew who is very handsome too.”

Yeosang makes a sound like a dying seagull and jumps up out of his seat. “Out! Now!”

Miss Angie laughs outright then, clasping her hands together like a supervillain.“Adorable, so adorable.But I get the hint, I’ll go now.I just came to let you know that your aunt and uncle will be here by lunch time. Jisung is still sleeping.”

“I’ll prepare myself,” he answers glumly and watches her go.“That woman, honestly.” But his tone is fond.“She used to be my father’s assistant, my mother’s best friend, my nanny, everything basically, before I was made to move in with my aunt and uncle.”

“You love her a lot.”

Yeosang’s eyes flutter at his words and he thinks about it for a moment.“Yeah, I do, I guess.”

They’re finishing breakfast when a man in a suit steps into the room.Yeosang notices him immediately and stills, like a deer caught in headlights.

“Secretary Min?”

“The Chairman wants to see you, Yeosang- _ssi_ ,” the man says, his gaze flickering to Seonghwa.“Alone.”

Yeosang sighs but nods.He turns to Seonghwa and presses his fingers briefly to his hand.

“I’ll be fine.I’ll try not to be too long,” he says as Seonghwa tightens his grip on him.“Go for a walk down to the beach.It’s private so no one will disturb you.”

Seonghwa nods and watches him go with something like an ache in his heart.He really doesn’t want Yeosang facing his grandfather alone.Secretary Min waits for Yeosang to walk ahead of him, before he follows, shooting Seonghwa another lingering look.

After breakfast Seonghwa heads to their rooms and grabs his set of travel watercolours, pencil case and his postcard watercolour pad before heading back out again.The guards watch him, but no one approaches him, which he’s thankful for.He wanders down the garden, through the maintained lawns and onto the pathway leading to the beach.The gate gets buzzed open for him and he looks up in surprise, noticing the camera watching him.He tips two fingers to his brow in thanks and opens it, stepping out onto the beach. 

He shucks off his shoes. It’s warm and the sand feels good between his toes.He glances to the right and isn’t surprised at all to see several beach chairs set up with umbrellas. He pulls one of the beach chairs closer to the others and glances down the expanse of the beach.Not a soul in sight and he wonders how the private beach is controlled and how far it stretches. 

He strips down to his swimming trunks before walking into the sea.It feels good and he spends some time swimming short distances before he gets out again and wanders back up the beach to where he left his stuff.He’s surprised to see a boy there, seated on one of the beach chairs, watching him from behind mirrored sunglasses.

“Hi,” he says, squinting at him uncertainly.“I’m Seonghwa. I’m a friend of Yeosang’s,” he clarifies.

The boy jerks a chin at him.

“I know.Grandfather already told me you were here.I’m Jisung, YeoYeo’s brother.”

“Hey man,” Seonghwa says, grinning.“Good to meet you. You look a little like him, around the jaw and mouth.”

“What?” Jisung looks nonplussed by his words and frowns up at him.“That is weirdly specific.”

“Ah, not really. I like faces. I’m an artist.”

Jisung arches a brow and it’s such a Yeosang move, so cool and aloof, Seonghwa has to bite down on the inside of his cheek not to laugh.Jisung turns his gaze back to the sea, effectively ignoring Seonghwa as he uses his t-shirt to dry his chest and torso before sitting down and pulling his backpack towards him, setting himself up to get at least a few small watercolours done.

Seonghwa paints quickly, glancing up now and again to get his proportions right.It’s not his best work, but it’s fun.It’s more urban sketching with added watercolour, and he embellishes the colours of the umbrellas and beach chairs a little.It’s cute and he knows if he pops it onto Redbubble he’ll be able to get a few sales from it at least. 

He does two more until he realises Jisung is leaning towards him, sunglasses gone and eyes on the watercolour taking shape under Seonghwa’s brush.He looks down and realises he’s painted Yeosang’s face, the way he looked this morning after Seonghwa’d woken him up with kisses. The smile is shy, the eyes heavy lidded, his cheeks a little flushed.

“Are you fucking my brother?” Jisung asks then, glancing at Seonghwa. “I mean, I thought my grandfather said you were friends.”

There was no way to deny it.Seonghwa was a bad liar and Jisung is looking at him very astutely. “Your grandfather doesn’t know,” Seonghwa says, flushing.“No one in your family knows.Except you.”

Jisung glances at him.His eyes are darker than Yeosang’s, his brows more arched.It gives him an intimidating expression.“Serious?”

“Yeah, is that an issue?” Seonghwa wants to die.He’d outed Yeosang to his brother without even saying a fucking word.He put his hand on the small watercolour, bracing himself for sarcasm, anger, hate.Instead Jisung just shrugs.

“Whatever, man.YeoYeo is a grown ass man, he can do what he wants. I don’t care.”

Seonghwa stares at him and he stares back, until he looks away, towards the sea.

“Okay,” Seonghwa says and nods.

“Okay,” Jisung replies and he sounds like Yeosang, the same hesitation.

Seonghwa goes back to the painting and finishes it off under Jisung’s watchful eyes.He puts it aside, lets it dry before he takes his pencils and larger sketchbook out.

“Can I sketch you?” Seonghwa asks him. 

“What?” Jisung’s frown is dark and wary.“Why?”

“Because it’s good practice for me? And you have a good face. I’ll give it to you.”

Jisung seems to think it over before he nods.“Yeah, fine.Like, do you want me to pose or something?”

“No, it’s fine, just sit there, talk to me.It’s okay.I’m not doing full-on portrait, so you can move around and stuff.”

Seonghwa gets himself comfortable, facing Jisung who’s sitting crosslegged on the beach chair opposite him.He looks very uncomfortable under Seonghwa’s gaze and he keeps glancing at him.Eventually he just sighs, rubs his hand through his dark hair and glances at Seonghwa.

“So, do you go to school with Yeosang?”

“I do. I’m an art major. I minor in dance.”

This makes Jisung look at him in shock.“Dance?”

“Yeah, it’s fun.It keeps me fit and I like dancing. What about you? You got any hobbies?”

“Uh, kinda? I like gaming.”

“Nice, nice. PC or console?”

“Both. I built a rig.” Jisung leans forward a little and Seonghwa watches his expression go from guarded and snooty to excited.“Man, this thing is a monster. I’m using it to code and I’m working on a game with a friend of mine. It’s going to be fucking epic. You know, like The Witcher, but better. We’re…” he stops suddenly, as if he realises who he’s talking to, but Seonghwa just nods encouragingly, his eyes on the sketch before him.

Seonghwa circles a finger in the air, not looking up. “Go on. I played The Witcher 3 twice, I think. On PS though, not PC.”

“Oh, wow. Okay. So you know how some of the scenes are a big laggy because the world is so big and it’s struggling to keep up with all the information? I’m writing a code right now for our game that will…” and he’s off, talking technical things that blow way over Seonghwa’s head but he nods anyway, loving his enthusiasm and the cute way Jisung has of scrunching his shoulders forward when he’s explaining something, his hands together, twisting and expounding on whatever he’s describing.

“That sounds intense,” Seonghwa says when Jisung falls silent.“Are you going to study game design when you get to college?”

“No?” Jisung stares at him like he’s lost his mind.“No, I mean.That was never an option, you know? I have to get a business degree, like YeoYeo.Grandfather expects it.”

Seonghwa sits back up and looks at him carefully.“Why?”

“I’m a chaebol,” Jisung says as if that explains everything.

“So?”

“So?” Jisung’s frown is back.“I can’t just go off and study whatever the fuck I want. I have responsibilities.”

“Who’s company will you be taking over when you’re old enough?” Seonghwa asks him then.“Your dad’s or your grandfather’s?”

“My…grandfather’s,” he answers, frowning. “Why?”

“I just wonder if your dad’s company would be better suited to your interests. But, to be honest, I have no idea what your grandfather’s companies do.I just know that Kang does technology so I thought…”

Jisung is staring at him like he’d just revealed he was Korean Jesus. “It's never even…but YeoYeo will be taking over Kang Tech?”

Seonghwa nods at that and drops his pencil back into the tin.

“I think that maybe you and your brother need to have a serious talk,” Seonghwa says before he lifts the sketchpad he’d been working on.“What do you think? Do you like it?”

“Bloody hell,” Jisung says, surprised.“That’s really fucking good.Wow.”

Seonghwa shrugs a little, pleased he could surprise him.Jisung’s gaze shifts from the sketchpad to Seonghwa to something behind him, and his face shifts from open to shuttered in a blink of an eye.Seonghwa twists around and sees Yeosang walking towards them.He changed since he last saw him and is wearing a pair of denim blue shorts and a black fluttery linen shirt that looks too big on him. 

“Hey, losers!” He calls out and waves, as if there are more people on the beach than just the two of them.

“He looks different,” Jisung said. “Like he's actually happy. You must be good for him.”

“What?” Seonghwa turns to look at him in surprise.

“Listen, we fight a lot.But he’s my brother and he’s, he’s had some issues before, so.” Jisung sits forward, leaning closer to Seonghwa. “If you hurt him, I’ll fucking end you.”

Yeosang reaches them before Seonghwa can react. Jisung stands and glares at his brother.

“Hey, YeoYeo, still ugly, I see,” Jisung says.

“Hey, Jisung, still stupid, I see,” Yeosang replies and then grins, walking forward and pulling his little brother into a hug which he frantically tries to get out of. 

“Oh fuck me, just stop, Jesus, why are you kissing me with your mouth, goddammit, gerrof,” Jisung becomes a wild mixture of cat and octopus as he hisses and squirms to get out of Yeosang’s tight grip and when he eventually manages it, he looks flushed and angry but there’s laughter in his eyes too.Yeosang is laughing at him but he steps back, out of reach of a kick thrown his way, and leans against Seonghwa who’s still seated.

“So you guys met? And both of you are still alive, I’m impressed.”

“It was a close thing,” Seonghwa says.“But I won him over with my art skills.” He picks up the sketchbook and turned it so that Yeosang could see the sketch he did of Jisung.

“Wow, Hwa, that’s so good.” Yeosang leans down and catches himself before he presses a kiss to Seonghwa’s cheek but Jisung sees and rolls his eyes.

“Oh, I know you guys are fucking so, whatever,” he says, aiming for nonchalance but it sounds a little painful.“You don’t have to keep it a secret around me.”

Yeosang’s jaw drops and he stares between Seonghwa and Jisung.“What?” It sounds like a wheeze, like someone is squeezing both his lungs shut.

“Bro, your future husband literally painted you looking like he sucked your dick. Seriously, it’s obvious.”

Seonghwa tries to avoid Yeosang’s eyes but he doesn’t manage.Yeosang bends down and grips his chin hard. “What the fuck, Hwa?” It’s a hiss and his hands are ice cold from shock.

“I didn’t even…” he tries to come up with an explanation.Then he reaches for the watercolour where it lies on the chair.“This? This is what I did and he just guessed.”

Yeosang grabs the postcard watercolour sheet from him and scowls down at it.Seonghwa watches worriedly, shooting Jisung a look.Jisung, the little shit, just smirks at him.Clearly being chaotic evil runs in the family.

“This…this isn’t bad actually,” Yeosang admits and hands it back to Seonghwa with a sigh.“Jesus, Jisung, you must know this is a big deal, about…”

“You being gay?” Jisung asks and he shifts his weight.“It is, I mean.Yeah, it’s a big deal and I get why you haven’t told us.But, you know. I’m your brother.” And he sounds and looks hurt, behind the bolshy facade and the swearing, he's just a seventeen year old kid. 

“Okay,” Yeosang says, quietly.“Jisung, I’m gay. I like men, exclusively. And no, it’s not a phase.”

Jisung stares at him, his eyes huge. Seonghwa holds his breath because he’s not sure what Jisung’s going to do, but then the younger boy just gives a short jerky nod.

“Yeah, okay.As long as you,” he swallows.“As long as you’re careful, YeoYeo. I don’t want you to get hurt.”

Yeosang stares at his little brother for a long few seconds before he opens his arms and Jisung walks straight into them, folding his older brother into a tight hug.

“Okay,” Yeosang says quietly.

“Okay,” Jisung answers back and with one last squeeze, he steps back.“Okay, so. What are you guys doing today?”

“Beach then maybe lunch somewhere?” Yeosang glances at Seonghwa who shrugs.

“I’m easy, I’m just here to keep the Kang brothers in line,” he says and gets twin pained expressions aimed at him.

“You wanna come hang out with us? I haven’t been here for forever so you can show us all the best places to shop and eat," Yeosang says and Seonghwa smiles at that. He couldn't love this kid more. He's still recovering from just coming out to his baby brother and yet, here he was, making sure he was being included. 

Jisung rolls his eyes.“But, bro, it’s gonna be so lame if you want to suck face with him all the time.”

“Yah,” Yeosang growls, taking a menacing step forward. “When did you become such an ass?”

“Like you’re one to talk, YeoYeo,” Jisung snipes back and Seonghwa grabs Yeosang around the waist and spins him away from his brother when he tries to smack him.

“Stop it,” he tells them both.“Or I will put you both on time-out.” He looks at Jisung. “I would love to get to know you better and Sangie’s missed you.So, come with us? We tend not to do PDA in public, so your virgin eyes are safe, I promise.” And then, before Jisung can say anything, he turns to look at Yeosang who’s squirming in his grip.“And you, behave like the mature adult you are. He’s your baby brother.Don’t goad him.”

The two Kang brothers glare at one another and Seonghwa glances between them.

“So? Are we going to spend a nice quiet day at home, under the watchful gaze of your grandfather and Miss Angie, or are we going to go and have some fun?”

“Fine, whatever,” Jisung says, pouting.“I get to choose the music though.”

“Fine, whatever,” Yeosang mimics but promptly shuts up when Seonghwa glares at him.“Can’t believe you’re choosing sides in this.”

“I am not choosing sides. I am negotiating, it’s very different. Either way, I win. You don’t want to head out, that’s okay with me. I can draw and swim and sleep. No skin off my nose.”

“Boring,” both brothers chorus in unison and then shoot one another a death glare.

“Fine, then. But I get to choose where we go to lunch,” Yeosang says petulantly.

“I thought you haven’t been here in years, how would you know what’s good?” Jisung shoots at him, arms over his chest.

“I have a phone and access to the World Wide Web, so like, I can totally look up good places to go eat.”

“Yah, like a fucking tourist,” Jisung says and Yeosang leaps at him again and Seonghwa catches him again and puts him behind him.

“Christ, if the two of you don’t stop I will fucking kill you both and not even all the security team your grandfather employs can stop me,” he growls at them.“Now,” he says, wiping his face clear of any scowls and anger and smiles at them both.“No fighting, no biting, no tantrums,” here he looks at Yeosang who just pouts and oh god it is so fucking cute. “And less fucking swearing.” He looks at Jisung here who stares him down but at the very last second gives a brief sulky nod.“And no throwing food when we get to the restaurant. Do we have an accord, gentlemen?”

When they both reluctantly nod, he makes them shake hands and then puts his hand over theirs, startling them both.

“There, it’s sealed. You act like brothers not like animals, or I will dump both of you and leave you at the mercy of bodyguards and your grandfather.” Then he picks up his watercolour set, brushes and the few things he’d painted and dumps it into his backpack and starts back up the beach towards the gate without looking for either of them to follow him.

“That’s…” he hears Jisung say behind him in a startled voice.“How’d he do that?”

Yeosang’s voice drifts towards him. “I don’t know, but I like it.A lot.”

“Oh my god, no,” Jisung wails.“Is that like a dirty sex thing? Yeosang!”

Seonghwa bites down on his lip as he waits for them at the gate.Yeosang’s eyes are sparkling and bright and Jisung manages to look both put upon and gleeful. Seonghwa just grins at them both and follow’s Yeosang’s cute ass through the garden with Jisung walking at his side, brushing shoulders with him. He listens intently as he chatters away about art and design and games. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As an aside - one of my previous jobs was working for a ridiculously well off foreign family - they had bodyguards, planes, yachts, several houses and villas, spoiled kids, high expectations, money to burn - so I'm writing the shit that I know from personal experience. So buckle in for a wild ride going forward. 
> 
> Also, we got word that our beautiful prince Seonghwa is not doing so well, so here's to him and all of our Ateez boys, wishing them health and safety.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heads up, mateys! This one is a heavy one. Yeosang plays open cards with Seonghwa (and later on with the guys) about a few things that's made him distrustful of people and why he shies away from touching and some of what has given him PTSD. The first instance I describe through Yeosang's words, the other instance is heavily implied and then he shares slightly what's happened, mostly because his baby brother is there, so he doesn't go the full description, but it's there. 
> 
> I have amended the tags, but please, if I'm missing others, without being spoilery, let me know. Also this chapter is almost 16,000 words and I don't even know.

Seonghwa only has to step between the Kang brothers twice during their day spent walking around markets and shops and only once during lunch.He sees it as a win.They’re too alike, he realises, both fast, sarcastic and bloody smart. He can see how things can escalate between them, but he can tell that Yeosang is also pestering his little brother because he loves him and it’s a way to show affection.

They only have one guard with them and he’s less visible than Seonghwa thought he’d be, which was nice.It was almost like they weren’t being shadowed but he could tell Yeosang was aware of the man’s presence and he kept himself a little aloof.

They get back to the villa with plenty of time to get ready for the evening’s shenanigans.As they draw up outside, Seonghwa let out a loud whistle.The place had been transformed.The villa is spectacularly beautiful but now there are huge overblown blooms everywhere in all the downstairs rooms.The lights have been adjusted too, to glow softly and warmly.The garden outside had been turned into a scene from a movie with a large gazebo, a dance floor, and thousands of lights strung between the carefully cultivated shrubbery. 

There is also an army of staff hurrying around doing mysterious ‘things’ with Miss Angie presiding like a general, tablet in hand and bluetooth earpiece.She glances at her watch when they come through the doors, laden with bags and escorted them up the stairs, her voice low so that she could not be overheard.

“Good, I was about to send out a search party to find you boys.Jisung, I’ve got your suit ready for you in your room.Your grandfather has been asking after you and I lied to him and told him you weren’t feeling well.You are not to tell him that you went out with Yeosang, is that clear?”

Seonghwa’s jaw drops at this.“Why?”

Yeosang just shakes his head at him and mouths _later_.

“Yes, Miss Angie.” Jisung is remarkably abiding as the woman talks to him and gives him instructions about what to do and what not to do whilst the party was underway.Mostly it was warning him and Yeosang to behave and not get into any fights in front of the guests.Seonghwa wonders what happened in the past for this to be repeated so often.

Jisung’s room is on the other side of the villa and he waves goodbye to them as they stop outside their door.Yeosang walks into his small suite with a sigh and drops his bags at his feet and sinks down on the leather couch with a sigh.

“He talks _so much_ ,” he groans.“How does he manage to keep talking so much?”

“Aww, be nice. I like him.He’s a good kid.He is just enthusiastic about what he loves.” Seonghwa turns to small fridge that’s hidden inside the antique looking cabinet and takes out a water for each of them.He tosses a bottle to Yeosang who grabs it mid-air and grins his thanks.

“Actually,” Yeosang says contemplatively after he’s taken a few swallows.“I have _never_ really heard him talk so much in forever.We usually don’t actually spend that much time together.”

“What? Why not?”

“Grandfather tends to keep us apart.He does not approve of us growing too close.”

“Again, I ask: what and why not?” Seonghwa sits down on the other couch and watches Yeosang decide what he wants to say.

“It’s his way of compartmentalising us. He thinks I’m a bad influence on Jisung. I am not as easily intimidated as Jisung and he’s worried Jisung will become less easy to control when we spend time together.”

“That is awful. He’s your baby brother.” Seonghwa scowls down at the water in his hand.“Is that why Miss Angie told him not to tell your grandfather that he spent time with you today?”

Yeosang rubs his face tiredly and sits up a little.“Partly.We’re never supposed to be together in public, outside of a safe space like here or any of the other homes.We never travel together, we’re never publicly together at the same time. It’s a risk we can’t take.”

“A risk?” Seonghwa shakes his head.“I’m sorry, this is all so fucked up, I’m struggling to wrap my head around it.”

“I’m the heir, he’s the spare.” Yeosang’s mouth twists at the words.“If something happens to me or to Jisung separately, he’ll still have someone to take over the company.So he made the rule when my parents died and I moved in with my aunt and uncle that the two of us would never travel together, be seen together in public.It was too great a risk to the family.”

“Because of,” Seonghwa took a breath, catching on.“Because of assassination attempts? Kidnapping?”

Yeosang nods jerkily and he is so pale it looks like he’s going to faint.“It happened once before, the…the kidnapping.”

“Fuck me,” Seonghwa breathes out and slid towards Yeosang, his hands automatically reaching for him.“I had no idea, Sangie. I’m just…fuck, I’m so sorry.”

Yeosang is trembling and he focusses on Seonghwa’s face with what seems with like great difficulty. “I want to tell you, Hwa.It will make you understand things a little better.”

“No, Sangie, listen to me.If it’s going to throw you off, and make you feel bad, just don’t worry about it, don’t tell me anything. You don’t have to.”Seonghwa’s reaching for his face, to cup his cheeks, but Yeosang grabs hold of both his wrists. 

“No, Hwa.I want to.” His gaze is searing.“I want to tell you this because I need you to know. Only a handful of people know what happened. My therapist does, my grandfather does, some of it at least.But I’ve never told all of it to anyone I lo-like, so please. I trust you and,” he swallows hard.“If we’re going to be together for longer than five minutes, I think you’re someone who deserves to know what's happened to me and why I’m this fucked up.”

Seonghwa can tell how much this is costing Yeosang to say so he nods and prepares to listen, sitting down cross legged in front of Yeosang, even if he’s struggling with his legs. He’s never really managed to do it properly, like his limbs just don’t know how to fold.Eventually he just gives up and sits with his knees bent, leaning against the heavy coffee table, facing him.

Yeosang watches him mess round for a few seconds, a small smile on his face.“Good?” He prompts. “All settled?” And when Seonghwa just sticks his tongue out, he laughs a little, and it works to break the tension.“Do you want to sit on the couch instead?”

“God, yes please.” Seonghwa lets Yeosang pull him up and they settle on the couch, opposite one another.This is far better and Seonghwa can get his hands on Yeosang’s hands. Yeosang stares down at their joined hands for some time before he starts, his voice very low.

“I was fourteen years old when I was kidnapped. I was taken outside my school and no one knew about it.The man who took me worked for my uncle. He was a trusted guard and he’d been with the family for several years.The man drove me to school, collected me, he drove my aunt and uncle, he even,” Yeosang tightened his grip on Seonghwa’s fingers.“The fucker even drove Jisung sometimes. I just, fuck, if anything had happened to Jisung. He was so _little_ , Hwa.He was really small for his age. He must have been ten but he looked seven, maybe eight. He would not have made it.”

Seonghwa tries not to freak out at his words.He has to stay calm here.Yeosang is trusting him enough to share this and he has to keep his shit together.

“So, this pond scum takes me. I initially have no idea what’s going on.I trust him, I like him. He’s handsome and he’s taken care to pay me attention in the past and I fucking lapped it up like the affection starved kid I was. No one ever spoke to me, I practically lived alone in my uncle’s mansion. They were always either working or travelling, and so the only people who even saw me daily were the staff at the house.Poor little rich boy, huh?” His lips twist in an ugly expression, but he goes on.“He drives us out to a neighbourhood I don’t recognise but I don’t panic because he tells me he’s bringing me to meet my uncle.And he talks to me, asks me about school, about how I’m doing with my skateboarding, if I’ve learned any new tricks and it’s nice. It’s just a nice average car journey but something just fucking feels _off_ , you know? So we get to this big warehouse and he drives in and the door closes behind us.And I’m starting to panic a little? This is weird, even for my life. But I’m pretending to be okay, because I’m Kang Yeosang and I don’t show fear, not even to my grandfather, especially not to him and definitely not to my uncle.Jae lets me out and tells me my uncle will be here shortly, but that he wants to show me something first.”Yeosang untwists the cap of his water bottle and takes several long swallows. When he’s done Seonghwa takes it from him so he doesn’t have to struggle with trying to close it because his fingers are shaking too much.“And so I go with him and he’s got his arm over my shoulder and he’s chatting away, like nothing is wrong.And I answer him, because I’m thinking, this is fine, this is normal, this is Jae. He’s always been friendly, always looked out for me, and my family trusts him. And he’s teasing me about girls, telling me I’m going to be a heartbreaker when I’m older and I’m dying on the inside and blushing because I like _him_ and I like _boys_ not girls but I don’t say anything and it’s awful. And he takes me to the office in the warehouse. It’s right at the back, up some stairs. It still has this old dilapidated desk and sagging couch in there and,” Yeosang falls silent for a few moments, his breathing laboured.“He pushes me in through the door and he hits me. He punches me hard, in the stomach, then in the face and I drop. There’s so much blood and I can’t breathe and he’s laughing.”

Seonghwa feels like he’s dying.He wants to cry.The pain on Yeosang’s face is so vivid. Seonghwa sits closer and Yeosang lets him in, he props one of his knees up so that Seonghwa can sit in his space and he grips the fabric of Seonghwa’s shirt, anchoring himself.

“He hits me, and the more he hits me, the more fucking aroused he gets. I wanted to die, Hwa. I wanted to die because of what was happening. But I remember fighting against him so hard. I didn’t stay down, I kept getting up and it made him so angry and I couldn’t even cry because I was in complete shock.”

“Oh my god,” Seonghwa breathes. He has no idea what to say or do but Yeosang shakes his head, tightening the grip on his shirt and forges on.

“He held me for three days, they told me, afterwards when they found me.I was malnourished, dehydrated, drugged out of my mind, running a fever. I had a broken arm, fractured ribs, I was mildly concussed, my face was a mess. I spent months in hospital, recovering. My grandfather came to see me twice. The first time he told me that it had been my fault, the kidnapping.That I trusted too easily and that it should be a lesson for the future.The second time he visited he came to tell me that Jae had been dealt with, that his men had found him after he ran, castrated him, fed him his own cock and sank him in the Han River. I don't know if that is true. I never found out if he told the truth, but I didn't care. I was glad he was gone and I didn't care if he'd been killed because of me."

“What the actual fuck,” Seonghwa is reeling.  Yeosang's eyes are wide and he's staring at a point beyond Seonghwa's shoulder as he tell his nightmare. 

“It turns out Jae had a psychotic break of some sort. He’d stopped taking his tablets and his lover had run off with another man and it was, it was the last straw, apparently.His boyfriend said Jae’d been abusing him for years, hitting him, having sex with him against his will, locking him up. He’d been banned from several nightclubs in the past, for picking fights.He liked hitting boys. Boys like me and doing, doing stuff to them. But I fought him, Hwa.I fucking fought him, even drugged I fought him off.That’s why he broke my arm. He never, he never got to fucking rape me.I kicked his balls in.” Yeosang focusses on Seonghwa’s face with great difficulty.“So, that’s it. That’s my story. Pathetic, huh? So fucking pathetic and stupid.” Yeosang's mouth twists, his eyes too bright as they refocus on Seonghwa. "I'll understand if you want to go. Leave, I mean. I know this is a lot of shit to dump on you out of nowhere but I really _really_ wanted to tell you. And I know it's gross and I'm such a fucking loser and so messed up, so, if you want to go, you know. I won't blame you. So. You have an out, if you wanted it."

His voice is so soft and so tentative, Seonghwa tells himself not to blow up now, not to shout and scream and march downstairs and pound Yeosang’s grandfather into the ground for blaming his own fucking grandson for being kidnapped and abused. He takes too long, he realises, to answer, when Yeosang’s eyes go wide and fill with tears.

“I’ll understand if you want to leave,” he says again, his voice barely under control.“It is a lot of shit to deal with and you don’t…”

“Shut up,” Seonghwa whispers, moving closer still, but carefully.He presses his forehead against Yeosang’s.“Don’t even go there, okay? Why the fuck would I want to leave the best thing that’s ever happened to me?”

“What?” Yeosang says numbly. “What?”

“I don’t have the words to express how sorry I am for what you went through, Sangie. You didn’t deserve any of it, no one does.Especially not you. Jesus, it breaks my heart that you had to go through something like that, but you know something?” Seonghwa has Yeosang’s face cupped between his palms, his thumbs wiping the tears that are silently falling. “That experience, everything you have gone through, has brought you here, _to me_. You are so special to me. I don’t think you understand how special, how unique and how much I care for you. You are so incredible, so brave, so beautiful, so just unutterably sweet and sarky and I love you.”

Yeosang lets out a muffled sob and then he’s in Seonghwa’s arms, his hands are in his hair and his lips are on his and he’s pressing against him, almost painfully. 

“What did you just say to me?” His voice is low, low, low and so full of disbelief. He’s staring down at Seonghwa and he looks wild. 

“I said a lot of things, all of them true,” Seonghwa said, as quietly as Yeosang. He’s scared, it feels like he’s rushed this, but something tells him maybe not.So he takes a small breath.“And I know we barely know one another…”

“Seven weeks, four days, and eight hours,” Yeosang says, surprising him.“A month, 3 weeks and almost a day.That’s how long we’ve known one another.”

“But it feels like I’ve known you my whole life,” Seonghwa says, honestly.“I can’t imagine my future without you, Sangie. Fuck, it sounds so dramatic, I’m sorry.”

“No, no, no.Say the thing.” Yeosang kisses him softly.“Say. The. Thing.”

“The Thing?” Seonghwa blinks and then realises what he means.“Oh, the _thing_.The love thing? I love you?”

“I don’t know, do you?” The smile is there, but it’s teary and so sweet and precious, Seonghwa’s heart _hurts_.

“I do.I love you so fucking much.”

“Oh god, Hwa. Are you real?” Yeosang kisses him, softly, before sitting back.“Please, please tell me this is real.”

Seonghwa grabs his hand then and bring it up to his mouth and kisses his palm, whilst staring up at him, and then he gently bites into the flesh just below his thumb before kissing it again.

“If you can feel that you know you’re not dreaming and this is real.”

“Oh good,” Yeosang mutters against his mouth.“I just needed to make sure. Because I think I might really fucking love you right back.”

Seonghwa wonders if a person could die from being happy. He kisses his boy and he holds him and he thinks that this is it, this is where he wants to spend forever, wrapped in his arms, holding him close.

They’re interrupted by a loud knock on the door.

“What?” Yeosang calls, his voice shaky.“We’re busy, go away.”

“Half an hour till the first guests start arriving.Stop whatever it is that you’re doing and start getting ready.”Miss Angie sounds amused.“Are you listening?”

“Un-fucking-fortunately,” Yeosang calls back, his eyes on Seonghwa's face. 

“Seonghwa, please handle him tonight. Make sure he doesn’t swear at people like a little fucking barbarian.”

“Oh, I’ll handle him, all right!” Seonghwa calls back, shaking with silent laughter at Yeosang’s gasp and Miss Angie’s cackle.

“Unbelievable.The youth of today,” she huffs out before stomping away, but it’s spoiled by a bright peal of her laughter that reaches them easily through the closed door.

“I like her,” Seonghwa says.“She seems to be good people.”

“She is.She’s the only one who knows everything that’s happened to me, apart from my grandfather and my uncle and aunt.”

“What did she do when she found out?”

“She went crazy and fought my grandfather. She got my dad’s lawyers involved and it got bad for a while.He eventually gave in and she took me to the French alps, to her house there and arranged therapy, got me private tutors. I was there for a year before I came back to Seoul.”

“Fucking hell, Sangie.”

“Whatever. It’s over. I made it and I’m alive and I kinda love you,” his mouth does this little quirk thing, the secret smile that Seonghwa adores. “And after tonight I don’t have to see any of my family for at least another year.” Yeosang swings off his lap and holds out a hand.“Come on, lets go get pretty.”

“You mean prettier, surely,” Seonghwa says tripping over his feet as Yeosang pulls him towards the room that’s been tidied in their absence.

***

They have separate showers, Seonghwa opting for the second ensuite because he doesn’t think he would be able to keep his hands off Yeosang once he’s naked.He’s still reeling from everything Yeosang had told him, about the kidnapping, his grandfather blaming his own grandson for being kidnapped. It was fucking horrendous.He stands under the spray in the shower and decides that he’ll do everything he can to protect his man, in any way possible.No way would he ever allow him to get hurt in any way, ever again.It was wholly unacceptable, and if anyone dared so much as breathe wrong in Yeosang’s direction Seonghwa will be throwing hands.He realises he’s being childish about it, immature for sure, because it would never really come to throwing hands, he’d need something else on his side.Power. And he knows who has power.He’ll have to form an alliance but he doesn’t think it will be too difficult.

One of the staff had hung out his suit for him and he dresses in the trousers and shirt, before padding into Yeosang’s room.He finds Yeosang standing in front of the mirror, fussing with his formal shirt and he takes a moment to just appreciate him.His dark hair is carefully styled, away from his forehead and his suit trousers fit him perfectly. 

“Oh hey, handsome,” Yeosang says smiling at him in the mirror.“You okay?”

Seonghwa holds out the velvet box.“Help me with the cufflinks?”

Yeosang steps forward and smiles at him.“Of course.” He takes it from Yeosang and pops it open. He stares at the cufflinks for a second.“You know, I’ve never given anyone jewellery before.”

“I’ve never been given jewellery before. Or a suit. Or flowers. There are a lot of firsts for us,” Seonghwa says, standing close, his fingers toying with Yeosang’s shirt’s buttons.He gets his forefinger through the gap between two buttons and runs his finger over his stomach.“First time I’ve ever told someone I love him.”

“Hwa…” Yeosang breathes.Time slows then and he drifts closer to Seonghwa out of his own free will.“We’re going to be late.” But he has his head tilted up, just a little maybe and Seonghwa is in love and he wants to kiss this boy who loves him back, so he does.And he’s careful, and gentle, the heat building slowly, slower than ever before. And when he pulls back they’re both trembling a little and Yeosang leans away from him, his ass on the counter. 

“Wow,” he says, clearing his throat and swallowing convulsively.“Wow, okay. Fuck.” He reaches for Seonghwa, his hand finding its way to his face, tumb pressing against his lower lip and swiping over it.“I live for your kisses, you know?”

Seonghwa blushes. “You like me kissing you that much?”

“It’s possibly my favourite thing in the world.”

“What? Only _possibly_?” He pretends outrage but Yeosang is laughing.

“Fine, it’s definitely my favourite thing in the world.”

“Good answer,” he whispers.“Now, help me dress.”

Yeosang’s hands only tremble a little when he pushes the cufflinks through the cuffs and moves back a little.“Which tie are you going for?”

“So, I’ve done some research on ties and knots,” Seonghwa says and he doesn’t miss the surprised look on Yeosang’s face.“So, I’ve got a video saved of how I want to tie it.Will you help me?”

“Of course!” Yeosang makes grabby hands.“Show me the video.” 

Seonghwa hands him his phone and pulls up the video.“It’s called The Balthus Knot. I think it will suit one of the paisley ties you gave me. I’ll be right back.”He hurries to the second bedroom and brings all three the ties back, along with the two waistcoats and drapes them on Yeosang’s bed.“Okay, here we go.”

Yeosang looks up from the video, over to the ties and the waistcoat.

“We’re going to go for black,” he tells Seonghwa.“The black paisley tie and the red Westwood waistcoat. Put the waistcoat on for a second?”

Seonghwa pulls it on and stands still under Yeosang’s ministration. 

“Yes, it’s going to work.Okay, take it off again and lets do your tie.”

Yeosang slips the tie around Seonghwa’s neck and takes his time tying the intricate knot he’d chosen. 

“Why this one?” He asks Seonghwa.“Why not just a regular knot?”

“I don’t know really, it just looks really good? And tonight is a formal event so I want to look good for you.”

Yeosang flushes at that and stands back, smoothing the tie down over his chest.“There, all done.Put your waistcoat on and look at yourself in the mirror.”

He does as Yeosang instructs and pads over to the bathroom so he can check himself out in the full length mirror.

“I look tall,” he says, but Yeosang isn’t there.When he looks around he finds him walking back into the room carrying Seonghwa’s jacket.Seonghwa lets him slide the jacket up and over his shoulders.

“You look fuckable,” Yeosang tells him, stepping around him after smoothing the jacket over his shoulders.“I’m going to have so much fun undressing you afterwards, Hwa.” His hands linger on the jacket’s buttons.“Pay attention to this,” he says and Seonghwa snaps his eyes down to Yeosang’s, his mouth dry. “If you wear a suit with one button, it’s always buttoned when you’re standing but when you sit down, you unbutton it.Two buttons on a suit, top button only.But this, you’re wearing a three button suit jacket so,” he taps the top button. “Sometimes,” then the second button. “Always,” then the third.“Never.”

“And the waistcoat?”Seonghwa spreads the suit jacket open. “All buttons?”

“No, bottom button is always undone,” Yeosang says, pushing his hands away and tapping his fingers. “Leave it.”

“How do you know this stuff?” Seonghwa asks with a little laugh, catching those clever fingers and pressing a kiss to them.Yeosang smiles at him, turning back to his own wardrobe. 

“Miss Angie, believe it or not.”

“I do believe it, actually. She seems the type who’d know stuff like this just to tell you to ignore it and do whatever you want anyway.”

“Know the rules, so you can break the rules,” Yeosang says.

His suit jacket is similar to Seonghwa’s in cut, but the fabric, although it’s still black, has a faint sheen to it and when Seonghwa looks closer, he sees that the jacket has a matte floral design incorporated in its fabric. He fingers the fabric and smiles at Yeosang.“This is pretty,” he says.

“Isn’t it?” Yeosang’s smile is wide.“I chose the fabric and had it made for me.” He opened the jacket and shows Seonghwa the red silk lining.“I match your waistcoat.”

“I love it.You are gorgeous.” He’s pulling Yeosang towards him for a kiss, when there’s a knock on the door to the suite and Jisung’s voice pipes up.

“It’s me!You better be dressed, I’m coming in.”

He swings the door open and catches them separating without any sign of embarrassment. In fact, Seonghwa sends him a wink and Jisung just pretends to gag.

“Goddddddd, I can’t believe you,” he mutters, collapsing on the couch.“YeoYeo, you’re not even wearing a tie yet. Stop making out and get done.”

“I’m still dressing, you ass, stop whining.”Yeosang prods Seonghwa towards him.“Go, put your shoes on and stop distracting me.”

Seonghwa moves towards Jisung but then turns back to Yeosang.

“I actually have something for you,” he says, very quietly, hoping that Jisung wouldn’t overhear. He glances over his shoulder but the boy had his head bent over his phone and his thumbs are moving at lightning speed.“But I can hold on to it until later?”

“No,” Yeosang says and his eyes are big and wide and excited.“No, gimme. Want.”

Seonghwa grins at that. “Close your eyes, hold your hands out.” 

Yeosang does as he’s instructed, both hands palms upward.Seonghwa takes out the small silk bag from his pocket and places it in the palm of his hand. 

“Okay, you can look now.”He anxiously watches as Yeosang frowns at the little bag, before undoing the tiny bow and tipping the contents into the palm of his hand. 

“Hwa,” he says and his eyes are shining.

“I know,” Seonghwa says, softly, touching the brushed hammered silver band lightly with the tip of his finger.“I know it’s a bit much but I wanted to get you something and I know you loved the ring so, you know.” He shrugs a little.“I thought I’d get it for you.”

“I love it,” he whispers. “I love you.”

Seonghwa can feel himself blush all the way up to the tip of his ears.“Can I put it on you?”

At Yeosang’s shy nod Seonghwa slides the ring onto the ring finger of his right hand and presses a kiss to his knuckle. “I love you, pretty thing. Nothing’s going to change that. You’ve got me on your side no matter what.”

“Hwa…” he says but then his eyes move past Seonghwa to Jisung and his expression changes.“Yah, what the hell are you doing, you brat?” He almost makes it past Seonghwa but Seonghwa is faster and he reels him back, kisses him firmly on the mouth and shoves him into his room and closes the door.“Get dressed, Sangie. Stop being distracted.”

“I hate you!” Yeosang shouts and there’s a loud thump of something falling but Seonghwa is turning around to stare at Jisung.He holds out his hand.

“Show me.”

“What? No, it’s my phone. I’m not showing you anything.”

“Jisung, I am your hyung.You will do as I say.”

“Or what?” Jisung challenges, lifting his chin.“What will you do? You may be my senior but you’re…you’re…” He frowns at Seonghwa.“How do you do that with your face?”

Seonghwa just stares at him, his eyes hard and impenetrable.“Give.”

Jisung huffs and pushes his phone into his hand.Seonghwa does an admirable job of hiding his laughter as he looks down at the photos Jisung had taken of the two of them.It looks like Seonghwa’s proposing to Yeosang and…weirdly, he’s not freaked out by that.He grins then.“Send these to me.And the others you took of us today.And the selfies we took.”

“What?” Jisung looks surprised.“You’re not going to tell me to delete them?”

“I trust you,” Seonghwa says, simply.“You’re Yeosang’s brother and I know you love him.You won’t share this with anyone who can hurt him.”

“Jeez,” Jisung says, eyes huge.“You are something else, Park Seonghwa.” But then he does as instructed and sends Seonghwa a series of messages.Seonghwa grins down at his phone and opens their group chat.He chooses one where the three of them are eating ice cream after their lunch. They’re laughing at something that Jisung has said and only Yeosang is looking at the camera, with Jisung and Seonghwa leaning towards one another, conspirators.It is a great photo and the three of them look happy.

He sends the photo and captions it: _Met the baby brother, can we adopt him?_

A flurry of messages come back and Seonghwa laughs, turning his phone around to show Jisung who stares at him in surprised shock.

“You shared that with people?”

“With my closest friends.They’re good people.You’ll like them.”

Jisung takes the phone and stares down at the messages, his face flaming red.

“Adopt me?” He squeaks.“I’m an adult! You can’t adopt me.” He watches the messages and then starts laughing.“Your friends are all assholes. I love them.”

“Hey, respect your hyungs, brat,” Seonghwa says, sniping the phone out of his hands.He looks at Jisung and notices that he’d obviously taken care with his appearance.His suit is well made, clearly expensive.His tie is skinny and he’s wearing white trainers and it’s enough of a fuck you to the establishment that Seonghwa beams with pride.“You look good, kid,” he says. 

“You do too, hyung,” Jisung says.“You guys make a good couple.”

Seonghwa wanders into his room to find the shoes.“It’s not freaking you out? That we’re together?”

Jisung shrugs a little.“Not really, I guess? I mean, I don’t see what the fuss is about. I’ve never really felt that way about anyone so, I can’t really say anything, but I like how the two of you look at one another.”

“And how is that?” Seonghwa asks him, surprised by his words.Honesty must run in the Kang blood. 

“Like, the other person matters. Like you’d go to war for the other person.” Jisung flushes.“Like that, I guess.”

Seonghwa ties his laces and walks over to Jisung and pulls him into a tight hug.

“That is possibly the nicest thing anyone has ever said,” he admits.For a second Jisung seems completely surprised by the hug but then he relaxes into it, and pats Seonghwa’s shoulder a little awkwardly.Seonghwa steps away and smooths his suit jacket again.“I mean it, brat. Thank you.”

Jisung just rolls his eyes at him and mutters _whatever_ before he walks to Yeosang’s door and hammers at it.

“Come on, YeoYeo! We don’t have all night.”

Yeosang steps out so fast Jisung has to fall back or get smacked in the face and Seonghwa can only stare.Yeosang’s tie is the same dark red as Seonghwa’s waistcoat whilst his waistcoat is black. Seonghwa realises that they match. It’s subtle, but it’s there for anyone to notice if they look properly. Yeosang’s also taken the time to do something magical to his eyes again and his lips look fuller and is flushed with colour. 

“Okay, boys,” he says, looking them both over.“Let’s go pretend we like the assholes downstairs for a few hours.”

*** 

“Kang Yeosang,” an authoritative voice calls, halting all three of them as they make their way down the stairs towards the ground floor and the arriving guests. 

Seonghwa watches with interest as a tall man resembling the Chairman, draws near.He wears his hair swept back from a high forehead and looks every bit the high powered executive he must be.He’s blandly attractive, forgettable and Seonghwa feels a hint of pity for the man.He’d never stand out in a group of people, draw the eye or make an impact in any way.His suit is sharp but unimaginative.At his side is a woman who is impeccably yet demurely dressed in evening wear.Everything about her is understated, her hair neatly coiffed, her make-up minimalist yet perfect.The diamonds on her ears match the slender necklace and bracelet she’s wearing. Her dress looks simple and Seonghwa knows it probably costs more than his entire tuition fee three times over. 

“Uncle, Aunt,” Yeosang says, bowing formally, Jisung following suit.Seonghwa takes a beat late to bow too and he purposefully doesn’t keep the bow long.Because fuck these two.

“We were surprised to hear that you would be here this weekend,” his aunt says, her voice melodic as they stop a few feet away from them.Her glance moves from Yeosang to Jisung and she tuts.“Jisung, your tie is skew,” she says, moving towards him but Seonghwa moves to block it, effectively stopping her from getting anywhere near the younger boy and thereby drawing attention to himself.

“I am Park Seonghwa,” he says, knowing he’s breaking all kinds of etiquette and not giving a shit.“I’ve heard so much about you.” And his tone manages to imply that none of what he heard was good but the polite expression and smile on his face completely contradicts that and he is delighted to see the frown plucking her brows together.“I am a friend of Yeosang’s from college,” he explains. 

“Ah, yes, the artist,” Yeosang’s uncle says.“Father mentioned you.”

“The chairman is very kind to have mentioned me,” Seonghwa says and his smile doesn’t falter.“I had the pleasure of meeting him yesterday.”

“Pleasure?” The man repeats, frowning.“That is not how he described it.”

“Ah, I understand. Old age is the demon none of us can hide from,” Seonghwa says. “No matter the type of spoon we’re born with.”

“Yeosang, dear,” Yeosang’s aunt says, her gaze resting heavily on Seonghwa, the corners of her mouth turned down as she glances at his suit, then at Yeosang’s.She picked up that they matched and it gives Seonghwa a kick.“You have obviously taken on a charity project to keep yourself entertained whilst you’re at school.It really is admirable of you bringing your little friend to stay with you but I hardly think it’s appropriate as it is an intimate family gathering.”

“Intimate?” Yeosang glances over the guests crowding the lawns outside.“Three hundred guests is hardly intimate, Auntie Mi Ra.As for Seonghwa being here,” he smiles at her and there’s a blade’s edge to it.“It’s really none of your business, now is it? If you have nothing else to goad me with, we’ll be off, so, please excuse us.Enjoy the party and your evening.We won’t be seeing you again.”

And with that, he leads them away, leaving the older couple gaping after him.

Jisung is making a small whistling sound like a deflating balloon as he lengthens his stride to keep up.

“Fucking hell, hyung.That was _intense_.”

Yeosang glances over his shoulder at his brother.“Stop swearing, Jisung, and stay away from them.They are poison.”

“I know, YeoYeo. I barely see them.”

“If they interfere with your life, you message me or Miss Angie, is that clear?” They come to a halt just outside the large patio doors leading to the garden.“Swear it.”

“Jeez, Yeosang, fine.I swear it.”

“Pinkie swear,” he says, holding out his hand. 

Seonghwa watches as the two brothers pinkie swear before him and they each look up at him at the same time. He's staggered by the combined force behind it. 

“Witnessed,” he declares, seriously. And he can tell they are serious too.And he wonders what Jisung’s experience has been with his family.

“Do we have a plan for the night?” Jisung asks them, once they’ve broken away from one another.He takes in the assembled partygoers.“I mean, we can always slip away and game in my room later?”

Yeosang grins at him.“That would be fun.How about we do that later, after his big speech?”

“Awesome.Okay, I have to pretend to go talk to grown ups and care about what they say and obviously, I hate you, so,” he squares his shoulders and then he whips around to Yeosang and hisses at him.“Just shut up and leave me alone, okay?” Before he stomps away dramatically. 

“What?” Seonghwa says, nonplussed.

“It’s what we do.We fight.It’s expected.It’s very tiring.”Yeosang sighs and slumps a little.“But sometimes it goes a bit too far and we actually do fight and we forget that we’re really brothers and love one another.”He walks with Seonghwa down the stairs.“The last time we fought properly we didn’t speak to one another for two months.”

“Oh, Sangie, that is shitty.”

“I know. I worry about him so much but he’s such a little shit. He just does what he wants and he gets away with it.My grandfather really indulges him a lot.”

“You should talk to him about what you want to do with your life,” Seonghwa tells him, accepting two glasses of champagne from a passing server and handing him one.“Do you know he wants to be a games developer? That he’s doing coding with a friend of his? They’re working on a game together.”

Yeosang looks at him in surprise, glass resting against his lips.“He told you that?”

“Yeah, this morning on the beach.”

“You are incredible, Hwa, do you know that? Jisung is really guarded around people. He hardly ever talks to anyone.”

“I think it’s sketching people that makes them talk. Very few people really know how to be quiet so they feel they need to fill the silence so they talk.” Seonghwa looks over the assembled guests.He’d never seen so many diamonds in his life. He easily finds the security guards dotted throughout the gardens too.They were all suited, earpieces in, and not visibly armed, but he could see a few bulges under arms and knew what those were.“Do you know that your baby brother threatened to kill me?”

Yeosang almost miss-steps and Seonghwa steadies him.“He what?”

“Yep, just before you turned up this morning.He told me that if I hurt you, he’d kill me.I think he meant it.”

Yeosang watches his brother talking to a group of older men, looking very much the confident young chaebol he was, rather than the ridiculous kid with ice cream all over his face from a few hours ago.

“Yeah, maybe he did.” Yeosang turns to look at Seonghwa.“You better not fuck up then, lover.”

And Seonghwa flushes a bright red at the term, making _his_ lover laugh delightedly.Miss Angie spots them and waves them over. Seonghwa has no brain capacity for a clever comeback, so he just follows behind Yeosang, in a daze.

***

They are an hour into making with the nice when Miss Angie came up to where Yeosang and Seonghwa were talking to two couples who Yeosang knew were directors from one of the companies Baek owned.Seonghwa is talking to the one man’s wife and she seems eager for any kind of attention.Yeosang partly eavesdrops and is amazed to hear her talk about her hobby which, Yeosang would never have guessed, was creating beautifully artistic pieces of pottery, which she was showing to Seonghwa on her phone.

Miss Angie stops at his side and waits for a moment until there was a lull in conversation before she speaks.

“We have some guests asking to see you both,” she says and she bows in polite apology to the two couples before whisking Yeosang and Seonghwa away.

“Who wants to see us?” Yeosang asks her, catching sight of Jisung trapped in a circle of suits, his grandfather’s hand possessively on his brother’s shoulder.Jisung sees him and sends him a look that is brimful of dislike and Yeosang turns his head away.The charade is awful but he feels his grandfather’s gaze on him and Seonghwa as they walk past.

There is a mix of people at the party, all of them very well dressed, very wealthy and mostly deeply boring.He knew far too many of them, having spent enough time in board meetings with his grandfather, attending lunches and dinners whilst being groomed as the heir apparent before he escaped to college.

As they walk Yeosang glances over at Seonghwa.Seonghwa is a hit. How could he not be? He is charming, interesting to talk to, erudite, and he has the ability to listen and ask pertinent questions. He also looks like sex on a stick in his suit and Yeosang spotted several pairs of eyes on his boyfriend as the night wore on, not all of them female.It is a new feeling, this slow burn of heat anchored just below his sternum, and it something he doesn't want to think about too much because he’d overanalyse it and freak himself out. His therapist would tell him not to fear it, to explore it, but fuckit, a boy had come into his life from out of nowhere and turned his world upside down, he was allowed to be a little thrown and angsty. But his mind circles back to Seonghwa, as it does far too often and too much. He's a boy who’d been so careful with Yeosang, handled him as if he were made of glass, as if he were something precious, and Yeosang had _let him_. He’d given himself, bit by bit to Seonghwa and as he showed him who he was, Seonghwa had not looked away, had not left him, had not run away.He’d wrapped Yeosang in his arms and whispered words like _i love you_ and _you’re mine now_ and kissed him breathless. 

“..not met them before but they seem to know you?” Miss Angie is saying.She is dressed beautifully in a flattering evening dress, her hair styled just so, her lips very red and her eyes far too sharp.

She leads them towards to the main reception room where a group of men are standing.

“Gentlemen?” She says and they turn around at her voice and Yeosang gasps. 

“The hell?” He says, genuinely surprised.He looks at Seonghwa who looks equally stunned, but then Wooyoung is laughing at them.

“Surprise, the gays are here!” He shouts and then all of them are around them, laughing and hugging and Yeosang’s head is spinning.

“How? How did you guys get here?”

“Miss Angie called me,” Wooyoung says as he stands back to allow San and Mingi to press themselves all over Seonghwa who, somehow still manages to look elegant, even if he’s being manhandled by San and Mingi with Hongjoong, Yunho and Jongho waiting their turn.“She said that as she’s the one organising the party for the chairman, they wouldn’t mind another six mouths. She also said you guys would need backup so here we are.”

“And also,” Miss Angie says, slipping her arm through Wooyoung’s arm and pulling him close. “I do like to have several handsome men to dance with.”She seems very pleased with herself and Yeosang is reminded of her smirking face that morning at breakfast.Devious, he tells himself.She’s clever and devious and he couldn’t be happier. 

“I’m going to leave you be,” she says, her smile indulgent.“Yeosang, make sure they get enough to eat and drink. Make use of the smaller ballroom too. I'm sending more of the younger party goers this way too. I’ll send Jisung over too.He looks to be dying of boredom and your grandfather will be doing his speech soon." She nods at Wooyoung before looking at Yeosang again. "I’ve arranged for them to stay at the guest house, by the way, so if you want to head back there later, feel free to do so.But only after the Chairman’s speech and at least another hour of mingling.”And with that she’s gone and everyone crowds around talking all at once.Seonghwa leans his shoulder against his and smiles at him. _Did you know?_ he mouths at him and Seonghwa just shakes his head and shrugs a little. 

It transpires that Miss Angie had booked the six of them on a plane after talking to Wooyoung the night before.Wooyoung had met Miss Angie in the past and they were thick as thieves.She flew them out first thing and by the time they got to the villa, Yeosang, Seonghwa and Jisung were out sightseeing.They’d decided to keep it a secret entirely and with Miss Angie’s help and her black credit card, had gone on a separate shopping trip to buy suits for the night’s event. 

“Who exactly is Miss Angie?” Seonghwa asks him, his voice low, as the others wave a waiter over carrying a platter of champagne. “I know you said she was your parents’ friend but…she seems to have a lot of clout?”

“She looks after Kang Industries,” Yeosang says.“She was made chairman after my dad died.”

Seonghwa looks taken aback for a moment.“And she’s here, organising your grandfather’s party? Isn’t it a little below her status as a Chairperson in her own right?”

“Miss Angie is a force to be reckoned with,” Yeosang says. “She probably bullied my grandfather and to shut her up he agreed. You know, she inherited her father’s wealth when he passed away? She put a lot of that into Kang, trusted my dad that much.He made her partner but she refused to be an active partner and instead spent her time doing other stuff. Like climbing mountains, skydiving, joining nomads on the Silk Route.She’s not your average person at all.”

“That’s something,” Seonghwa says.“I really like her.”

“She used to be the only good thing I had in my life,” Yeosang admits.

“And now?” Seonghwa asks him under the cover of the others talking loudly about the food they’re munching on.

“Now I have you. And _them_ ,” he says, jerking his chin at the others.“Wooyoung doesn’t count though, he’s too much of an ass hiding secret visits like this from me,” he finishes with a semi-yell, just loud enough for his friend to hear.

“Listen, Miss Angie is a bully. Had we not agreed she would’ve sent some muscle guys round to get us on a plane down here anyway,” he says and he looks not at all remotely sorry. “Besides, the weather is so good, how could we say no to a trip to Jeju?”

There’s laughter from the outside and a few younger guests walk through the doors and soon enough there’s a real divide at the party, between the older guard and the younger faces.Yeosang is a little surprised by the turn of events but it seems a natural divide. He knows almost everyone here and he spends time introducing everyone to everyone else and it feels, he thinks, remarkably good, his two worlds colliding.His new friends are all handsome, well dressed, funny and interesting and easy to chat to.Yeosang can see the sons and daughters of the directors gathered tonight unwind a little and it’s less formal and more just, letting their hair down.Seonghwa stays at his side, drifts off occasionally, but the usual anxiety Yeosang feels around people is barely there. 

Jisung turns up and Seonghwa swiftly takes him under his wing and introduces him to their shared friends.Yeosang watches his little brother win them over with his usual sarcasm and cheek and can see when San and Mingi swoon collectively and immediately embrace Jisung as one of them and drag him off to talk who knows what, gaming probably.Yeosang smiles at Seonghwa as he makes his way back to him and he starts paying attention to the heiress of a large import company that’s cornered him and he feels bad for previously being so aloof with her.She seems nice and her boyfriend looks like he’s doting on her. She’s talking about going to college in NY and how she missed Seoul and her friends.

“San and Mingi,” Yeosang says as Seonghwa joins them. “Look like they are ready to steal my baby brother.”

The girl, Jin-joo’s eyes widen as she takes in Seonghwa’s appearance. 

“Yeosang, who is _he_?” She’s holding onto her boyfriend’s arm a little, looking stunned.“We’ve never seen him before?”

Her boyfriend, Yeosang tries to remember his name, Oh-sung, looks equally rattled by Seonghwa’s appearance and doesn’t seem to find his girlfriend gripping his arm that tightly at the sight of another man that odd at all.

“Ah, this is my friend from college, Park Seonghwa.He’s an artist.” Yeosang smiles at them.“Hwa, this is Jin-hoo and her boyfriend, Oh-sung. Jin-hoo’s dad runs Geun Imports and Oh-sung is…”

“Literally no one,” Oh-sung supplies, his smile deprecating. 

Jin-hoo seems to remember herself and she turns to look at Oh-sung and leans into him a little, making him smile.

“He’s not no one, he's the love of my life.He’s studying political history and we met last year at a campus wide mingle.”

“Oh, that’s sweet,” Seonghwa says and Yeosang has to bite his lip to not laugh when both Jin-hoo and Oh-sung lean towards him a little.“You make such a great looking couple.What are you studying, Jin-hoo?”

Yeosang watches as they drift closer towards Seonghwa and he wonders if his boyfriend realises how charismatic he is, how attractive. He suspects he has no idea.

“Oh? Me?” Jin-hoo seems to momentarily forget her entire academic career until Oh-sung grins at her and nudges her a little.“Right, right. Forensic accounting.”

Seonghwa looks as surprised as Yeosang feels.“Wow, that sounds intense. I’m really not good with numbers. And, to be honest I have no idea what that even entails.”

And Yeosang watches as Seonghwa laughs and jokes and prods and by the time Jin-hoo and Oh-sung wander away, looking a little dazed, he knows they’re both a little in love with his boyfriend.

His. Boyfriend.Because that’s what they are, right?Doubt crashes into his head with military boots, brandishing a sharp blade.He stills then, feeling winded and dizzy.They’re halfway to where Jisung and the terrible twins are involved in a heavy conversation, with hands and entire bodies thrown into it, when Seonghwa turns to look at him.The look is so, so _everything_ he needs right then, completely searing and hot and fucking possessive that Yeosang feels his cheeks flush. Seonghwa stops then, in his tracks, firmly wraps his fingers around Yeosang’s wrist and starts towing him away from everyone, deeper into the villa, towards one of the rooms not really open to visitors. It’s darker, with less light, and Yeosang’s heart is in his throat when Seonghwa pushes him into a room, it’s a small study, probably someone’s office, Yeosang has no idea and as soon as he’s got the door closed he’s pushing Yeosang up against the door, crowding close.

“Fuck I need to kiss you,” Seonghwa says, and his lips are so close to Yeosang’s, he can feelthem barely brush against his.“I just, I can’t stand not having my hands or mouth all over you right now. Not in that suit, not when you look like…this, _fuck_ , pretty thing.You scramble my brain.”

Yeosang watches him, sees him war with himself and possibly he relishes it. He relishes feeling that he has this much power over Seonghwa, over this boy with his careful hands and soft eyes that burns into his soul.

“I’d like for you to kiss me,” Yeosang says.“I really don’t mind.”

“I worry that if I did, I won’t stop.”Seonghwa’s pressed so close to him now, his knee between Yeosang’s thighs.His cheek against Yeosang’s, his lips brushing the curve of his ear as he whispers.“I worry that if I kissed you, that if I touched you, I’d want to do a whole lot more than just _that_ , Sangie.”

Yeosang can feel his entire body flush at the words.He closes his eyes for a moment and swallows. He turns his head the tiniest of fractions so he can whisper in Seonghwa’s ear.

“What happened? What set this off?”

“You did. You in this fucking suit, looking so good. You’re whole package, baby.So fucking hot and beautiful and sweet.How you kept smiling at our friends, letting San hug you? You’ve never let him do that.I wanted to fucking rip his arms off,” Seonghwa growls.“Then, earlier, there was this one guy that kept staring at you.It looked like he wanted to devour you and if Miss Angie hadn’t come to call us away, I was going to push him into the fountain, the fucker.”

Yeosang presses closer, brushing his mouth over Seonghwa’s ear, down his long neck, letting his teeth graze the skin there. He has his hands on Seonghwa’s hips, holding him in place.Seonghwa has both his arms on either side of Yeosang’s head, restricting them both from doing anything further. 

“You sound possessive, baby. I didn’t think you were?”

“Fuck, neither did I.” Seonghwa takes a deep breath, nuzzling Yeosang’s neck.“You smell so good, you look so good. I want to make you feel good.”

“You do, oh god, Hwa, you have literally no idea what having you at my side does to me? You’re just, you’re like a piece of me that I never knew I was missing.”

“Fuck,” Seonghwa mutters.“Fuck, I love you. I know it’s soon, and I am so worried about _us_ and it’s so fucking soon, and I just want to not to mess this up, but fuck, Yeosang, I care about you so much.”

Yeosang can feel Seonghwa trembling against him.And he loves this boy so much, right back.And he realises with a shock that Seonghwa’s genuinely scared, that maybe everything that’s happened today is somehow taking it’s toll on him and that maybe Seonghwa’s not doing that great right now.

“Baby?” Yeosang says, dipping his head so he can look Seonghwa in the eye.“Hey, can you look at me for a minute?”

Seonghwa’s eyes are huge and he’s so pale and he looks terrified.Fuck, Yeosang was stupid.He lifts both hands and wraps his arms around Seonghwa’s neck, pulling him into a hug.

“Why are you freaking out?” He asks him, pressing kisses to his temple.“Hwa, I love you. Nothing else matters, okay? Whatever you’re freaking out about, it’s not going to happen. I’m with you. I’m not going anywhere, unless it’s with you.” He kisses his cheek, slowly moving his way to his mouth.“Hwa, talk to me, please?”

Seonghwa’s so quiet in his arms, so unlike his usual self that Yeosang almost starts panicking but then he starts speaking.

“I’m so sorry, Sangie. I didn’t mean for this to happen. I’m just being ridiculous, feeling too much, thinking too much.”Seonghwa sucks in a breath, brushing his lips against Yeosang’s.“I’m okay, now, though.Sorry I messed up.”

“No, it’s fine,” Yeosang mutters, kissing him, open mouthed and sweetly.“You didn't mess up. I don’t know why you’re feeling what you’re feeling but I’m here, you have me for as long as you want me, okay?” He laces his fingers with Seonghwa’s and presses their joined hands against his chest. “Do you understand? Hwa, use your words, like you tell me.Tell me you understand.”

“I understand, Sangie,” Seonghwa says dutifully, softly, barely there.

“You know I love you.” Yeosang tilts Seonghwa’s head up to meet his eyes.“Do you understand? Read my lips: _iloveyou_.Now you.”

In answer Seonghwa presses their lips together as he breathes his own _iloveyou_ into Yeosang’s mouth.And he’s trembling less and Yeosang lets himself melt into his embrace.It feels so good. After a minute, five minutes, ten, twenty minutes, Yeosang has no idea how long, they make it back to the rest of the younger group at the party.Everyone’s moved outside and he’s a little relieved because Seonghwa looks like he’s been fucked. His hair’s not as perfectly styled as before, his full lips are red and swollen from where he’s been kissing Yeosang and although they neatened themselves up before coming back out again, there’s just an air of dishevelment about Seonghwa that’s hard to ignore. 

They join the others to watch as San waltzes with Miss Angie and it’s incredible. They look great together, putting the other dancers to shame on the dance floor.When the waltz finishes, San smiles and bows whilst Miss Angie gives him a gracious nod and curtsey in return.They return back to the group and Miss Angie catches sight of Seonghwa and immediately holds her hand out to him.

“Come, dance with me,” she instructs him.It isn’t a question and Yeosang almost feels pity for his boyfriend. But Seonghwa only nods and happily guides her to the dance floor.

“I can almost hate Seonghwa,” Mingi says from beside Yeosang.

“Why would you hate your friend?” Yeosang asks him, surprised.

“He moves like…like he’s been dancing his entire life. I mean, come on.No one is actually that graceful.”

Yeosang is smiling at that.Seonghwa is moving Miss Angie across the dance floor to the classical music from the 12 piece orchestra as if he’s taken ballroom dancing since birth.Miss Angie seems to be loving every second of it and Seonghwa seems equally happy with his dance partner, smiling down at her, his face open.

Yeosang watches when movement from the other side of the dance floor catches his eye.He sharpens his gaze and takes a deep breath, vision narrowing.He feels like he’s a deer trapped in headlights as the young man watching him smiles, a slow knowing smile, and starts moving towards them through the crowd. 

Mingi is still talking and it’s about Jisung now and what a cool guy he is and how the group definitely want to adopt him.Jongho is excited by this as it would mean he would no longer be the maknae.But Yeosang’s barely listening, his heart is thundering against his ribs, like it’s trying to break out of its confinement. 

The guy is closer now, and Yeosang feels paralysed. He remembers his hands on him. He remembers how good they felt, soothing, the soft voice in his ear, muttering sweet nothings.He remembers those hands changing, hurting him, fingers pinching, knuckles bruising, that soft voice turning into sneers, degradation.Yeosang is going to start hyperventilating and he’s going to cause a scene.He’s shaking so much that he shoves his hands in his pockets to hide it.He breathes, he remembers his lessons his therapist taught him but they don’t.fucking.help.and.he.is.going.to.die.

And then Jin-kyu is standing in front of him and he still smells the same, he still looks the same.Still handsome, still arrogant and so full of himself. Mingi had turned away for a moment to say something to San so he’s not seeing what’s happening and Yeosang can’t say anything because he has no voice.

“Sangie,” the man says, low and intimate. “You look so good tonight.”

“Jin,” Yeosang breathes and he knows he sounds stupid and he hates himself for it.“What are you doing here?”

“Your grandfather invited me.Actually, he invited my father and my father brought me. Surprise?”

“I thought,” Yeosang says with great difficulty.“I thought you agreed to never come near me again.”

“That was long ago, Sangie, come on.Look at you, all grown up and so pretty, fuck.” Jin-hyuk reaches up a hand and Yeosang flinches.He fucking flinches and closes his eyes, his heart thundering in his ears so loudly he can’t hear any fucking thing Jin-hyuk says next. 

And then Yunho steps up next to Mingi and says something loud, laughing and pokes at Jin-hyuk’s shoulder.It’s all under the guise of being playful but there’s real force hidden in that poke and Yeosang is aware of Yunho putting himself a little in front of Yeosang, blocking him with his body.

“And so how do you know our Yeosang?” Yunho’s voice is _so_ friendly, it drips with honey.

“ _Your_ Yeosang?” Jin echoes, his gaze flitting to Yeosang where he’s still standing, frozen. “Interesting.We were friends, long ago, at school.”

“Oh? He’s never mentioned you.Bro,” he says to Mingi.“Yeosang ever mention to you that he knows some guy called Jin-hyuk?” And when Mingi shakes his head, still staring at Jin-hyuk as if he were an insect under a microscope, Yunho calls every one of his friends forward and somehow, they form a rank around Yeosang. And they all deny having ever heard of anyone called Jin-hyuk from _their_ Yeosang.Yeosang’s head is full of a rushing noise and he’s aware of San being there, of San just solidly leaning against him a little, not really touching as such, just _there_. 

“So, sorry, bro.Yeosang must’ve completely forgotten about you,” Yunho concludes and his smile is wide and yet so full of sheer menace, that the newcomer visibly blanches.Then Yunho looks past Jin-hyuk and smiles a genuine smile at Seonghwa as he comes off the dance floor towards him. 

And Yeosang finds Seonghwa’s gaze and within seconds he knows who Seonghwa meant earlier, who had been staring at Yeosang.It must have been Jin-hyuk, because he’s always been an asshole. And Yeosang has never seen Seonghwa like this. He’s staring at Jin-hyuk with unconcealed distaste as he nears.

Jin-hyuk turns to look at Seonghwa, his eyes cold.He turns back to look at Yeosang.

“So this is who you’re fucking now?” He says and his voice is low and cold. “You must be desperate, Sangie. No other options at college then? Just any rat from the gutter good enough for you?” Then he glances around at the group of faces staring at him.“Oh, wait. Do you pass him around? Like a fuck toy? Yeosangie always liked it rough and nasty.”

“Shut up,” Seonghwa says pleasantly.“Shut the fuck up before you get your face punched in.”

“You? _You_ punch _me_?” Jin-hyuk scoffs.“Fuck off, you loser.”

“Oh,” Seonghwa says, wrapping his arm around Yeosang’s waist protectively.“I never said I’d be the one doing the punching.”

And it all happens so fast Yeosang has no way of predicting it.Yunho steps towards Jin-hyuk, as easy as anything and sucker punches him, the blow coming in low, from his hip, arm and fist close to his body, driving upwards into Jin-hyuk’s stomach, driving the wind completely out of him.Jin-hyuk folds over and staggers and Yunho gets an arm under his shoulder.

“Oh no,” he says, dramatically as a few curious eyes swivel their way.“Bro, you drank too much.Bloody hell, mate.Come on, let’s get you to a bathroom.” Yunho looks at San and Mingi and Mingi hoists Jin-hyuk’s other arm over his shoulder.San and a savage looking Hongjoong follow close behind, chattering loudly about the perils of drinking too much whilst Yunho and Mingi make a scene of carrying a heaving Jin-hyuk between them.Wooyoung and Jongho look a bit shell-shocked but they turn to look at Yeosang who’d not said anything or moved for several minutes.

“Nightingale,” Yeosang whispers so incredibly softly, it’s barely audible.But then his eyes eventually meet Seonghwa’s and there’s a sob in his voice.“Hwa, please.”

 _Nightingale_.The word jolts through Seonghwa and his anger at the piece of shit called Jin-hyuk dissipates immediately. 

“Guys,” he says to Wooyoung and Jongho but they both just nod and he catches Jisung’s eye too.And Yeosang’s baby brother looks like he’s fit to murder.“Look after Jisung. Do not let him go after Yunho and the others. I’m taking Yeosang away. I’ll text you later.”

They nod and converge on Jisung as he makes to follow the others and then Yeosang is being pushed through the house towards the stairs and he lets Seonghwa do that because he doesn’t think he has any brain capacity to navigate anything right now.

His brain is screaming at him and he can feel his lungs being crushed between large hands.Seonghwa has them halfway up the stairs when Yeosang’s knees give in and he buckles.Seonghwa doesn’t even stop. He just scoops him up bridal style and carries him past a startled uniformed maid coming down the stairs. 

***

Seonghwa is careful when he undresses Yeosang. He gets his jacket off, his tie and his shirt.This is not how he intended to undress his lover tonight but fuckit, there is no way Yeosang can relax dressed like a cover model.He makes swift work of the rest of his clothes and all the while Yeosang says nothing and it’s terrifying. Fat tears are silently rolling down his face and Seonghwa feels his heart clench.He quickly dresses him in one of his own oversized t-shirts and a pair of comfortable tracksuit bottoms Yeosang had slumped around in that morning when they first got up.The air in the rooms is cold, they’d set the air-conditioning low, and now it feels too cold.Seonghwa quickly changes into lounge pants and a t-shirt and pulls the comforter off the bed and carries it to the couch where Yeosang is curled up.

He sits down and pulls Yeosang against him, holds him, presses a thousand kisses against his forehead and temple, whispers nonsense words to him. He rubs circles against Yeosang’s back and they sit like that for what feels like forever. Yeosang stops crying eventually but he doesn’t move away from where he’s lying draped across Seonghwa.He has his hand curled against Seonghwa’s chest, right over his heart, and his breathing gradually evens out and when Seonghwa peers down, he’s met with Yeosang’s sleeping face. He stays like that for a few minutes, trying to blank his mind. Thinking about the words the man had spat at Yeosang and seeing how it had affected him, made him boil with anger.Seonghwa was not someone to throw hands, not easily, but he’d never wanted to hurt someone as much as he wanted to rip the unknown man apart. But he’d seen the chairman looking at him as walked towards Yeosang and their friends and he’d seen the man’s eyes narrow.And he knew, then, that whoever this man was, he was there because the Chairman wanted him there and it had something to do with the power play between him and Yeosang.Seonghwa held back hitting him, knowing he would give the chairman cause to do _something_ to either him or Yeosang and he wasn’t going to allow that.But Yunho, bless his protective Alpha male heart, had no qualms about stepping in at Seonghwa’s small nod.Yunho worked part-time, when his schedule allowed, at a gym training boxers and he was good at throwing hands.And San enjoyed showing off his own martial arts skills if they’re ever called on.And Hongjoong, well, Hongjoong was pretty but he fought mean and he and Yunho met years ago when they got into a fight together and had ended up hate fucking one another.

Seonghwa almost felt sorry for the poor asshole.Almost.

Carefully, so as not to wake him, Seonghwa reaches for his phone and opens their group chat.

**Sa(ta)n:**

We handed the asshole over to the security guards. Miss Angie stopped us from beating the living shit out of him.

**Yunho**

I know where he lives.I got his info from his wallet. We can still go and beat him up some more.

**Mingi**

He fucking made Yeosang cry.No one does that.

**Hongjoong**

So, if we’re serious about this, I know people. We can make him disappear forever.

**Yunho**

Fuck, Joongie, you’re so hot right now.

**Hongjoong**

Thanks bae.I’m serious though.Fucker doesn’t get to mess with anyone I know.We wait to hear what Hwa has to say.

**Wooyoung**

I’d like to vote for NOT murderising anyone.I’m too young and pretty to go to jail. 

**Jongho**

So, are we serious about this, because I’m fucking IN.Jisung is too, btw. He’s reading this over my shoulder.He also knows people. 

**Hongjoong**

God, I like this kid. We should hang out more, Jongho, tell him.

**Jongho**

Joongie, Jisung says anytime. I’ll send yo his #

**Seonghwa**

Guys, I love you.So fucking much.But please don’t murder anyone.And please stop trying to get my bf’s brother to commit murder with you.

**Jongho**

Oh come on, Hwa.Not even a little?

**Seonghwa**

How do you even murder someone just a little?????

**Sa(ta)n**

I just noticed my name is the only one here that’s a bit…weird.Why is that? Not that I’m complaining but still.Why is everyone themselves and I’m…that?

**Mingi**

Because it’s apt?

**Sa(ta)n**

I’m not even the one discussing murderising anyone!

**Seonghwa**

Listen up, gays.

NO ONE IS MURDERING ANYONE

EVEN IF HE FUCKING HURT MY MAN

JFC I WANTED TO RIP HIS HEART OUT AND EAT IT

**Mingi**

Uh, Hwa? Where are you?

**Jongho**

Jisung says that they’re probably in Yeosang’s rooms.Do you want us to come up?

“Tell them yes,” Yeosang says from against his chest, surprising him.“I want to thank them.”

“Sangie, honestly, you don’t have to.” Seonghwa pushes his bangs off his forehead and kisses him.“They’re going to come in here and they’re going to be loud and I don’t want them to make you feel shitty again.”

“They won’t,” he says.“They’re my friends now too.I’d like them here.I want to thank them, please, Hwa?”

Seonghwa’s thumbs hover over his keypad but then he sighs a little and send the message.

**Seonghwa**

Sangie says it’s fine.Let Jisung show you guys the way. You might get lost otherwise. Bring alcohol and snacks.

Seonghwa tosses his phone aside and looks down at Yeosang.

“How’re you feeling, my love?”

“Better, but also embarrassed. I’m sorry that happened, Hwa. I haven’t seen him in years. I didn’t think he’d be here.”

Seonghwa adjusts himself so he can look at Yeosang properly. He rests a hand against his cheek and swipes tenderly at the bruises below his eyes.He looks exhausted.

“This has been a rollercoaster of a weekend, huh?” Seonghwa says to him, smiling a little.“I am so sorry it’s been terrible.”

“It’s not been terrible,” Yeosang says, pressing a kiss to his palm where its cupping his face. “It would’ve been a hundred times worse if you weren’t here.”

“I just want to take you away from here,” Seonghwa says.“Will you let me?”

“In the morning.We’re leaving just before lunch.”

Seonghwa presses a kiss against his forehead, brushing their noses together.

“I love you, Kang Yeosang, just in case you forgot.”

Yeosang laughs softly.“I almost did.Thank you for reminding me.”

“Now you,” Seonghwa prompts him.

“What?” He blinks at him, eyes big and guileless. 

“Say the thing.”

“Fiiine, I love you or whatever,” Yeosang says, ducking his head down and hiding against Seonghwa’s chest, making him laugh.

There’s a knock on the door and it swings open and then Jisung is there, leading the troop of boys behind him, like a mini gang leader, and then he’s in Yeosang’s arms, and by proxy half on Seonghwa’s lap.

“That fucking bastard,” Jisung says, violently hugging his brother.“I am going to fucking destroy him. I'm going to hurt him so bad he'll never recover. They do _not_ get to mess with the fucking Kang brothers.”

Seonghwa is shocked by the vehemence in his voice, but Yeosang is nodding, pushing Jisung back a little so he can wipe the tears of anger away and off his baby brother’s face.

“It's okay, baby. I'm okay. He'll get what's coming to him.”

“Promise?” Jisung asks, leaning back so he can see Yeosang’s face.“I remember what he did to you. I was only little, but I fucking remember you coming home with bruises and crying.”

Everyone else had grabbed seats and Wooyoung and Jongho were in the process of handing out beers which they had gotten from somewhere.

“Jesus what the everliving fuck?” San says staring between Jisung and Yeosang.“Are you fucking serious right now?”

Yeosang lets out a heavy sigh and crawls out of Seonghwa’s lap after pushing Jisung aside and tucking him into his side. He leans against Seonghwa and Seonghwa cuddles him closer, his arm going around both Yeosang and Jisung’s shoulders.

“I dated Jin for a few months when I was sixteen maybe? I was the new kid in school and he was appointed as my student buddy.Anyway, I fell for him, hard.Seonghwa will understand more why I would have and why it was such a bad idea and I’m not keen to go into it all, I’m sorry. So, just, it started off well and it ended up badly. I didn’t date after that until I got to college and not even then, not properly.”

“That absolute fucker,” Yunho says bunching his hands.“I should have punched his dick in.”

“Not worth it. You wouldn’t have been able to find it, anyway,” Yeosang says offhandedly and then, the silence in the room is absolute for a full five seconds before Mingi starts laughing like a demented seal.And then everyone is laughing and so is Yeosang and it’s wonderful and healing.

“Thank you, you guys.” Yeosang stares at them all individually. “No one has ever stood up for me like that, had my back like that. You can’t imagine how much it means to me.”

“It’s not every day I offer murder,” Hongjoong tells him, his face very serious.“But you’re good people, Yeosang.”

“Hongjoong, you are very scary and I’m not sure if you’re kidding or not…” Yeosang starts, but then grins.“But thank you. I appreciate the offer.”

Hongjoong grins then, and it’s feral.He looks wolfish and very pretty at the same time.Yunho makes a noise in the back of his throat and mutters something and it sounds like _so hot_ but Seonghwa’s looking at Jisung who’s not stopped staring at Yeosang all this time.He taps his shoulder and Jisung redirects his gaze to look at Seonghwa.

“You okay, kid?” He brushes fingers through his hair, dropping his hand to his shoulder and giving it a squeeze.“You look rattled.”

“I want to hurt him,” Jisung says, balling his fists.“I want to hurt him so bad. He hurt YeoYeo and he came after him again tonight, hyung. I want him to just stop.”

“I know you do, I want him to hurt too, kid.But we have to be clever about it.”

“How?”

Seonghwa looks at him.“I'm not sure yet, but leave it to us, okay? We'll figure it out.”

Jisung blinks slowly.“Whatever you do, that piece of shit will regret the day he even met Yeosang.”

“And you’ll have all our help to get it done,” San says.“We’re family and no one fucks with us.”He leans forward and high fives Jisung who grins at him.

“I like your new friends, YeoYeo.They are savage,” Jisung says, cracking open his soft drink and throwing it back with a satisfied air, like it was the best imported beer in all of Korea. 

Yeosang looks amused and Seonghwa grins at him, shrugging a little in a _what can i say_ way.They can hear the party continuing downstairs, on the other side of the house, but everyone seems resigned about not going back out again.Wooyoung finds the remotes and they find some old martial arts movie just starting and put it on to watch.

Conversation is rambling and random, about the house, about the party, about how rich Yeosang is _actually_ and if Miss Angie would be interested in adopting San who looks a little in love, much to Mingi’s consternation.Jisung drops off to sleep and Yunho carries him into the spare room and tucks him in with a fond look on his face.

“I like him,” he says.“Feisty for a kid. And so _little_ , oh my god. My heart. He makes me feel like a giant.” He takes his place next to Hongjoong who curls up against him.

“Are you getting broody, baby?”

Yunho flushes.“I just like smol things, okay? Let me live.”

Hongjoong climbs into his lap and kisses him and Jongho whistles low.“Okay, that’s definitely not PG12 at all,” he says, putting a hand up to shield his eyes. “Not when Hongjoong’s hands start wandering like that.Oh my god, no,” he heaves, flushing bright red, making everyone laugh.“Go back to the guest house, you fuckers.”

Hongjoong settles back down with a smug look, looking more wolfish than ever before.They go back to semi-watching the movie again and Seonghwa watches Yeosang. He’s mesmerised by the slope of Yeosang’s nose, the sweep of the lashes when he blinks, the sharp v of his jaw.

“You’re staring,” Yeosang whispers.

“I know. You’re beautiful, I can’t help it.”

Yeosang presses a chaste kiss to his mouth, his expression smugly pleased.He snuggles closer to Seonghwa and drifts off at some stage.

Seonghwa nudges Mingi’s ass with his foot when the third movie’s credits roll.

“Time to go,” he tells him.“My boy is tired. It’s been a day.”

Mingi grumbles but then starts getting everyone up and moving.Yeosang wakes as they’re all whispering their goodbyes and decides he’ll see them off.He climbs off the couch, soft and sleepy and leads them down the hallways and stairs. The house is quiet, it’s after two in the morning, and the party is over. Yeosang unlocks the doors for them and a security guard glances over at the sound.

“Mikha,” Yeosang says to the man.“Please see my friends to the guest house?”

He nods.“Of course, Yeosang- _ssi_ ,” and gestures for the boys to follow him.Yunho stops at Yeosang’s side, watching the others go.

“You okay?” And the words are more than just casually, are you okay.It has heft.And Yeosang smiles at him.He reaches up and hugs Yunho, surprising him. 

“I am.Thanks to you and your friends.Thank you for coming.Thanks for everything.”

Yunho wraps a light arm around his back, it’s a brief hug, not invasive or panic inducing and he steps back out of Yeosang's bubble.

“You’re welcome, Sangie.We care about you.You’re special to Hwa, so you’re special to us too, don’t forget that. We’re family now.”

If he sees the way Yeosang blushes, he doesn’t say anything.Instead, with a last nod at Yeosang, he jogs after the others, quickly disappearing around the corner of the house. 

Yeosang pads back to his rooms and finds Seonghwa in the bedroom, pulling the comforter back over the bed.His hair is damp and his face is clean of make-up.

“You look cozy,” Yeosang says, coming up to him, into his space and kissing him softly.“Hmm, minty fresh.”

Seonghwa pretends to chase the kiss when Yeosang steps away, carelessly stripping the clothes he’s wearing and heading to the bathroom.

“Shower then cuddles, baby?” He calls over his shoulder and Seonghwa makes no effort to hide that he’s checking him out.Yeosang catches his eye in the mirror and raises an eyebrow.“You like?”

“So very much, yes,” Seonghwa says, giving him an elaborate wink.It’s so stagey and ridiculous Yeosang giggles. 

“You’re distracting me.Get into bed.I’ll be out in a minute.”Then he closes the door and Seonghwa fake grumbles loudly and climbs into bed, pulling his clothes off, leaving him in only loose boxers.He’s dozing a little, purposefully keeping his mind blank when, true to his word, Yeosang doesn’t take long getting done. Like Seonghwa he’s dressed in loose boxers and when he crawls into bed he snuggles close to Seonghwa, hands linked over his stomach, head pillowed on Seonghwa’s shoulder.

“What a fucking day,” he says and Seonghwa nods, pressing a kiss against his head.“I’m so glad we’re leaving in a few hours.”

“Me too. I want you away from here.”

Yeosang sighs and lies quietly for a few moments, trailing his fingers down Seonghwa’s chest and sides in soothing patterns.“About tonight, Hwa.About Jin…”

“You don’t have to say anything, Sangie.”Seonghwa takes a deep breath.“You don’t have to explain any of it to me and you don’t have to feel that you should. This has already been such an emotionally shitty weekend for you, I don’t want to you to go through it all all over again.”

Yeosang is so quiet Seonghwa worries he’s said something wrong so he leans forward to peer down at him and his heart wrenches in his chest.Yeosang is crying again. Great big giant tears just slipping down his face.

“Oh shit, honey, no, please don’t cry. Oh my god, Sangie, no, no, no.”

Seonghwa feels helpless and pointless and he has no idea what to do.He pushes back the anger he feels at _that piece of shit_ and focusses on the soft boy in his arms. He pulls Yeosang up so that he can look at him properly.He cups his face between his hands and kisses the tears away. 

“Hey now,” he brushes as lightly as he could at the dampness under Yeosang’s eyes.“Hey now, you’re safe with me, pretty thing.I swear on everything I hold sacred, my paints, my brushes, my heart, _you_.”

“I know,” Yeosang’s voice is barely audible.“I know, that’s why I’m crying.You care _so much_ , Hwa.And I don’t know what to do with it? Like, no one has ever…” He wipes at his eyes and sniffs.“Ugh, gross. I’m gross.”

“You’re not. You’re never gross.A little sexy sometimes, fuckable a lot of times, sarcastic more often than not, strong all the time, pretty all the times, but you’re never gross.”

Yeosang gasp laughs at his words and pushes his face away. “Shut up,” he says, but fondly. “Why are you so nice?”

“I’m not nice,” Seonghwa tells him as he reaches for tissues on the side table and hands it to him. “You can ask anyone outside my circle of friends. People tend to stay away from me.”

Yeosang blinks at him in surprise.“That is the biggest load of bs I have heard in my life.”

He wipes his face and blows his nose, scrunching it cutely and going ‘ugh’ again and ‘so gross’ again, and it makes Seonghwa weak.

“True story,” Seonghwa tells him.“I tend not to talk to people outside of who I know.”

“But you talked to me? And you are so good at people?” Yeosang says.“Everyone loves you. Like, that couple we were talking to earlier tonight, the forensic girl and her boyfriend.They were smitten with you.”

Seonghwa blinks at him.“I’m really good at pretending, Sangie. I learned how to be nice to people from my mother.She always had so many people around, all the time, that if I was ever as quiet as I wanted to be, she was there badgering me, sending her friends to ‘draw me out’ and so it just became easier to pretend.But with you and with the guys, I don’t have to pretend. I can just do my thing.And it’s nice.”

“But you talked to me?” Yeosang says, his voice soft and his eyes big.“I didn’t think for one second that it would be a thing?”

“It…wasn’t?” Seonghwa says and he smiles.“I think that’s why Hongjoong was such an asshole. People tend to stay away from us.Me especially, so when you showed up, looking all sk8r boi and adorable, and actually talked to us, then got pissed off at us, that intrigued me and Hongjoong could tell.Also, Sangie, not sure if I’ve ever told you but,” Seonghwa leans a little closer to him as if he were sharing a secret.“You are really _really_ pretty.”

“Fickle, Park Seonghwa.You are fickle,” Yeosang says, smiling a little, his eyes so big as to hold all the stars and Seonghwa breathes against his lips.“But I kinda like you anyway, so whatever.”

“Yeah, whatever.”

Yeosang stretches out half ontop of Seonghwa and lets himself be kissed, softly, slowly.It feels good, Seonghwa is careful with him, but so self-assured too, not forcing him into doing anything apart from just being kissed. 

“Say the thing,” Yeosang begs him quietly.“Say it.”

“I love you, Kang Yeosang.With every fibre of my aching being.”

Yeosang’s eyes flutter and he smiles against his lover’s mouth.“I like hearing you say that.”

“I’ve never said it to anyone before.”

“I believe you.” Yeosang presses a finger against Seonghwa’s lips.“I do believe you.”

Seonghwa kisses that finger and then he’s kissing his boy again and it’s so goddamn good and lazy and Yeosang is so gentle and soft in his arms.They fall asleep in a tangle of limbs, smiling softly at one another.

When Jisung storms into the room just after eight to jump on them both, Seonghwa doesn’t push him off the bed or yell at him. Instead he wrestles him into compliance and hoarse giggles, accidentally tickling Yeosang too in the process, and it’s good.It’s all good and he’s happy.

***

Breakfast is incredibly noisy.Everyone is there.The staff look oddly _happy?_ And they’re flitting around making sure coffee cups are filled, bowls are filled, more of everything keeps coming in from the kitchen and Yeosang and Jisung are laughing and joking.Miss Angie sits at the head of the table, her tablet propped up as she checks the news feeds and makes notes in an open notebook at her side. 

The door opens and the same man from yesterday appears in the doorway, his expression as dour as it had been the day before.Yeosang notices him immediately and his expression shutters.

“Secretary Min?”

The room falls silent and all eyes go to the man who seems wholly unconcerned.

“Yeosang- _ssi_ , the Chairman would like to see Mr. Park,” he says, his voice oddly emotionless and void of intonation.“Alone.He assured me it won’t take long.”

Seonghwa moves to stand up but Yeosang grabs hold of his wrist.“Don’t,” he says, his tone desperate.“Don’t go.”

“I’ll be fine, baby.He doesn’t scare me.”

“He scares me,” Yeosang says and he’s trembling.“He’s going to try and hurt you.Hurt us.”

“He can try.” Seonghwa smiles down at Yeosang and he understands how scared he’s feeling because as much as Seonghwa is trying not to show fear, he is quaking.“I’ll be back before you can miss me.I promise.”

He stands then and he’s grateful that Yeosang doesn’t make a scene but when he catches Miss Angie’s gaze, her expression is very serious.She gives him a little nod and turns back to the table to tell the others that she’s arranged for one of their larger private planes to take them all back to the mainland and to be ready by twelve.

Seonghwa follows the man, Secretary Min, down the hallways, glad that he dressed well this morning in a nice dark blue button down linen shirt and clean dark jeans. 

“Did you buy the art for the villa, Secretary Min?”

Secretary Min seems surprised by the question and he shoots him a glance, before nodding.“I have. I am in charge of curating Chairman Baek’s personal art collection.It’s spread across all his properties and is quite extensive.”

“Were you trained as an artist?”

“I was, a great many years ago,” Min says and he almost smiles.“I met the Chairman at the opening of a gallery shortly after I graduated.I’ve been with him since.”

“You have exceptional taste,” Seonghwa tells him, pausing at a sculpture.“Is this a Degas?”

“Do you like it?”

“It’s beautiful.”And it’s true.Seonghwa admires the work that had gone into making the seemingly simplistic figurine.“It reminds me of his Spanish Dancer,” he says.“But I don’t think it’s quite the same?”

“Why do you say that?”

“It feels different.It doesn’t have the same movement.It is still incredibly elegant and beautiful, but it’s just not the same.”

Min watches him, his expression thoughtful.

“I cast it,” he says.“The Chairman bought it the night I met him.”

“That’s,” Seonghwa looks at him in surprise.“That’s incredible.You are very talented Secretary Kim.”

“Thank you, that is very kind of you to say.”His smile is small, pleased, but then he remembers himself and gestures.“Come, we can’t keep him waiting.”

So they walk towards the Chairman’s study and Seonghwa can feel himself grow more and more tense as they near those imposing double doors.Secretary Min knocks briefly and pushes the doors open, leading Seonghwa forward. 

Seonghwa, because his mother taught him well, bows formally and straightens after a decent three second pause.The Chairman does not look well this morning.Maybe it’s the light streaming through the windows but the man looks decidedly unhealthy.

“Thank you, Min. That will be all for now.”

Min nods and withdraws silently, closing the doors behind him as he leaves.Seonghwa wants to yell at him to come back, but instead he schools his face and looks at Chairman Baek.

“You wanted to see me, sir?”

“Yes.”Chairman Baek leans back in his chair, regarding Seonghwa thoughtfully.“Are you sleeping with my grandson?”

The question is so deeply unexpected, Seonghwa can only blink stupidly.

“I don’t think it is any of your business who your grandson sleeps with,” he says and his voice sounds, well, he sounds fucking angry.

“I have known for years that he is a homosexual.”

Okay, again, not what Seonghwa expected to hear.What the actual fuck was going on?

“Why am I here, sir?”

“Do you know how wealthy I am, Mr. Park?”

“I know you are wealthy enough to own a Monet, sir.That is pretty wealthy in my book.”

“My family has been part of Seoul’s rejuvenation, part of Korea’s growth, for great many years.I am proud of what I’ve accomplished.I have a legacy that I need to look after.Yeosang is my legacy.”

“I don’t see how this has got anything to do with me,” Seonghwa says, leaving off the ‘sir’ entirely.

“Oh, but it does, Mr. Park. Having you at my grandson’s side means that he will have no chance to meet a young woman from the right family.No chance for a real marriage, the type that our society expects. No chance of him producing an heir to continue my legacy.”

“So,” Seonghwa stares at the man.“You think that if I leave Yeosang alone, he’d miraculously find a girl, get married, knock her up and produce you an heir before you die?”

Chairman Baek’s mouth twists.“That is a crude way of putting it, but yes.Exactly that.”

“I hate to tell you this, Chairman Baek, but I don’t think Yeosang will ever show any interest in marrying a woman,” Seonghwa says.

“I don’t need him to be interested,” the man says, sounding tired.“He just needs to do as I tell him to do.Marry, give me an heir.He can still see you. Put you up in a penthouse and see you on weekends. You can continue being his dirty secret, as long as I have an heir from the oldest son to continue my heritage."

Seonghwa stares at the older man.He sees how his hands tremble, the sallow skin. He looks bad.

“How long do you have to live?”

Chairman Baek is an excellent poker player.His face hardly gives anything away, but Seonghwa knows faces.He draws them enough to know the man is surprised by his question.

“The doctors estimate a year, possibly less.”

“What is it? Cancer?”

“You are being incredibly rude, Mr. Park.Rude and invasive.”

“No, I’m not. You are the one being rude, invasive, selfish.Your grandson, against his will, does truly love you. He would not be here if he didn’t have some affection for you.Have you ever stopped to think that the way you talk to him and treat him is reprehensible? That he has his own mind, his own dreams?” Seonghwa shakes his head.“He is a good man, sir.He is honest and loyal and kind.He,” Seonghwa clears his throat.“He grew up to be so uniquely himself, regardless of how your own son treated him growing up, regardless of everything he’s been through.Have you ever just talked to him? Have you ever sat down with him and asked him what he enjoys? What his dreams are?”

“Dreams?” The chairman sits forward on his chair and jabs a finger at Seonghwa.“You talk about dreams? Without money, dreams don’t come true, you petulant arrogant child. But then you should know that.Is that why you are having sex with my grandson? Is that why you and all your grimy little friends cluster around him? Because he has money and he can pay for you? For them? Is that your dream after all, Mr. Park? To spend my grandson’s money to make your own dreams come true?”

Seonghwa flushes bright red.“With all due respect, _sir_ ,” he says, slow and clear.“You are the saddest, most hubris filled, pathetic man I have ever met in my entire life.If you cannot look at your grandson and see his true worth, which has nothing to do with the money you seem to love more than him, then honestly, I truly feel sorry for you.”

Chairman Baek waves a hand as if brushing his words aside.

“Please, Mr. Park.Your pretty words are just that. Pretty and empty. What is your price? What do you ultimately want from Yeosang? A hundred million won? Two hundred million won? What would it take for you to disappear?”

Seonghwa could not believe his ears.“You’re trying to buy me?”

“Everyone has a price, Mr. Park.Believe me, I know.I have not reached the age I am without learning a thing or two about what people want.”

“No, I imagine the people you surround yourself with have little to no scruples, which is why you have only ever had your way.I’m sorry, Chairman Baek.But you can’t buy me.”Seonghwa steps back, barely bows and turns to leave.He gets as far as the door before Chairman Baek’s voice stops him.

“You’re going to regret this,” the older man tells him, his voice almost pleasant and Seonghwa looks over his shoulder at him.

“I’ll never regret meeting Yeosang, but I regret that he has you for a grandfather.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shock made him numb. He stared at the letter, then at the woman behind the desk who had the grace to look deeply uncomfortable. 
> 
> “There are other ways,” she said, a strained expression on her face. “I can arrange for you to talk to a counsellor and they will walk you through what steps to take to apply for student aid.”
> 
> Seonghwa only shook his head. “Why?” His lips barely moved, his hands were cold with shock. “What reason?”
> 
> “I’m not entirely sure, to be honest. I think the scholarship administrators discovered a discrepancy in the funds allotted to you.”
> 
> “Discrepancy?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what can I say?
> 
> This one is emotional. Hongjoong does a reveal. Seonghwa is a good friend. Yeosang is the best boy. 
> 
> Saying more will be spoilers and we don't like that. The one thing again, I'd like to point out is that there is mention of depression. Do not take this lightly, do not romanticise it, as we are wont to do when it comes to artists and creatives. If any of this rings close to the truth for you and you've not ever reached out for help, please, I urge you: Do It.

“So,” Hongjoong says from where he’s stretched out on the couch in his and Seonghwa’s apartment.The windows are open, the airconditioning unit has died again, and the air is thick and cloying.They have barely any lights on because it’s just too hot and the only lights are coming from some fairy lights they put up at Christmas and were too lazy to take down.It gives the lounge a nice cosy ambience.Seonghwa walks back into the room carrying two ice cold beers and hands one to his flatmate before he sinks down in his own chair.

“So?” Seonghwa says, waiting for his friend to speak.

“I’ve been thinking about the Yeosang Dilemma,” Hongjoong continues, raising his beer towards Seonghwa.“Thanks, by the way.”

“The Yeosang Dilemma?” Seonghwa says, trying not to laugh at Hongjoong’s overly dramaness.

“Yes, exactly.”Hongjoong takes a sip of his beer and rests it on his stomach, his gaze directed at the ceiling.“We all really like him, Hwa.Like, for real.”

“We, as in the royal _we_ or?”

“Shut up, don’t be facetious, you ass,” Hongjoong says, grinning at his friend.“No, we, us, our group of friends, the six of us and you, of course.”

“Oh thank you for including me. And yeah, he’s good people, isn’t he?”

Hongjoong hums a little at that and watches the ceiling above him as if it held the mysteries of the universe.After a long few moments he speaks again.“You know, Seonghwa, that we’ve been friends for a few years now, right? That I appreciate you as someone I can talk to and who I see as someone trustworthy and, you know, all the good shit that people in friendships mean to one another?”

“Eloquent, Joongie, so very eloquent,” Seonghwa teases but then he nods.“But yes, we’ve been friends for a while and I also appreciate you for being a good person and all that other stuff.”

Hongjoong sighs a little and the silence that falls makes Seonghwa frown.“I’m not though,” Hongjoong says, softly.“I’m not a good person, Hwa.”

“What the fuck, Hongjoong? You’re like, the best? You care deeply about all of us, your baby Yunho, you’re kind, and generous? Sure, I mean, you are an ass sometimes, but then so are all of us.What do you mean you’re not a good person?”

Hongjoong is smiling at him, fondly.“Oh, Hwa, you really are adorable. So innocent.”

“The hell, Hongjoong-ah?”

“Okay,” Hongjoong says and he sits up a little, pushing himself up against the armrest.“I’m going to tell you something now, something big, about myself.And, you know, you just have to listen, okay?”

Seonghwa nods, dubious. 

“You know how Yunho and I met, right?”

“Yeah, you got in a fight at some club downtown.”

“Right!” Hongjoong points at him. “At a club.A club my brother owns and runs.”

Seonghwa tilts his head.This sounds familiar, vaguely, so he nods.“Okay. I know he has a club, we’ve been there before, several times.”

“Right, right, so my brother owns and runs Treasure.He also owns Answer, Utopia and Illusion. And some others I can’t remember right now.”

“Okay, so your brother really likes owning clubs.We all have to work somehow?”

“My brother also owns a fair number of noraebang and tattoo places andcoffee shops and so on.”

“Why are you listing everything your brother owns, Joongie?”

“I’m trying to explain to you that my brother is,” Hongjoong sighs and rolls his eyes.“My family isn’t all clean-cut and moonlight and roses,Hwa.We’re what the police might call gangsters.”

Seonghwa has no comeback for that.He can only blink at Hongjoong.A part of him wants to laugh, because, it’s just ridiculous.Hongjoong is small and fast and mean sometimes, but a gangster? He just doesn’t see it. But the way Hongjoong is looking at him tells him he’s being serious and not just being a dramatic ass, like he sometimes is.“Okay? Like, how do you mean gangsters?”

“Yeah, like, you know.Bad guys.” Hongjoong sighs and closes his eyes.“With guns and shit.”

“What. Guns?”

“Are you freaking out?”

Seonghwa stares at his friend.“No?”

“It looks like you’re freaking out.”

Seonghwa shakes his head.“No, I mean, yeah, a little? Why are you telling me this? Why now?” And Seonghwa wonders and he tries to think if Hongjoong has _ever_ in the time he’s known him been gangster about anything?And he can’t come up with anything.Sure Hongjoong can get them into places where you usually need to queue or have reservations, but then Hongjoong is well, Hongjoong and he’s just so affable and cute and in love with Yunho.He can’t see it.He knows he’s staring at Hongjoong who, to his credit, is staring right back, serious and intent.“Joongie, why are you telling me this now?”

“Because I want you to know that when I say, we can make the guy at the party disappear, I am not joking around.”

“Holy,” Seonghwa breathes.“ _Shit_.”

“Are you freaking out?” Hongjoong asks again and Seonghwa looks at him and what he sees is his friend being vulnerable, truthful, and open. 

“Not actually as much as I should, I think,” he admits, thinking about it.“Does anyone else know about your family? About you know.The gangsterness.”

Hongjoong’s lips quirk at that, but he shakes his head. “Only Yunho.I told him, early on.I didn’t want him getting involved with any of that shit,” Hongjoong admits.“When we fight it’s usually about _that_.”

“Joongie,” Seonghwa says after a few moments of thought.“Because your family does bad shit, doesn’t make you a bad person, you know?”

“Doesn’t it though?” Hongjoong asks and he looks uncertain.“I’m complicit in everything they do. The drugs, the sex workers they run, the money laundering, the…murder.”

“Are you though? Are you actively engaged in any of these things? Do you put hits out on other people? Do you sell drugs?”Seonghwa gestures.“Do you take part in general gang activity?”

“Well, _no_ ,” Hongjoong says.“But I know about it.When my brother talks to me he mentions shit that goes down but he’s never involved me in anything.”

“Why not?”Seonghwa stares at Hongjoong and watches his friend frown a little at the question.

“He doesn’t want me involved.He wants me to graduate and help him take his businesses legit.”

“That’s a big deal, Joongie.” Seonghwa takes a careful sip of his beer.“So, no, I don’t think that you are personally a bad guy because your family does things that are questionable.”

“You’re taking this far better than I thought you would,” Hongjoong says and his smile is sharp, all teeth.

“Well,” Seonghwa drawls.“In my defence I didn’t realise I had fallen for a chaebol heir who’s grandfather seems to be a raging sociopath.Everything else seems to sort of pale by comparison?”

Hongjoong considers this.“Yeah, I can see how my revelation being from a mob family isn’t that big a deal after that.But, honestly, Hwa.My brother won’t approve of this, but if you did want to get rid of that asshole, we can do something about it.”

“Joongie, I am not going to have you murder someone.It’s very sweet of you to offer though, so thank you.”Seonghwa sees something dark flicker in Hongjoong’s eyes and he leans forward and grabs his ankle.“I mean it, Hongjoong.Thank you.”

Hongjoong nods, reluctant.“Okay, just know the offer stands.”He refocusses on Seonghwa.“How is Yeosang doing, by the way?”

“He’s okay,” Seonghwa says and he can’t help the soft smile on his face that makes Hongjoong coo at him.“Shut up, you ass.”

“So I have a question.”

“I am not answering any sex related questions about me and Yeosang,” Seonghwa says.“Just so you know.”

Hongjoong clasps dramatically at his non-existent pearl necklace and gasps.“As if I would be _that_ uncouth,” he says huffily and then: “Not even like, a teeny bit of information? Hwaaaaaaaa?”

And Seonghwa grins at him and rolls his eyes, not even pretending to hide his own glee.“He’s just so…” And he gestures vaguely and groans. 

“Just sooooooo?” Hongjoong says, nudging his arm with his foot. “What?”

“He’s just so perfect, Joongie.Honestly, I fucking love him so much.”

“Oh god, this is too much.Too too much.” Hongjoong grabs at his shirt over his heart.“My poor cold dead heart.You’re killing me.”

Seonghwa laughs at his dramatics.“But, no, seriously.He’s so special to me, Joongie. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this way about anyone before.”

“You haven’t,” Hongjoong says.“And it’s scary how fast you fell for one another.”

“Uh, you fucked Yunho the night you met him.”

“That’s…not the same thing,” Hongjoong admits but has the grace to look flustered.“I just, I mean? I kinda have a blood kink, okay. Oh my god, like, Yunho wears blood so pretty, Hwa? And he’s just so? With his hands and eyes?”

Seonghwa laughs at his friend and kicks his legs.“Do not jerk off in the bathroom thinking about your boyfriend,” he warns him and Hongjoong flips him off.

“Shut up, who asked you anyway?”

But they’re both grinning at one another.Seonghwa checks the time.It was seven. He misses Yeosang.They’ve not seen each other the entire day and it felt awful, taking into consideration that they’d spent the entire weekend together and last night, Seonghwa having slept over at Yeosang’s because Wooyoung had opted to stay at Jongho’s.

“I’m gonna call Sangie,” he says, getting up. “I finished the coursework on the plane so if you want to, we could watch a movie later?”

“Nah, I’m going to go over to Yunho’s in a bit.”

“Cool, be safe,” he says and starts walking away but then, just as he gets to the passage, he leans around the wall and catches Hongjoong’s eye. 

“What?” Hongjoong demands.“What’s with the evil face?”

Seonghwa grins.“Flexible, Yeosang is very flexible.”

He’s laughing when he walks into his room, the sound of Hongjoong choking on his sip of beer like balm to his soul. He pulls out his mobile phone and almost throws it across the room in shock as it rings in his hand. It’s Yeosang.

“Oh hey, pretty thing. I was just about to message you.”

“Hwa,” Yeosang breathes and Seonghwa shudders.“I miss you.”

“I miss you too, baby.What are you doing?”

“Missing you,” Yeosang says again and his voice is low low low.“That’s what I’m doing.”

“Oh,” Seonghwa says, eloquently.“Yeah?”

“So much, Hwa. I miss your mouth kissing me.” Yeosang’s voice is breathy.“Your hands on me. The way your palms hold me, the way your fingers grip me, bruising just a little.”

Seonghwa is suddenly very hot. He’s flushed and he’s feeling dizzy. 

“Pretty thing,” he whisper groans.“What are you doing?”

“Seducing you? Is it working?”

“Maybe?” It’s definitely working.He’s already half hard just from hearing Yeosang’s voice.

“Hmmm, I’ll have to try harder,” Yeosang says, voice a little raw. “Do you want me to try harder, Hwa?”

“Yes, please, baby.Can you show me?”

Yeosang hums and Seonghwa immediately accepts the FaceTime call.Yeosang’s on his bed and good god, Seonghwa realises, he’s naked.Or he looks naked. He’s not wearing a shirt and his hair is dishevelled like he’s been running his hands through it.Seonghwa knows Yeosang well enough by now to recognise the heavy look he’s getting directed at himself through the phone.The light in Yeosang’s room is soft, making his skin glow. His full lips are open and his tongue swipes across his lower lip, making Seonghwa groan.

“You take my breath away like this. You look like so pretty. What are you doing with your hand, baby? Can you show me?”

Yeosang nods slightly, and he angles the camera tantalisingly down his soft abs where his hand is hooked lightly over his low-slung boxers.His hipbones hold the fading bruises from where Seonghwa had staked his claim.

“Oh, wow, Yeosang.Look at you, so goddamn pretty,” Seonghwa trails his fingers over his face. “Have you been touching yourself?”

“Hmm, a little,” Yeosang admits, his voice a little distant. “But it’s not the same, Hwa.”

“No?”

“No. You’ve spoiled me,” Yeosang says, the camera still directed at his hips, at the way his hands lightly run over his erection.“I want your hands on me, those gorgeous long fingers _in_ me. Your mouth wrapped around me.” The camera shows him how Yeosang lightly arches off the bed, chasing his own hand as he pulls away from touching himself.

“Fuck,” Seonghwa mutters, wondering what he should do. “I really want to be there right now.”

“Yes, please, Hwa,” Yeosang whispers.“Can you come over and fuck me?”

The look he sends Seonghwa sends a shudder down his spine and he nods jerkily, as if the puppet master controlling him had somehow lost his grip.Seonghwa felt like he was on fire as he watches Yeosang’s hand skim up and down the lean length of his torso, up his neck, fingers trailing upwards, over his mouth. 

“Please, Seonghwa?”

“Yeah,” he whispers, mesmerised.“Yes, I’ll be there in like, five minutes.”

“Hmm, please, hurry,” Yeosang says and his eyes are wide and hazy with lust.

“Fuck fuck fuck,” Seonghwa mutters, grabbing his keys, and stopping to think for a second, his backpack, shoving in clean clothes, underwear, condoms and lube, just in case.He’s out the door and past a surprised Hongjoong shoving his feet into his trainers shouting.

“Off to Sangie’s. I’ll see you tomorrow or whenever,” and then he’s slamming the door shut and he’s in the back of a taxi which, miraculously has air-conditioning and it doesn’t stop him fromshaking. 

***

Yeosang is dressed in some kind of vintage silk kimono thing that’s heavily embroidered with dragons and claws and the silk, god the silk against Yeosang’s skin is the perfect combination of slithery and cool and soft and warm and it makes Seonghwa almost blind with want.

“Pretty thing,” he breathes against his boy as Yeosang lifts himself into his embrace. “What’s this? What’s all of this neediness?”

“Want you,” Yeosang says, brazen, honest.“I haven’t stopped thinking about you the whole day.”

“You didn’t say anything when we spoke earlier today,” Seonghwa mutters, lips finding that delicious bit of skin just under Yeosang’s jaw that makes him shudder.“If you told me sooner…”

“Ugh, I know, Hwa.But I wanted to wait because…” he moans a little as Seonghwa drags his lips down the column of his throat. 

“Because?” Seonghwa prompts, his wide palms spreading across Yeosang’s waist and how is he so tiny yet so solid at the same time. “Words, baby doll, words.”

“Because I’m scared,” Yeosang admits, shuddering against him.“Fuck, your mouth, Hwa.”

“What are you sacred off, pretty thing?”It’s mindless, the words, not meaning anything, and he’s got his hands on Yeosang’s skin, and he’s warm and willing and then _something_ niggles at the back of Seonghwa’s mind.Something was wrong, off about this.All of this.And Seonghwa gets hold of himself and listens to what Yeosang is saying.It’s hard, he has his arms full of a gorgeous boy who’s plaint and needy and who’s making the softest little moans of delight as he lets his hands wander over all that naked skin. “Tell me, I’m listening.”

“No, no, no,” Yeosang moans, kissing him.“No, it’s fine, I’m being stupid. It’s fine.”

Seonghwa hates himself.He hates himself so much, but he steps back, letting his arms drops away from Yeosang who wobbles noticeably on his feet because Seonghwa isn’t holding him up anymore.And he looks at his boyfriend, his lover, and his heart is so full. 

“You’re not stupid, Yeosang.Please don’t say things like that.What’s going on, huh? Please, just, talk to me?”

“Talking isn’t sexy,” Yeosang pouts and Seonghwa raises an eyebrow and just watches him.Yeosang stares back, the flush of arousal still colouring his cheeks and his breathing slowly evens out a little.

“Sangie, baby,” Seonghwa says drawing a deep breath.“What happened?”

“I was just, today.” Yeosang sighs then.A thick heavy sigh.“I made an appointment with my therapist when we got in last night.”

“I know, baby, you told me.”

“I spoke to her about Jin, about what happened and I cried.I felt so scared when I saw him, Hwa. It shook me so badly I thought my lungs were going to collapse. I thought he was going to hurt me again, like he did before, and I fell so fucking fast, and I was trapped in my own head.All I could remember was how much he hurt me, the things he would say, the way he would fuck me and call me names and if I cried he’d hurt me more. I felt stained, deep, inside.Like no matter what I did, he’d always somehow be a part of me.”

“Oh my god, Sangie,” Seonghwa says, his entire being aching with need for this boy.

“I told her about you a while ago, obviously.She knows we’re together and how I struggled to not be scared of what you make me feel.And my therapist said something, and it stayed with me and I’ve been thinking about it since I left her rooms and the more I thought about it, the more I missed you and wanted you to be here, with me.”

Seonghwa swallows, hard.“What did she say that made such an impression on you?”

“She said that my life isn’t getting better by chance, it’s getting better by change. I think it was maybe a throwaway remark, a platitude, but it hit me, so hard.I sat on the bus, thinking about it.And I realised that you’re that change, for me, Hwa.I thought about everything you’ve done for me, the small things, the things you don’t even think about it, and then I started thinking about how you kiss me, touch me, how you make me feel and then, well, then I sort of just…wanted you so badly.” Yeosang’s blush is back.“And I kept thinking how every time you’re with me, you erase everyone else I’ve ever been with and I like the idea of that so fucking much. I like it because I’ve never felt like this about anyone and it feels true.”

Seonghwa aches. He has no words.So instead he walks into Yeosang’s arms and he holds him close, he bends towards this boy who has seen so much darkness, who is so brave, so beautiful and who he loves so much.

And he kisses him, hungrily, with a possessive need, and Yeosang is eager right back and they’re both shaking when they pull apart. Yeosang leads him to his room which is dim, softly lit, the aircon a soft whir in the background and Lay’s Honey on the bluetooth speaker. Seonghwa lets Yeosang draw him down, down, down and he drowns in him, in his warmth, his sweetness and they make love, the way the romantics talk about.It’s slow, and deep, and the moans are delicate like butterfly wings, and Seonghwa presses his mouth to Yeosang’s skin and he says his name like a prayer when he comes deep inside him, certain that he has seen the face of god herself. They fall asleep, limbs tangled, Yeosang pillowed on Seonghwa’s shoulder, his fingers splayed over Seonghwa’s chest, fingers wide, right over where his heart thrums.

***

It’s days later and they both have an afternoon away from classes.Seonghwa’s in his studio working on an acrylic painting, singing quietly along with the playlist he has playing on his laptop.Yeosang is on the floor, in his nest, lying on his back, reading a book for class and he glances over at Seonghwa every now and again.

“What?” Seonghwa says after about an hour.“What are you thinking over there? I can hear your brain working.”

“Want to go on a date with me?” Yeosang asks and it’s so soft, Seonghwa has to lean around his easel to look at him to make sure he heard him correctly.

“A date?” He repeats, tilting his head a little.

“Yes, a date. I’d like to take you on a date.We can get dressed up and go somewhere nice, dinner, a movie, a walk along the river maybe?”

Seonghwa doesn’t even have to think about it.He brushes his hair out of his face as he nods.“Yeah, that sounds nice.Lets do that.”

Yeosang nods, his smile quietly pleased.

“Okay, great.I’ll let you know what I come up with.”

Seonghwa watches as he hides his face in his book again, squirming a little against the pillows and grins to himself.He works for another hour before he sits back with a sigh and stretches himself out.A glance shows him that Yeosang is asleep, stretched out amongst his pillows, limbs loose and relaxed.

Seonghwa pads over cat soft and crouches down at his side, carefully brushing his fingers along Yeosang’s jaw.His eyes flutter open and the smile he sends Seonghwa is sleepy and sweet.

“Sorry, was I snoring?”

“Nope,” Seonghwa says, gripping his chin between his thumb and forefinger.“I just wanted a kiss. I’m selfish like that.”

“Hmm, kissing is nice,” Yeosang says, tilting his face closer to Seonghwa’s.“Kisses from you is nicer still.”

“Flatterer,” Seonghwa says softly, dipping his head and kissing him softly.Yeosang exhales against his lips and opens his mouth but Seonghwa holds back, doesn’t deepen the kiss the way he knows Yeosang wants.Instead he teases his lips, lightly, biting that succulent bottom lip just a little, making it flush with colour, before sitting back on his heels.“You,” he says softly, smiling down at Yeosang.

“You,” Yeosang answers back, flushed with sleep. 

“We’re not sleeping here again,” he tells Yeosang.“I’m not a cat.”

Yeosang snorts, sitting up and stretching.“What?” he says a little huffily then proceeds to sniffle cutely, wrinkling his nose and pushing his hair out of his face, looking very catlike.

“I should draw you as a chibi character,” Seonghwa muses.“With little cat ears and a tail. It’ll be cute.”

“Hmm,” Yeosang says, careless, clearly not really listening and somehow still trying to wake up, shaking his hands out. “Sure, sweets, whatever you want.”

Seonghwa hides his smile behind his hand.“I’ll put you in a little collar again, maybe a little diamanté’ one? It will look very cute.Chibi Yeosang in a diamante collar.”

“Hwa, why are you talking?” Yeosang says, plaintive.“My ears aren’t working properly yet.My hands either, help me.”

Seonghwa’s grown used to this, how sometimes Yeosang drops down into sleep so fast and deep that he struggles to wake up properly.He’d curl up, hands held close to his chest, fists balled together.There was something inherently childlike about it, but what was amazing for Seonghwa is how he’d had full conversations with Yeosang for at least five minutes after he’d woken up and Yeosang would be just not auditorarily there, to hear him. 

He reaches out and soothes Yeosang’s hands between his, massaging them softly, bringing them back to life.He kisses him too, lightly, and Yeosang is cute and sweet, letting him. After a few moments he leans back.

“With me?”

Yeosang smiles then, nodding.“Yeah, I have my ears on.”

“Come on, lets go get some food and decide what we want to do for the rest of the night,” Seonghwa says, chivvying him along. His phone dings and it’s the group chat.

“Want to go for dinner with the guys? They’ve got a table already.Fried chicken?”

Yeosang’s eyes light up and he nods enthusiastically. “Fried chicken is literally my favourite.”

“I thought I was your favourite?”

“You’re my favourite when you buy me fried chicken!”

“Who’s the chaebol in this relationship?”

Yeosang rolls his eyes and yanks him closer, pressing his lips against his.“If you want to be my sugar baby, Hwa, you just have to say?”

Seonghwa flushes at the slow kiss which always hits different when Yeosang is the one to push him around.It messes with his head a little, being manhandled by Yeosang. 

“No, absolutely not,” he manages eventually, staring down at Yeosang’s face.“I’ll never be kept.”

“Hmm,” Yeosang muses, face pensive.“Are you sure? I can have you at my beck and call, dress you up all pretty, parade you around town, take you home, have you fuck me or I can fuck you? You can paint all day, or sleep, go shop?”

“The only part I like about any of that is taking me home and letting me fuck you,” Seonghwa whispers, suddenly incredibly shaky.“Or, have you fuck me. Would you do that, Yeosang?”

“God, yes. I’d make you feel so good, Hwa.”

They breathe together, eyes too hot on each other, not really touching, just close close close and it’s so intimate it feels searing, this shared moment which Seonghwa always has trouble snapping out of.They’re getting more intense too, these odd inexplicable moments where they’d go from laughing and teasing to something dark and heavy and filled with the push and pull of wanting to devour each other.

“Fuck,” Seonghwa says, stepping away.“We have to…” he says, gesturing vaguely. 

Yeosang blinks too, heavily, like he’s coming back from somewhere far away.His nod is jerky. He fumbles his backpack and eventually gets it back over his shoulder.“Yes,” he says.“The others?”

“Yes,” Seonghwa replies.“Let’s just…you okay?”

“I don’t know,” Yeosang says. “I don’t know what this is.”

“Me either,” Seonghwa answers but he holds out his hand and Yeosang links their fingers. “We don’t have to go if you don’t want to?”

“No, I want to,” Yeosang says, putting a smirk on his face.“You’re buying me fried chicken.”

“Of course, yes,” he grins and watches as Yeosang grins and it’s almost at full wattage.“Fried chicken for my boo.”

When they get to their favourite fried chicken place, the others are already there.They shuffle around in their usual formation, tucking Yeosang against the wall again, Seonghwa at his side.It’s just a thing that they do now, keeping Yeosang safe whenever they meet up.He’s no longer jittery around them, and they’re only marginally less loud than they usually are, San and Mingi especially but they still afford him this special treatment and they check in on him, often, which Seonghwa loves them for.It initially started off awkwardly, with long searching looks, but after the weekend in Jeju things had changed between all of them.It’s like whatever doubts they had about Yeosang, about what he could take before he broke, was wiped away.Now he was just one of them, silly like them, mortified by them, laughing at them and with them.

“How’s Jisung?” Yunho asks over his tray of chicken.“I know he had some exams this week, mocks, I think he called them?”

Yunho had fallen, inexplicably, in brotherly love with Jisung, much to all their amusement.Hongjoong teased him endlessly about being broody and Seonghwa didn’t actually think his friend was wrong.There was a stability to Yunho, a solidness, that he liked and could appreciate. 

“I spoke to him earlier,” Yeosang says, licking his fingers.“He aced the tests, of course. Said he’s keen to come up to Seoul soon to see all of us.”

“Ah, it would be good to see him,” Hongjoong says.“Yunho needs his small boy to dote on.”

Yunho plants a greasy kiss on Hongjoong’s cheek, making him squeak in disgust and wipe at his face.“The fuck, Yunho-ah?”

“I already have a small boy to dote on,” Yunho declares, fake batting his lashes. 

“Don’t call me small,” Hongjoong warns him, holding up his spoon.“I swear I’ll hurt you.”

“Small, dainty, perfect, cute, kitten, little thing, my baby boy,” Yunho chants and Hongjoong visibly goes bright red and Seonghwa has to turn away so as not to laugh at his friend’s distress.Yeosang’s hand is on his thigh and he’s watching them avidly, eyes wide and shining.

“Yah,” San says. “No sex talk at the dinner table.”

“Yes, please,” Wooyoung says, cuddling Jongho close.“It’s embarrassing for all of us.”

“Speak for yourself,” Jongho shoots back, leaning closer towards Yunho and Hongjoong.“Is that what you call one another in bed?”

Hongjoong squeaks and slaps a hand on the table and threatens Jongho with his spoon. “Don’t ask things like that.”

Yunho calmly takes the spoon from Hongjoong’s hand, folding his own much larger hand over his boyfriend’s hand and there’s something about the gesture that is so careful and caring and yet, firm, it makes the whole table go still.

“Don’t threaten your friends, baby,” he says, voice quiet.“It’s not polite.We’ll have to talk about your manners later, hmm?”

“Oh my god,” Yeosang breathes, his eyes wide. He turns to look at Seonghwa.“Hot, so hot.”

“Like I said,” San says, sounding a bit tired.“No sex talk at the dinner table.”

“Fuck you, San,” Hongjoong says without a beat, still staring at Yunho as if he wants to devour him.

“Okay, so back to Jisung,” Yeosang says, grinning.“If he comes to Seoul, he’ll be under guard. It will be difficult to just hang out with him, so we won’t be able to just go out or anything.He’ll be at one of the family homes so we’ll be able to go see him there.”

“That sucks,” Jongho says.“He can’t leave to go, like, anywhere?”

“Not without any bodyguards,” Yeosang says.“It’s not negotiable.My grandfather won’t let him leave his private school otherwise.”

“So, this is what I’ve been wondering about,” San says, leaning over the table towards Yeosang.“If Jisung has bodyguards, why don’t you have any? You’re the heir?”

Yeosang goes so quiet at the question the table collectively holds their breath and Seonghwa curves his body towards him, the gesture unthinking, but after a few long moments Yeosang blinks and exhales.

“I made a deal with my grandfather,” he says, eventually, as if it explained everything.Which it didn’t.“I am enrolled under a fake name at school.”

“The fuck?” Mingi says and Seonghwa blinks in surprise.This was news to him too. 

“I mean, obviously, you all know who I am, because I wouldn’t lie to you guys.You’re, sort of like my friends, so.”

“Sangie,” Seonghwa starts but Yeosang presses his fingers into Seonghwa’s thigh. 

“The dean knows who I am, and a few of my lecturers I am close to, but they had to sign NDA’s and no one else really knows who I am.Except for Wooyoung,” he finishes.“He’s known me longest.”

“And only my name is on the lease,” Wooyoung says.“It’s all to keep Yeosang safe.”

“How do you know one another?” Jongho asks then.

“Last year of high school.Yeosang beat up a boy who called him pretentious and some other choice names.”

Yeosang laughs then.“Oh yeah, what Woo isn’t telling you is that he was the boy.”

“You beat up Woo?” Jongho looks shocked, but also kinda proud.“That’s terrible, Yeosang!”

“It was, I know. I apologised to him. I took him to the nurse’s station and got him patched up and then I bought him ice cream.”

“Sorry, I’m still reeling about Yeosang beating up Woo,” Seonghwa says.“Sangie, I had _no_ idea.”

Yeosang brushes his sleeves up and shows off his muscles. Seonghwa’s mouth goes dry and he blinks stupidly.Of course Yeosang had good muscle definition, and he’s been able to manhandle Seonghwa a little in the past, but this was something else.“I’m tough, Hwa. I’ve told you before, I know how to fight.After the, the thing with the guy, Miss Angie had me learn how to defend myself.So, yeah, some karate, Krav Maga, some taekwondo, you know, a few things.”Yeosang shrugs a little, his expression wry and amused.“Now if I can just overcome not passing out when loud noises happen, that would be great.”

Seonghwa grips his hand under the table but Yeosang smiles at him. _I’m okay_ he says and Seonghwa smiles back _you’re more than okay_ and then San is talking.

“Do you ever want to meet up with me and Yunho? We go to a gym nearby and spar sometimes.”

Seonghwa watches Yeosang.His eyes go comically large.“What, me?”

“Uh, yeah, you. If you don’t practice you’ll lose what you’ve been taught.I know taekwondo, my dad runs a studio in my hometown,” San says.“And Yunho just likes brawling so…”

“Yeah, but with me?” Yeosang asks.“You guys don’t even know me?”

“Well, that’s because Seonghwa is a selfish asshole and has been hogging you for himself.”

Seonghwa just flips Yunho off and Yeosang laughs a little.“Yeah,” he says.“That would be nice, thank you.”

“Cool, we’ll message you.We usually go first thing Saturday mornings.It’s quietest then.”

“Wow, okay, sure,” Yeosang says and he looks so incredibly pleased at the invitation, that Seonghwa wants to lean in and kiss him.

“Just,” Wooyoung says leaning forward conspiratorially.“A word of warning, keep an eye out for his fucking left hook. I almost lost teeth because of it.”

***

It’s been two weeks since Jeju Island and Seonghwa thought that they had come through unscathed.He was wrong.He found out when he was called to the Dean’s office and got handed an official looking letter telling him that his scholarship had been rescinded and that his classes and accommodation would now have to be paid out of his own pocket. 

Shock made him numb. He stared at the letter, then at the woman behind the desk who had the grace to look deeply uncomfortable. 

“There are other ways,” she said, a strained expression on her face. “I can arrange for you to talk to a counsellor and they will walk you through what steps to take to apply for student aid.”

Seonghwa only shook his head.“Why?” His lips barely moved, his hands were cold with shock.“What reason?”

“I’m not entirely sure, to be honest.I think the scholarship administrators discovered a discrepancy in the funds allotted to you.”

“Discrepancy?”

“I’m sorry I can’t be of more help, Mr. Park,” she’d said and had closed the folder on her desk, a clear indication that their brief talk was over.“Please speak to my secretary and she’ll be able to give you the leaflets for student aid and other organisations who offer loans to help students in financial difficulty.”

“Right,” he said and left, walking straight past the secretary and other students waiting to speak to the dean.He kept walking, blindly, his head full of noise, the letter in his hand.He found himself outside his apartment. It was the middle of the day.He had classes, he had projects to turn in, dance practice that night and none of it suddenly mattered. 

Without the scholarship, he would not be able to afford classes and it would be his final year too. He would not be able to graduate.As it stood, he supplemented his income with commissions and his mother sent him a small allowance each month, which he banked and hardly ever dipped into.On the rare occasions that he did, it was usually to buy art supplies and last year in the middle of winter, he ended up buying himself a new coat because his old coat had literally fallen apart from old age.

He’d have to sit with an advisor to look through it all but right then, he needed time to just think and not think, at the same time.The shock of it had knocked the air out of him and he needed to regroup. 

He pushed into the apartment, dropped his bag on the couch and walked into his bedroom, falling face down and screamed, long and loud.The sound was muffled by his comforter and pillows, but it was still loud and he honestly didn’t care a single iota.

He lay there for a minute, an hour, a day, a week, a year, and let the sound of his phone chiming become white background noise.He tracked the passage of time by the way the light changed in his room.A heavy weight pressed down and down on him, further into the mattress, blurring his edges until he became nothing, a weightless thing, insignificant.

It was full dark when the knocking came, loud and insistent.He had no idea how long he’d been out, caught in his own head, seeing no future for himself, for his art, for anything he ever wanted to accomplish.He felt utterly flattened by the letter he kept reaching for.Each time the words ‘ _we regret to inform you that_ ’ didn’t change, it felt like another blow, another shovel of dirt being shovelled onto him where he lay prone on the bed.

The knocking eventually stopped and he lay back in the darkness of his bedroom and let exhaustion overtake him.He felt raw and blunted at the same time.Muted, as if all the colour had been drained from him and now all he was and all he felt was heavy with shadow. Some time during the night he woke up to the sound of voices but he didn’t care enough to get up.There was movement in his room and he kept his eyes closed, even when a tentative hand brushed at his bangs, even when he inhaled the scent of Yeosang, even when he felt him settle down next to him.Yeosang didn’t speak, he just lay down and Seonghwa curled on his side, face pressed right up against Yeosang’s side and he let tears fall then, silent and dark and ugly with an a grief and loss so all encompassing he had difficulty breathing. 

Seonghwa drifted in that in-between space of shadow and heaviness all night, and most of the next day too.A part of him knew that he ought to get up, he ought to do something, anything, but he couldn’t bring himself to care, not right then.He cried a lot, embarrassingly so, and he didn’t even care if anyone saw.He couldn’t really focus much on anything and he knew Yeosang was fretting and it was so rare that Seonghwa was like this, so far gone and shut in, but he just couldn’t sit up, talk or do anything.

As the light changed in his room for the second day, Seonghwa stirred and blinked.Yeosang was sitting on the floor, his torso was draped over the bed and he had his head pillowed on his arms.He seemed to be sleeping.Seonghwa lightly touched the tangled mess of his hair and Yeosang woke up slowly.

“Hwa?” His voice was thick and he cleared his throat.“Hwa, baby, how’re you feeling?”

Seonghwa grimaced in answer, not trusting his voice at all.Yeosang pushed himself away from the bed and sat up. 

“Are you hungry?”

Seonghwa just shook his head.

“Thirsty?” At his hum, Yeosang reached over and held a glass out to him.“Here, use the straw.Drink a little and then I’m going to get you up and into a shower, okay?”

Seonghwa concentrated on drinking.It seems to take all his strength.Yeosang put the glass back on the side table before heading out to the bathroom. 

“Okay, I’m going to get in the shower with you, Hwa.Come on, get up.”

He shivvies him upright and moves him to the bathroom where he strips him, Seonghwa letting him, watching Yeosang closely but Yeosang is all business but he’s gentle, so gentle and his hands on Seonghwa are calm, thoughtful.Then he strips himself and helps them both into the shower cubicle which, had Yeosang been slightly bigger, they would not have fit in.

Yeosang soaps Seonghwa’s hair, then his own, then washes them both.By the time they’ve both been rinsed and Yeosang had dried them, Seonghwa was feeling like he could do this.Yeosang’s wrapped in a large fluffy towel and his hair is messy and Seonghwa catches his hand in his and presses a kiss to the palm.

“I’m sorry,” he mutters and Yeosang’s eyes go wide. 

“No,” he breathes.“Oh, no, sweets, don’t apologise.It’s okay.Come on.Let’s get you dressed and then you can sit in the lounge and I can make us something to eat.”

Seonghwa nods, feeling coddled and warm, and soft and needy as he follows him to his room.They dress in Seonghwa’s clothes, Yeosang having to roll the sleeves of one of Seonghwa’s t-shirts up because they hung so far down his arms.It makes Seonghwa smile a little and it makes him ache and he feels so sad, knowing he’s worried his boyfriend, and he hates himself for it. 

“I’m sorry, Sangie,” he says again, feeling hopeless, with tears threatening but Yeosang just shakes his head and presses a kiss to his forehead, slow and sweet, before drawing back. Then, carefully, as if he’s worried Seonghwa would break he takes his hand in his and leads him to the lounge where he makes Seonghwa sit down, with a cup of tea, which Seonghwa actually drinks and thinks its maybe not the worst thing he’s ever tasted. 

Yeosang putters around the kitchen and makes them food.It’s a colourful big mixed salad, cold meats, olives and bread for dipping. He’s also poured them each a glass of sparkling apple juice. It’s light and it looks attractive.He puts it all out on the low coffee table and sinks down on a cushion and smiles at Seonghwa.

“I thought we could pretend we’re in Italy, maybe? So here’s some cold meats from our local charcuterie, cheeses, this salad I put together with my own fair hands, and the olives are from the local deli around the corner.” Yeosang bats his lashes.“The olive oil and balsamic is from a local press in the countryside, which we’ve visited last year, and I know you loved the balsamic especially.It’s why we’ve come back.”

“It looks nice, Sangie, thank you.” Seonghwa is enchanted by Yeosang as he carefully puts a plate together for him, whilst his words paint the scene for them.It’s a bit silly, and just incredibly sweet.

“I think when we’re adult enough, we’ll move to Italy,” Yeosang tells him.“Tuscany maybe? Do you remember Tuscany? The greens and the blues.You loved painting the colours.”

Seonghwa feels his throat thicken at Yeosang’s words.If only the memories were real, he thinks to himself, but he loves that Yeosang is working to pull him into the fantasy he’s creating for them.

“I remember,” he says softly, sipping the apple juice.“I remember painting you on our balcony as the sun was setting.The sun turned you more gold than you already are.”

“Hmm, and you looked so serious because you were worried the light would go before you could capture it,” Yeosang says and it feels so true that Seonghwa can almost see it for real.They eat in silence for a bit, Yeosang being very careful not to stare at him too hard, and Seonghwa being careful not to tremble and cry.After a while he thinks he can trust his voice and he looks at his boyfriend who’s popping an olive into his mouth and chewing it with relish.

“God, I am sorry, Sangie.I am so sorry I worried you and broke like this.It’s not like me, at all.”

“Don’t talk about it right now,” Yeosang tells him, squeezing his hand.“Just eat and pretend we’re in our apartment in Tuscany and enjoy the food and my amazing company.”

Seonghwa pops an olive into his mouth and bites down, the taste flooding his mouth.And suddenly he’s so hungry he can’t think straight.They clean the plates, dipping chunks of bread in olive oil and balsamic, making soft conversation, murmuring to one another, the stories and fake memories somehow becoming real and tangible.

When Yeosang clears their plates away and tidies the kitchen, Seonghwa watches him move around, a soft feeling blooming in his chest, gradually replacing the dark heaviness that he thought would never let up again.

“Anything else to drink, Hwa?” Yeosang asks him and when he shakes his head, he moves back around the kitchen counter to sit on the couch opposite Seonghwa.“Hwa, baby.Do you want to talk about it?”

Straight forward and honest, as always, but not crass or abrupt, just a gentle question. There was no way to sugarcoat it, so Seonghwa played open cards.

“My scholarship has been cancelled. I am paid up till the end of the academic year. I’m also losing my accommodation because of the scholarship being cancelled.If I don’t get a loan for next year, I won’t be graduating.”

“The fuck?” Yeosang breathes.“What?”

“The letter,” Seonghwa says, pointing in the general direction of his room.“The letter is in my room.”

Yeosang is back, holding the letter in his hands within moments.His lips are pressed into that fine line that makes him look older and very pissed off.

“Hwa, they can’t do this, surely?” He re-reads the letter.“Did you question it?”

“No? What is there to question? The letter sets it out - it looks like I’m not the only one either. I remember there being other students waiting to see the dean when I left.”

“No, this can’t be right, Seonghwa. I’m so sorry this has happened, really.I’m just…” he sits forward and wraps both arms around him and holds him close.“We’ll fix this, okay? We’ll figure out what’s happened and we’ll fix it.”

“It’s fine, Sangie.I’ll start working on it tomorrow. I need to speak to the student advisor and see where I can get loans from. I’ll have to probably speak to Yunho and the guys and look at dropping dance so that I can find a part-time job.”

“No,” Yeosang says, his voice quivering.“No, you’re not changing any fucking thing, Park Seonghwa.”

“Baby, come on.I have to be realistic, okay? I need money and I need a job.The only way I can earn money is by letting something else go, like dance.It frees up several nights.If I can hustle and get more commissions, it will be great, but I need something stable that can fund my rent.”

“It’s him,” Yeosang says then.“Isn’t it? It’s my grandfather behind this.”

“We can’t know that, Sangie.”

“No, you don’t understand him, Hwa.This is what he does.This is how he goes to work. It’s insidious and you don’t think anything of it, because it’s so, so quiet and unobtrusive.Before you do anything tomorrow, let me look into it, please?”

Seonghwa frowns at him but nods.“Sure, okay.It’s not like another day’s going to make any difference.”

“Do you have any other paperwork about your scholarship and your college papers?”

“Of course, I have everything filed.”

Yeosang looks surprised at that and Seonghwa laughs at him.“What why do you look so shocked?”

“I just, didn’t expect that.I’ve seen your studio, remember?”

“Hey, it’s my studio. I’m allowed to be messy…oh fuck, my studio.I’ll have to let it go. I won’t be able to afford it after this month,” he says and that’s the kicker, that’s what hurts more than anything else.“Holy shit, my studio.”

“No, don’t think about it,” Yeosang orders, both his hands gripping Seonghwa’s wrists.“Just, don’t freak out and let me look into it for you, okay?”

“Sangie, promise me you won’t do anything stupid like pay for my college or something, okay?” Seonghwa is gratified to see the blush creep over Yeosang’s cheeks and smiles.Leans in and kisses him.“I’m wise to your vibes,” he says.“You’re projecting so hard.”

“But it’s my money, I can do what I want with it,” he says, a little soft, a little grumpily.“You ass.”

“My ass is perfect, thank you very much,” Seonghwa teases him and is rewarded with wide eyes and a little smile. 

“You’re feeling better then?”

“So much.I’m sorry I just went ostrich on you,” Seonghwa says, gesturing.“That’s what my mum calls it.It doesn’t happen often, almost never, but sometimes I just have to…just go away. I just let everything go away around me and after a while I come back and I can go on again.”

“That’s what most people call depression,” Yeosang says, a frown drawing his dark brows together. “I’m so sorry this has happened to you, that you went through this.You don’t deserve any of this. We’re going to figure out, I promise.”

“Okay, sure,” Seonghwa says and smiles but he knows there’s nothing to figure out, not really. He knows what he has to do. He has to man up and consider his future which, to be honest, he’d been too blasé about.It really was his fault for not making provision and planning ahead.His mother would be annoyed with him, sure, but then she’d be pragmatic, and tell him to get a job and maybe take some night classes and see where it got him.

“Hwa, can I ask something? And I want you to answer honestly, okay?”

“Sure, ask away,” Seonghwa says, his heart thundering against his ribs. 

“What did my grandfather want to talk to you about before we left the island?”

“I told you, Sangie.He wanted to know about a painting he wanted Secretary Min to buy,” Seonghwa lies, but it sticks in his throat and he can’t bring himself to look Yeosang in the eye.

“This is the second time you’ve lied to me, Park Seonghwa,” Yeosang says.“You lied to me that morning too, saying the same bs. Do you think I’m stupid?”

Seonghwa brings his head up sharply and frowns at him.“What, no? What the hell, Yeosang, why would you ask that?”

“Because you are lying to me.What did he want? I saw your face when you came back into the room.You were pale and it looked like you wanted to be sick.”

“Sangie…”

“No, Hwa, please.Please be honest with me about this.The more I know about what said to you, the better prepared I can be for whatever he’s planning.”

“I am genuinely not…” Seonghwa sat forward.“Sangie, you grandfather is not a nice man, but he is your family. I don’t want what he said to me, a complete stranger, taint your view of him even more than it already is.”

“Honestly, Hwa? Honestly!” Yeosang flung himself upright.“I can’t fucking believe this. _What did he say to you_?”

Seonghwa meets those flashing eyes and shifts uncomfortably, before standing up too.Yeosang watches him carefully, wary as if he were some wild animal. 

“He offered me money to walk away,” Seonghwa eventually admits.“I told him to shove it. He knows we’re lovers, that you’re gay.He says he’s known for years and that it doesn’t matter.As long as you marry and produce a heir, he doesn’t care what you did otherwise. He implied,” Seonghwa grimaced at this.“He implied that you could hide me like the dirty secret I am and see me on weekends, that I’d be your kept man.”

The silence is heavy as Yeosang parses the words.Then he blinks. “Oh,” Yeosang says.“Oh, well.At least I don’t have to come out to them anymore.”

Seonghwa glances at him and watches him cycle through a range of emotions that his eyes could not hide.It was a lot, he just dumped a lot on Yeosang but he stood there, taking it in, his gaze resting on Seonghwa’s face.

“Did he threaten you?” Yeosang reaches for Seonghwa then, his grip tight.“Did he threaten you, Hwa?”

Seonghwa frowns then nods, briefly.“He said I’d regret it. He didn’t say what I’d regret, but I just assumed he was being an asshole, blowing smoke.”

“No, no, no.He doesn’t blow smoke.He meant it. _Fuck_ , Seonghwa.He’s coming after you and he’s not going to stop until you’re broken and it’s all my fault.I was so fucking stupid, why did I take you with me?”

“Really?” Seonghwa steps in front of him and stops his hands from fluttering by putting both arms around him and trapping Yeosang’s arms against his sides.“Yeosang, you need to calm down.We don’t know if any of this has to do with your grandfather. I’ve just told you a whole bunch of stuff he said to me and you’re blaming yourself? Are you seeing what you’re doing to yourself right now?”

“I,” Yeosang says, tilting his head back a little to stare up at Seonghwa.“I know him, Hwa. I’ve known him for 22 years.He is a terrible man.”

Seonghwa shrugs.“Let him be a terrible man, I don’t care. If he gets his rocks off thinking he can try and destroy my life, I should be a little flattered, don’t you think? I’m basically nobody and yet I clearly scare him. If you’re right, and he’s behind the scholarship money disappearing…”

“It’s him, I swear on everything I hold holy,” Yeosang says. 

“Your scissors and your sewing machines,” Seonghwa says, smiling down at him.

“Do not try and kid me out of my mood.I am really fucking angry,” Yeosang says.

“It’s kinda hot, to be honest.So fierce, so pretty,” Seonghwa teases and he watches how the blush spreads over his cheeks.“If I let go of your arms now, are you going to punch me in the face?”

Yeosang wriggles a little in his grip and huffs petulantly, before dropping his forehead against Seonghwa’s chest.

“You lied to me, Hwa.Did you think I wouldn’t be able to cope with what he said to you?”

“No, I just didn’t want to make things worse for you. It’s on me, everything he said.I could have been nicer to him, defused the situation, but he was such a rampant dick.God, I probably made it worse, by acting the way I did.”

“How much did he offer you to walk away?”

“I can’t remember,” Seonghwa says and thought about it.“I think he said two hundred million?”

“US dollars or won?”

“Won,” Seonghwa replies and Yeosang scoffs.

“Fucking cheapskate.You’re worth far more in dollars or even British pounds.”

Seonghwa starts laughing then, quiet chuckles and moves his arms so that he can hug Yeosang properly.

“Are you laughing at me now?” Yeosang demands from his chest.“Why are you laughing?”

“No reason, really.I just like that you think I’m worth more than two hundred million won,” Seonghwa tells him.

“So much more.Like, a billion times more. Honestly, what can you even do with two hundred million won?” Yeosang is still grumbly and has his mouth open to rant more but Seonghwa ducks his head and catches him in an open mouthed kiss, silencing him.

“Distracting me from being angry,” Yeosang says, petulant, as Seonghwa pulls back.“By kissing me is not the way to win arguments, Hwa.”

“I was never arguing with you, pretty thing.I was kissing you.” Seonghwa pulls Yeosang with him so that he can straddle Seonghwa when he sits back down on the couch.“I love kissing you. Each time I kiss you, it’s like I’m learning how to kiss you all over again.The way you react to me, the way you go all dreamy and soft in my arms.It makes me feel very powerful.”

“Yeah?” Yeosang says, staring down at him, brushing his hair out of his eyes.“I was so scared earlier, Hwa.You were gone for so long.No one knew what happened.Hongjoong only left for school today because I told him I’d stay here to look after you. He’s never seen you like this and he was freaking out.”

“No,” Seonghwa says, shame boiling through him.“He’s never been around me when this happened. I’m sorry I scared you both.”

“If there’s a next time, call me, okay? I don’t want you to be alone.”

Seonghwa is in the process of nodding when Yeosang stops him.“Swear it,” he says, holding out his hand.“Pinky swear.”

So Seonghwa pinky swears and kisses Yeosang to seal the deal.Seonghwa checks his phone and sees hundreds of notifications and blanches. 

“You can read them later, don’t worry.Everyone was freaking out.I messaged them when I was making food for us, they know you’re awake and okay.”

“Thank you, Sangie, for looking after me,” Seonghwa whispers, kissing his hands.“I’m just sorry I freaked you out…”

“I know, baby.I know.” Yeosang keeps running his fingers through Seonghwa’s hair, lightly kissing his forehead, cheeks and nose.“It gets us all and we all cope differently. I’m just glad you’re feeling better and that you’re okay.“

“You are an amazing nurse,” he says and his eyes light up for a moment and Yeosang shakes his head. 

“No, I’m dressing in a nurse’s uniform for you, forget about it.”

Seonghwa pouts a little at that and determinedly turns his head away, refusing to be kissed anymore.

“So mean to me,” he complains a little.“How on Earth will I recover?”

“By being a good boy,” Yeosang says, pressing close, his voice sending shivers down Seonghwa’s spine.“And good boys get rewards.”

“Yeah?” He blinks up at him, interested.“What kind of rewards?”

“Sweet kisses,” Yeosang lifts a hand to start listing, dropping a finger at each item.“A hot date, sexy presents, lazy blow jobs, lazier sex.”

“Ohmygod,” Seonghwa’s mouth is dry.“Yes, please and thank you.”

“Are you a good boy, Hwa baby?”

“I am the best good boy,” Seonghwa promises him. 

Yeosang chuckles and leans in to kiss him. Being kissed by Yeosang always makes Seonghwa weak.It’s one thing instigating the kiss, which he usually does, but when Yeosang does it, it always starts out a tiny bit shy, a tiny bit teasing and timid and then, it’s as if he decides that it’s okay, that he’s allowed to do this, that they both want this.And then he becomes a bit more ardent, a little more growly, a little more insistent, a hand finding its way into Seonghwa’s hair, the other invariably cupping seonghwa’s jaw, thumb stroking down his neck, and he’s all unstoppable liquid fire.And Seonghwa loves it, loves the shape of him under his hands, the way he makes tiny noises of satisfaction when Seonghwa kisses him back, letting him bite his lip, stroking his tongue against his.Yeosang is shaking when they pull apart and his eyes are glazed and dark, his eyes resting heavily on Seonghwa’s mouth.

Seonghwa is so turned on, there’s no way to hide it.Yeosang sits back in his lap, one hand splayed across his chest, fingers gripping the fabric of Seonghwa’s t-shirt, his breathing heavy. 

“Is this okay?”he asks Seonghwa.“I don’t want to keep going if you’d rather I didn’t?When you’ve come through something like this…you know? I just, want to be with you and make you feel better, so whatever you want, Hwa.”

In answer Seonghwa stands with him, lifting him so that he can wrap both his legs around his waist and he outright moans in Seonghwa’s ear.

“Fuck, the way you just move me around kills me dead,” he mutters, busily kissing his jaw and neck.

“I like that you let me do it,” Seonghwa says, easy, soft.“I know you’re strong and that you trust me to do this, and I love you for it.”

“I fucking love you too,” Yeosang says and then Seonghwa is laying him down on the bed and it smells of them both and Seonghwa growls, softly, caging Yeosang between his arms and legs.Yeosang is rolling his hips upwards, the movement giving them both just enough friction to feel good. 

Seonghwa has no idea what time it is, his hours are all mixed up anyway, but the light in the room bathes Yeosang in gold and he wants to paint him like this, he wants to paint him in honeys, ivories and golds.

“Are you real?” He whispers, stripping Yeosang of his shirt then his own, tossing it somewhere.Yeosang arches up against him, pliant, his neck invitingly bared and Seonghwa presses his mouth to the long lines explored to him and he bites and sucks his way down, lower, until he’s pulling his tracksuit bottoms off Yeosang’s hips, down his legs and off entirely.

“You’re so beautiful,” he whispers.“I look at you and it feels like I’ve got a hundred thousand stars spread out before me and they’re all mine to do with as I wish.”

Yeosang’s eyes are so dark and wide and he’s trembling against Seonghwa.“You can’t,” he says, voice hoarse.“You can’t say things like that and expect me to function, Hwa.”

“Hmm, let me take care of you, pretty thing.Let me make you feel good.Tell me you want this,” he whispers, kissing his way up Yeosang’s thigh, nuzzling his hard cock, giving it kittenish licks. 

“I want this,” Yeosang says, easy, soft, sweet.“I want your mouth on me. I want you in me.”

“Oh baby, are you sure?”

“Yes, please god, Hwa.Please fuck me.”

And so Seonghwa does.He takes his time worshipping Yeosang, living for his soft moans, his ragged breaths, the way he stutters out Seonghwa’s name when he pushes in after prepping him until he lay loose limbed, close to losing his mind. Seonghwa pushes in slow and steady watching Yeosang for any sign of discomfort. 

But Yeosang looks gone, his pretty lips kiss swollen, his skin blooming with Seonghwa’s bites and soft bruises.

“What do you want, pretty thing? How do you want it?”

“Hard,” Yeosang says, his voice distant, but his gaze snaps to Seonghwa’s.“Fuck me hard, Hwa. Make it hurt a little, tell me I’m a good boy, tell me I’m yours.”

It’s not the first time Yeosang’s asked for this and Seonghwa understands it.He starts slow but not soft.He relishes the feel of Yeosang around him, the way Yeosang’s body happily accepts him, the way he’s hot and tight around him.Yeosang moans at a particularly long drag across his prostrate and he shudders in Seonghwa’s arms. 

“Yes, there, Hwa, baby, please just, again, oh my god,” he moans, his heels dragging Seonghwa deeper, making Seonghwa’s breath stutter. 

“You are so good, pretty thing. I can’t get enough of you, the way you look like this, for me.The way you moan so sweetly,” Seonghwa snaps his hips forward and Yeosang arches into it, drawing him deeper. “The way you let me fuck you, asking so prettily for my cock.”

“Yes,” Yeosang says, nodding, his eyes huge and blown wide with lust.“Yes, fuck me, Hwa. Make me yours.”

Seonghwa flips them, pushes himself up against the headboard and helps Yeosang settle in his lap. 

“Ride me, pretty thing,” he says, soft and low, his hands resting possessively on his waist.“Fuck yourself on my cock, come on, baby.You know you want to.”

And Yeosang shudders at the words, completely gone.Seonghwa watches as he starts to move himself around his cock, slow little circular movements of his hips that start increasing in tempo then he couples it with lazy drags that grow less lazy and is all about intent. Seonghwa helps him lift himself to bounce on his cock, clenching his thighs so that he can stay stable as Yeosang fucks himself, every movement intimate and intense as he doesn’t look away from Seonghwa for one moment. 

Seonghwa can tell he’s getting close by the way his breathing shudders and he wraps a hand around Yeosang’s pretty cock. It’s slick with precum and lube from Seonghwa prepping him earlier and it helps with the glide. 

He gets his arm around Yeosang’s waist, guiding him, pulling him closer into an open mouthed kiss that is all hot breath and hot fevered eyes and soft moans.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Yeosang moans, both hands now curled around Seonghwa’s shoulders as he shakes.“Hwa, oh god,” he gasps.“Close, so close.”

Seonghwa kisses him, bites his lower lip hard and Yeosang’s eyes flare with something dark. “Mine,” Seonghwa says.“Kang Yeosang, you’re mine.”

“Yes, yes,” Yeosang nods, his eyes fluttering closed but Seonghwa growls.

“Eyes on me, pretty thing.Tell me, who do you belong to?” Seonghwa tightens his grip around Yeosang’s cock, giving it a practiced twist and a flick over the slit the same time he pushes deeper into him. 

“You, fuck, Hwa, I belong to you,” Yeosang whispers, his voice wrecked, his eyes raking over Seonghwa’s, his thumb pressing against Seonghwa’s lower lip.“Only you, baby, oh god, I’m so close.”

“I know, pretty thing. I can feel it,” he bites down on his thumb before leaning into him, kissing him.“Come for me? Show me what a good boy you are.”

Yeosang nods jerkily as he works himself up and down Seonghwa’s cock a few more times before he comes apart with a wail that makes Seonghwa growl and bite down on his shoulder, making him gaspsob in shock.Seonghwa pulls him close and chases his own orgasm, lifting Yeosang a little so he can fully fuck himself into him for maximum friction.He comes long and hard, gasping Yeosang’s name into his skin, his lips pressed against his neck, drinking in his scent, his heat.

“That,” Yeosang says punch drunk and hoarse. “That was something.”

Seonghwa hums against him and slowly sits back against the headboard again. He glances down between them and quirks an eyebrow.“You’re always so messy, pretty thing,” he says, running a fingertip through the cum on his stomach before popping it into his mouth.“Hmm, nice.”

“Hwa, stop, that’s too much,” Yeosang says with a little gasp, trying to grab his wrist but Seonghwa deflects it easily.

“Mine,” he says, popping another finger into his mouth, watching as Yeosang’s eyes widen.“Right?”

Colour climbs high across Yeosang’s cheeks and he tilts forward a little, pressing his mouth against Seonghwa’s tasting himself on his lips.

“Yours, all yours.”

Seonghwa kisses him thoroughly, slowly, making them both dizzy and shaky, and by the time he’s done, Yeosang’s half hard again and Seonghwa’s equally interested in another round but then Yeosang slides out of his lap, a soft moan escaping his lips as Seonghwa pulls out of him. Seonghwa reaches for the condom and ties it off and tosses it in the bin beside the bedside cabinet.

“Lets get cleaned up,” Yeosang says.“Then sleep.”

“Yeah, okay,” Seonghwa agrees, letting himself be pulled up and pushed towards the bathroom once more.They have another shower before collapsing in bed.Yeosang sends another group message, telling everyone that everything’s fine, Seonghwa is still a sex god, and that they’re going to sleep now and tyvm for all the messages of love and support.

He’s snickering to himself when he lets Seonghwa pull him down against him and he props himself up on his fist that’s balled on Seonghwa’s chest.

“Have you heard the theory that we’re all just the sum of our memories and experiences?”

Seonghwa hums, brushing his fingers through Yeosang’s hair, pushing it behind his ear.“Hmm, I’ve heard about it. I like the idea that we never stay the same, that we are always in flux, that tomorrow we’ll be different to what we are today, that we keep changing but that at the core, we’re still recognisably _us_.”

“You get it,” Yeosang says softly, pleased.

“I also think that right now, us, being here, feeling like this, matters. So it’s not just memories and experiences, but sensations and feelings that make us who we are.”

Yeosang lies his cheek against the back of his hand so he can stare at Seonghwa in the dim light of the room.

“I like this, where we are now, this sensation. I like who I am with you.”

“I do too, I like this version of me with you,” Seonghwa says, rubbing a thumb over his cheekbones.

“I love you, Park Seonghwa,” Yeosang whispers, leaning up to kiss him softly.

“Ugh, always with the love confessions,” Seonghwa whispers back, a soft smile on his face as he kisses him back.“But that’s okay because I love you too or like, whatever.”

Yeosang giggles against him and they lie like that, chatting about nothing and everything until they hear Hongjoong come home just before midnight.He knocks lightly on the door and pushes it open a crack.

“Checking in,” he says, eyes on Seonghwa.“You okay?”

Seonghwa nods, careful not to disturb Yeosang who had just fallen asleep.He makes grabby hands at Hongjoong and his friend slips into the room on silent feet.

“Sorry I scared you,” he whispers. 

“I didn’t know what to do,” Hongjoong whispers back, grabbing his hand hard and squeezing.“I was fucking losing my mind. I thought you had taken pills or something.”

“I’m sorry,” he says again, tugging him down so he can look Hongjoong in the eye.“I fucked up. I should have messaged you guys. I’m sorry.It won’t happen again.”

“Hwa, Jesus, you’re allowed to be human, you know? I’m just glad you’re okay.You frightened the shit out of me. You were just lying there and it was so scary.Yeosang was amazing. He got here in no time and took charge.”Hongjoong’s gaze comes to rest on Yeosang where he was curled at Seonghwa’s side.“He didn’t move from your side for a minute.”

“Oh god, that’s so…” His hand tightened around Yeosang’s waist fractionally. He looks at Hongjoong again.“I’m really fucking sorry, Joongie.I’ll tell you everything tomorrow.Please tell the guys I’m sorry too.”

“They know, sex god.Your boy already messaged us.”

“He what?” Seonghwa asks.“Sex god, what?”

Hongjoong laughs softly and brings their joined hands together so he can bite Seonghwa’s knuckles. 

“Get some actual sleep.No sex, please.I’m too fragile to listen to you making him moan.”

“Hmm,” Seonghwa says.“He moans so prettily, Joongie.”

“Fuck you, Hwa,” Hongjoong says, standing up.“I will bring Yunho around for athletic sex.You will regret it.”

“Oh god, please no. It was bad enough the first time.Why would you do it on the kitchen counter though? I bleached that counter a million times since and still have ‘Nam flashbacks of Yunho’s…”

“Good times,” Hongjoong interrupts with a grin.But then he leans down and flicks Seonghwa’s forehead.“Now sleep.We’ll talk tomorrow.”

He crosses the room as quietly as he’d come in, closing the door softly.Seonghwa smiles into the dark and felt Yeosang stir next to him.

“We should totally have acrobatic sex he can walk in on,” Yeosang tells him, voice thick and sleepy, making Seonghwa laugh. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am now over at the twitters on a newly created twitter account - @LizzieSunbae - so pop by and lets be moots. And cry over our sweet boys. BTW, the artwork is mine so don't shout at me!


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “No, not allowed.” Yeosang gets in close, a little aggressive, standing between his legs. His eyes flash with a wild light. ”You are not allowed to mess around like this, are we clear?”
> 
> “I’m sorry?” Seonghwa murmurs right back, pulling him closer. “Do you wanna go, pretty thing? Pretty sure I can take you.” 
> 
> “You’d lose,” Yeosang tells him, his voice still aggressive but he is staring at Seonghwa’s mouth. “I’d make you beg.”
> 
> “Yeah?” Seonghwa breathes, jutting his chin a little. “What would you do?”
> 
> ***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a little late updating this one, mateys. Sorry for that. Had lots of daft brain weasels to deal with this week and it just took me longer than usual to write the next chapter. Still, it's 10k of stuff and I hope you enjoy!
> 
> ***

Yeosang disappears for three days.Well, he doesn’t really disappear.He messages Seonghwa to tell him that he has to spend time with Miss Angiebecause they’ve got some large board meetings taking place and he needs to be there. He sends Seonghwa selfies of him and Miss Angie looking the business, both dressed formally in business attire and it makes Seonghwa grin.

“Very handsome and if I wasn’t into boys exclusively I think I’d run away with Miss Angie,” he tells Yeosang when he calls him during a break, late afternoon, just as Seonghwa gets home from class.

“I think she’d let you run away with her even if nothing happens.She’s not stopped talking about you, Hwa.”

Seonghwa kicks his shoes off and laughs at the petulant whine in Yeosang’s voice.

“I’m charming, what can I say? Don’t hate the player,” he teases.

“Ugh, shut up.What are you doing?”

“I just got home and I’m going to make some dinner and then do some coursework. My mum is supposed to call me later on, if she remembers.She’s in New York right now setting up a new installation for one of her patrons.”

“I remember you saying,” Yeosang says, sounding distracted.“Hwa, about the scholarship thing…”

Seonghwa stills in the motion of pulling the fridge open.“Oh, I forgot to message you earlier, Sangie.I had someone come up to me today at lunch.Two people, actually.I recognised them from the dean’s office.Their scholarships had also been revoked, no previous notice given, at all.They are in deep shit, far _far_ worse off than me.There’s a few of us, apparently, that this happened to.”

“I know, I heard today. I asked one of Miss Angie’s people to look into it for us after you told me about this. There’s stuff going on with the body who funded the scholarship and it’s weird. Definitely sus.”

“Yeah, the more I think about it, the more I think you're right about things being suspect. But, it is what it is. I have in the meantime emailed a few galleries with my resume and with links to my website. I also,” Seonghwa breathed heavily here.“I also emailed the Museum of Contemporary Art. They’ve got paid internships so maybe, who knows.”

“Fuck, Hwa, that is big.” Yeosang gives a little groan.“I want to be with you so much, just to hug you. You’re so strong about this.”

“Pfft, not really. I’m lucky that I have a tiny bit of time before this all comes crashing down around my ears, but at least I’m doing something about it. I’ve got an appointment with the student advisor about a loan tomorrow too, so let’s see what they’ve got to say.”

“Don’t sign anything, okay? Not before we’ve talked it over,” Yeosang insists.

“So demanding,” Seonghwa teases, pouring himself some orange juice.“But no, I won’t sign anything until I’ve read everything and heard back from the places I’ve emailed.”

“Okay, good. I gotta go.Speak to you later.Remember me as I sweat in my suit in a room full of old balding men.”

“RIP my lover, Yeosang,” Seonghwa intones sadly. “He was so pretty, but he died of boredom in a meeting.”

“Yah, don’t be an ass,” Yeosang laughs.“I love you or whatever.”

“Yeah, whatever to you too.”

He’s smiling when he hangs up, hearing Miss Angie’s voice in the background going _did I just hear you tell him you loved him_ just as the phone disconnects.He wishes Yeosang luck with explaining that to Miss Angie.

Hongjoong stumbles home in a state a few hours later.He’s pale and exhausted and Seonghwa makes him go have a shower and makes dinner for them both.Hongjoong’s been hitting the books hard and he looks a wreck.

They sit down in the dimly lit apartment, the only lights coming from the fairy lights.The aircon unit has decided to entirely give up the ghost and the heat of the day hangs heavy in the air.Seonghwa found some fake small candles from a visit to Ikea and he dots those on the table so they can see what they’re eating.It’s nothing special, quick veg stirfry with grilled chicken skewers on the side and because it’s Hongjoong, there’s also rice and kimchi. 

They eat in almost silence, but it’s fine.It’s only when they’ve tidied the kitchen and sprawled on their couches that Hongjoong looks at him.

“What are we going to do about this summer?”

“You guys will have to go ahead without me, I’ll probably be working.” Seonghwa grimaces. 

“Bro, it won’t be the same. It's all of us or none of us."

Seonghwa grins at him.“You’ve been hanging out with Wooyoung too much, you’re doing his ‘bro’ thing.”

“Jongho’s picked it up too,” he says, laughing.

“You all share one braincell,” Seonghwa grins at him, deflecting the tossed pillow.

“At least I’m not moping around like my favourite anime character died,” Hongjoong counters and he throws the pillow back at him.

“It’s the longest we’ve gone not seeing one another in weeks,” Seonghwa mutters.“Let me be miserable in peace, okay?”

“You and Coco,” Hongjoong says with a light frown, staring at Seonghwa.“Are you ever worried about being together?”

“In what way?”

“Like, your future or whatever.Because of who he is.”

“I try not to think about it,” Seonghwa admits.“His grandfather made it quite clear what he expects of him.So, you know, there’s that.”

“Does it freak you out? That he knows about you guys?”

Of course he’d told Hongjoong about the chairman’s threats after he’d admitted the truth to Yeosang.Hongjoong had been equally dismissive of the 200 million won price, citing that he could Seonghwa to dance for that much at one of his brother’s clubs if things became desperate.It had made Seonghwa laugh and hug him and thank him sincerely but he declined the kind offer.

“What freaks me out is that he has control over Yeosang, or he think he does.Yeosang is scared of his grandfather and the man knows it.”

“We were there for his speech whilst you guys were getting hot and heavy in one of the other rooms,” Hongjoong says, his eyes narrowed.“And he is a very charismatic and he knows how to read a room.He played the friendly elderly uncle to everyone present and it’s so gross now, knowing what we know.” He paused slightly.“So, don’t freak out about this, but I spoke to my brother about Chairman Baek. Turns out my family’s had dealings with the Baek’s in the past.They are not good people.”

Seonghwa thought about Yeosang telling him about the bodyguard that kidnapped him, about his grandfather telling him that he’d been killed and sunk in the Han River.It didn’t surprise him at all that Chairman Baek had ties to the underworld.It should have shocked him, but it somehow didn’t.

“I am trying to be shocked, but I just can’t bring myself to be,” he says earnestly.

“Hmm, yeah, the man is terrible and the further we can keep Coco and Jisung away from him, the better.”

“Are you and Yunho going to adopt Jisung?” Seonghwa teases.“He is so far gone on that kid, it’s cute as fuck.”

“It’s cause he’s so small.Yunho has a thing for small things.”

Seonghwa grins at him and quirks an eyebrow until Hongjoong sees it and tosses the cushion back at him.

“Shut up you asshole, I’m not small.”

“You’re like tiny, Joongie.”

“I will end you.”

“Chairman Baek was there first,” Seonghwa says and immediately regrets it when Hongjoong stills. 

“Fuck, what if he takes a hit out on you?”

“That is really dramatic, Joongie.Even for you.”

“No, bro, I’m serious.”

Seonghwa stares at him.“We’re not in like a Bourne movie.Or in Bad Guys, you know? Shit like that doesn’t happen in real life.It’s modern day Korea.There are laws.”

“You are literally speaking to the son of a gangster,” Hongjoong says and Seonghwa stills because, oh.

“Oh,” he says, and blinks.

“Fuck,” Hongjoong says.“How do you feel about a new identity?”

“You’re being absurd now, Joongie.It’s going to be fine. I’ll be fine.”

“No, but listen, Hwa.Can I just? Listen to me for fuck’s sake!” Hongjoong sat up and grabbed his wrist, hard, forcing him to stare at him.“There’s a way we can track you, in case anything does happen.”

“What, like through my phone?”

“Phones can be broken, turned off, thrown away.No this is something else.I should have thought about this before.”

“Okay, you’re freaking me out now,” Seonghwa says, gently unclasping Hongjoong’s fingers from his wrist.“It’s going to be fine.I’m not going to be kidnapped or murdered or anything, okay? Calm down.”

“Hwa, please? I’m being serious.” Hongjoong sighs.“Look, I’ve given the same thing to Yunho. It’s just a precaution.”

“You’re not planting anything in me,” Seonghwa says.

“No, don’t be weird.I’ll bring it over tomorrow.No one will know what it is.I swear.”

Hongjoong was dramatic, no doubt about it, but he didn’t easily freak out so Seonghwa nodded.

“Fine, okay,” he says and is rewarded with a quick grin.

“Okay, cool.” He grabs his phone and starts typing. 

Seonghwa watches him and wonders.They stay up too late, marathoning Guardian even thought they’ve both seen it several times, because they just love the characters so much.When Seonghwa gets to his room, he’s surprised to see that he has a missed call from an unknown number.He hits redial on impulse and it takes a few moment for the call to connect.

“Park Seonghwa?” It’s a woman’s voice. 

“Yes, who’s this?”

“It’s Angela Han,” she says.“Miss Angie.”

“Oh.” It takes a second for panic to hit him, full force.“Yeosang? Is Yeosang okay?”

“He’s fine, just tired.He’s gone back to his hotel room.I rang because I wanted to speak to you, privately.I hope that’s okay?”

“Should I be worried?”

“Yeah, kid.You should be worried.I have a car on its way to you right now.The driver will call you when he gets to your apartment.I’d like to talk to you face to face.”

“If you’re going to offer me money to leave Yeosang…”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Park Seonghwa.Why would I do that? He loves you, you love him.That’s rare enough in this time and age. I need to talk to you about other things.Bring your flatmate if you’re worried.I know who he is, who his family is, if it will make you feel better.”

“Uh, I’ll ask.How would I know who your driver is?”

“His name is Kim Sang-Joon. He will have his ID with him.You can check it.The car is my personal one.It’s a black S-type Mercedes.”

“Does Yeosang know you are calling me?”

“I told him I would.I just didn’t tell him I’d be doing it tonight.”

Seonghwa frowns at the phone in his hand, thinking it over but then he nods.“Okay, I’ll ask Hongjoong to come with me.Where are we going?”

“My apartment in Gangnam.”

“Okay, we’ll see you soon.”

***

Seonghwa walked into the penthouse apartment of the chairperson of Kang Industries with Hongjoong at his side.The place was tastefully decorated, with touches of Miss Angie’s personality on display.Knick knacks she’d picked up from her travels scattered throughout.It looked nice, a large space made comfortable. 

She greets them both warmly and thanks the man, Sang-Joon, who’d escorted them up and dismisses him.She tells Hongjoong to help himself to whatever is in the kitchen and tells Seonghwa to follow her to her office. 

Seonghwa catches a glimpse of a variety of photos on a wall and he recognises a younger Seonghwa with a group of people as they walk past it, towards an elegant metal staircase that goes up one flight to a mezzanine floor. 

Her office isn’t overly large but it is neat and tidy. 

“Sit,” she says, gesturing to the chair opposite her desk.“Thanks for coming, I appreciate it.”

“I’m not sure why I’m here…”

“Look, I’m not going to play some kind of game with you.My time is important to me and I think you deserve to know what’s going on.”She’s dressed in a soft button-down shirt with the top button undone.Her feet are bare and she looks tired but still pretty much put together. Her trousers are slim fitting but she has no problem tucking one leg up on her chair.She looks comfortable and is clearly making an effort to put Seonghwa at ease.“A subsidiary of Baek’s bought over the fund that handles scholarships to the top five universities in South Korea.It took us a while to find the true owners because they threw up so many false holding companies but,” she says with a satisfied smirk. “I don’t employ monkeys and I don’t pay them peanuts. So, Seonghwa, Yeosang was right.Chairman Baek came after you and his first move was to revoke your scholarship. What do you make of that?”

“I, uh?” Seonghwa sat forward.“Are you sure? Are you sure it was him?”

“I have the receipts,” she says, easily.“Here.” She unlocks her top drawer and hands him a folder.Seonghwa opens it and scans the contents.The top piece of paper is an organogram. “I had my guy, actually, my girl, show the way they hid the transactions by going through various dummy corporations. It impressive, but heavy handed.Very old school.”

“You sound disappointed,” Seonghwa says, almost smiling at her scowl.

“The chairman is very linear in his thinking,” she says.“And honestly, I would have preferred more of a challenge.”

“He didn’t just get my scholarship cancelled.There are other students this affected too, so it’s really a shitty thing to have done out of spite.”

“Trust me, he doesn’t care.But I do.I care very much.I grew up wealthy and I never had to look for help from anyone.I invested well, thanks to my father’s and his advisor’s advice, so I have been very fortunate in that respect.Then Yeosang’s parents died and I was made chairman of Kang. I’ve been focussing on developing the two branches of Kang Industries over the past few years and I think I’ve done well.Anyway,” she says, pushing her hair back and sitting forward a little.“It is time that Kang Industries gives back to the community.We are launching our own scholarship initiative.We’ve already been in touch with the university about this and you should, within the next few days hear back from them, about it. Your full scholarship will be reinstated, as will the scholarships of the other students who had their funding cut.We are also in the process of rolling out scholarships for less privileged students across South Korea, across both high school and university.Do not, for one second think, that this is just about you. I have, for several years now, thought about doing something similar because, well,” she grimaced.“Because I wanted a way to assuage my own guilt for being born with a golden spoon, if you will.Yeosang and I spoke about it at length and he said you’d fight him, fight me on this.”

“He’s not wrong, Miss Angie.Honestly, it feels…”

“What? What does it feel like, Seonghwa? Does it feel like charity?”

“Yes, it does.”

“So you’d rather accept a loan with ridiculous interest rates, work part-time to make up the rest of your tuition fees, be underpaid, stress about making good grades, graduate and then for the next ten, fifteen years struggle to pay back student debt?”

Seonghwa felt anger and shame war inside him.“You are being unnecessarily cruel,” he said, desperately keeping his temper in check.“I didn’t ask for this.”

“No, you didn’t.” She tapped a carefully manicured finger on her desk.“Seonghwa, this isn’t just about you.I had a look at the other students that the scholarship affected.I’ve added a clause to a few of their contracts where they will have the opportunity to join Kang once they’ve graduated.I want fresh blood in my R&D programme and three of the people who lost their scholarships are engineers.I had my girl look at what they’ve been doing for their group project and, with enough money behind them, these kids will be able to develop a numerical controller that will rival our Japanese competitors’ already groundbreaking technology.” Miss Angie realises that Seonghwa has no idea what she’s talking about but she goes on anyway.“Basically, you see it as charity, but I see it as an opportunity to invest back into Kang.Have you thought about what you’d do with your degree once you graduated?”

“Teach,” Seonghwa offers.“If I’m lucky, in a few years time I might make it big with my own art, or I could run a gallery or work in a museum.”

“Or you could work in the marketing department of any large corporation and work on branding, or you could go even more creative and find work in the movies? The world is your oyster.”She grins.“And, whatever success you achieve will be because of your hard work, and the fact that you had a scholarship to help you achieve your dreams.”

“So you are saying that my success will reflect well on my whoever provides me with a scholarship.”

“Exactly. It’s a win-win situation.”

“I’m still not sure, Miss Angie.It seems one-sided to me. The chances of me being able to use my degree in real life is very slim.”

“Park Seonghwa,” she says, her voice firm.“I am feeling that you are now arguing for the sake of arguing.If another company had come forward and offered you scholarship, would you have accepted?”

“I…possibly?”

“Why?”

Seonghwa closes his eyes and ran his hands through his hair.“Because this doesn’t feel _right_ , Miss Angie.I told Yeosang not to try and pay my tuition and he said he wouldn’t.”

“Oh, I know.He told me.And he isn’t.He was very adamant about it.He made me swear - a pinky wear - that I wouldn’t interfere.”

“And yet,” Seonghwa says pointedly, tapping the folder in his lap.

“But this isn’t coming from me, or him,” Miss Angie says.“This has been approved by the board.I merely mentioned it to one of the senior directors and they were very quick to take ownership of the scholarship programme. It is out of my hands entirely.I am merely telling you about it, for clarity’s sake, so that you didn’t think this came from either me or Yeosang.”

“What about your rich person’s guilt?” Seonghwa asks and he sees her flush.

“Well, lets just say that my fellow directors tend to suffer from a similar malady.And they all hate Chairman Baek, so if anything made him angry, they would be up for it.”

“Unbelievable,” Seonghwa mutters.“Me arguing isn’t going to change anything, is it?”

“You tried, bless your sweet heart,” she says, standing up.“But you’re right. It was one of the first things we pushed through earlier this morning, so the wheels are already in motion.”

“What do you expect of me in return?”

“Pardon?”

“Nothing in life is free.”

Miss Angie stares at him, hard.“You owe me to do well, Park Seonghwa.That is what I want in return. I want you and the others who will be getting the scholarship, to do so well, that you’ll make our scholarship stand out from all the others.The better you do, the more glory, the more legendary our scholarship will become. What were you expecting, Seonghwa? What did you think the other scholarship wanted from you? Why should ours be any different?”

Seonghwa swallows.“The other scholarship was anonymous.A group of people decided they liked the look of my art and gave it to me after meeting me a few times. They didn’t know me. I wasn't dating someone they knew.”

“Look,” she sighed, suddenly looking really tired.“You don’t have to accept the scholarship. I can’t believe how many times you’re making me say scholarship, you little punk.You can opt to reject it and it will go to someone else, whatever. It’s up to you.You can wait to hear back from the places you applied to for jobs too.Yeosang told me what you told him earlier today and honestly, Seonghwa, I admire your guts.So many other kids would have taken the easy way out, taken Baek up on his money, or asked Yeosang to help them.I admire your honesty and your character.You are a good kid, but you are stubborn and your pride is a good thing, but it’s making you stupid.”

“What if Yeosang decides he doesn’t want me to be his boyfriend anymore? A month from now, six months from now?”

“Then you must have fucked up badly,” she answers, easy. “Because that kid is so fierce about you, the moment I put the motion to the board, he dragged me out of the room and yelled at me for a good half an hour.”

Seonghwa grins then.“He did?”

“He was getting ready to stage a coup and get me thrown out as the chairperson.”She looks so proud it makes him laugh. “Now, I’m sending you and Hongjoong home. Think about it, talk to Yeosang, take your time.”

Seonghwa stands and bows.“I will, thank you for the opportunity, Miss Angie.”

“Stop being formal, oh my god. I’m younger than your mother and you’re making me feel weird.” She stood up and walked him back down into the penthouse proper.Hongjoong was watching music videos on the giant flatscreen tv and he looked up drowsily when he heard them.

“God, he is so cute,” Miss Angie says quietly behind Seonghwa.“He’s like a fierce pocket fairy.”

Seonghwa chokes on the air in his lungs and coughs loudly into his elbow.Hongjoong stands and bows to Miss Angie, giving no indication that he’d heard her at all. 

“All okay?” He smiles at Seonghwa, eyebrows raised, first at him then at Miss Angie.

“Yes, everything is fine.My driver will be taking you both home.Sleep well and Seonghwa, speak to Yeosang.You have time to figure it out.”

Her driver, Sang-Joon, arrives shortly to collect them and escort them back down to the waiting car. Hongjoong is vibrating quietly at his side but keeps quiet, obviously not keen to talk about things in front of a complete stranger.

Seonghwa messages Yeosang to tell him he’d just been to talk to Miss Angie and can he please call him when he gets back to his apartment. 

**Yeosang**

Yes, please!

She said she’d speak to you.

Just didn’t think it would be tonight.

Are you okay?

**Seonghwa**

I am?

I think?

Like, I’m super confused.

I miss you.

Why are you staying in a hotel?

**Yeosang**

It’s easier than going back to my place.

And Miss Angie said it’s for security.

I think she’s just being anxious.

Because of the board meetings.

**Seonghwa**

Is something going on?

**Yeosang**

Not anything I can talk about, like this.

Sorry.

**Seonghwa**

This feels super clandestine

Should I be worried?

**Yeosang**

Where are you now?

Are you with anyone?

**Seonghwa**

I’m with Hongjoong

She made me bring him along to make me feel better, I think.

But we’re in her car, with her driver.

Tall guy, muscles on his muscles.

**Yeosang**

Her driver?

Sang-Joon?

Oh shit, yeah, she means business.

He’s is ex-special forces. She obviously likes you a lot.

**Seonghwa**

I’m very likeable.

*grins*

But, again, should I be worried?

**Yeosang**

No, I don’t think so.

Security is always ramped up around the board meetings.

It’s fine.

I jut miss you so much.

I want to see you.

**Seonghwa**

Well, why don’t you take a long bath or shower.

Get into bed and try and chill out and we can talk when I get home.

**Yeosang**

Ugh, fine.

Be sensible.

<3 <3

**Seonghwa**

What, no hugs and kisses?

>>;-d

**Yeosang**

Fiiiiine

xoxo

**Seonghwa**

Better

I miss you, pretty thing.

Talk to you in a few.

xoxo

***

It’s only when they’re back in their apartment that Seonghwa tells Hongjoong everything Miss Angie had said.To his surprise Hongjoong doesn’t get why he is reluctant about taking up the scholarship.

“You’re being stupid,” he says.“Take the scholarship, get your degree. Nothing has changed apart from who is offering it.”

“The ‘who’ is the company my boyfriend owns!” Seonghwa shouts back.

“No,” Hongjoong replies.“He doesn’t own the company, he’s a major stakeholder, shut up, I looked it up.But he doesn’t own it. He’s a junior director and Miss Angie is the chairman.There are eleven other board members and like hundreds of stakeholders.”

“But, it’s a handout, Joongie.What the fuck.”

“Jesus on a bicycle, Park Seonghwa.It is not a handout! They are offering scholarships to the other kids who lost theirs too.That’s a big fucking gesture if you think it’s a handout.Get a grip, bloody hell.Swallow your stupid pride and take the scholarship.It is being offered with the best of intentions.You can get lawyers to go over the paperwork for you.You know some, right?”

“Yeah, my mum has lawyers.”

“So, get them to go over the paperwork and see what they say. But you’d be a complete and utter idiot for not taking the scholarship.It would mean that you actually get to graduate, without killing yourself working in some deadend job that will make your grades suffer.”

Seonghwa hums noncommittally and grabs his phone when it rings.

“Hello Mother Dearest,” he says, because of course it’s his mother.

“Park Seonghwa,” she says, and she sounds distracted. “Why haven’t you called me recently?”

“Uh, I called you last week?”

“Not the point, young man.I have missed you.When I’m back in Seoul we should catch up.What are your plans for the summer?”

“I’m not sure.Things are a bit weird for me right now.”

Seonghwa can hear her drop her vaguely maternal attitude and she comes back full on maternal.

“What is going on? Are you all right?”

“Well. My scholarship got revoked…” Seonghwa pulls the phone away from his ear as he hears something crash and then her yelling in the background. 

“What? Can they do that? I’m calling the dean right now, I have her number saved in my phone. We went to college together.If she thinks she can get away with this shit, she has another thing coming.”

This made Seonghwa grin.It’s one of the reasons why he wanted to come here. His mum studied here, as did his dad.Technically he’s a legacy but that’s neither here nor there.

“It’s not just mine, they cut the funds for a handful of other students too, but,” he says, taking a breath.“We might be getting lucky as another company has stepped forward and said they would take on the scholarship.”

“Even so, who the hell do these people think they are? Rescinding scholarships without any kind of recourse! They’ve not met me or the hell I can unleash on them.”

“Mom!” Seonghwa holds the phone away from his chest.“Mother Dearest!” He yells and apologises to his neighbours mentally, for the noise. 

“Do not shout at me, Seonghwa, where is your respect?”

“You’re not listening to me.I think we’ve got it handled this side, okay? I’ll tell you as soon as things have been decided.Are you okay for me to ring your lawyers to look over the new paperwork?”

“Oh honey, of course.”

“Great.How’s the installation going?”

“Well,” Chung Cha says.“It is going really well.The patron seems pleased with what I’ve been doing, so that’s great.There’s a party tomorrow night for the big reveal, then I’m flying home afterwards.Keep me posted, precious child, with how things are going.”

“I will do, Mum.I promise.”

“Oh, before you go.How’s your boyfriend doing?”

“He’s good, mum.I’m seeing him this weekend.”

“I love the pictures you’ve sent me.He looks so cute, a little punk rock. You know a love a good punk rock boy.Bring him around, Hwa. I’d like to meet him.”

“Uh, sure?”

“Are you worried I won’t like him?” Her voice dropped dramatically.“Or are you worried that he won’t like me?”

“No,” Seonghwa lies.“It’s just he might be busy. He’s got a fashion show he’s prepping for and it’s in like 3 weeks’ time, so he is pretty crazy…”

“A few hours won’t make any difference,” she overrules happily.“Love you, Hwa! Gotta go.Tell Hongjoong I love him too!”

“Bye, bye!”

Seonghwa sinks down on his couch and stares at Hongjoong.

“She sends her love.”

“I heard.She is not quiet.”

“No.I feel exhausted.” He drapes himself over the armrest dramatically.“Ugh, why is all of this so hardddddddd.”

“Yeah, you’ve got more drama going on than any KDrama I’ve ever seen.So, I’m going to bed.”

Seonghwa holds up his phone.“Gotta call Sangie first,” he says. 

“No dirty phone sex, okay?”

“But why not? My first class is only at eleven tomorrow.” Seonghwa didn’t even think about dirty FaceTime sex and now suddenly.He grins at Hongjoong and wiggles his eyebrows.

Hongjoong lets out a tiny wail and slams his door shut behind him.Laughing to himself,Seonghwa gets himself some water for his room and drops Yeosang a quick message to say he’s home. 

His phone buzzes immediately and he pops his headset on so that he can be hands-free.

“Hey,” he says falling back against his pillows. 

“Hey you,” Yeosang’s voice seems far away.“You okay?”

“Hmm, you know? I think I am. I just spoke to my mom.She’s coming back to Seoul in the next few days and she wants to meet you.”

“What? Are you serious?”

Seonghwa laughs at the horror in Yeosang’s voice.

“She’s not that bad, Sangie.She already thinks you’re amazing because you put up with me.”

“Well, she’s _not wrong_ ,” Yeosang agrees, a little meanly.“You are hard work.”

“Such hard work,” Seonghwa agrees, with a smile.“So needy too, just wanting to see your cute face.”

“One sec.”

Seonghwa’s phone buzzes and when he checks it, it’s a selca of Yeosang in his hotel. He looks so cosy that Seonghwa makes a soft little noise.

“You are so goddamn cute,” he whispers.“What the fuck?”

“Now you,” Yeosang whispers back, soft soft.

“Okay, gimme a mo.”

He hates selcas. It makes him self-conscious and he’s always aware that he looks a little too everything in them. Eyes too big, face too big, mouth too big.

“Hmm, this one?” He hits send and hears Yeosang giggle.  \

“That is cute, Hwa, thank you.”

He grins up at the ceiling listening to Yeosang shift around. 

“FaceTime?” He asks him and then his phone buzzes with the request.He accepts it and smiles at his boyfriend.

“You look so cosy.” Then. “Wait, how many blankets are you sleeping under?”

“The room is freezing!” Yeosang wails, pulling his stack of blankets higher.

“Lucky thing.The heat was ridiculous again today. I literally ran from shadow to shadow to get home today.”

“Can’t believe you just told me about the weather.”

“RIP romance,” Seonghwa intones.“It’s over for us, sorry, Sangie.It’s slippers and old socks in bed from now on.”

“I refuse to believe that,” Yeosang says, pouting at the screen. “I’m too young to settle for slippers and old socks and weather talk.”

“How about pillow talk?” Seonghwa counters and he can see the flush creep up Yeosang’s cheeks.“Hmm? Wanna be a little dirty? Wanna show me what else you’re wearing tonight?”

“No, oh my god, Seonghwa. Don’t,” Yeosang laughs at him.“I’m not giving you a show.”

“Ugh, fine.Worst. Boyfriend. Ever.”

They banter for a few more minutes and Seonghwa is grinning at Yeosang and Yeosang is smiling back and it’s just nice.It’s so fucking nice his heart feels like it’s going to burst.

“Okay, tell me what Miss Angie told you tonight?” Yeosang eventually says, pushing himself up against the headboard and angling the phone so Seonghwa can see more of him, and not just his face.

So Seonghwa tells him about it all and Yeosang nods along.He looks very nervous when Seonghwa peters off.He’s given him a good rundown of his own thoughts too and Yeosang looks like he wants to somehow press himself through he screen into Seonghwa’s lap.

“I didn’t know she’d do this,” Yeosang says after a few long seconds. “I was so angry with her.”

“She told me,” Seonghwa says with a smile.“It’s okay, Sangie. All of this is okay. I’m trying not to freak out and I’m trying to think about it logically. I won’t do anything stupid, I swear.”

“You better not. I know where you live.And Hongjoong is on my side.”

“What? How do you even-?”

“He messaged me just before I called saying: _coco I’m on your side_ , so there’s that.”

“A traitor in my camp!”

“He’s been really worried, Hwa.Like, really worried about you.”

“I know.” Seonghwa rubs his face.“Sangie, can I ask you something?”

“Sure, of course.”

“Would you or Miss Angie have done something about this if I wasn’t the one involved?”

Yeosang looks thoughtful. “I think so. If I’d known someone in the programme at least, like as a friend, I definitely would’ve felt compelled to do something.The fact is that it’s you though, we can’t get away from it, can we? But listen to me, Hwa.” Yeosang leans forward a little.“I was there when the directors discussed this.We already have a very well thought of internship scheme, so this scholarship feeds right into that. It makes Kang look really good and ultimately, we help a bunch of talented people, sure, but the cachet it gives us amongst our competitors and across the industry as a whole is worth a hell of a lot more than the money they’ll be investing in the scholarships.”

Seonghwa is quiet for some time before he nods.“Yeah, okay, I get it, thanks for being honest with me, Sangie.”

“Of course,” he says in reply.“I’m not going to make you answer me now, about accepting it or not, but I sincerely hope that you do.”

“Thanks, baby.God, I miss you.”

“I know, Hwa.” Yeosang looks at something off-screen before looking back at him.“So, what are you doing this summer, if you don’t have to work?”

“Hmmm, we all usually go camping by the sea.We become beach rats for a few weeks and forget that we’re students with too much work and not enough hours in the day to get it all done.”

“Camping?” Yeosang frowns at him.“Like, with tents?”

“Yes?” Seonghwa laughs at him.“What’s with the face?”

“But, amongst other people, actual strangers? On like a campground?” His frown deepens.“And then you have to share bathroom facilities?”

Seonghwa is outright laughing now.“Yes, we’re poor students, Sangie.Exactly like that.”

“Oh, right. And do you have to book in advance or?”

“No, usually we just drive until we find a place, then we check if they have space and if they don’t we go to the next stop.”

The sheer horror on Yeosang’s face is a treat.Seonghwa muffles his laughter in his elbow, aware of Hongjoong sleeping in his bedroom next door.

“That is not safe, Hwa,” Yeosang says, sounding and looking a bit faint.

“What? It’s perfectly fine.We’ve been doing this the past three years.It’s tradition now.”Seonghwa grins at him.“Do you want to come with and see how poor students live?”

“Honestly? I am not sure.”

“Okay, we can talk about it.”

Yeosang nods but he doesn’t look won over in the least.

“When are you back?” Seonghwa asks him instead, knowing when he’d be back, but wanting to hear it again, just in case. 

“This weekend.So tomorrow and then Friday afternoon I’ll be back at mine,” Yeosang says.“I remember why I hate having to do anything with the board, but Miss Angie insisted I be there for the full three days.”

“Poor baby,” Seonghwa mutters.“Wish I could be there to make you feel better.”

“Hmm, me too.You look sleepy.I’m going to go now and get some sleep too.What time are your classes tomorrow?”

“Eleven, and then another mid afternoon.There’s dance tomorrow night too.And I’m seeing the counsellor too.”

“Busy day.”

“Yeah.What are you guys up to?”

“We’re talking about a new joint venture with a Japanese company and it’s just too boring for words but Miss Angie wants me there as my father was the one who initially brought them on board several years ago.They are big on continuity and filial relationships so,” he grimaces, pointing at himself.“That’s me.”

“It sounds very adult.”

“It is, ridiculously so.”

“Okay, we better get some sleep then.I’ll message you tomorrow, okay?”

“Please do.” Yeosang pouts at the screen.“Kiss?”

“Please, yes,” Seonghwa says and watches as he kisses his screen.Seonghwa does the same and grins at him afterwards.“We’re so cheesy.”

“Don’t care! Sleep well, sweetest Hwa.”

“You too, pretty thing.”

***

The days drag by endlessly, the hours feel like months and nights feel like decades and he barely sleeps, and he’s restless and irritable during the day, until Hongjoong shouts at him and he shouts back and it’s awful and they stare at one another in shock.He hugs Hongjoong and apologises and immediately feels like crying because, what the fuck is going on? It’s not just that he’s missing Yeosang with a fierceness that is utterly ridiculous, there’s something else that’s making him feel off-kilter and he realises, with horror, that it’s been days since he’s bothered making any kind of art.The realisation hits him hard and he has to sit in the dark at the kitchen counter and just breathe for a few moments. He’s been so caught up in losing the scholarship and making places in how to fix it, that he’s not had time for anything else.Of course classes haven’t let up either, and added to that he’s been talking to the other students who lost their scholarship too and everyone is tense and worried because no one was remotely prepared for the eventuality.

Seonghwa resists the urge to throw on clothes and go down to the studio, it was after eleven on a Thursday and he had class first thing.He’d be in his studio by lunch time the next day so he’ll have to just suck it up until then. But still, he lies in bed and sketches tiny chibi sketches of Yeosang and all his friends and it’s something, at least, and the odd overwhelming buzz under his skin stills for a bit.

Then it’s Friday and Seonghwa is in his studio, working on a mixed media piece for class. He’s got his earphones on, deep into an episode of the Lore podcast, and he’s in the process of layering colours and substrates, fully immersed in the story he’s listening to.When the door to the studio opens he doesn’t notice but then suddenly there’s a hand holding a take-away cup of iced coffee out to him and he grins, following the hand, to the arm, to the shoulder to the neck and face that belongs to Yeosang.

Seonghwa blinks at Yeosang, at the flush on his cheeks, at the way his hair looks a little ruffled, at the way he’s smiling at him, at how his eyes are the softest hazel with flashes of dark caramel, and he just drinks it in.Then he carefully pulls his headphones off after dropping his brush and then he takes the cup of iced coffee and carefully places it on the table at his side before closing the space between them.Yeosang backs away, still smiling, and Seonghwa keeps walking him backwards until he fetches up against the wall and Seonghwa traps him there, a hand on either side of his head, his hips lined up perfectly and he leans forward and just inhales Yeosang. He drags his nose along his neck, nuzzles his jaw a little, making Yeosang gasp softly as he bites the sweet little angle there, before he moves his lips to catch his mouth in a barely there kiss. 

“I missed you,” Yeosang says, staying completely still as Seonghwa continues to inhale him and taste him. “It’s scary how much I’ve missed you.”

“Hmm,” Seonghwa is nodding against him, his forehead resting against his.“It’s bad, I know. I couldn’t sleep. I was irritable and tired but you know the worst part?”

“What?”

“Laundry day. My sheets don’t smell like you anymore, Kang Yeosang.”

“Oh no,” Yeosang whispers, winding his arms around Seonghwa’s neck.“That’s terrible.We should fix that this weekend, don’t you think?”

“God, yes please,” Seonghwa mutters, his lips close to Yeosang’s, so close.

“Why aren’t you kissing me?” There’s an almost whine in Yeosang’s tone, and it is cute but then Yeosang smirks a little and angles his chin up so that Seonghwa can see his face. “I don’t think you really missed me, Hwa? Should I just go or…?”

Seonghwa drops his hands from the wall to Yeosang’s hips and pulls him a little forcefully towards him.“Does it feel like I haven’t missed you?” His growl is low as he watches Yeosang’s eyes flare in surprise. “I do not want to get lost in kissing you here because I _will not stop_. And you’re loud, pretty thing, once you let go, you’re so loud and I don’t want to get us thrown out of here.”

“Fuck,” Yeosang mutters and swallows convulsively.“Yeah, that makes sense.”

It’s Seonghwa’s turn to smirk but he dips his head and presses a butterfly soft kiss to Yeosang’s lips. 

“A placeholder,” he says.“For later, okay?”

“Yeah,” Yeosang says, smiling.“For later.”

“Okay,” Seonghwa says.“I’m going to uhm? Step back now, so.”

“Yeah, okay.You do that.I’ll be here.Far away from you.”

Seonghwa smiles at that and moves back to his easel, his eyes on Yeosang who looks a lot flustered and a little rumpled.It’s a good look on him.It makes him look soft and sweet and something a little predatory makes itself home under Seonghwa’s ribs as he watches him clear a small space on the table so he can sit down.

“I thought I’d just quickly come some hi and then go back to mine,” Yeosang tells him, bringing his own iced coffee to his lips.“Have you eaten?”

“I grabbed a roll earlier on my way here.” Seonghwa takes a sip of his ice coffee and lets out a groan.“You are the best boyfriend a guy can have, thanks for this.”

“You’re welcome, baby,” Yeosang says, looking very pleased with himself.“I’ll stay and finish this then head back to mine. Wanna go on a date with me tonight? We have lots to catch up on.”

“Hmm, not sure.” Seonghwa tilts his head consideringingly.

“Well, that’s not offensive at all,” Yeosang says, snippy and a little offended.It makes Seonghwa laugh and it’s with the utmost willpower that he doesn’t walk over there and kiss him senseless.

“No, give me a chance to actually finish what I’m saying before you get all offended, Kang Yeosang.”

“Fine, go on.” Yeosang fake rolls his eyes, pretending disinterest as he examines his nails, buffing them against his black t-shirt.Today’s slogan is **_I have absolutely no desire to fit in_** in a fun bold cartoony font across his chest.

Seonghwa looks at him and senses that there was something about Yeosang today that was a little bit extra. He watches him, sees the slight tremble in his hands, the way his breathing is a little different, the way his eyes are a little glossy and hooded.The way he’s sitting on the table, his legs splayed a little wider than they usually would be, the way he’s not watching Seonghwa and is instead having some kind of debate in his own head. And then it hits him.Yeosang is horny. The knowledge makes that feeling below his ribs preen a little.

“What I was trying to say is that it’s a difficult choice because I want you all to myself.” He’s aware of those big eyes flicking his way, but he keeps talking, dropping his voice a little lower. “I haven’t seen you in a billion hours and I want to kiss you.” Deep breath, exhale. “And I want to hold you and undress you and,” a quick glance towards him, noticing how Yeosang is now staring at him a little dazed. “Make you moan and gasp my name.”He has Yeosang’s attention now, so he sits himself back down on his stool and stretches his legs out. It’s not often that he purposefully flirts but he knows Yeosang likes his body so he makes a show of elongating his neck a little and gives a small groan as he rolls his neck as ifhis muscles are stiff. He does a total bro bicep flex as he pics up his coffee again.“But, on the other hand,” he continues, taking a sip of of the iced coffee, using the condensation it leaves on his hand to rub the skin of his throat, down the v of his t-shirt, cooling himself off, before he drops his hand back down to his thigh and wiping his palm dry, starting way too high, practically groping himself, before sliding his palm down incrementally.“We have a lot to talk about so, a date would probably be better.Because we’d be in public.And we’d be forced to, you know, behave.” He ends, sounding deeply regretful, and bats his lashes sadly before he looks back up again, perhaps the tiniest pout to accompany the little look.

Yeosang’s gaze is glassy and he blinks slowly then seems to snap back to himself with a frown.

“The fuck, Hwa? What was that?”

“What?” Seonghwa asks, all innocence. “I’m just telling you what I was thinking.”

“Yah, you’re some kind of like, sex sorcerer, or something.Where did you learn to do shit like that?” Yeosang is standing and he looks a little panicked. “I’m going because I can’t actually cope with you right now.”

Seonghwa has to bite the inside of his cheek to help him keep a straight face.He runs a thumb over his lips, dragging his thumb exaggeratedly over his lower lip whilst levelling a hooded look at Yeosang.

“Yeah,” he says, voice low, a little growly.“Sure, baby.A date.I’ll be ready.”

Yeosang just shakes his head, finishes his coffee and tosses it to the bin before walking to the door.He stops and looks back at Seonghwa, clearly desperate to say something, then he seems to think better of it, yanks it open and is about to step out when he decides against it and instead turns around and walks right back to Seonghwa who watches him with amusement. 

“No, not allowed.” Yeosang gets in close, a little aggressive, standing between his legs. His eyes flash with a wild light. ”You are not allowed to mess around like this, are we clear?”

“I’m sorry?” Seonghwa murmurs right back, pulling him closer. “Do you wanna go, pretty thing? Pretty sure I can take you.”

“You’d lose,” Yeosang tells him, his voice still aggressive but he is staring at Seonghwa’s mouth. “I’d make you beg.”

“Yeah?” Seonghwa breathes, jutting his chin a little.“What would you do?”

Yeosang sways closer and suddenly he has a hand in Yeosang’s hair and he pulls, jerking his head backwards. Seonghwa swallows, hard, his breathing stutters and he can feel his heart rate escalate. Yeosang smirks at him, and it’s knowing. If he wasn’t sitting, Seonghwa would be on his knees in front of Yeosang.As it is, he has a time of it to keep himself very still as Yeosang takes charge.He has his face really close to Seonghwa’s and his eyes are dark and serious as he stares down at him.Then he closes that tiny bit of space between them, slowly, and kisses Seonghwa, his lips warm on his and he takes no prisoners the way he works his mouth to make Seonghwa shudder against him.Seonghwa can’t think at all and there’s white noise in his head.Yeosang twines his arms around his neck and holds Seonghwa’s head in place as he takes his time kissing him, his tongue teasing and warm.Seonghwa feels like he’s going to fall and the only solid thing right now is Yeosang so he reaches out and wraps his hands around his hips and pulls him closer, his fingers finding purchase on the smooth skin beneath Yeosang’s black t-shirt. He lets his hands roam beneath the shirt, finding his lower back, dipping his fingers beneath the waistband and splaying his hands wide and pulling his groin closer to his, letting himself have this, the feel of him, the shape of him, right now, before later tonight, when he’s planning on taking him apart.

Yeosang pulls back eventually, having fully ravaged Seonghwa’s mouth, a smug expression on his face, even if he is a little shaky on his legs at first.

“Hmm, place holder,” he says, looking satisfied, running a thumb over Seonghwa’s lower lip.“I’ll see you at seven.Dress pretty.”

Seonghwa watches him go, his head spinning from the kiss.When his studio door clicks shut he lets out a whoosh of air and runs both hands through his hair.Because, fuck.

***

Seonghwa dresses pretty. He’s wearing his favourite tightest black jeans and he borrows one of Hongjoong’s shirts.The thing is a soft grey button down and he has no idea what the fabric is but he likes it because it fits his shoulders well and it’s a little bit billowy.It makes him feel a little piratical. He also digs through his jewellery and finds the daintiest choker, again something he’d stolen from Hongjoong at some stage. It’s a slender delicate thing and he has to get Hongjoong to help him put it on. 

“I’m over at Yunho and Jongho’s tonight,” Hongjoong tells him. “And Wooyoung is coming over so you’ll have two apartments to choose from to defile.”

“Oh my god, you are literally the best bro.”

“You’re welcome, bro.”

“No but listen to me, bro.Practice safe sex, okay?”

“Always, bro.And you guys too, okay?” Seonghwa winks.“Not too much soju because I know how you and Yunho get very loved up very fast.”

“Yah, I have some self control,” Hongjoong bristles but he can’t help the light blush.

Seonghwa’s phone buzzes and he he sees the message from Yeosang telling him he’s downstairs in the car.

“Okay, gotta go.Love you, bro.Make good choices,” he tells him as he pockets his keys and wallet and wonders about his leather jacket before he goes ahead and grabs it anyway.You just never know.

“You too, bro.Don’t exhaust him too much. He’s out with Yunho and San tomorrow morning, don’t forget.”

“What?” Seonghwa yells but he’s running down the fire escape stairs already because the lift was taking too long.

Outside Yeosang is leaning against the same black SUV with the same driver as before.Seonghwa feels his mouth go dry. Yeosang always looks good but tonight he’s clearly decided he wants to kills Seonghwa.

Dressed in a formfitting silk shirt of the softest honey gold, he’s paired it with a pair of black trousers that have…ties? bits of ribbon? strips of fabric? dangling distractingly from his hips and random places. He’s wearing thicksoled black punk rock shoes that give him at least two inches which makes him…the same height as Seonghwa and that’s so fucking hot.His eyes are smokey and there’s the faintest red stain added to his lips, accentuating their plump fullness.Seonghwa is beyond relieved that he took the time to have Hongjoong mess with his make-up kit and do stuff to his face too.

“You look,” he starts, momentarily forgetting about the driver who was moving to open the door for them.“Really nice, Sangie.”

“Yeah, Hwa, so do you.” Yeosang’s eyes are all over him and his voice is a soft rasp.He takes Seonghwa’s hand and gets in the back of the car. The driver, Kim, gives Seonghwa a little nod of acknowledgement before he slams the door shut and runs around the front of the car to get behind the wheel.

“Where are we going?” Seonghwa asks, after a few moments, as Kim merges neatly into the traffic.As usual he puts the music on which is a indicator that he’s there but not listening to their conversation. 

“Somewhere I’ve wanted to take you for ages,” Yeosang says, staring at how their hands are on the seat between them, resting there, not touching.“I hope you’ll like it.”

“If you like it, I’m sure I’ll like it,” Seonghwa says, mesmerised by how Yeosang is staring at him.“Sangie?”

“Hmm?”

“You know I’ve missed you, right?”

Something in his tone makes Yeosang look at him and Seonghwa swallows.“Earlier, at the studio.I was being an ass. I was messing around and then afterwards I realised that I made it like I was only missing you physically, like it was only about sex for me.And I’m sorry.”

“Hwa…”

“Because it’s not just that, you know? I missed everything about you. I missed having you by my side, the way you make me feel when you say my name. I missed watching you sketch and get excited about a design or the way you frown when your favourite hazelnut double shot frap is finished before you’re ready for it to be finished. I’ve missed seeing you smile at me, like you really like me. I’ve missed all of you, not just the physical bits, and I need you to know that and understand.”

The interior of the SUV is dim but Yeosang’s colour is high, and Seonghwa goes soft soft soft for him.

“Yeah, Hwa, I understand.” The smile on his face is sweet, shy and it’s that deep dimple that’s tucked in the corner of his mouth, that Seonghwa adores so much that finally gets him. 

“Can I kiss you?”

Yeosang’s eyes widen at the soft question, but he nods and Seonghwa leans towards him, giving him a soft lingering kiss.Yeosang curls their fingers together on the seat between them, giving them a squeeze and Seonghwa sits back, feeling like the cat who just stole the cream.

They drive through Seoul and Seonghwa finds himself at a loss as to where exactly they are although he knows they are somewhere downtown. They pull up outside a hotel and Kim jumps out to open the door for them. 

“Thanks, Kim,” Yeosang says as he stands next to Seonghwa.“I’ll call you when we’re ready to back.”

“Yes, sir.Have a good evening.”

Seonghwa follows Yeosang as he sweeps past the doormen holding the doors open for them, past the reservation desk and through to an elevator which arrives swiftly and quietly.They’re whisked upstairs to the 35th floor where they’re met by an attractive man holding an iPad.

“Kang,” Yeosang says and the man finds them on the reservation list, ticks that they’ve arrived, before he escorts them through the opulent restaurant to a single table set by floor to ceiling windows.

“As requested, Kang- _ssi_.Thank you for visiting us again,” the man says, withdrawing quietly.

Yeosang smiles at Seonghwa as they take their seats.“Miss Angie and I come here when she’s in town. Their food is good.I heard they just got awarded a Michelin star so I wanted to bring you here too.It’s somewhere I really like.”

Seonghwa tries his best not to be intimidated by his surroundings, but the view is spectacular and the other diners don’t matter to him, only the boy opposite him who looks impossibly pleased with himself, and he smiles at him.

“You know I would’ve been happy to go for like tteokbokki or something.”

“I know,” Yeosang smiles at him.“Next time, I promise. Tonight, let me treat you? I missed you so much and I know you love good food.”

“You’re the worst, Kang Yeosang,” Seonghwa tells him, his smile threatening to become really wide and obnoxious.

“I know, I’m sorry.” He doesn’t look remotely sorry.He transfers his smile to their waiter when he comes up to them, all crisp white shirt and formal black tie. 

“Oh, Kang- _ssi_ , welcome back to Pierre Gagnaire’s. I wasn’t sure which Kang I’d be getting seated with me tonight.” The man’s smile was friendly and he glanced at Seonghwa, giving him a welcoming bow.

“Sangwong,” Yeosang says looking pleased.“I hoped you’d be looking after us tonight.This is my boyfriend, Park Seonghwa.”

“It is a pleasure,” the man says, easy, not even batting an eye that Yeosang would introduce him to his date, never mind as his boyfriend.

“I’m nervous, Sangwong,” Seonghwa tells him.“I’ve never been anywhere as fancy before.”

Sangwong grins at his honesty and winks at Yeosang.“I like him, Kang- _ssi._ ” Then he turns to Seonghwa again. “I’m sure you’re going to love it.We care about all our patrons and if there’s anything I can do to make your evening more comfortable, just tell me.”

“Yah,” Yeosang says.“Stop flirting with my boyfriend and bring us something to drink.We’ll be going for the Esprit menu so, please choose the wines for us. Is Jean-Claude tongith's sommelier?”

Sangwong doesn’t look in the least put out by Yeosang’s words and shoots Seonghwa a quick grin before he turns his attention back to Yeosang. 

Seonghwa watches Yeosang as he talks wine and food with their server and zones out, admiring the view, the lights of downtown Seoul and the quiet buzz of conversation in the restaurant.When Sangwong walks away Yeosang tangles their fingers together on the table and smiles at him.

“You’re very quiet, Hwa.”

“Hmm, just taking it all in.Trying not to think about how very different our lives are.”

“Oh,” Yeosang says, his voice very quiet, his eyes big.“I don’t want you to be uncomfortable, Hwa.We can leave if you’d rather go somewhere else?”

“No, no, it’s not that.” Seonghwa holds his hand a little tighter.“It’s just, how different your experiences are to mine. I’m not saying it’s bad, just that it’s different.”

“Oh, yeah.” Yeosang nods.“But I didn’t stop to think that I’m doing the thing.”

“The thing?”

“Yeah, the chaebol thing. Like I did when I took you to Jeju.Jesus, why did I think it was a good idea to fly you there by private jet? I need you to know that I don’t do this on purpose, or to show off, Hwa. It’s just that it’s easier for me to be myself this way than not? I swear on my life I’m not doing it to, I don’t know, make you aware of how much money I’ve got.”

“Hey,” Seonghwa grabs his wrist and holds onto it.“Just stop. I didn’t say I was uncomfortable or unhappy about any of this, or being flown by private jet anywhere, oh my god! You’re not being too much. You’re not being,” he thinks about it. “You’re not being an asshole about it.I get that this is who you are.Never feel that you have to apologise for what you’ve got. I’d never for one second hold it against you.My god, pretty thing. I had no idea who you were for almost two months and it makes no difference to me, okay? You brought me here because you like it here. You’ve literally taken me for street food in the past and dragged me around a night market in a part of Seoul I don’t think is safe for anyone, making me eat food out of the back of someone’s _car_ ,” Seonghwa stresses.“I’m okay with this, with you.”

“Those skewers were so good though,” Yeosang says, a fake-dreamy look in his eye.“But really, are you okay being here, with me?”

“I’d go with you anywhere,” Seonghwa assures him.

“Good, because I want to show you everything I like.Not just this, but you know.Other things too.”

“I like it, we’re making our own memories.”

Yeosang grins and nods.“Yes, exactly.”

“Oh,” Seonghwa says, voice a sudden whisper, his eyes resting on their joined hands.“You’re wearing the ring.”

“I am. I wear it every day now.”

They’re briefly interrupted by their server stopping by with the wine that accompanies their food, along with bottled sparkling water. He disappears himself without much fuss and Seonghwa is grateful.

“I’m glad,” Seonghwa says and he means it.

“I like it very much. It reminds me of when you told me you loved me for the first time.”

“So long ago now,” Seonghwa teases.“You must be tired of hearing it by now.”

“So tired,” Yeosang teases, rolling his eyes, making Seonghwa laugh.

He takes a sip of wine and hums.“Okay, this is nice. I hope you brought like a million won to tip Sangwong, he chose well.”

“Hmm, don’t get overexcited, lets first see how the rest of the night goes.”

The three starters arrive and Sangwon takes his time to tell Seonghwa what each plate is.Seonghwa is hesitant about the foie gras but to his shock he finds that he really likes it and he spreads a little on a piece of fresh bread for Yeosang who leans forward so he can feed him.Next he tries the wafer thin parchment pastry thing that’s been infused with herbs and wrapped around cherry tomatoes and the flavours burst in his mouth. He laughs and makes sure to feed some to Yeosang who eagerly accepts it.

“Good right?”

“So good, Sangie. Wait, try this,” he says, around a mouthful of the seared tuna, before he feeds him and he leans back in his chair.“Oh my god. This is so good.”

Yeosang smiles at him. “I’m glad you like it.”

They eat for a bit and then Seonghwa looks at him.“I spoke to the councillor late yesterday afternoon.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Hmm, he went over various loans with me. They’ve received notice too, about the new scholarships being extended to the students who recently lost theirs.He’s asked me to hold off thinking about the loans. He’s told all the others the same. It seems the university is really excited about receiving the new scholarship grant and working with Kang.”

Yeosang obviously tries his best not to preen a little but he fails miserably and it makes Seonghwa grin.

“So,” Seonghwa says.“If it all checks out, maybe I will take the scholarship.”

“Oh, Hwa,” Yeosang says, his fingers trembling against his.“That’s really good.Like, really good. I’m so glad.”

“ _If_ it checks out,” Seonghwa says, holding up a finger.“Just in case you try and steal my soul or something as part of the fine print.”

“Hmm, I think I already have your heart,” Yeosang whispers, eyes intent.“Am I wrong?”

“No,” Seonghwa says, honest.“You’re not wrong at all.”

“Oh good,” Yeosang says. “I was a little worried you only liked me for my sassy t-shirts.”

“Oh yes, for sure.The sassy t-shirts are my favourite.”

The night is a symphony of amazing food and Seonghwa feels a little punch drunk on being with Yeosang again.

“Will you ever tell me about your five year plan?” Seonghwa asks as they wait for their dessert.“I remember, right at the start, before we even got remotely close, that you talked about your five year plan. You said that you didn’t have space for relationships.”

Yeosang goes so still Seonghwa worries he had said something irredeemable. 

“Shit, Sangie, don’t worry if you don’t want to tell me, it’s fine.I was just wondering, you know? But it’s your personal business and it’s not got anything to do with me.”

“No, no. Of course. Sorry, it just took me by surprise. I didn’t think you’d remember.”

“I died a little that day, you know? When you told me that you didn’t have time for relationships. I felt heavy and so sad but I thought that, even if you didn’t like me that way, I still wanted to be your friend, regardless.”

“And now look,” Yeosang responds softly.“Look what you did, Hwa. You broke down the walls I’ve been building for years and you just, brick by brick, word by word, unmade everything. I have been so scared. I was so scared right at the start, by the way I reacted to you.It was visceral and I have never, in all my life, felt that way around anyone.I worried that if I let you in, I’d be setting myself up for a fall but every time I saw you, you were just so fucking kind and sweet and sexy and a little bit of an ass, and you were so _honest_ with me by how much you liked me.I mean, you introduced me to all your friends.”

“You asked them to walk for you, Sangie,” he says and smiles.

“I did, yeah, but you were the bridge. You didn’t bother hiding me from them. They knew how much you liked me from the start, right?”

“Yeah, well.I told San and he’s the world’s biggest gossip.”

“San is perfect,” Yeosang says with a smile.“Don’t you dare be mean to our friend. _Our_ friends, Hwa.Because that’s what it feels like.For years it’s only been me and Woo, did you know that? I had no friends. I didn’t have time. I was too scared to let myself have that, that trust in anyone, I guess you can say.For as long as I’ve been alive, every time I trusted someone, I got fucked over.It’s been hard for me, Hwa. To trust again.”

Seonghwa swallows hard and he has to resist the urge to stand up and go around the small table to hug him.So instead he just folds his hand around his fingers and holds it tight.

“My five year plan was,” Yeosang smiles to himself.“To get myself free of Baek’s control entirely. I estimated that without my grandfather around my uncle would step up and be Chairman for the group and he would not let go of the position even if my grandfather made me heir.I would sell my uncle the shares I hold and I would walk away entirely and I’d take Jisung with me because nothing and no one would be able to stop me from doing that. We’ve only ever been an inconvenience to my aunt and uncle, anyway.They hate us for so many reasons, mostly because my grandfather looked at us to be the new heirs. I’d have started work as an in-house designer for a brand by then, of course. I don’t really care who for, as long as it meant making my own money. I don’t ever want to be referred to as Kang Yeosang, the grandson of Chairman Baek and everyone would think I am where I am because of who my family is.I want to stand on my own, as a designer and as someone who has something to offer the world.”

“It’s a good plan,” Seonghwa says.“I like it. I can see why you’d not want to get sidetracked by anyone.”

Yeosang snaps his gaze up to Seonghwa’s.“I don’t regret us, Hwa.Please, dear god, please don’t ever think that I regret us.”

“No, I don’t think you regret us.” Then he grins.“Maybe in the morning when neither of us can walk properly, you know, because of athletic sex, but right now? I don’t regret us either.”

Yeosang flushes a deep red and almost chokes on his sparkling water, making Seonghwa laugh.“I hate you, Hwa, what the fuck?”

The evening winds down and they decline dessert and tip Sangwong well before Yeosang tugs Seonghwa into the elevator and presses him up against the wall and kisses him thoroughly, breathlessly, his lips moving over the slender silver chain caught around Seonghwa’s neck.

“This is fucking killing me, Hwa,” he whispers, making full use of being the same height as his boyfriend.“Why does it turn me on so much?”

“Oh f-fuck, pretty thing, you gotta stop. I do not want a random boner walking through a hotel foyer,” Seonghwa groans but he leans his neck back to allow him more access and Yeosang gets his hands in his hair and _pulls_ and Seonghwa sees stars and his eyelids flutter.“There’s cameras, Sangie,” he mutters.“Fuck, there are cameras.”

“Don’t care,” Yeosang says, dragging his mouth along Seonghwa’s jaw.“Let them have a show.”

“Nofgh,” Seonghwa says, spinning them so that he can crowd Yeosang, his breathing ragged.“We have to stop, baby, come on.”

“Yeah, okay, okay.” Yeosang swallows and tears his gaze away from Seonghwa’s mouth.“I missed you so much.Thank you for tonight.”

“T-thank? You took me out on a date, Sangie,” he says, trying to smooth Yeosang’s hair a little. “I should be the one thanking you.”

“No, but you came out with me, you said yes.And you didn’t think I was being an asshole for bringing you here so,” Yeosang smiles at him.“Thank you.”

“God, you are so fucking cute. I love it when you do the little nose thing,” Seonghwa says, eyes on the panel counting down the floors.“Come on, cuteness. Time to pretend you didn’t just have your tongue down my throat.”

“They can be lucky it wasn’t something else down your throat,” Yeosang mutters darkly behind him, making Seonghwa literally trip over his own feet as they exit the lift carriage. He lets out a bright shocked laugh and Yeosang grins at him, innocent and bright.

***

Seonghwa is achy but in the best way possible.He watches Yeosang wander around his very tidy bedroom wearing only an oversized t-shirt, one of his, which makes Seonghwa feel growly with possessiveness, trying to find suitable work-out gear.

“Why don’t you tell the boys no?” Seonghwa pouts from the bed.“They go to gym every Saturday and sometimes in the week.”

“Because I told them I’d come this morning,” Yeosang mutters, holding up a pair of tracksuit bottoms. 

“But I want to come this morning too,” he says, shameless and Yeosang turns to stare at him, eyebrow raised.

“Again?”

“Well…” Seonghwa says, squirming a little.

Yeosang drops the tracksuit bottoms and stalks over to the bed and crawls up onto it, to straddle Seonghwa’s thighs.

“Really? Again?” He tilts his head and arches an eyebrow.“Park Seonghwa, you insatiable little vixen.”

“Well, maybe not _all_ the way just…” Seonghwa huffs a little.“Just maybe some kisses?”

“Hmm, kisses.I dunno, Hwa. You know what happens when we kiss.”

“The stars themselves sing.The moon cavorts across the sky. The sun beams brighter.Flowers do..whatever it is that flowers do.”

“Hmm,” Yeosang says, leaning close.“Hwa, baby, my love, my beautiful boy, I’ll call them and cancel if you really want me to.”

“What? No, Sangie, that’s just, no.I’m just kidding around, honestly. I just wanted you over here for some more kisses. Morning kisses is my favourite.”

Yeosang’s expression changes then and he props himself up on his arms over Seonghwa and kisses him teasingly and then he kisses him with intent until they’re both drunk and giggly.

“Okay, you can go now,” Seonghwa says.“Off, get off. Go get dressed. You’ve got like five minutes before they get here.”

“Fuck!” Yeosang jumps up and runs around the room and he’s in the shower and out, dressed in one of Seonghwa’s Chad vests leaving far too much skin on display and Seonghwa’s jaw gapes.

“When did I leave that here? I don’t think you should wear that.”

Yeosang looks at himself in his full length mirror, head tilted to the side consideringly. “What, why not? Do I look bad in it?” He turns sideways and flexes his biceps.“I mean, I’m not a muscle pig but I’m not skinny either.Should I change?”

“Yes,” Seonghwa says.Then. “No, fuck, no, don’t change it’s just you are really very fucking pretty.And you’re wearing my clothes and it makes me feel weird things inside.”

Yeosang turns to look at him in surprise.“What?”

“Yeah, it’s stupid.I don’t know.” Seonghwa’s blushing and he turns aside to avoid Yeosang’s sparkling eyes.“Don’t laugh at me, I swear to god, Sangie.”

“What, baby? What’s got you so riled up?”

“You.” Seonghwa says.“Only ever you. You wearing my clothes makes me feel possessive or something.”

“Oh,” Yeosang says, eyes wide.“That’s a thing for you, is it? Like a kink thing? Does it turn you on, Hwa? Knowing that I’m wearing your clothes, when I’m out and about, and people see and they know I belong to you?”

Seonghwa feels like Yeosang’s punched him because he has no breath. Yeosang is so close, his breath tickling his ear.

“Is that why you leave your marks on me? So everyone knows?” He grabs Seonghwa’s hand and presses it to his hip.“Here, you love biting me here, bruising me. And here, on the inside of my thigh, marking your territory.”

Seonghwa’s mind is a rush of noise and he’s nodding, eyes on Yeosang’s and he feels hot and shaky.

“I like it,” Yeosang whispers. “I like that I can press against this bruise and feel the bit of discomfort and I can remember vividly what we were doing when you gave it to me. And this,” he says, lifting his chin and pulling the tank top down a little so Seonghwa can see the bruise he left just below the clavicle.“Is when you came so hard in me last night you bit down and moaned so loud, Hwa. You said my name like it was something sacred, something secret.”

“Jesus fuck,” Seonghwa mutters, very quietly.“How do you even do this to me?”

The doorbell rings and they stay standing like that for a few long moments, just staring at one another, close and hot and completely gone for one another. Then Yeosang reluctantly moves back, out of reach.

“Gotta go,” he says and Seonghwa nods, following him out of the room.“Do I get to see you later?”

“Of course,” Seonghwa laughs a little but he feels weird.He’s still shaking.“We’re meeting you guys for a late brunch.Wooyoung’s arranged it.”

“And afterwards?”

“Whatever you want.”

“I like that,” Yeosang says, smiling and reaching up to kiss him.“Later, Hwa.”

Seonghwa watches him go and sits down heavily on Wooyoung and Yeosang’s couch and he tries to come to terms with the fact that he is utterly and irrevocably fucked and in love with a boy called Kang Yeosang and that he has no idea what his life would be like without Yeosang there to anchor him anymore.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Another,” Seonghwa gasps. “Another word you should never say around me.”
> 
> “What? Threesome?” 
> 
> “Kang Yeosang,” Seonghwa says, his tone a warning. 
> 
> ***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, HELLO! Thank you for waiting as I updated the fic. I got super heavy involved in my current novel I'm working on so the fic took a bit of a backseat. However, I'm back! And there's around 13k to keep you thirsty lot happy. 
> 
> Thanks for all the love, for the comments, for the kudos. It is so tremendously appreciated. It's like a little shot of happiness in the vein, you know? 
> 
> Also: how massively amazing are our boys??? The album dropped this week, the MV is FANTASTIC, the entire album is on bloody fire and I cannot wait for the albums to turn up in the UK. I have all three on order and I am so excited. Anyway. Happy streaming and now...onto the fic!

“I feel as if I’m a housewife and I’m waiting for my husband to come back from the war,” Hongjoong says.

They’re at the brunch place Wooyoung’s dragged them to. It’s sunny and the place is popular.They were early enough to grab two tables and were waiting for San, Yunho and Yeosang and, surprisingly, Mingi, to come back from gym.

Jongho openly laughs at Hongjoong’s dramatic ass and has to duck the packet of sugar he hurls at his head.“Next time we should all just head to the dance studio and get some extra practice in.Joongie has the key anyway.”

“Oh,” Hongjoong says, grinning.“Yeah, that’s a good idea.”

Wooyoung looks up from his phone and grimaces.“How much longer do we have to wait? They left like hours ago?”

“Shh, calm down, baby.Drink your ice latte,” Jongho says, distracting him with his drink and quick kiss on the cheek.“They’ll be here soon.”

“Ugh, I just want to get our summer plans sorted out, that’s all.” Wooyoung flashes his phone at the rest of the table.“My uncle’s camper van is on the fritz and needs some imported parts but he said he’d help us rent one for summer this year as we always pay for the service on his, so.”

“I still don’t know for sure what’s going on with me,” Seonghwa says.“Even if I get the new scholarship I think I should really find a summer job somewhere, even if it is stacking shelves or whatever.Just to make sure I’ve got extra income.”

“Hwa, honestly, that is the shittest thing.” Hongjoong leans across the table and flicks a finger at his forehead.“If you’re worried about food and stuff, I can cover it if we run short. As long as you pay towards rent and your classes are covered.”

“Bro,” Seonghwa says with a grin, mock fighting him. “That’s not it, though? I need money for other stuff too.”

“Don’t make plans, Hwa. Don’t do anything until you see the scholarship you’re being offered, okay?”

Hongjoong and Seonghwa had decided not to let the others know that the company offering the new scholarship was Yeosang’s family company.Not for anything, Seonghwa just didn’t want them all to know every single detail of his life.And Hongjoong, more than anyone got it.

“Ah,” Seonghwa says when he feels his phone vibrate and checks it.“They’ll be here in five minutes.”He catches the waitress’ eye and beckons her over.She picks up the menus and hands them over. 

“Eight of you, right?” She says, to make sure and Seonghwa nods at her.“I’ll be back once you’ve decided what you want.”

“She’s pretty,” Jongho says.“I like her hair colour.Should I dye my hair that colour?”

Everyone turns to look at the girl’s blue hair.She sees them staring and frowns at them before Seonghwa gestures to her hair and she laughs at them before turning back to the other waitress.

“It would suit you,” Wooyoung says.“Would your parents freak out?”

“Well, they won’t know about it because they won’t see me for all of summer.”

“Oh, yeah.” Wooyoung grins then, wide and wicked.“Do it. I’ll help you.”

They look over the menu options so that by the time the others arrived they’d know what they wanted.Seonghwa sat facing the door and was the first to see the four show up and he feels his heart stutter in his chest because they look…they fucking look like they’d been in a brawl.Hongjoong who is opposite him notices Seonghwa’s face go slack with shock.He twists around in his seat and sees Yunho and he lets out a gasp.

“What the fuck?”

“It’s not as bad as it looks,” Yunho says, holding up a hand before anyone can say anything.Seonghwa blanks everything out. His entire focus was on Yeosang. Yeosang who moved as if he hurt, but with a little bit of swagger.His lower lip was cut and he had a bruise forming just along his cheekbone.Everything inside Seonghwa stilled. He felt as if ice filled his veins and he forgot to breathe. This, this is what he feared, he realised.This is the fear that he never acknowledged, that something could genuinely happen to Yeosang. That he could be taken from him, easily, and hurt badly.

“What happened?” Seonghwa’s voice is a whisper, only audible to Yeosang because he stood so close. “Yeosang, what happened? Why are you hurt? Did something happen?”

Yeosang’s expression is one of confusion for a moment but then he catches on and he immediately reaches for Seonghwa, pulling him against his chest and torso, hugging him and pressing kisses to the crown of his head.

“Oh god, Hwa, no, nothing happened.We just got carried away at gym. I’m sorry, Jesus, I didn’t think.” He ran a tentative hand along Seonghwa’s jaw.“I’m fine, really, I’m totally fine. Just out of practice.I remembered not to block punches with my face too late.” His attempt at making a joke brought Seonghwa crashing down into reality.Seonghwa draws a long ragged breath, reminding himself that he had lungs and he focusses on Yeosang’s face bent over his.

“Fuck, Yeosang.”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I didn’t think it would freak you out so much.”

Seonghwa only manages to shake his head in answer.Yeosang slides past him and grabs the chair at his side.Everyone else is loud and talkative, making fun of bruises and cut lips, effectively creating a bubble for the two of them to talk.

“Hwa, god, I’m sorry, I’m okay, I swear I’m okay.”

“You bled, baby,” Seonghwa whispers.“Your lips is split.You look…” He stares down at his shaking hands and push them down into his lap.“Fuck, I’m sorry. It’s fine, don’t worry. I’m being overly dramatic.”

“No, don’t do this, don’t not talk to me and tell me you’re fine because you are obviously fucking not okay,” Yeosang mutters back, vehement.

“I just had a fright, that’s all, Sangie.That’s all. I swear it.”Seonghwa, from somewhere, manages to find a smile.“I’m sorry, I was just surprised.I don’t like seeing you hurt like this.”

“It was my fault,” San says, quietly, apologetically from opposite them, leaning forward and looking urgent.

“No,” Yeosang counters, easily.“It was my fault for being slow and not paying attention, San. Please, don’t defend me. I’m a big boy, I can handle it.”

Seonghwa catches San’s eyes and he sees true regret there.He lets himself smile again, this time a little easier.

“Okay, but tell me, did you at least punch him back?” He asks Yeosang and Yeosang lets out a little delighted laugh, momentarily forgetting the cut on his lip, and wincing.

“I did. I swiped his legs and he went down. It was satisfactory,” Yeosang says and he leans against Seonghwa, a hand effortlessly resting on his thigh.His proximity was helping Seonghwa wrestle his shock and fear into something he could handle and he listened as the four of them chattered eagerly about the morning at gym.

He catches Hongjoong’s eye a few times and he knows that Hongjoong understood where his fear was coming from.He would be stupid not to. 

“Can we go back to mine, afterwards?” Seonghwa asks Yeosang.“I have something for you.”

“Oooh, a present?” Yeosang bats his eyelashes flirtatiously, making Seonghwa laugh.“For me? What did I do to deserve such a good boyfriend?”

“Do you really want me to tell you?” Seonghwa rumbles, his gaze heavy on Yeosang’s lips, making Yeosang blush and fumble his menu.

“Park Seonghwa, stop flirting with him and let him choose his food. I’m starving,” Wooyoung orders him with a finger prodding in their direction. "And then we're talking about the summer holidays."

***

Yeosang is up and in his lap the moment he shoves into his apartment and Seonghwa is laughing, obediently catching him and walking him to the lounge and dropping him, squawking with indignation, onto the couch.

“Stay,” he tells him.“Close your eyes.”

“Ugh,” Yeosang mutters and squirms a little, looking too adorable.He’s wearing Seonghwa’s cut-off jeans again and they have held up remarkably well. He’s paired it with a dark grey t-shirt today and Seonghwa loves the way it fits him just a little more snugly than usual.

He heads to his room and soon comes back with two small velvet boxes.He feels ridiculous doing this but he’s determined.After Hongjoong had talked to him about it, he decided to just go for it. 

“So, still keep your eyes closed, please baby. I have something to say.” He sits down next to Yeosang who immediately, still with his eyes closed, turns to face him.“This would never have occurred to me, pretty thing.And I know that if you squint it’s going to maybe look like something it isn’t, but honestly…”

“Hwa, calm down.Whatever this is, it’s fine.Just tell me.”

“Okay,” Seonghwa took a breath.He snapped open the first box. “Open your eyes.”

Yeosang opened them, a bit wary and then his jaw drops.“What is this, Hwa?”

“It’s silly, I know.They’re friendship bracelets.” He opens his to show Yeosang.“See? Yours is black, mine is dark blue.”

He watches as Yeosang’s fingers tremble over the slender rope bracelet, his eyes wide.His gaze whips to Seonghwa’s, still wide and surprised.

“I love it?”

“Do you?” Seonghwa counters, turning his shoulder into the little smack he gets for his teasing. “I chose the charms.It took forever and in the end we just went to our friendly neighbour jeweller and she cast them for me.”

Yeosang lifts his bracelet out and admires the solid silver puzzle piece charm tied between the two pieces of rope.He looks closely at it then turns to look at Seonghwa. 

“Hwa, this is too fucking cute for words, oh my god,” he whispers. 

“So,” Seonghwa says again, nervously, lifting his up for him to inspect.“This is mine?”

Yeosang tips the puzzle piece towards him and blinks in surprise.“This is so cute, Hwa? You did this?”

“They’re so sweet, aren’t they?” Seonghwa can't help but look pleased.“They’re only two puzzle pieces, but they fit together. And it’s so silly, I know, and so fucking sappy, but when we’re together, we just fit so well. I feel like I belong somewhere. It feels like, when I’m with you, that I’m a whole person.”He swallows with difficulty, hating that he was being this guy, this emotional, with Yeosang staring at him with eyes too wide, too understanding.“But the thing is, Sangie, they’re not just cute friendship bracelets.”

Yeosang looks between them curiously, then tilts his head a little.

“Oh?”

“Before you put it on, Sangie…” Seonghwa rubbed his face.“God, this is going to sound so fucking weird. I’m sorry.”

“Hwa, just talk to me? I’m right here.”

“Hongjoong mentioned, I think jokingly at first, that he wanted to make sure I didn’t disappear without anyone knowing where I was.And then the idea took hold…and I thought it through and I agreed with him but not,” he breathed, closing his eyes.“God I’m fucking mangling this up. I agreed with him but not for me, for you.I can’t bear the thought of you disappearing, of you being taken. I would lose my mind, completely, if anything happened to you.”

Seonghwa realises he’s shaking when Yeosang wraps both hands around his and presses kisses to his cheek. 

“It’s fine, it’s okay.I’m not going anywhere, Hwa.Not without a fight,” Yeosang reassures him but Seonghwa just shakes his head. 

“We don’t know, Sangie.It’s happened before, we can’t take that risk.”Seonghwa feels awful, saying those words, seeing how Yeosang stills, how his eyes go wide. “Which is why I had these made, for us.They just look like jewellery but they actually have tracking chips installed.”

Seonghwa fingers the little bracelet.“I know, it’s probably too much.I know it may look like I’m trying to control you, or whatever.Like, maybe I want to see what you’re doing and where you’re going, but I swear to god that’s not it.” He bites his lip.“It’s dumb, right? Too much? Like, I’m overthinking everything and it’s fine, everything is fine, right?”

“No,” Yeosang says and then he’s pushing Seonghwa back against the couch and swinging his leg over his thighs and settling himself down in his lap, still holding the little velvet box.“No, it’s none of those things, at all.It’s clever and sweet and so fucking thoughtful, Hwa. Like, it’s fucking stupidly clever and I love it, and I love you and this is all just too much?”

“You’re not freaked out? You don’t think I’m being some kind of weird stalker boyfriend wanting to keep tabs on you?”

“No, of course not.But it goes both ways, right?” Yeosang sasses back, his eyes very bright.“I can keep track of you too.”

He fiddles with the bracelet before passing it to Seonghwa.“Put it on me,” he tells him. 

Seonghwa adjusts the length of the cord and slips it onto his wrist.“There,” he says.“Now no one can steal you away from me.”

“Let me do yours?”

Seonghwa hands his to Yeosang and watches those slender nimble fingers slip the bracelet around his wrist and tighten it.

“There, now we match,” he says, softly, pressing their wrists together.

Seonghwa smiles a little at that and takes a deep breath, settling his hands on Yeosang’s hips. “Are you okay with this, pretty thing? Are you okay that I’ve done this?”

“Hwa,” Yeosang says, his expression serious, his pretty lips pressed into a thin line. “I understand why you did this and honestly? It is the most caring, most thoughtful, most endearing thing anyone has ever done for me.”

“But, I’ve just tagged you, like you’re a pet,” Seonghwa mutters, flushing.

“Hmm,” Yeosang says, squirming a little in his lap.“A pet, hmm? That’s kinda kinky. I like it.”

Seonghwa groans at his boyfriend’s antics. “I feel like you’re not taking this seriously, at all.”

Yeosang drapes both arms around his neck and rolls his hips lightly. 

“I’m being serious,” he whispers, catching Seonghwa’s lobe between his teeth and biting lightly.“Can you tell I’m being serious?”

“Not sure, I think you have to convince me some more,” Seonghwa whispers back, earning him a harder bite and he groans out loud, his hands tightening on Yeosang’s hips, pulling him impossibly closer.

“Fuck,” Yeosang mutters and Seonghwa hums his agreement. 

“When I’m with you I turn into a horny teenager,” Yeosang tells him, earnestly, rolling down on his lap, brushing their hips together, his eyes tracking the movement.“It literally feels like my skin is on fire. Like, if I don’t let you fuck me I may die.”

“You sure, baby? You were sore this morning,” Seonghwa is trying not to maul his boyfriend as he rocks in his lap. “And you got hurt at gym this morning.”

“It’s fine, pain is just weakness leaving the body,” Yeosang mutters against his neck.

“That is such toxic masculinity bullshit,” Seonghwa huffs back and Yeosang cants his head to the side a little, staring down at him.“What?”

“Are you not into this or…?”

As an answer Seonghwa lifts and spins them so that Yeosang is lying beneath him, stretched out on the couch, with Seonghwa between his legs. 

“Baby, I’m so into this, but I’m aware you’re hurt.But I’m happy to get you off if you’d let me?”

Yeosang’s smile is devilish.He tugs at Seonghwa’s hair, runs his hand down his jaw, his thumb coming to rest against Seonghwa’s full bottom lip.

“You going to blow me?”

“No,” Seonghwa says.“I’m going to swallow you down, and suck your pretty cock, and I’m going to watch you become a writhing mess under me. If you’d let me?”

“Oh fuck, yes please and thank you!”

Seonghwa spends several minutes just kissing Yeosang, losing himself in his soft moans, the taste and feel of him beneath him.Keeping them both almost fully dressed, he works his way down Yeosang’s lithe body, yanking his jeans down just far enough to give him access to his underwear. He hums happily when he slides his hand down between them and thumbs Yeosang’s slit, making him gasp. 

“Love the noises you make,” Seonghwa mutters, letting go and pulling his underwear down far enough to let his cock jump free.“It’s addictive.”

He brings his hand up again, changes his mind and holds it up to Yeosang.“Lick,” he instructs and Yeosang complies, eyes heavy, lips swollen.“Good boy,” he praises before dropping his hand back down to Yeosang’s length, wrapping his hand around him and jerking him off slowly, adding a twist near the head, punching another moan out of him.

“Holy…Hwa, just.” Yeosang arches off the couch, clearing it by a good 20 centimetres and Seonghwa takes the opportunity to pull him up like that, by his hips, suspending Yeosang a little.He gets his mouth on him and his mind goes blank when Yeosang drops both his hands backwards, doing half a handstand, curving his upper body backwards.

Seonghwa drags his mouth back up his hard length and breathes out an amazed ‘fuck’ at Yeosang’s pose, before he coaxes him back down onto the couch again.Yeosang looks gone, his face is flushed and his t-shirt has ridden high up his chest and he looks, Seonghwa decides with great satisfaction, ready to be fucked. 

“Colour?” Seonghwa asks, pressing a kiss to Yeosang’s elegant neck.“I want you so badly but we stop if you don’t want to.So tell me the colour, baby.”

“Green, green, fuck, all the way green, please,” he tells him, breathless and Seonghwa grins.

He finds the lube and condoms they keep in the small drawer of the tv cabinet and works on opening Yeosang up properly, relishing how Yeosang lets his legs fall open the moment Seonghwa breaches his rim with his middle finger, not taking it slow or careful, having gotten to know what Yeosang likes. By the time he’s three fingers deep, Yeosang is moaning steadily, biting his wrist and gasping, tears running down his face.Seonghwa takes pity on him, smooths his hands over his body, pressing soft calming kissing against his neck, shoulders, down his chest, over his stomach, careful of his ribs that seem tender to the touch, further down, sucking him into his mouth again, addicted to the feel of Yeosang, the taste of him.

“C’mon, c’mon,” Yeosang whispers, his eyes shining.“Get in me, fuck me.”

“Whatever you want,” Seonghwa agrees, ripping the condom open with his teeth, making Yeosang hiss in annoyance. He slaps Yeosang’s ass lightly.“Don’t you dare hiss at me.”

Yeosang’s eyes flares at the light slap and Seonghwa tilts his head a little.

“Oho, what’s this?” His hands still on himself, condom rolled halfway down. He knows Yeosang enjoys the occasional bit of handsiness and he’s never one to shy away from a little bit of pain, but the way Yeosang just reacted, tightened the knot of arousal in his stomach.“You liked that, pretty thing?”

“You know I do,” Yeosang answers, his voice a soft low whine.“You know I fucking like anything you do.”

“Come up here,” Seonghwa says, hauling him upright.They’re still both almost fully dressed and its difficult, but they manage.Yeosang pushes his pants and underwear down a little further so he can spread his legs to settle in Seonghwa’s lap properly, but Seonghwa has other ideas, stopping him completely with a hand on the hip.“Sit on me,” he tells Yeosang.“Like this, sink yourself down on me.”

Yeosang’s eyes widen and he nods mutely, lining himself up, and with Seonghwa’s steadying hands helping, one at the base of his cock, the other on Yeosang’s hip, he sinks down fully, taking every inch Seonghwa had to offer.

“Fuck,” he mutters, letting his head drop forward.“Why is this so hot?”

“Yeah, it is,” Seonghwa agrees. “So hot.”

Yeosang stays like that for a few heartbeats, adjusting to Seonghwa, before he sits back a little. 

“Ready?” He quirks an eyebrow.

“Yes.”

Seonghwa loves this. Loves watching Yeosang in his lap, writhing like this, the way he rolls his hips, the way he arches his back, the way his eyes are dark, his lashes fanning over his high cheekbones when his eyelids flutter.Mostly he loves the noises Yeosang makes as he fuck himself on Seonghwa, the way he responds to Seonghwa kissing him, the way he merely exists, like he was made to be Seonghwa’s own personal sex toy. 

Seonghwa spreads his legs a little wider as he thrusts up into Yeosang, and it earns him a dazed look and a half smirk, which he really likes the look of.Steadying his legs and solidifying his core, Seonghwa moves his right hand to Yeosang’s hard length and gives him a few strokes.His t-shirt is in the way but Seonghwa thinks it looks fucking sexy, jerking his boyfriend off, with his hand underneath his t-shirt.But then he gets impatient and lifts the hem with his left hand and if he accidentally drags his nails along Yeosang’s midriff then who can say different.He doesn’t miss the hitch in Yeosang’s breath at the sudden pain and tamps down on that flare of arousal, because right now, he has something else in mind. 

“Bite,” he instructs Yeosang, holding the fabric out to him and Yeosang obediently bites down on his t-shirt, allowing Seonghwa access to his bared chest and torso.“You’re being so good, pretty thing.” He bites down on Yeosang’s left nipple. It earns him a shocked gasp and he laps his tongue over it, keeping his other hand lightly wrapped around Yeosang’s cock.Yeosang’s movements have slowed down a little and he seems very interested in what Seonghwa is doing with his mouth against his skin and when Seonghwa looks up at him questioningly, Yeosang blushes.He fucking blushes and tries to look away but Seonghwa catches his chin with his thumb and forefinger. 

“What?”

“I like seeing you,” Yeosang says, soft.“I like watching you kiss me. I like seeing you disappear into me this way.”

“Oh,” he says, eloquent.“Fuck.Up, get up, right now.”

“What?” Yeosang moans but Seonghwa slaps his ass again. 

“I can’t believe I didn’t think of this before,” Seonghwa mutters.He kicks off his own trousers once Yeosang is standing, a little wobbly, in front of him.

“I don’t understand,” he mutters in pout but Seonghwa just grins at him. 

“You won’t regret it, I swear.”

And then he pulls him into his room, makes him stand at the edge of the bed and sweeps the clothes hanging off the back of his door onto the floor and Yeosang’s eyes widen.

“You are a fucking genius,” he says, a delighted grin on his face.“Fuck me, Hwa, come on.Fuck me like you mean it.”

And Seonghwa does and he almost loses his mind watching Yeosang in the mirror as he fucks him, bends him nearly in half, rendering them both almost senseless as he thrusts into him at an unrelenting pace.

“Look at you,” Seonghwa tells him.“This is what I see when I fuck you.Look at yourself, pretty thing.” He reaches up and pulls Yeosang’s head up a little so he can watch them in the mirror.“Look how good you’re being for me. Fuck, you feel so good around me, baby.”

“M-ore,” Yeosang stutters out.“Tell me more, Hwa, fuck, please.”

Seonghwa watches Yeosang in the mirror, sees the naked need in his eyes and he drops his head to his shoulder and kisses the skin there, pressing his lips to his neck. 

“I love you,” he whispers.“I love having you like this, needy, so fucking needy and loud. So fuckable, letting me fill you up.” He leans up and gets both his hands on Yeosang’s ass, spreading his cheeks wide and thrusting in, lazy, confident, dragging himself over the little nub of nerves that makes Yeosang choke out a sob.“Are you watching, pretty thing? Do you see how you’re coming apart for me? So hot, fuck, so fucking sexy and mine.” As he says ‘ _mine’_ he pushes in deep with a sharp snap of his hips, a growl forming low in his throat.“Are you? Yeosang, who do you belong to?”

“Y-essss,” Yeosang gasp-sobs, nodding, his eyes finding Seonghwa’s in the mirror, tears on his cheeks.“You, yours, just yours.”

“Good, good boy.God you’re so pretty,” Seonghwa finds himself lost in fucking into Yeosang. He reaches a hand around and wraps his hand around him and starts jerking him off.Yeosang moans, pushing his hips forward into Seonghwa’s hand, the grip almost not enough to get him off, but Seonghwa knows how this goes. The more he teases Yeosang, the more riled up he gets and he starts fucking himself back against Seonghwa, harder with each thrust, snapping his hips forward and Seonghwa incrementally tightens his grip around him, making a mess of him, rubbing lube and his own fluids over his hard length. It’s noisy and messy and so fucking perfect.

Yeosang is a shuddering mess underneath him and Seonghwa relishes this feeling. His eyes are on Yeosang in the mirror, watching how his lover arches his back, throws his head back, elongates his neck and lets out the most sinfully low moan that lures Seonghwa on the path of his own orgasm.

“Fuck, Hwa, baby,” Yeosang moans.“I’m so close, so close.”

“I can feel you shaking,” Seonghwa whispers against his ear.“Let me help you.”

He adjusts himself slightly, pressing a little lower and down on Yeosang’s back with one hand, jerking him off with the other. Then he starts a fresh new onslaught that has him seeing stars as Yeosang outright loses his shit beneath him as he hits his prostate over and over with each push and drag of his cock. Yeosang comes hard and Seonghwa pulls his head back so he can watch his expression in the mirror and that’s when his own orgasm hits him, hard and fast and his knees buckle as he bends himself over Yeosang with a low moaning whimper.

He does his best not to collapse onto Yeosang with his full weight and instead gently taps his hip to warn him and pulls out carefully, with a sigh, and ties the condom off, tossing it towards the bin.Then only does he topple sideways, scooting far to the side and tugging Yeosang with him.

“Wet spot,” Yeosang mutters with a grimace, pulling his shirt up and over his head and tossing it somewhere on the floor before he turns fully towards Seonghwa and lies down at his side, his breathing evening out.

Seonghwa smiles down at him, brushing his hair out of Yeosang’s eyes.

“Hey, you okay?”

“I just orgasmed so hard I think I saw my life flash before my eyes,” Yeosang says with a grin, making Seonghwa bark out a surprised laugh. “So yeah, I guess I’m okay.”

“Brat,” Seonghwa mutters, kissing him.

“Hmm, you like it though,” Yeosang counters.He holds up his arm, letting it dangle in the air,to admire the bracelet.“I love this, Hwa. I know it’s a security measure and whatever, but, I just, I really love it. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.I’m relieved you like it. There’s an app that we need to download and get the chip synched to it.”

“Dating in the 21st century?” Yeosang says in a robotic voice, making cute robot moves completely spoiled by the fact that he was naked and looked super cute.

“God, you kill me dead, pretty thing.Come on, let’s get cleaned up.”

“Can’t moooooooove,” Yeosang complains, dramatically, dropping back against the pillows. “I hurt everywhere, Hwa.” The pout he sends Seonghwa is so massive, Seonghwa finds himself laughing.

“If I carry you?”

“Maybe I can manage to hold myself up in the shower,” Yeosang says, with a sigh, heavily batting his lashes. “Maybe.”

Seonghwa slides off the bed and grabs Yeosang by the ankle, pulling him towards the edge of the bed, ignoring the outraged squawk at being manhandled, and lifts him in a fireman lift over his shoulder and walks them both to the shower. 

They have a relatively short shower, for them anyway.There’s a lot of kissing and soft gasps but it’s when Seonghwa turns Yeosang to the side to rinse soap away from his sides that he sees the bruise on his ribs properly.

“What the fuck were you doing? And you made me go hard at you earlier, fuck, Yeosang.”

Yeosang shrugs, lifting an arm to try and peer down at himself.“I can’t see anything, Hwa. I’m fine, I told you I’m fine.”

“You don’t look fucking fine, you look like you’re in an abusive relationship,” Seonghwa mutters, annoyed.“You’re not training with those assholes until this is gone. And this,” he says, touching Yeosang’s lip gently. “And no crazy acrobatic sex, okay?”

“So bossy,” Yeosang says, lightly biting his bottom lip and pressing forward so that he can push Seonghwa back against the tiles.“I like it, even if you are dooming me to vanilla sex.”

“It’s either vanilla sex or no sex at all,” Seonghwa warns him, momentarily distracted by how the water is running down Yeosang’s shoulders and over his chest, going lower.He snaps his eyes up to meet his.“I’m not even joking.”

“Fine, godddddd,” Yeosang rolls his eyes at him.“Such a spoilsport.”

He lets out a little yelp when Seonghwa gives his ass a little pat that cracks louder than it normally would have because of his damp skin and he grabs Seonghwa’s wrist. 

“Don’t tease if you’re not going to follow through.”

Seonghwa grins and kisses him.“Maybe next time you top?”

Yeosang’s eyes flutter the grin that spreads across his face is wide and wicked.“I’d like that.”

They finish up and Seonghwa pulls out clothes for them both, before they head back to the lounge.Seonghwa finds Yeosang some anti-inflammatories he keeps for himself for after heavy sessions of dance class when everything hurts and his ankle gives him trouble.

They eventually manage to find something to watch on Netflix and spend time cuddling on the couch, not talking about anything much, and just relaxing.Yeosang plays with their bracelets and when Seonghwa peers down at him, he sees the small little smile on his face.

“You look happy,” he whispers, like he’s sharing a big secret.

“I am. I’m really happy, right now, here, like this.I missed you. Let’s never do that again.I can’t stay away from you for that long ever again,” he replies, soft but fierce. “I know it’s fast, I know it’s a lot and I just don’t care, Hwa. I’ve been alone all my life and I want this.I want _us_.”

“Hey,” Seonghwa tilts his chin towards him.“I want us too. It’s okay, I’m not going anywhere. Not now, not for a long time, hopefully.”

“Okay.”

“Okay, now. Watch the movie and stop being distracting.”

“It’s a tv show.”

“I thought it was a movie.”

Yeosang hums softly, sliding further down Seonghwa’s side until he lay with his head in his lap, playing with Seonghwa’s fingers until he drifts off.

They make dinner and when Hongjoong and Yunho turn up, they have an impromptu movie night with popcorn, snacks and lots of laughter and tangents.Hongjoong spots the bracelets and winks at Seonghwa, quietly holding Yunho’s wrist up for him to see the thicker paracord bracelet with the personalised tag attached and Seonghwa smiles back but he feels odd, that this is their reality. That they both had to tag the men they loved to keep them safe.What kind of life is that?

***

Seonghwa thought about that a lot over the next week.About his life, about Yeosang, about their future together, and if they even had one. He signed the new scholarship papers along with all the other students who’d lost theirs.The university made a big fuss about it and had a photographer there, had invited some other alumni, and Miss Angie and some members of Kang’s board turned up to drink champagne and mingle.She, of course, singles out Seonghwa and drags him with her so that they can speak privately.

“He is _pissed_ ,” she says, quietly and looking very pleased with herself.She dressed in a pair of high waisted black trousers and a cream blouse that has ruffles down the front.She has on the highest heels Seonghwa had ever seen and he marvels at how she didn’t just topple over but she is rock steady on both feet and meets his gaze levelly. “My informant tells me Baek locked himself in his office for most of the day when he was told about the scholarship.”

“You are getting far too much joy from this,” Seonghwa says, taking a sip of the champagne but it is rank and he pulls a face. 

“No, don’t do that and don’t put it down.As soon as you give any indication that you’re done with your drink, you will be offered more. And you need to keep your wits about you,” she admonishes around a sweet smile.“Now smile and nod at me.Sip your champagne like this.”She raises her flute and tilts the liquid against her lips.“See, and then smile and talk and no one will know you’re dying inside.”

“Why are you doing this?”

“I’m teaching you, like I’ve taught Yeosang.There are some things young men ought to learn before they head out into the wide world. And knowing how to glad-hand at events like this and to not get drunk on cheap champagne is important.Are you listening? Don’t ever get drunk at events like this.You can’t afford to. Wolves prey on the weak and the vultures pick the bones clean.”

Seonghwa smiles at her, nods, tips his glass to his lips but doesn’t drink. 

“Yeosang told me that you took care of him for a year,” Seonghwa says and her eyes widen in surprise.

“He told you that? About what happened and why I interfered?”

“Hmm, he told me most of it. I’m sure there’s stuff he didn’t want to share, but that’s okay.The fact he shared that with me, means a lot. I wanted to thank you, though.”

“What for?”

“For being there for him,” Seonghwa replies, simply.“If you hadn’t interfered, who knows what would have happened to him.”

“Listen, Seonghwa,” Miss Angie drew him further away from the impromptu, awkward, academic party going on around them in the dean’s adjoining meeting room.“Do not underestimate them, at all.They lied to me for years, telling me Yeosang was doing well, thriving, that Jisung was doing well and thriving. They kept me away from them for years. I had to get protective services involved and lawyers, to get to see Yeosang after the whole kidnapping ordeal.It was,” she closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose.“It was fucking awful, you can’t imagine.You cannot imagine what it was like seeing Yeosang lying in that hospital bed, hooked up to machines, looking like he was one breath away from death.I aged fifty years that day. I wake up at night remembering it and I cry, because it feels like I have betrayed my two best friends for not looking after their son.”

“Miss Angie, I’m sure that-,” Seonghwa says but she waves him off.

“No, don’t.Don’t give me platitudes. I did screw up. I didn’t try hard enough, I believed the photos they sent me, the report cards, and I went ahead and managed Kang Industries. I was travelling a lot because we were setting up factories in Chengdu and getting a foothold in Japan and thinking about kids wasn’t my top priority.I mean, what do I know about kids? I never had my own, and all I knew what to do is drink hard, swear and outgun every man I ever came across in a boardroom.That was my life, for years.But then someone called me and told me that Yeosang had been kidnapped by some, some _bastard_ , and that he was in hospital and my entire world came to an end.”

Seonghwa watches her, mesmerised by how passionate she was, horrified by her story, having only heard part of it from Yeosang.

“I got to the hospital and I found him.The room was bare.No flowers, no cards, no toys, nothing.Jisung didn’t even know what had happened to his older brother.No one told him about any of it, which, admittedly, was a good thing because he knew the bastard who had taken Yeosang too, and honestly, the kid didn’t deserve to know.So I speak to the doctors and the nurses and they tell me that Yeosang had been there for a week and that no one had come to see him.That he had been admitted to a private ward, a private room, and that they were taking good care of him and how they were surprised that no policemen had come round to talk to him, because obviously, he had been in some kind of accident?”She grips his arm, hard.“Seonghwa, no one came to see him.He was fourteen years old.He was a fucking child and no one was there for him.That’s when I knew things were very badly wrong.So I fought Baek.I went to his office and I fought him to get Yeosang.I got him for a year.I took him away and I made sure he knew he was loved and appreciated but the damage was already done and it’s my fault for being so concerned about his father’s company, I forgot that he was there too.”

“Miss Angie, please, it’s honestly not your fault.How can you say that? How can you have known anything was off about how they treated him? Jesus, they are his _family_. He told me about his aunt and uncle abandoning him in Europe, letting his security guards go, whilst they went about their business of making deals and whatever. He was what, eleven? How can adults do that to a child? They are reprehensible.”

Miss Angie swallows down her anger at his words.

“I know, he told me in the end.You can imagine that I wanted to raise absolute hell but he told me not to.Told me they’d take it out on him if they knew he told me.But he made me interfere with Jisung.He made me swear to look after his little brother, and I have, as much as I could. I’m not family, and I’m not legally allowed anything but I make deals with Baek, that benefit us both, so that I can continue supervising Jisung’s education.”

Seonghwa couldn’t even pretend to care about the drink in his hand anymore. He placed it down on the nearest flat surface, grabbed her hand and pulled her out of the little reception after bowing their thanks to the dean, the other directors.

“Where are we going?” She demanded, keeping up with his long strides.

“To get drunk,” he growls and she looks delighted.

“Excellent. I’ll get everyone to join us,” she says decisively pulling out her phone. 

And that’s how they all ended up at a bar near campus, at two in the morning, playing darts and pool, with Miss Angie sitting in a booth like a Mafia Don, holding court.

***

They have their first fight, proper shouting fight, because Seonghwa is stressed about finals and Yeosang is stressed and tired because of his fashion show that’s looming a few days away. The silence that descends in the empty theatre as they have their stand-off is monumental. Wooyoung gets hold of the others and they disappear backstage.

“Do _not_ raise your voice to me,” Yeosang hisses, visibly shaking.“I am your boyfriend not some fucking jackass on the street.”

“You are being absolutely impossible!” Seonghwa paces on the stage in front of him.“We’ve been practicing all day already.Everyone is fucking tired. We have more than a week left to nail this.”

“No,” Yeosang says.“We don’t, Hwa. We don’t have a week to nail this. We have three days.This is my _life_ , hanging off of your shoulders and ass.If you guys fuck up this show, I might as well kiss everything I’ve worked for goodbye.”

“Well, making us practice endless walks, poses and shouting at us like we’re imbeciles is not the way to encourage us to do things,” Seonghwa tells him, running his hands through his hair.“We’re all tired, okay? You are fucking exhausted.Look at you.When last did you actually sleep or eat something that wasn’t just instant ramen, Sangie? Huh? What the fuck is going on? I know this is important to you.We are fucking aware of how important this is for you.Just cut us some slack, yeah?”

“I can’t,” Yeosang whispers, his eyes huge in his face that is too pale and full of strain.“I can’t do this. It’s a fucking disaster. It’s all shit.Oh fuck me, why did I even bother?” He sinks down on one of the chairs, legs sprawled out, hair a mess, his expression hopeless.

Seonghwa catches himself, looks at Yeosang properly.Past what he thinks he’s seeing and he sees something else there, something he had not really seen before and he goes cold.He walks to the edge of the stage and crouches down. 

“Kang Yeosang,” he says, using his name, putting intent behind it. It works and he gets Yeosang’s eyes on him. “Are you really picking a fight because of the show or is there something else going on?”

When he doesn’t answer him, Seonghwa swears under his breath, gets up and walks to the stairs at the side of the stage.He picks his way through the seats, giving Yeosang time to make a run for it if he wants to, but he stays sitting, legs sprawled, expression cold.

“So,” Seonghwa says, sitting down next to him.“What is really going on, right now? Because this, the way you’ve been acting today, is not you.”

“You don’t know me,” Yeosang shoots back.“You can’t possibly know all my moods.”

“I am pretty confident I know a great many of your moods and I can deal with them. But right now? You’re being pissy and unreasonable.You walked in here with a face like thunder and it’s just gotten worse and worse.”

“I really don’t appreciate your tone,” Yeosang says, voice level.“Or the lecture.”

“Oh, trust me, this isn’t a lecture.It’s not even close.This is me telling you, you are being unreasonable and you are not acting like the man I’ve fallen in love with.There is something going on and you need to tell me what it is so that we can figure it out.”

Yeosang purses his lips, gaze unwavering on the stage.Seonghwa shrugs and settles at his side, crosses his arms and leans his head back with a little groan.

“It’s nine. At night, Yeosang.Let’s go home.”

“No, I can’t. I’ve got too much to do.”

“Like what?”

“I have to check the clothes the guys wore tonight to make sure nothing’s been damaged.”

“That’s take ten minutes. I’ll help you tomorrow.”

“Seonghwa, please.”

“Yeosang, please.”

“Don’t mock me.”

Seonghwa sits upright so fast he startles Yeosang.Then, still moving, he gets up and swings his leg over Yeosang’s lap and straddles him, caging his thighs with his. 

“What.” A drag of his nose along his jaw.

“Is.” Lips pressed to his ear.

“Going.” Teeth worrying the lobe lightly.

“On.” Daintiest kitten lick behind his ear earning him a shudder.

“Today.” A press of his lips to the corner of his mouth where that secret smile hides.

“Are you trying to seduce me out of my bad mood?”

“I’m not. Is it working?”

Yeosang stares at him, hard. His face expressionless.

“Does it look like it’s working?”

“Baby,” Seonghwa whispers.“Beautiful boy, my pretty thing, my hot little piece of ass, love of my life, peanut butter to my jelly, fucking talk to me before I lose my mind.What is going on?”

“Nothing you can help with, Hwa.I’m tired.Let me up so I can go apologise to the guys for being a dick.”

Seonghwa hesitates for a minute longer before he gets up and Yeosang brushes past him. He follows him backstage to where everyone is in the process of changing clothes.They’ve carefully hung up their selected outfits as outlined by Yeosang, tags with names on each hanger.They all look up when the changing room door opens and Yeosang and Seonghwa walk in. Seonghwa passes Yeosang and walks to where his set of hangers are and starts to slowly strip Yeosang’s designs off, careful of them, hanging each item up.

“I have been a complete asshole to you guys, and I’m sorry.” Yeosang stares at each of them in turn.“I had no business shouting at you. You guys look amazing. You make my clothes look fantastic.And I’m sorry I was a raging bitch.I’m just really anxious about all of this.” He draws a deep breath.“Look, I’ll make it up to you guys.After the show on Saturday night I’m taking you all out for dinner.Somewhere disgustingly expensive and fancy.”

Seonghwa watches his friends, sees that they’re not really angry at Yeosang.He sees that they also realise he’s out of sorts and it’s not just about the show.San is the first one to speak up. 

“Like, how fancy are we talking? No trainers kind of fancy?”

“Definitely no trainers and no tracksuits,” Yeosang says, a hint of a smile.“But you’ll be with me so, you can probably get away with it.”

And they swarm him then and he smiles at them and he accepts being pushed around a little, the noise not really bothering him.But in the midst of their joking, he catches Seonghwa’s eye as he shrugs his shirt on and Seonghwa can see the laughter doesn’t reach his eyes.Instead there’s a darkness there that threatens to pull his boy down down down.

The custodian locks the theatre up behind them and they all thank him profusely, and head their separate ways.Yeosang dawdles, skateboard under his arm as he waits for Seonghwa who had, under Yeosang’s supervision, packed all the clothes very carefully into a large suitcase. He drags it behind him on wheels.

Seonghwa doesn’t say anything. He waits for Yeosang to drop his board before he starts walking, Yeosang skating at his side, silent.

It’s still hot. Every day seems hotter with no break in sight.All of Seoul is struggling to breathe.There were reports on the news of an escalation in violence and crime throughout the city and Seonghwa loves summer, he loves all the seasons, but this cloying heat that feels thick and heavy against his skin, clogging his head, is too much.

He does his utmost not to twist his body towards Yeosang, to ask questions.Yeosang did not do well under badgering and got more and more sulky with each badger, so Seonghwa let it go.Yeosang didn’t sulk often, but when he did he did a good job of it. Seonghwa didn’t expect more conversation. A sulky Yeosang was a better texter than he was a talker, so he made peace with pulling the world’s heaviest fucking bag full of his boyfriend’s end of term clothes as they walk along in silence.

“Today is the anniversary of my parents’ death,” Yeosang says, suddenly, out of the blue, after several minutes of walking silently side by side.“So this week is extra stressful for me.It’s not just the show.”

“Oh fuck, I had no idea,” Seonghwa whispers, aghast. He stops and stares at Yeosang. “And I yelled at you.”

“I yelled back. I was a dick.”

“Yeah but,” Seonghwa starts but Yeosang just shakes his head.

“No, I should have said something, I’m sorry. I fucked up.”

“Shut up.Come here.” Seonghwa reaches towards him and Yeosang jumps off his board and came forward, a little reluctantly and a little shamefacedly.

Seonghwa wraps both arms around him, drawing him close. 

“I’m sorry, baby.I really am.”

“It’s okay, thank you.”

“Don’t thank me, Sangie.I’m just…please tell me shit like this so I know what’s going on? We always talk, we’re good at talking.”

“And sex,” Yeosang reminds him, as if he could forget. “We’re good at sex too.”

“And sex, of course. Talking and sex, that’s us.” Seonghwa smiles against his temple.“Promise me you’ll tell me stuff like this from now on?”

“Yes, of course, Hwa.I’m sorry, I’m just still not used to talking about this stuff, you know? Not with you, anyway. I had a session with my therapist this morning. It’s a standing appointment.I spoke to Jisung today too.He’s taken the day off school and we FaceTimed for over an hour. I visited their graveside early this morning. I brought my mum flowers and my dad some of the expensive Japanese whisky he liked so much.I sent Jisung the photos and we cried a little. It was all very dramatic.”

Seonghwa’s heart ached.“I hate that you guys aren’t together on a day like today of all days.”

“We’ve never really been together, not since my parents were alive,” Yeosang says, still wrapped in Seonghwa’s arms.“So it would be difficult to, you know, not try and kill one another if we ever did spend time together on days like this.”

Seonghwa chuckles softly.“You are both too alike, that’s why you fight so much.”

“What?” Yeosang gasps, indignant.“I am not a spoiled brat who expects the world to bow down to him.”

“Well,” Seonghwa teases and winces when Yeosang mock punches him, catching his wrists and holding him closer. “I love you, you know that?”

“Do you?”

“Like, so fucking much. I have a sketchbook just for you now, did you know that?” Seonghwa presses a kiss to his temple. “And I can’t stop thinking about you.If you’re not with me, I ache. It feels like I’m dying.When I see you, after we’ve been apart, it’s as if my brain blanks out and I hear white noise. I call it the Yeosang Effect.”

Yeosang’s shoulders start shaking and he lifts his head up to stare up at him, his lips temptingly close, stretched into a wide smile.

“The Yeosang Effect, huh?”

“Yeah,” Seonghwa whispers.“That’s why when we were shouting at one another earlier I felt like I was being torn apart.That was horrible, it felt awful.Let’s not do that again in a hurry.” He shakes Yeosang a little and gets a bigger smile in response. “Deal?”

“Deal,” he says, pulling away so he could jump on his board again.This time he rests his hand lightly on Seonghwa’s shoulder as they walk.“Stay over?”

“Sure,” Seonghwa says, charmed by Yeosang’s shy expression.“Will you tell me about your parents?”

Yeosang is still for a few minutes, but then he nods and smiles.“Yes, I’d like that, I think.”

***

The morning of the fashion show, Yeosang opens the door to Seonghwa carrying a bouquet of flowers, take-away coffee and breakfast pastries from the Korean bakery nearby.Yeosang takes one look at the flowers and bursts out in tears.

“Oh, oh, no, no,” Seonghwa whispers in alarm, putting everything down so he can wrap both arms around Yeosang, holding him tight.“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.Is it the flowers? Don’t you want them? I can throw them away?”

And that makes Yeosang sob louder, confusing Seonghwa even more.But he just holds him, soothes him with soft words, rubs his back and kisses his temple and Yeosang holds onto him, sobbing, his throat thick with tears and he feels bad for making Seonghwa worry but honestly he just needed to see his boy and this, this was too much.

“No,” he eventually gasps, wiping tears.“I love them.” He picks them up, pushes his face in them and gets pollen all over his face, making Seonghwa laugh.“No one’s ever given me flowers before.” He touches the petals of the tulips lightly.“They are beyond beautiful, Hwa, thank you.”

They share their breakfast with Wooyoung because Seonghwa is there early, just after eight, and they’re loud enough to wake him up.Seonghwa spends the day with Yeosang, keeping him distracted with movies and gaming, before they help him load clothes, accessories, his emergency sewing supplies and other mysterious things into the back of the car he called for.

The night of the Fashion and Design’s fashion show is insane.Each designer had been allocated a room backstage for their models and Yeosang is on fire.The drama department’s make-up artists were there and he finds himself being stared down by a tall Korean girl with startlingly blue eyes and clear skin.She’d just finished fussing with Yunho’s hair and turned to find Yeosang at her side.

“Did he confess to you?” She says, apropos nothing and Yeosang can only stare at and blink stupidly.

“Who? What?”

“Him, there, the tall drink of coffee over there, next to San. The one with the mouth.” She gestures to where Seonghwa is siting sprawled in his chair, fucking around on his phone as one of the stylists messes with his hair.

“Seonghwa?” Yeosang asks and gets a brief nod.“You know him?”

“Yeah, I listened to him have a gay panic about you when I did his make-up for the dance showcase. He really likes you,” she says.“I told him to tell you and not fuck around. Life’s too short for stuff like that.”

Yeosang is so taken aback by her words, he didn’t know what to say, but then she tilted her head a little and grins.“I’m sorry, that was a bit forward of me, but whatever. He chose well. You’re very talented.”

“Thanks?” Yeosang manages. She gives a little bow in his direction before she looks past him at San, gesturing him over.

“Come on, hot shot.Lets make you even more sexy,” she says, manhandling San into the chair Yunho had vacated.

“Is that even possible?” San asks her and whimpers when she grabs his chin to stare down at him with a sharp look.He throws up both hands and sinks lower down in the chair. “Sorry, sorry, I’m sorry.”

Yeosang turns away, wondering who this girl was and how she even knew about him and Seonghwa. But he has little time left to worry about that because the model's dressers were there, adding to the chaos with their drama and loud exclamations about how hot the boys were looking.Their room manager pops by and calls out timings to them and Yeosang feels like he’s going to throw up the closer they get to their turn. His is the last walk of the night and he's 

“Hey,” Seonghwa says, grabbing his wrist and dragging him behind a rail of clothing.“You are going to make a killing tonight. Your clothes are fantastic. I’ve seen some of the other shit your class mates have produced and let me tell you, you have _nothing_ to worry about.” Seonghwa holds out his phone to him. “Here, hold this for me. You know the code.Check out the hashtag on Insta if you get a minute.”

“What, really?” He breathes, holding Seonghwa’s phone to his chest. 

“Terrible. Really tame shit you can pick up from any market stall anywhere.Generic shit.”

“Okay, stop saying things, get in line.You look gorgeous, fuck.”Yeosang stands on tiptoes and plants a kiss on Seonghwa’s jaw.“There, go out there and fucking slay them wearing my clothes.”

Seonghwa gives him a sexy smirk and half bow.“Your wish, my love,” he says, taking his place behind Mingi who was leading them out.

Yeosang watches the opening sequence from backstage, in the wings, his heart thundering so loud he’s sure the people around him can hear it.The stage is in pure darkness and he can just make them out as they take their positions.The audience is non-plussed, this was not how the other designers started their shows.Then, suddenly, daechwita blared and a single light focussed on the group of them on the stage.Behind them, another spotlight projected the logo Seonghwa had drawn up for Yeosang.His brand, his vision.

The music, a bass heavy high tempo mix put together by Hongjoong and Wooyoung, spilled from the speakers as the boys started their group dance, showcasing Yeosang’s carefully designed street wear.

They looked incredible and they made his clothes look incredible.They broke up from the dance, high energy, laughing, high fiving and took a turn around the large T shaped stage, breaking all the rules of how male models usually walk.They were hot as hell, laughing and smiling, taking their time to show off.The moment one disappeared out of sight, he was stripping and being dressed in the next outfit.They had been drilled by Yeosang for three weeks and they were superb at it.The dressers worked fast and the make-up girls did hasty touch ups.Yeosang checked each of them over, making tiny adjustments, before sending them off, ten to fifteen seconds apart.

He’d chosen to work with natural fabrics for his designs.There were soft as sin t-shirts and button up shirts with mandarin collars that made you want to wear it because it looked so comfortable and so good.He paired shirts with styled trousers and kept the look soft and wearable.The jackets, again, were big, with waistcoats over striped button down shirts, creating layers that looked great, felt great.His closing sequence of clothes were fun, fashionable evening wear.They consisted of beautifully tailored jeans and shirts that were more blouse than button down shirt.And they looked fucking amazing.Seonghwa took his breath away.He’d made Yeosang allocate him the shirt he’d tried on at his workshop, the one with the ties, and seeing how well it hugged his figure, showing off his waist and wide shoulders, made Yeosang feel a little lightheaded. 

His team of dressers were noisy and excited and the second Yunho, the last to walk off-stage, got backstage, they all lined up behind Yeosang and he walked out with them as the emcee called out his name.The applause was thunderous and for a moment he wanted to nope out of it, but then Seonghwa got an arm around his waist, with Yunho on the other side of him and they ran with him down the stage to the bar of the T so that everyone could see him. They flung his arms up as everyone else from the group, the dressers and make-up artists were all on stage, celebrating with him, as if he’d won some kind of award.

And then they were all running backstage and the applause was still going. 

Seonghwa grabs his wrist before he rushes into the change room and drags him off around the corner, presses him up against the wall and kisses him senseless in the best possible way, all hot breath and hot eyes and hot hands and Yeosang has to steady himself because he feels overwhelmed and excited and happy. 

“I am so proud of you, pretty thing,” Seonghwa whispers when he pulls back. “You did amazing.The clothes are amazing, the audience loved it.You killed it.”

“Yeah?” Yeosang whispers, feeling dizzy.“You think?”

“I fucking know it.You should be proud.”

“Thank you.” Yeosang pulls him close for another searing kiss and Seonghwa moans softly, pushing his thigh between his legs and Yeosang lets him and he gets his hands under his shirt and pulls him closer, impossibly closer, by the hips.Yeosang kisses him dirty.He knows how to rile his boy up and he he’s on fire and he wants to share the fire with Seonghwa and Seonghwa goes with it, lets Yeosang fuck his tongue into his mouth and Yeosang feels like he’s flying.Seonghwa’s crowding him up against the wall and Yeosang has his hands all over him but Seonghwa’s not touching him at all, he’s got him bracketed with arms pressed against the wall next to Yeosang’s head, giving him all the access he wants. 

“I have regrets,” Yeosang whispers, drawing back a little.

“Yeah?” Seonghwa says, chasing his lips. 

“I told them I’d take them to dinner but all I really want to do is take you home and make you moan my name,” Yeosang says, running his hands down Seonghwa’s sides.“It can be a quick dinner, what do you think?”

“Sure, baby.Whatever you want,” Seonghwa says, smiling down at him, his eyes so bright Yeosang feels like he’s staring at the night sky. 

“Dangerous to say that to me.Tonight I feel like I’d want a whole lot.”

“I’d give it to you,” Seonghwa says, barely audible, his voice a ghost skim over the shell of Yeosang’s ear, making him shudder.“Anything you want, pretty thing.”

There’s some noise from nearby and Seonghwa reluctantly draws back, takes a step away from Yeosang and obviously adjusts himself, making Yeosang laugh softly.

“Can’t believe how hard you get me just by kissing me,” he says, almost shy.“You’re something else, Kang Yeosang.”

Then Seonghwa drags him to the changing room and he’s met with another round of applause and he doesn’t freak out.He doesn’t panic.He gets hugged and petted and congratulated and he’s soaring and happy.Someone hands him a glass of something and he downs it without thinking, eliciting cheers from everyone present.Hongjoong and Wooyoung toast one another because of the music and Yeosang hugs them both, to their astonishment.Hongjoong gets an arm around Yeosang and kisses his cheek roundly, yelling: “We knew Coco before he was famous!” And everyone cheers.

As everyone starts changing, adrenalin draining away from a performance well done, there’s a knock on the door.One of the stage hands is out there and Yunho waves her in Yeosang’s direction.He’s looking at the hashtag on instagram and twitter and he sees nothing but praise for the clothes, for the boys and only looks up when he senses her close by.

“Yeosang- _ssi_ , I have someone who’d like to see you? They came backstage as soon as they could and we told them it wasn’t allowed but well,” she grimaced, her voice dropping low.“I _think_ they’re someone important? They have like an entourage?”

Yeosang goes ice-cold at that.He catches Yunho’s gaze as he turns to find Seonghwa.Seonghwa is right there, behind him, staring the girl down.She looks deeply uncomfortable and apologetic at interrupting them. 

“I can tell them to go away, but…” she trails off.

“It’s fine,” Yeosang says.“Can you both come with me?”

Yunho and Seonghwa nod and fall in behind him as he follows the girl out to where four men are standing.Yeosang doesn’t recognise any of them, and it makes him even more wary.One of the men, older than the others, was well dressed in an understated suit and a dark burgundy tie. 

“Kang Yeosang?” His voice is deep as he looks all three of them over, before focussing on Yeosang.“My name is Lee Myung-hoon.Do you know who I am?”

Yeosang senses that Seonghwa wants to step between him and this stranger, and he’s holding back for Yeosang’s sake because Yeosang’s not reacting negatively towards this man.

“Of course I know who you are, Lee- _ssi_ ,” Yeosang says and he congratulates himself for not passing out at the feet of one of the directors of one of the foremost fashion brands in South Korea.He does a full 90 degree bow and both Yunho and Seonghwa follow suit. “It is an honour to meet you.”

“Please, there is no need for too much formality.I wanted to come backstage and congratulate you on your show tonight.I like what I saw.You have a lot of promise and I’d like to meet with you to talk to you about a few opportunities with D.Gnak.”

“I’m not in my final year yet,” Yeosang says, his voice still shockingly level. 

“That’s fine, I’d still like to speak with you,” the man says, his tone amused.He holds out a hand and one of his underlings puts something in it, and he hands it to Yeosang.“My card.Please give my secretary a call on Monday to set something up at your convenience.”And with that, before Yeosang could breathe another breath, bow or speak, he turns around and walks off with his little entourage and Yeosang sags.

“That was good, right?” Seonghwa whispers.“Right? He gave you his business card.”

Yeosang turns to Seonghwa and he can’t help the grin spreading across his face.“So good, Hwa.”

“Oh, I’m glad I didn’t punch him then,” Yunho says, shoving his hands in his pockets and slouching.“I thought there was gonna be a fight.”

Yeosang laughs brightly, hugs Yunho sideways before he grabs Seonghwa’s arm in his and they walk back to the room, as Yeosang tells them exactly who Lee- _ssi_ is.

***

“Oh my god,” Seonghwa moans, close to losing his mind as Yeosang pushes into him, slow and languid, taking his time, his eyes raking Seonghwa’s body, watching him come apart beneath him. Yeosang is positive that Seonghwa doesn’t quite realise what he does to him, how easily he goes weak in the knees for him, how Yeosang can lose himself in Seonghwa when he’s near.

Dinner had been excruciating.Yeosang wanted Seonghwa and he’d rushed everyone, making it very clear that he was desperate to get home to either fuck him or be fucked by him.Seonghwa, the little tease, took his time, dawdling over his meal, suggestively throwing his head back when drinking his wine, fingers wiping his mouth, eyefucking Yeosang the whole time.Leaning close, making little sex noises when chewing a particularly tasty morsel of food, which, admittedly, wasn’t much of a stretch because the restaurant was fancy and the food was excellent, but he was teasing Yeosang.And it worked, winding Yeosang up tighter and tighter. Yeosang watched Seonghwa as if he were prey and he didn’t care that their friends were right there, an audience to how they barely holding back making out at the table, in front of everyone.

Yeosang dragged Seonghwa into the back of a taxi with hardly a goodbye at the others once they got outside and once they got to Yeosang’s, he’d not lost any time stripping Seonghwa naked and shoving him onto his bed.

Yeosang knew that Seonghwa liked it when he manhandled him a little and tonight, tonight he felt that he needed to be the one in control and he loved how easily Seonghwa gave in to him, without question, without hesitation.The level of trust this beautiful man had in him, constantly surprised Yeosang and it made him feel powerful.It was dizzying and hot and he loved it.He loved Seonghwa to distraction and tonight he needed to show him exactly how much.

He’d taken his time to work Seonghwa open, kissing him until they were both shaky, achingly hard and moaning into each other’s mouths.Yeosang hadn’t topped in an age and he knew Seonghwa hardly ever bottomed but knowing that this is something they both wanted, made him feel…he didn’t know what he felt, except that he wanted this.He wanted his boy beneath him, a moaning mess, and he wanted Seonghwa to feel as good as he made Yeosang feel. 

“How’re you doing, baby?” Yeosang whispers as he runs soothing hands along Seonghwa’s thighs once he bottoms out.Seonghwa is tight around him and so hot.Yeosang feels like he was going to not last very long.But it was still early and they had the entire night together. “Tell me colours so I know you’re okay.”

“Just…I’m, adjusting so gimme a minute,” Seonghwa gasps out.“So, almost green.Not yellow.”

“Yeah,” Yeosang whispers.“I get it.God, you are so beautiful, Hwa.”

Seonghwa throws a hand over his face and groans. “No,” he whispers from behind his hands, giving a slow roll of his hips against Yeosang.“Don’t say that.”

“Why not?” Yeosang whispers right back.“Why can’t I compliment you? You looks so gorgeous like this. You’re all smooth warm skin, soft moans, driving me crazy the whole night. I wanted to fuck you so badly after the show. Dinner was torture.”

“I know.” Seonghwa wraps a hand around Yeosang’s wrist as he gives another slow roll of his hips, getting used to being filled up.“I knew you wanted this, the moment I kissed you back stage, I could feel the shift.”

“Fuck,” Yeosang says, throwing his head back as Seonghwa dragged himself along his length before rolling his hips back down again.“Tell me I can move, baby.You’re torturing me.”

“Kiss me,” Seonghwa says instead and Yeosang complies, kissing him hot and wet until he can’t stand it anymore and he pulls back to readjust himself between Seonghwa’s legs and slowly starts fucking into him, mesmerised by how well Seonghwa takes him. 

“Hwa,” Yeosang gasps.“Jesus, baby, you’re so hot. Can’t believe you’re letting me fuck you.”

“Why wouldn’t I?” Seonghwa lets out a moan as Yeosang presses forward intently, snapping his hips hard.“Jesus fucking on a stick, pretty thing. That feels so good, oh god.Oh god.”

“Yeah,” Yeosang whispers, eyes hot on his lover, watching the man he loves writhe under him as he fucks him.Seonghwa is vocal as a top, lewd, saying things that drives Yeosang wild, but Seonghwa as a bottom has him pliant, able to take direction so well, reacting to Yeosang beautifully.His demeanour is entirely different and Yeosang lives for the dichotomy.He finds himself slowing himself down and pulling Seonghwa into a deep kiss.It makes them both whimper and he lavishes whispered words of praise on Seonghwa, feeling the man in his arms shiver and moan as he leaves his marks on him. 

Neither of them last long and it’s so divinely perfect as he strokes Seonghwa to completion watching him lift off the bed, his skin shining with a soft sheen of sweat in the low light in his room. He’s mesmerised by the way Seonghwa’s back arches off the bed, how his elegant neck elongates as he moans through the first shuddering of his orgasm.Yeosang is breathless with need and he chases his own orgasm on the back of Seonghwa’s release, thanking the gods who watch over him, that Seonghwa is a dancer and he’s able to bend his knee back that far, allowing Yeosang all the access to get deeper and go harder.Yeosang comes hard, Seonghwa’s name on his lips and he shudders as Seonghwa touches his ribs fleetingly to ground him.He collapses forward onto Seonghwa, uncaring of the mess between them and huffs out a laugh as he slides off to the side.

“Jesus that was,” he says, gasping.

“Yeah,” Seonghwa agrees, breathless.“Yeah, we’re doing that again.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, fuck. I haven’t bottomed in years and this was…fuck, pretty thing.You are a dangerous man.”

Yeosang feels himself flush and he pushes at him a little.

“Shut up, you ass,” he laughs and Seonghwa catches his hand and brings his knuckles to his lips.

“I love you, Kang Yeosang,” he says, his lips against his skin.“Even if you have been holding out on me.”

“Hmm.I think next time you ride me,” Yeosang tells him, watching his eyes go wide.“I want to see what you look like sitting in my lap, fucking yourself on my cock.”

Seonghwa rolls over and buries his face in Yeosang’s neck.“I’m dying, don’t talk explicit shit like this when I came so hard my toes curled not even five minutes ago.”

“You ready to go again?” Yeosang teases, loving that he’s got Seonghwa blushing.“I bet I can get you to orgasm twice, this time untouched.”

“Dead. I’m dead and deceased,” he declares dramatically.

“What a way to go though,” Yeosang teases back.“Riding my cock.”

“No,” Seonghwa says, sitting up.“Remember that there are words you can’t say around me? One is blowjob and the other is cock.”

Yeosang crosses both arms under his head as he stares up at him, batting his lashes.

“Why not? They’re just _words_ , Hwa.”

“Not, not when you say it, looking like this.I can’t cope with it.”

Before Yeosang can reach to pull him close again, he scoots to the edge of the bed and stands up.“Shower.Shower then we change the bedding.”

“What?” Yeosang pouts.“I can’t walk.I did all the work tonight.” He gestures down his body and Seonghwa drags his eyes along his lean lines.But then Seonghwa walks away after taking a steadying breath. He turns at the bedroom door and smirks at him.“I’ll suck you off in the shower?”

“Wow, showers are my favourite. I’m up, I’m up!”

Seonghwa laughs at his sudden eagerness and drags him to shower and Yeosang is so endeared by the blush riding so high on his boyfriend’s cheeks that he happily pushes him up against the wall in the bathroom to kiss him until the grinning and laughter fades into soft gasps and thick moans.

***

On the back of the fashion show, Yeosang is approached by D.Gnak and another grassroots designer, both who are interested in his designs and what he has to offer.Seonghwa is vibrating with pure excitement and pride when,9 days later, Yeosang finds him during lunch in the university cafeteria and whisper yells at him about the opportunities he’s being offered.

Not only that, but a photographer had captured the opening dance sequence and a performance agency is sniffing around the dancers, which, in turn is making Yeosang walk around with big shoulders and a grin telling them every time he sees them, that he ‘discovered’ them and that they better remember them when they are big time dancers or idols or choreographers for famous idols.

It’s good, everything is going well and Seonghwa spends days just holding his breath, fretting.Waiting for Chairman Kang to make his next move.But so far, so quiet. 

Then its time for the gallery showing and Seonghwa, Jongho and Yunho spend 48 hours setting up their art, working side by side with the gallery owner and her manager.The gallery isn’t huge but is becoming well known, drawing attention from those who are keen to invest in budding artists.

The day the show opens, Yeosang sends him flowers and another suit.This one less formal than the one he’d sent him the last time, but still, it’s Tom Ford rather than Prada.The lines were classic, and fits him perfectly.

“You’re doing the thing,” Seonghwa tells Yeosang over the phone as he unwraps the suit. 

“Don’t care. I want you to look fucking good tonight,” Yeosang sing-songs.“You only get one chance to make an impression on rich assholes so, shut up and dress pretty.”

“Which shirt?” Seonghwa asks him, laughing at his honesty. 

“Maroon.Black brogues, black belt.No tie,” Yeosang advises.

“No tie? Scandalous!”

“Actually,” Yeosang says after a moment.“Leave the jacket off and put on the dark grey waistcoat.”

“Pretty thing, are you dressing me so that you can undress me later?”

“Yes?”

Seonghwa creases up with laughter.“I think I’ve created a monster,” he tells him. “What time are you getting there?”

“I can be there early if you like?”

“God, Sangie, yes please.I’m so nervous. I feel like I’m going to be sick.”

“Hwa, baby,” Yeosang says, intense.“Your artwork is incredible. You are talented and just…fuck, you’re so clever with the way you manage to express yourself? The way you see the world is interesting, and your artwork shows that. So, sure, be nervous.You’re sharing a part of yourself with a bunch of strangers, and of course that’s going to be hard.But don’t be sick. Look at it as an opportunity, okay? Anything can come from this.Anything.”

“Or nothing,” Seonghwa says, hating himself for saying it, but the thought was there.The idea of no one showing up was forefront in his mind, and nestled right up against that thought is the one that no one would be interested in his art.The thought of rejection curdled heavily in the pit of his stomach. He felt heavy with it.

“Or nothing,” Yeosang agrees.“But what do we do when we’re low and down, Hwa? What have you read to me in the past?”

Seonghwa thinks about lying in Yeosang’s bed, reading one of the books his therapist had recommended. “Fall down seven times, get up eight times,” Seonghwa replies and Yeosang makes a satisfied little noise in the back of his throat.“The big thing about tonight is that you are sharing what you’ve created alongside two friends.They are no doubt going through exactly what you are, so you’re all in the same boat, and you can support one another.Celebrate one another.You got chosen, along with Yunho and Jongho, to showcase your art at gallery in one of the greatest cities in the world.You are already fucking winning.”

Seonghwa smiles into his phone, cradling it close. “Why are you so good to me?”

“Because I love you.I want to give you the world.I want the world to see how amazing the man I love is. Is that so wrong?”

And it’s too much, and Seonghwa is crying.He sits down at the kitchen counter and he drops his head forward and he cries.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers. “I’m sorry, I’m fine.I’m fine. I’m sorry.”

“I’ll be there in five minutes,” Yeosang says and his voice is firm but Seonghwa just gives a sad little laugh.

“No, baby, I’m okay.Sorry, it’s just, I’m feeling very emotional today, for no reason.”

“I swear I can be there in like a blink of an eye, Hwa. I’m just at my workshop so I’m closer.”

“No, I’m okay, I swear.You just, you’re just so fucking perfect for me. I am so happy you’re in my life, you know?”

Yeosang lets out a little sigh.“I know I’m amazing, but so are you.Together we are amazing to the square root of infinity.”

“I am not sure that is how being amazing _or_ maths works,” Seonghwa laughs, blowing his nose. 

“Are you a math king? No, then shut up.You don’t know anything,” Yeosang says, sounding smug.“I’ll pick you up at six?”

“Six is good, thank you.”

“Okay, I’m going now.Stop listening to the shadows, Hwa.They know nothing and they are trying to dim your light.Don’t let them.If you cry more or if you need me, don’t be dumb, okay? Call me?”

“Yeah, I will, I promise.”

“Love you, Hwa.So fucking much.”

“Love you too, pretty thing.Thank you.Thank you for everything.”

“Just try and chill out.Do something low key.Do some sketching or sleep.”

“Yeah, good idea, baby.See you later.”

They hang up and Seonghwa busies himself with tidying the apartment. He puts the flowers in some water and goes to hang up his new suit.He checks his shirt and decides it needs ironing, so he does that too.By the time he’s done generally tidying and cleaning the kitchen, he feels better, more in control of things. 

He sends Yeosang updates as he goes and gets cute stickers and cuter selfies showing Yeosang looking progressively more impressed and fake-turned on.It has him giggling like an idiot and he doesn’t care.He feels better for it, knowing that he has control over his environment.Then he makes himself lunch, sits down on the couch and watches some anime on Netflix whilst lightly doodling in the sketchpad beside the couch. 

At five he starts getting ready.The show starts at eight, with Yeosang picking him up at six.That will give them two hours at the gallery before anyone even shows up.It will be enough time to still his nerves.

***

The second Jongho and Yunho turn up at the gallery, also early, also wearing their suits, Seonghwa feels better.They both look nervous as hell and Yeosang talks all three of them down from a. Throwing themselves off the top floor of the building and b. Getting roaringly drunk within a short space of time. 

The three of them walk around the gallery, looking at their art and making sure everything is titled correctly and priced correctly, most importantly.

Jongho’s style is entirely different to Seonghwa’s.His art is all abstract shapes that draws the eye and holds the attention.Yunho’s style is similar in vein to Seonghwa’s, but his are far more mixed media and on a much larger scale.His canvasses are large and made for galleries and large homes with feature walls begging for good art. 

Seonghwa had chosen the art he wanted on display with great care.He did a wall of portraits and a few of the larger mixed media pieces, including the one he did with Yeosang, using him as the silhouette.The overall feel of the exhibition felt good, welcoming and warming. 

The second level held their sketches and paintings that weren’t for sale.It was only when the three of them were up there, alone, that Seonghwa had his first reaction to the painting he had done of Yeosang. 

“Fuck me,” Yunho whistled low, clapping a hand over Seonghwa’s shoulder, making him wince. “That is…Hwa, that is fucking impressive.”

Jongho turns the corner from examining Yunho’s pieces and stops in his tracks.

“Wow, that’s,” he frowns.“Stupidly good, Seonghwa.”

“Yeah?” Seonghwa stares at the painting, studying the background, the burning harbour visible through the broken arch behind Yeosang, the ruined city, the room itself that held Yeosang as the only figure you could see.“Do you guys think it’s okay?”

“I mean,” Yunho says running a hand through his hair and looking at Seonghwa.“It’s incredible.Technically it is good, probably one of the best pieces I’ve seen from you. You’ve achieved dimensionality and it feels like he’s going to step out of the painting.There’s a whole story here.So yeah, it’s superb.Are you sure you won’t put it up for sale?”

Seonghwa shakes his head.“No, definitely not.It’s not something to be hung in some stranger's house. I told Yeosang I’d give it to him.”

“How long did he sit for you?” Jongho was standing close to the canvas, his nose almost pressed against it.Seonghwa wasn’t worried about how close he was.They’ve been taught to look at art from every distance and angle.“And how did you get the light on his skin like this? Can you show me some day I want to do a portrait of Woo and I love how you did this."

Seonghwa loses himself talking to them about the painting and techniques he'd used and they eventually make their way downstairs to find Yeosang and Hongjoong, thick as thieves, chatting to the gallery manager.The doors open at eight promptly and people start arriving.Of course their friends turn up, loud and boisterous, proud of the three of them and their art.They spend a few minutes talking before they all head off to go and look at the exhibit properly.

Seonghwa feels Yeosang slide his hand into his and turns to look at him with a smile.

“Hey you,” he says, softly.“How’re you doing?”

“Me? I’m dating one of the hottest young artists Seoul has seen this decade.I’m spectacular.How’re you doing?”

Seonghwa laughs at that.“Does he now you’re here? I’m sure he’ll be jealous.”

“Oh, I don’t know.You’re pretty enough. I’m sure I can talk him into a threesome.” Yeosang bats his eyes innocently as Seonghwa almost chokes on his spring water. “You okay, baby? Did I say something wrong?”

“Another,” Seonghwa gasps.“Another word you should never say around me.”

“What? Threesome?”

“Kang Yeosang,” Seonghwa says, his tone a warning.

Yeosang turns so that he’s facing Seonghwa.He’s wearing a dark grey silk shirt that shows off his collarbones, neck and shoulders perfectly. It’s tucked into a pair of sinfully tight leather trousers and he’s wearing fuck-me boots with enough of a heel to change his height just a little.What kills Seonghwa is that he’s wrapped a wide diamanté collar on a velvet backing around his neck and it makes him look sexy as hell.With his hair styled out of his lightly made-up face, showing off those big hazel eyes, he is easily the most attractive man in the room. 

“Don’t worry, Hwa,” he says, sliding a finger between the buttons of Seonghwa’s waistcoat and rubbing it against his shirt beneath.“I will never share you with anyone.You’re mine.”

The little possessive growl in Yeosang’s voice makes Seonghwa flush.“I’d never share you with anyone either,” he promises, his voice low, intense. 

For a moment everything else disappears entirely and utterly, and he loses himself in Yeosang, in how he’s looking at him, in how he’s sure that if he listened closer, he would hear Yeosang’s heart thundering alongside his. Then Yeosang blinks, and it looks like it takes an effort, and he steps back a little, giving Seonghwa space, before he drops his hand to his side and Seonghwa immediate misses the feel of his finger pressing against his skin.

“Good,” he says.“Good to know. I’m going to talk to some people.Get them to buy your paintings.”

Seonghwa finds a smile and nods, watching him walk away.He tosses back the sparkling spring water and makes his way towards the small bar area to get a replacement.He puts in his order and the barman doesn’t blink at his request for more spring water.He’s about to turn back to the room when a man comes up beside him and orders a whisky, neat.

Seonghwa turns to look at him and he stills, the blood in his veins running cold.

“Secretary Min.What are you doing here?”

“Good evening, Seonghwa.I was invited to attend the opening night by a friend of mine,” Secretary Min responds, easy.“I only just got here.The traffic has been so bad tonight.” He takes a sip of his drink and glances around the room.“I see some excellent pieces already.If you’ll excuse me.”

And just like that, he disappears in the gathered crowd.Seonghwa turns back to the barman and orders a G&T, heavy on the G.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whelp. Are we ready for some pain?
> 
> Come find me over at the twitter as @LizzieSunbae


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “So, our art is being shown in a gallery invested in by our mortal enemy,” he says. “Why does it feel like we’ve gone from Marvel to DC in the blink of an eye.”
> 
> “I mean, what can he do to us?” Yunho frowned back at the gallery behind them. 
> 
> “I don’t know,” Seonghwa says, checking the time. “But I’ve got a hot boy to go kiss, so I’ll see you losers later.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Saddle up, babies. 
> 
> Get the emotional comfort food out. 
> 
> You're even warned.

Yunho finds Seonghwa shortly afterwards and drags him outdoors, onto the small private balcony Seonghwa had not realised even existed, and pushes him up against the glass doors, forearm across his chest, his breathing uneven.

“What the fuck?” Yunho is always careful around them.He’s a good guy but he’s aware of how intimidating he can look, so he downplays his size, hunching a little, trying never to lose his temper unlessit’s Hongjoong-centred.“That man’s lackey is here,” he grinds out between stiff lips when he drops his arm away, straightening to stare Seonghwa in the eye.“What the fuck? Who invited him? He came up and spoke to HJ, like they were bffs or something, Hwa.What. The. Fuck?”

Seonghwa can only shrug at Yunho’s words, not at all surprised by his friend’s reaction.“I dunno.I dunno who invited him.”

Yunho opens and closes his hands, shaking them out.“I don’t like it,” he says.“Not one bit.”

“Neither do I, Yunho.Can you help me check on the others?” Seonghwa clapped him on the shoulder and gave it a squeeze.. “I know he’s not been near Yeosang, I’ve been keeping an eye. I lost him towards the far side of the gallery and I didn’t want to leave Yeosang alone.”

“Yeah, of course.” Yunho gave a short sharp nod.“I understand why.I’ve got San trailing him in the meantime.But yeah, lets go.” He gave Seonghwa a once-over, before he straightened his shirt out and gave his chest a pat.“Sorry, bout that, Hwa.Got a bit worked up.”

Seonghwa gave him a grateful grin.“I appreciate it.Now, let’s go check on him.Is Hongjoong okay?”

“He told the guy to fuck off,” Yunho said with a proud grin. “Threatened to cut the guy’s dick off if he got near him again.”

As anxious as Seonghwa was about Secretary Min being around, hearing how Hongjoong refused to be intimidated made him laugh.They walked back into the gallery Seonghwa immediately saw Secretary Min.He was on the second floor, looking at their sketches and items not for sale.He trades a look with Yunho as they separated, Seonghwa heading towards Secretary Min and Yunho heading downstairs to find the others.San catches Seonghwa’s eye as he walked past.The arrogantly arched eyebrow at Seonghwa was eloquent: _you okay?_ At Seonghwa’s nod and light hand gesture, San stays back and lets Seonghwa walk up to where the man stood before one of Jongho’s sketches.

“Your friends,” Secretary Min says, his voice rich and deep.“Are not subtle.” He glances at Seonghwa before turning to examine the artwork again.“But I appreciate their efforts.”

“Why are you here?”

“To look at art.I told you. It is the one part of my job that I genuinely enjoy.”

“I didn’t invite you.I’d like you to leave.”Seonghwa kept his voice level, refused to raise it.He thought that if he did that he’d have lost this game between him and Secretary Min. 

“This is a gallery,” Secretary Min said. “Anyone can be here.You’re not the proprietor, unless you’ve somehow managed to come into a lot of money to buy the gallery?”

“Don’t be absurd,” Seonghwa said.“But I can go find the proprietor and she can show you out.”

“Cute,” Secretary Min’s smile was endeared.“It’s almost as if you have real teeth.”He shifted to stare at him.“Do you think Mrs. Kwan owns this gallery? The building?”

“What?”

“Seonghwa- _ssi_ , I see you’ve met Min Sung-ho,” Moon Ye-wan, the gallery’s manager says coming towards them with a wide smile, her hands outstretched as she pulls Secretary Min forward.“He is one of our most important investors, allowing us to showcase smaller, unknown names and introducing them to the market.” Her smile is blinding as she stares up at the man in question.“He has a very discerning eye and is a very good artist in his own right.”

Seonghwa feels the earth shift beneath his feet. “We met,” he says dully.“Some time ago, quite by accident.”

“Seonghwa is one of the brightest artists the arts and design school has produced in some time,” Moon Ye-wan continues, apparently not noticing that Seonghwa was dying on the inside.“We are very proud to have his debut exhibition at the gallery.We are expecting great things from him.”

Seonghwa wishes that she would stop talking entirely.And then, suddenly, everything got so much worse. 

“Seonghwa, darling child!” His mother’s voice spun him around.Of course she would turn up like this, unannounced just to surprise him.She’d travelled to Busan as soon as she got to Seoul as she’d been invited to speak at a seminar there, unexpectedly, and had said she may not be able to be here for opening event itself, but here she is, in high definition.

“Mother?” Seonghwa’s eyes widen as she strolls towards him, tall, elegant, wonderfully and eccentrically dressed as always.Her heels means that they are the same height and when she hugs him, he catches the soft scent she has always favoured.“I didn’t think you could make it?”

“Not make the opening night of my son’s first gallery showing?” She rolls her eyes dramatically, clutching at her heart.“What kind of mother would I be?” With that she smiles at Moon Ye-wan and Secretary Kim, drawing them into the conversation. 

“Gyuri- _ssi_ ,” Moon Ye-wan says, smiling happily, drawing the other woman into a hug, surprising Seonghwa.“You look incredible! I am so pleased you could make it tonight.Let me introduce you to…”

Seonghwa tunes it out, tunes it all out, as he watches his mother do what she does bet: she shines and makes everything about her.Secretary Min seems surprised, maybe? But then his gaze finds Seonghwa’s for a moment only and he remembers that the man is the enemy and to not trust the way he turns to smile at his mother, but Seonghwa’s attention is drawn by movement near the stairs and Yeosang’s appearance.Hongjoong is at his side, looking anxious and Seonghwa just moves and Hongjoong keeps walking, heading towards Seonghwa’s mother.He puts distance between himself and the small group at his back, hoping to waylay Yeosang but the look he gets from Yeosang as he nears is so chilling, his feet stills.

“Is he here?” Yeosang says and his voice is low, emotionless.“Min, is he here?”

“Yes.”

“He has _no_ right,” Yeosang begins, making to move past Seonghwa but Seonghwa wraps a hand around his arm. 

“He does.He does have the right.He owns the building.And he’s an investor in the gallery.”

Yeosang’s eyes widen in shock.“ _He_ does? Or my grandfather?”

“I don’t know, but from what the manager said, it definitely sounds like it’s him, personally.”

“Fuck,” Yeosang stares at the man in question and Seonghwa moves so that he blocks his view. 

“We’re not picking a fight with this man tonight,” Seonghwa says, his tone clear.“Tonight is not about him.It’s about me and my friends.Just because he’s here doesn’t mean anything bad for us, okay?”

Yeosang has obvious difficulty focussing on what he’s saying, but eventually he does and gives a sharp nod.

“I met your mother, downstairs, by the way.She _hugged_ me,” Yeosang says and he looks proud and distressed, somehow, at the same time.“She called me the most beautiful boy she’s ever seen.”

“I’m sorry, Sangie.Are you okay?” Seonghwa is horribly aware of his mother’s dramatics.He hates himself for not warning her about Yeosang’s dislike of being touched by strangers.

“No, I’m fine, Hwa.Really.It was just so unexpected.Being hugged by her.She just, she was very mom-like,” Yeosang says and he smiles, his cheeks red. 

“You must have caught her a weak moment,” Seonghwa says, linking their hands together and gesturing him down the stairs.“Come, let me get away from Min and my mother.No one is ready for that kind of event horizon.”

“What about Hongjoong?”

“My mother loves Hongjoong more than she loves me.He’ll be fine, come.” Seonghwa crowded him down the stairs, finding that speaking to Yeosang about Secretary Min had calmed him drastically.

“Oh, there are some people here I know through Miss Angie.I told them to buy your art.” Yeosang grins at him, his eyes crinkling a little, making him look impish. 

“Kang Yeosang, you cannot bully people into buying my art,” Seonghwa reprimanded him with a laugh but Yeosang shrugs, easy as anything.

“Listen, if I can’t use my influence to get money into your pocket, then why bother right?”

“They might not even like my stuff?”

Yeosang gave him a look.No, it was a _look_ and he shook his head. 

“Honestly, I just mentioned that I knew the artist.They were already speaking to one of the staff members about how to buy it.”

Yeosang led him through the gallery, pointing out the _sold_ notices on several of the paintings.It seemed to be an even distribution between their three works and he grinned when he caught sight of Yunho staring at one of his own paintings blankly. 

“Everything okay?” He asked when they walked up.Seonghwa clapped him on the shoulder in answer and jerked a thumb to the canvas.

“Congrats?”

“People are buying our shit, Hwa.”Yunho shook his head.“I mean, they are actually spending money on this stuff?Complete strangers too.”

“I know, it’s terrifying.”

Yeosang rocked on is heels, looking like he was vibrating out of his skin, a small grin on his face.Seonghwa catches his eye and he feels a flush of love for this boy who stares back at him as if he’d hung the stars themselves.

“What are you looking so smug about?” Seonghwa asks him, his voice low, as they walk away.

“I knew you’d be a success, Hwa,” he said, his voice low.“I’ve just been walking and listening to people talk about the art and everyone is so impressed.Obviously, there’s a lot of pretentious assholes out there debating the formative use of colour and the true meaning of why one of you had mixed Prussian blue with Aegian blue and I don’t even know what, but honestly, there’s a lot of impressed faces.”

“Thank you.” Seonghwa knew that he was supposed to stop and talk to more people, ignoring Secretary Min’s presence, and focus, but right now, he just needed to say this.“Thank you for playing spy for me, thank you for being proud of me.Having you here, tonight.Sangie, I can’t begin to tell you how much that means to me.”

Yeosang’s kiss is completely unexpected.It’s not big or dramatic, it’s just a press of his lips against Seonghwa’s, before he steps back.

“I am so proud, baby.Now, go hustle that ass and make some more sales.You’re buying me dinner tomorrow night.”

Seonghwa laughs then, and he does turn around and he does hustle his ass and he does make more sales and he gets business cards and talks about commissions and price structures.It’s late late when everyone has left and it’s just him, Yunho and Jongo whilst the others left earlier,with the manager and her assistant in the third floor offices.

“I think, gentlemen,” Moon Ye-wan says, looking delighted as she pours them each a shot of soju.“That I can safely say, tonight was a superb opening night.Congratulations on your sales.”

They cheers her and her assistant in turn and Seonghwa can tell that like him, both Yunho and Jongho are a bit shellshocked by the fact that any of their paintings actually sold.

“Do you have any questions?” Moon Ye-wan sat back in her chair, carefully crossing her slender legs.“I realise this was probably a bit intimidating and confusing.”

“What happens next?” Yunho asks her, sitting forward.“Do we have to do anything now or?”

“No, everything else is now up to us.The paintings stay in place for the next few days.We make sure all monies have cleared before we ship them out. We charge the client shipping charges and everything is insured. We create a record of sale, which will help with provanance and we register the artwork we’ve sold too, so that there is a clear record of the transaction.Then, once I’ve deducted our very minimal percentage from the overall sales, I send the monies to your respective accounts.It should all be done by the end of the month, if not earlier.If you’re happy to, I’d like to keep the unsold paintings in place once I’ve sent the others off.The three of you have created quite a stir tonight, which I have to say, is very good for me and my little gallery.I am delighted to have been able to host you.”

They share some more drinks and as they get ready to head out, Seonghwa turns to her.

“What did your investor have to say about the exhibition?”

“Ah, Min- _ssi_ was very complimentary, especially about yours.He asked me many questions about you.Your mother seemed quite taken with him too.”

“Did she?” Seonghwa feels like passing out.“I’m seeing her for dinner tomorrow night, so I’ll be sure to ask her.”

“Min- _ssi_ is a good friend to the gallery and to artists just starting out.He would be a good mentor.His own art has been in galleries the world over.”

Yunho grabs Seonghwa’s arm and he finds himself bowing and smiling robotically, before Yunho marches him out of the gallery, a hand behind his neck, keeping him grounded.Jongo looks like he wants to punch something, and they get outside where it’s cooler at least and they just stop.And stare at one another.Jongho is the first to speak.

“So, our art is being shown in a gallery invested in by our mortal enemy,” he says.“Why does it feel like we’ve gone from Marvel to DC in the blink of an eye.”

“I mean, what can he do to us?” Yunho frowned back at the gallery behind them. 

“I don’t know,” Seonghwa says, checking the time.“But I’ve got a hot boy to go kiss, so I’ll see you losers later.”

***

Yeosang pulls him into his bedroom and shouts over his shoulder to Wooyoung to put his noise cancelling earphones on and it makes Seonghwa laugh obnoxiously, but then Yeosang’s got him up against the closed door and he’s kissing him aggressively, his hands everywhere and Seonghwa forgets everything.

He forgets everything apart from Yeosang’s hands, his mouth, the heat of his body, the way he bites and licks his way down Seonghwa’s body as he undresses him.

“God I wanted to fuck you so badly from the minute I saw you tonight.I knew this would be a good look on you.Christ,” Yeosang mutters, his fingers fumbling at the maroon shirt’s buttons.“Why did I do this to myself?”

Seonghwa huffs a laugh and thuds his head back against the door, closing his eyes as Yeosang’s stream of consciousness pillow talk fills the room as he undresses him. 

They stumble towards the bed and Seonghwa pulls Yeosang’s clothes off, dropping it in a pile on the floor and they tumble backwards, laughing. Seonghwa desperately reaches for him, pulls him onto his lap and Yeosang is right there, close, kissing him him rudely, made of hot breath and tongue and teeth. He groans, dropping his hands to his hips, helping Yeosang grind his ass down onto of him and he’s so fucking desperate for whatever this boy is prepared to give him, his mind feels blank with need.The feel of Yeosang’s hungry mouth on him is everything he wants and needs and he bites his lip and has to force himself not to push deeper into the wet heat of his mouth.Yeosang is a tease and he’s likely to stop if Seonghwa doesn’t let him play so he keeps as still as he can, watching Yeosang where he’s crouched between his legs, eyes closed, mouth red, slicked with saliva and Seonghwa’s pre-cum.It’s so hot, so fucking hot, hotter than any porn Seonghwa’s ever watched and he lets out a muffled groan. 

Yeosang pulls back, panting for breath.“Okay, lover?” And his voice is hoarse and it’s so sexy and he looks so fucking smug, that Seonghwa sits up and kisses him soundly, leaning him back and they’re half on and half off the bed now, and it’s dizzying in more ways than one, and Yeosang clings to him.

“Fuck me, please baby,” he whispers in his ear, his neck straining against being upside down, his face a little red.And Seonghwa pulls them both back, back off the edge of the bed and manhandles him so that he’s lying up against the pillows.

Yeosang watches him with eyes that are hot and heavy as he finds the lube and condom and when he makes to tear one of the packets off Yeosang stops him, a hand on his wrist.

“No,” he says.“I want to feel you.I’m clean and I’ve not been with anyone since us.”

In answer Seonghwa flings the condom across the room as if it just burned him, making Yeosang laugh.“Same, pretty thing. Lie back and let me make you feel good.”

Seonghwa preps Yeosang by taking his time, paying Yeosang back for being a tease earlier. He gets no complaints and loves watching his boy fall apart under his hands and lips.Yeosang is loud and it’s gratifying and he almost pities their neighbours when Yeosang moans so devastatingly loud when he pushes the head of his cock into him, that he gives a little laugh. He stops, letting Yeosang adjust to him a little, kissing him, nudging his nose against his until he gets those big eyes on him.Yeosang blinks, slowly, looking drugged and high from being so gone, but he reaches up and cups Seonghwa’s jaw before dropping his hand.

“”M’good. More, Hwa, baby, please.”

He nods and pushes in a little more, conscious of how different this feels without the condom. Yeosang’s eyes are on Seonghwa as Seonghwa looks down between them, where he’s pressing into him incrementally, filling him up. 

“So hot,” Yeosang says, wrapping his hand around Seonghwa’s wrist.“You’re so hot inside me, Hwa. Feel so good.”

“I know, baby.God you feel so good.” Seonghwa settles between his legs, pulling Yeosang a little closer, lifting his hips and sliding a pillow under him.The adjustment brings a soft gasp from Yeosang and his eyes roll back in his head.“Going to fuck you now, like you asked.Are you ready?”

“Please,” Yeosang nods, biting his lower lip and arching a little, pressing impossibly closer.“Please.”

Seonghwa rolls his hips, adjusts a little and pulls out a slightly, mesmerised by this, by them.He gets his hands on Yeosang’s hips, and slowly starts fucking into him. It’s different, more intimate and it feels so fucking good and he tries not to lose himself entirely in how it makes him feel and he concentrates hard to make Yeosang feel good too. And from the way he’s gasping Seonghwa’s name, from the way he’s stroking himself, he’s as gone as Seonghwa is. 

“Look at me,” Seonghwa tells him and those hazel eyes meet his and his pupils are wide and so dark and the knowledge that he’s doing this to him, sears across his skin like a brand. 

“I love you,” Seonghwa says, voice thick.“I love you so fucking much, Sangie.”

“Hwa, oh god,” Yeosang shudders.“I love you, more than, just…oh fuck.” He gasps as Seonghwa lifts him onto his lap and manhandles him so that he’s sitting with his legs splayed around Seonghwa’s hips.“I love you. Never leave me.Promise me?”

The words make Seonghwa gasp and a furl of pure possessiveness unfurls in him and he wraps his arms around Yeosang, fucking deep into him.

“Never, never.You belong to me, always.”

Yeosang sobs, wrapping both arms around his neck, using it as leverage to meet Seonghwa’s thrusts.They’re kissing, and it’s all open mouths, moans and hot breath and dark eyes, watching one another fall apart.Yeosang spills between them, untouched, and Seonghwa fucks him through it, slowing his hips, hitting the bundle of nerves that makes Yeosang writhe with over stimulation but Seonghwa knows how much he can push and he lets himself take advantage and follows Yeosang over the edge within a few thrusts. 

They’re a mess, covered in sweat and cum and they’re breathing raggedly, coming down from the high but Yeosang’s leaning close, kissing him long and sweet and Seonghwa feels helpless in the face of how much he loves this boy who gives of himself so endlessly, so passionately. 

“Hey,” he says when Yeosang sits back a little. He pushes his hair away from his face and smiles at him.“You good?”

A flush spreads across Yeosang’s cheeks and his smile is soft, a little gone, a lot sweet.“Lets never use a condom again? I like feeling you.”

“It’s messy,” Seonghwa says.“I can feel it dripping out of you.”

“Oh my god, you can’t just _say that_ ,” Yeosang gasps, laughing.

“Why not?” Seonghwa leans close, presses his lips to the shell of his ear. “Do you want me to eat it out of you?”

“Are you trying to kill me?”Yeosang’s eyes are very big.

“Is that a yes?”

“Hwa, no, what?”

Seonghwa laughs at Yeosang’s little shriek as he lifts him off his lap and pushes him onto his knees, so that he’s ass up in front of Seonghwa.

“Are you serious?” His voice is shaking.“Hwa?”

Seonghwa takes him time to appreciate that sweet ass, running his hands across the curve and dip of them, running a thumb around the ring of muscle, making them both hum softly. 

“So gorgeous like this,” Seonghwa tells him, soothing a hand along his back.“But you look a little sore, so maybe we hold off on round two for a bit?Maybe have a shower?” Yeosang let out a soft gasp as Seonghwa bent forward and bit into his right ass cheek.“But it’s really tempting to just keep going, baby.You look so good like this.You take me so well.”He moves his mouth so that he can breathe over Yeosang.“Baby, what do you want to do?”

“More,” Yeosang tells him, reaching a hand behind him.“Please, Hwa.”

“Good boy,” Seonghwa says, gripping his fingers.“Are you comfortable?”

“Hmmm,” Yeosang offers, pulling a pillow under his head, staying very still as Seonghwa resettles behind him. 

“Use colours for me, pretty thing.What’s the word to make me stop?”

“‘ingale,” Yeosang whispers, the word mangled.“Nightingale, Hwa.I’m green, green for go.”

Seonghwa spends the night wrecking Yeosang, edging him and drawing slow orgasms from him.He pays for it in turn the next night when Yeosang turns on him, pins him down and ties him up lightly with ribbons, blindfolds him, and takes his time turning them both into mindless gasping wrecks.

***

Seonghwa is in class on the Monday after the gallery showing when he feels his phone buzzing. It buzzes a few more times, then goes quiet.Knowing that the professor enjoys throwing phones in his drawer if he spots anyone mucking around on them, he opts to leave it in his hip pocket and tries to pay attention to the man’s droning voice.

They were two weeks from school holidays.Exams start in two days.Why they were in class is beyond him.He’s unable to remember his own name from how tired he is but he has to be here, in case there are questions in the exam about…he glances down at the text book open next to him…the impact of Historical Genesis of Cultural Art Theory and he just wants to die now please, dear god, take him now. He’s had mind-blowing sex, he’s had his art in a gallery, he’s flown in a private jet, everything after this now is just crumbs. 

But he doesn’t die. Not even close.The two hour lecture finishes and he packs his bags and slumps out into the fresh air and daylight and he’s halfway to the coffee shop when he remembers his phone buzzing.He fishes it out and grins when he sees the missed calls from Jisung. 

He pops his earphones on and calls him back so he can be handsfree.The call is answered within seconds.

“Hyung!” Jisung says and Seonghwa grins.Not even Jongho calls him hyung so he’s not used to it, but he loves hearing it coming from his boyfriend’s little brother.“Where have you been? I’ve called you like a million time!”

“I know.I was in class.What’s up?”

“Are you with YeoYeo?”

“No.Our schedules don’t match today so I’ll maybe see him tonight, why?”

“It’s just…something’s happened.”

Seonghwa refuses to panic.He does however stop walking and sits down on one of the empty benches. 

“Are you okay?”

“Yes? No, no I’m really not fucking okay.” Jisung’s voice over the phone is deeper than he remembers but even so, there’s a tone of something that puts Seonghwa on alert.

“Swearing,” he says automatically but Jisung just hisses at him.“Tell me what’s going on, Jisung.”

“My grandfather called a few minutes ago.”

“Okay.”

“And he’s pulling me out of school.”

Seonghwa sat upright.“What.”

“Yeah, I mean, the fuck? He’s sending me abroad after term ends.”

“How abroad?”

“America.New York, apparently.He’s already enrolled me in a school there.”

“Yeosang is going to hit the roof.” Seonghwa stares across the path towards the trees and the main road.He was not going to have enough time to grab a coffee and head to his next class.But it’s fine.Talking to Jisung now is what’s important.He felt responsible for this boy.“Why did you call me and not Yeosang?”

“Because I haven’t been able to get hold of him?”

Fright clenches hard around Seonghwa’s lungs.“Fuck,” he says, his brain stuttering.“Fuck.”

“Hyung, hyung, why are you panicking?”

“I’m not…panicking, I’m just, I dropped my bag.”

“Yah, I’m young, not stupid,” Jisung says and as panicked as Seonghwa is, Jisung’s exasperated tone makes him grin.

“I’ll call you back in a few minutes, okay?”

“Okay, hyung. Find YeoYeo, please.He always picks up when I call him.”

“I know, Jisung, I know.”

And Seonghwa _does_ in fact know that Yeosang will answer his phone regardless of where he is, workshop or class, even if it’s 2 a.m. in the morning. 

He call Yeosang once and it goes to voicemail.He leaves a _hey pretty thing, call me?_ and then he sends a group chat message asking everyone if they’ve seen Yeosang at all.In the meantime his thumb hovers over the find my pet app on his phone, praying that he wouldn’t have to use it.Wooyoung messages back _I left for class early this morning but I didn’t see him at all, soz._ No one has spoken to Yeosang today.Hongjoong just messages him privately with _check the fucking app_ and so he does. 

He opens it and waits for it the calibrate and he waits, staring at the little screen, holding his breath.It flickers then, showing him the little dot and he zooms in closer, reading the address.It was Yeosang’s apartment.Which, was good, right?A taxi hurtles towards him as he nears the cafe and he flags it down, jumps in the back and gives the guy the address.

Once he settles in the back, he calls Yeosang’s number.It rings through to voicemail.He calls twice more.And the third time, the call doesn’t even connect.His phone has been turned off.

Twenty minutes later, thank you Seoul traffic, they pull up outside of the apartment block and Seonghwa throws too much money at the driver before he jumps out of the car. He keys in the security code and runs up the stairs to the third floor and knocks.There’s no answer.None.He presses his ear against the door and stills his breathing and listens.And there’s nothing.Nothing at all.So he keys in his entry code, the one Yeosang had given him, the date of the day they met, and he walks into the apartment. 

There’s a hushed stillness to the air, as if the entire apartment is holding its breath.Seonghwa looks around the kitchen and living room area, but nothing is out of place.Everything is tidy.Unlike him and Hongjoong, Woo and Yeosang’s apartment always looks show home ready.But there’s something about the neatness that sits badly with Seonghwa today.He looks around, takes in the bookcases, the coffee table books on the crate they use as a coffee table, the dishes sitting on the wash-up.Then, drawing a deep breath, he walks towards Yeosang’s room.The door is open and he hesitates before stepping into the room.It’s empty. The bed has been stripped, the walls are bare.The wardrobe is empty with only a hundred hangers bearing testimony to Yeosang’s presence. There’s white noise in his head and he has to sit on the edge of the bed, for just a minute, to stop his hands from trembling.It doesn’t work, his hands don’t stop trembling and there’s real fear now. 

He walks over to the dresser, checks the drawers.They’re all empty, as is the table where Yeosang had his laptop and speakers set up.The surfaces are all wiped clean.He’d been erased from the room, as if he’d never existed.His mood boards that held favourite pictures, sketches, swatches of fabric, it’s all gone.

Seonghwa checks the app.It shows him he’s at the location he needs to be to find his pet.There’s no sign of anything that looks like the bracelet Yeosang wears.He drops to his knees and looks under the bed, using the flashlight on the back of his phone to check the darker areas.Nothing.Not even a dust bunny.What the fuck? He walks out of the room into the bathroom Yeosang and Woo share.All of Yeosang’s toiletries are gone.He checks the medicine cabinet.Yeosang’s prescribed tablets from his therapist are gone too.

Methodically, Seonghwa goes through the apartment, carefully checking everywhere for the bracelet which the app insists is right there. He finds nothing.He even, and he hates himself for this, goes through Wooyoung’s room but there’s nothing there either.He could do without knowing what sex toys live in the drawer of the little bedside table, but in the grand scheme of things, its something he can ignore entirely.

He goes back to Yeosang’s room and stands there, staring at everything, trying to find something, some clue.His eyes lands on the mattress and he remembers helping Yeosang flip it because it had become too lumpy and he’d seen Yeosang’s passport and some other official documents against the base.He’d still laughed at Yeosang and told him it was the worst hiding place in the world ever and Yeosang had told him to shut up, that it was so obvious that no one would think to look…

Seonghwa flips the mattress off the base entirely. And his knees almost give out.Pushed far enough towards the middle of the bed, to be undetected by a cursory arm thrust beneath the mattress and the base, is the little rope bracelet pulled tight around a rolled piece of paper.

He picks it up and sits on the base board holding the note and the bracelet in his hand. He doesn’t know how long he sits like that. It feels like an eternity but eventually he pulls the piece of paper out of the little loop the bracelet made and opened it.It’s in Yeosang’s handwriting, written hurriedly, he could tell by the way the ink is a little smudged.

“ _My dearest Hwa, I am so sorry.I wish I could explain, but I couldn’t risk seeing you.I’m leaving all this behind, not because I want to, but because it’s for the best, it really is.Please, don’t try and find me because I don’t think I can keep you safe.I love you. I love you so much, you can’t begin to understand how deeply I care for you and treasure you.I’m leaving because I have no choice.I know this is awful and you’re going to hate me.That’s okay.I can accept that, but please, don’t…don’t make yourself a target. I can’t stand the idea of anything happening to you.Hate me, instead because I let this happen.I was stupid because I thought I could have a normal life.I’m sorry my love.I love you so much. I’m going to miss you until this world ends. Please, stay safe for both our sakes. Yours forever, Yeosang xoxo”_

_***_

“He left,” Hongjoong repeats himself for possibly the fourth time.He’s holding the note in his hand, the bracelet in the other.“He left just like that without telling anyone, not even Woo.”

Seonghwa nods, his throat thick, his eyes burning. It’s been hours and he’s not cried. He’s called Miss Angie but she was in California so the timings are all a big mess, so he left her a garbled message.Jisung, Jisung hasn’t answered his phone at all either, and that is somehow even worse because he was the only line to Yeosang Seonghwa had left.

“What do I do, HJ?” Seonghwa leans forward, his head in his hands as he rest his elbows on his knees.“What am I going to do? I’m so worried.I am so scared for him.Is he safe? Where is he?”

“I don’t know, Hwa.” Hongjoong sat on the coffee table in front of Seonghwa and carefully lay the letter aside, next to the bracelet.“I’m so incredibly sorry.”

“I’m not even angry?”

“Of course you’re not angry.You love him.You know he wouldn’t just leave you like that without a good reason.”

Seonghwa nods at his best friend’s words, blinking rapidly against the threatening tears. 

“I’m so worried.What if he’s hurt? What if he’s scared?”Seonghwa pinches both his eyes shut and breathes.“I don’t know who to call or who to speak to. I can’t call the police.Miss Angie is in California. I’m just…”

Hongjoong wordlessly pulls him forward into a hug.It’s awkward and in the end Hongjoong just has to settle in Seonghwa’s lap and he holds him, both arms wrapped around his shoulders, swaying them from side to side.

“I’m so sorry, my friend.I’m so fucking sorry.”

Seonghwa eventually cries.And it’s ugly and raw.He feels like he’s breaking.He feels like parts of him are breaking off and slipping away, leaving him a raw bleeding mess. Hongjoong tries to help, as much as he can, but he’s more about actions and he’s not a words person, but he does hold Seonghwa until the sobbing stops for a bit, at least.Then he marches him to the bathroom, makes him undress and pushes him into the shower.

“I’ll order us food.Get clean, put on clothes and come eat.”

“I’m not hungry.”

“Like I care.You’re eating.I’m not having you pass out on me because you’re starving yourself like some prima donna.”

And so Seonghwa showers between bouts of sobbing, letting his tears mingle with the water and he leans there for an age, shaking.His boy is gone.Just like that.Exactly as he had feared and it was his fault.Of course it was his fault.Before he came into Yeosang’s life, he’d been living peacefully, designing his clothes, keeping to himself.The minute Seonghwa had turned up, things had gone to shit.

Hongjoong finds him half an hour later, sitting on his bed, just staring at the shirt in his hand.It’s one of Yeosang’s and it still smelled like him.He turns his eyes to Hongjoong, bites his lip and starts crying again.Hongjoong doesn’t lose his patience.He pulls the shirt over Seonghwa’s head, dresses him and tows him to the living room which was now full of everyone.His friends are noisy and ridiculous and they are doing their utmost to act normal but Wooyoung is there too and he looks as broken and shook up as Seonghwa felt. 

Seonghwa eats, because Hongjoong threatens to force feed him if he doesn’t eat at least one bowl of bibimbap.And Wooyoung forsakes Jongho to curl up next to Seonghwa and cuddle him. 

“I’m sorry,” Wooyoung says, again, for the umpteenth time.“I had no idea.He was fine last night.Everything was okay.Yeosang can’t lie for shit so what ever happened happened after I left for school today.”

“We can go to Baek directly,” Yunho says.“Ask him what the fuck he’s done with Yeosang.”

“You think he’d tell us?” Hongjoong countered.“We won’t get within twenty metres of Baek or his building before we’re stopped.”

Seonghwa listens to them arguing back and forth.Mingi had San in his lap and they were both unerringly in favour of fucking shit up and all they needed was someone to tell them what to do. Jongho tries to be the voice of reason but then Wooyoung started crying and well, that was it. Everyone was freaking out and Seonghwa was just so monumentally tired. So he slipped away to his room and he rolled onto his mattress and inhaled deeply.His bedding smelled of Yeosang. He pulled out his phone and rapidly sent a message, not thinking, just writing.

_Yeosang_

_I love you_

_Please come back to me_

_I’ll do anything_

_Anything_

***

School is shit. He finishes his exams but he just doesn’t care.Nothing matters at all and he hates himself for feeling this numb.An email from the gallery confirms that monies will be arriving in his account soon and one morning, a few days before the summer holidays starts, he looks at his bank balance and blinks.There’s money there, a lot of money.He emails the gallery and gets information about which pieces of art sold.They also inform him that the items not for sale are ready for collection. 

He goes to the gallery and collects his sketches and Yeosang’s painting and takes a taxi back to his studio. He’s not been at the studio since Yeosang left.It feels odd being here without him.He stores the canvas with care, files the sketches.Stares at the canvas he had been working on and on impulse he opens a tin of black paint and just flings it at the canvas.It leaves a thick black arc of darkness across the otherwise gorgeous colours.Oddly, the black enhances the colour.Annoyed, he tosses the tin to the side and slams back out of the studio, locking it behind him. 

_I have your painting_

_I still would like for you to have it_

_Please call me_

_Tell me you’re okay_

_I miss you so much_

None of the messages have been read.He’s tried calling at odd times too, but the phone isn’t connected.He goes on holiday with the guys, like planned.They hire a camper van and it’s chaos and loud and everyone has fun. They camp under the stars and stay up late telling ghost stories and they wake up early to go surf.And Seonghwa tries, he really tries, but he feels lost.He watches everyone and feels like a part of him is missing.He laughs and he jokes, but none of it makes it to his heart, the way it had before.

Sometimes the ache is so bad, so physically impairing, that he finds himself gasping for air.There’s one morning, when they’re on the beach, and it is hot and its before anyone else is there, and the sea is gorgeous and the sky is the purple blue it gets to be before sunrise, and he finds himself turning to tell Yeosang that he wants to paint it, just like that, but there’s no one there.No Yeosang.His absence is a gaping hole and he sobs as he walks into the waves until he’s so deep that all he has to do is tilt his head back a little and the waves push him under.

***

Miss Angie checks in occasionally.She’s not been able to reach either Jisung or Yeosang either.Baek and his lawyers have been stonewalling her every step of the way.But she’s mean and she promises Seonghwa that she’ll keep on trying until she gets something, anything.

Seonghwa goes back to Seoul after three weeks of travelling with the boys, leaving them behind because he just doesn’t feel it.His presence brings them down and they had the right to have a good summer, without the thundercloud that is Seonghwa hanging over them.

***

_I am back in Seoul_

_We went camping like we said_

_I hated it_

_I miss you so much it hurts_

_I pray every night that you’re safe_

_Please let me know what I did wrong_

_***_

_School is a dull._

_I’ve started my final year._

_I want you here._

_I miss you every day_

_I still love you_

_***_

_It’s spring_

_The colours are coming back to the world_

_But my heart is full of shadows_

_I haven’t painted in months_

_I miss you_

_I’ll always love you_

_***_

_Miss Angie took us to Japan_

_All of us, to go and see the cherry blossoms_

_She is so worried about you and Jisung_

_We all are_

_I miss you_

_Please tell me you’re okay?_

_***_

_It’s your birthday today_

_Happy birthday, my love, my pretty thing_

_I’m sad I can’t be with you_

_I hope you’re happy_

_That you’re safe_

_I love you more than words_

_I miss you_

_***_

_The air-conditioning is still broken_

_Summer in Seoul is awful_

_It’s our one year anniversary today._

_I love you still._

_***_

_I’m working on my final project for class._

_I don’t feel it._

_The spark isn’t there anymore._

_I miss you so much every day_

_I love you._

_***_

_I interviewed for a job today._

_Sangie._

_God I wish you were here_

_***_

_I graduated._

_Everyone was there._

_I miss you._

_Come back to me._

_I hope you’re safe._

_I love you._

_***_

_I started work at a small company this month._

_I’m learning so much._

_We specialise in art restoration._

_I want to share this with you so much._

_I’m working with another restorer, learning from her._

_We’re working on a Klimt for a private client._

_I think you’d love it._

_***_

_I miss you_

_God, you can’t imagine how much I miss you._

_***_

_Please, just tell me you’re okay_

_***_

_HJ and Yunho are engaged_

_They’re going to New York to get married_

_Seeing them together hurts so much_

_God, Sangie, where are you_

_I pray you’re safe_

_I love you_

_***_

_Jongho and Woo have moved in together_

_It’s so sweet_

_Woo really struggles with how much he misses you_

_He refused to let Jongho out of his sight for months after you left_

_Please be safe_

_***_

_I got a promotion today_

_I’ve impressed them with my dedication_

_Little do they know I have no life and restoring art is how I now keep sane_

_***_

_I’ve got my own place now that HJ and Yunho are married_

_It’s not very big, but I like it._

_I think you would too._

_The light is perfect in the late afternoons._

_I’ve been sketching again._

_I miss my studio._

_I miss you._

_I love you._

_***_

_Happy birthday my love_

_***_

_Second anniversary._

_I haven’t stopped loving you._

_***_

_They’re sending me to Florence on secondment._

_I wish you were going with me._

_***_

_I saw Michaelangelo’s David today._

_I cried._

_***_

_I love Florence_

_I mean, there are so many pretentious people here._

_But the art, Sangie_

_The colours_

_I’ve started painting again_

_***_

_I painted you today_

_You look happy_

_***_

_I go to galleries every day_

_I go to museums on weekends_

_Staff have started recognising me_

_I feel famous_

_***_

_I’ve been in Florence for three months_

_I’m taking a week and I’m driving through Tuscany_

_I think I’m healing_

_I still miss you_

_But I no longer cry myself to sleep every night_

_Only some nights_

_***_

_I’m in Siena_

_The colours are beautiful_

_The palette is umber, verdigris_

_I miss you_

_I wish you were here_

_***_

_I visited a Renaissance church in Arezzo today._

_The frescoes are burned into the back of my head_

_I have never seen anything like it_

_My love_

_I pray you are safe_

_***_

It’s a week after he gets back to Florence when Seonghwa’s phone starts buzzing endlessly in his drawer.His co-worker, a pristinely attractive Italian woman, frowns at him over her glasses perched on her nose.She’s used to the endlessly quiet days they spend together and Seonghwa is too, so the buzzing feels really loud. But then, he never takes personal calls, because no one ever calls him.So her frown deepens and she gestures impatiently.

“Answer,” she tells him in Italian and Seonghwa grabs for his drawer.

“This is Seonghwa,” he says, smiling painfully and apologetically at her.

“Park Seonghwa!” The voice is loud, overly loud and he winces.“It’s San!”

“Sannie, you don’t have to shout, I can hear you fine.”

“Whatever, Hwa, do you have access to a TV right now? Or the internet?”

“We have internet in Florence, San,” he says.“Why are you asking.”

“Literally go onto any Korean newspaper website. You can’t miss it.”

His heart in his throat, Seonghwa cradles his phone against his ear as he tries to remember a Korean website that carries the news, actual news, not just idol gossip.“What time is it there right now?”

“Hwa, oh my god, focus.We’re only eight hours ahead, so it’s just gone nine p.m.”There’s noise in the background and Mingi’s voice comes over, clear as day.“We miss you, Hwa!”

“Tell Mingi I miss him too.What am I looking…oh,” Seonghwa grabs the phone before it can drop.“Holy shit.Baek is dead?”

“Yessss,” San cries, petty and vindictive and gleeful.“I’ve got my phone set to send me alerts whenever there’s anything in the news about him.This literally just broke, like fifteen minutes ago.”

“Well, that’s…that’s something.”There’s a beeping noise in his ear and he pulls his phone away from his ear.“I’ve gotta go, Miss Angie is calling me.”

“Okay, talk later, love you. Come back soon.Seoul isn’t the same without your mopey ass.”

Seonghwa laughs and rings off before answering the other call.“I saw,” he says, without preamble. “San just called to tell me.”

“That boy is _good_ ,” Miss Angie says, her voice, like San’s gleeful.“I did well recruiting him.But anyway, you saw the news?”

“Baek is dead,” Seonghwa says.“Do we think Yeosang will make an appearance?”

“I will bet my future ex-husband’s life on it,” Miss Angie says, glib, making Seonghwa grin. “He is the heir apparent.”

“What about his aunt and uncle?”

“Who cares, they have no leg to stand on.Their board only tolerated them because Baek was alive.”

“Miss Angie, I have to go.I’m at work right now.But please, call me or message me the minute you hear anything more.About…about either of them, please?”

“I will, Hwa.Take care.”

He hangs up and smiles at his mentor.“ _Grazie mille, Camille. La mia famiglia_.”

The woman nods, her gaze still heavy on his face. “ _Va tutti bene?”_

Seonghwa ducks his head at the question.Was he alright? No, he was anything but alright.But he put a smile on his face and nods.“ _Si, grazie._ ”

He doesn’t hear anything more from anyone by the time he gets to his tiny apartment. He lets himself in, kicks his shoes off and changes into a pair of shorts and t-shirt that’s covered in paint and opens his laptop. He watches the news clips, he reads every single article.There are photos of Yeosang’s aunt and uncle arriving at the hospital looking suitably sad and stoic.There’s speculation about who will inherit what.There are photos, old photos of both Yeosang and Jisung, that make their way into the reports.There’s speculation about which of the two grandsons will be asked to take over.So far, no one has been able to reach either of them.The family spokesman, Secretary Min, holds a press conference, reading a carefully worded press release thanking everyone for their heartfelt wishes and commiserations on Chairman Baek’s passing, confirming that he had died from complications due to his previously diagnosed cancer. 

Seonghwa stares at the man, wishing desperately he could look him in the eye and ask him exactly what the fuck was going on and demand to know what they’d done with Yeosang for two years.No one disappears like that, absolutely no one, without a trace.Unless of course, they were dead.

There were times when Seonghwa wondered.In the deepest darkest recesses of his mind, in the deepest darkest shadows of night when the voices that lurked in the shadows were really loud, when they got their fangs in him, sunk deep and drew blood, when he lay awake with tears silently falling, that he wondered if Yeosang was dead. 

With every unanswered message, with every hour, day, week and month that passed, Seonghwa fought against the thought.He’d know, he tells himself.He’d know one hundred percent for certain if his boy had died.Miss Angie had pulled strings, she’d had people infiltrate Baek, she committed cyber crime and she’d set up different private investigators to find Yeosang and Jisung.There was no sign of them at all.She had her people hack transport hub cameras,satellites, the level of her searches blew Seonghwa’s mind, but they turned up nothing.And that gave Seonghwa hope, against all odds, it gave him hope and he clung to it desperately. 

He falls asleep on his tiny couch and shuffles to his room in the small hours where he falls asleep in an exhausted drift. He goes for a run before work, stops for an espresso at the little bar down the road from his tiny apartment and passes a few moments to catch his breath.He showers, dresses and goes to work.It’s quiet and it’s good and he keeps his head in the game.There are no more messages from San or the others.The silence from Miss Angie is resounding. He keeps up with the happenings in South Korea.Baek Industries’ stock had taken a tumble at the announcement of the chairman’s passing, but it quickly righted itself. 

Two weeks pass and everyone checks in with him, to make sure he’s okay.Miss Angie sends obnoxious messages and old memes that make him smile and he’s okay.He’s thinks he’s okay.

***

_I saw the news about your grandfather_

_I am so sorry, my love_

_I know he was awful_

_But he was your family_

_I hope you’re safe now_

_I miss you_

_I love you_

_***_

_I’m coming back to Seoul in a month_

_My secondment is up_

_I wish my first trip to Florence had been with you_

_Maybe the next one will be the two of us?_

_***_

_I said goodbye to Florence today_

_I leave tomorrow_

_***_

The messages are still not showing as read.Seonghwa forgets how many he’s sent.So many over two years, endlessly talking to his boy and getting no answer back.He’s not prepared to stop, especially not now. He finishes up the restoration of the project with Camilla and she drives him to the airport and hugs him and kisses both his cheeks and waves him goodbye, calling him _caro amico_ and telling him sincerely in her newly learned Korean that she would like to see him again.He promises that he’ll come back and he boards the plane feeling like it’s a promise he’ll keep.

They land to thunderstorms in Seoul and Seonghwa steps through passport check into the receiving hall and spots a uniformed driver holding a placard up with his name.His boss had told him that someone would collect him from the airport as the plane touched down at an ungodly hour and they didn’t expect Seonghwa to take public transport to get home.

He settles in the back of the SUV and closes his eyes, exhausted. He had no sleep on the plane, his legs not quite folding properly to fit in the small allocated space assigned to him.His seat mate had gotten up several times to use the toilet and it kept him from sleeping properly.

He wanted nothing more than to just collapse face first into his bed and sleep for a few hours at least.It was Thursday, he checks his phone to make sure, it was Thursday and he had Friday off and was back at work on Monday.The plans are to meet up with everyone and catch up with them on Saturday, so he has two days to get himself into a the semblance of who they expected to see.Someone who had moved on, someone who had their shit together.No one knew about the messages he still sent Yeosang’s phone.That was between him and his phone. No one knew how deep the tear in his heart went.And he was fine with that.They meant well and had in the past try to set him up with people but he’d shown no interest and after an almost-fight where he had walked out of the restaurant and refused to talk to any of them for almost a week, they’d stopped.

They didn’t get it.They didn’t understand that although everything had changed, nothing had. He was still achingly in love with Yeosang. He sketched small sketches of hm in the small sketchbook he carries with him everywhere, he still spoke to him, he still missed him endlessly. He goes through his life feeling like he’s waiting.And he realises it’s Not Good.In fact, he’s been to see Yeosang’s therapist a few times.Spoke about his inability to let go and she’d listened, and she’d given him advice, and he didn’t like it, so he stopped going.But he liked her and liked that she had looked after his boy when he needed it.

He walks into his apartment and he’s grateful to Hongjoong who’d been in to air it and stock the fridge.He drops his bags and has a shower, doing everything on autopilot, before he collapses in his bed and sleeps for a solid eight hours barely moving.

***

_I’m back._

_I missed Seoul so much._

_Everywhere I look, I see you._

_Please come back to me._

_I love you._

_***_

A month passes by and Seonghwa finds a small studio for himself.He spends all his free time there, making art. It’s a communal building, but smaller than the one he shared with the jeweller and other designers in the past.His space is also smaller.He takes his time to set it up just how he wants it.San and Mingi visit often.They’ve graduated and San works as a junior media manager for Kang Tech.Mingi choreos for a small yet feisty company that manage a handful of rookie idol groups.Hongjoong has taken over some of his brother’s clubs and everything is now legit.Yunho’s become a well known artist and he exhibits his art across South Asia and he’s often travelling to France or the UK to do shows.Wooyoung teaches English and Korean Literature at a private school and Jongho is finishing up art school. 

***

_Yunho and HJ are adopting_

_They told me about it a while ago but it’s been difficult for them_

_You can imagine the hoops they have to jump through_

_But they’ve been approved_

_They showed me photos of the baby_

_Sangie, she is the most precious thing I’ve seen_

_They are going to make such good dads_

_***_

_Jongho is graduating._

_He’s grown so tall and he is so handsome_

_Woo is still besotted with him_

_I think he’s going to propose soon._

_I miss you_

_***_

_I spent the day with Yunho and HJ_

_I got to hold the baby_

_They’ve called her Jin-ae_

_They call me Uncle Hwa_

_I cried so much_

_She’s so unbelievably tiny_

_But ugly too? But so cute._

_I miss you so deeply._

_***_

__

Christmas sneaks up on them.Seonghwa’s mom is abroad and he’s invited, they’re all invited, to spend it at Yunho and Hongjoong’s house.It big enough to hold them all and everyone descends with presents, food and good cheer.

Jin-ae is universally adored but she has a soft spot for Hwa which he is secretly deeply happy about.She’s no longer a rumpled little thing with lungs of steel and instead her little eyes are sharp as they track Uncle Hwa around the lounge as he serves snacks ahead of their food arriving.

She’s sitting in her high chair and it’s way past her bedtime but no one really cares and they talk and play with her and her laughter is bright and loud as she giggles hysterically at being tickled.Presents will be handed out in the morning but they’ve given her a small teddy bear to play with. 

Seonghwa has her on his hip as he waltzes her around the room to the newest Kpop band playing from Hongjoong’s iPod when there’s a knock on the door.They’ve opted for take-away tonight purely because they’d be cooking most of the following day. 

He waves Hongjoong back into the kitchen where he’s busy making a batch of cocktails for everyone.They’re playing some kind of ridiculous board game called Zombie and it’s become loud, with arguments.Seonghwa checks his pocket to make sure he’s got change so he can tip the driver and he jiggles Jin-ae closer as she starts fussing and swings the door open.

“Thank you,” he says to the man, not looking up as he tries to sort the change out in his other hand. “I don’t have enough hands to take it from you so if you put it down I can…” His voice trails off as he looks up and stares.Because it’s Yeosang.It’s Yeosang.It’s his boy.He registers, somewhere, at the back of his mind, that the uniformed driver from the restaurant they’d ordered from was jumping back on his motorcycle, leaving just him and Yeosang, staring at one another.His arms full of Jin-ae whilst Yeosang is holding the take-away food bags he’d taken from the driver before knocking.

The breath rushes out of Seonghwa and he leans against the doorjamb, his knees suddenly very weak. Jin-ae is staring at Yeosang intently, a frown puckering her little face into a fierce scowl.Then she kicks her legs against Seonghwa’s stomach and holds her hands out towards Yeosang, straining against Seonghwa’s arm around her waist.

“Uh” she says, determinedly.“Ha, uh!”

Yeosang puts the bags of food down inside the door and reaches for her, wordlessly.His gaze goes from Seonghwa to the little girl and Seonghwa lets her go because he can’t not. Yeosang holds her lightly, and she smiles in delight and presses her face against his and squirms a little so that she can see Seonghwa and he barely sees his goddaughter’s face smiling at him.It’s Yeosang. 

The noise in his head is the rushing of wind and he can’t breathe. 

He has no breath left and he turns around and walks away from Yeosang, deeper into the house, leaving the door open.He hears Hongjoong shout at him to close the door, that he was letting the heat out and then, then he’s crumpling to his knees, shoulders shaking as he’s racked by sobs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whelp. 
> 
> Did you survive? 
> 
> Come shout at me on Twitter: @LizzieSunbae


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the part where I tell you I'm fine, but I'm lying
> 
> I just don't want you to worry
> 
> This is the part where I take all my feelings and hide 'em
> 
> 'Cause I don't want nobody to hurt me
> 
> \- Lyrics, Wishing Well by Juice WRLD

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I'm tagging this chapter for: 
> 
> depression  
> abuse  
> suicidal thoughts  
> suicide attempts   
> talk about murder  
> self hatred 
> 
> this shit is dark  
> I'm not kidding - please be aware

**2 years, four months, 3 weeks and 2 days ago**

Yeosang stood in the middle of his room.It had been stripped of all personality, all his belongings packed away, and he felt…nothing.Or rather, he felt too much, the thought of what he was doing was overwhelming, too big, too awful, too momentous, to consider for even one second longer than he should so he folded it up.He took it, folded it up, small, tiny, microscopic and he swallowed it whole and pressed it down, down, and fought the sob lodged in his throat.Instead he concentrated on carefully working the bracelet off his arm.

His fingers trembled so much he fumbled it twice.He was in two minds leaving it behind but he knew he had to. He had no choice.He couldn’t risk Hwa. He knew he’d not give up, not if the bracelet went with him and actively pinged on the pet app.He rolled up the note he’d written, wishing he’d been able to say more, but knowing it wouldn’t help.Then he raised his mattress, climbed underneath it and put the bracelet in as far as he could, knowing that Seonghwa would find it.

He looked at the ring on his finger and just shook his head to himself. No, he’d not do that. He couldn’t give this up too.This he’d take with him.This would be his always.What he did do was move it from his right hand to his left.It fit his ring finger perfectly.

He looked around once last time before he stepped out of the room, made sure everything was in order throughout the whole apartment, before he fixed the mask to his face, slid his sunglasses on and put the baseball cap over his newly dyed honey blond hair. 

Outside the building the black SUV rumbled in the parking lot, the three bodyguards giving him the space he requested.He didn’t look at the other SUV, the other guards, the smaller sedan idling a few metres away.He didn’t acknowledge any of it because it would mean this was real.

He slid into the back with a bodyguard on either side of him, the other riding shotgun beside the driver. 

***

_I think it’s been a month, my love, since I left.Maybe more? That was the agreement I made to keep you safe.To keep everyone I care about safe.I have no access to social media, to the external world. They eventually let me have journals so that I could sketch and draw and ultimately use them for notes when I start school again.They took my phone, took out the sim, and made me watch as they microwaved it.I almost laughed because honestly, the fucking drama, right? I suppose I should be frightened, but I feel almost relieved, because I know I did the right thing and that you’re safe._

_***_

_I’m hurting so much.I tried to run.They fucked me up badly but I fought back.I think I broke someone’s jaw.Tell San thank you for teaching me to kick again._

_***_

_I saw pictures of you on campus. They showed them to me to remind me not to do something stupid again.I recognised one of the men in the background.My grandfather calls him his_ **_negotiator._ ** _He sat right next to you and the others.He was right there, Hwa.I was so frightened. I promised them I’d be good._

_***_

_My grandfather came yesterday.Knocked me around.Or rather, one of them knocked me around for him. He sat and watched, called me a disappointment, said I’ve embarrassed the Baek name with my - get this, you’re going to like this - faggotness. How is that even a word? I think I laughed at him, I can’t remember. I got hit in the head and only woke up later.I think it was today? I don’t know when it is now.I don’t have any way of telling._

_***_

_They’ve brought me to Switzerland. I hate Switzerland.I am due to start on a fast track of business studies when the new term starts.God, I hate the idea of business school so much. I can feel my soul being destroyed. I hate them so much.I’m never alone._

_***_

_My love, I miss you so much.I think about you all the time. I yearn to be with you, to feel you at my side. To have you call me pretty thing and hold me like I’m something fragile and precious.Fuck, I’m crying._

_***_

_I spoke to Jisung today for the first time since all of this. They took him too.They took him and flew him to New York. He was part of my agreement, that I would do this, if he was safe.And honestly, my grandfather is a fucking animal, because he’s doing the same thing to Jisung as he is to me.He made Jisung swear that he’d do this, go to New York and go to school there, study some fucking degree to do with investment and whatever, TO KEEP ME SAFE.He fucking played us both, Hwa.The Kang Bros are fools for those who they love and care about. Jisung swore he’d kill him with his bare hands.It made my watch dogs look uncomfortable.My grandfather called afterwards, told me to mind myself, that Jisung was very far from home and that New York was not Seoul and anything could happen to a young boy left alone in a big city like that._

_I want him dead._

_***_

_School is terrible. I don’t speak to anyone.No one comes near me.I’m not the only student who attends classes with bodyguards in tow, but I am the only one who has no access to the newest laptop, the newest phone.I’m old school, analog, with my journals and notebooks and pens and I suppose it creates some kind of mystique, right?_

_***_

_I had such a dream, Hwa.I dreamed I took you on holiday.We went to a private island and we did nothing but eat, sleep, swim and make love under the stars at night.It was so real.I could feel you moving inside me.I woke up crying._

_***_

_It’s Christmas. I’m in a villa in Switzerland. It’s snowing and I have never in my life felt more alone. I can’t breathe.It hurts so much, Hwa.I’ve kept busy.For five months, I’ve kept busy.Writing to you, like this. I’ve had my studies and keeping fit, but it’s so dark now.Nothing seems to matter anymore.I feel like Ishould just end it all.It makes so much sense.I’ve been too scared to think about it, but it makes sense. If I end it all all this pain will just go away, right? The darkness will be complete and you’ll be safe.He’ll have no reason to come after you. And you’ll be free._

_My sweet love, I think I fucked up._

_***_

_At least Switzerland has excellent emergency rooms, right?_

_I_ **_really_ ** _fucked up._

_My grandfather is angry._

_Almost makes it worth it._

_I miss you._

_***_

_It would have been our first Valentines Day._

_I know exactly what I would have bought you._

_***_

_I convinced them to buy me some fashion magazines. I will never take anything for granted ever again. I remember how much you loved looking through them for inspiration too. If my grandfather had not interfered in my life I would one day have been featured in here, maybe as an upcoming designer to watch.Maybe the profile would have been about us: me, the designer and my hot as fuck live-in lover who is this bohemian artist with a voice full of seduction.Shut up, let me have my fantasy._

_***_

_It’s your birthday today. They let me buy a cupcake and a small candle and I lit it and sent you my love and a wish for a happy life. I hope you had fun today._

_***_

_I have been having nightmares.Really bad ones, where it feels like I am suffocating.I barely sleep now. I miss you holding me._

_***_

_I haven’t heard from Jisung since the first time we spoke months ago. I am so worried about him.He doesn’t deserve this kind of shit, Hwa._

_***_

_For my birthday I got punched in the face. One of the watchdogs thought I was talking too long with the professor after class. I had to go to hospital so they could reset my nose.I look spectacular._

_***_

_Did you know, my love, that it is our anniversary today? I sat in the restroom at university and I cried so hard I got sick.I miss you. And I love you.And I hate myself.More than you can imagine, for agreeing to this.But I know what he’s capable of.I’ve seen it.I had to keep you safe._

_***_

_I was handed an envelope today.They were photos of you.You were with the others, just coming out of dance class.There was a boy with you.I don’t know who he was but you were smiling at him._

_***_

_Do you still think about me, Hwa? Do you think of me with love or do you hate me? I lie awake at night and I listen to my heartbeat and I wonder what it would be like to hear yours again.And then I sob but I have to be so so quiet because signs of weakness make the dogs especially vicious._

_***_

_I would have graduated today, with my degree in fashion design. I know you’ve graduated and I am so fucking proud of you. My strong beautiful handsome talented gorgeous wonderful boyfriend.God, I miss you with all my heart and soul.I wish more than anything to be there with you._

_***_

_Jisung finished high school. I saw the photos. He’s grown so tall, suddenly. Yunho and Hongjoong would be shocked to see their smoll boy they doted on look grown up.I’m so proud of him.I wish I could see him and hold him and tell him I love him.He’d fight me every step of the way._

_***_

_Everything is just so dark without you._

_I just can’t anymore._

_I can’t stop crying._

_I can’t breathe._

_***_

_I wonder what the others think of me, for leaving. Do they hate me as much as I hate myself? Do they think ‘Hwa could’ve done so much better’? ‘Hwa let that boy get under his skin and break his heart and we did warn him’? Do they hate me, Hwa? Do you hate me? I don’t know how you can’t not hate me. I made a mess of our lives.I had hope. That was my first mistake._

_***_

_My days are grey monotone. I miss how bright you are._

_***_

_Weeks are going by and I feel like I’m barely alive.Against my own wishes I’m doing well in the business degree. I have no life, which means the three year course will take me two years. It’s not like I’m sleeping anyway._

_***_

_How can I miss you this much, still? How are you always in my mind? How do I miss your voice, your touch? How can I still ache to be held by you? How can I still remember how you kiss me so passionately with your whole entire being? How? I can’t, Hwa.I feel like I’m losing my mind._

_***_

_My grandfather called.He spoke_ **_at_ ** _me.Miss Angie is making a lot of noise and he doesn’t like it.I’m not sure what he wants me to do about it? I have no influence over her.I have no access to phones, the internet, anything.I’m allowed one show a night on Netflix.And the dogs are always there, watching.I don’t think I’ve ever hated people as much as I hate them.There are four of them.2 on duty, 2 off duty.They do 12 hour shifts.I’ve wondered how to poison them.Or myself._

_***_

_What are you doing? Are you seeing anyone? Are they good to you? Do you hate me? Do you think about me at all?_

_***_

_I fucked up._

_I listened to the shadows._

_***_

_When I was discharged from hospital, they showed me photos of you. You are still so achingly elegant and beautiful. You still don’t know the danger you’re in. You haven’t noticed_ **_him_ ** **.** _I promised my grandfather I would not mess around anymore.He called me useless, an imbecile, ungrateful, a waste of his genes.I almost laughed. I don’t know why he’s keeping me alive. It would just be easier if he killed me.It’s not like he hasn’t killed before._

_***_

_Happy birthday to me. No punches this year. I was careful._

_***_

_I heard someone recite a poem today.It was on campus and I don’t know if it’s by someone famous or if they wrote it themselves.But the weight and the truth of it made my feet stumble, like I’d walked into an invisible fist to the gut.And I quote:_

_I never knew the aftermath could be the painful_

_I never knew that you miss someone_

_with the same fervour_

_with which you love them_

_I only cry now, because I’m writing this by the light of the moon shining through my window. Where are you now? Are you happy? Have you found someone else to love? Do you hate me? I am worthy of all the hate and I make no excuses save to say that, I deserve it.I was a coward.I still am.One day I hope to explain it all._

_***_

_It’s been months. I’ve not written.I’m sorry._

_Apparently he’s sick. Or rather, sicker.More sick? Sicklier? I wish he was dead._

_***_

_Did I mention how much I disliked this soulless business degree course? It is for people who have no spirit. I look around the classroom and I see people who are dead inside.I don’t want to be one of them._

_***_

_The nightmares are coming hard and fast, almost every night now for the past two months, so I try not to sleep.I cram, do mock exams, I read ahead and I stay awake because sleeping means things sitting on my chest, crushing my lungs, hands wrapped around my throat. Wouldn’t it be amazing if we had reset buttons? I could go back to a point in time in my life and hit reset and none of this would be happening._

_***_

_I missed our second anniversary by a month, my love.I was sick. Pneumonia, can you believe it? Who gets pneumonia in this day and age? Well, me apparently.But I’m healing the doctors seem to think.I’m catching up on all the schoolwork I’ve missed in the meantime.My grandfather called to tell me to stop being a disappointment._

_***_

_I hate this villa. I hate the dogs. I hate the fact that the sun is shining outside. I hate that I can’t go out. I hate._

_***_

_God, I don’t know what’s worse.The nightmares or the dreams of you. Both wake me up gasping and shaking. The dogs watch me carefully when I walk around the villa.It’s like they’re watching for something.I don’t know what.They don’t talk to me. I know they hate me.They couldn’t possibly hate me as much as I hate and detest them._

_***_

_He’s been taken to hospital._

_***_

_I feel nothing._

_I’m months away from finishing this degree._

_I will fucking finish it because it’s ammunition._

_***_

_My uncle called.I put down the phone.I don’t regret it.Not even when the dogs hit me._

_***_

_The dogs are gone.I have no idea what’s going on.The villa is empty of their presence.They left me the cars at least.I went to school like normal.Afterwards I went to the bank. I had my passport with me.I spoke to the manager, showed him my passport and got access to my account.They issued me a new card whilst I waited.I stopped and bought a new phone and a laptop._

_***_

_He’s dead.He’s actually fucking dead.I cannot believe it.I’m crying and laughing at the same time.I don’t know why I’m still writing these? Maybe it’s more than habit now? Maybe it’s a compulsion? But it helps me parse my emotions.My therapist has a lot to answer for._

_***_

_I just realised, I’m free._

_Jisung is free._

_We’re all free of him._

_I don’t know what to do._

_***_

_Miss Angie is coming to see me.I eventually called her, my love.I wrote my final exam this week.Remember how I told you about my five year plan? Well, I’m escalating it.I’m going to destroy Baek.I’m going to destroy everything he’s ever created.And I’m going to dance in the flames._

_***_

_Miss Angie is.She spent an hour yelling at me.Apparently I worried her a lot.I showed her the photos I had in my room.I’d kept them all, had them on the walls like some kind of psychopath.It was the only way I could stay close to any of you.When she saw the photos he’d sent of her, candid shots of her meeting investors and once, of her going on a date with an attractive older man, she burst out in tears.I pointed out the same man in each of the photos, the man in the background that no one ever notices.The_ **_negotiator_.** _She understood then, better. She doesn’t want to forgive me for disappearing, but I told her everything, all of what they did, all of what he allowed to happen, and she gets it now, I think.She understands better._

_***_

_We’re going to destroy Baek together._

_***_

**_Present day_ **

Yeosang dresses with care.It’s Christmas Eve and he’s about to step onto a podium and tell the world who he is, and what he’s planning to do.Jisung watches him with careful eyes.His brother is grown, a young and handsome adult who has the world at his feet, because Yeosang is about to give it to him.

The press is gathered, there are hundreds of them out there, it seems like, but Yeosang knows he’s being overly dramatic.Less than a hundred, at least, with some international agencies too.He glances at Miss Angie who looks immaculate, as always.There are maybe a few more lines on her attractive face, but she’s as beautiful and cool as ever.She catches his eye and walks towards him, waits for the make-up artist to finish with him, before she turns him around, fusses with his tie which is perfectly tied. 

He’s dressed in a black suit, a sharp almost piercingly white button up shirt and a dark maroon tie tied in a Balthus knot.His hair is longer and it’s been dyed black again. 

“You look good, Kang Yeosang,” she says, smoothing her hands over his shoulders.“Remember, chin up, shoulders back, look straight ahead, make eye contact here and there and just think _murder_ and you’ll be fine.”

Yeosang almost smiles at her but he nods.“Do you know where he is? For afterwards?”

“Do you take me for an amateur? Of course I know. I always know where he is.”

“You lost me for two years,” he points out, knowing that it will annoy her.But it’s too soon and he sees that.He sees the twist of pain in her eyes and he feels regret instantly.

“Yah, don’t be a brat,” she whispers, her eyes suddenly shiny.“I’m never letting you out of my sight ever again.I’m going to have you microchipped.”

“I’m sorry,” he says and means it.She doesn’t answer.She looks at Secretary Min who has aged several hundred years since Yeosang walked into the boardroom a few days ago.

“They’re ready for you,” the man says, his voice inflectionless as he stands aside and gestures for the door that leads out to the press room.

Yeosang takes a deep steadying breath, shucks his cuffs, and walks into the room as if he owns it.He’s had years to prepare for this.He ignores the cameras, the flashing lights and takes his place on the podium.He makes no gesture to calm the shouts, the questions being hurled at him, and oddly, a silence does eventually fall across the room. 

“Thank you,” he says, face serious, tone all business.“For joining us today at Baek Industries. We realise it’s Christmas and you’d rather be with your families, so we appreciate your time and we’ll make this short.My name is Kang Yeosang.I am the heir to Baek Industries.A few days ago, I was elected, unanimously, as chairman.” He doesn’t pause as hands go up from the audience.Instead he gestures as he speaks, asking them to be patient.“I have been abroad, studying, and was unable to be here for my grandfather’s funeral.I realise that there has been much speculation since his passing but I am here today to tell you about Baek’s future.”

***

Yeosang isn’t able to stop his hands from shaking.He’s settled in the back of the SUV with Miss Angie’s driver behind the wheel.Seoul is flashing by in a haze of bright lights and people.It’s cold and there’s been flurries of snow.He’s wearing a black overcoat and he’s still dressed in his suit.He’s taken no time to change because he needs to get there.He needs to find Seonghwa. 

They pull up outside of a medium sized home with a pretty front garden. It’s brightly lit.A motorcycle pulls up in front of the SUV as he steps out and he sees the man haul out two large bags of take away containers.He double checks the address on the little receipt and starts towards the door. 

Yeosang steps forwards, stops him.“Is this for number 1403?” He jerks a thumb to the house and the driver frowns at him.

“Yes?”

“Ah, great, I’ll take it if you don’t mind? I’m late.” Yeosang digs in his pocket and hands the man a wad of cash.The guy’s eyes bulge and his jaw drops but Yeosang is already relieving him of the bags and walking towards the front door.He can hear music and sees someone’s shadow against the windows.

He rings the bell before he can change his mind, gripping the bag handles tighter. It’s started snowing again and his breath puffs white as he waits for someone to open the door.He’s getting ready to ring the bell again. Maybe they’d not heard him, but then the door opens and it’s filled with Seonghwa. 

Seonghwa’s dressed in a black rollneck knitted jumper and dark jeans. His hair is shorter than Yeosang ever remembers it being, his bangs pushed back away from his forehead. What hits Yeosang harder though, punches him, sets him on fire is that Seonghwa’s holding a baby, a toddler, on his hip.His lines are still so beautifully effortlessly elegant.He still moves and stands like a dancer, even with the little girl in his arms.The little girl, his daughter?, is gripping a small teddy bear under one arm and she’s staring at Yeosang with an intensity that surprises him.She has a tiny glittery barrette in her hair and, Yeosang notices with surprise, so does Seonghwa.He stares, fascinated, because Seonghwa looks so soft, so beautiful in the light coming from behind him.He can hear San laughing and Woo’s ridiculous giggle from somewhere inside the house. It sounds warm, welcoming.

“Thank you,” Seonghwa says, not looking up as he tries to sort the change out in his other hand. “I don’t have enough hands to take it from you so if you put it down I can…”

Seonghwa jiggles his daughter a little to stop her from squirming and eventually clearly gives up trying to make sense of the change in the palm of his other hand and looks up, palm extended towards Yeosang.

For a second Yeosang wants to reach out towards him, to stop whatever is going to come next, but no words come out, at all.He watches, silently, as Seonghwa sags against the door, his face suddenly pale.

The little girl wriggles in Seonghwa’s arms, drawing Yeosang’s attention back to her little face that is pulled into a big frown. 

“Uh” she says, little mouth pouting.Then when Seonghwa doesn’t immediately do as she wishes, she wriggles a little more determinedly. “Ha, uh!”

Yeosang doesn’t know why he does it.He puts the bags down and takes her from Seonghwa’s arms that seem to have lost their strength.And she comes to him willingly, chubby little arms extended, her gaze alight with glee. Yeosang’s never held a small child before, and he’s surprised both by how light she is and yet how _solid._ She’s staring at him, so intently, but then she gives a delighted little laugh and presses her lips against his cheek in a wet little kiss, and nestles closer to him, her head under his chin, her arms around his neck. 

Yeosang’s eyes are on Seonghwa who looks like he wants to do many things at once, including run away.He watches him desperately trying to cope with seeing Yeosang again, sees him trying to make sense of it all, and when it doesn’t make any sense, he turns on socked feet, puts his back to Yeosang, posture perfect, and he walks away, leaving Yeosang on the doorstep holding his daughter.

“Yah!” Hongjoong shouts from somewhere.“Close the fuc- bloody door. Were you born in a barn? You’re letting all the warm air out.”

And then Hongjoong is standing there and Yeosang tries to smile but it feels odd.He’s not smiled in a very long time so instead he just settles for looking back at the man staring at him as if he’d seen a ghost.

“Coco,” he whispers through stiff lips.“What?”

“Hongjoong,” Yeosang says. “It’s me.”

“What?” Hongjoong says again, his voice a little louder this time.

The little girl in his arms lifts her head suddenly at Hongjoong’s voice, and he lifts his chin in time before she knocks his teeth together.She squirms towards Hongjoong, chubby little arms extended, leaning as far forward as Yeosang’s grip on her would allow.

“Dah!” she giggles.“M’dah!”

Yeosang feels his heart stop.“She’s yours?” He looks down at her and smiles.“She’s yours and Seonghwa’s?”

“What?” Hongjoong blinks, moving forward and taking her from his arms and Yeosang immediately misses the warmth of her against him. “No, I mean, yes, she’s mine.But not Seonghwa’s? What are you doing here? Where’s Seonghwa?”

“He walked away,” Yeosang says.“I don’t think he wants to see me.”

“Don’t be fuc-, oh fuck, just come inside. You’ve made me swear in front of my daughter. I hope you’re happy now.” Hongjoong steps back and gestures for him to come in and then he notices the food on the doorstep.“Where’d that come from?”

“I intercepted the delivery guy.I tipped him.”

“Oh, right.Thanks? Bring it with you.”

Yeosang does that. He picks up the food and closes the door behind him just as Yunho steps around the corner, his head turned towards the room he was coming out of and he turns to see Hongjoong cradling the little girl against his chest as she babbles and giggles and Yunho smiles at them both as if he’d found his home.And Yeosang watches as his expression softens and he lightly cups the little girl’s head with a hand that can punch holes in brick walls, and the gesture is so gentle, so infinitely careful and sweet, it threatens to bring a tear to Yeosang’s eyes.He watches as Yunho presses a kiss to her forehead before he shifts his gaze, realising that someone else was standing there. 

Yunho’s full regard hits him like an oncoming freight train and he almost takes a step back but then Yunho pushes him back, towards the door.And it’s more a shove than a push, really, and he fetches up against his, his head smacking against the wood.Yeosang doesn’t even wince.He just waits it out, knows what’s coming, and doesn’t even bother defending himself.He doesn’t blame Yunho.He’d want to hit him too.In fact, he still does, every time he catches sight of himself in the mirror in the morning. 

“What the fuck?” Yunho thunders.“What the everliving _fuck_ are you doing here?”

He has a hand against Yeosang’s chest, holding him flush against the door, fingers spread wide.The other hand is raised above his shoulder, fist cocked back.

“Yunho,” Hongjoong says, and his voice is oddly calm.“Honey, please.No bloodshed on Christmas Eve.”

Yunho turns to look at Hongjoong.“But he fucikng _left_ ,” he says, his voice no softer, but there’s a quiver in his tone.“He fucking left and it destroyed Seonghwa.”

“Why don’t you let him go? He’s here for a reason.”

“Yah, what’s going on?” San yells from the other room and Yeosang can hear more voices.They’re all here, he realises.All of them.

“I’d like to explain,” Yeosang says, flitting his gaze between Hongjoong and Yunho.“Please.If you prefer, I can come back another day, but I really want to talk to you.”

“Are you going to apologise?”

Yeosang huffs out a wry laugh at Yunho’s question.“I think I’m going to spending the rest of my life apologising to all of you, but to Seonghwa especially, if he wants to listen to me.”

Yunho wants to say more, do more, but Hongjoong puts a gentle hand on his arm and a flash of gold on his finger draws Yeosang’s attention.He sees the same band on Yunho’s left hand.

“You’re married?”

The question takes all the fight out of Yunho’s body but he keeps his hand on Yeosang’s chest for the longest moment, before he curls his hand into his coat and jacket and pulls him forward in a crushing hug. 

“Fuck you.Come here, we’ve missed you.You have a lot of explaining to do. Come inside.” Yunho glances at Hongjoong.“Go find Hwa, I saw him walk by towards the back of the house.”

And then Yeosang is being tugged into the living room and he’s met with noise and colour and laughter.And as they start to notice him everything just stops.

***

Hongjoong hands the baby to Yunho and Yeosang is made to kick off his shoes, his coat is pulled off, as is his jacket and then he’s being pushed onto the couch next to Wooyoung who is just sobbing into his shoulderAnd Yunho is still glaring at him, dark brow furrowed, and Jongho looks like he wants to rip his heart out but San, San inexplicably looks like he gets it.He’s staring at Yeosang and his eyes are soft.Mingi though, Mingi leaves the moment he walks in and Yeosang can’t help but watch him go.

“You gonna tell us what happened or are we going to have to guess?” Jongho is taller now, broader.More self-assured too.His dark eyes are very dark as they stare at Yeosang, not giving an inch.“Do you any idea how worried we were? Woo kept phoning hospitals to look for you. He fucking cried himself to sleep for weeks.”

San sits forward, presses fingers to Jongho’s wrist but he shakes them off with an impatient look at San.“You have a fucking nerve just turning up like this,” he goes on, his voice raw.“I thought you’d at least tell us you were safe? Something, _any-fucking-thing_ but nothing, for two years, Yeosang.Are you even human? How could you put us through that? Seonghwa almost lost his mind, do you know that? Oh wait, no, of course not, because you weren’t fucking around for it.”

“Jongho,” San starts, his voice low.“Give him a chance maybe?”

Jongho opens his mouth to say something and Yeosang braces himself for it, but then Hongjoong comes into the room and he’s trailing Seonghwa behind him and Yeosang’s heart stutters.Seonghwa had obviously been crying. His face is puffy and his eyes are red and his nose looks raw from where he’s been rubbing it. Somehow he’s shrunk into himself, his wonderfully wide shoulders hunched forward, as if he were bracing himself for an attack.Hongjoong pulls him down in a large leather love-seat and they shuffle around a little until they both fit, and Yeosang has the distinct impression that it’s something they’ve done before.His heart aches and he wonders how he’s going to even start explaining himself.But he has to, so he takes a steadying breath, and tells them.

***

“I’m not really sure where to start, so I think I’ll start with what happened the night before I left.I got a visit from my grandfather at my workshop. He had found out about my fashion degree because he’d heard about it from people who were in the audience that night. So he came to see if it were true.You can imagine what he made of his homosexual grandson sitting in a workshop filled with silks and sequence and buckles and leather.He told me that it had to stop.That I had played around enough and that it was time to be an adult and shoulder the responsibilities as his heir. I told him I wasn’t interested.That I was never keen to take over the business anyway.”Yeosang felt his lips twist and he caught Seonghwa’s eyes.They were still bright with tears and he yearned to pull him into a hug and kiss the tears away, but he forced himself to go on.“He was very calm, I remember it well because it was so terrifying to see. He looked at me then and asked me if I thought I could keep you safe.”

“What does that mean?” Jongo leans towards him.

“That’s what I asked him. And he was so casual? As if it was really nothing, barely worth mentioning.He told me that if I didn’t give up what I was doing he’d go after every single one of you.Not just the way he went after Hwa, with the scholarship, but physically.” Someone presses a glass into his hand and he takes a deep swallow of the red wine.It tastes awful because he’s not had alcohol in years and so he takes a second mouthful. 

“I laughed at him, because honestly.Who the fuck did he think he was? Some villain from a tv show? All he was missing was a cat to stroke. He watched me for what felt like a million years and then he made a call.And this man comes in and I recognise him from seeing him around my uncle’s house and my grandfather’s house when I was growing up.He takes out an envelope and he hands it to me and when I open it, it’s photos of all of you.”

Yeosang runs a hand through his hair.“Some of the photos are causal photos.Taken when you guys were out and about, just doing stuff.But some of it was more,” he searches for a word.“Intimate.Like, San and Mingi, one of the photos showed the two of you asleep in your bed. And they weren’t photos taken through a gap in a curtain either.He stood right there, over you both and there was a knife in his hand. There were others like that.Of your bedrooms, invading your privacy.The worst one was one of Hwa. You were in the shower and he held a gun aimed to your head.”He feels the wave of nausea roll through him at the memory of it. “And when I thought to call my grandfather out on his bullshit, he just smiled and told the man to show me the other photos.” Yeosang presses his fingers to his lips, for a second only, before he drops his hand.“They were photos of Jin-hyuk. It looked like he’d been tortured.He looked really bad and there was blood everywhere and this man, this man standing next to my grandfather was in the photos with Jin and he held this huge knife to his throat, laughing at the camera.”

“That could have been staged,” San said.“Easy enough to do.Photos don’t mean anything.”

“It wasn’t.”

All eyes turn to Hongjoong.He had his daughter in his arms and she was asleep. He was cradling her carefully, like he could protect her against the world.His expression was haunted.

“It wasn’t photoshopped.They found him, Jin-hyuk, a week after Yeosang had left.His body had been dumped.I only know because I had my…I had people keep track of him.In case anything happened. I saw the photos from the coroners office. It was Jin-hyuk. Someone had put a bullet in his head.”

Yeosang was going to be sick.He stood up so fast Wooyoung jerked back in fright and he looked wildly around the room, spotting Mingi lounging by the door.He’d not come back into the room since Yeosang had started talking. Mingi just gestured down the hall.“Second door,” he said to Yeosang as he pushed past him.

Yeosang threw up everything he’d had to eat that day, which was not much in the first instance.He flushed, wiped his mouth and looks at himself in the mirror above the basin.He was shaking from the effort, the sheer will, to stay upright.His mind was crowded with the knowledge that Jin-hyuk had died because of him.His grandfather had him murdered in cold blood.Shot in the head like he was some rabid animal.Yeosang moaned at the thought and desperately bit back the wail he could feel building in chest.It was his fault.Had he not met Jin, had he not given his grandfather leverage over him, he’d still be alive.He shuddered again, curling over the basin, knuckles white.It took him some time to get himself under control.He washed his face and rummaged in the cabinet under the basin and found a spare unopened toothbrush and used it to brush his teeth, to get rid of the taste of vomit from his mouth.It helped but it didn’t get rid of the taste of guilt.

When he walks back into the room, Hongjoong had moved from the loveseat beside Seonghwa to sit next to Yunho. 

“What was the use? What would you have done about it if you knew? It was better not to know, right? I could have done without knowing.” Hongjoong leaned against Yunho’s shoulder, clearly being asked questions by the others.Everyone was watching Hongjoong. Only Yunho seemed unconcerned.He’d taken their sleeping daughter from Hongjoong’s arms and Yeosang felt his throat tighten at the sight.She was so tiny, so perfect.

Mingi had come back into the room fully now.He sat down opposite the couch Yeosang settled back in and San sat down between his legs, knee drawn up against chest. 

“Sorry, about that.It was…I didn’t know.”

His eyes meet Seonghwa’s and he has to look away because Seonghwa had his own facades he hid behind. He could do superb bitch-face but right now he was staring at Yeosang with an expression of near-understanding and it fucking hurt so much.He felt unable to deal with it.

“So, I think you get it now? You can only imagine how horrified I was at the time.My grandfather isn’t…wasn’t a subtle man.If I didn’t do what he wanted, he’d have you all killed by this monster at his side.He called him his negotiator, clapped him on the shoulder like they were good friends.”

“You could have told us,” Seonghwa says and it’s the first time he’s spoken and his voice is low and raw.“We could have done something.”

“I didn’t get the chance, baby.He sent this man home with me and I had him there the whole night, watching me.I was so scared he’d do something to Wooyoung because he came home, unexpectedly and I nearly fucking died.”

“He was there?” Wooyoung sits up and stares at him.“He was there the whole night? In our apartment? Yeosang!”

“Woo, Jesus, I know.I know. I had to sit there watching tv with you and listen to you tell me how much you love Jongho and if you should tell him and I was dying inside because I had a fucking assassin in my bedroom.”

“What happened next?” Hongjoong prodded.

“The movers turned up the second Wooyoung left the apartment the next day.I called my grandfather because I’d had more time to think.I got him to promise that he’d leave Jisung alone, that he would not touch my baby brother and that he’d be kept out of whatever it was he was planning.He agreed, too fast, and I should have known better but I was so relieved.It was difficult to think, really, because it felt like my brain was empty, it was just noise and fright. Mostly,I just wanted whatever was going to come next over and done with.They packed up my room.Three years of my life into a couple of boxes and two black bin bags.Pathetic, right?” His mouth twisted.“I left my bracelet behind, and my note for Hwa. I wrote it in the bathroom because it was the only time I was alone.”

Yeosang reached for the wine but hesitated.“Can I get some water please? I haven’t had alcohol in two years and I need to stay sober for this.”

Hongjoong easily clambered over legs and quickly came back with bottled water. He curled up next to Yunho again after telling them he’d remembered to put the takeaway in the oven and he’d put the oven on low so that it could all stay warm until they were ready to eat. 

“So, what happened?”

“I left. I got in the back of the car and I left.They took me to an apartment. I was kept there for I think maybe two months? I lost track of time because I wasn’t allowed to watch tv.They took my laptop and my phone. They made me delete all my social media accounts and then I was taken to Switzerland.And that’s where I’ve been all this time.”

“Switzerland?”

“You could have called,” Jongho says.“You could have told us you were okay, Sangie?What the fuck?”

Yeosang drops his head forward.When will his hands stop shaking? He didn’t think they ever would. 

“It wasn’t that easy.I was never left unsupervised. I had no access to the internet and no freedom. I was allowed an hour of TV at night, if I behaved. They escorted me to class, sat in class with me. I made notes in journals, hundreds of fucking journals, because unlike everyone else, I wasn’t allowed a laptop.I wasn’t allowed out, at all.All food was brought in, they prepared it, I ate it.If I did something they didn’t like, like speak to a professor or asked a fellow student to borrow a pencil sharpener, I’d get beaten.” Yeosang looks up, sees their expressions.“I’m not…I don’t want your pity. I’m not saying this to get your sympathy and to make you feel sorry for me, for what I willingly did and agreed to, although, as a caveat, I didn’t _quite fucking understand_ the level he’d go to keep me away from everyone I love.These past few years have been awful, more fucking awful than you can even begin to imagine and I’m not keen to talk about it all, but I stand by what I did because it kept you safe, alive, healthy.”

His hand shakes when he takes a long drink of the water only to find it’s almost finished.He puts the bottle down and clasps his hands between his legs and exhales deeply. 

“All I can say is, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for dragging you into my shitty life, for everything that’s happened on the back of it.I am more sorry for hurting you the way I have. I don’t think I can ever win back the trust you had in me. So, I’m not asking for forgiveness, because I can’t forgive myself for what I did, but I do ask that you try and understand, just a little. And accept my apology.”

The silence that follows his words is resounding and it lasts for an eternity, until Yunho stands up. Yeosang immediately cowers back, hating himself for doing so, leaning away from those fists and he knows, he fucking knows Seonghwa sees the movement and remembers how Yeosang had shrunk from others in exactly the same way before. They all remember.Yunho levels him a look and Yeosang meets his gaze, exhaling, levelling his shoulders and gives him a nod.

“I’m going to go and put our treasure down,” Yunho says into the silence and walks out of the room and then, as if by agreement, once Yunho had left with the little girl in his arms, the noise levels rose impossibly high and Yeosang gets bombarded with questions, hundreds of them from everyone, except Seonghwa.Seonghwa who sits staring at him, hisimpossibly beautiful unfathomably deep eyes full of empathy, but he’s just drinking Yeosang in as if he were something worth looking at.Yeosang stares back, not quite believing that he’s here, after all this time, looking back at the man he fell in love with over two years ago.He never thought he’d see him again.

“I think,” Yunho says, coming back into the room. “That we should eat. I’m starving.Yeosang looks like he’s not eaten in all the time he’s been gone, unlike San who’s ass has grown exponentially.”

And trust Yunho to take charge.San shouts back and there’s laughter and noise and it feels good, it feels almost normal.Everyone agrees with the need for food and there’s a hustle and bustle as everyone starts moving.Yeosang stays sitting because he has no idea what or how to help.And as everyone filters out to head to the dining room and kitchen, he eventually stands up and suddenly Seonghwa is there, in front of him. 

Yeosang desperately wants to hold him.Be held by him.But Seonghwa’s put enough distance between them that it would be awkward and more than anything he didn’t want to make more of a scene, so he just stays standing.They’re almost toe to toe and Yeosang is painfully reminded of the bubble he had built around himself all that time ago before he’d met Seonghwa.And how he’d let him in, incrementally, and now here they were, back where they started, only now Seonghwa was the one in the bubble, not letting him in.

“Why did you come back?” Seonghwa asks the question so softly Yeosang almost misses it.“You could have just stayed away.It would have been easier?”

“I wanted to see you.I wanted to try and explain. About everything.”

“Maybe I don’t want to know?” There’s a hiccup in Seonghwa’s voice and he has to tilt his head back and blink rapidly against the tears threatening. He takes a second before his eyes meets Yeosang’s.“Did you think everything would be better? If you just turn up, like this?”

“A part of me hoped, but I’m realistic, Hwa.I know how much I hurt you. How much damage I did to us.”

“You _left_ me.” Seonghwa speaks over him, drowning his soft words.He is trembling and the pain in Seonghwa’s voice is so raw it brings tears to Yeosang’s eyes.God he wanted to touch this man so badly, wrap him in his arms and never ever let him go ever again. “You left me as if I meant nuh-nothing.No word, no warning, nothing.” Seonghwa presses a hand to his chest.“I thought I was going to die, Sangie. I have never felt pain like that before and I never want to again.”

“I’m sorry, Hwa.” His words are ineffectual, he could see that and he wishes, he wishes he had just stayed away after all, because this pain he’s causing the man he still loves is not something he wants.Never wanted.

“I can’t,” Seonghwa says, shaking his head, angrily wiping at tears threatening to spill.“I just can’t deal with this at all.I’m sorry.Tell them I’m leaving.”

Yeosang watches mutely as Seonghwa pulls on his coat, checks for his keys and then, with one last look at Yeosang over his shoulder, a look so complicated and full of pain that it makes him physically ache, he leaves, closing the front door softly behind him, leaving Yeosang standing alone. 

***

It takes some doing but he convinces Hongjoong to give him Seonghwa’s address.Yeosang could easily have asked Miss Angie for it, but he wanted the reach out to his erstwhile friends, knowing it would help heal the rift between them. 

Oddly, out of everyone, San and Mingi are the ones who seem to forgive Yeosang the easiest or rather, not the easiest, but it’s more like they accept him back and are willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. 

He pulls up outside of Seonghwa’s apartment building.It’s in a good neighbour and it’s a good sized modern building.He taps the intercom and when he hears Seonghwa’s voice, made tinny through the speaker, he has a moment of doubt. 

“It’s me, it’s Yeosang.Can I come up for a minute?”

For the longest time there’s nothing and he wonders if he’ll have to leave but then Seonghwa’s voice comes again.

“Come up. Take the lift.I’m on the top floor.”The door buzzes and he hastily grabs it and keeps it open as he lugs the box he’d brought with him through the door.

Seonghwa is waiting for him when the lift doors open.He’s dressed in a soft grey jumper that’s frayed around the collar and cuffs and a pair of low slung sweats and thick socks.He looks, Yeosang thinks with an ache, like home. 

He follows Seonghwa to the open door and enters ahead of him, kicking off his shoes as he goes. The apartment is the corner unit, which means floor to ceiling windows on two walls and a view for days.The light is incredible and Yeosang loves it.The space is perfectly sized.There are two mismatched leather couches that look much loved.There’s a tall bookcase that seems to act like a divider between the living area and what he assumes is the dining area.Floating stairs lead upwards towards a mezzanine level.And there are plants and art everywhere.Yeosang recognises both Yunho and Jongho’s styles but there are a few pieces that Yeosang knows are Seonghwa’s.The apartment is beautiful, perfect.Like its owner.He turns to find Seonghwa standing behind him, watching him carefully, his eyes wary.

“Do you want anything to drink?” Seonghwa walks into the kitchen and Yeosang remembers the kitchen in Seonghwa’s previous apartment, how he used to sit on the kitchen counter, watching Seonghwa cook for them.How Seonghwa would dance to the music playing and how he’d shimmy over to stand between Yeosang’s legs to steal kisses. 

“Tea, please,” Yeosang says.“If you have any?”

“I do.Grab a seat, I won’t be a minute.”

So Yeosang does.He carefully puts the box down on the wooden coffee table and turns to look at the bookshelf, letting his fingers stray across the spines.There are a lot of books on art, art restoration, impressionism, but there’s also a few novels, a few books on photography, animation and drawing graphic novels, along with a few books on more esoteric subjects like taoism, Buddhism and meditation.

Yeosang wanders around, picking up small knicknacks wondering where Seonghwa had picked them up, who’d given it to him.He turns around when Seonghwa nears, carrying two mugs of tea.

“Let me take your jacket,” Seonghwa says after he puts the tea down. 

“Will I be staying that long?”

“At least until your tea’s finished.”

Yeosang shrugs out of his jacket and hands it to Seonghwa so he can hang it by the door. He watches the muscles move under his jumper and his mouth goes dry. Seonghwa is still the most beautiful person he’s ever seen.He snaps his eyes away the second Seonghwa turns around and moves back to take a seat on one of the couches.They are angled in a v-shape so that they faced one another.Yeosang moves his mug closer so he could take a seat on the couch facing Seonghwa. 

“You don’t have a tv?” He wants to facepalm.Of all the inane things to say. 

“No.Not for anything else apart from just being too busy to watch much.If I do want to catch anything I usually go over to HJ’s or I watch on my iPad.”

Yeosang takes a sip of the tea.Mint, and super sweet.It was good.He glances at Seonghwa and finds that he’s staring at him.

“I caught up on the news.”

Yeosang is very careful when he nods and Seonghwa takes it as a sign to speak again. “You’re selling off your grandfather’s company.Breaking it apart. I imagine it must have been hard to convince the directors?”

“Not necessarily,” Yeosang says.“Not when I had proof of my grandfather bribing, blackmailing, and coercing people to get government contracts.If that came out, Baek’s reputation would go down the drain.”

“You had this information already when he took you?”

Yeosang shook his head.“No.Miss Angie’s team found it out whilst they were looking for me.”

“Why did you let him take him, like that?You told us he showed you pictures, that you were doing it to keep us safe.Which is admirable but I know there’s something else, Sangie. Stuff you weren’t telling us.”

“Do you really want to know?”Yeosang can feel himself pale as he asks the question and gets a jerky nod in answer.

“He murdered my parents.”

Seonghwa’s jaw drops and he stares at Yeosang. He picks up his mug of tea and holds it between his hands. “I don’t actually know what to say.” He leans forward, towards Yeosang, but it still feels like they are a million miles apart.“Had he taken leave of his senses?”

“My mother was going to expose him and her older brother, my uncle.She knew about their dark dealings and had kept a record of it. He wanted her to join Baek and not have anything to do with my father’s company but she refused.He threatened her, threatened my dad but then she played her trump card, told him about the evidence she had against him and,” Yeosang breathed out heavily.“He had them both killed.”

“Jesus, Yeosang.That is terrible.”

“Isn’t it?” Yeosang’s lips twisted.“He hit me with all of this in a short space of time and it got me reeling. My parents, the photos he had of all of you, what he had done to Jin. And of course, Jisung.He threatened Jisung, that if I didn’t obey him, go to school, marry the girl he had chosen for me, he’d start with Jisung.Accidents happen to lonely boys the world over. It would be a casual mugging or a drive-by shooting. Hwa, what could I do? I had to say yes. If it meant keeping my little brother safe? If it allowed him to have a life away from my grandfather? How could I say no? My life, ultimately, meant very little in the grand scheme of things, not when I could use it to bargain.And so I fucking bargained it away.Because I knew he was sick and dying and that I would have my turn.And then he goes and he dies. He dies before I can rip his world apart and I’m just…” Yeosang’s fingertips flutter against his lips.“I’m so fucking angry that he got away with it.Scottfree, you know? After everything he put me through.The piece of shit.”

The silence is thick.It’s heavy and only their breathing is audible.Yeosang stares out over the city, working hard at getting his emotions under control.

“What’s in the box?”Seonghwa asks after a while as he points to the box on the table.“Schrodinger’s Cat?”

“No, my journals. I wanted you to have them. I mean, you can say no, and I can burn them, but they’re something I’d like to share with you.”

Seonghwa wordlessly sinks to his knees and shuffles closer to the box, lifting the carefully folded lid.His eyes go wide at the amount of hardback Moleskine journals packed inside it. 

“They’re all in order.I wrote to you, as much as I could, when I could.”

Yeosang slides off the couch to sit opposite him.Shoving the sleeves of his hoodie up, he reaches into the box to lift the first one out and lets out a surprised gasp when Seonghwa grabs his wrist. The unexpected touch sears through Yeosang and stares dumbly at those long fingers against his skin and for a moment, it’s like the past two years never happened.But then Seonghwa shifts, leaning forward, breaking the moment.His eyes rest heavily on Yeosang’s face.

“What,” he says, his voice very low and dangerously quiet.“Is this?”

Yeosang frowns for a long moment, unsure what he meant, and then Seonghwa turns his arm so that his wrist faces upward, showing the two double slashes in his skin that had not been there two years ago.Yeosang curls his other arm against himself, keeping it out of sight as he looks down.He can feel his ears go red, the colour climbing up his neck.For an age, he sits like that, letting Seonghwa hold his wrist, as he tries to think about what to say.Then, he takes a breath.He wasn’t ready for that, at all.

“I’d prefer not to talk about it.” He tugs his arm out of Seonghwa’s grip and shakes his sleeve back down.“I should go,” he says, standing, sliding a small piece of paper onto the table.“This is my number.It’s new.You can call me and tell me to come get the journals but I…”

“Leave them,” Seonghwa says.“It’s fine.I just…I need time, Sangie. I don’t…I’m not…”

“I know. I don’t expect anything. It would be unfair.” He walks to the door, shrugs his jacket on, puts his shoes on and hesitates.“Thank you for even letting me in and for being civil.”

Seonghwa nods and watches him go, not saying anything.

***

Yeosang drives to the apartment Miss Angie had arranged for him.He refused to go to a hotel, even for a night, and so she had called up one of her many acquaintances and got him a short let.The apartment is the penthouse, of course, because Miss Angie has no idea how to do anything by half.It’s huge and spacious and gorgeous but it’s soulless. 

Walking into the place after being in Seonghwa’s apartment, with its art, knickknacks and everything else, the penthouse looked and felt like too much. 

When his phone buzzes, he pulls it out to see a message from Hongjoong.

**HJ**

_He’s crying.What the fuck did you do? I am going to kill you dead, Kang Yeosang._

**Yeosang**

_I tried not to make him cry, HJ. I love him so much.Never doubt tht._

**HJ**

_Fuck. I know you do. Any fool can see it. Jesus fuck I hate you both so much.I don’t need this shit in my life. I’m going to see him and if he tells me you said or did something on purpose to hurt him I will find you and hurt you.You would wish your negotiator got hold of you instead of me._

Oddly the heartfelt threat made Yeosang feel like smiling.He doesn’t.

_I missed you so much, HJ.Please look after him for me?_

Yeosang spends the rest of the afternoon speaking to lawyers on various conference calls.Miss Angie and Jisung stop by and they go to dinner and talk.They talk endlessly.Yeosang catches Jisung staring at him a few times too intently over their dinner and when Miss Angie goes to the loo, he looks at his younger brother.

“What’s going on? You’ve been staring all through dinner.”

“You’ve changed, YeoYeo,” Jisung says.“You don’t smile anymore.You’ve been back a week and you haven’t smiled once.”

“Not much to smile about, I guess?”

Jisung looks away, glances back. 

“Did they really beat you up? Your guards?”

In answer Yeosang pulls his hoodie’s collar to the side and down.“This is where they broke my collarbone by playfully shoving me into a wall.”He thumbs the mark on his skin.“You won’t believe how much it hurt.” He pulls the hem of his hoodie and shirt up.“Here they punched me so hard they cracked my ribs because they thought I was trying to tell one of my lecturers that I was being held against my will.” He touches his nose.“They broke my nose because I tried running away.I have scars on my back when they hit me with a leather strap.”

“Jesus, YeoYeo.How are you so casual about it?”

“It’s over.It’s done. Wringing my hands now and crying about isn’t going to magically make everything I went through go away.”

“No, obviously, I mean, I _know_ but you’re so completely fine with it?”

“You think so?” Yeosang frowns at him. “You think I’m fine with it?”

“I don’t know? Are you?” Jisung looks like he wants to shake Yeosang. “I’m not used to you so…fucking contained.It’s freaking me out.”

“I’ll be honest, Jisung. No. No I’m really not okay with it.I’ve got people searching for those men and Miss Angie is helping.We’re going to prosecute them and send them to jail. But getting angry about it all over again, and talking about it all, just…it’s counter productive and regressive.”

Jisung watches him, his eyes very alert.“I’ve missed you,” he says.“I wish…”

“No, don’t,” Yeosang says.“It is what it is.We were both played.I’m just glad you were safe and we can make sure the rest of your future isn’t fucked up.”

“What are we talking about?” Miss Angie asks as she slides back into the booth opposite Yeosang and next to Jisung. 

“About Jisung’s future.”

She turns to look at him.“You’re coming to work for me, right? You and that little friend of yours.I need you in my R&D department.”

“I’ll have to drop my investment course…” Jisung said, making a sad face and pouting dramatically.

“Yah, you are not made for investment banking.”

Yeosang sits back and watches them bicker as they always did.Jisung playing the brat and Miss Angie playing the adult, badly.

He pulls his phone out and scrolls the news. The headlines are all screaming his name, what he’s doing to Baek and the repercussions it may have for subsidiary companies.No one mentions his aunt and uncle and he’s relieved about that. His lawyers had settled with them before he spoke to the board and they had gone their own way with the strict proviso that if they ever came near either Yeosang or Jisung or any of the board members, their own backhanded deals they struck whilst acting on behalf of his grandfather, would be made public.Yeosang had also mentioned to his uncle privately, that he’d seen proof of that his parent’s accident wasn’t an accident. His lawyers remarked that they had never seen anyone sign a contract and leave a building that fast. 

***

It’s a week before he hears from Seonghwa.He’s stopped at a set of traffic lights, waiting for the lights to change. He’d spent the entire day with lawyers, discussing a variety of mergers with other companies for their smaller holdings.His head ached and he was so tired he could barely think straight.He connected himself to his bluetooth headset when his phone rang.

“This is Kang Yeosang,” he says without checking caller ID.

“Can you come round?”Seonghwa’s voice was low.“I’ll order dinner.”

Hearing Seonghwa’s voice in his ear sent a shiver down his spine and he checked the time on the Bentley’s display. 

“Sure,” he says, not even thinking about it.“I’ll see you in fifteen.”

Seonghwa gives a little hum and hangs up and Yeosang stares ahead without seeing anything.When the lights change green for him the second time, he makes an illegal u-turn and heads towards Seonghwa’s apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry. 
> 
> Come shout at me on twitter as @LizzieSunbae


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yeosang doesn’t say anything, he just watches Seonghwa, noticing how he carefully he’s holding himself as if he’s scared to relax fully. 
> 
> “Can I read them? The messages?” 
> 
> Seonghwa looks surprised, for a moment, but then he reaches over and picks up his phone from the table, fiddles with it for a few minutes. “I copied them all across into Notes and I’ve sent them to you. Just makes it easier. There’s a lot of texts.”
> 
> “I don’t have anything better to do,” Yeosang tells him and almost smiles. 
> 
> ***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The final chapter!
> 
> Thanks so much to everyone who's left kudos, who's commented, who's found me on Twitter, who's stuck with me as I killed us all dead with tears and anxiety. 
> 
> Thank you for the enormous trust placed in me. This chapter is still dealing with the aftermath and you know, uncomfortable stuff gets mentioned. 
> 
> So, some tags:
> 
> kidnapping mentions  
> abuse mentions  
> scarring  
> mentions about suicide attempts  
> suicidal thoughts  
> mentions about criminal activity  
> mistreatment  
> beatings  
> just terrible things people do to people they assume are weaker than them 
> 
> But, ultimate, end goal is HEA.
> 
> ***

Yeosang gets to Seonghwa’s apartment just after the food delivery.Seonghwa lets him in and for a moment, the briefest of moments, Seonghwa sways towards him, as if he was going to hug him and Yeosang has to force himself to stay very still and wait.But then Seonghwa steps back, a light flush across his cheeks and he hangs up Yeosang’s jacket and coat.

“You came from work?” Seonghwa asks him, glancing at his formal work shirt and suit trousers. 

“Yeah, you caught me halfway home,” Yeosang says, following him towards the kitchen.

“Why don’t you change? You can’t sit and eat takeaway dressed like you’d just come out of a board meeting.” Seonghwa looks at him, hand stilled as he’s reaching for plates.“That, was…presumptuous of me. Sorry.”

“I’m okay,” Yeosang says.“Like this.It’s fine, Hwa.”

There’s such a strain between them and it’s almost painful.Seonghwa is being so polite towards him.He watches as Seonghwa carefully dishes the food and glances around the small well equipped kitchen.

“Can I get us something to drink?”

“Yes, there are soft drinks in the fridge or if you want tea or coffee? I have hazelnut syrup too.”

Hazelnut syrup.Seonghwa doesn’t drink sweet stuff.The implication hits Yeosang hard.He has the syrup in his food cupboard for _him_. How long has he had it in his cupboard?He doesn’t want to think about it.Fortunately he has his back to Seonghwa, as he stares into the depths of the fridge.

“I think I’ll just go for a Coke.What about you?”

Seonghwa leans past him and points to a bottle in the the door cubby.“Sparkling elderflower, please.”

He pours them their respective drinks after Seonghwa tells him where to find the glasses and waits for Seonghwa to lead the way.He takes them to the lounge where he carefully puts their plates down.“I turned the space next door into my studio,” Seonghwa says as he sinks down on a cushion.“It was supposed to be the dining area but…” he shrugs.“I hardly ever have anyone over and when I do, we always just sit here anyway.”

“I love your apartment,” Yeosang says, settling himself opposite Seonghwa.“It’s really cosy.It’s really you.”

“You really like it?” Seonghwa looks around with a fond smile.“I walked in here on such an awful day.The weather was overcast and it had been raining the whole day and as soon as the agent opened the door and I walked in, there was all this light. And I knew I had to have it.”

“It’s perfect, Hwa.It really suits you.”

A small blush creeps across his cheeks and he dips his head in a movement is so intrinsically _Seonghwa_ it punches Yeosang in the gut.Instead of saying or doing anything stupid, he breaks his chopsticks apart and gestures to the food. 

“This looks good.Thank you for inviting me over.”

“You’re welcome.Please, eat as much as you like. I always order too much.”

And they fall into a rhythm, so naturally, of passing the rice, of moving peppers to the side which Yeosang puts on his plate, with him nudging the chillis towards Seonghwa, all the while not saying a single word.Seonghwa has music playing in the background, and Yeosang remembers how Seonghwa’s not able to sit in silence, how there always has to be some kind of background noise. 

“What do you do, now?”

The question seems to take Seonghwa by surprise and he frowns at him for a moment, but then he blinks and looks down at his hand.“Oh, I work for a small company.We work closely with museums and galleries.We restore art. I joined them straight after school.I interviewed with them before I graduated.”

“Do you like it?”

“Yes, very much.”Seonghwa sips from his glass.“They sent me to Florence earlier this year. I was there for a few months.”

Yeosang tries not to stare at him.Fails.“You went to Florence?” _He went without me._ “Did you like it?”

The smile is back, that secretly pleased smile that Seonghwa always wore whenever he felt good about something.“I did, Sangie.I loved it.I could see why you liked it.”

“Did you paint?”

“Yeah, I did. Nothing big though. I’ll show you some day.”

“I’d like that.”

Yeosang is reminded about the first few times they hung out, before they really knew one another.Before they kissed, before any of it. This dinner felt like that.Tentative, a little fraught. 

“What else have you done?”

“Not that much, really.I mostly just worked, after I graduated.I haven’t had much time to do anything else.I stopped painting and drawing for a long time. I just felt empty. I tried, but whatever I made just felt empty and hollow and derivative and I hated it.So I stopped. And I just threw myself into my work. I did extra courses, kept busy.Anything you know, was easier than coming home to nothing and oh my god why is this so hard?”He drops his head into his hands, elbows on the table on either side of his plate.“Why can’t I just not fucking think properly around you? I thought it would be easy? But I can’t, I just can’t.”

Yeosang carefully put his chopsticks on the table.“Do you want me to leave? I don’t want to impose or make you feel uncomfortable or anything like that.”

But Seonghwa is shaking his head and grimacing a little when he looks up at him. 

“No, please.Stay, eat with me.Talk to me.Tell me about Switzerland.”

Yeosang watches as Seonghwa makes a valiant effort to get himself under control, complete with a smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes. 

“There’s not much to tell.I stayed in a villa,” he says.“On the outskirts of Zurich. I went to school and got my business degree. It was a three year course but I did it in two. My grandfather’s stipulation, not mine.It was hell.”

“So you were never allowed out?”

Yeosang shook his head.“No, not without anyone with me. I always a security guard with me, in class, at home. Day in and day out was the same.Wake up, get dressed, go to school, come home, do work, eat, wash, sleep, repeat.”

They eat in silence for a while before Seonghwa speaks again, surprising him.

“I read your journals.”

Yeosang almost chokes on his rice and kimchi. “Oh, I didn’t think…I mean, I maybe hoped that you’d read them? I just wasn’t sure that you would?”

“You didn’t really tell us everything, that night, did you? You didn’t tell us about how much they hurt you or what they did to you. I read and re-read your words, and I felt like I was dying, Sangie.”

“I’m sorry. I’m so very sorry.I didn’t…I just, god, this is hard.I haven’t had to speak to anyone for such a long time and just had myself to talk to and now, I’m here and you’re so…beautiful and I hurt you and I just need you to please understand?” Yeosang put his gaze on the bookshelf behind Seonghwa.“I gave you the journals so that…not to? Fuck. One sec.” He drank deeply from his soda before trying again. “The journals were my way of talking to you, do you understand? It helped me not think about the hell I was in.There were some really dark days, days I genuinely regret and wanted to end it all and it was hard, so fucking hard but I didn’t do anything stupid.And then there were times that I tried to end it all and failed, because they got to me in time, and all I felt was relief when I opened my eyes because the possibility of you was still there.” Yeosang is aware of the fact that he’s crying and he didn’t really care.“I gave the journals to you because I wanted you to see and know that even though I left you, and I walked out on us, I didn’t just do it because I wanted to.I needed you to understand that.”

Seonghwa is quiet for a long time, not really looking at him.When he talks again, his voice is soft.

“For two years I thought about you every day. I thought it would get better but it never did. It got worse, I think. I saw my friends move on with their lives, get married, move in together and here I was, pining, like a heroine in some Gothic romance. They tried to convince me to go on dates, to go to clubs and I couldn’t. I had no interest and felt no spark and took no enjoyment in anything. My world felt colourless.But I had to pretend, you know? I had to, whenever we met up, put on a smile and look like I wasn’t falling apart on the inside. And it was so fucking hard because it felt like I was in mourning. And when I thought about it, about how we used to be, I’d cry because I felt helpless and stupid and so betrayed. Like maybe if I’d done something different, you wouldn’t have left. I blamed myself, because I forced myself into your world and I brought everything crashing down around you.It was awful and I felt like,” he took a breath and looked at Yeosang. “I felt like putting an end to it, on more than one occasion, because I was so overwhelmed with guilt and self-loathing, because I made you run away.And now you’re back, and it’s so much worse than I thought it was? I could barely carry my own pain, but now I have to carry yours too? Everything you wrote in those journals? Yeosang, the pain is indescribable.”

“Fuck.”

Yeosang had no thoughts in his head apart from getting to Seonghwa as fast as possible and he did, crawling around the table and kneeling at his side.His hands fluttered helplessly because he wanted to hold him but he also didn’t want to push his luck, make it worse.But Seonghwa tilted towards him, out of habit or instinct, he had no idea and he didn’t care, and so he reached for him, pulling him close, wrapping both arms around him.

He lost track of how long they sat like that, with Seonghwa sobbing and Yeosang just holding him, fighting his own tears. Seonghwa had always been more solid than he appeared but right then, as he leaned into Yeosang, he felt small, impossibly fragile, as if a strong breeze could knock him off his feet.And so Yeosang tightened his grip fractionally and pressed a kiss against the top of his head and held on for dear life, making a promise to himself and all the deities present, that he would move heaven and earth to keep him safe from any future hurt.

“I am so sorry, Hwa, baby, I’m so sorry.Please, just stop crying.”

He loses count too of how many times he whispers it, like a prayer, like true atonement and eventually Seonghwa stops crying and gives a shuddering breath.

“I’m all gross now,” he says, sitting up, pressing a hand to his face. “Give me a second.”He gets up and stumbles up the stairs towards what Yeosang assumes is the bathroom and bedroom.In the meantime he busies himself with tidying the food containers and plates away.The food had gone cold and he had no appetite anyway.He packed the food into the fridge and turned around when he heard Seonghwa come back down the stairs.

“Tea? I put the kettle on.”

Seonghwa’s smile is small. “I’ll make it.Thanks for putting things away.Did you have enough to eat?”

“Yeah, thanks. I put the leftovers in the fridge.” He hops on the counter.“You okay, Hwa?”

Seonghwa starts to nod but then changes his mind and shakes hs head.“No, not really.But I will be, I think.It’ll take a while.”

Yeosang nods, watching him move around the small kitchen and it feels, different.Not bad different, just different. 

“So, you have a business degree now? What will you do with it when all the assets are sold off?”

“I don’t know,” Yeosang admits.“I’ve worked so hard, to get to this point.I didn’t really think what would come afterwards.I just want everything Kang created gone.”

“You’re going about it very carefully,” Seonghwa says, leaning back against the counter furtherest away from Yeosang.“I’ve read in the news that you’re ensuring that the deals struck benefit the employees, that they have to stay on and that all pensions and other benefits are honoured.”

“They didn’t do anything wrong,” Yeosang says.“And selling off the assets, which they are a part of, should benefit them too, directly.”

Seonghwa busied himself with making them each a cup of mint tea.“Here you go, is it sweet enough?”

Yeosang smiles his thanks after taking a tentative sip. “Perfect, thank you.”

“I have perfectly good couches and a great view right over there,” Seonghwa says, indicating the lounge with a tilt of his chin. 

“But I like this, it feels like old times.”

And Yeosang watches as the light blush creeps up Seonghwa’s face. 

“That kitchen was half the size of this,” he counters. “Come, let’s go sit down. Give me your mug so you don’t spill.”

Yeosang hands him his mug, hops off the counter and shuffles behind him to the lounge.He watches as Seonghwa puts their mugs down and moves around the room, adjusting the lighting.He turns the main overhead lights off so that the lounge is lit only by fairy lights strung across his bookcase and from a small lamp on the floor near the windows.It makes the whole room look cosier.

“Do you know that I wrote to you too, almost every day?” Seonghwa curls up on the other end of the couch to Yeosang and as always he’s amazed how small Seonghwa can make himself look, how un-intimidating.“I sent you text messages, hundreds of them, hoping that you were somehow reading them.”

“They took my phone, microwaved my simcard,” Yeosang says and he hates the helplessness in his voice. “They watched me and I never had access to any digital platforms.Even when I had to submit coursework electronically, they were right there, watching.”

“I know that now,” Seonghwa replies and he looks like he wants to say _something_ but then he changes his mind and instead he presses his lips together.“In the end, it didn’t even matter that you weren’t talking back, or reading my messages.It felt good, to talk to you, to share stuff with you regardless.I didn’t think I’d ever see you again.I don’t know what I thought had happened to you.I would never have guessed any of it, what you told me or rather, what I read.”

Yeosang doesn’t say anything, he just watches Seonghwa, noticing how he carefully he’s holding himself as if he’s scared to relax fully. 

“Can I read them? The messages?”

Seonghwa looks surprised, for a moment, but then he reaches over and picks up his phone from the table, fiddles with it for a few minutes.“I copied them all across into Notes and I’ve sent them to you.Just makes it easier.There’s a _lot_ of texts.”

“I don’t have anything better to do,” Yeosang tells him and almost smiles.

“I somehow don’t believe that.” Seonghwa has one hand wrapped around his mug, sipping the tea.“What about Jisung? Is he doing well? I wanted to ask before, but…” He waves his other hand.“It was hard to think about anything else except _you_ , you know?”

Yeosang gets it.God, does he get it.

“Jisung is taller now, broader.Yunho will be so disappointed that the small boy he doted on has grown up.But he’s doing well.As well as can be expected. They moved him to New York.He finished his high schooling there and he lived with our aunt.She watched him like a hawk and he had his own set of bodyguards.His access to the internet was very limited and I’m not sure how but he wasn’t able to,” Yeosang tries to get the words but trails off, watching Seonghwa’s face. 

He’s crying again, not sobbing, just big tears falling down his face in silence. 

“Oh god, Hwa, I can’t deal with your tears,” Yeosang mutters, scooting closer so that he sits sideways towards Seonghwa on the couch. Seonghwa has both his legs drawn up against his chest and he’s staring at Yeosang, pain etched on his face.“I’m so sorry, baby.I’m so sorry.”

“He’s just a kid, Sangie.How could they do that to him?” Seonghwa gives a hiccup and wipes ineffectually at the tears.“Fuck, I hate your grandfather so much, your whole family.How did Miss Angie’s people not find you both?”

“They changed our names, and we got different passports.They dyed my hair and made me wear contacts. They did the same to Jisung.With our names and looks changed, we just disappeared. Miss Angie looked into the money that paid for my house in Switzerland and the money that went to Jisung and my aunt’s upkeep in New York.That money came from a subsidiary that was routed through the Caymans and it was all above board, for legitimate expenses.They didn’t just start up suddenly, because that would have been an immediate give-away and she would have tracked it, but the money had been going towards funding those properties for several years before we were taken.”

Seonghwa listens closely, sniffing.Most of his tears were gone but his eyes were so big and shiny and Yeosang yearned to hold him, to kiss him. 

“So, he had been planning this for a while?”

“It would seem like it,” Yeosang says.He reached back and gets hold of his own mug of tea.They were sitting close.He could feel Seonghwa’s toes wiggle unconsciously under his shin where he sat with one leg tucked beneath himself, sideways, facing him.“It’s like every day we find out more about what he did.Secretary Min has given us so much information, more than we could even find without his help.”

Seonghwa hisses at Min’s name. “That _man_ ,” he says, vitriol thick in his voice.“Should be shot into the sun.”

“He’s my step-uncle,” Yeosang says.“I didn’t know.There’s so much, about my grandfather and my family that is this big godawful mess.”

“Oh,” Seonghwa says.“It makes sense, I guess? Why your grandfather kept him so close all those years.Trust him so much.”

“Does it?” Yeosang queries.“You know that Min has been working against my grandfather for many years? That he was Miss Angie’s man inside my grandfather’s company.”

“What? No, I had no idea.” Seonghwa thinks about Miss Angie telling him about when she found out Yeosang had been kidnapped. _But then someone called me and told me that Yeosang had been kidnapped by some, some bastard, and that he was in hospital…_ “He’s the one that told her about your kidnapping when you were in hospital?”

“Yeah, apparently he fed her other tidbits too throughout the years. She didn’t know he was my half-uncle either.He kept it to himself.”

“Then why did he turn on your grandfather?”

“He was illegitimate. He’d never inherit and my grandfather treated him badly.My grandfather brought him into the company after he graduated. He had no idea who his father was until my grandfather appeared in his life and told him. It’s all a bit messy.”

“Jesus, can you imagine?” Seonghwa shakes his head, frowning. “So Min is helping you break up your grandfather’s company?”

“Eagerly,” Yeosang says. 

“Then why didn’t he tell her where you were?”

“He didn’t know.My grandfather must have suspected something because he only dealt with Moon Yong-rae.” Yeosang’s mouth twisted as he spoke the name.“We found out his negotiator’s name, with Min’s help. We’ve been going through employee records.They’ve tracked him to Japan.”

“And your aunt and uncle?”

“I paid them off. I told them I never wanted to see them in Korea, or anywhere near me or my brother. If I did, if they so much as breathed our way, I’d have NCB on them so fast they wouldn’t know what hit them.”

Seonghwa frowns for moment.“Are you talking about Interpol?”

Yeosang wonders if he should just stop talking, because Seonghwa looks like he is getting progressively more overwhelmed by everything he was telling him.It was a lot.It was a fucking lot to deal with and he struggled with most of it himself too, but it felt good being able to talk about it, with someone.

“Kidnapping charges,” he says, “of my brother who was a minor at the time. Extorsion, financial crimes they were complicit in, bribery of CEO’s of foreign companies.The list is endless.”

“And you _paid them to go away_?”

Yeosang’s mouth twists at that.“You could say so.Maybe it’s better than I don’t tell you everything I have in store for them further down the line, baby.”

His eyes snap to Seonghwa’s at the thoughtless use of _baby_ and he sees it register with Seonghwa too and their eyes meet and neither of them looks away.

“I should go,” Yeosang says at the same time Seonghwa swings his legs off the couch and stands, abruptly, to his full height. 

“I think that’s a good idea,” he says, nodding.“Thank you, thank you for coming tonight.I’m glad we could talk.”

Yeosang follows him to his feet, slower, reluctant.“No, thanks for calling.I had a nice time. Next time, dinner’s on me.”

“Sure,” Seonghwa says, his smile very small, contained. 

He hands Yeosang his jacket and then, once he’s got that on, he helps him into his overcoat.His hands smooth the shoulders out and he tugs the lapels just so, the move bringing Yeosang closer to him, into his bubble. 

“There,” Seonghwa says.“All tidy.And you didn’t mess any food on your nice shirt either.It’s almost like you’ve grown up.”

Yeosang thinks he could watch Seonghwa all day.The way he looks back at Yeosang, chin tilted a little down, making him aware of their height difference, and the way his eyes are so very dark and very intense, staring at him. 

“I missed you,” he says then, into the silence.“Every day I was away.All nine hundred and fourteen days, up until right now.”

“You’ve been counting?”

“Of course.”

And Yeosang has hope because Seonghwa hasn’t drawn away or put distance between them.Instead he’s watching him, carefully, with great consideration, head tilted a little to the side.Yeosang could, conceivably kiss him.He was tempted, but he knew it would push them further apart, as much as he was desperate for it, so he moves back, slips his shoes on.

“Sorry I cried so much tonight,” Seonghwa says as he brushes past him.“It’s all still very…raw.”

“I know.” Yeosang steps past him into the passage, turns to look at him.“I’m glad we can still talk. It means a lot.”

Seonghwa nods, glances down at his socked feet shyly, and then he surprises Yeosang by leaning forward to brush brushing his lips across his cheek.

“I miss talking to you.Drive safe, pretty thing.”

Yeosang watches the door close before he turns away and heads for the stairs, his heart thundering.Maybe?

***

It’s 3a.m. He hasn’t slept. He got home, showered, changed into pjs, dropped onto his huge bed, opened his phone and fell into reading Seonghwa’s messages that never reached him. 

The last one was dated Christmas Eve morning, just over a week ago.

_This is our third Christmas apart._

_I hurt so much, pretty thing.I got out of bed this morning and I just couldn’t think straight._

_I made breakfast and had a shower and I drew but I feel like there’s something_ **_off_ ** __

_We’re all going to HJ and Yunho’s place for dinner and I’m supposed to stay over._

_Then everyone including their parents are going to theirs on Christmas Day._

_We want to make a big deal about it because it’s the first Christmas they have Jin-ae._

_I love that they chose to call her Jin-ae. It means treasure and I think it suits her perfectly._

_Pretty thing, I love you. I will always love you._

_But I think that I’ll have to say goodbye to you._

_I can’t go on like this._

_I am no longer a whole person._

***

**Yeosang**

I read the messages, Hwa.

All of them.

I’m so sorry. I’m saying it so often these days, that it feels like it’s lost all meaning.

But I genuinely cannot express how much I want for you to stop hurting.

But then, I understqnd where you’re coming from

You need to heal

We both do

So if you want to say goodbye

I’ll be ok with it.

**Seonghwa**

Why are you awake?

It’s almost 3:30 IN THE MORNNG

**Yeosang**

WHY am I awake?

Why are YOU awake?

**Seonghwa**

This…feels familiar

**Yeosang**

It does

But why are you awke

?

**Seonghwa**

I can’t sleep

I’m drawing

You?

**Yeosang**

I’m…

….

Vuck

*F

Fuck

**Seonghwa**

???

**Yeosang**

Soz, not used to this phone yet

Or using technology anymore

**Seonghwa**

Jesus, Sangie.

You can’t just drop shit like that out of the blue.

**Yeosang**

Sorry.

Bt abot the messags, I read them al.

Hwa, if you want a goodbye

I want you to be hapy so if you want me out of your life, I’ll go.

You will never see or hear from me a gain.

Just say th e word.

**Seonghwa**

Do I have to answer right now?

Because, you know.

Things changed unexpectedly.

**Yeosang**

No, of course not.

But I’d like to manage my expectatoins

And why the fuk do I sound lik e a businessman?

Waht the he’ll?

God I hate this fcking phone.

Save. Me.

**Seonghwa**

I know we’re being serious

But I am laughing right now.

**Yeosang**

It’s the futre

Why is everything bigr?

My hands don’t fcuking fit

Jeszs

**Seonghwa**

I’m crying/laughing

**Yeosang**

Plx do no t.

I give up.

Fuck this.

Seonghwa answers his WhatsApp call within seconds and Yeosang watches him for a second, just looking.

“Do you mind? That I called like this?”

“No,” Seonghwa says, adjusting his phone so that he’s not holding it. Yeosang assumes he’s got a cradle for it on his work desk.“It’s…nice.It’s nice.I’ve missed this.”

“Can I see what you’re drawing?”

“It’s not finished yet.” Seonghwa bends over his desk and messes around with something before he spins the sketch around.

“You’re drawing Jin-ae,” he says.“She is really cute.”

“She is,” Seonghwa says, putting the sketchpad back down.“I love her, a lot. They asked me to be her godfather.”

“Uncle Hwa,” Yeosang breathes, his expression serious.“I remember, from your message.When you opened the door to me on Christmas Eve, I thought she was yours.”

Seonghwa’s eyes meets his in surprise.“You did?”

“I did.You looked so comfortable holding her.I wondered…I wondered if you’d met someone in the meantime and maybe got married and had a baby?”

“What would you have done if I had?”

Yeosang did not expect that question at all and he considers it.

“I would have left. I think it would have been one of the hardest things I’d ever done in my life, but I would have left.”

“Why?”

There’s no way to hide from Seonghwa, not when his eyes are so large, so dark, staring into his soul.

“Because I want you to be happy,” he says.“Whatever you want, I want to give it to you, with all my heart.”

“So if I told you I’d fallen in love with someone else and I want to start a real relationship with them?”

Yeosang draws a deep breath, tries to move past the pain in his chest.It feels like he’d been stabbed. He shifts against his pillows and stares at the screen, which was too small, not really showing him Seonghwa as he wants to see him. He is desperate to be with him, in real life. He wants to be with him right there, have him in front of him. He wants him impossibly close, kissing distance away.

“I’d go. I’d wish you luck, with all my heart, and I’d go away and let you live your life, because I was lucky enough to have had you in mine, for a little while at least.”

Seonghwa is silent for a small while, his eyes on what he was drawing as he chatted to Yeosang. It almost felt like the old days.Yeosang waits, patient. 

After a while, Seonghwa looks up, stares at him. 

“Sangie? Where is your apartment?”

“I’m in Cheongdam-dong, why?”

“How soon can you get here?”

Yeosang sits up, stares at his phone.“Seonghwa?”

“I want you here,” Seonghwa says, simply.“Not,” he says, carefully.“Not for sex, I want to be clear, I just would like for you to be here?”

“Yes, of course.” Yeosang is already trying to remember where he dumped his keys.“I’ll be there soon, baby.Just, gimme a few minutes, okay?”

***

Seonghwa doesn’t know what he’s doing.He has no fucking idea.He finishes his sketch of Jin-ae and tidies his desk, his hands remarkably steady, taking into considering he’s just asked the man he still loves with a burning ache, to come over at three in the morning.A man who is prepared to walk out of his life, if Seonghwa said the word.

He’s making hot cocoa for them both when Yeosang buzzes to be let in.Seonghwa waits by the door, keeping an ear out for the microwave when the elevator doors slide open and Yeosang steps out.He’s dressed in tracksuit bottoms, trainers, a thick hoodie and a padded jacket, a beanie thrown haphazardly over his hair.

Seonghwa thinks he’s never looked prettier.Without saying a word, Seonghwa heads back into his small apartment and lets Yeosang close and lock the door behind him, throwing on the latch too. Seonghwa finds his way back into the kitchen and finishes making the cocoa, Yeosang watching him quietly from where he’d seated himself on the kitchen counter again. Old habits die hard.

“You’re here,” Seonghwa says. “It’s three in the morning.”

“Four, now.You asked me to come,” Yeosang says, his voice very soft.“I’ll do anything you want.”

Seonghwa leans against the counter with his hip, mug of steaming cocoa held in front of his face, watching him.Yeosang has changed so much.Never one to be overly smiley, he looks even more serious now, his face carefully neutral.But it’s his eyes, Seonghwa decides, that gives him away.He’s scared and worried, just like Seonghwa.

“Do you have work tomorrow?”

“I’ll cancel,” Yeosang says.“If you want me to.”

“Is it important?”

Yeosang seems to think about it but then shakes his head.“It’s New Years Eve.It will be fine.They’ll be happy if I cancel.”

“Big boy now, huh? Calling the shots?”Seonghwa dips his head and takes a sip of his cocoa.Why does it sound like he’s flirting with him? _Was he flirting?_ It was a bad idea and he had to make himself stop but Yeosang doesn’t seem to notice, which: good, great, excellent.

“Well, yeah,” Yeosang agrees, making a little moue and Seonghwa’s heart stops a little because he’s so beautiful. He forgot how beautiful he could be, unconsciously so.“At least until the company no longer exists.”

“What will you do then?” Seonghwa knows he’s asked him before but he’d been evasive and it had been their first proper conversation, even if it had been only a few hours ago.

“Not sure? Maybe retire to a private island?”

“You’ll be so very bored.” Seonghwa grins.“You’ll lose your mind within days.”

“Yeah, you’re right.I’ve had enough of being locked up in one place to last me a lifetime.Maybe I’ll join Kang? Give Miss Angie a run for her money.”

“She’d love that. She’ll be in your face all the time.”

“Jisung, once he’s graduated, will be joining Kang.She won’t need both of us.”

Seonghwa smiles at that, looks at him. “I miss us, Sangie. I miss us like this, talking about everything and nothing.”

“I miss it too.I’ve missed you.I’ve missed us, being together. All of it.”

Seonghwa is aware that he’s playing with fire.He can feel himself swaying towards Yeosang and he can’t stop himself.Yeosang’s watching him with too large eyes, a flush creeping up his neck, holding very still, as if he’s worried any move he’d make would scare Seonghwa off.

“Why are you here?”

A tiny nerve jumps in Yeosang’s jaw and he blinks at Seonghwa’s question and Seonghwa breathes him in.He’s close, so close to Yeosang’s left leg where he’s got both of them splayed open on the counter, one hand curled around the edge, the other holding his cocoa. He looks back at Seonghwa with unconcealed _need_ and there’s fire in Seonghwa’s blood.

“Because I love you. Because I’ve not stopped loving you. I’ll come to you when you call me and I’ll be here, no matter the reason.”

Seonghwa puts his cocoa down and holds out his hand. 

“Come,” he says, simply.“Let’s go.”

Yeosang looks between him and the cocoa in his hand and Seonghwa almost smiles. It’s so Yeosang.

“Leave it.Let’s go to bed.”

Seonghwa watches with infinite patience as Yeosang hesitates, biting his lower lip.“To bed?”

“To sleep.I want to fall asleep with you in my bed, like we used to.Because I miss you and I’m lonely and I think you are too.”

Yeosang jumps off the counter and follows Seonghwa up the stairs. Seonghwa turns the lights off downstairs as they go, leaving only his bedroom bathed in a soft glow.“I’ve got a spare toothbrush,” Seonghwa says, standing close, his hand lightly resting in Yeosang’s.

“Okay,” Yeosang breathes and they just stand there for a few heartbeats until Seonghwa steps around him, towards the bathroom.

They brush their teeth in silence, catching each other watching, rinse and spit. 

“You look so sad,” Seonghwa says. “I’ll make you more cocoa in the morning, I promise.I have croissants in the freezer from the little deli shop.”

“I remember when I brought you croissants in the studio.I have never seen anyone eat croissants making such a mess.”

And there should have been a smile there, as he says it, but there isn’t. Instead he just looks infinitely sad and Seonghwa’s heart aches.He brushes past him, notices Yeosang catch his breath at the proximity, and wonders. 

Seonghwa pulls off his jumper and tracks pants, purposefully not making a show, purposefully keeping this PG.He’s dressed in sleep shorts and a stretched out t-shirt so old and worn, the seams are frayed. 

“Do you want to borrow some clothes?” He frowns at him.“You’ll be too hot sleeping in all of that.”

The meaning behind the words clear: _I remember that you run hot when we sleep._

Yeosang’s stopped at the far side of the bed, watching him. When he speaks Yeosang gives a little shake of his head, as if shaking himself out of his thoughts, and gives a small nod.

Seonghwa finds him a sleep shirt and a pair of soft sleep shorts and hands it to him.Yeosang holds the bundle of clothing, catching both Seonghwa’s hands between his.

“Just sleeping, right?”

“Just sleeping.” Seonghwa confirms with a little nod.

“Good, that’s good.”

Seonghwa watches him go back into the bathroom to change.He doesn’t close the door all the way and Seonghwa, betrayer of trusts and lover of a man called Yeosang, doesn’t turn his back and instead he watches him pull off his hoodie and long-sleeved t-shirt he had on underneath.He’s taken by the lines of Yeosang, how lean he’s become, the stretch of muscle over his ribs and across his shoulders.For a second, the longest second, he thinks thatthere’s something wrong with the light from the bathroom but then he realises that no, there isn’t.And that there are in fact scars across Yeosang’s back.Faded, for sure, but still, indelibly there. 

“This is a dress on me,” Yeosang says to him, as he comes back into the room, turning the light off behind him. He holds his arms out and Seonghwa pushes the tears threatening away, because now is not the time, and instead he finds a smile.Because the t-shirt is huge on Yeosang.It comes down mid-thigh, longer than the shorts he had on underneath.

“Cute,” Seonghwa says.“Like always.Some things don’t change.”

And then he crawls into bed and Yeosang follows him and they gravitate towards one another, facing one another. 

“Bigger bed,” Yeosang says.“I’m a little disappointed, to be honest.”

“Better mattress,” Seonghwa points out.“No more backache.”

“Fancy,” Yeosang counters and Seonghwa smiles. 

“Okay if I turn the lights off?”

“Hmm, yes.”

Seonghwa reaches for the light and hesitates. 

“I leave music on at night, are you okay with that?” _Because I don’t like the silence and with the music I don’t feel lonely._

“Yes, of course.”

“Okay.”So Seonghwa finds his playlist and puts it on and it’s so soft as to be barely audible, but it’s there and it comforts him. 

“I like your place,” Yeosang says into the darkness.“You have a skylight.”

“It’s the second reason I took it.”

“The first being the light?”

“Hmm. I would lie here at night and stare up and on clear nights I could see the stars and wonder if you ever looked up at them and missed me too.”

“I missed you.”

“I missed you too.”

Seonghwa turns to face him again.They are so very close.

“Can I touch you?”

The nod he gets from Yeosang is tentative. Seonghwa watches him for a few seconds longer, before he reaches out. Seonghwa’s fingertips barely brush his jaw, ghosts across his lips, before he drops his hand between them, takes his hand in his and presses it against his chest, over his heart. 

“Are you real?” Seonghwa’s whisper is barely louder than the music but they’re so close now, millimetres apart, that Yeosang has no trouble hearing him.

“I am real, baby.”

Seonghwa wonders if Yeosang can see his tears in the dark.

“I love you, Hwa.”

“I love you too, my pretty thing.”

They don’t kiss, they don’t do anything.They lie there, snug and quiet and content, beneath the covers as it starts snowing again and they fall asleep in each other’s arms.

***

Yeosang is up before he is. The day is grey and the city looks blanketed by snow and heavy cloud. Seonghwa pulls on a thick jumper and warm tracksuit bottoms and heads downstairs to find Yeosang puttering around the kitchen. He’s dressed in the same clothes he wore last night and he looks, Seonghwa’s sleepy mind tells him, like he ought to be here, always.

“Good morning, sleepy head,” Yeosang says, fondly, his expression soft as he takes in Seonghwa with his messy hair and grumpy face.

“M’not,” Seonghwa says, taking the cup of coffee out of his hands and taking a sip.“Ugh, this is so gross.” He pushes it back into Yeosang’s hands and leans with his forehead against the cupboard so he can fit a pod in his machine to make his own coffee.

“Time is it?”

“After eleven.”

“Hmnh,” Seonghwa says, eloquently.

“I have missed morning-Seonghwa,” Yeosang says, leaning close.“Why don’t you go sit down? I’ll bring you your coffee.”

In answer Seonghwa just leans against him.“Was so scared when I got up. You weren’t there.”

“Oh, baby,” Yeosang puts a careful arm around his waist, pulling him close.“I’ll never leave you again. I wanted to surprise you with breakfast.”

“I know, I realised when I heard you moving around down here.And the music.”

“Do you mind?”

Seonghwa just shakes his head, breathing him in.

“No, m’likeit.”

“Do you? You don’t mind this? Me being here?”

“No.”

Yeosang visibly relaxes against him and Seonghwa sighs.

“Okay, good.Go sit down, baby. I’ll bring you your coffee.”

Seonghwa shuffles to his living room.Yeosang had set the small coffee table with two plates, cutlery, hazelnut spread, butter and strawberry preserve Seonghwa doesn’t remember buying. The whole apartment smells heavenly, like coffee and baking pastries.

Yeosang comes through, carrying a large tray of croissants and Seonghwa’s mug of coffee.

“There we go, breakfast at Chez Park,” he announces grandly, sitting down opposite Seonghwa on the floor.“Freshly baked by yours truly.”

“Hmm, croissants are my favourite,” Seonghwa says, biting into one, holding it close to his face, in case Yeosang or any other croissant-thief was going to steal it from him.

“You’re my favourite,” Yeosang counters, making him laugh.

“Ugh, gross,” Seonghwa says, laughing with a full mouth.

“I’m not gross, your face is gross.”

“My face is perfect, thank you very much,” Seonghwa retaliates, gesturing with his croissant, messing flakes everywhere.

Yeosang grabs his wrist and pulls him forward, across the table and meets him halfway. 

“It is.It really is so perfect.” And he kisses him. Very sweetly, very chastely, on this lips and pulls back.“Now, stop trying to pick a fight with me and eat the breakfast I’d slaved over in the kitchen.”

Seonghwa ducks his head and reaches for his coffee, takes a sip and sighs happily.

“Did you cancel work today?”

“Yeah, I woke up at seven. I forgot to turn my alarm off.I called Miss Angie and she had her assistant cancel the meetings for today.In fact, she cancelled everything until the 5th.Told me to ‘stop thinking and enjoy life again for a change’. So, you know.Here I am.”

“That’s exciting.What do you plan to do?” Seonghwa asks it carefully because he isn’t going to presume, or push but the idea of Yeosang being here, spending time with him is big.It’s huge, massive and it makes his heart race and the blood in his veins thrum.

“I haven’t given it much thought?” Yeosang is being careful too, Seonghwa realises, watching him butter his croissant, taking a small bite, licking his lips.“I’d like to spend time with you, but I know you’re probably busy, so I don’t want to impose and make you feel weird or obligated. But other than that, I’m not so sure.”

“I want that,” Seonghwa says, every word clear.“I’m, just, I really want to spend time with you.All of it.As much as you’re prepared to spend with me..”

“What about the person you mentioned? The person you’re in love with?” And his voice is small, a little desolate. He can barely bring himself to look at Seonghwa.

Seonghwa frowns at him, second croissant laden with strawberry preserve almost to his mouth.“What are you talking about?”

“Last night, you asked me if I’d still let you go if you told me there was someone else you were in love with?”

“Last night I wanted to know what you’d do for me. To make me happy.And you showed me. You didn’t hesitate to come running when I asked. You showed up and you looked so worried. But you still said you loved me.I told you I loved you.There is no one else, Sangie. It’s only ever been you.”

Yeosang’s eyes are very serious, very dark as he watches him.“Do you know how stupidly in love I am with you?”

“No, tell me.”

Seonghwa lets out a surprised gasp when he sees the ring on Yeosang’s left hand as he holds it up. “On the day I left, I was going to leave this behind.But instead I moved it to my right hand and I made a vow to myself, never to take it off.And I haven’t.Until now.”

Yeosang wiggles the ring off his finger and puts it on the palm of his hand, curling his fingers around it. 

“I know, it’s fast. I’ve only been back a few days.And there’s a world of pain between us, but Seonghwa, I really want to be with you. I want us to start over, to date, to be boyfriends, to kiss and make love, to bicker and kiss, did I mention kissing? Because god, I have missed kissing you.Do you think that’s something you want?”

Seonghwa watches him, sees the rawness of him, just below the surface, the genuine honesty of his words and he lets the tears fall.

“Yes, please,” he whispers. “God, Sangie, I want to be boyfriends and hold your hand and kiss you and have you in my bed, to sleep, to cuddle to make love. I want it all.Especially the kissing part.”

Yeosang takes his hand and slips the ring onto his ring finger on his right hand.It fits, remarkably it fits.

“So, I realised something when we were apart,” he says, conversationally, lacing their fingers together and raising Seonghwa’s palm to his lips.“I never actually asked you with words to be my boyfriend.So I thought I’d do it properly this time now.”

“I can’t believe you kept the ring,” Seonghwa says through the tears.“How does it fit us both?”

“Magic,” Yeosang says and smiles and Seonghwa feels his heart skip. 

“I’ve missed your smile, Sangie.”

“Me too, but I think I just found it again.”

“Can I kiss you now?”

“Please,” Yeosang breathes and Seonghwa leans forward, careful not to jostle all the breakfast stuff between them, and kisses him sweetly, a promise of heat at the very last moment, drawing a gasp from him.

“We’re taking it slow,” Seonghwa tells him, as he settles back down on the carpet.“And I want you to talk to your therapist.”

“Yes, and I already am.Miss Angie made the appointment.I’ve already seen her.She cried.”

“Good, the cow. She made me cry,” Seonghwa says.“I went to see her, after a year, when it felt like I was breaking apart and couldn’t get out of bed for days.”

“What did she say?”

“She told me that it’s okay, to feel that way.To basically let myself wallow in it, because I was mourning you.That it was part of the healing process and we get told so often to stop feeling, that when we do feel, we don’t know what to do with it.”

“That sounds like her,” Yeosang says, running a thumb over the fleshy part of Seonghwa’s palm.“And it made you cry?”

“Yes! I wanted her to tell me something different, to stop feeling, I don’t know? Everything just hurt so fucking much and I couldn’t cope with it anymore. And she told me to embrace it, to power through it.”

“And did you?”

“No. I left and I sat in the carpark and I cried and then I went to Hongjoong’s and ate two tubs of ice cream.”

“Did it make you feel better?”

“No, it made me feel cold and then I was cold _and_ miserable.”

Seonghwa looks up at the sound of squeaking to find Yeosang’s shoulders shaking. 

“Are you…are you _laughing_ at my fucking distress?”

“No, oh my god, of course not but you’re just so…” Yeosang was shaking with laughter and it was such a sight, such a blessedly wonderful and beautiful sight, that Seonghwa forgets to be annoyed with him.“You just…I can’t? I’ve missed you so much, baby.”

“Yah, I don’t appreciate being laughed at.Next time you tell me something emotional I will laugh at you, just you wait, Kang Yeosang.” But there’s no sting to the words and Yeosang catches that hand again and holds it in his as they finish breakfast.

***

And they do go slow.Slower than they did when they first met.There are quiet dates in romantically cosy restaurants, there are take aways with everyone around. There are icy walks, hot cocoa and sugar sweet kisses along the Han River and they get to learn one another again. 

There is so much to talk about, to whisper, to hum, thoughts to tell, feelings to explore and soft tender touches followed by low gasps to experience, but they stop, they always stop, because it’s _not yet not yet_.

***

Seonghwa irrevocably falls in love with Yeosang, all over again.He comes to know this new Yeosang made up of so many different facets as well as he knew the old Yeosang.He learns that he doesn’t like being alone, like Seonghwa doesn’t like being alone. 

He learns that Yeosang is touch starved but unlike before he is no longer afraid to ask for what he wants.He’ll reach for Seonghwa, hold him close, relax against him and quietly let him go again, always so careful now, of overstepping his bounds. 

He learns that Yeosang genuinely loves his brother and he is fond when he sees them interact.Yeosang is no longer quick to anger, he is more thoughtful and when Jisung is being a brat (which makes Seonghwa feel very giggle and full of laughter), Yeosang has infinite patience.And he learns that Jisung has come to genuinely admire Yeosang, turning to him for advice and getting carefully considered answers in turn.

***

Seonghwa learns that Yeosang is scared of babies but that he immediately worships Jin-ae. He turns up at Yunho and Hongjoong’s house with a carload full of presents for her and she ends up in his lap, playing with his fingers and climbs into his arms and clings to him, kissing his cheek and sobs heartbrokenly when he tries to leave. Hongjoong looks on with an indulgent smile on his face and Yunho just frets about the amount of ‘stuff’ Yeosang’s bought.

“What did you do? Walk into the shop and ask for one of everything?”

Yeosang looked cornered and dropped his eyes.“Yes? I don’t know anything about babies and everything looked so cute? Of course I had to get her everything because what if there was one thing she might love above all else and I didn’t get that for her”

Yunho watched him with his jaw open, threw up his hands in a gesture of defeat and walked out of the room but Seonghwa had seen the smile on his face when he walked into the kitchen.

“Your boyfriend,” Yunho told him earnestly.“Is a menace.”

“I know,” Seonghwa had said.“Isn’t it great?”

“God, you make me sick.”

Seonghwa had burst out laughing at that.

***

Seonghwa learns that Yeosang doesn’t like talking about the scars on his back.Or the scars that are on both his wrists.It’s in the early hours, with the sun barely risen, and they’re tangled in bed, sleepy and soft and Seonghwa reaches for one of Yeosang’s hands where he’s got his arms around Seonghwa’s waist, and presses kisses along the scars that go up and up.He traces them in the dark with careful fingers.

“I’m so sorry you felt so lonely,” he whispers, pressing his lips to them, making Yeosang gasp softly at the feel of heat against his skin.“I promise that you’ll never be lonely ever again. You’ve got me, always.”Then he curls Yeosang’s arm tighter against him, wiggles back against Yeosang’s front and breaths deeply, falling asleep as Yeosang’s heart felt full to bursting of love.

***

Seonghwa learns that Yeosang is an astute businessman. He deals with the breakup of the Baek family of companies with immaculate attention to detail.He comes to Seonghwa after endless board meeting and conference calls with lawyers and asks to be held. And it’s only when Seonghwa asks, that he’ll sit on Seonghwa’s couch and tell him about the negotiations and Seonghwa is left reeling at the amounts of money being talked about. Yeosang seems unfazed and Seonghwa realises he has to deal with this new side of Yeosang now, a side he’d not truly seen before, but which was now more prevalent than ever before.Yeosang, unknowingly, had become the businessman his grandfather wanted him to be.Seonghwa is careful not to mention it to him at all.

***

Seonghwa learns that Yeosang truly hates his new phone (after he witnessed him throwing it across the room once too often in frustration) and so he goes online and finds him a smaller phone, similar to what he had two years ago, and buys it for him.When it turns up and Yeosang unpacks it, he starts crying and Seonghwa is surprised but Yeosang just kisses him.Tell him thank you and immediately sets about setting it up.Then he takes the new phone and would have thrown it off his balcony but Seonghwa stops him because a. they’re very high up and b. the phone is brand new and expensive and c. if the phone did land on someone, by accident, they would be liable for injuries.So Yeosang reluctantly hands the phone back to Seonghwa and watches in mute horror as Seonghwa claims it for himself, dancing out of reach as Yeosang complains about betrayal. 

***

Seonghwa learns that Yeosang loves him.It’s visible in the small notes full of hearts he leaves tucked inside his wallet, or an unexpected delivery of food at his office for lunch for Seonghwa and his co-worker who shares his office, or the way he’d wait for Seonghwa in his office’s reception until he’s done with work and drive him home. It’s little things, sweet things, like slipping Seonghwa’s favourite candy into his bag or making sure he doesn’t run out of his favourite face wash.Little things that are thoughtful and endlessly kind and sweet and Seonghwa is falling harder and deeper than before.

***

Seonghwa learns that he loves Yeosang and some days things go well and other days they don’t but they always talk.Because that is what they’re good at.And they talk and they kiss and they hold one another and they cry and they do not have sex because they’ve both agreed to take it slow.

Winter gives way to Spring and the weather turns warmer and Seonghwa tries not to remember how alone he felt the year before.He’s working on the restoration of a painting that had been damaged in a fire and he’s so immersed in it, that he doesn’t hear his boss come into the small studio. 

“I’ve approved your leave,” he says to Seonghwa, by way of greeting.“I hope you have a fun time.”

Seonghwa straightens to look at him in surprise.

“Pardon?”

“It’s after five.You should go home. Your boyfriend is waiting downstairs.”The man taps his watch.“Don’t make him wait.”

So Seonghwa packs up and heads downstairs to find Yeosang waiting for him.He’s dressed casually in a pair of nice Levi’s, and a soft looking jumper which Seonghwa recognises as his.

“Hey,” he breathes, walking into his arms for a hug.“I didn’t expect to see you today.”

“I know,” Yeosang says, tugging him towards the door.“I wanted to surprise you.Come, let’s go.”

Yeosang gets behind the wheel of his Bentley and waits until Seonghwa is strapped in.“You look nice today,” he says, smiling at him.“I like you in black. I remember how your skin always seemed to glow against my black sheets.”

Seonghwa blushes, he fucking blushes and feels his ears go red, and he shoves his shoulder a little.“Shut up.”

“Are you _shy_ , Hwa?”

“No,” he lies, and Yeosang laughs, joining the traffic. 

“How is the new project coming along?”

“Not too badly.Most of the damage is to the side of the canvas and the frame.We’re lucky that the water from the fire extinguishers didn’t actually do more damage and why am I going into detail and why are we bypassing the road to my apartment?”

“I’m kidnapping you,” Yeosang tells him, shooting him a look.“For a few days at least.I cleared it with your boss.”

“So _that’s_ what he was talking about earlier?”

“He told you?”

“No, he just said my leave had been approved.”

“Oh, well, that’s all right then.” Yeosang breathes out.“Because if he’d spoiled the surprise I would have pushed him off the roof of his building.”

Seonghwa laughs at that but at the look Yeosang sent him he stills.“You can’t just push people off buildings, Yeosang.That’s not nice.”

“I never ever said I was a nice guy, Park Seonghwa.”

“Lies. You are the nicest, sweetest, kindest, cutest, loveliest, most kissable man ever.” Seonghwa purses his lips.“Ever.Don’t question it.”

Yeosang grins at him then and refuses to answer where they’re going, not even when they pull up outside of the private airstrip.

“Are you taking me to Busan? Because I really didn’t enjoy it that much the first time round, even if we did have mind-blowing sex there.”

“Nope.”Yeosang leads him to the back of the car and gets their bags out.“Guess again.”

“Hmmm, Japan? For the blossoms?”

“Close, but as Miss Angie already spoiled that for us, no.”

“Sangie, telllll meeeee.”

Yeosang just grins at him and leads his way into the building.They’re shown to the private lounge once more and Seonghwa just calls out random places he could think of, much to Yeosang’s amusement. 

“New York!Vegas? Chicago? Washington?Uhm, Moscow.St Petersburg? I’ve always wanted to visit the Hermitage.Did you know they have a huge Faberge collection? Venice? Rome? Florence? Are we going to Florence?”

“All incorrect.”

“Kang Yeosang,” Seonghwa says, voice a warning.“I will tell that nice lady you are kidnapping me.I don’t think she’ll let you get away with it.”

Yeosang shuts him up by kissing him, pushing him up against the wall next to the refreshments, and plundering his mouth until they’re both breathing raggedly, wildly.

“Fuck,” Seonghwa gasps, leaning his forehead against Yeosang’s.“That escalated.”

“Yeah,” he says.“Sorry.”

“So where are we going?”

“Paris, I’m taking you to Paris.”

Seonghwa’s mouth opens, then closes.“Just like that? To Paris?”

“Yes,” Yeosang says.“Just like that.”

“Why?”

“Because I want to go to Paris with you.And spring in Paris is supposed to be very romantic.”

“Ugh, gross,” Seonghwa says, but he’s smiling and he’s still smiling when they walk onto the plane and settle down in their seats.

“So you’re not mad for going behind your back and arranging this?”

“If you were taking me to Busan again, then yes, I would have run away, but Paris? Of course I’ll let you kidnap me!”

“So fickle,” Yeosang says with a laboured sigh. 

***

Yeosang learns that Seonghwa was made for Paris.They eat their weight in sugar covered pastries.They drink lots of hot chocolate and walk hand in hand along the Seine and they kiss and they whisper _iloveyou_ at dusk on the first night as they watch the lights come on over the city.Yeosang takes them to the Louvre and Seonghwa bursts out in tears when he sees a painting so small and, to Yeosang’s mind, not as impressive as any others.But then Seonghwa tugs him close.

“This is a Vermeer.It’s called The Lacemaker and Renoir called it the most beautiful painting in the world.I never thought I’d see it in person, ever.I fell in love with it years ago, and it’s just so wonderfully perfect, don’t you think?”

Yeosang draws his gaze away from Seonghwa to look at the painting.He wasn’t a complete barbarian and he could appreciate the art for what it was but the painting wasn’t very impressive, not when considered against some of the others.

“Why do you like it so much?”He asks him, curious, because he really wants to know.

“The composition is everything.Vermeer takes something so mundane and every day and turns it into something truly special.Look how, what you see when you look at the painting, you immediately focus on the lace she’s working on.It’s in sharp detail, can you see? And everything else is a little distanced, blurry? His use of colour and light is sublime. It makes the painting feel intimate, like you’re looking at something private.” Seonghwa wipes his face, smiles down at him.“You think I’m crazy, right?”

“No, I think I love you.”

They wander around the Louvre for hours until Yeosang is convinced his feet are going to fall off. They end up buying loads in the shop and they head to a small cafe to go and write some postcards to send to their friends.Yeosang shivvies him along and takes him to the Musee de l’Orangerie and he watches Seonghwa closely as they walk into the first room with Monet’s oversized paintings.It’s all soft hues of blues and greens illuminated by natural light and Seonghwa just stops.They stay there until they are asked to leave as the museum is closing and it’s perfect. 

They have dinner at a place Miss Angie recommended and the food is rich and filling and they trip back to their suite, a little tipsy and in love with each other and with Paris. 

“Next time, we’ll come in summer and we’ll spend a month and I’ll take you to Giverny and you can go paint your own lilies,” Yeosang promises him as they lie in bed.

“I’d like that,” Seonghwa whispers back.“Thank you, for today. I loved every second of it.”

“Even the parts where you cried and that security guard looked like he wanted to show me out because he thought I’d fought with you?” Yeosang teases lightly, making him laugh.

“Especially that part,” Seonghwa whispers back.“Can you kiss me?”

“Can I?”

“Will you?”

Yeosang kisses him, and they drift together slowly and he deepens the kiss, loving the way Seonghwa yields so prettily. Seonghwa melts into him, and the kiss that started so wonderfully soft and slow stokes the flames they’ve both held in check. Seonghwa rolls them so that Yeosang’s sprawled half on top of him and it allows him better access to everything basically.He relearns Seonghwa’s body, relishing in the soft moans he elicits, the stuttering gasps.They shed clothes with quiet murmurs and Seonghwa yearns towards him, back arched impossibly as he wraps a hand around Seonghwa’s hard length, the grip light. He kisses him again, reverently.

“I love you.”

“I love you.”

The words mingle between them and Yeosang can’t be sure who repeats it more often but he hungers for the feel of it against his skin as Seonghwa presses his hot mouth against his neck, whispering the words.

Yeosang finds the lube he stuck under the pillow by sheer chance and it’s testament to how gone Seonghwa is beneath him that he doesn’t even tease him about it, about planning ahead. 

“I want you so badly, baby,” he murmurs in his ear as he moves his hand between them.“Will you let me have you?”

“Please,” Seonghwa whispers.“Please, yes.”

And then it’s quiet in their room and it couldn’t be more perfect as he works his boyfriend open, slowly, with great care. He relearns what makes Seonghwa gasp, what makes him whine, what makes him moan.He relearns how exquisite he is when he’s splayed open beneath him, staring up at him with trust and love in eyes made heavy with lust.

He moves to grab for the condom but Seonghwa stops him.“It’s fine, I’ve not been with anyone since you. I want to feel you.”

Yeosang drops the packet and leans in for a kiss.“Neither have I but it might make it easier for tonight?”

“No, use lots of lube. I want to feel you.”

And Yeosang thinks he’s going to die because god he remembers vividly what it felt like moving inside of Seonghwa and that was when he was wearing a condom. So he listens to him and he leaves the condom off and slicks himself up well before he tugs Seonghwa towards him, making his breath hitch at being pulled around a little. 

“Breathe for me, baby,” he says, running a hand down his thigh and curling loosely around Seonghwa’ pretty cock.“It’s going to be a stretch.”

“I know, ‘m’ready,” Seonghwa assures him but he’s gone and his eyelids flutter as Yeosang rubs a thumb round him, before lining himself up before slowly, incrementally, he pushes in, catching on his rim. 

“Breathe,” Yeosang tells him.“Relax.”

“Ngh, fuck, I forget this part,” Seonghwa gasps.“More, now, please, more.”

And Yeosang gives him more, adding more lube and making a royal mess of the bedding but that’s not his problem. He slides in further until he’s fully inside of Seonghwa and god, he feels good, so warm and so perfect wrapped around him. He leans down and licks into Seonghwa’s mouth, relishing having his arms full of this gorgeous man again, loving how Seonghwa’s as wildly affected by this as he is.He kisses Yeosang back with abandon, fucking into his mouth, hands in his hair and moaning as Yeosang slowly pulls back a little and pushes back in again.

“So full, god,” Seonghwa mutters.“Fuck I’ve missed you.”

“Missed you too, baby.You’re so beautiful, did you know that?”

“Don’t say that,” Seonghwa gasps.“Please.”

“You always tell me not to, but you are,” Yeosang whispers, leaning back to watch himself disappear between them.“You are so beautiful, so gorgeous, you make dizzy with what I want to do to you.”

“Yeah?” Seonghwa lets out a ragged moan as Yeosang gets his hands on his hips and drags him impossibly closer and harder onto his length.“Fuck, what’re you doing?”

“Fucking you,” Yeosang says staring between them.“I’ve waited so long to do this again. I love you so much, baby.”

“Are you telling me or my ass?” Seonghwa asks him with a grin and it earns him a slap on that ass and it makes him laugh harder.

“Please don’t laugh whilst I’m trying to fuck you,” Yeosang says, grinning down at him.“It’s distressing to me.”

“I’m sorry, pretty thing,” Seonghwa whispers, conciliatory but still smiling.“If it’s any consolation I missed your ass too.”

Yeosang sighs deeply, full of regret and drops his head between his shoulders.“Remind me why I love you again?”

“Because I waited two years for you and you waited two years for me and we haven’t stopped loving each other?” Seonghwa looks up at him through his lashes, lightly palming himself, his thumb playing over the head of his flushed cock.

“Oh yeah,” Yeosang says against his lips, slowly rolling against him, making him arch against him.“That’s why.”

Then they don’t talk for some time because it’s all just gasps and moans and Seonghwa coming apart at the seams as Yeosang drives into him, taking his time, working Seonghwa up in ways that he’d forgotten about, reminding himself how response he was to being teased, how sensitive he was to being riled up and slowly pulled apart.

Seonghwa spills between them with a shuddering moan, his mouth locked on Yeosang’s shoulder as he’s bearing into him and Yeosang watches, mesmerised, because he’s missed this, he’s missed this intimacy and languid heat he’s only ever experienced with Seonghwa.He strokes Seonghwa through his orgasm and when he makes to pull back but Seonghwa locks his ankles and pulls him closer.“Fuck me,” he tells him, voice deep and eyes very dark.“Fuck me until you come.I want to feel it.”

And Yeosang does.He bends over him and chases his own release, murmuring nonsense words and praise against Seonghwa’s skin, making him shake against him from being almost too stimulated, Yeosang finds his mouth for a kiss and Seonghwa pushes down, rolling his hips and sucks Yeosang’s lower lip between his teeth and bites the plump fullness, drawing a moan from him.

“Come on, pretty thing.Show me how much you’ve missed me,” Seonghwa urges him. “I want to feel you.”

And Yeosang comes with a sobbed moan, Seonghwa’s name on his lips, his mouth pressed hard against his neck and Seonghwa holds him through his release, stroking his hair and murmuring soft words of praise and love.Yeosang taps his thigh to tell him to mind himself and he pulls out with a grimace falling back against the pillows.

“Ugh,” they say in unison and laugh.Yeosang finds energy from somewhere and he gets up and pads over to the bathroom and comes out with a warm cloth to clean them both up.They toss the comforter off and onto the bed and crawl beneath the other blanket that Seonghwa finds stuck in one of the spare cupboards in the suite.

“That was fun, right?” Seonghwa mutters into his hair as he hugs him close. 

“I missed it. I missed being intimate with you. But I’m glad we waited. This was something else.”

“Yeah.” Seonghwa smiles at him. “Did you bring me to Paris because you knew you’d get lucky?”

“I’m sorry, are you accusing me of having ulterior motives?”

“Did you though?”

Yeosang just laughs and snuggles closer.“Shut up and sleep.We’ve got a busy day tomorrow.”

“What are we doing tomorrow?”

“Shopping. We’re in Paris.We have to shop.”

“For what?”

“Clothes, presents.I need new suits.You need new suits.Jin-ae needs new things.”

Seonghwa laughs in the darkness.“You’re doing the chaebol thing,” he tells him and Yeosang shrugs. 

“Can’t take it with me, might as well spend it on the people I love.”

“You’re too much, Kang Yeosang,” he whispers, stealing a kiss.

***

They shop.Seonghwa feels dizzy by the time they go for a late lunch.They don’t have any bags with them because it’s all being sent to their hotel, but Yeosang takes out a small bag from his pocket as their server brings them their dessert and serves them each a glass of crisp sweet wine to accompany the dessert.

“Oh, that is sneaky,” Seonghwa says, with a laugh.“What did you buy?”

“Something for you,” Yeosang says, with a smile.“The second I saw it, I knew it would suit you.”

“Now I am _very_ intrigued.” Seonghwa makes grabby hands, making Yeosang laugh but he hold it back, just far enough to make Seonghwa pout and frown at him.“You said it’s for me.”

“It is.But before I give it to you, you have to answer a question first.”

Seonghwa sighs dramatically. “Fine. I’ll do my best.”

Yeosang smiles at him, watches him smile back, the fake dramatics sliding away.Yeosang sits a little closer, leans towards him and laces their fingers together. “I love you so much. You are so dear to me, so special.I don’t want to be apart ever again, for as long as we live.So, Park Seonghwa, will you marry me?”

Seonghwa is so silent and still that Yeosang wonders if he’s overstepped, if he’s misread _them_ somehow but then Seonghwa’s nodding, a blush spreading across his cheeks and those big wonderful eyes of his go shiny with tears.

“Yes, oh my god, Kang Yeosang, with all my heart, yes, of course I’ll marry you.”

“Oh thank the gods,” Yeosang mutters, taking the small ring case out of the small bag and opening the little lid, revealing the ring within. “The diamond is from my mother’s engagement ring. I found our jeweller and she helped me design it and then she made it for me.Do you like it?”

Seonghwa’s hands tremble as he reaches for the ring box, touching a finger to the curve of the ring, lightly as if he’s scared to touch it properly.“I love it. It’s perfect.”

Yeosang feels his chest swell and he lifts the ring out of the box.It’s solid titanium, the metal beautifully brushed to a high sheen and right in the centre is the tension set diamond.The overhead lights catch the fire within the stone and it spits sparks. 

“Hand?” Yeosang asks and slips the ring on Seonghwa’s trembling finger.“What do you think?”

“I love it. I’m overwhelmed? I want to cry? And laugh.” Seonghwa lets go of his hand, gets a grip on the front of his shirt and yanks him closer until their lips meets.“I fucking love you, so much. I did not expect this, at all. How long have you had it?”

“About a month?”When he sees Seonghwa’s surprise he has the grace to blush.“I was hoping and I was so scared.But then I thought, I want to take you away, somewhere nice.And if I couldn’t propose to the man I love in Paris, when could I propose?”

“Too much,” Seonghwa says, staring at the ring on his finger before looking at him, still blushing, eyes still bright.“You’re too much and I love you.Please never change.”

***

They get married a year later.They charter a plane and fly their guests out to a private island that’s been exclusively booked for the wedding and their honeymoon.And it’s perfect, because it’s them.

Yeosang is dressed in a black Tom Ford suit and he’s barefoot in the white sand. Seonghwa is in a white linen shirt and a pair of loose cream linen trousers.He’s never looked more gorgeous, his skin shining a warm gold. 

They keep smiling at one another and when they kiss there’s whooping and rice and it’s everything it ought to be.

San and Mingi are overly dramatic and loud and still so in love it’s sickening.If Mingi pulls San to the side after the small ceremony, and asks him to marry him too, then it’s their business and no one else’s.Miss Angie is romancing Secretary Min to everyone’s horror but the man seems completely taken with her and he keeps apologising to everyone until even Seonghwa tells him to Shut Up. 

Seonghwa’s mum spends the time she’s not doting on Jin-ae painting and talking to patrons on the phone. Jisung brings a friend, a pretty girl with big green eyes who’s biggest dream is to go to space, and it is obvious he is completely taken with her.Yunho mourns Jisung no longer being small but when he sees Jisung fuss with Jin-ae he forgives him for growing up. 

And Yeosang reaches out to the photographer Kim Eun-ha and she agrees to be flown out to photograph the wedding.

That night in their private villa, as they lay under the stars, after they’ve made slow, slightly tipsy love, Yeosang turns to look at Seonghwa who is stretched out on his side. He traces slow circles along Yeosang’s arm, his side, across his bare chest.

“This was my dream,” Yeosang says, soft, because it’s their secret.“When I was in Switzerland, this is what I dreamed.That we’d be here, like this.”

“I know,” Seonghwa whispers back, kissing his shoulder.“I remember reading it in your journal. I remember thinking this is something that I’d like to see come true.”

“And it has.”

“It’s not a dream anymore, Sangie. It’s real.We’re real.”

“Are you happy?”

Seonghwa stays quiet, longer than Yeosang likes and he sits up a little, stares down at him.“What? You’re not happy? Park Seonghwa, answer your husband.” He pokes his side a little and Seonghwa giggles, _he giggles_ , and squirms a little, catching the poking finger and brings his hand up to his mouth, kissing Yeosang’s palm.

“I’m not happy, pretty thing.I’m beyond happy.I’m content and smug and pleased and all the good things I never thought would be mine.” Seonghwa kisses him.“I love you.Thank you for coming back to me.”

“I love you too.Thank you for waiting for me.”

They fall asleep as the moon rose over the wine dark sea, bathing them in a soft glow.

The End.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mwah! Mwah!
> 
> Thank you, thank you! Thanks so much for reading it all the way to the end. 
> 
> I did want to put here that I'm aware of marriage restrictions in Korea but let's play pretend in this instance that where they get married it's all legal and somehow also legal in Korea. Also: I realise that marriage is not everyone's end goal, but I felt very much that this is something the two of them would want for themselves, after everything they've gone through. It is a societal construct for sure, and it doesn't suit everyone, but you know, it's my story so it feels like it fits. 
> 
> Please come say hi on twitter - I'm @LizzieSunbae


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